Big Day (2006–2007): Season 1, Episode 8 - War with the Neighbors - full transcript
Hey, you.
No.
We slept together,
and I drank his contacts.
I found these.
My wedding rings?
I guess your best man
must have lost them.
I, I didn't lose them.
I can't believe you, Skobo.
I asked you to keep
something in your pocket.
The caterer is an
independent contractor, right?
- Yes.
- Good.
Then, you're fired.
How about you all
come to the wedding?
Everybody is invited.
Now, I have to kill him.
You can do this.
You don't need anyone else.
Lorna!
Okay, okay. How about this?
First I tell Mom how much money
the cute doctor I invited makes.
She'll be so happy for me,
the other 40 guests
you guys invited
won't faze her at all.
I know it won't work.
I just like talking
about my doctor.
No. No one's going to tell her.
Here's what we're going to do.
You there.
Yeah. Whatever you, you...
You food people are doing here,
do it for 40 more.
Cut the steaks in half.
Mash these baked potatoes,
spread 'em thin and wide.
Pile on some of these,
these carrot sprigs.
Whatever it takes
to cover the plate.
Just do it
on the QT.
A hundred dollars!
Thanks.
Should I tell the caterers
or do you want to do it?
Steve.
As if Becca's extra doctor
guest wasn't enough,
the neighbors are now erecting
a giant dragon, which is
looming over our wedding.
Yo, it's got a slide, too.
Man, that's sweet.
It's gonna ruin everything.
Right.
But another day.
What is wrong with these people?
I mean,
we told them about the wedding.
I even sent them a
lovely certified letter,
which included a
list of charming hotels
they could stay
in for the weekend.
All right. I'm gonna
go talk to them myself.
They won't listen.
They hate you.
That is ridiculous.
Why would they hate me?
Why? Let's review.
You took down their Christmas
lights last year.
Please, it was January.
You called the cops on them
when their baby was crying
and said that they had a gun.
The police never come unless
you say someone has a gun.
You're right. I take it back.
You're obviously the
ambassador of goodwill we need
to handle this
delicate situation.
And just what is that
supposed to mean?
I think you know.
Here we go.
Is this about me
being overbearing?
Because I have been
hearing that tired, old bromide
- all my life.
- Why don't I go?
They don't even know you.
Well, that's probably
why he should go.
Yeah.
Everybody loves Danny.
Was it 14 or 40 extra guests?
What?
What part of QT
didn't you understand?
Any of it.
I have no idea what that means.
Extra guests, Steve?
I'm dating a doctor.
Good. We're gonna
go talk to the neighbors.
Okay.
How do you wanna play this?
Good cop, bad cop?
Two Mormons on a mission?
Homeland Security?
Because with that bit,
we don't need a warrant.
No, thanks, Skobo. I got this.
Is this still about
me losing the rings?
Because I have let that go.
You know what?
People are always
saying that you're selfish
and that you're inconsiderate,
and I'm always defending you.
But today...
I'm... I'm a little sick of it.
You're gonna go with
maverick loner out for justice.
That's classic, baby.
Hey, I'm Danny,
and I know who this guy is.
Michelangelo's David.
You just saved
me a trip to Italy.
If you're the clown we hired,
I'm gonna need less jokes
and more balloon animals.
No, no. I'm the groom
from the wedding next door.
- And?
- I couldn't help but notice
your giant,
fun dragon peeking out at us.
You know, right where we're
gonna have our actual ceremony.
Don't get me wrong.
I love dragons,
Puff being my favorite.
I'm not movin' it.
Those people are horrible.
The wife sent me
a letter telling me
not to flush the toilets on
the right side of my house.
Look...
I'm sorry you've had problems
with the Hopkins before,
but I'm just gonna
be here one day,
just to marry their daughter.
So if you could
find it in your heart...
Listen, you seem like a decent
kid who is making a mistake.
But today's my son's birthday.
I promised him a dragon bouncy,
paintball, a clown,
and a Dance Dance
Revolution machine, so...
Yeah. Good times.
Well, I get that.
Yeah, I love kids.
I run a camp, actually.
Camp Kappawani.
In fact
if we could work this out,
maybe I could arrange
for your son to go,
for free.
- Is it expensive?
- Ridiculously.
And I'd make sure he got
one of the clean mattresses.
- Interesting.
- Isn't it?
Die! Die!
What the hell?
Gentlemen.
Well, dragon is down. They just
pulled the last kid out.
Cookie?
