Blindspotting (2021–2023): Season 2, Episode 7 - Meatfest - full transcript

Oh, hello.

Let me catch you up
with what happened

previously on Blindspotting.

Bitch!

Earl!

I got you a present
for keeping bugs in.

Is your girlfriend

cheating on you
with her new boyfriend?

Are you gonna tell Jacque

you're in love with her?

Don't let nobody
steal your joy.



I need to break them up.

I need to break them up.

I may have told Cuddie
some disastrous costume advice.

You a pirate, Pare.
We kill pirates!

I say this with love,

but y'all are hella stubborn
as a family.

You are not my sister.

Let's make that 1,000% clear.

You are my brother's
fucking luggage

that he dropped off here.

Mustafa.

I want you to come back
to Bali, be my wife again.

What the fuck is that?

It's a Thizzly bear.



And his dad made it
for him in prison.

Oh, Trish,
you stole these for me?

-Do those say Oakland?
-Yeah.

-Ooh, I like these.
-Thank you.

Fuck, it feels so good
to be out

doing some normal ass shit,
girl.

Can I buy you a drink?

You think I didn't
see you in there

kissing that pale-ass nigga?

Looks like you lost an earring.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

This can't be happening.

Oh, this is bad.

We're at a full-scale
red alert!

The mantises are loose!

Oh, what are we
gonna do, Thizzly?

What are we gonna do?

Mom's gonna kill me.

Oh.

What the fuck is that?

- Bugs!
- Bugs everywhere!

Shoot 'em!

Where are you guys?

Oh, shit!

It's on your face!

What is this, Bug's Life?

Hey, what the hell
is Meatfest, anyway?

So Miles' daddy was
a two-timing vegan.

And to commemorate
cutting his ass off...

Right.

Rainey started
Meatfest, a'ight?

Not a vegetable in the crib.

I'm talking meat only.

You feel me? You dig?

Anyway, that annual tradition

has been going on for...
27 years?

Yo, this is a lot of meat.

- Help me out here.
- Ow! Fuck.

Yo, who's is this?

Oh, shit. Oh, oh! Ooh!

Wait, she's coming!

Oh, hold up.

Hey, y'all, who know
where this earring is from?

- What?
- I don't know.

Who cares?

Oh, this sexy-ass girl
I hooked up with

last week at Luka's.

Ooh, did you hit that?

Fuck yeah, I did.

Bug queen!

Hey, hey, what she look like?

Fall back. Fall back.

She's powering up
her scorpion tail!

Light-skinned Black girl,

big curly hair, big booty.

She has a-a rose tattoo
on her shoulder.

She told me her name,
but I was hella lit.

Uh, Amber? Anika? Alexis?

Ashley. Her name is Ashley.

Fuck!

Game over.

- Hey.
- Hi, Rainey.

What's that for?

In this house, Trish is
surrounded by white people

because of Miles and me.

So for the holidays,
we decided to cap

the amount of white people
allowed at Meatfest.

This year, we're down to six.

I gotta do more to reduce
the white footprint.

You do know you're white.

I already clicked one for me.

You better click one
for Darrell.

He's coming, right?

Yeah, but he's not white.

He's Chilean-something.

I'm not dating
another white guy,

and I'm not going double white
in this neighbourhood.

He looks white to me.

Why do you think
I call him White Darrell?

'Cause he's not Black.

I am not that reductive.

Wait, wait, Rainey,
you're dating someone new

and keeping it
a secret from us?

I've had, like, two dates
with the guy.

Well, if he looks white,
he reaps all the benefits

of being white, so guess what.

He's white.

And that's a fair point.

He's not white like me-white.

Well, show us a picture.

I can't because my phone
is in the Be Present basket.

No phones till after dinner.

Did y'all drop your phones
in that basket?

-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-All right, keep it simple.

Does he go to Blondie's
or Fat Slice for pizza?

And don't think. Just answer.

-I think Fat Slice.
-He's Black.

No, he's just not
Blondie's white.

And Asians go to Blondie's.

Don't be grouping us
with white people.

Yellow Peril
supports Black Power.

Well, bring the Asians
to Fat Slice.

No, go to Graffiti Pizza.
A Black woman owns that.

Don't be grouping
all us Asians together.

-I'm Taiwanese.
-Yeah.

Not to be mistaken
for mainland China.

