Black-ish (2014–…): Season 6, Episode 5 - Mad and Boujee - full transcript

DRE: The Black middle class
has been around forever.

We started moving on up way
before George Jefferson did,

and as long as the Black
middle class has been around,

so have the private
organizations they formed

to socialize, mobilize,
and uplift the race.

There are sororities and fraternities

like Alpha Kappa Alpha
and Omega Psi Phi,

and clubs like the Links,
the Boulé, and Jack and Jill.

To be a member of those groups,
you had to be a somebody.

But since I grew up a nobody in Compton,

these people never looked twice at me.



Which is why it was so
surprising when this happened.

Oh. Somebody's lime dressing's
gonna be robust tonight.

- A man who appreciates a shallot.
- Mm-hmm.

Is that for accentuating lamb or veal?

Neither.

Making some, uh, tarragon
fingerling potatoes.

[Both chuckle]

There's a place for brothers like us.

"You're invited to join
Premier Noir, Incorporated...

where the Black elite meet"?

What? Hey.

Oh, hell no.

Bow, we have a problem.

Dre, you can eat a couple grapes.



You're not gonna get in trouble.

What is... [Gasps]

You got invited to join Premier Noir?

- Yes.
- [Chuckles]

That's crazy!

Black social clubs have never
been into me,

and now that I'm a successful
brother with a reusable tote,

I'm Premier Noir material?

Let's not make this about you, Dre.

This is an opportunity for our kids

to be a part of a black community.

I mean, come on, Dre,
we don't go to church that much,

and we live in an all-White
neighborhood...

Yeah.

...and we never manage to get together

with that one Black family
at the school.

Come on, Amukamuras.

All right, let's hang, all right?
We got to do this.

- Mm.
- Come on!

- [Chuckles]
- WOMAN: Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Eh...

She acts like she's
the only doctor at school.

I'm head of Neuro at Cedars.

- And can he talk any louder?
- Ey.

You're from Compton. We get it.

Look, I-I know it's weird for you,

but you got to give Premier Noir
a chance, Dre.

You could be passing up
the opportunity to be a part

of a social network of people
that are just like you.

Please, they're so superficial.

We have nothing in common.

Dre, you are fresh off
of a four-handed massage

from a members-only spa.

Uh, come on.

I also had a seaweed body wrap.

So, what's your point?

You boujee, Dre.

[Gasps]

Yeah.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

6x05 - Mad and Boujee
Original air date October 22, 2019

Bow called me boujee.

Because you are boujee.

- No, I'm not.
- Sure you are.

You, your wife, kids... boujee.

Boujee, boujee.

Boujee, boujee, boujee.

I'm sorry. Um... what is a "Boujee"?

It's someone who starts to make
a little money,

and then they think they're
better than regular Black folks.

- Oh.
- Hmm.

Well, which part of that
is not you, though?

None of it, man.

I think a baseball cap
can still be formal wear.

Yep.

I have a thousand dollars in a
shoe box above the refrigerator

in my kitchen. So, I'm not boujee.

If anything, I'm hood rich.

- Mm-hmm.
- Fascinating.

So... So, what is the difference
between the two?

A-And if you could explain it
to me using a Black person

whom I respect, like,
uh, uh, Kobe Bryant?

Boujee.

- Oh, Cardi B?
- Hood rich.

Uh, Jay-Z and Beyoncé?

W-Well, they started out hood
rich, but then turned boujee

when they wore matching suits
at the Louvre.

Science question...

um, can one be boujee,
but then become hood rich?

Ooh.

You know, there's only one
person we can think of.

Yeah, yeah.

- BOTH: Mariah Carey.
- Mm.

But she gets a pass because she has
a five-octave vocal range, so...

And those hips.

All of this trouble because Bow
wants to join some stupid club!

We... We... We already have
all the clubs we need!

We're members of the Auto Club!

AAA for life!

Yay, yay!

Damn it! Bow got me all worked up.

You know what?

I'm gonna take the rest
of the day and buy me a chain.

Um... it's 10:15 in the morning, Dre.

He doesn't care.

He's hood rich.

