Big Trouble at Barney's (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Beer and Balls - full transcript
- Jake?
What's her story?
- Who, Nadia?
- Yeah.
She's always playing by herself.
- I don't know, maybe that's her thing.
- Well, I'd like to be her thing.
- Go talk to her.
- No, I'm just gonna finish this.
- You always been an early drinker?
- Don't judge me.
- Hey, I mean the more
you drink the more I make.
Just saying you know, you're
in here a lot of mornings.
- I work nights so this is my after work.
- What do you do?
- Work at the airport on a fueling truck.
- Yeah, you like it?
- Yeah, it's straight.
I just do my thing.
- Wish there were more people in here
for you to hang out with.
- If you get a chance, would you please
find out what her deal is?-
- On the down low?
- So low.
- So, so, so low.
- That's just weird.
- I'll see what I can find out.
- Thanks.
- Hey.
- Hey Tracy.
- Where have you been?
- Dealing with family shit.
- Cool.
I hear you're getting a promotion.
- What?
- Well Clarissa got
fired while you were away
and who else is gonna
fill her size 11 shoes?
Good luck.
- I'm a seven and a half.
- Hey, I'm really exhausted.
Can you take over?
- I bet you are.
Hey Jake.
Never mind.
- Okay.
- When's the next one?
- I don't know.
- This is the perfect setup.
The guys bleed cash, and they're nice.
- I'll ask Jake.
- Seriously, like yesterday,
the guy I went home with
works in the Silicone Valley.
- The guy I went home
with is a computer genius
and he drives a Tesla.
- You didn't even know
what a Tesla was yesterday.
- Well he still drives one.
- Ladies, I'll have a talk with him
and I'll let you know what's next.
- Okay, bye.
- What are you doing here?
- I came to see Jake.
- Why?
- Because I wanted to.
- He's my partner and I don't want him
sleeping with the help.
- I'm not the help.
I'm the main attraction.
- Anyone but him.
- I don't need your permission.
Tell Jake I stopped by
and I'll get my panties later.
- You've been with us for three years
and your work's always been exceptional.
- Thank you.
- A growing company like
hours sometimes needs
to make changes to have
the best possible machine.
- Great.
- You may have heard we
let Clarissa go last week.
- No, I didn't.
- It's all part of a reshuffle
I believe is gonna make
the company stronger
and more efficient.
- It's great.
- So, we're gonna let you go as well.
- Excuse me?
- The tension's been
split the past few weeks.
I need a team that's all in.
- My dad died.
- We all face hardships.
I need a team that can
manage work-life balance.
- I'm sorry my dad's death didn't coincide
with your all in plan,
you fucking squirrel.
- Yo, no need for name-calling.
- Listen, you skinny dick fuck,
I was all in for three years
so your severance package better be epic
or I'm gonna go work for Global.
- No, no, no, you have
a non-compete clause.
- Yes, yes, yes, because that was here
before all that bullshit,
before your all in plan.
And Global will realize
that I'm a team player
as they destroy you.
So, Paul, I want a severance package
emailed to me before five p.m.
Or I'm gonna switch teams
and go all in balls deep!
- Where is everyone?
- No one for the last
two hours except Nadia.
- That is not good, Caroline's gonna shit.
- The flip side, just about
every girl from last night
has been by.
- With cash?
- Everyone except Ashley.
Said she was doing charity work.
- No she wasn't, she was here.
- Have fun?
- Yeah you know, she's a great girl
but she tried to outdrink me and lost.
- Jake, you can't be
sleeping with the girls.
- The only one sleeping was Ashley
and that was after she
threw up and passed out.
- That's all that happened?
- What are you, my mom?
- What, do you go down on your mom?
- Okay, I'm sensing some tension here.
- Did she leave her panties.
- Under the pillow.
She must have forgot them,
that's weird.
- I have to go.
See you at six.
- What's at six?
Are you mad at me?
- Fuck.
- Hey wait, wait.
Nadia, right?
- Jake, right?
- Yeah, listen.
There's a guy who's in
here a lot early mornings.
- The tall, good looking black guy?
- He's a tall guy, sure.
He wanted me to ask you if you're single.
- Why didn't he ask me?
- I think he was trying
to respect your space.
