Bleach: Burîchi (2004–2012): Season 1, Episode 15 - Kon no uhauha sakusen - full transcript

[♪♪♪]

[MAN SINGING IN JAPANESE]

RUKIA:
A Menos Grande appeared,

and somehow,
he defeated it.

It won't take long for
the news to get back

to the Soul Society...

Ichigo.

KON:
Ichigo!

[WAILING]

[YAWNING]

What's the big idea of
waking me up so early, fuzzball?



You have a nightmare?

Oh, I'll say
it's a nightmare.

Just look what your
sister did to me.

This is an outrage.

I'm calling the stuffed
animal protection--

Quit complaining.

They usually wash you
because you were filthy.

Besides, you shouldn't be
running around naked anyway.

Listen, the bath and
the frou-frou outfit

were bad enough,
but then she took super glue,

and stuck this flower
to my ear.

So?

Oh, right.

Like, you don't see the problem
with a boy wearing a flower?



Yeah, you're
right, Kon.

That sucker's really on
there to stay, isn't it?

[CRYING]

Well, let's see.

I could surgically
remove your ear.

What?

Whoa, how'd it
get to be so late?

I've gotta
get moving.

Breakfast,
here I come.

KON:
What did I ever do
to deserve this kind

of humiliating
treatment?

Aren't I one of
the team too?

Am I not an equal?

Don't I deserve
some respect?

Fine, then.

They don't want
me around?

I'll fix them.
I'll take off.

I'll go on a journey
of my own to someplace

where I'm appreciated.

Someplace where
I truly belong.

Hey, Rukia, time
to leave for school.

Hey, now.

I'm serious.

I heard you.

I'm not deaf,
you know.

Hey, is
something wrong?

I'm fine.

I think I'm just
a little tired

after yesterday's
incident, you know?

You're not upset
about anything?

No. I'll see you at school.

That's weird.

Running away to start a new
life seemed like a good idea,

but I wished I'd remembered
to bring along a little lunch,

plus I don't have
any money.

Hell, I don't have
any pockets. Huh?

KON:
Jackpot!

Huh?

KON:
Come on,
pick me up.

You know you
want to.

All girls love cute
little stuffed animals.

And these are
Orihime's classmates.

Perfect!
GIRL: Oh, look at that.

Someone left a cute little--
Filthy stuffed animal.

Huh?

KON:
Uh-oh.

I said that out loud,
didn't I?

I just blew my cover.

It just talked,
didn't it?

Yes.
It sure did.

KON:
Okay, Kon, let's think calmly
how to get out of this.

Get up and run
like hell!

No stuffed animal outruns
track star Ryo Kunieda.

I run the 100 meters
in 12 seconds flat.

Oh, why me?

All I wanted was
a little kindness.

And instead, I keep running into
people who want to stomp on me.

[HUMMING]

Huh?
[GIGGLES]

Hi, Rukia.

How are you?

Oh, hey there,
Orihime.

I'm fine.

Can I walk
with you?

Of course you can.

I didn't know you were
an early riser like me.

Do you always come
to school this early?

No, I'm
usually late.

But with summer
almost here,

I'm so excited that
I can't sleep,

and every morning I pop
out of bed all sparkly.

Yay.
Right.

Summer's just the
best season, isn't it?

What are you going to do
for your vacation, Rukia?

Uh, oh,
I have no idea.

There's a fireworks
festival in August,

and Tatsuki and a bunch
of us are going.

You should come
along with us, Rukia.

We go every summer,
and it's always really fun.

What do you say?

The fireworks
festival?

Mm-hmm.

In fact, we should ask
Ichigo to go with us too.

It'll be just like
the time we all

went to see Don
Kanonji together.

Now that was fun.

Oh yeah, that certainly
was interesting, wasn't it?

Mm-hmm.

Of course, Ichigo
came along that time,

because his family
was going.

He can be so
thoughtful sometimes.

Huh?

And his family's
so fun.

Sometimes, I wonder how
he's related to them,

because he's so
serious all the time.

If I didn't know better,
I'd say it's almost

like Ichigo has a permanent
frown on his face.

Yes, I know what
you mean.

Funny, though,
I always thought you

didn't like Ichigo
very much, Orihime.

Well, let's just say when
you take a good look at him,

he has a really
interesting face.

[GIGGLES]

I hope you come
to the festival.

You'll have fun.
I promise.

All right,
I'll think about it.

I'm ready to go,
Tatsuki!

Give me your
best fastball.