I know, babe.

Does Darrell use a washcloth

- or a naked bar of soap?
- I don't know.

I haven't showered
with him yet.

- Oh.
- Okay.

Ashley!

Oh, fuck.
No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

- Mommy! Mommy--
- No! Shh, shh.

Shut up. Shut up.

Let me go, you bitch!

Okay! Okay, okay, okay.

Listen to me.
It's not what you think.

You fucking ho-ass, trick-ass--

No, no, no, no, no.
It was nothing.

Just let me explain.

Bitch, you cheated
on my brother

while he is in prison.

You his wife, Ash!

Ooh, I cannot wait
to tell everyone.

-You are fucking done.
-I-I-I just--

Hey, what up, y'all?

Spice King and his thang.

What's good with y'all?

Hope you got
them hot wings.

Oh, look, baby,
No Phones Be Present.

- You dig this?
- I love it.

Earl, I'm so glad you're here.

There's a code red emergency.
I need your help.

Trish is here already?

I have no idea.
But the bug terrarium broke.

What?

I used my mom's Amazon
to buy praying mantis eggs,

and then they all hatched.

And then they escaped.

Oh, shit.

Meet me in my room.

You can bring your friend.

It's not--
she has so much going on--

What are you waiting for?
Come on.

Okay, I gotta put
this meat in--

Hey, what up, E?

Hey, hey, man, what's up?

No, I said,
"Why are they bugging me?"

We didn't say nothing
about no bugs.

Trish, I'ma need you
just to be quiet, okay?

And I need you
to keep it between us.

Oh, do you?

Well, Earl knows

because your side meat is
his fucking roommate!

Now I'm 'bout to tell my mama.

He is not my fucking side meat!
Fuck!

I just-I just need you

to give me a chance
to figure it out, okay?

I am begging you.

Fuck you, Ashley.

We trusted you.

Ma!

Fucking Christ.
Just--fine! Fine.

But if you tell her,
I will tell Jacque

that you are in love with her
and that you tried

to sabotage Cuddie.

Wow.

Wow! Okay.

Just leave it alone
until after Meatfest, okay?

And I will tell Rainey myself.

Trish, you're on duty.

You know what to do.
White cap is six.

We're at three now,
including me.

Is everything all right?

Yeah, just hungry
for that meat.

Ain't that the truth.

Fuck you,
you lumberjack-looking bitch.

Fuck you.

Dumbass fucking bitch.

How could they all
have escaped?

I'm seven.

Okay, how many mantises
are we talking about here?

At least ten.

But they kept on hatching,
so could be more.

My God, a whole congregation
of mantises.

Okay, Sean, we got you.

I'm off to check
on Sean.

This is our secret.

Baby boy.

Oh, shit, what the--

oh.

Hi, Earl.

- You must be June.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm Janelle.
It's nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you.

- No Mustafa?
- Uh, no.

He had to go back to Bali
to take care of his daughter.

-My fiancé.
-Oh, fiancé, not divorcée?

She said fiancé.

- Future fiancé.
- Okay, fiancé.

We're just excited
to meet your...

Future fiancé.

Stop saying fiancé!

Sean's bugs got loose.
Now his ass is on the line.

- Earl!
- Oh!

You told!

Yeah, but we need
all the help we can get.

I don't know what the hell
you got bugs for, anyway.

Ashley ain't never
heard of a dog?

Just find them before Mom sees.

And boom.

-Oh.
-Oh, nice.

-Now that's good--
-Pace yourself.

Just remember to save room
for the pig.

But he wanted me
to move to Nice,

and I said
that's out of the question.

Oh, my goodness.

- Oh, hey Miss Tammy.
- Hey, baby.

Oh, a teardrop earring
looks good on you, honey.

Thank you, sugar!

Oh, there you are.

Oh, God, you look like shit.

Oh, okay, uh...

okay, what is wrong?

Uh, excuse me!

-I messed up, okay?
-Okay.

Last week, I went to a bar
and we had drinks

and there was
music and dancing,

and then I kissed someone.

And it doesn't--
it doesn't mean anything.

But--but Trish found out,

and now she wants
to tell Rainey.

Look, don't worry.

I kissed two guys
today already.

It's the holidays.

-That's not the same!
-Mm.

Yo, I don't know what this
shit will do to my family.

But I have to do
what's right, right?