- Well tell him, if he
beats me in the game
he can ask me anything he wants.
- Okay.
And if he doesn't?
Cold blooded.
- Do you wanna start?
- I need to go, I'm sorry.
- I think everyone is in agreement
that last night was a huge success.
Not everyone continued with their dates
but that is the beauty of it.
Is there anyone who
doesn't want to make this
an ongoing thing?
Great, any questions?
- What if you pick the wrong guy
and you wanna switch?
- You'll have to figure
that out for yourselves.
That said, if there is any infighting,
or you're making any
client feel unwelcome,
you'll be cut from the events.
- What about the 20 percent cut?
How do we know that
everyone is being honest?
- The only one I wouldn't trust is you.
- Coming from you, I'm
like not even insulted.
- That is what I'm talking about.
Ladies, we have a unique
situation going on here.
You're not on some street
corner competing for tricks.
With that said, the house
will take a hundred dollars
if you decide to continue with your date.
The rest of it is yours.
- But that could be more than 20 percent.
- Yes, or it could be less.
Let's try it out for a week and see
how it works out.
- When's the next one?
- Thursday?
- Thursday, and then we'll
try Sunday and Wednesday.
If we need more, we'll add.
If not, we'll cut it back.
Who's in?
You sure you wanna get into this business?
- Sure.
Sure as I am of anything.
I'm sure you have me pictured as this guy
who has it all together, but,
I'm in new territory here.
- What's your concern?
- Well, we gotta tell my sister, right?
- I mean, yeah.
But let's make some serious money first,
she understands that.
- Yeah.
Show her every possible upside, you know
instead of that getting arrested part.
- What do you wanna see
happen with this place?
I think my dad would
think it's really cool
the way we're saving this place
and how we're doing it.
But if I was the one who came through,
you know, instead of Caroline,
it would show my family I'm not the loser
they think I am.
- Hey, no pity parties.
- Yeah.
What do you wanna see out of this?
- Not get evicted.
Have the first of the month
not be a curse of bills
but a new month of opportunity.
- Were you trying to make mine suck
because you made mine sound really lame.
- You're a good man, Jake.
I'm really glad you came into my life.
See you tonight, partner.
- Bye.
- I fucking hate kids.
- You know what
happened to me today?
- Your father used to be the leader
of a group called the Alamo Death Squad.
You heard of it?
- Go away!
You're such a dick!
- You'll have five minutes with each
of our lovely ladies tonight.
At the end of the speed round,
each lady will pick her
man as a pool partner
in our tournament.
The winner gets his entrance fee refunded.
Have a seat, guys.
- What does the number 69 mean to you?
- Easy, 70 plus two.
- She she had a pantsuit on.
Just smelled like cinnamon.
- Sometimes I dress up
in my mother's makeup.
- My pinkie doesn't straighten.
You're the first one I told.
- Thank you.
- So you pick
people with generic names?
- No more like I just say things like
girl, yeah baby you like that?
- Have you ever been setup on a date?
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
Yes she has, she has, yeah.
- No, absolutely not.
- Every time I go into a pool, I pee.
- Sex for breakfast, you get
it first thing in the morning,
you know, most important meal of the day.
- I've hooked up with this guy before.
- Would you date you?
- Um, no, no, too much baggage.
- Good to know.
- Yeah.
- Good to know.
- Mars.
- Mars, hot.
- We can make
it like a round trip.
- I'd love that.
- Love traveling the earth.
- I'm really into fingertips.
- Yeah, just the fingertips?
- Just the tip?
- Yeah just the tip.
Yeah exactly.
I mean the actual finger
is kind of ugly to me.
But the tips you can do so much with them.
- What's one thing
you would never eat
on a first date?
- We're all thinking it.
- What's up?
- Hey can I take off?
- Yeah no problem.
- Jake, don't grab low hanging fruit.
You deserve better.
- Fruit?
I don't even eat fruit.
What does that mean?
- See you tomorrow.
- Low fruit would be easier to grab.
I'm short.
- Jake, Jake, can I get a beer?
- Yeah.
- Can I have some money?
- I thought you left.
- I was trying to make you jealous.
- Me jealous, me?
- Why don't you say we
pick up where we left off?