You know, if I knew that Skobo was
just gonna take a knife to the thing,
I would've had him cut down
their horrible wind chimes.
Now all I have is 40
more problems to solve
with all those extra
guests you invited.
Come on. We can handle it.
Can we?
Because we need 40 linens,
40 shrimp forks,
40 wine glasses,
and 40 personalized
messages from the bride
tucked into 40 fortune cookies.
Can you make fortune cookies,
Steve?
Okay. Here's a thought.
Our wedding planner.
Apologize to Lorna.
Get her to come back.
Apologize.
Wha... What do
I have to apologize for?
Well, let's face it, honey.
You're a little...
What? Now you, too?
I'm... overbearing?
Is that what you were gonna say,
Steve?
Is it?
Well, is it?
No need to thank me.
Hey. It's what I do, baby.
Okay? It's called
taking care of business.
I learned it from my father,
you know?
He always used to say,
"Shut up, you kids,
or I'll slit your throats!"
I love that man.
I told you to stay out of it.
I was doing great with the guy.
I was this close.
Hey, all I know is that
you had a dragon problem,
and now you don't
have a dragon problem.
So it's down.
- Yes, milady. I slew your dragon.
-
Yeah.
And now the
neighbor's mad as hell.
You know, we had a
small problem with this guy
- that I was working out.
- But you didn't work it out.
I worked it out.
Look, Dan-O,
he got the message, okay?
It's over.
- Get 'em.
- It's those kids! Run!
Take that.
This wedding is stupid.
Damn it, Skobo!
I suppose this is
somehow my fault.
This is where her
assistant works.
Now if anyone knows
where Lorna is, it's Francis.
Damn it, Jeff the Conqueror.
If we douse the
goblin's fire now,
we'll never get
the magic scepter.
What do they teach you in
the sixth grade these days?
Excuse me. Are you Francis?
How did you get in here?
The steps.
Good. Because I fixed them,
and I wasn't sure.
- I'm Jane Hopkins...
- I know who you are.
I thought you might be
paying me a little visit.
Hello, Steve.
Hello...
Francis.
Cheese?
How very nice.
Steve, take one.
Just take one.
Francis,
we were wondering if maybe...
Brat?
Thanks.
I'm,
I'm good with the cheese stick.
Fine.
So you've come about Lorna.
Yes...
Do you know where
we might find her?
I know a lot of things.
Like the best way to clean
furniture is with pantyhose.
You know, Francis,
we're in a bit of a hurry here.
Here's where you'll find her.
Not so fast, Doctor.
Quid pro quo.
There's something on my back.
It's either a mole,
a skin tag, or a tick.
Got me right here. Yeah.
Okay,
please be careful of the walls,
and don't touch anything
with a monogram on it,
or my mother will kill me.
All right.
Let's keep it moving, people.
Serpentine! Serpentine!
Well, Carl...
You made it.
Don't ask me to do it again.
It's a killing field out there.
Yeah, I'm really
starting to hate kids.
Mr. Giggles here.
I heard someone has a birthday.
I think you wanna be next door.
I'm sorry.
Hey, listen. Could I use
your bathroom real quick?
The kids are gonna
be all over me
the minute I step in the door.
I won't get the chance.
Sure.
Upstairs is open.
Who is that?
That's the next door
neighbor's party clown.
He wanted to use the bathroom.
The neighbor's birthday clown?
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
That there's 15 more outside
getting out of a small car?
No, look.
The neighbor promised
his kid that clown,
and we've got him.
And we don't let him go
until we negotiate a ceasefire.
I don't know about you,
but I want a beautiful
and peaceful wedding.
You want to kidnap
a birthday clown?
Well, what choice do we have?
I think a lot.
Come on.
We're not gonna kill him, Alice.
But we can't let him know that.
Thank you.
Don't worry. I, washed
up before I... twisted it.
Wait.
Yeah?
I'm getting married today,
and now we're in this
war with our neighbors,
and it's ruining everything.
I've been dreaming and planning
for this day my entire life.
Is there any way that
you could talk to them?
Tell them that we'll get
them a new bouncy thing,
and that we are so, so sorry.
And then maybe you could,
you know, just do that thing
where you stick
out your lower lip
and rub your eyes
like you're crying.
I, I think that
might really sell it.
I don't know. It's...
Please, Mr. Giggles.
You're our only hope.
Well...
You helped me out.
I guess I could give it a shot.
Thank you!
Sorry.
Good news.
I convinced Mr. Giggles to
go apologize to our neighbors.