Oh God, my heart.

Who's gonna be couple goals
for Cuddie and me now,

Steph and Ayesha?

Girl, you know I can't cook.

How are you making this
about Cuddie right now?

I mean, they were
kind of goals, you know?

Does she have any proof?

Yes, she has
one of my earrings.

So what?

So she has one
and you have one.

They cancel each other out,

like that time I had
a threesome with my ex.

Okay, this-this-
this isn't helping.

Wake up, bitch.

It's your word against hers.

And let's face it,
she is a lot,

like Kirstie Alley on Twitter.

- Have you followed that bitch?
- No.

Honey, she has lost
her damn mind.

She's always lounging
in her pyjamas.

Okay, so, um, what- what do
I say, that- that she's lying?

I should just tell, right?

It's my word against hers.

I don't think
that's gonna be enough.

Who else knows?

Earl knows!

Well, what are you doing
talking to me?

You need to go make sure
he shuts his trap.

Yeah, you- you're right.
Here.

-Oh.
-Here, here, here.

Find Earl. Find Earl. Oh--

And find wine.
Find wine. Find wine.

Rainey, my angel.

Oh, I hate that bitch
so fucking much!

Can I get some more wine?

I have wine.

Get your own damn plate, Trish!

All right, Earl, where you at?

Earl.

Fuck you.

Trish? I'm Leah.

Sean goes to school
with my son.

Ooh, that's four.

You lucky you here early.

A- actually, can you help?

I have another tray in my car.

Ugh, this--
this is why there's a cap.

Where's your car at,
Miss Daisy?

It's right out front, yeah.

Okay.

Oh, wait. Wait.

Don't move. Don't move.
Don't move.

Okay, just-just follow me
right in here.

Oh.

- Earl.
- Oh!

I know you know, Earl.

And just when you think
you have things under control,

boom, this happens.

Things happen.

And I know you know.

And now you know
I know you know.

I don't know anything.

I know who your roommate is.

-Oh!
-I fucked up.

But it's not
what you think it is,

so I'ma need you to keep it
to yourself for a day.

No worries. I'm- I'm a vault.

They call me voûte suisse.

Okay?

It's French for Swiss vault.

Okay, well,
this is English for "Shh!"

-Please.
-Okay.

-S'il vous plaît.
-Okay.

All right.

Oh, baby, my sweet.

We almost got caught. Oh.

You're cute,
like a little alien.

- Earl.
- Oh! Oh!

Gotta get out this hallway.

I need you to come help me
tell my mom about Ashley now,

'cause a nigga needs a witness.

What? No.
This is between you two.

Did Ashley get to you?

Are you really on her side
with this bullshit?

No, I'm not on any side
of anything.

I'm-I'm Switzerland.

Nigga, fuck Switzerland.

Look, all I know is hearsay.

Okay, I heard nothing.
I know nothing.

I saw a earring.
I seen so many earrings.

You have earrings on right now.

Why the fuck
you covering up your cup for?

You think
I'ma fucking poison you?

This just how I--a drink
that I've been drinking

that is a drink...
that I drink.

It's good etiquette at a party
to cover your drink.

Silence is violence, Earl.

Silence is violence.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

You- you talkin' and you being
vi--

Silence is
motherfuckin' violence.

Oh, okay.

Yep, just in the hallway
drinking.

June, talk to him. Talk to him.

Wow, where did you get those
little-little micro links?

Well, you know what?
Enjoy that.

-Ah! Okay.
-Here you go.

Where'd you meet this guy?

Gilroy Garlic Festival.

White as cocaine.

Hey, I go there every year.

They got one hell of a sorbet.
Garlic Sherb.

Ooh, does he check out
them thick-ass mannequins

at Eastmont Mall?

I don't know.
Should I take him?

Has he been
to Sweet Jimmy's yet?

Now, that's a dead giveaway.

Does he know any of those
commercials off of Soul Beat?

Ask him if he knows
what a chitloaf is.

You ask him when he gets here.

How am I supposed to know
all this off two dates?

It's a loaf of chitlins.

Tried to get that commercial
out of my mind,

but I can't,
even after all this time.

-Mm-mm.
-Shoot, Darrell's late.

He's supposed to bring ice.

Ooh.

Not to bat against my own team,
but the brother is late.

I didn't say
he was Black.

