Big Time Rush (2009–2013): Season 1, Episode 16 - Big Time Fever - full transcript
- So hot!
- It's hot!
So hot! So hot!
***
Oh.
It's 95 degrees out.
Why is bitters the only one in the pool?
Hey, guys, check out the sign.
"Adult swim. No kids allowed."
That's just plain rude.
No, no, no, no, no.
You guys are reading it wrong.
It says, "adult swim?
No, kids allowed!"
- You guys are great.
- I know.
No, I mean it.
I mean, a few months in Hollywood
usually changes people,
but you're still the same down-to-earth
guys you were when you got here.
Hey, guys.
Another tan-tastic day in Hollywood.
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ make it count, play it straight ♪
♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪
♪ when you go big time ♪
♪ what you know, what you feel ♪
♪ never quitin', make it real ♪
♪ when you're going big time ♪
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪
♪ hey, hey don't you feel the rush ♪
- # oh-oh, oh-oh #
- # hey, hey #
♪ go and shake it up ♪
♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪
♪ go and make your luck ♪
♪ with the life you choose ♪
♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪
♪ it's the only life you got
so you got to live it ♪
♪ big time ♪
Does he know he looks like a yam?
Looks like I spoke too soon.
James has Hollywood fever.
Oh, no.
I told him not to buy clams
from that guy on the freeway.
No, this town is starting to change him,
and the heat is clearly making it worse.
Not possible.
Look, we made a pact when we got
here to stay true to ourselves.
Yeah, look at him.
You have to shut this
down before it snowballs,
like it did with guitar dude.
What's up?
When he first moved here,
he was a concert cellist.
♪ what is up ♪
♪ what is up ♪
♪ what is up ♪
Oh, yeah, and when the
Jennifers moved here,
they walked in normal motion.
Hollywood fever.
So that explains all
your weird behavior.
What weird behavior?
Hollywood fever.
I'll cure his Hollywood fever.
James, you're orange,
and you look like a freak.
Actually,
I'm mangerine,
as in mangerine action tan by cuda.
In Hollywood, if you can't
tan with the big boys,
don't even bother showing up at all.
I don't even know how
to respond to that.
Yeah, James, we all
agreed that we wouldn't
let this town change us.
Hey, I'm still me...
Just better.
James, give us the spray now!
Action tan activate!
Get him.
Oh look, it's devil boy's sister.
- What's all this?
- A snow cone stand.
This heat wave's my chance
to take over this town.
You're going to take over
this town with colored ice?
No.
First I reinvest my profits into
the booming agribusiness sector,
corner the market in soy
futures to make a cool 100 mil,
then combine cash and stock options
to purchase a major movie studio,
then take over this town.
Aren't you a wittle tycoon?
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
♪ stuck, stuck ♪
♪ and I'm never giving ♪
♪ up, up ♪
♪ in the middle of a perfect day ♪
♪ I'm tripping over words to say ♪
♪ 'cause I don't want to keep you guessing ♪
♪ but I always end up getting ♪
- # stuck, stuck #
- Cut! Cut!
Will somebody please tell me
why James is orange?
Actually, I'm mangerine.
Boys, can I see you out here
for just a quick minute?
Something wrong, boss?
James, in this business,
image is everything,
and the image I'm going
for is not three normal boys
and a tangerine freak.
So what you're saying is that
the other three guys are too pale.
- I can fix it.
- No!
We think he might have Hollywood fever.
You, don't panic.
You, stop being orange!
No! No! My mangerine!
Just give it to me.
- Mine!
- Give it to me!
Ha!
Ha-ha!
Well, that didn't work.
Let's try this.
Fix your friend, or I will fire him
and replace him with
someone that is not orange!
He's not in the bathroom.
He's not in the swirly slide.
But look, I found an empty
bottle of mangerine action tan.
According to the label, this
stuff dissolves with water.
You thinking what I'm thinking?
I was thinking we get snow
cones to beat the heat,
but this works too.
And should break the fever...
Quite nicely.
Carlitos, you scope the
pool for orange James.