- Okay.
- Who is it?
- It's Ashley.
- You want a drink?
- No.
I'm leaving, Jake.
- You just got here.
- No.
I'm leaving L.A.
- Why?
- Mostly because of you.
- I'm sorry.
- No, thank you.
You made me feel normal.
Like I had some self-worth.
And I haven't felt that in a long time.
- Where are you gonna go?
- Home.
Up to Washington State.
I'm gonna go see my mom,
take it day by day.
- Wow.
You know, I'm gonna miss you.
And not just because
of the sexy time thing.
- Me too.
See you, Jake.
- Hi.
Can I get you a drink?
- What do you got that's strong?
- Well we're a
wine and beer place only.
But I could get you a Red Bull.
- You're looking good.
- Thank you.
- Is Caroline here?
- She's in the back.
Do you want me to get her?
- Please.
- Hey Caroline.
There's some lady here to see you.
- What are you doing here?
- What?
No, hello mom?
- Mom?
- I ain't here for no family reunion.
And I don't expect you
to get all mushy like.
- Good.
What do you want?
- I heard my husband died.
I just came to get what's mine.
- He had a will and left you nothing.
Mainly because you disappeared while Jake
was still in diapers.
- I did you all a favor.
- Well, why don't you be the
gift that keeps on giving
and disappear for another 20 years?
- I wouldn't expect you
to understand, baby girl.
- Do you want the attorney's number?
Not necessary, it's a gray area.
One that I am willing to explore.
- The business is upside down.
The building has a lien on it by the IRS
and at this rate, we're gonna be shut down
within four months.
- Really?
- Really.
So, if you want to get your
saggy ass behind the bar
and help us out,
then please be my guest.
- Well, it sure was great seeing you both.
- You think we'll see her again?
- A hundred percent.
- So how did the reunion go?
- Little liars claim there's no money.
- But was it good to see them?
- I ain't buying it.
They're hiding something.
- Is it weird after all these years?
- I am gonna get my money, Eddie.
- Hello?
- Hey Jack, it's Caroline.
- How's the
revival of Barney's going?
- Unpredictable.
Our mother just showed up.
- Janice?
- Yeah, like a fricking vulture.
- That's not good.
- Listen Jack, I will kill her
before I give her anything.
- Okay well don't do that yet.
What did you tell her?
- I mean the truth, just that
the place is under water.
- Good, don't say anything else.
I need to do some research.
Give me a few days, okay?
- Hey jack?
- Yeah?
- She doesn't have a claim
to any of this, does she?
- Let me do my thing, all right?
- Okay, thanks.
Fuck.
- What did he say?
- He said to give him a few days.
I'm really sorry, Jake.
- For what?
- I shouldn't have let
my anger run her off.
You know I really should have asked
if you wanted to talk to her.
- I don't know that lady.
It's you and me, that's it.
- Things could get nasty.
- She doesn't know nasty.
I can get nasty.
- Really?
- Yes, like,
you know, like dishes in the bathtub
'cause the kitchen sink's
broken kind of nasty.
You know like it's August
and you're in Louisiana
and you wanna take a shower but you can't
'cause there's dishes in the bathtub,
that kind of nasty, you know.
Like walking in on your dad taking a shit
like an hour after Thanksgiving dinner
and he's like been backed up.
Like that kind of nasty.
Or like you know, maybe
that security guard
that you've had a crush on for a while
and there's an outhouse
and maybe, you know
you guys just lock eyes
and it gets real wet
and you know like balls deep nasty?
- That's what I said to my boss, Jake.
I literally said balls deep.
- Yeah, how'd you work that into quitting?
- Well you know, you're not the only one
who could get nasty.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
Like sweat, yeah.
Like sweaty and stuff.
- Nasty girl.
- Cool.
- Hey Jake.
- What's up, Vince?
- You seem to know a lot of pretty ladies,
all come in here bringing you cash.
Is this something I can get in on?
- Sure, yeah, you know.
It's um, it's a multilevel
marketing company
that specializes in
feminine hygiene products
so we're talking douches,
tampons, creams, you know,
antifungals you know,
'cause there is fungus.
This thing called a moon cup,
I don't know if you've heard of that.
But you know, pads, powders
to kind of clear things up.