First rule of kidnapping...
Don't let the hostage go!
Steve, she has a gun.
I just have to say this.
The smell of gunpowder
makes me want you.
Hello.
I didn't see you standing there.
I just come here to
blow off some steam.
I used to spin but...
I find that this
is a little more
therapeutic.
Go ahead.
Tell her.
I'm gonna grab some nachos
and watch that gal with
the Mohawk and the Uzi.
Could we talk?
Grab a gun.
Listen,
I know we have a history.
But I'm dating
a really cute doctor now, so...
I hope things aren't
gonna be weird between us.
No, actually,
I am glad you found someone.
You deserve it.
Okay, that
was kind of
sweet. Are you okay?
Not really.
I, I lost the wedding rings.
I lost my sight.
And...
I used to think that I just
treated women like crap.
But apparently...
I treat my best friend
like crap, too. So...
Are you trying to get
me into bed again?
You know,
this isn't easy for me.
I know that people
consider me...
Overbearing?
The truth is I just
care too much.
Now, I just want good
things for my family.
I mean, I know I don't always
go about it the right way,
but I mean,
I just want them to be happy.
And to love me.
I mean, is that so terrible?
Wow.
My!
You were right.
This really does help.
All right, Lorna.
The bottom line is...
I'm sorry.
But I can't apologize.
It isn't my fault
that I happen to be
a forceful woman who
knows what she wants.
As am I.
Yeah,
and some overly sensitive people
mistakenly consider
me overbearing.
Well, we're similar in that way.
Maybe that's why we butt heads.
I, I hadn't thought
about it that way.
Well,
maybe we are two peas in a pod.
It's very astute of you, Lorna.
Thank you, Jane...
...I want you to come back.
Please.
I see.
Okay.
Here's what I want.
I want the money you docked me.
I want indoor
bathroom privileges.
And I want a centerpiece.
My choice.
Fine.
And
from now on, I want you to
speak to me with... respect.
You know I can't
promise you that.
Then two centerpieces
and a bottle of champagne.
- No.
- Deal.
It's been quiet for a while.
Think Mr. Giggles convinced
our neighbor to leave us alone?
Carl.
Hey, would you mind,
running outside and
bringing me that ashtray?
Outside?
You don't really want it,
do you?
No.
I appreciate your honesty.
All clear.
Thanks, Carl.
Looks like your clown
came through.
Hello?
Look out your front door.
What?
That was the neighbor. He said
to look out the front door.
My God!
Is that your wedding dress?
But how did they get
it out of my closet?
The clown must have stolen it.
The clown we didn't kidnap?
You know... there's nothing else
to do except call the police.
Yeah, the cops will love
hearing how we started it
by destroying a
child's birthday bouncy.
Yeah.
Maybe the doctor I'm dating will
have an idea when he gets here.
Becca, can you focus?
We all know you have
a date with a doctor.
We're not calling anyone.
He crossed the line.
We're getting my dress back.
How are we gonna do that?
We're gonna play this just
like capture the flag at camp.
That neighbor picked the
wrong bride to mess with.
That was scary Alice.
I remember scary Alice.
I haven't seen her since I told
her prom date she had herpes.
I think capture the
flag is a great idea.
Now, I am the fastest
and the most catlike
and fearless.
So obviously,
I will grab the flag.
- I don't think so.
- Right.
I'm an even better liar,
so I will be the decoy.
You can stay here
and guard our flag.
That's what we always told the dork
with the headgear and the asthma
to make him think
he was included.
I don't need any more
help from you, Skobo.
Come on, Dan-O.
Where is this flag I'm
supposed to guard?
Here.
My old prescription
swim goggles.
Before I got lasered.
My eyes were pretty bad.
They, they might be close.
Wow.
I didn't expect this from you.
Well,
guess I've matured
since I started dating that...
Even I'm getting
tired of saying that.
No, no, I'm not. My doctor!
I have a doctor.
It's not my fault
that my parents are jerks, okay?
I have always taken your side.
Please, give me back
my dress so I can
get married and get away
from these awful people.
Don't I deserve to be happy?
- Hey!
- Crap!
Run, Danny, run!
Get the dress. Get the dress.
Out of the way, clown!
No, Danny!
Don't let them shoot my dress!
Danny! No!
Skobo, you okay?
Go, man. Save the dress.
Thanks, Skobo.
Hey.
Earn it.
I'm so cold.
And after the ceremony,
we will move 40 folding
chairs into the tent.
