Blindspotting (2021–2023): Season 2, Episode 2 - Life Is Too Short - full transcript

Hey, yo, what's up?

This is Too $hort,

and you won't believe
what's happening

this week on Blindspotting.

Bitch!

I'm fun.

Very busy here, ladies.
What do you need?

We quit.

I'm starting my own business.

Hey, I want to be your partner.

Our new business is our
own private kink service.



Oh, what up, Trish?

Fuckin' Cuddie.

My pops, he's a chef at, uh...

You know that spot,
Brewer's Feast?

I don't know if you see it,
but you're doing really good.

Ashley, I'm definitely
not doing good.

Bro, what the fuck
are y'all doing?

Earl,
you just completed

your first three
months in group.

How do you feel?

I'm really just
keeping to myself,

not fuckin' with anybody.

Except June.

June's my high
school girlfriend.



We kind of reconnected

after I went back for
the second six months.

I mean, I don't...
I don't really know

what we doing...

but it's been nice.

Before I-I got locked
up, there was this family

I was around a lot,

just reconnected with
them for real, so...

so that feels like getting
a piece of myself back.

Still haven't
called my pops back.

Back...

Sorry.

Still feel off-keel

around anybody who
saw me on my back.

- Hands behind your back!
- Hands behind your back!

Sorry.

I guess I just feel like
they can see right to my past

with too much eye contact.

I feel brittle,

fragile in the wind,

like I can fall off a
cliff at any moment.

So...

so I ain't too keen on
letting anybody near me

on the cliff again.

You know?

I
think it's healthy

for men in our
situation to be careful

about who we spend
our time with.

I always encourage us
to look around and ask,

"Who's a positive force?

Who's a negative force?"

Who do you need
around you, Earl?

♪ I'm born ♪

♪ I'm born anew ♪

And it is through these
trials and tribulations

that we do what it do.

You feel me?

'Cause Christ had dreads.

Apostle 40 said shake 'em.

So by the power
vested and tested

by the nigga Jesus,

I pronounce y'all
husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

- Wait, wait. Please...
- Hmm?

Put your fee on
Miles Turner's books.

That's Miles with
an M, not an N.

Not the brown man.

The white man over there. Okay?

Wonderful
service, Reverend.

Wonderful service, Reverend.

Well done.

Another successful nuptial.

I got two, actually,
next week on Tuesday.

- Okay.
- So that's squares you up

to... two racks.

- Two? That's not bad.
- It's two racks on your books.

- Two on the books? I'm good.
- 'Cause of me.

But I just don't
know why you don't let me

put it on there myself.

You know I'm good
with the bread.

Just leave me my hustle.

I'm bored as fuck in here.

- I need this.
- I feel that.

Uh, how is your business going?

Oh, Kinky Blinders.

Bro, business is booming.

- Okay.
- I'm actually gonna

take the team out to celebrate

at the spa where Ashley work at.

- Ashley said it was cool?
- Yeah.

Oh, so y'all getting along now?

Mm-hmm.

Uh, what about you and
Jacque? How y'all doing?

Oh, Jacque.

Like, she got this
new nigga, right?

And it's almost like

our wifedom is no longer sacred.

- Mm-hmm.
- It's almost like,

"Bitch, what happened
to our time?"

Is your girlfriend
cheating on you

with her new boyfriend?

- What?
- In your mind...

is Jacque your girlfriend?

No, nigga.

'Cause one might speculate,
ruminate, deduce, detect,

- otherwise peep game...
- No.

- That you...
- No, no.

And Jacque have a...

I am not in love with Jacque.

- Ooh, I didn't even...
- Miles.

Say that word!

You were implying it!

You act like I'm
proposing something crazy,

like you don't be
knocking bitches.

Ay, ay, ay.

Jacque ain't no bitch.

- Okay.
- She is a goddess, an empress.

My... my tag... my
tag-a-lo... How do you say it?

I think you're
going for Tagalog.

My Tagalog queen.

If she's gonna be your queen,

I think you better learn
how to say Tagalog.

Look. Tell me about this suit.

You like this shit,
huh? It's hard.