I said I really,
really, really, really

don't think he's white.

- Oh, he white.
- Mm-hmm.

As soy milk.

As the Ultimate Frisbee team.

St. Patrick's Day parade.

As a ayahuasca trip to Bali.

Shit, rice.

The Olsen twins.

You've got this.
It's okay.

Come on, Petunia.

Come on. Come on.

It's okay. You can trust me.
Come on.

Let's get you
in your little home.

There you go.

Locked and loaded.

We did it, Thizzly.
Just a few more to go.

Whoo! I'm the mantis king!

♪ Sitting in the dark ♪

Nancy! Nancy. Nance.

I have a situation.

Oh, Lord. What now?

Ashley may have

stepped out on Miles
with my roommate.

Now, she says it was nothing,
and I believe her.

But who cares what I believe
'cause Trish found out

and went crazy and says
she wanna go to Rainey with it.

Ashley's asked me
not to say anything,

but Trish isn't having it.

They both coming for me.

And I keep saying,
"Hey, I'm Swiss!

Like good cheese
and chocolate."

And I got a lot of things
that I'm juggling

I'm not even telling--oh!

I felt that on the other side.

I can't believe you're putting
all this on my plate

when I got all this
on my plate.

I'll handle it. Don't do shit.

What the fuck?

She-she couldn't
hear me, right?

Ah, I was using
my whisper voice.

Get your ass in there.

Ow! Ow!

Bitch, are you serious?
You cheated on Miles?

Who told you that?

Earl told my mama.

How the fuck you gon'
tell him before you tell me?

Oh, fuck, it's spreading.

First of all, it meant nothing.

And I didn't tell anyone.
He found out.

Fuck.

Ash, you know I get it, okay?

But you gon' have
to tell Rainey

before anybody else does.

Tell her I kissed another man
at fucking Meatfest,

the very festival
she created to spite

a man who cheated on her?

Oh, yeah,
Rainey don't play that.

Mm.

Occupied!

Okay, take your time.

I'll go upstairs.

Mommy, Mommy,
do you have a second?

Yes, baby. What is it?

Mom, I need
to tell you some real--

Trish, can I talk
to you for a second?

-Okay, wait, wait, one sec.
-I'll be right back.

-I just have to pee.
-Mom.

You keep that Ashley shit
to yourself.

Don't tell your mama
or anybody else.

Why?

Everybody deserves to know
what a scammer Ashley is.

Whatever happened to all that
ride or die loyalty bullshit

she be talking about?

I understand
where you coming from.

But be honest with yourself.

Are you trying to help Miles
or just hurt Ashley?

Hmm? What are you up to?

Hey, Janelle.

Girl, shut the fuck up.
We're on a mission.

Go, go, go, hurry up, hurry up.

Hi, Trish.

Hey, girl.

I brought bone broth.

Great.

Okay, that's five whites.

One spot to go.

Bone broth.

Now, see,
if my Mustafa was here,

he would have captured
all of these

in under 30 seconds flat.

Did I mention his judo skills?

Not in the last five minutes.

When do we get to meet
the magical Mustafa, anyway?

Well, maybe you can
come visit us.

Oh, yes, I love Bali.

You're moving back to Bali
with Prince Charming?

Shh! Shh! Dang, Earl.

It's still a secret, a'ight?

I ain't told Ash yet.

Okay, but now the vault
is closed.

No more secrets.

-All right.
-Okay.

Man, this little critter
really like you.

Make way! Make way.

Wonderful.

That's a pig pig, ain't it?

Talk about high on the hog.

You know,
it's a saying for a reason.

Speech, my lady, speech.

Oh! Oh! Speech!

This Meatfest could not have
come at a better time.

I needed this so badly.

I'm so glad to have
all of you in our home.

Aww.

Ah, perfect timing.

Everybody, this is Darrell.

I did not know
what to wear to Meatfest,

from the shoes and my fit
all the way up to the do.

I was just--
so I'm so sorry I'm late.

I didn't know
what to do with my dog

because he gets
separation anxiety.

Hmm.

But you would love him.

Chauncey is
the world's sweetest pit.

Luckily, my cousin Meredith,
she came over to sit with him.

But then driving over here,
I got pulled over.

Thank goodness I knew the cop.

'Cause he pulled me over
last week.

- Ah!
- So I pulled out

my "friends and family
of a cop" badge again,

and he let me go.