Any questions?
All right. Go!
Francis, how are we coming
on those extra tables?
Copy that. And we're gonna need
to break into our
emergency pâté reserve.
You wh-what?
Who eats three pounds
of pâté in one day?
All right.
No more complaining
to me about your gout.
Thank God, she's back.
Yes, of course. I'm gonna
have to work twice as hard
to fix everything she's doing.
So what's happening
with the neighbors?
Well, it's been quiet,
but that means nothing.
I just saw those kids
filling up bags with dog poo.
Something's brewing.
There's no end to this.
I mean, it's... It's getting so I don't
remember who started it anymore.
It was me, dude.
Hold on.
I know how to make this right.
You're a lot prettier
than I remember.
It's all over.
Everything's gonna be
great for the wedding, honey.
Honey?
I hate my dress.
Who tracked paint
into this kitchen?
Lorna!
She missed me, Francis.
She really did.
Lorna!
No.
We slept together,
and I drank his contacts.
I found these.
My wedding rings?
I guess your best man
must have lost them.
I, I didn't lose them.
I can't believe you, Skobo.
I asked you to keep
something in your pocket.
The caterer is an
independent contractor, right?
- Yes.
- Good.
Then, you're fired.
How about you all
come to the wedding?
Everybody is invited.
Now, I have to kill him.
You can do this.
You don't need anyone else.
Lorna!
Okay, okay. How about this?
First I tell Mom how much money
the cute doctor I invited makes.
She'll be so happy for me,
the other 40 guests
you guys invited
won't faze her at all.
I know it won't work.
I just like talking
about my doctor.
No. No one's going to tell her.
Here's what we're going to do.
You there.
Yeah. Whatever you, you...
You food people are doing here,
do it for 40 more.
Cut the steaks in half.
Mash these baked potatoes,
spread 'em thin and wide.
Pile on some of these,
these carrot sprigs.
Whatever it takes
to cover the plate.
Just do it
on the QT.
A hundred dollars!
Thanks.
Should I tell the caterers
or do you want to do it?
Steve.
As if Becca's extra doctor
guest wasn't enough,
the neighbors are now erecting
a giant dragon, which is
looming over our wedding.
Yo, it's got a slide, too.
Man, that's sweet.
It's gonna ruin everything.
Right.
But another day.
What is wrong with these people?
I mean,
we told them about the wedding.
I even sent them a
lovely certified letter,
which included a
list of charming hotels
they could stay
in for the weekend.
All right. I'm gonna
go talk to them myself.
They won't listen.
They hate you.
That is ridiculous.
Why would they hate me?
Why? Let's review.
You took down their Christmas
lights last year.
Please, it was January.
You called the cops on them
when their baby was crying
and said that they had a gun.
The police never come unless
you say someone has a gun.
You're right. I take it back.
You're obviously the
ambassador of goodwill we need
to handle this
delicate situation.
And just what is that
supposed to mean?
I think you know.
Here we go.
Is this about me
being overbearing?
Because I have been
hearing that tired, old bromide
- all my life.
- Why don't I go?
They don't even know you.
Well, that's probably
why he should go.
Yeah.
Everybody loves Danny.
Was it 14 or 40 extra guests?
What?
What part of QT
didn't you understand?
Any of it.
I have no idea what that means.
Extra guests, Steve?
I'm dating a doctor.
Good. We're gonna
go talk to the neighbors.
Okay.
How do you wanna play this?
Good cop, bad cop?
Two Mormons on a mission?
Homeland Security?
Because with that bit,
we don't need a warrant.
No, thanks, Skobo. I got this.
Is this still about
me losing the rings?
Because I have let that go.
You know what?
People are always
saying that you're selfish
and that you're inconsiderate,
and I'm always defending you.
But today...
I'm... I'm a little sick of it.
You're gonna go with
maverick loner out for justice.
That's classic, baby.
Hey, I'm Danny,
and I know who this guy is.
Michelangelo's David.
You just saved
me a trip to Italy.
If you're the clown we hired,
I'm gonna need less jokes
and more balloon animals.
No, no. I'm the groom
from the wedding next door.
- And?
- I couldn't help but notice
your giant,
fun dragon peeking out at us.
You know, right where we're
gonna have our actual ceremony.
Don't get me wrong.
I love dragons,
Puff being my favorite.
I'm not movin' it.
Those people are horrible.
The wife sent me
a letter telling me
not to flush the toilets on
the right side of my house.
Look...