I do. I like that shit.
That shit's a'ight.

This shit's Versace.

Go on, give a little spin.

Oh, yeah. That's hard.

- Ay.
- Oh, all right, sis.

You know, that really
means some shit in here.

Stop, Trish.

I got your back.
I got your back.

Okay. Here we go.

Oh, okay, okay.
Careful. Careful.

Plant kids.

Okay, herbs. Here we go.

Get low. Get
low. Get low. I got you.

I got you. I got you.

Watch out. Watch
out. Watch out.

Hi, baby.

Hey, what's up, boo?

Your roommates
are so crazy.

Crazy a word for it.

Um, all right, y'all.

These orders are ready.

Take this to B-town, my brother.

- For sure.
- Thank you.

Appreciate you. To Fillmore.

- Filthy?
- Yep. Already know it.

Uh, Rob.

Rob, Rob, go and take
these to Antioch.

I need some respect.

What about me? What can I do?

Hey, I got ideas, Earl.

No, um, you...

you still on house
arrest, so nothing.

Aw.

Just keep taking orders,

and keep your monitor plugged in

at all times... trust me.

But what about my rap dreams?

I know, and we still... we
working on that one song.

Name my song.

- It's, um...
- See?

You didn't even listen to it.

- Uh, that's right.
- You were trying.

It was helpful.
You was helping.

Oh, your dad, your dad.

Your dad, your dad, your dad.

Pick it up. Pick
it up. Pick it up.

No. No, babe, it's not...

Come on, pick it up.

- Mm, please.
- You're not...

Pick it up. Just pick it up.

Please. Pick it up.

Hey, Pop.

Wasn't
expecting you to pick up.

What a surprise.

What are you doing?

Um, I'm cooking.

What are you making?

My duck à l'orange?

Mom's curry roti.

Little goat, you know?

Oh, you two
never use enough saffron.

- Hi, Mr. Sulaiman.
- June!

Jesus Christ.

Cover my flank!
I got heavy fire!

We're actually going out
to celebrate tonight.

- Your son just completed...
- No, no.

- 90 days of his first...
- Stop, stop, stop, stop!

- Group counseling.
- Cut it out!

Baby... why?

Wh... you
go to therapy now?

- It's a good thing.
- Abort! Abort!

You know what? I actually
don't really need to explain...

- Au revoir.
- Au revoir.Bye.

- We gotta go, Dad.
- Okay.

Uh, I gotta go.

Talk soon.

No, you don't have...

He didn't have to
go. We had to go.

You see how he, like...

He's trying.

Whoo!

Those Korean kids
in there whupped me

like they were my daddy.

I got daddy issues now.

Now I know how this
guy feels like.

That's so funny.

You don't need to be a rapper.

You need to be a comedian.
Well, I-I'm gonna go get ready.

I'll see you in an hour.

What, you trying
to go out for real?

Yeah.

I'll call you when
I get to my closet.

We'll... we'll find a theme.

And don't spin out
in the meantime.

- Okay?
- I'm not gonna...

It's just... We're
gonna go celebrate.

I'll see you in 60 minutes.

We're going outside.

We outside.

So nine months
ago, Kinky Blinders

was just a late-night drunk idea

from two badass bitches

who didn't want
to strip no more.

Mm!

And now revenue
is through the roof!

Clientele has tripled.

And we remain the bossiest hos

from here to Hyde Street.

And Carl.

And you too, Carl.

Yeah, I-I'm part of this too.

How can we forget, Carl?

Damn.

So we are here celebrating

nine months of hard work,

determination, and
becoming our own bosses.

- Salut.
- Salut!

- Ladies.
- Yes!

Oh, uh,
sorry, Mr. $hort, uh...

Bitch!

Oh, shit. I think
that's Too $hort.

- Bitch, it is! Ahh!
- Nuh-uh.

- Huh? Who's that?
- What?

That's Too $hort...
Legendary rapper,

Oakland play pimp,
over 25 albums,

Platinum certified,
Bay Area icon

whose favorite
word is "bitch."

Too $hort.

What the fuck?

Oh, shit. I think he fell in.

Shit. Ashley!

- Shit.
- Help!

