Blood Drive (2017): Season 1, Episode 1 - The F...ing Cop - full transcript

A cop and a homicidal maniac are forced to partner in a bloodthirsty race across America.

[mysterious instrumental music]

The executives assigned to this show

decided to test it in Jersey.

As a result, they think
you mouthbreathers

are too stupid to understand
my masterpiece.

So listen up, dum-dums,
and let me set the stage.

The world is broken,
no one has any food,

oil costs 2,000 a barrel,
and the only way out

of this shitty life is
a secret road race

with a $10 million cash prize.

But there's a twist: all
the cars run on human blood.



Welcome to "Blood Drive."

_

[bird screeching]

[rock music thumping on car stereo]

[tires screeching]



[music stops]

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.

- Nice ride.
- You should see the engine.

You want me to take a look?
I am pretty handy.

Mm, I bet.

Come on.

You want to look under my hood,
you got to buy me dinner first.

Maybe another time.



Hey.

Where are you going?

I, um... I'm late.

Got to make it to LA by sundown.

[engine turning over, engine revving]

[tires squealing]

- Maybe next time, dude.
- Let's go get her.

[suspenseful music]



[rock music]



[chuckles]

Why'd you stop?

I was having so much fun.

Out of gas.

Well, that's too bad. I'm not.

Why don't you hop in, and, uh,
I'll give you a ride to town.

- Yeah, no, thanks.
- Hey, man, let's not do this.

I wasted 500 bucks worth of gas

chasing you through the desert,
so don't be a bitch.

No one asked you to race, okay?

Barry, she's right.

- Please don't.
- Dude, come on.

- Back off, Todd.
- Please, please, don't. Please.

- Come on, man.
- Back up.

Stop. Please. Please don't. Please.

Now, you just hold still,
and this won't hurt a bit.

Funny, I was just about to say that.

[grunts]

All right, hurry up, Barry.

[grunting]

Fuck!

What the fuck are you doing?

[rock music]



[grunting]

Please... please don't hurt me.

Sorry, pal. Got to top off.

No!

[tires squealing]

[screaming]



Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

_

[indistinct chatter]

Insert water container.

Unauthorized water ration.

Contra!

[grunts]

Reviewing footage.

Crimes... consumption of stolen water,

resisting arrest.

Punishment authorized, level three.

Aggravated assault, littering,

possession of the drug Red Rapture,

theft.

[siren wails]

Whoo. Thirsty, motherfucker?

- Reviewing footage.
- Shut up.

They're gonna dock you for that.

Stole half a gallon.
That's a level eight.

If we don't ration the water,
a lot more people die.

He's not worth saving, trust me.

Come on, man. I don't want to die.

Jesus, they're shooting Red now.

You can't shoot the stuff.
Doesn't work that way.

Sir, what are those marks on your arm?

Arthur, he's a junkie.
Those are track marks.

Heroin hasn't been around for years.

- Then he's selling plasma.
- To who?

Hospitals don't have
a lot of use for junkie blood.

I didn't do nothing, all right?
I just wanted water.

Tell us what those marks are.

Come on, man.
They'll kill me if I tell you.

Look, I can help you,
but you got to talk to me.

I don't know who they are, all right?

They're not normal.

Put it in non-junkie terms for us.

No one knows who they are.

They bleed the rainbow. [chuckles]

He's too fried to makes sense.
This is pointless.

Try something else.

What the fuck are you doing?

- Shit! Freeze!
- [whirring]

It's a warehouse on Perrino Street.

That's all I know.

[dramatic music]



Approaching destination.

Arriving at destination.

[horn honking]

[thud on roof of car]

I want your eyeball.

[device beeping]

[car horns honking]

[telephone ringing] _

This is ContraCrime. How can I help you?

You're gonna catch hell
when they find out

- you let that junkie walk.
- Doesn't matter.

All I know is, when you work
for Sergeant Gower,

- you stick to the rules.
- I don't care what Gower wants.

Police went to shit when they
sold out contracts

to a private company.