I'm sorry you've had problems
with the Hopkins before,
but I'm just gonna
be here one day,
just to marry their daughter.
So if you could
find it in your heart...
Listen, you seem like a decent
kid who is making a mistake.
But today's my son's birthday.
I promised him a dragon bouncy,
paintball, a clown,
and a Dance Dance
Revolution machine, so...
Yeah. Good times.
Well, I get that.
Yeah, I love kids.
I run a camp, actually.
Camp Kappawani.
In fact
if we could work this out,
maybe I could arrange
for your son to go,
for free.
- Is it expensive?
- Ridiculously.
And I'd make sure he got
one of the clean mattresses.
- Interesting.
- Isn't it?
Die! Die!
What the hell?
Gentlemen.
Well, dragon is down. They just
pulled the last kid out.
Cookie?
You know, if I knew that Skobo was
just gonna take a knife to the thing,
I would've had him cut down
their horrible wind chimes.
Now all I have is 40
more problems to solve
with all those extra
guests you invited.
Come on. We can handle it.
Can we?
Because we need 40 linens,
40 shrimp forks,
40 wine glasses,
and 40 personalized
messages from the bride
tucked into 40 fortune cookies.
Can you make fortune cookies,
Steve?
Okay. Here's a thought.
Our wedding planner.
Apologize to Lorna.
Get her to come back.
Apologize.
Wha... What do
I have to apologize for?
Well, let's face it, honey.
You're a little...
What? Now you, too?
I'm... overbearing?
Is that what you were gonna say,
Steve?
Is it?
Well, is it?
No need to thank me.
Hey. It's what I do, baby.
Okay? It's called
taking care of business.
I learned it from my father,
you know?
He always used to say,
"Shut up, you kids,
or I'll slit your throats!"
I love that man.
I told you to stay out of it.
I was doing great with the guy.
I was this close.
Hey, all I know is that
you had a dragon problem,
and now you don't
have a dragon problem.
So it's down.
- Yes, milady. I slew your dragon.
-
Yeah.
And now the
neighbor's mad as hell.
You know, we had a
small problem with this guy
- that I was working out.
- But you didn't work it out.
I worked it out.
Look, Dan-O,
he got the message, okay?
It's over.
- Get 'em.
- It's those kids! Run!
Take that.
This wedding is stupid.
Damn it, Skobo!
I suppose this is
somehow my fault.
This is where her
assistant works.
Now if anyone knows
where Lorna is, it's Francis.
Damn it, Jeff the Conqueror.
If we douse the
goblin's fire now,
we'll never get
the magic scepter.
What do they teach you in
the sixth grade these days?
Excuse me. Are you Francis?
How did you get in here?
The steps.
Good. Because I fixed them,
and I wasn't sure.
- I'm Jane Hopkins...
- I know who you are.
I thought you might be
paying me a little visit.
Hello, Steve.
Hello...
Francis.
Cheese?
How very nice.
Steve, take one.
Just take one.
Francis,
we were wondering if maybe...
Brat?
Thanks.
I'm,
I'm good with the cheese stick.
Fine.
So you've come about Lorna.
Yes...
Do you know where
we might find her?
I know a lot of things.
Like the best way to clean
furniture is with pantyhose.
You know, Francis,
we're in a bit of a hurry here.
Here's where you'll find her.
Not so fast, Doctor.
Quid pro quo.
There's something on my back.
It's either a mole,
a skin tag, or a tick.
Got me right here. Yeah.
Okay,
please be careful of the walls,
and don't touch anything
with a monogram on it,
or my mother will kill me.
All right.
Let's keep it moving, people.
Serpentine! Serpentine!
Well, Carl...
You made it.
Don't ask me to do it again.
It's a killing field out there.
Yeah, I'm really
starting to hate kids.
Mr. Giggles here.
I heard someone has a birthday.
I think you wanna be next door.
I'm sorry.
Hey, listen. Could I use
your bathroom real quick?
The kids are gonna
be all over me
the minute I step in the door.
I won't get the chance.
Sure.
Upstairs is open.
Who is that?
That's the next door
neighbor's party clown.
He wanted to use the bathroom.
The neighbor's birthday clown?
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
That there's 15 more outside
getting out of a small car?
No, look.
The neighbor promised
his kid that clown,
and we've got him.
And we don't let him go
until we negotiate a ceasefire.
I don't know about you,
but I want a beautiful
and peaceful wedding.
You want to kidnap
a birthday clown?
Well, what choice do we have?
I think a lot.