Logan-ator, you hit Palmwoods park.
And I'll stake out the lobby.
Move out.
Tyler.
Have you seen orange James?
No, but here come the Jennifers.
Oh, who are we kidding?
This just isn't working.
Hey, where's the other Jennifer?
She took a soap opera job in Iceland because
the heat was making her hair lifeless.
And now, with just two of us,
our pool entrances lack
flair and intimidation.
It's like a piece of us is missing.
The middle piece.
Okay. There, there.
It's gonna be okay.
Hey, you know something?
You're the same height
as the old Jennifer.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Who wants a snow cone?
Okay, move it. Come on, shoo.
Get out of the way.
What's the big idea?
Your rental contract
specifically prohibits you
from operating a food stand
on Palmwoods property.
Oh, please. Just tell me what you want.
Fine, I want 50% of all
future shaved ice profits
and a three-picture deal once
you buy your movie studio.
Never gonna happen.
Fine. Boys, take it away.
Have a Palmwoods day.
Oh.
You know, Katie, if I learned
one thing in business school,
it's that you can get out
of any contract.
You went to business school?
Does a t-Bond's value move in the
opposite direction of its yield?
Dude, I'm ten.
All I know is that bitters
just jacked my blender.
Mmm. I can get you a blender.
In fact, I can get you
the ice grinder z-5000.
- What's that?
- My wood chipper.
On hot days, I fill it full of ice
and then turn it on myself
and pretend I'm skiing.
James!
I can't believe I missed.
Looks like you guys beat the heat.
Ugh.
Guitar dude.
James has Hollywood fever
and is addicted to tanning.
Have you seen him?
Have you seen yourself?
I mean, I know it's hot out,
but you need to chill out.
No, you don't understand.
James looks looks really stupid.
Well, hey, man, if tanning's
his thing, well, that's cool.
Let James be James.
♪ let James be James ♪
grab a bongo, dude.
Look, I don't have time
to play with bongos.
Hey, man, you can rush around
trying to find someone
that doesn't want to be found,
or you can find Logan.
Find Logan.
How does that feel?
It feels good.
♪ let James be James ♪
♪ don't play those games ♪
♪ let James be James ♪
♪ let James be James ♪
I don't know, guys.
I mean... I'm not sure I'm
ready to be a Jennifer.
I mean... I'm nice.
Right, as in people walk all over you.
When was the last time you
sang lead in one of your songs?
Well, never, but...
And what about your
dressing room at your studio?
You do have your own, right?
Well, we keep our stuff in a duffel bag.
Look, Hollywood is like a fish tank,
and you're either a minnow or a piranha.
Carlos, a little help here!
Keep talking.
The only people who make it in this town
are the ones who are mean,
selfish, and in it to win it.
Carlos!
I don't want to be a minnow.
I want to be a piranha.
No, wait, I want to be a tiger shark.
Sure. Whatever.
Sorry, James,
but you've got the fever.
And I've got the cure.
Unbelievable!
What's the matter, Kendall?
You're looking a little pale.
Tanning powers go!
No! No! James, the tanning!
Kendall, I trust you've
solved our little problem.
Now get back to the studio.
We've got work to do.
Oh, you have no idea.
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ stuck, stuck ♪
♪ but I'm never giving ♪
♪ up, up ♪
♪ in the middle of a perfect day ♪
♪ I'm tripping over words to say ♪
Kendall, can I talk to you for a minute?
Just a quick minute.
All right.
- What is going on?
- I don't know.
Carlos, Logan, and I were
trying to wash off orange James,
and then things just kind of snowballed.
Well, you are kind of
the leader of this band,
so kind of fix it!
Sorry, I couldn't stop them.
Yo, Gustav, I want a solo
on the next album we record.
And his new name is Jennifer.
Okay, maybe not that,
but the band's new name
is Carlos and the rush.
Well, you and your princess posse
can take this and...
Everybody chill it out
and hop aboard the Logan
train... whoo-whoo...
To mellow-ville.
Bink.
Chill.
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I brought enough
mangerine spray for everybody?