It's mostly women so far
but we could use a guy
so I could set you up.
- I'm good.
- But I did speak with Nadia.
- What'd she say?
- She said she'll answer
any question you want
as long as you can beat
her in a game of pool.
- That's a bet.
- Good luck.
- Shh, I got it.
Hi.
Nadia.
I'm Vince.
Jake told me about a wager you proposed,
a little game for conversation.
- You think you can beat me?
- I'm gonna try.
- Rack them up.
- Okay.
- So the income has come.
That's stupid.
Caroline, the passive income
has become active income
and now here it is.
- Jake?
- Hey.
- Hey, we gotta talk.
- Yeah, I wanted to talk to you too,
but I need you to not freak out.
- Jake, I don't need this.
What did you do?
- I made a shitload of money.
- How, naked poetry?
- Well, the naked does sell.
- But I thought you said you couldn't find
girls to do it.
- Actually, Jessica
got the girls to do it.
- What the shit?
How much is here?
- I haven't counted it
yet, but it's a lot.
- This is insane, Jake.
My god.
Dude.
- Great.
- Wow!
- Yeah, wow.
- My god.
Well, what, what?
No I was trying to do like a,
but something like a brother sister,
like cool thing.
- That's good, let's do that.
- Okay, but like a, ha, right!
Is that cool, it's like a pah!
- Bah?
- Pah, Jake.
- Aaa!
- Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Wow.
It's a good job.
- Passive income.
Great.
Hi, we're 21 and over, so
can I see your fake ID please?
- I'm not here to drink.
- Well you have to be 21 to play
so just tell me you're 21 and it's cool.
- I'm looking for Barney.
He passed away a few months ago.
Did you know him?
- Never met him.
Thanks.
- Hey.
Hey wait, wait.
Wait up.
What did you want to ask him?
Maybe I can help.
- I don't think so.
I just found out last
week that he's my dad
and I just wanted to meet him.
- Wait, dad?
He's my dad.
So if he's your dad and my dad, then that,
you have a sister!
You gotta meet your sister.
Hey Caroline!
- What's up?
- Meet your little sister.
Our little sister.
Family.
What's her story?
- Who, Nadia?
- Yeah.
She's always playing by herself.
- I don't know, maybe that's her thing.
- Well, I'd like to be her thing.
- Go talk to her.
- No, I'm just gonna finish this.
- You always been an early drinker?
- Don't judge me.
- Hey, I mean the more
you drink the more I make.
Just saying you know, you're
in here a lot of mornings.
- I work nights so this is my after work.
- What do you do?
- Work at the airport on a fueling truck.
- Yeah, you like it?
- Yeah, it's straight.
I just do my thing.
- Wish there were more people in here
for you to hang out with.
- If you get a chance, would you please
find out what her deal is?-
- On the down low?
- So low.
- So, so, so low.
- That's just weird.
- I'll see what I can find out.
- Thanks.
- Hey.
- Hey Tracy.
- Where have you been?
- Dealing with family shit.
- Cool.
I hear you're getting a promotion.
- What?
- Well Clarissa got
fired while you were away
and who else is gonna
fill her size 11 shoes?
Good luck.
- I'm a seven and a half.
- Hey, I'm really exhausted.
Can you take over?
- I bet you are.
Hey Jake.
Never mind.
- Okay.
- When's the next one?
- I don't know.
- This is the perfect setup.
The guys bleed cash, and they're nice.
- I'll ask Jake.
- Seriously, like yesterday,
the guy I went home with
works in the Silicone Valley.
- The guy I went home
with is a computer genius
and he drives a Tesla.
- You didn't even know
what a Tesla was yesterday.
- Well he still drives one.
- Ladies, I'll have a talk with him
and I'll let you know what's next.
- Okay, bye.
- What are you doing here?
- I came to see Jake.
- Why?
- Because I wanted to.
- He's my partner and I don't want him
sleeping with the help.
- I'm not the help.
I'm the main attraction.
- Anyone but him.
- I don't need your permission.
Tell Jake I stopped by
and I'll get my panties later.
- You've been with us for three years
and your work's always been exceptional.
- Thank you.
- A growing company like
hours sometimes needs
to make changes to have
the best possible machine.