KON:
Oh, I found you,
my goddess Orihime.

Things didn't work out so
well the last time we met,

but this time
will be different.

All I have to do is just
lie there helpless right

in her path,
and when she sees me,

she'll have no choice
but to pick me up.

Then my life will be complete
as she cuddles me,

and holds me tenderly, in
the valley of soft pillows.

Yes, I have finally
devised the perfect plan

to achieve my goal.

Now to put it
into action.

Oh, beautiful Orihime,
your awesome cuddles await me.

Wait! This is not part
of the plan.

Pitch coming.

Dragon bazooka kick!

[YELLING]

Here we go!

[YELLING]

Ah!

It's out of here!

KON:
Orihime,
how could you?

Yeah, nice hit, Orihime, but
it was a pretty easy target,

and really the defense
didn't have a chance.

One measly run hardly
seems like a reason

to break out
the champagne.

Huh? Oh.

[EXCITED CHATTER]

Are they playing
or what?

Yo, Ichigo.

Checking out
the girls, huh?

Oh, I gotcha,
staring at Orihime.

Ooh wee, she is quite
the boobalicious babe.

Hey, I thought I told you
to never do that again.

Oh right, like
you don't know it's

totally normal for teenaged boys
to be obsessed with hot cuties.

Okay, I admit there's
nothing wrong with that.

What did you say?

Oh, I get it.

Orihime's just not
your type.

Quit all that
messing around,

and get over here
and help me out.

Oh, right.
Sorry.

[GRUNTS]

There.
That does it.

Thanks a lot,
Ichigo.

Hey, that reminds me, have
you guys seen Uryu anywhere?

He's not in
school today.

Yeah, yesterday I
saw him in the park.

He was talking to himself
and running around,

and acting like
a weirdo.

It's like he was having some
battle with imaginary monsters

or something.
He is kinda overly dramatic.

ICHIGO:
Was Asano there yesterday?
That could be trouble.

Hey, now you mention it,
maybe that's his deal.

Maybe Uryu's in
some drama class,

and he was there
rehearsing for a play.

Come to think
of it,

there were three other weird
people there too.

Those must have
been his co-stars.

I think there was
even some kind of...

ICHIGO:
Thankfully, Keigo's
a total idiot.

It looks like
I dodged another bullet.

[BELLS CHIMING]

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

Uryu,

what in the world
happened to you?

I, um, fell down
the stairs.

Hmm,
whatever you say.

Well, take your seat
and turn to page 110.

[STUDENTS MURMURING]

RUKIA: Don't let it bother you.
Hmm?

His injuries aren't
your fault.

He brought it
on himself.

Besides, it would
have happened anyway.

You've gotta
be kidding.

I'm not the least bit
worried about Uryu.

Interesting. I never suggested
you were worried about him.

If you recall, all I said
was don't let it bother you.

Why you...

BOY 1:
Do you think he was
in a fight?

GIRL 1:
Uryu? No way.

GIRL 2:
I can't believe
he came in so late,

in the middle of
third period.

TEACHER:
All right, class,
quiet down.

Ichigo, ready to go
have lunch, big guy?

I guess I'm ready,
but how about if

I invite someone
new to join us?

Oh, you want to invite
the new girl I bet, huh?

You go, mister.

Hey, Uryu,
what's up?

You want to come have
some lunch with me?

Ah, what is Ichigo doing
inviting the freakazoid

to eat lunch
with us?

He must have blown a fuse
to do something so stupid.

I can't be seen
with that geek.

Anyone but
Mr. Bandages.

Ichigo, have you
gone crazy?

I think you're
the crazy one.

No thanks.

Oh, how rude.

Oh come on.
It's no big deal.

Besides,
Asano's buying.

I'm buying?

Well,
if you insist.

Oh, it's like
that, huh?

I've been under suspicion
from the very beginning,

and it won't be much longer
before they come for me.

GIRL:
There she is.
Hey, Rukia.

Come on down.

Why don't you
join us for lunch?

Yeah!
Oh, wow.

Jinta, stop. You're supposed
to be helping me sweep.

Nah, put a sock
in it, okay?

Boys don't do
that stuff.

Jinta swings,
it's a home run.

Yay!

URURU:
Excuse me, Mr. Urahara,
Mr. Tessai.

There's a cat.

URAHARA:
Is that right?

Well, let's see
who it is.

Yes, it's Yoruichi!

You've come back.
[LAUGHS]

Come here,
you little devil.

Let me take
a look at you.