They've got the fever, and it's bad.
And this heat is only
making their symptoms worse.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You guys know about Hollywood fever?
It's broken up nearly
every one of my bands.
It starts with tanning or bongos.
Before you know it, they
quit to start movie careers
or they move to Canada
to live among the moose.
Boyquake.
We have got to snap them out
of this before it is permanent.
We must divide and conquer.
Kendall, you take bongo boy
and drum some sense into him.
Kelly, find Carlos and remind
him that he's not a Jennifer!
And I am getting a shrink for James.
No. No. No. Get.
I thought I told you
you couldn't sell food
on Palmwoods property.
I'm not on Palmwoods property.
She's above it. Ooh.
Well played, my friend. Well played.
But mark my words: I'll
destroy you and this stand.
I'll give you 100 bucks
for the whole operation.
500, and I keep the franchise rights.
Forget it, but remember this:
I will destroy you.
Oh, is that blue raspberry?
Tyler, all you have to do
is tap into the old
Logan's love of math.
Then he trades in his bongo
rhythms for logarithms.
And bingo, no more Hollywood fever.
Hey, what's the haps, little dude?
Logan, I'm confused.
If I had five apples and I
gave two to my friend Cindy,
how many would I have left?
It doesn't matter, dude.
You still have some apples, right?
And Cindy, she has some apples too.
You know, he's got a point.
But darn it!
James's need to cover
himself with tanning spray
is an attempt to counter
his feelings of estrangement
brought on by his new and
intense Hollywood environment.
Yeah, no.
He's nuts...
And orange.
Don't worry.
I've cured many stars
of Hollywood fever.
Before he came to me,
Taylor Lautner refused to leave
his house without his sock monkey.
I feel like I've been kissed by the sun.
Work it, doc! You look tan-tastic!
Stop being orange!
Hey, Carlos.
Kelly, what are you doing here?
Care to try out my new
shopping cart slingshot?
Care to try out my forget it?
Burn. He brought it.
It does look really cool, though.
Last chance. I'm getting in.
Carlos, get in the cart!
You've got Hollywood fever!
Okay, Hollywood fever progress check.
We have made no progress.
How come all of your friends got
Hollywood fever and you didn't?
Because he has a normal brain,
and his friends have
the brain of a cricket.
New plan.
Kendall... you are going solo.
No way.
Look, they may just be
a singing group to you,
but they're my best friends.
Now I'm gonna go do what
I always do when you,
this town, and this heat get to me.
I'm hitting the rink
to figure things out.
Wait, the rink?
Yeah, the ice and the
cold help me clear my head
and remind me of where I came from.
Say that last part again.
The ice and cold remind
me of where I came from.
Why are you looking at each other
and saying things twice?
Don't you see?
I never got Hollywood fever
because I never lost
touch with my roots.
And maybe Hollywood fever
is just a fancy term for...
Homesickness.
Get the dogs to the ice rink now!
I couldn't get Carlos to try
a slingshot shopping cart.
You want me to get him to an ice rink?
What if we bring the ice to them?
Ooh.
Katie, I need 6000 pounds
of shaved ice right away.
Sorry, big bro.
I'd have to leave my stand,
and bitters will destroy it.
Katie, I love you, and I
don't have time to explain,
but it's really important.
Buddha Bob, can the z-5000
shave 6000 pounds of ice?
No.
But the z-10,000 can.
Bitters.
300 bucks, and the stand is yours.
Deal.
Let's roll.
Snow cones. Get your snow cones.
City health inspector.
Please show me your license
for operating this food cart,
or I'll have to fine you $500.
Oh, look, a free cherry snow cone.
No license and bribing a city official.
That's another $500.
- Rats.
- Rats?
That's another $500.
Running away.
That's another $500.
There really is no such
thing as too handsome.
Hey!
Whoa, all right,
you do that again...
This is silk.
Nice.
Run.
Kendall, not cool!
I'm gonna get you, Kendall!
Whoa, whoa, bad vibes.
Fire at will!
Jennifer, do something!
The name's Carlos, and it's on.