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, damn.

Uh, I don't
think he's okay.

What's going on?

Bitch, Too $hort is drowning.

What was in that fruit plate?

Oh, we just got an order

of this amazing jabuticaba
imported from Brazil,

which some people
are very allergic to.

Oh, just jump in!
Y'all are naked!

We would, but we just
got these masks on.

Someone gotta save a Bay
Area legend, god damn it!

Oh, my God.
We're going to jail.

Carl, where
the fuck are you?

- We need you.
- Shit, shit, shit.

Oh, shit!

Mr. $hort. Mr. $hort.

Hey, Mr. $hort, you okay?

- Oh, shit.
- Hey.

There is
a heaven for a pimp.

Are you a angel?

I'm Teena.

You mean I'm not dead?

Y'all saved my life?

You had an allergic
reaction to something.

She got you out of there
before you drowned.

I almost drowned in a pool?

Man, that would not
have been player.

I stabbed you with an EpiPen.

Couldn't let a legendary
pimp like yourself

go out like that, Mr. $hort.

Uh, just call me Todd.

- Todd?
- Why?

Who the fuck is Todd?

You know, when I was down
there in thug mansion,

at the pearly gates
of pimp heaven,

I realized something.

I shouldn't be so
hard on you bitches.

Oh.

That's okay.

Y'all know what? I'ma
make it up to you.

All y'all.

I'm taking y'all on
a night on the town,

everything on me.

It's my favorite buffet.

Lil Kayla, what's up?

♪ Yeah,
you keep on calling ♪

♪ But he will not answer ♪

♪ I'm in here acting like
The nigga private dancer ♪

♪ He want me to be
His private chauffer ♪

♪ So I rode that boy
Like a rollercoaster ♪

♪ Yeah, I get on
it And get to it ♪

♪ I get on it and get to it ♪

♪ Boy, yeah, I do me
Boy, yeah, do me ♪

♪ Don't stop ♪

♪ Do me, boy, pop ♪

♪ If you don't know about me ♪

♪ I'm Lil K from the Bay ♪

♪ No matter what I do... ♪

Fucking buffet.

Hey, thank you
very much, gentlemen.

Enjoy your evening.

Hello, Carl.

Hey, ladies.

Apparently Too $hort's paying
for everything tonight,

so order up.

Order some shit. All right?

Hey, Trish, you
still got a box here.

I want you to take it
home tonight, okay?

Shit's really
buzzing back there.

I gotta go find my queen.

Enjoy, ladies.

Oh, I do miss this
place sometimes.

Ew, why?

So many memories and
all the girls were here.

And we got to spend
so much time together.

We still can.

Hey, sexy.

You're cute.

Yeah, you.

It's a hot girl
table. Ooh, not you.

Or... you're just a little sad.

Like, you have a sad face.

I wonder what's wrong.

Shot!

Yo...

I do not like that bitch.

I don't want to
knock that bitch out,

but I will.

Okay, and I got your back

like a thong strap.

Oh.

Hey, daddy.

Man. See? This
shit always happen.

Fuckin' Cuddie.

♪ But you
'posed To be his main... ♪

Who is that?

Oh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Looking very nice.

- Come on now.
- Huh!

Oh, we dancing?

Oh, where'd
y'all come from?

Oh, I see you.

Ooh, so
much coordination.

It's the
loafers, though.

It's the loafers for me.

- Very smooth.
- Huh!

Come on.

Good God.

Strut now.

Put
something on it, though.

- Huh!
- Aha!

Put something
on it. Good God.

Yeah, let
me see it, playboy.

Ooh, yeah. You gotta
check her out one time.

She's looking real good.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

[singers] ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, bro man.

Look at that jacket.

Hey, bro
man. Let me borrow that.

Oh, look
at those shoes.

Yeah, I see
you. That ain't your girl.

Oh, you going
to that restaurant?

Oh, right in there.

That ain't your girl.

Why you steal my girl, right?

Oh, take
it away, playboy.

Oh, yeah.

He too cool.

Yes! Go Ash!

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

Ay, twerk it, twerk it.

Whoa!