- Great.
- You may have heard we
let Clarissa go last week.
- No, I didn't.
- It's all part of a reshuffle
I believe is gonna make
the company stronger
and more efficient.
- It's great.
- So, we're gonna let you go as well.
- Excuse me?
- The tension's been
split the past few weeks.
I need a team that's all in.
- My dad died.
- We all face hardships.
I need a team that can
manage work-life balance.
- I'm sorry my dad's death didn't coincide
with your all in plan,
you fucking squirrel.
- Yo, no need for name-calling.
- Listen, you skinny dick fuck,
I was all in for three years
so your severance package better be epic
or I'm gonna go work for Global.
- No, no, no, you have
a non-compete clause.
- Yes, yes, yes, because that was here
before all that bullshit,
before your all in plan.
And Global will realize
that I'm a team player
as they destroy you.
So, Paul, I want a severance package
emailed to me before five p.m.
Or I'm gonna switch teams
and go all in balls deep!
- Where is everyone?
- No one for the last
two hours except Nadia.
- That is not good, Caroline's gonna shit.
- The flip side, just about
every girl from last night
has been by.
- With cash?
- Everyone except Ashley.
Said she was doing charity work.
- No she wasn't, she was here.
- Have fun?
- Yeah you know, she's a great girl
but she tried to outdrink me and lost.
- Jake, you can't be
sleeping with the girls.
- The only one sleeping was Ashley
and that was after she
threw up and passed out.
- That's all that happened?
- What are you, my mom?
- What, do you go down on your mom?
- Okay, I'm sensing some tension here.
- Did she leave her panties.
- Under the pillow.
She must have forgot them,
that's weird.
- I have to go.
See you at six.
- What's at six?
Are you mad at me?
- Fuck.
- Hey wait, wait.
Nadia, right?
- Jake, right?
- Yeah, listen.
There's a guy who's in
here a lot early mornings.
- The tall, good looking black guy?
- He's a tall guy, sure.
He wanted me to ask you if you're single.
- Why didn't he ask me?
- I think he was trying
to respect your space.
- Well tell him, if he
beats me in the game
he can ask me anything he wants.
- Okay.
And if he doesn't?
Cold blooded.
- Do you wanna start?
- I need to go, I'm sorry.
- I think everyone is in agreement
that last night was a huge success.
Not everyone continued with their dates
but that is the beauty of it.
Is there anyone who
doesn't want to make this
an ongoing thing?
Great, any questions?
- What if you pick the wrong guy
and you wanna switch?
- You'll have to figure
that out for yourselves.
That said, if there is any infighting,
or you're making any
client feel unwelcome,
you'll be cut from the events.
- What about the 20 percent cut?
How do we know that
everyone is being honest?
- The only one I wouldn't trust is you.
- Coming from you, I'm
like not even insulted.
- That is what I'm talking about.
Ladies, we have a unique
situation going on here.
You're not on some street
corner competing for tricks.
With that said, the house
will take a hundred dollars
if you decide to continue with your date.
The rest of it is yours.
- But that could be more than 20 percent.
- Yes, or it could be less.
Let's try it out for a week and see
how it works out.
- When's the next one?
- Thursday?
- Thursday, and then we'll
try Sunday and Wednesday.
If we need more, we'll add.
If not, we'll cut it back.
Who's in?
You sure you wanna get into this business?
- Sure.
Sure as I am of anything.
I'm sure you have me pictured as this guy
who has it all together, but,
I'm in new territory here.
- What's your concern?
- Well, we gotta tell my sister, right?
- I mean, yeah.
But let's make some serious money first,
she understands that.
- Yeah.
Show her every possible upside, you know
instead of that getting arrested part.
- What do you wanna see
happen with this place?
I think my dad would
think it's really cool
the way we're saving this place
and how we're doing it.
But if I was the one who came through,
you know, instead of Caroline,
it would show my family I'm not the loser
they think I am.
- Hey, no pity parties.
- Yeah.
What do you wanna see out of this?
- Not get evicted.
Have the first of the month
not be a curse of bills
but a new month of opportunity.
- Were you trying to make mine suck
because you made mine sound really lame.
- You're a good man, Jake.
I'm really glad you came into my life.