***
Goodbye heat wave, and
goodbye Hollywood fever.
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
- It's hot!
So hot! So hot!
***
Oh.
It's 95 degrees out.
Why is bitters the only one in the pool?
Hey, guys, check out the sign.
"Adult swim. No kids allowed."
That's just plain rude.
No, no, no, no, no.
You guys are reading it wrong.
It says, "adult swim?
No, kids allowed!"
- You guys are great.
- I know.
No, I mean it.
I mean, a few months in Hollywood
usually changes people,
but you're still the same down-to-earth
guys you were when you got here.
Hey, guys.
Another tan-tastic day in Hollywood.
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ make it count, play it straight ♪
♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪
♪ when you go big time ♪
♪ what you know, what you feel ♪
♪ never quitin', make it real ♪
♪ when you're going big time ♪
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪
♪ hey, hey don't you feel the rush ♪
- # oh-oh, oh-oh #
- # hey, hey #
♪ go and shake it up ♪
♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪
♪ go and make your luck ♪
♪ with the life you choose ♪
♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪
♪ it's the only life you got
so you got to live it ♪
♪ big time ♪
Does he know he looks like a yam?
Looks like I spoke too soon.
James has Hollywood fever.
Oh, no.
I told him not to buy clams
from that guy on the freeway.
No, this town is starting to change him,
and the heat is clearly making it worse.
Not possible.
Look, we made a pact when we got
here to stay true to ourselves.
Yeah, look at him.
You have to shut this
down before it snowballs,
like it did with guitar dude.
What's up?
When he first moved here,
he was a concert cellist.
♪ what is up ♪
♪ what is up ♪
♪ what is up ♪
Oh, yeah, and when the
Jennifers moved here,
they walked in normal motion.
Hollywood fever.
So that explains all
your weird behavior.
What weird behavior?
Hollywood fever.
I'll cure his Hollywood fever.
James, you're orange,
and you look like a freak.
Actually,
I'm mangerine,
as in mangerine action tan by cuda.
In Hollywood, if you can't
tan with the big boys,
don't even bother showing up at all.
I don't even know how
to respond to that.
Yeah, James, we all
agreed that we wouldn't
let this town change us.
Hey, I'm still me...
Just better.
James, give us the spray now!
Action tan activate!
Get him.
Oh look, it's devil boy's sister.
- What's all this?
- A snow cone stand.
This heat wave's my chance
to take over this town.
You're going to take over
this town with colored ice?
No.
First I reinvest my profits into
the booming agribusiness sector,
corner the market in soy
futures to make a cool 100 mil,
then combine cash and stock options
to purchase a major movie studio,
then take over this town.
Aren't you a wittle tycoon?
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
♪ stuck, stuck ♪
♪ and I'm never giving ♪
♪ up, up ♪
♪ in the middle of a perfect day ♪
♪ I'm tripping over words to say ♪
♪ 'cause I don't want to keep you guessing ♪
♪ but I always end up getting ♪
- # stuck, stuck #
- Cut! Cut!
Will somebody please tell me
why James is orange?
Actually, I'm mangerine.
Boys, can I see you out here
for just a quick minute?
Something wrong, boss?
James, in this business,
image is everything,
and the image I'm going
for is not three normal boys
and a tangerine freak.
So what you're saying is that
the other three guys are too pale.
- I can fix it.
- No!
We think he might have Hollywood fever.
You, don't panic.
You, stop being orange!
No! No! My mangerine!
Just give it to me.
- Mine!
- Give it to me!
Ha!
Ha-ha!
Well, that didn't work.
Let's try this.
Fix your friend, or I will fire him
and replace him with
someone that is not orange!
He's not in the bathroom.
He's not in the swirly slide.
But look, I found an empty
bottle of mangerine action tan.
According to the label, this
stuff dissolves with water.
You thinking what I'm thinking?
I was thinking we get snow
cones to beat the heat,
but this works too.
And should break the fever...
Quite nicely.
Carlitos, you scope the
pool for orange James.
Logan-ator, you hit Palmwoods park.
And I'll stake out the lobby.