Hey, you get very handsy
when you're drunk.

See? I'm fun. I'm a fun person.

- I think so.
- Right?

Would a funless bitch be

smackin' ass and taking shots?

- Absolutely not.
- Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!

You came!

Well, bitch, you sent
me, like, 15 texts.

- Okay. Let's hit it.
- Oh, shit, okay. Goddamn.

Yes, put your back into it.

Uh-blah-dow.

I can't believe you came.

Girl, when a invitation ends
in "Too $hort invited us,"

listen, now you know
the Oakland in me

just couldn't say no.

You feel me?

Yeah, but you know we
up in this thing, Mama.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm going to get
us another round.

Ooh.

Hold up.

Honey, Ashley is about to get
super-duper turnt up tonight.

She already looks super-duper
turnt up, don't she?

She's cute, though.

Yeah, whatever.

Oh, this my girl at the center.

Hey, so, um, when they
brought me back to life,

I've realized something.

I ain't Too $hort no more.

Done with that $hort shit.

I'm Todd.

So wait, wait.

You don't even want me
to shake that monkey?

Only if you want to.

This night is so dope.

Thank you, Too $hort.

Todd.

My name is Todd.

Wow.

That man is really fucking
killing me right now.

Oh.

I don't think we've met.

I'm Ashley.

Thanks for saving Too $hort.

I'm Teena.

Actually, you know what?
You look hella familiar.

Mm, I don't be going nowhere

except the hotel you was just at

and Marin,

so unless you were in the
San Quentin parking lot,

I mean...

Bitch, that's it!

I be there every weekend.

My man is doing a bid out there.

He been in four years already.

- Hmm.
- So who you got out there?

Husband. Same.

He's about nine months
into a five-year bid.

Ooh, girl, that is
the honeymoon phase.

Listen, it all goes
downhill from here.

Pour me one, bitch.

Let's go.

See, girl, that's level.

All the way to the top.

Work that
pole, baby girl.

Don't cry.

- Another shot.
- Okay.

Because... because, you
know, after a while,

it's like, don't even
have friends anymore,

because they don't
even understand

- what you going through.
- No.

They can't even
comprehend that shit.

They can't even comprehend.

So why bother?

Why bother?

- Bitch.
- Huh?

Have you heard of
family visitation?

- Yes!
- Oh, my gosh.

I'm about... I'm... I'm
about to have my first one.

Sex.

Sex!

- Sex.
- Sex in jail!

Why they gotta sit us right
next to the kitchen, though?

You gonna be okay?

Nah, I'm gonna be
good. It's just like...

Hello, mademoiselle,
monsieur. Bonsoir.

My name is Priscilla.

I'll be taking care
of you this evening.

Can I get you started off
with something to drink?

Uh, actually, do you have
any other tables tonight?

No, I'm so sorry.

We're fully booked tonight.

Uh, you know what?

Um, I think we're
gonna take some wine.

Great. White, red?

We've got a great Côte d'Or.

We'll actually do the
Châteauneuf-du-Pape.

All right.

I'll return to take your orders.

Oh, the Châteauneuf.

I know you see your boy.
It's actually the best.

My pops would say it
would be some other shit,

but he's just gonna buy
whatever is more expensive

than the fuckin' restaurant.

Maybe your pops is just
trying to, you know,

speak what he wants
into existence.

What's it like over
there on the sunny side?

It's so...

What? We're
86ing the shrimp?

- Yes!
- Okay, got it.

You sure you're okay here?

No, I'm fine. I'm good. Fine.

It's just like, the door
is just, like, right...

I'ma just... I'ma
go to the bathroom.

- Okay. Yeah.
- Yeah.

Okay.

- I'm so...
- I'm sorry. No, no.

- All over...
- Please, please, stop.

Just please, please, I'm good.

No, no, I'm good. Everyone,
I'm okay. I'm okay.

- Can we get some help here?
- My grill is right...

Stop! Can you stop, please?

Can you stop?

Please!

It's fine. I'm fine.

Eat! What the fuck
is y'all looking at?

Damn, I said it's good!

Baby, let's go, man.

Fuck!