Crime's down since we went private.

That's 'cause people are afraid.

Good. Fear keeps them in line.

Man, you're starting to sound

like one of those
recruitment commercials.

Loading credits.

We used to be cops, remember?

We still are.

We're still the good guys.

- Loading credits.
- Prove it.

Come help me investigate
that warehouse tonight.

[chuckles] No way.

Squad's hitting up McGoldrick's tonight.

Gonna tie one on.

And that new officer's gonna be there.

You coming?

Oh, I'm good.

You want to chase Bigfoot
in your own time, fine.

But at least punch the clock,

punch some faces, get drunk as hell.

That's what's expected of you.

Gower already doesn't like you.
Don't make it worse.

Hey, we make quota by Friday
and drinks are on me.

[cheering]

Hey, Saint Arthur...

What about you?

Those are from both of us.

Must have collected these
while your camera was off today.

Must have.

This is the only thing
that will impress me.

Ten teeth by Friday...

or I'll have yours instead.

[chuckles]

Told you.

Forget about the warehouse.
Come out with us tonight.

Remember that first heat wave...

the summer after the fracking quakes?
The whole city was rioting.

I broke into a public storage
unit trying to steal some food.

I got caught by a cop.

Nice. I have a whole new
respect for you.

Shut up for two seconds and listen.

That was the year they lowered
the legal age to 13.

I could have been tried as an adult.

- So how'd you swing it?
- I didn't do a thing.

He let me go.

He said he didn't want to see
another kid hang.

Saved my life.

That's why you signed up
for this shit job?

That guy still on the force?

No.

Every day we go out on patrol,
we have a choice...

to make this city a better place...

or make a violent world more violent.

Damn it.

You gonna sit on your ass all night,

or you gonna help me
find this warehouse?

Yes.

Let's go.

[dramatic music]



[engine revving]

What is that?

[indistinct shouting]

♪ Bang, bang, bang ♪

♪ You came to see the mobscene ♪

♪ I know it isn't your scene ♪

♪ It's better than a sex scene ♪

♪ And it's so fucking obscene ♪

♪ Obscene, yeah ♪

♪ You want commitment? ♪

♪ Put on your best suit,
get your arms around me ♪

♪ Now we're going down, down, down ♪

♪ You want commitment? ♪

♪ Put on your best suit,
get your arms around me ♪

♪ Now we're going... ♪

["La Marseillaise" playing]



[woman singing in French]
♪ Allons enfants de la patrie ♪

♪ Le jour de gloire est arrivé ♪

- ♪ Contre nous de la tyrannie ♪
- [cheering]

♪ L'étendard sanglant est levé ♪

♪ L'étendard sanglant est levé ♪

[exhales sharply]

Ladies and gentlemen,
bastards and tramps,

bloodsuckers, motherfuckers,
road trash, and vamps...

to the queers and the strange

in the crowd and on the stage...

to the violent, the malevolent,

and those seeking a grave...

welcome home!

[cheering]

It's been a cold, dark year.

I'm so glad to see
your grease-stained faces,

your filthy smiles.

I am your host, Julian Slink,

master of ceremonies, god of the stage.

Welcome to the meanest,

nastiest, filthiest road race

in the world...

- Blood Drive!
- [cheering]

[shouting indistinctly]

♪ Get your arms around me ♪

♪ Now we're going down, down, down ♪

♪ You want commitment? ♪

♪ Put on your best suit,
get your arms around me ♪

♪ Now we're going down, down, down ♪

Ladies and gentlemen, be obscene.

Be obscene. Be, be obscene.

♪ Be obscene ♪

♪ Be, be obscene ♪

- ♪ Be obscene ♪
- [screaming]

♪ Be obscene, be, be obscene ♪

♪ Be obscene ♪

♪ Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang ♪

What the fuck?

[cheering]

Get to the car.

Make the call... code 88.
Tell them to send everyone.

There are way too many psychos in there.
You need to wait for backup.

How many more people
will they kill while we wait?

Make the call.

I got to get a better view.