JUNIOR: Hey, Pops...

Boy, I told you, I don't care
what you look like

- as an old man.
- No, no, no.

I just wanted to know when your
wedding is so I can figure out

how hard I need to hit Tinder
to find my plus-one.

Well, Lynette hasn't gotten
around to picking a date yet,

but as soon as she does,
I'll let you know.

Wait, I thought you guys were
planning the wedding together?

RUBY: You don't understand, Junior.

Women don't want men's input
for wedding planning.

They're not good at it...

you know, the way women
aren't good at math.

You name me one lady math person.

And don't say "Hidden Figures."

That was science fiction.

[Chuckles]

Uh, Pops, I thought you were
excited to get married.

I am.

I love Lynette.

I'd marry her on the Titanic
or on the Moon.

The wedding itself is just a formality.

It is not.

It is the seed from which your
entire marriage will grow,

and I'm sure she'd love to have
your input.

I'm not so sure, Junior.

Come on, Pops.

Just... let me help you
give this gift to her.

Okay.

But when it goes poorly...

disinviting you will be my gift to her.

Well, my gift to her will be
wearing a high-necked dress

to the ceremony. [Chuckles]

Because these girls are gonna
upstage your girl.

[Chuckles] Believe that.

Nothing's more hood rich than
picking up barbecue in a Benz.

So, after I got my chain,
that's exactly what I did.

[Chuckles]

Guess who went to Compton
and got some barbecue?!

- Whoa.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You got barbecue and we're
joining Premier Noir?

This is the best day ever.

Okay, what's he talking about?

We are not joining Premier Noir.

But it sounds amazing.

She knows, too?

Mm-hmm.

Bow, we discussed this.

I know, but they are so excited, Dre,

and I got us invited to
the new members picnic.

- Why?
- So, they're gonna make new friends,

and all we have to do is show up.

Okay, I'm sorry she got your hopes up,

but we are not joining.

But, Dad, you're always talking
about how special it was

to be surrounded by Black people
growing up.

- [Exhales sharply]
- We want that.

Yeah, we want to meet kids
who look like us.

Mm-hmm.

Kids who love Kendrick Lamar
and the Jonas Brothers equally,

like we do.

Don't keep us from our people.

Please, Dad.

Let us be part of the Black community.

Fine.

- Ah.
- We'll go.

But no hood barbecue for you.

If you want ribs, order from Chili's.

BOW: Oh, she has beautiful hair.

[Gasps] Look at the water.

- DIANE: Ooh, that's pretty.
- It's so pretty.

DRE: Okay. Black people wearing
no-show socks... it's unnatural.

- [Sighs]
- If I see Madras shorts, I'm out of here.

JACK: Oh, look.
They've got a croquet court.

Why can't they play African games?

- What?
- Like basketball.

Okay, come on, guys.

He's not getting any better. Let's go.

Okay. Well, be back in 15 minutes

because we're here to dip in and bounce.

♪

Hey, what's up, brother?

Hey, man, you got a beer with a
horse or a mountain on the can?

Coming right up.

[Can opens]

Oh, hey, hey, I'm not one of them.

- I don't need a glass. Thank you.
- Dre.

- Mm.
- Good to see you, man.

- So glad you could make it.
- Hey.

- Well, thanks for having us.
- I'll take one of those, too, man.

You know, when I saw you in that
farmer's market the other day,

I knew I'd seen you before.

Howard man?

Yeah.

- School of B, class of '94.
- '96.

- [Chuckles]
- HU?

You know.

- All right, all right.
- All right.

So, wait a second. '94?

Mm-hmm.

Were you there when Diddy freaked out

during that finance exam

and had to be carried out
kicking and screaming?

Was I there?

I was one of the dudes that had
to carry him out.

Come on.

Hey, man, he's heavier than he looks.

- [Chuckles]
- Dude got dense bones.

Yeah, to think they called
the other guy "Biggie."

[Both laugh]

♪

Thank you so much.

Looks like our kids have made friends.

Oh. Hey.

- I'm Shaline.
- Hey. Rainbow.

Are those your kids?

- Yeah.
- Aw, that's amazing.