♪ Bad lil' mama
Tryin' to show it all off ♪

♪ With my lil' brody
Pop pills in the car ♪

- Hey, Trish.
- Mm.

Why the fuck is you wearing
a beekeeper costume?

Well, I'm certainly not
going back there without one.

Listen, um, big question.

You're not allergic
to bees, are you?

Why?

Just be careful opening that,

that's all.

There-there might be no
bees in there at all,

and-and there might
be a lot of bees.

Proceed with caution.

All right, all right,

all right, all right,
all right, all right.

Okay.

♪ She a
ho and she with it ♪

♪ Let her live that
life Lil' bitch ♪

♪ She a ho and she with it ♪

♪ Let her live that
life Lil' bitch ♪

♪ I been out with my
niggas In the night life ♪

♪ And the city lights
Got me feelin' so right ♪

Oh, fuck.

Oh, no, we're all good.

- We're all good.
- No, we're not all good.

You're good. I'm not good.

I don't know where
my fuckin' bees are.

Hey, who's got my fuckin' bees?

♪ I am
on I am on something ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Juul pod gone So
I smoke cigarettes ♪

♪ Out of good weed
So I ate Percocets ♪

♪ I don't know her ♪

Hmm.

♪ But I
really like neck ♪

Hey, bitch.

Take a shot with me.

Don't... don't be mad.

Okay...

I promise.

I found these in the box.

Oh, Trish.

You stole these for me?

You still be stealing shit
for me 'cause you love me.

Come on. Let's do another shot.

Jacque! Where's Jacque?

Talking to Cuddie,
like fuckin' always.

You and Jacque, child.

Why you say it like that?

- Huh?
- Why you say it like that?

Did you talk to Miles today?

No-no, why?

What... what did he
say? What did he do?

He was like, "You are
in love with Jacque."

And I was like, "Uh, no."

- Okay.
- What?

- Okay...
- What?

Y'all be walking around
in y'all panties and shit

and call each other
my boo and wifey,

and y'all kiss often.

Okay, well, she's mine.

Yeah, well, you know, I
just be minding my business,

'cause I got my own shit, Trish.

You know, I got
the whole entire...

- Prison thing?
- Yes.

- Yeah.
- And it's crazy!

So I ain't got time to
be sleuthing your shit,

and that's why I just let you...

it's just hard, you know?

Because if you want something,
you gotta fight for it

because you do, 'cause
then it's just gone,

and then you have it,

and then you're going
to get champagne,

and then they're dragging
you out the door,

and you're like, "What?"

And then you're left
alone in the street,

and you're like, "No!"

And then, you know,
it's just sad.

It's just fucking sad.

I can't have that.

No.

I cannot have that.

Mm-mm.

No.

What was that for?

You're being hella
nice right now.

But I am nice.

And I'm fun.

Tell your mom.

You know what,
bitch? You right.

- I need to take what's mine.
- Mm-hmm.

Cuddie's in too deep.

- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- I need to break them up.

- Mm-hmm.
- I need to break them up.

Don't let nobody steal your joy.

I need to break them up.

Yeah. Huh. Yeah.

Hey.

There's a door like that
in my dad's restaurant.

To the kitchen.

And when they arrested me...

Stop spinning.

Why would you even want
to be around all of this?

What "this"?

This! All of this
fucking shit!

What happens in my head...
A door, a fucking door!

I can't even go out.

I can't even be fuckin' normal.

I'm not the sunny
side, June. I'm not.

I'm... I'm sorry, I'm...

- I think I should just...
- Leave?

Right?

What do you want me to do?

Let me ask you something.

What has leaving ever done?

And where the fuck
is you off to?

I-I just really wanted
you to try the wine.

Ooh, this wine
better be worth it.

You're...

a thief.

You're a whole thief.

- What?
- I...

Told you. Told you.

Hmm. Okay. Okay.

Come on.

Well, we need to take a picture,

- because I look too good.
- No, baby...

I'm covered in wine. I'm not...

I'm not trying to
take a picture.

You know what?

Give me this.

What is you doing?

Babe, babe! What are you doing?

- What are you doing?
- Now we match.

- We match.
- What are you doing?