Now, if the racers would please

line up at the front of the stage...

[cheering]

As some of you know,

we had a few quitters last year.

- [audience boos]
- I know, I know.

But forgive and forget.

All right, so we killed
the sons of bitches.

- [crowd cheering]
- No matter, no matter.

This year we have an incentive...

a state-of-the-art pulse charge

implanted at the base of the skull.

A bit barbaric? Perhaps.

Shamefully pedantic? Without a doubt.

But by golly if it won't do the trick.

Anyone trying to remove
the pulse charge...

instant brain jelly.

[cheering]

If you're racing with a partner...

your charges are linked.

Get too far apart... bye-bye, cranium.

Each day racers will be given
a prescribed route.

_

But no matter where you are,
I'll be watching...

_

And so will our private audience
on closed-circuit TV.

_

Each day ends with another
Mayhem Party at the finish line

to celebrate the winners.

But whoever comes in last...

I'm sure you get the idea.

- It's fucking cop.
- [grunts]

[screams]

Hey, asshole, you dented my car.

Ma'am, stay calm. Stand back.
I've got this under control.

[cheering]

Looks like we've got an uninvited guest.

Take them. Bring them both.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Hey!
- Get off me!

- Hey, hey, get off me!
- Hey!

Get off me!

[cheering]

Hey!

We have a decision to make.

Is this guy friend or fuel?

On the one hand,
he works for ContraCrime...

the new breed of cop.

- crowd: Fuel! Fuel! Fuel!
- No, no, no!

Then again...

these two put on one hell of a show!

crowd: Friend! Friend! Friend!

Then again...

he might try to stop the race.

crowd: Fuel! Fuel! Fuel!
Fuel! Fuel! Fuel!

If the crowd grows restless,

they get a bit stabby.

Best put on a show.

[cheering]

Asshole. I'll kill you!

[groans]

Link 'em up!

Oh, no, no, no, no, hold on a minute.
We're not a team.

- You are now.
- [grunts]

And the fans love her!

[cheering]

Freeze! Put your hands up now!

Every single freak, on the ground

with hands on your head.

[laughter]

- Fuck you, cop.
- [groans]

- Christopher!
- Racers to your marks!

Everyone else,
see you at the rendezvous.

[cheering]

Shit!

Christopher, run!

Chris, get out of here!

[screams]

Shut up, calm down, and do as I say.

[Skillet's "Back From the Dead"]

♪ Light it up, light it up,
now I'm burning ♪

♪ Feel the rush,
feel the rush of adrenaline ♪

♪ We are young,
we are strong, we will rise ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm back, back,
back from the dead tonight ♪

♪ To the floor, to the floor,
hit the red line ♪

♪ Flying high, flying high
at the speed of light ♪

♪ Full of love, full of light,
full of fight ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm back, back,
back from the dead tonight ♪

♪ I'm back, I'm back,
I'm back, back, back ♪

♪ I'm back, I'm back,
I'm back, back, back ♪

Pull over. My partner's back there.

Just sit your ass down and shut up.

- Ma'am, I'm a cop.
- Yeah, a shitty one.

♪ They'll never catch me,
they'll never catch me ♪

♪ I'm back, I'm back ♪

Shit.

♪ I'm back, I'm back,
I'm back, back, back ♪

♪ Light it up, light it up,
now I'm burning ♪

♪ Feel the rush,
feel the rush of adrenaline ♪

- Racer team violation.
- Who's the lame dick dumb enough to...

Oh, wonderful.

♪ Flying high, flying high
at the speed of light ♪

♪ Full of love, full of light,
full of fight, 'cause I'm back ♪

Pity.

[grunting]

[grunting]

[grunting]

Get in!



- [grunts]
- You feel that?

This is the lowest setting.
Now get in the car!

♪ Never break, never bow,
never beg, not a doubt ♪

[grunts]

♪ The zombies come out at night ♪

♪ They'll never catch me,
they'll never catch me ♪

Racer team reunited.