Oh, my God. They're having so much fun.

That's great.

That's what Premier Noir is all about.

- Aww.
- Connection.

Yeah, and a little bit
of day-drinking, am I right?

[Chuckles]

I'm kidding.

[Chuckles]

Well, anyway, we're... we're in.

Where do I drop them off?

Oh, this isn't really a "drop
them off" type of organization.

- Oh, okay. Mm.
- We plan social events...

...community service activities,
educational outings

- that need parental involvement.
- Mm.

Sounds like a second job
with no compensation. [Chuckles]

It's a lot of work,
but it's worth it for our kids.

[Laughter in distance]

- All right, here we go, guys.
- Look at that.

I honestly never thought
I would see Diane laugh

with someone.

[Chuckles]

Sign me up.

[Laughter]

My dip-and-bounce turned
into a stay-and-chill.

You know, one time, my office
had a party at a pool,

and they asked me to sign
a liability waiver

in case I couldn't swim.

Hey, hey, hey. Can you swim?

Of course not,
but they didn't know that.

[Laughter]

You know, I thought I was the only one.

- Mm.
- Hey, oh, you know what?

How many of you are the only
Black executives at your work?

[Exhales sharply]

- Wow.
- Okay, so you get it?

You know, it's like I have to
give a Black history lesson...

- [Groans]
- ...to every coworker every other day.

[Laughter]

Hey, you know what?

You guys should do
an ad campaign to let them know

that they can Yelp "where the
best place in Los Angeles

to hear jazz is."

Oh. Eh... I'm sorry,
do you do advertising?

Yes.

My company's looking for a new firm.

The ad rep at the last one we hired

insisted on referring to me
as "brother man"

every single time we had a meeting.

Hey, look, I can't count
how many clients

want to call me "Dr. Dre."

You know what?

- We should talk.
- All right.

See, Dre? Membership has its privileges.

I see.

You are gonna be
the newest member, right?

♪

Yes, I am.

Yes.

He is.

♪

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, brother, for the record,
I was wrong about Madras.

You are wearing those shorts.

- [Chuckles]
- I mean...

So, I made this calendar of all
the possible dates in 2020

and preemptively blacked out
all the major holidays,

as well as the Super Bowl,
March Madness,

- and the Triple Crown.
- [Chuckles]

- Right?
- Wow.

- You really do get me, grandson.
- Mm-hmm.

But like I said, this is all a ceremony.

- Anything works for me.
- Okay.

Well, uh, I was thinking the Arboretum,

and it looks like they've got
an opening in July.

Ugh. No way.

In that heat?

I mean, I don't really care.

I just don't want Lynette
to be uncomfortable.

All right. Well, I'll start
looking at hotels.

No, no, it's got to be outdoors,
except in disgusting July.

And when was the last Superbloom?

Smack in the middle of March Madness,

so I guess that's out.

No, no, no.

It's just a couple of games
of college basketball.

I can miss those.
This is an important day...

for my lady, who would also like
a cigar-rolling station.

That's what Lynette wants?

You damn right that's what she wants.

This wedding is a chance for
Lynette to celebrate the love

she thought she'd never find,

and now that she's thinking about it,

she wants to make it a day
that she'll never forget.

Wow.

I didn't know this meant so much to her.

It does. To her.

Again, I could go either way.

Okay, Pops. Say no more.

I'll call the Cubans.

My man.

♪

What's up, Charlie?

Is that a Premier Noir membership pin?

Mm. Yes, it is.

Mm.

- What the hell?
- Sorry.

I had to make sure it was really
you and not some pod person,

because the real Dre
would have never joined

some boujee Black social club.

I changed my mind.

Hmm.

I'll [bleep] you up, Charlie.

Okay, it really is you.

Sit down.

Charlie...

I know what you're thinking.

Man, but everybody was cool.

Mm.

Look, man, there were
so many professionals.

Charlie, it's worth doing it
just to boost your career.

They boosting brothers?

Yes, Charlie.

Until I got there,
I didn't realize what it felt

to have that kind of support,

and my kids felt it, too, Charlie.