JINTA:
What's with the cat?

TESSAI:
Not just any cat.
It's Yoruichi.

That feline happens to
be the boss' best friend.

Whoa, it kind of leaves you
feeling sorry for the guy,

having a cat for a best
friend is pretty pathetic.

URAHARA:
You're my fuzzy little
troublemaker, yes you are.

Now, who's
your Daddy, hmm?

[SLURPING]

KEIGO:
Oh, this is the most
miserable lunch ever.

What am I doing with
these lame-oids anyway?

It's like eating in
a graveyard or something.

[SCREECHING]

What's wrong?

Oh, it's just
you, Chad.

You seem a little
on edge, Keigo.

I am not. Shut up.

Hmm?

Hey there, Keigo,
if you're all done eating,

why don't you
tell us a story?

Ah!

No way,
I'm not in the mood.

Then get in the mood.
Pronto.

No fair. If you wanted
happy times, then you

shouldn't have invited that wet
blanket, Uryu, to eat with us.

But I'll do my best.

So there I was,
dudes, out on the town

on a Saturday night
trolling for Sushi.

The first place
I went...

Hey, Ichigo, why did
you invite me to lunch?

If it's because you're feeling
responsible for my injuries,

you're wrong, and you're
wasting your time.

I don't need
anyone's pity,

and I certainly don't want
your friendship.

Eat your lunch
and shut up.

I just felt like it.
That's all.

It certainly had nothing
to do with sympathy,

or because
I like you.

Consider yourself lucky
to not be eating alone.

Oh, I'm supposed
to be grateful here?

You have a lot
of nerve,

especially since
I prefer eating alone.

I prefer eating alone,
too, so why don't you

just look
the other way?

Why don't you
look away?

This whole thing was your
idea in the first place.

MIZUIRO:
Man, these two are
a lot alike.

KEIGO:
I had a date with Destiny,
and Destiny had just

ordered the lobster. Get it?
[LAUGHS]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

Ta-da.

It's a choco-jelly
sugar death tart.

It's eggplant cream sponge cake
with green bean jelly filling,

and chocolate
frosting.

Blah, how can you eat
stuff like that, Orihime?

The question is how
can she eat like that,

and not be as
big as a blimp?

I guess her boobs
absorb the calories.

Hey, can I ask
you something?

Do you have
a crush on Ichigo?

Huh?

I'll take that as a maybe,
but what exactly

is your relationship
with that guy?

Well,
he's my friend.

Mahana, that's not
the kind of question

you ask straight
out like that.

I don't see
why not.

It's the question you
wanted to ask her yourself,

but none of you were
willing to do it.

So I just did
it for you.

Hey, just who said I wanted to
know anything like that anyway?

Well, I still wanna
know the answer.

What do you have against
Ichigo anyway, Michiru?

It's not that I have
anything against him.

I just think there's something
kind of scary looking

about his face,
that's all.

Scary looking?

Well,
I don't think so.

I like his face.

MICHIRU:
Really?

You must have changed
your mind then,

because I know you used
to be afraid of him too.

Well, what's
the story, Rukia?

Ichigo and I are...

Ichigo and I are
just friends.

That's all
there is to it.

GIRL 2: For real?
RUKIA: Yes.

GIRL 2:
You mean you don't feel
anything special for him?

Not at all?

RUKIA:
No, there's nothing
else going on.

That's too bad
for us girls.

If Rukia liked Ichigo like
me, that would make two of us,

and we'd have so
much to talk about.

And if Tatsuki decided
she liked Ichigo,

then pretty soon we would
probably all start liking him.

And we could sit around and
talk about all the reasons

we like him, and it would be
a sure win for the girls' team.

Someone stop her
before her nonsense

starts to make
sense to me.

Say, it's actually
not a bad idea

to have an affection
competition.

But I have to make sure I get
first dibs on the beautiful

smile of Orihime's.

So let's go with
a one-on-one.

Just you and me.

Give it to me,
Orihime.

Ah!

Not exactly what
I had in mind.

Just give it a rest,
Chizuru.

[GIGGLES]

Anyway, Rukia, tomorrow
I'll be sure to bring you

some of my other
yummy desserts,

so you can try them
out yourself.

Then we can enjoy
them together.

Okay, I'll think
about it.

Aw, that's the same thing
you said to me last time.

You keep saying that, Rukia.
I'll think about it.

Oh, really?
I guess I do.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

RUKIA:
This is nice.
But...

I know I don't
belong here.