♪ I'm back, back,
back from the dead tonight ♪

♪ I'm back, I'm back,
I'm back, back, back ♪

- ♪ Dead tonight ♪
- ♪ I'm back, I'm back ♪

♪ Back from the dead tonight ♪

♪ I'm back, I'm back,
I'm back, back, back ♪

- ♪ Back from the dead tonight ♪
- [gasps]

[breathing heavily]

[door handle rattling]

Child locks, dickweed.

Oh, and pull that shit again,
and I will shoot you in the head,

save us both some misery.

- I need to cut this thing out.
- Won't work.

I heard a rumor that adrenaline
messes with them,

but, God, if that's true,
it would take a hell of a lot,

considering who they're injecting.

- Then I need a phone.
- No way.

Lady, I was this close to arresting

these sons of bitches, okay?
I need to contact my precinct.

Oh, my God. You have no clue, do you?

You can't just arrest these people.

What the hell do you think
just happened back there?

I saw your friends grind up
innocent people for fun.

Why would anyone use a car engine

just to murder someone, Einstein?

[engine revving]

Those people were fuel?

These cars run on human blood?

- Bingo.
- [breathing heavily, gags]

Dude, if you throw up
in my car, I swear to God...

Why would anyone do that?

Have you seen gas prices lately?

Oh, come on.

The people that forced you
to race, who are they?

I wasn't forced.

What kind of sick person
signs up for this? What...

Everyone has something to prove
trying to claim that Primo title.

Isn't that how you found it?

Oh, no. I'm not like you.

I'm a cop. I'm trying to help people.

Bullshit.

No one makes it to the Blood Drive

without a little psycho
behind the eyes, pal.

Miss...

look me in the eye

and tell me you're really okay
murdering people

just to win a title.

I don't give a shit
about being the Primo.

But I do care about the $10 million.

That's enough to get my sister
the help that she needs

and set us up for life.

And no one's gonna get
in the way of that happening.

So buckle up, pal,

'cause the last one to this
party tonight is a dead man.

And so long as you have that
bomb implanted in your neck,

you're no longer a cop.

You're just another racer...

and we're stuck with each other.

Then we have a problem,

'cause as long as I'm here,
no one's going in your engine,

and that's a promise.

Yeah, well...

we'll just cross that bridge
when we come to it, shall we?

[creepy rock music]

You have reached your water limit.

- Please step out of the shower.
- [sighs]

You got to be kidding me.

Thanks.

Whoa, Sarge, what are you doing?

Until we figure out
what the hell happened,

you're on forced leave.

Fuck that, Sarge. Are you shitting me?

- I read the report.
- You heard what happened.

At 0600, we approached...
blah, blah, blah, blah,

"I hit my head
and can't remember the rest."

Sign it...

before ContraCrime
decides to fire you or sue you

or break every bone in your face.

That's not what happened.

The day I let one of
my officers write "vampire car"

in their report is the same day
I let you suck my dick.

Now get dressed, go home, get drunk.

Internal Affairs
will interview you tomorrow.

No way. The docs cleared me.
I'm going back out there.

- Those freaks have my partner.
- We will find Saint Arthur.

But until ContraCrime
clears you, sit on your ass.

Bullshit.

You know I'm supposed
to report you for that.

Great. Anyone else want to see my dick?

[chuckles]

So what? Are you gonna snitch?

I'm gonna help you.

[breathing heavily]

Unauthorized water rations.

No. [whimpering]

Looks bad. Might need to come off.

- Come on, man.
- Shut up.

Come on, I'm begging you.

Beg all you want.

I'm gonna start cutting off pieces.

You can decide
when you're ready to talk.

[indistinct chatter]

♪ Shake your body,
your body, your body, baby ♪

♪ Hey, heels on, head down ♪

♪ In the Maserati ♪

♪ Yeah, we'll paint this town ♪

♪ 'Cause we're about to party ♪

[dramatic music] _



Rule three.

No racer may deliberately kill
another racer.

Right, but we break that one
all the time.

- You just got to be...
- Oh, this is bullshit.