Move out.
Tyler.
Have you seen orange James?
No, but here come the Jennifers.
Oh, who are we kidding?
This just isn't working.
Hey, where's the other Jennifer?
She took a soap opera job in Iceland because
the heat was making her hair lifeless.
And now, with just two of us,
our pool entrances lack
flair and intimidation.
It's like a piece of us is missing.
The middle piece.
Okay. There, there.
It's gonna be okay.
Hey, you know something?
You're the same height
as the old Jennifer.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Who wants a snow cone?
Okay, move it. Come on, shoo.
Get out of the way.
What's the big idea?
Your rental contract
specifically prohibits you
from operating a food stand
on Palmwoods property.
Oh, please. Just tell me what you want.
Fine, I want 50% of all
future shaved ice profits
and a three-picture deal once
you buy your movie studio.
Never gonna happen.
Fine. Boys, take it away.
Have a Palmwoods day.
Oh.
You know, Katie, if I learned
one thing in business school,
it's that you can get out
of any contract.
You went to business school?
Does a t-Bond's value move in the
opposite direction of its yield?
Dude, I'm ten.
All I know is that bitters
just jacked my blender.
Mmm. I can get you a blender.
In fact, I can get you
the ice grinder z-5000.
- What's that?
- My wood chipper.
On hot days, I fill it full of ice
and then turn it on myself
and pretend I'm skiing.
James!
I can't believe I missed.
Looks like you guys beat the heat.
Ugh.
Guitar dude.
James has Hollywood fever
and is addicted to tanning.
Have you seen him?
Have you seen yourself?
I mean, I know it's hot out,
but you need to chill out.
No, you don't understand.
James looks looks really stupid.
Well, hey, man, if tanning's
his thing, well, that's cool.
Let James be James.
♪ let James be James ♪
grab a bongo, dude.
Look, I don't have time
to play with bongos.
Hey, man, you can rush around
trying to find someone
that doesn't want to be found,
or you can find Logan.
Find Logan.
How does that feel?
It feels good.
♪ let James be James ♪
♪ don't play those games ♪
♪ let James be James ♪
♪ let James be James ♪
I don't know, guys.
I mean... I'm not sure I'm
ready to be a Jennifer.
I mean... I'm nice.
Right, as in people walk all over you.
When was the last time you
sang lead in one of your songs?
Well, never, but...
And what about your
dressing room at your studio?
You do have your own, right?
Well, we keep our stuff in a duffel bag.
Look, Hollywood is like a fish tank,
and you're either a minnow or a piranha.
Carlos, a little help here!
Keep talking.
The only people who make it in this town
are the ones who are mean,
selfish, and in it to win it.
Carlos!
I don't want to be a minnow.
I want to be a piranha.
No, wait, I want to be a tiger shark.
Sure. Whatever.
Sorry, James,
but you've got the fever.
And I've got the cure.
Unbelievable!
What's the matter, Kendall?
You're looking a little pale.
Tanning powers go!
No! No! James, the tanning!
Kendall, I trust you've
solved our little problem.
Now get back to the studio.
We've got work to do.
Oh, you have no idea.
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ stuck, stuck ♪
♪ but I'm never giving ♪
♪ up, up ♪
♪ in the middle of a perfect day ♪
♪ I'm tripping over words to say ♪
Kendall, can I talk to you for a minute?
Just a quick minute.
All right.
- What is going on?
- I don't know.
Carlos, Logan, and I were
trying to wash off orange James,
and then things just kind of snowballed.
Well, you are kind of
the leader of this band,
so kind of fix it!
Sorry, I couldn't stop them.
Yo, Gustav, I want a solo
on the next album we record.
And his new name is Jennifer.
Okay, maybe not that,
but the band's new name
is Carlos and the rush.
Well, you and your princess posse
can take this and...
Everybody chill it out
and hop aboard the Logan
train... whoo-whoo...
To mellow-ville.
Bink.
Chill.
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I brought enough
mangerine spray for everybody?
They've got the fever, and it's bad.
