Big Time Rush (2009–2013): Season 1, Episode 7 - Big Time Photo Shoot - full transcript

Cool, you got your picture
in pop tiger magazine,

But what happened?

You guys look terrible.

What happened?

That picture happened!

[all moaning]

Camille, get ready for a
twisted tale of adventure,

danger,

and nail-biting suspense.

[spits]

Hey, my tooth came out.



No, wait. That's mine.

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪

♪ Make it count, play it straight ♪

♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪

♪ where you go big time ♪

♪ what you know, what you feel ♪

♪ never quitin', make it real ♪

♪ when you're going big time ♪

♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪

♪ hey, hey don't you feel the rush ♪

- # oh-oh, oh-oh #
- # hey, hey #

♪ go and shake it up ♪

♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪



♪ go and make your luck ♪

♪ with the life you choose ♪

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got
so you got to live it ♪

♪ big time ♪

So we were enjoying
a calm afternoon in the crib.

Whoo!

[all grunting]

Whoo!

[all yelling]

[air horn blaring]

Get your helmets off and your smiles on.

Gustavo pulled some strings,
and if we hurry,

you can make the next pop tiger hot-new-star
pinup fold-out special spring poster issue.

Kelly, in English, please?

It's picture day! Move it!

- [air horn blaring]
- [all cheering]

I can't believe we're gonna be in pop tiger.

I know, it's totally awesome!

What's a pop tiger?

Only the most popular
teen magazine in the world.

Is that Katie's?
Please tell me it's Katie's.

Hey, this magazine has
great articles for guys too,

like, "OMG, I IM'd the wrong BFF."

"what one thing would hottie hunk Dak Zevon

bring to a desert island?"

I got to say, I'm curious.

- His dog snowball!
- What?

What an idiot.

Everyone knows you
bring a roller coaster!

You don't bring a roller coaster.

You bring a flare gun
to signal passing ships.

Oh, what, you don't think
people are gonna see

my extreme looping coconut coaster?

Your island is stupid.

Your island is boring!

- You're boring.
- No, you're boring!

- You're boring.
- You're boring.

[both yelling at once]

[air horn blaring]

Break it up.
You need to stay pretty.

This picture could end up on
the walls of millions of girls.

All: Did you say "millions of girls"?

[all screaming]

False alarm. It's not him!

[all moaning]

Somebody just spotted him at the front gate!

[all screaming]

Whoa, what was that?

That was a pack of screaming
fan girls looking for Dak Zevon.

He's in the studio recording vocals
for varsity vampire 2: Game on.

[funky electronic music]

♪ take it to the hoop every chance we get, ♪

♪ 'cause when the sun goes down, ♪

♪ we're creatures of the net. ♪

[air hissing]

Just one great picture in pop tiger

and those girls will be screaming
for big time rush.

[all yelling at once]

Mom and Katie.

Hey, what are you guys doing here?

What, I can't just come down
to see my Big Brother, who I love?

Oh.

Here to see Dak Zevon?

I just want him to autograph
this picture for my wall.

Really?

I didn't think you were into that stuff.

I'm a preteen girl.
He's a cute pop star.

I'm not made of stone, you know.

Oh, yeah. Let me take a look at that.

[in a high-pitched voice]
look, I'm Dak Zevon.

And I love you, Katie knight.

[all screaming]

That's not him.

[all screaming]

Now, where's Dak recording?

Sorry. I'm not allowed to say.

Oh, look into those eyes and say that.

Studio "b," down the hall to the right.
Just stop with the eyes.

Girls... many girls in the...

ouchies.

[thumping dance music]

[all yelling at once]

[camera shutter clicking]

This is so not like school picture day.

Oh! [laughs]

Are you ready to rock my camera?

All: What?

I said, are you guys ready to rock my...

Hold on a minute!

[music stops]

That's better! So how
are you guys doing?

[all speaking at once]

Boys, this is Marcos del Posey,

the best teen idol
photographer on the planet.

Some say photographer.

Some say magician.

Mira. One camera.

[camera shutter clicking]

[grunting]

Now, oh, two camera!

[grunting]

Okay, here's what I'm thinking:

shirts open, hair blowing, with...

the stuffy puppy.

[all scream]

- No.
- What?

Marcos invented the stuffy puppy shot.

Yeah, no!

What I want is a simple shot
of the four best friends

just chilling and being themselves.

I totally agree.

I totally don't care.

Now get on the backdrop
and look handsome.

Come on, take it over.

I changed my mind about the island.

I'm gonna bring a fridge
packed with ice cream.

Where are you gonna get
the electricity, genius?

Electric eels, duh.

[both yelling at once]

[air horn blaring]

Dogs, heel!

We need a great picture

before the pop tiger messenger
gets here in two hours.

Now look into the camera and
think about something funny.

You mean like that?

[all laughing]

Take the picture.

Take the picture now,
before something goes wrong!

What could go wrong?

I am Marcos.