There you go.

Ah.

Smile.

♪ Ay, yeah ♪

♪ Dollar and dreaming
Instrumental ♪

♪ That's me, the individual ♪

♪ Trying to live
Off my residual ♪

♪ Ay, I be lookin'... ♪

We got Too
$hort up in this thing.

Are you ready to
shake that monkey?

Fuck that. Fuck that.

Stop the music.

Do not shake that monkey.

Don't.

Wait, what-what's going on?

I can't stand up on
this shit no more.

Oh, my gosh.

Damn, y'all bitches
done broke Too $hort.

It's Todd.

Ain't nobody fucks with Todd.

We want $hort Dog.

Somebody do something, please.

There's no music.

My name is Todd.

- It's Todd!
- No!

Listen to me! You are not Todd.

You are Too $hort.

Now, what is your favorite word?

- Come on!
- I can't.

I won't do it.

Look, I said, what's
your favorite word?

- Say it!
- I'll say it.

- It's... it's bitch.
- Yeah!

You better say it like $hort.

That's right.
Say it with some feeling!

Bitch!

$hort Dog in the house!

Man, I'd fuck with him.

I'd fuck with him
if he wasn't bald.

Yeah, like, a CFO at a
startup in Silicon Valley.

Chad doesn't like
going down on women.

But I feel like you'd
be really good at it.

You know what I mean? Yes!

Yes!

Drink that, and then eat my...

Bitch!

- Oh!
- Oh!

Oh,
she's going down!

- Get the fuck up!
- What the hell?

- Ahh!
- Fuckin' bitch.

First our piñata got
stolen, and now violence?

You shut the
fuck up too, bitch.

Fuck all you bitches!

Get her, get her.

Bitch, you knocked
the shit out of her.

She's so sleep right now.

Ahhh!

Bees!

Make it rain, Trish!

No. No, no. Okay. Wait.

No, but bruh... bruh
is a fuckin' legend.

Too $hort!

Bitch!

- Yo, you got hands.
- Uh-uh.

Trish with the money
smoke bomb escape, bitch!

Whoo!

You saved me.

Ugh, I fuckin' love you, girl.

- Girl...
- Mm.

That's my bitch
right there. Okay?

Oakland and Richmond with
the one, two, wap-wap!

Wap-wap!

Beat that ass, bitch.

Oh, shit. The light's
green. It's freezing.

- Let's go.
- Ah!

Come on, ladies.

♪ Game recognize
Game in tha bay, mane ♪

♪ Game recognize game
In tha bay, mane ♪

♪ Game recognize Game
in tha bay, mane ♪

♪ Mac Mall and JT ♪

♪ About to do their thang ♪

♪ Game recognize
Game in tha bay, mane ♪

♪ Game recognize game
In tha bay, mane ♪

♪ Game recognize Game
in tha bay, mane ♪

♪ Mac Mall and JT ♪

♪ About to do their thang ♪

♪ Bucked around
And fucked around ♪

♪ Made another hit Comin'
again from the top ♪

♪ About to tell ya
About this shit ♪

♪ This shit that I'm poppin'
Game is what I'm choppin' ♪

♪ Never underestimate
The Mac when he rockin' ♪

♪ 'Cause me and Mac Mall
Standing tall for tha trey ♪

♪ On our way from tha bay so
What tha fuck you got to say ♪

♪ Game recognize game is
Tha way tha shit flow ♪

♪ Break tha beat down
Smoke a dub and get low ♪

♪ Vicious as I come cause
I come kinda vicious ♪

♪ Missing little snitches
'Cause you know ♪

♪ I'm about to spit this ♪

♪ Rhyme for tha
number nine Nigga ♪

♪ Grab your gat
Cock tha hammer back

♪ And pull tha trigger ♪

♪ Squatting in the buck buck ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't give a fuck ♪

♪ Puffin' on the blunt now
Ya know I'm kinda stuck ♪

♪ So when ya hear me goin'
Bust a move and get low ♪

♪ Recognize game cause
Your boy about to flow ♪

♪ Game recognize
Game in tha bay, mane ♪

♪ Game recognize game... ♪