Oh, well, bullshit or not,
you're going to memorize them.

You nearly got me killed.

How do they know
if you've broken a rule anyway?

[clicks tongue]

Say cheese.

They see and hear everything we do.

- So who's watching?
- I don't know.

Old white men... probably,

sitting in leather chairs,
ruling the world.

Please state your name for the cameras.

[scoffs]

Dude, we're gonna be in this car
for a really long time,

so you might as well play along.

It's Arthur.

_

Holy shit, Art.

You look like a Barbie doll.

The guy one, not the girl one,

but that's still not a compliment.

Men are supposed to have scars,
not be pretty.

What is it?

[blades grinding, girl crying]

[girl screaming, crying]

Go back.

Reckless driving.

Report immediately to your super...

[rock music]



[engine turning over]

Stop. Turn around. Hands up.

Hands up. Turn around. Drop the leg.

[grunts]

[straining] You're under arrest.

Stop!

[screams]

- Barbie?
- [groaning]

Barbie, you're a pain in my ass.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Sure you're up for this?

I'm the one that got
the intel out of him, aren't I?

Try to keep up, sidekick.

Yes, ma'am.



If you spill one crumb,

I'll use your skin for
a new pair of driving gloves.

[operatic music playing on car stereo]

[suspenseful rock music]



- [whimpering]
- Try to take deep breaths.

I'm gonna call 911, okay?

We're gonna get some help here for you.

- [beeping over line]
- We're sorry...

♪ ♪

- Shit.
- Your call cannot be completed as dialed.

They hurt my baby.

It's okay. Hush now, hush now.

- Well played. Now...
- Fix my car.

I'm sorry?

Have your little genius fix my car.

You can't kill me.
It's against the rules.

And what do the rules say
against maiming?

'Cause I'm pretty sure I could
get a bonus for extra carnage

if I just chop off your thumbs,

unless you really think
you can beat me in a fight.

Take care of this woman's car.

- Smart choice.
- What about the Benz?

She'll be fine.

[both screaming and crying]

Oh. Fortune smiles.

- Just when the tank needed a topping off.
- No, no, no, no, no.

It'd be a shame to mar
such a lovely mug.

Maybe I'll cut it off.

Get The Scholar to wear it.
Might spice things up a bit.

Rules or no rules, he can mess you up.

I don't care.

It's your face. Suit yourself.

They have families waiting for them.

Did you ever think about that?

Or can you justify anything?

You hurt them, next time we meet,
I'll do this to you.

- [groans]
- [chuckles]

Oh, very well.

[engine sputtering]

- Blood under the bridge.
- [engine turning over]

I promise I will not kill these ladies.

We'll free them once you're gone.

Okay, she'll run.

Very good. Your chariot awaits.

How can we be sure he fixed it right?

The Scholar is infuriatingly detailed

when it comes to his machines.

It's his obsession.
My obsession is good manners.

I am The Gentleman after all.

We will keep our word to the letter.

But if we meet on the road again,

well, that's another matter.

Let's go.

Ticktock, Barbie. We're way behind.

If you kill them,
I'll find out about it.

If I fail to keep my promise,

I will welcome your vengeance.

Is everybody a psychopath?

How long will their engine hold?

About two, three hours, tops.

[engine turning over, tires squealing]

Ladies, unfortunately
your lives are not mine to take.

[girls crying]

Your tongue and your fingers

on the other hand...

[muffled screaming]

[suspenseful music]



_

[indistinct whispering]



[siren wails]

Do you like it?

They made it especially
for you, Christopher.

Then you fucked up.

You should have just kidnapped me
instead of tricking me down here.

Where's the fun in that?

Holy shit.

[suspenseful rock music]



Look...

you made me wet.



Hi.

Forget the fracking tubes.
You're gonna be too much fun.

[rock music]



[cheering]

[engine revving]

You're lucky we're still in the race
after that stunt you pulled.

Now we have to haul ass 'cause
we're in the back of the pack.

[engine hisses]

- What'd you do?
- Nothing.