See you tonight, partner.
- Bye.
- I fucking hate kids.
- You know what
happened to me today?
- Your father used to be the leader
of a group called the Alamo Death Squad.
You heard of it?
- Go away!
You're such a dick!
- You'll have five minutes with each
of our lovely ladies tonight.
At the end of the speed round,
each lady will pick her
man as a pool partner
in our tournament.
The winner gets his entrance fee refunded.
Have a seat, guys.
- What does the number 69 mean to you?
- Easy, 70 plus two.
- She she had a pantsuit on.
Just smelled like cinnamon.
- Sometimes I dress up
in my mother's makeup.
- My pinkie doesn't straighten.
You're the first one I told.
- Thank you.
- So you pick
people with generic names?
- No more like I just say things like
girl, yeah baby you like that?
- Have you ever been setup on a date?
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
Yes she has, she has, yeah.
- No, absolutely not.
- Every time I go into a pool, I pee.
- Sex for breakfast, you get
it first thing in the morning,
you know, most important meal of the day.
- I've hooked up with this guy before.
- Would you date you?
- Um, no, no, too much baggage.
- Good to know.
- Yeah.
- Good to know.
- Mars.
- Mars, hot.
- We can make
it like a round trip.
- I'd love that.
- Love traveling the earth.
- I'm really into fingertips.
- Yeah, just the fingertips?
- Just the tip?
- Yeah just the tip.
Yeah exactly.
I mean the actual finger
is kind of ugly to me.
But the tips you can do so much with them.
- What's one thing
you would never eat
on a first date?
- We're all thinking it.
- What's up?
- Hey can I take off?
- Yeah no problem.
- Jake, don't grab low hanging fruit.
You deserve better.
- Fruit?
I don't even eat fruit.
What does that mean?
- See you tomorrow.
- Low fruit would be easier to grab.
I'm short.
- Jake, Jake, can I get a beer?
- Yeah.
- Can I have some money?
- I thought you left.
- I was trying to make you jealous.
- Me jealous, me?
- Why don't you say we
pick up where we left off?
- Okay.
- Who is it?
- It's Ashley.
- You want a drink?
- No.
I'm leaving, Jake.
- You just got here.
- No.
I'm leaving L.A.
- Why?
- Mostly because of you.
- I'm sorry.
- No, thank you.
You made me feel normal.
Like I had some self-worth.
And I haven't felt that in a long time.
- Where are you gonna go?
- Home.
Up to Washington State.
I'm gonna go see my mom,
take it day by day.
- Wow.
You know, I'm gonna miss you.
And not just because
of the sexy time thing.
- Me too.
See you, Jake.
- Hi.
Can I get you a drink?
- What do you got that's strong?
- Well we're a
wine and beer place only.
But I could get you a Red Bull.
- You're looking good.
- Thank you.
- Is Caroline here?
- She's in the back.
Do you want me to get her?
- Please.
- Hey Caroline.
There's some lady here to see you.
- What are you doing here?
- What?
No, hello mom?
- Mom?
- I ain't here for no family reunion.
And I don't expect you
to get all mushy like.
- Good.
What do you want?
- I heard my husband died.
I just came to get what's mine.
- He had a will and left you nothing.
Mainly because you disappeared while Jake
was still in diapers.
- I did you all a favor.
- Well, why don't you be the
gift that keeps on giving
and disappear for another 20 years?
- I wouldn't expect you
to understand, baby girl.
- Do you want the attorney's number?
Not necessary, it's a gray area.
One that I am willing to explore.
- The business is upside down.
The building has a lien on it by the IRS
and at this rate, we're gonna be shut down
within four months.
- Really?
- Really.
So, if you want to get your
saggy ass behind the bar
and help us out,
then please be my guest.
- Well, it sure was great seeing you both.
- You think we'll see her again?
- A hundred percent.
- So how did the reunion go?
- Little liars claim there's no money.
- But was it good to see them?
- I ain't buying it.
They're hiding something.
- Is it weird after all these years?
- I am gonna get my money, Eddie.
- Hello?
- Hey Jack, it's Caroline.
- How's the
revival of Barney's going?
- Unpredictable.
Our mother just showed up.
- Janice?
- Yeah, like a fricking vulture.