And this heat is only
making their symptoms worse.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You guys know about Hollywood fever?
It's broken up nearly
every one of my bands.
It starts with tanning or bongos.
Before you know it, they
quit to start movie careers
or they move to Canada
to live among the moose.
Boyquake.
We have got to snap them out
of this before it is permanent.
We must divide and conquer.
Kendall, you take bongo boy
and drum some sense into him.
Kelly, find Carlos and remind
him that he's not a Jennifer!
And I am getting a shrink for James.
No. No. No. Get.
I thought I told you
you couldn't sell food
on Palmwoods property.
I'm not on Palmwoods property.
She's above it. Ooh.
Well played, my friend. Well played.
But mark my words: I'll
destroy you and this stand.
I'll give you 100 bucks
for the whole operation.
500, and I keep the franchise rights.
Forget it, but remember this:
I will destroy you.
Oh, is that blue raspberry?
Tyler, all you have to do
is tap into the old
Logan's love of math.
Then he trades in his bongo
rhythms for logarithms.
And bingo, no more Hollywood fever.
Hey, what's the haps, little dude?
Logan, I'm confused.
If I had five apples and I
gave two to my friend Cindy,
how many would I have left?
It doesn't matter, dude.
You still have some apples, right?
And Cindy, she has some apples too.
You know, he's got a point.
But darn it!
James's need to cover
himself with tanning spray
is an attempt to counter
his feelings of estrangement
brought on by his new and
intense Hollywood environment.
Yeah, no.
He's nuts...
And orange.
Don't worry.
I've cured many stars
of Hollywood fever.
Before he came to me,
Taylor Lautner refused to leave
his house without his sock monkey.
I feel like I've been kissed by the sun.
Work it, doc! You look tan-tastic!
Stop being orange!
Hey, Carlos.
Kelly, what are you doing here?
Care to try out my new
shopping cart slingshot?
Care to try out my forget it?
Burn. He brought it.
It does look really cool, though.
Last chance. I'm getting in.
Carlos, get in the cart!
You've got Hollywood fever!
Okay, Hollywood fever progress check.
We have made no progress.
How come all of your friends got
Hollywood fever and you didn't?
Because he has a normal brain,
and his friends have
the brain of a cricket.
New plan.
Kendall... you are going solo.
No way.
Look, they may just be
a singing group to you,
but they're my best friends.
Now I'm gonna go do what
I always do when you,
this town, and this heat get to me.
I'm hitting the rink
to figure things out.
Wait, the rink?
Yeah, the ice and the
cold help me clear my head
and remind me of where I came from.
Say that last part again.
The ice and cold remind
me of where I came from.
Why are you looking at each other
and saying things twice?
Don't you see?
I never got Hollywood fever
because I never lost
touch with my roots.
And maybe Hollywood fever
is just a fancy term for...
Homesickness.
Get the dogs to the ice rink now!
I couldn't get Carlos to try
a slingshot shopping cart.
You want me to get him to an ice rink?
What if we bring the ice to them?
Ooh.
Katie, I need 6000 pounds
of shaved ice right away.
Sorry, big bro.
I'd have to leave my stand,
and bitters will destroy it.
Katie, I love you, and I
don't have time to explain,
but it's really important.
Buddha Bob, can the z-5000
shave 6000 pounds of ice?
No.
But the z-10,000 can.
Bitters.
300 bucks, and the stand is yours.
Deal.
Let's roll.
Snow cones. Get your snow cones.
City health inspector.
Please show me your license
for operating this food cart,
or I'll have to fine you $500.
Oh, look, a free cherry snow cone.
No license and bribing a city official.
That's another $500.
- Rats.
- Rats?
That's another $500.
Running away.
That's another $500.
There really is no such
thing as too handsome.
Hey!
Whoa, all right,
you do that again...
This is silk.
Nice.
Run.
Kendall, not cool!
I'm gonna get you, Kendall!
Whoa, whoa, bad vibes.
Fire at will!
Jennifer, do something!
The name's Carlos, and it's on.
***
Goodbye heat wave, and
goodbye Hollywood fever.
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