[rock music]



- What is it?
- Radiator.

It has a hole in it. Give me your shirt.

What?

[crowd cheering]

Shit.

[cheering continues]

- Go. Fill her up.
- With what?

Do I really need to explain it to you?

Oh, no, I'm not getting my
dick anywhere near that engine.

You are if you want to live.

[cheering]

Our next team
is less than a half mile away.

Shit.

[horn honking]

You know, it doesn't
really work this way.

Then make it work that way,
or we're dead.

So let's grab our drinks, our food,

and the hottest piece of ass
you can find,

and we'll all gather

at the finish line!

[cheering]

Okay, no pressure.

Shit. Those were the last two.

Okay. Okay, go, go, go, go.

[rock music]



[cheering]

- Come on.
- The engine's maxed out.

We're not gonna make it.

- Maybe we can, uh...
- Screw it.

If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna do
it at the finish line.

No, there's got to be
something we can do.

Didn't you say adrenaline
can short out the bombs?

Barbie, there's no way
that we can get enough to...

Shit.

♪ Against the odds ♪

[cheering]

What are you... what are you doing?

- Lay down.
- What? Why?

We need adrenaline to override
the brain bombs, dumb-ass.

Fuck. What's happening?

- Do you want to live or not?
- Yeah, I want to live.

Adrenaline's our only play,
but it's got to be a hell of a lot.

- Oh, God.
- This is it, Barbie.

Do me or die.

♪ We were born to rule the Earth ♪

♪ Defenders of the universe ♪

[both moaning loudly]

Shit. Harder, Barbie, harder.

♪ We will fight for what it's worth ♪

♪ We were born... ♪

- Oh, God, this is crazy.
- Not crazy enough.

Get behind me, quick.

Backdoor entrance, Barbie...
one-time offer.

Okay.



♪ We were born to rule the Earth ♪

♪ Defenders of the universe ♪

♪ Keepers of the flame forevermore ♪

- What's wrong?
- An unfortunate malfunction.

♪ We will fight for what it's worth ♪

♪ We were born to rule the Earth ♪

♪ Victory is ours to taste ♪

♪ Protectors of the human race ♪

♪ We're the kings of the world ♪

♪ ♪

[tires screeching]

[cheering]

♪ We're the kings of the world ♪

all: Fucking cop! Fucking cop!

Fucking cop! Fucking cop!

Fucking cop! Fucking cop! Fucking cop!

♪ We're the kings of the world ♪

all: Fucking cop! Fucking cop!
Fucking cop!

Better than dying, huh?

I can't believe that worked.

Maybe for you. Where'd you
learn to screw like that...

the Boy Scouts?

♪ Emergency, emergency ♪

♪ Suffering to breathe ♪

♪ Hurry, hurry, not dying in vain ♪

♪ Means being remembered ♪

♪ When life's taken spinning
and playing back ♪

♪ The memories won't be mistaken ♪

[indistinct chatter, laughter]



We recalibrated the pulse charges,

so good luck fucking your way
out of another loss tomorrow.

I let you live
because I enjoy a good show,

but you try that trick one more time

or even bore me for a single moment,

you'll see what I'm really capable of.

- What's your endgame?
- Please, relax.

Put the cop act to rest.
You're a road warrior now.

Enjoy your spoils.

Or are you afraid you might just like

this little paradise I've created?

No, I'm not.

Oh, really?

[dramatic music]



Thump, thump.

Thump, thump.

Thump, thump, thump, thump,
thump, thump, thump, thump.

You feel that? You feel that, hero?

That's your heart whispering

all its deepest and dirtiest...

little desires.



Who are you?

At your service.



_

[breathing heavily]

[heavy metal music playing]



You all right, Barbie?

Come have a drink with me.
You earned it.

I'll help you win.

You keep all the money.

- Just promise me one thing.
- What?

We're gonna see every one
of those psychos behind bars.

I'm Grace d'Argento, by the way.

Welcome to the Blood Drive.

[suspenseful music]



Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com