Oh, you don't know these boys,
so snap the picture now.

- Freeze!
- Oh, so close.

Gustavo Rocque, you failed to report
to your court-ordered community service.

Officers, I don't know
what you're talking about.

I'm talking about destroying
Matthew McConaughey's mailbox with...

- her.
- He made me be the lookout.

Hey, I'm the victim here.

He plays the bongos
till 3:00 in the morning!

- Let's go.
- Ow!

Drama.

[grunts]

[pulsing dance music]

Let me go. Come on.

Get your hands off me.

Gustavo.

I see the photo shoot's going well.

Griffin, perfect!

Look, we're in a bit of a jam here.

Tell them to take their hands off me
so I can take that picture.

Don't worry.
I'll take care of everything.

Ha, you heard the fourth
most powerful CEO in America.

♪♪♪

Oh, I didn't mean unhand you.

I meant I'd take care
of the photo shoot.

I'm very creative.

[both speaking at once]

Great news, everyone.
I'm in charge.

Now, let's get my big-time boys
on the walls ff teen girls everywhere.

[all cheering]

All I have to do is push this button and...

Wait.

This isn't bad, but...

Change everything.

We need something bolder,
something nobody's ever seen before.

[screams]

Space matadors.

I love it.

He's right.

All: No one's ever seen this before.

[girls screaming]

Mr. Zevon is not accepting visitors.

Get out!

[all moaning]

And stay out.

You guys handled that very well.

Now, if you'll excuse us,
we're here to see Mr. Zevon.

Forget it, lady. Move along.

Yeah, move along, lady.

If you'll excuse me, boys, I
just need to get through here.

Forget it.

Look, she just wants an autograph.

And look into these
eyes and try to say "no."

Both: No.

Man, you guys are good.

The best.

Both: Now, beat it!

We're getting that autograph, right?

Oh, yeah.

Ugh, I can't believe I helped
you vandalize private property.

I can't believe somebody threw away
these perfectly good joke teeth.

Um, those aren't joke teeth.

Gimme those!

We have to get out of here now.

Griffin may be a genius when
it comes to corporate takeovers,

but he's got the creative
pop sensibility of a walnut.

You set up a nice, perfect, simple shot.

How bad could he mess it up?

This is really messed up.

Okay.

Our first picture, and it's going to
brand us forever as space matadors!

This is not going to impress
millions of girls.

I would say six or seven Max.

Smile pretty, pretty.

Wait.

[all sigh]

The teen girl inside me
says something's missing.

All: Yeah.

Marcos knows what it is.

- All: Kendall.
- Don't panic.

In three seconds, Gustavo
will barge through that door

and fix everything, like he always does.

One...

Two...

Giant stuffy puppies for everyone.

That's not Gustavo.

[laughs]

One, two, three. Beautiful.

Okay.

Perfect.

The photo is now bold
and cute and cuddly.

Let's shoot it.

Smile pretty, pretty.

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪

Okay.

Now we panic.

Okay, I get it.

You guys didn't want to look like space
matadors, but then what happened?

Top teen photographer Marcos

was about to take the picture when...

Wait!

We can't take this photo.

- Why not?
- Because it's not finished.

I mean, sure, it's bold and...

And cute and cuddly, but we don't have...

A snowmobile.

- What?
- A what?

Sure.

With a snowmobile, you're
bold, cuddly, and dangerous.

It's the pop pinup hat trick.

The space matadors are right.

Get me a snowmobile.

Everybody take five for a snowmobile break.

[all cheer]

We cannot let Griffin take this photo.

By the way, kudos on
the snowmobile idea.

Which is why I'm taking one
with me on my desert island.

A desert island has
a tropical climate, professor.

Will you just let me have fun
on my desert island?

It's mine.

Well, I'm taking my lucky comb.

But you're alone.

No one's gonna see your hair.

Hey, I'm there.

Focus.

All: Right.

We need to figure out a way
to change this photo.

Yes, from cuddly space matadors to...

Something like this.

There he is!

[all screaming]

It's not him.

[all screaming]

Let's put this photo away before
somebody gets killed, shall we?

Right. Now, where's Gustavo, 'cause
he should be saving our photo!

Gustavo's not coming back,

which means we have
to do this on our own.

Ouchies.

Is my head on backwards?

No.

And we're in charge now.

What do we do?

We're gonna take a secret photo

and give that to the pop tiger
messenger when he gets here.

James, you're in charge of wardrobe.

We need cooler clothes.
No offense to matadors.

Logan, we need to get
this room super bright

like Marcos' lights.

And Carlos, you're gonna
break down any door,

that stands in our way.

Great, but we still need a camera
and a white backdrop.

No, we just need a camera.

[Beep!]

And when are we going to do all this?

We've got plenty of time.

You know how long it's going to take Griffin
to find a snowmobile in L.A.?

[engine revving]

[all scream]

Look what daddy found.

Now let's go take that picture.

[engine revving]

We need to get back to the studio.