It works every time.

Okay, we have reached
audacity of the Caucacity

in the white capacity, y'all.

Yes.

-That's a shame.
-Yeah.

I know that dude,
White Darrell.

That nigga hella Mexican.

All right, all right,
where was I?

Well, you all have been there
for me when I needed you.

And more than that,
you've been there

when I've shut my blinds
and tried to hide.

When I was too proud
or scared to ask,

you have always been
a constant support.

And I can trust you
to be honest with me,

even when the truth hurts.

And that, my friends,
is loyalty.

You are my chosen family.

Aww.

- To Meatfest!
- To Meatfest!

All right, now where
do we start with this?

-You okay?
-I'm far from okay.

Mm-mm-mm.

Always the thirsty bitch.

Lap it up, poor baby dumb-dumb.

Trish, just back the fuck off.

Oh.
Oh, no, no, don't talk to me.

Talk to the judge
in divorce court.

Now's not the time.

Y'all need to get your asses
back in there.

Ooh, I should really
whoop your ass

right here
in front of everybody.

Calm down, Trish.

Don't fucking tell me
to calm down!

- Excuse me?
- Hey!

Oh, why is everyone in here?

Is it something I said?

Earl.

Don't look at me.

I'm-I'm Switzerland.

Oh. Huh?

You?

Earl? Janelle? Nancy? No?

None of y'all, hmm?

Okay, you know what? Fuck it.

I cannot do this shit anymore.

No more secrets.

Mommy,

Ashley done fucked around
on Miles,

and everybody here knows
but you.

Jacque, I am in love with you.

And I tried
to break you and Cuddie up

by telling P-Lo to tell him
to wear a pirate costume.

Sabotage.

Uh, I have some good news.

Um, I'm moving back to Bali.

Hold on. What?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

Go back.

Ashley, that's not true, is it?

I don't--um...

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.
There's um... no excuse.

Rainey, I just miss him
so much.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I-I just wanted
a bit of normal again.

I've just been having
a really hard time.

And it's not
anyone else's problem,

so I just stuff it down.

But it's gotten worse,

and I- I don't feel
like myself anymore.

I just--I got drunk,

and some guy was being
really nice to me,

and... it was so stupid.

And I'll tell Miles myself.

Just- just please, at least
let me tell him myself.

Well, you just did.

Oh, shit.

My brother done
broke out of jail.

I tried to call.

But there's no phones
at Meatfest, so...

Come on, Thizzly.
We did it.

We got the praying mantises!

Dad!

I missed you.

Fuck.

We are at white capacity.

Darrell, I will
make you a plate,

but you gotta go.

Okay.

Shit, I'ma name
this shit "Onna Gang," nigga,

'cause, nigga,
everything I'm saying, nigga,

that's on gang, nigga.

♪ Just cause you got
Ya ass a gun ♪

♪ That don't make you
A gangster ♪

♪ Ol' badass lil boy
I'll give you a spanking ♪

♪ I know some niggas
Want me dead ♪

♪ I be keeping 'em patient ♪

♪ Keep taking pictures
With all them hammers ♪

♪ Ain't beating no cases ♪

♪ Load the clips up
With gloves ♪

♪ I ain't leaving no traces ♪

♪ I'll leave up out this Earth
before leaving a statement ♪

♪ Fuck with us
Yeah, just know ♪

♪ That you beefing
With Haitians ♪

♪ We ride around with baby K's
On a special occasion ♪

♪ Li'l bitch, I'm a dog
But a lion at heart ♪

♪ You know that shit
Gon' come to light ♪

♪ You can't hide in the dark ♪

♪ And you can't get up
In this whip ♪

♪ Catch you riding a bar ♪

♪ And you don't mean
Shit you tweet ♪

♪ But be typing it hard ♪

♪ And every time I hit a bitch
It be from behind ♪

♪ When they had me
In that cell ♪

♪ I was beefing with time ♪

♪ Nah, nigga, I don't rap
I'm just speaking my mind ♪

♪ DaBoii for president, bitch
I'm freeing the guys ♪

♪ Keep on talking
Out your neck ♪

♪ That shit funny as fuck ♪

♪ I'm finna pull up
On your sister ♪

♪ And bust me a nut ♪

♪ I'm not familiar
With no manners ♪

♪ Or no home training ♪