What did I ever do to
earn such shabby treatment?

But none of this
would have happened to me

if it hadn't been
for Ichigo.

You just wait,
Ichigo,

'cause now I'll use the deadly
weapons that weird hat and clogs

guy has collected in his store
to get my revenge on you.

[LAUGHS]

Huh?

Ah,
what's with you?

Trying to sneak up on me, huh?
I'll make mincemeat outta ya.

Don't think you got a chance
just because we're both cats.

I'm a lion.

Ha, scared you off
already, huh?

What a pussy.

That was too easy.

Now to steal me
some weapons.

Check it out.

Who knew Mod-Souls could be
put into stuffed animals?

Huh?

Hi, little fella.

Little fella?

Yoruichi here told
us all about you.

[MEOWS]

KON:
You mean that
stupid cat can talk?

JINTA:
Coming in through people's
windows is a serious crime.

Ururu, grab him!

KON:
Wait, let go of my leg.
Wait, stop that!

JINTA:
One, two, three.

KON:
Yow!

[♪♪♪]

RUKIA:
Ichigo.

Hmm?

What's up?

The Hollow?

No,
it's not that.

Um?

Ichigo,
are you feeling okay?

Hmm?

Yeah, I feel great,
but why are you asking?

No reason.

I'm just glad
you're okay.

Is there going to be
another one like yesterday?

If Menos Grande showed up
every day, we'd be in trouble.

ICHIGO:
Rukia,
you know you're...

acting a bit
strange today.

Did something happen?

Uh, uh...

Uh, it's just...

KON:
Ah!

KON: Ah!
ICHIGO: Huh?

Huh?
Ichigo, forgive me.

I shouldn't have
run away.

I realize now that
my place is with you.

I'll promise I'll
never, ever do it again.

Oh, Ichigo,
what was I thinking?

Hey, Kon,
I'm over here.

And why did you run away
you worthless piece of fuzz?

I won't make the same
mistake again, Ichigo.

The world was not kind to
this brave little wanderer.

Take me, take me
back to your room.

KON:
That's where I belong,
and that's where I'll stay.

You want to go back,
huh?

Hey,
what's wrong?

Nothing,
I'm fine.

It's obvious he's become
quite attached to you.

ICHIGO:
He's become quite a pain
in the butt if you ask me.

ICHIGO:
What happened
to you anyway, Kon?

Your stuffing's
coming out.

I'm surprised he's still alive.
Put me down!

Yeah, me too, but I know
just the guy to fix him.

What brings you here?

I need a favor and needlecraft
is your specialty, isn't it?

Can't help you.
Why not?

I don't have to give
you a reason.

Good one.

Oh,
I get the picture.

You won't do it,
because you can't do it.

With those hands all
bandaged up, Mr. Handicrafts,

you're completely
useless.

How insulting.

These wounds are nothing.

Give me that.

Now step back and watch
the work of a master.

KON:
Oh, what's
happening to me?

I don't know
if I like this.

URYU:
This is a
piece of cake.

It's finished.

Nice job.
You think?

Is that thing
really Kon?

Well,
it used to be.

What the hell do
we call him now?

A nightmare.

What have you
done to me?

I've replaced your stuffing
with a fireproof polycarbonate

blend and refurbished
your outer coat

with the broad weave
crushed velvet brocade

in the style
of Marie Antoinette.

I'll never be able
to show my face again.

Huh?

I'm running away
again after all.

URAHARA:
Whatcha doing,
Yoruichi?

Ah, checking
the sky for rain?

YORUICHI:
You can quit with
the act now, Urahara.

We both know what's
really coming.

The two of them
are already here.

Do you want to talk
about this before or after

you have your milk?

ICHIGO:
Hey, Rukia,

I've got
your dinner here.

Huh?

Damn it.

Why does she always have to
disappear right at dinnertime?

RUKIA:
Thank you for everything.

Rear conformity 113.

Neuro union
coefficient at 80.5 percent.

Is this for real?

I didn't think we'd actually
find her in a Gigai.

But it looks like the data
from the visuals department

was reliable.

Rukia Kuchiki.

Yes,
we finally found you.

Heh.

[♪♪♪]

[MAN SINGING IN JAPANESE]

[♪♪♪]

Hi, I'm Uryu Ishida, Home Handy
Crafts Club President,

and this episode did not
showcase my talents very well.

If the producers had just given
me more time like I asked for,

I could have come up with
a much cooler look for Kon.

[SCREAMING]