- That's not good.
- Listen Jack, I will kill her
before I give her anything.
- Okay well don't do that yet.
What did you tell her?
- I mean the truth, just that
the place is under water.
- Good, don't say anything else.
I need to do some research.
Give me a few days, okay?
- Hey jack?
- Yeah?
- She doesn't have a claim
to any of this, does she?
- Let me do my thing, all right?
- Okay, thanks.
Fuck.
- What did he say?
- He said to give him a few days.
I'm really sorry, Jake.
- For what?
- I shouldn't have let
my anger run her off.
You know I really should have asked
if you wanted to talk to her.
- I don't know that lady.
It's you and me, that's it.
- Things could get nasty.
- She doesn't know nasty.
I can get nasty.
- Really?
- Yes, like,
you know, like dishes in the bathtub
'cause the kitchen sink's
broken kind of nasty.
You know like it's August
and you're in Louisiana
and you wanna take a shower but you can't
'cause there's dishes in the bathtub,
that kind of nasty, you know.
Like walking in on your dad taking a shit
like an hour after Thanksgiving dinner
and he's like been backed up.
Like that kind of nasty.
Or like you know, maybe
that security guard
that you've had a crush on for a while
and there's an outhouse
and maybe, you know
you guys just lock eyes
and it gets real wet
and you know like balls deep nasty?
- That's what I said to my boss, Jake.
I literally said balls deep.
- Yeah, how'd you work that into quitting?
- Well you know, you're not the only one
who could get nasty.
- Nice.
- Yeah.
Like sweat, yeah.
Like sweaty and stuff.
- Nasty girl.
- Cool.
- Hey Jake.
- What's up, Vince?
- You seem to know a lot of pretty ladies,
all come in here bringing you cash.
Is this something I can get in on?
- Sure, yeah, you know.
It's um, it's a multilevel
marketing company
that specializes in
feminine hygiene products
so we're talking douches,
tampons, creams, you know,
antifungals you know,
'cause there is fungus.
This thing called a moon cup,
I don't know if you've heard of that.
But you know, pads, powders
to kind of clear things up.
It's mostly women so far
but we could use a guy
so I could set you up.
- I'm good.
- But I did speak with Nadia.
- What'd she say?
- She said she'll answer
any question you want
as long as you can beat
her in a game of pool.
- That's a bet.
- Good luck.
- Shh, I got it.
Hi.
Nadia.
I'm Vince.
Jake told me about a wager you proposed,
a little game for conversation.
- You think you can beat me?
- I'm gonna try.
- Rack them up.
- Okay.
- So the income has come.
That's stupid.
Caroline, the passive income
has become active income
and now here it is.
- Jake?
- Hey.
- Hey, we gotta talk.
- Yeah, I wanted to talk to you too,
but I need you to not freak out.
- Jake, I don't need this.
What did you do?
- I made a shitload of money.
- How, naked poetry?
- Well, the naked does sell.
- But I thought you said you couldn't find
girls to do it.
- Actually, Jessica
got the girls to do it.
- What the shit?
How much is here?
- I haven't counted it
yet, but it's a lot.
- This is insane, Jake.
My god.
Dude.
- Great.
- Wow!
- Yeah, wow.
- My god.
Well, what, what?
No I was trying to do like a,
but something like a brother sister,
like cool thing.
- That's good, let's do that.
- Okay, but like a, ha, right!
Is that cool, it's like a pah!
- Bah?
- Pah, Jake.
- Aaa!
- Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Wow.
It's a good job.
- Passive income.
Great.
Hi, we're 21 and over, so
can I see your fake ID please?
- I'm not here to drink.
- Well you have to be 21 to play
so just tell me you're 21 and it's cool.
- I'm looking for Barney.
He passed away a few months ago.
Did you know him?
- Never met him.
Thanks.
- Hey.
Hey wait, wait.
Wait up.
What did you want to ask him?
Maybe I can help.
- I don't think so.
I just found out last
week that he's my dad
and I just wanted to meet him.
- Wait, dad?
He's my dad.
So if he's your dad and my dad, then that,
you have a sister!
You gotta meet your sister.
Hey Caroline!
- What's up?
- Meet your little sister.
Our little sister.
Family.