They made new friends.

What?

Black ones.

[Voice breaking] That sounds great.

Sign me up.

- Sign you up?
- [Chuckling] Yeah.

[Both laugh]

No, really, really, really.

Seriously, sign me up.

Ah, okay.

Oh, yeah. Uh...

[Sniffs]

I'll ask around.

Yeah.

Dre, he's your friend.

Just bring him along.
I'm sure it'll be fine.

- Will it?
- Yeah.

Come on, babe. It's Charlie, all right?

I don't think he's gonna fit in.

You didn't think you would fit in,
and look at you now.

You're having the time
of your life, Dre,

and you're talking
about your new friends

like a little schoolgirl.

That's because Harold
is interesting, Bow.

Did you know his grandfather was a Pip?

- Really?
- A Pip, Bow!

Whoo, whoo!

Fine, okay?

A couple of us are going
to golf tomorrow.

- Maybe I'll bring Charlie along.
- There you go.

I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself,

because I am being run ragged, Dre.

I have to be back
at the hospital in an hour,

and I have 50 more of these
cake pops to make

so I can give them to the kids

so they can bring them
to the Youth Summit.

Okay, babe? Why don't you just buy some?

Because, Dre, according to the by-laws,

young, gifted, and Black children

can only eat homemade treats.

- Oh.
- Hey, Mom.

Hey, guys.

We need you to plan a field trip

to the San Onofre Nuclear
Power Plant for 50 kids.

- JACK: Mm-hmm.
- What?

No, I don't... I don't...
I don't have time for that.

Oh, don't worry.
You have until Saturday.

Hey, okay... Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

You guys want to help me
finish up these cake pops?

Ah, we would, but Jordan
from Premier Noir invited us

to his uncle's house for a jam session.

- Oh, well, that's nice.
- DIANE: Mm-hmm.

His uncle is John.

- Right.
- Legend.

- Mm-hmm.
- What?

We're going to John Legend's house.

Ah! Cake pops!

- Don't give them the...
- Ah!

I hate this.

You're the one that said
we needed this community.

- [Sighs]
- And, Bow, you were right.

You're just saying that
because you're in love

with your new best friends.

I'm saying it because I see the impact

that it's having
on our children already.

- Okay.
- Plus, if I play my cards right,

I can bring in some new business
to Stevens & Lido,

and we can get a Sea-Doo.

- A what?
- We can be Sea-Doo people!

I mean, look at that wave!

Uh-huh! Grab my waist! Hold on!

Whoo! Aah!

Ooh! Mm!

So, I went out on a limb
and invited Charlie.

I figured, "What's the worst
that could happen?"

Hey, brothers!

Y'all looking good.

Looking like the beginning
of a Taye Diggs movie.

Just beautiful.

What the hell have I done?

Uh, hey, Charlie,
Charlie, hey, man, um...

I said, uh, we were playing golf
at a country club.

Dre, this place is nice.
Don't call it country.

Uh, you must be, Mr. Telphy.

- Uh...
- Ah, call me Charlie.

Mr. Telphy is what I call my son
when the rent is due.

[Both chuckle]

Ah. Beautiful day
for the world's greatest game.

- Uh-huh.
- But we're gonna have to golf

because I left my dominos at home.

[Chuckles] Okay, all right,
well, you know what?

I think we're next up on the tee,
so, you know, let's get going.

Let's chop this salad.

Oh! Heh.

[Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" plays]

♪ Don't be shocked by the tone
of my voice ♪

Okay, so, we didn't get off
to the best start.

♪ Check out my new weapon,
weapon of choice ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Don't be shocked... ♪

But it turned out Charlie
really knew how to golf.

All right!

He's on my team.

- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ You can blow with this ♪

♪ Or you can blow with that ♪

♪ You can blow with this ♪

♪ Or you can blow with that ♪

♪ You can blow with this ♪

- All right, Charlie.
- ♪ Or you can blow with... ♪

♪

Okay, Charlie.

♪ Walk without rhythm ♪

And he charmed them
like he charms everybody.

Charlie, you're amazing.

You really handed us our asses.