There is no way the dogs can
handle Griffin without me.

Yeah, but how are we gonna get out of here?

Here's the plan.

Kelly, you start by tying together

all the garbage bags to fashion
a crude zip line.

Gums, you and I will make decoy dummies

of discarded newspapers
and empty soda cans.

And corrections officer,

you stand guard while the
corrections officer does...

[moans]

New plan, run.

This way to freedom, gums!

Go on! I'll hold 'em off!

We'll never forget you, gums!

[adopts French accent]
Lunch delivery for Mr. Zevon.

Is that the sweet salmon
with potatoes and tarragon?

Uh, yes.

That's not what he ordered.

[laughs]

Hey, fellas. Good to see you again.

I told you this wasn't gonna work.

You know, I think we're all
gonna laugh about this someday.

[knuckles cracking]

[screaming]

[Crash!]

Ugh, you will get that
Dak Zevon autograph today!

Ooh, I love it when you get
that mad, crazy look in your eye.

[growls]

My inner teen girl is so putting
this picture on her wall.

My inner teen girl says we need...

One more stuffy puppy.

Your inner teen girl is wrong.

Now shoot it.

- Wait!
- [groans]

We need more fog.

He's right. We need more fog.

- We're on it.
- More fog coming.

Come on, you guys. Fog it up.

[all yelling at once]

That might have been too much fog.

[all coughing]

All right, everyone.
Fog break. Five minutes.

- See you later.
- Yeah, I agree.

We'll see you later.

Secret photo time.

- Nice!
- Let's go! Let's go!

Stand back, mi amigos.

[screams]

[Crash!]

That was fun.

Enter my domain, boys.

Looking good. It's what I do.

What about the pants?

We'll shoot it from the waist up.

Move out!

Pop tiger and the walls
of girls everywhere,

Here we come.

[camera beeping]

[beeping slowing]

- Battery dead?
- Yep.

[knocking at door]

Hey, fellas.

The fog is gone.

Let's take that picture.

[all talking at once]

[phone beeping]

Do you really think a screaming
teen flash mob is a good idea?

Those security guards
were mean to my little girl,

and you will get that autograph.

[girls screaming]

Ladies!

Are you tired of being told
you can't meet your cute teen idol?

All: Yeah!

Are you ready to show
those security guards

the collective power of
screaming teenage girls?

All: Yeah!

Are you ready for a Dak attack?

[all screaming]

Or we could go home and let Dak live,

'cause, mom, I think
you've kind of lost it.

Let's get him!

[all screaming]

Yep, she's definitely lost it.

♪ Take it to the hoop every chance we get, ♪

♪ 'cause when the sun goes down, ♪

♪ we're creatures of the net. ♪

[girls screaming]

Get ready. Here they come again.

Stupid, screaming teens.

Been a pleasure serving with you.

Get him!

[all screaming]

- Hi, I'm Katie.
- I'm Dak?

[all screaming]

Come with me if you want to live.

Thanks.

[all screaming]

He's not in here.

Find Dak!

[all screaming]

All right, the pop tiger
messenger is on his way.

Now, let's take this picture.

- All: Wait!
- No more waiting!

Gentlemen.

Now, smile pretty, pretty.

Well, maybe girls will like
space matadors

on a star-mobile
holding stuffy puppies.

Both: They won't.

Well, this'll never work.

I've been hit.

Hey, look, it's Dak Zevon!

There he is!

[all screaming]

[camera shutter clicking]

[all screaming]

I can't believe that actually worked.

[all screaming]

Dogs, what is going on here?

Oh, we're saving our photo from Griffin.

[horn honking]

I'm here to pick up a photo card
for pop tiger magazine.

All: Coming right up.

Hey.

Ah.

Shoot it from the waist up.

Smile pretty, pretty.

All: Take the picture!

[camera shutter clicks]

[all moaning]

Huh.

Get to the part where you get your butts
kicked and put meat on your faces.

We're getting to that.

[all sigh]

- Here you go.
- See you in pop tiger, boys.

All: Yes!

[engine revving]

I don't know what happened here today,

but maybe we should leave
the dogs alone more often.

Hey, guys, look who I found today.

I think she just saved my life.

That's Dak Zevon!

[all screaming]

Huh, who knew such a simple picture
could bring you so close to death?

But it was totally worth it.

'cause we're going to be
on the walls of millions of girls.

All over the country.

Of course you are.

'cause Dak Zevon is on the other side.

All: What?

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪

All: # Any kind of guy you want, girl, #

- # that's the kind I'll be. #
- # that's the kind I'll be. #

♪ Turn myself upside down. ♪

♪ Yes, I will. Yes, I will. ♪

- All: # any kind of guy you want, girl #
- # You know I'll agree, #

♪ turn your whole world around. ♪

♪ Yes, I will. Yes, I will. ♪

All: # Any kind, any kind,
any kind of guy you want. #

♪ If you decide to change your mind, ♪

♪ I will be there. ♪

♪♪♪