[Chuckles]

We were just playing for fun.

[Chuckles]

But the bets were real.

- [Velcro ripping]
- Now, I accept the three C's...

cash, credit, cognac.

- [Chuckles]
- What's up with that cognac, brother?

[Chuckles] Let's do it.

- Ah.
- Drinking cognac.

I like Charlie.

- [Velcro rips]
- Great golfer.

- Right?
- Mm-hmm.

You know, uh... good dude.

I think he'd be great for the club.

[Chuckles]

Oh, come on now, Andre.

Well, he's not exactly
Premier Noir material.

What do you mean?

You know he's not like us.

He is exactly like us.

Think about what you're saying

because you sound elitist
as hell right now.

Of course I am. We're an elite club.

Isn't that what you signed up for?

- No.
- Come on, man.

You had a great day golfing, didn't you?

- Yeah?
- It was all right.

Man, look out there.

Would you rather be here,

or at the public course that's
patchy like Kevin Durant's hair?

I mean, man, you didn't have to
go after K.D. like that.

Oh, yeah. No, that was...

Still, though, you know
what I'm saying, man.

We just can't let any person in here.

Hmm.

If you want to be exclusive...

you got to exclude people.

You get it, right?

- I do.
- Good.

I'm sorry. Can we get...

But, uh...

- I don't get down like that.
- Dre...

So...

I can't join your club, bro.

Charlie!

Go ahead and order that cognac
mixed with Dr Pepper!

Okay.

So, I know that you love Premier Noir,

and I love it for you, too.

I mean, you are making new friends

and you are expanding
your horizons, you know?

But it's a lot for me.

You know, and I know you guys
see me as Super-Mom,

and I love that so much, but I-I just...

I-I just got a call

to make 100 more cake pops for tomorrow.

It's too much.

So, if you guys want to stay
in the club, you know,

you're just gonna have to pull
a little more weight.

Shut it down.

- What?
- It was fun while it lasted.

Mm.

Okay, you guys are staying
in Premier Noir,

and you're gonna love it

and you're gonna take on
more responsibility

and you're gonna make
your stupid friends

and expand your dumb horizons

and be a part of the frigging community!

Do you understand me?

- BOTH: Yes.
- Yes, what?!

BOTH: Yes, Dr. Johnson.

Thank you. Mama is off the clock!

I need wine.

♪

Hello.

Oh.

- I have very good news.
- Mm-hmm.

I had a productive talk
with the children,

and I figured out a way to make
Premier Noir work for us.

- Oh. That's great.
- Mm-hmm.

Because I quit.

What?

Dre, I just got the kids
to pull their weight.

Okay, so let them stay in.

It'll be good for them.

I just can't take advantage of it.

Is this about Charlie?

No.

- It's about me.
- Hmm.

I don't have a problem being
a part of an exclusive club,

but not if it means excluding my people.

Hmm.

The world is doing so much to
keep us out of so many places

that I cannot be a part of that, too.

I'm proud of you.

Mm.

You chose principles over a Sea-Doo.

I know.

Huh.

- I'm growing.
- Mm.

- Calm down, Dre.
- What?

Let me know when you stop calling
Economy Class "steerage."

I call it the Middle Passage

because the seats keep getting smaller.

Uh-huh.

Uh... Okay.

They don't serve champagne
back there, Marie Antoinette.

They don't even wash their blankets!

You know, some of those seats
don't even have seatbelts!

[Imitating trumpet fanfare]

Attention, everyone!

Important announcement coming.

Pops has big news.

I picked a wedding date.

Oh. That's great, Pops.

- Okay.
- When is it?

Well, uh, turns out, Lynette
was waiting for me to step up,

get involved,

and she was very proud of me
for taking the initiative.

Well, my God, do you want us
to be there?

- Just tell us the date, old man!
- Uh... May I?

Oh, please do.

Pops' and Lynette's magical day is...

- [Imitating drumroll]
- Wait for it.

March 15th!

- Okay.
- Yay.

- Cool.
- Okay.

- RUBY: Earl?
- Yes?

You're getting married
on our anniversary?

♪

Uh-oh.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com