Come on.
We're not gonna kill him, Alice.
But we can't let him know that.
Thank you.
Don't worry. I, washed
up before I... twisted it.
Wait.
Yeah?
I'm getting married today,
and now we're in this
war with our neighbors,
and it's ruining everything.
I've been dreaming and planning
for this day my entire life.
Is there any way that
you could talk to them?
Tell them that we'll get
them a new bouncy thing,
and that we are so, so sorry.
And then maybe you could,
you know, just do that thing
where you stick
out your lower lip
and rub your eyes
like you're crying.
I, I think that
might really sell it.
I don't know. It's...
Please, Mr. Giggles.
You're our only hope.
Well...
You helped me out.
I guess I could give it a shot.
Thank you!
Sorry.
Good news.
I convinced Mr. Giggles to
go apologize to our neighbors.
First rule of kidnapping...
Don't let the hostage go!
Steve, she has a gun.
I just have to say this.
The smell of gunpowder
makes me want you.
Hello.
I didn't see you standing there.
I just come here to
blow off some steam.
I used to spin but...
I find that this
is a little more
therapeutic.
Go ahead.
Tell her.
I'm gonna grab some nachos
and watch that gal with
the Mohawk and the Uzi.
Could we talk?
Grab a gun.
Listen,
I know we have a history.
But I'm dating
a really cute doctor now, so...
I hope things aren't
gonna be weird between us.
No, actually,
I am glad you found someone.
You deserve it.
Okay, that
was kind of
sweet. Are you okay?
Not really.
I, I lost the wedding rings.
I lost my sight.
And...
I used to think that I just
treated women like crap.
But apparently...
I treat my best friend
like crap, too. So...
Are you trying to get
me into bed again?
You know,
this isn't easy for me.
I know that people
consider me...
Overbearing?
The truth is I just
care too much.
Now, I just want good
things for my family.
I mean, I know I don't always
go about it the right way,
but I mean,
I just want them to be happy.
And to love me.
I mean, is that so terrible?
Wow.
My!
You were right.
This really does help.
All right, Lorna.
The bottom line is...
I'm sorry.
But I can't apologize.
It isn't my fault
that I happen to be
a forceful woman who
knows what she wants.
As am I.
Yeah,
and some overly sensitive people
mistakenly consider
me overbearing.
Well, we're similar in that way.
Maybe that's why we butt heads.
I, I hadn't thought
about it that way.
Well,
maybe we are two peas in a pod.
It's very astute of you, Lorna.
Thank you, Jane...
...I want you to come back.
Please.
I see.
Okay.
Here's what I want.
I want the money you docked me.
I want indoor
bathroom privileges.
And I want a centerpiece.
My choice.
Fine.
And
from now on, I want you to
speak to me with... respect.
You know I can't
promise you that.
Then two centerpieces
and a bottle of champagne.
- No.
- Deal.
It's been quiet for a while.
Think Mr. Giggles convinced
our neighbor to leave us alone?
Carl.
Hey, would you mind,
running outside and
bringing me that ashtray?
Outside?
You don't really want it,
do you?
No.
I appreciate your honesty.
All clear.
Thanks, Carl.
Looks like your clown
came through.
Hello?
Look out your front door.
What?
That was the neighbor. He said
to look out the front door.
My God!
Is that your wedding dress?
But how did they get
it out of my closet?
The clown must have stolen it.
The clown we didn't kidnap?
You know... there's nothing else
to do except call the police.
Yeah, the cops will love
hearing how we started it
by destroying a
child's birthday bouncy.
Yeah.
Maybe the doctor I'm dating will
have an idea when he gets here.
Becca, can you focus?
We all know you have
a date with a doctor.
We're not calling anyone.
He crossed the line.
We're getting my dress back.
How are we gonna do that?
We're gonna play this just
like capture the flag at camp.
That neighbor picked the
wrong bride to mess with.
That was scary Alice.
I remember scary Alice.
I haven't seen her since I told
her prom date she had herpes.
I think capture the
flag is a great idea.
Now, I am the fastest
and the most catlike
and fearless.
So obviously,
I will grab the flag.
- I don't think so.
- Right.
I'm an even better liar,
so I will be the decoy.
You can stay here
and guard our flag.
That's what we always told the dork
with the headgear and the asthma
to make him think
he was included.
I don't need any more
help from you, Skobo.
Come on, Dan-O.
Where is this flag I'm
supposed to guard?
Here.
My old prescription
swim goggles.
Before I got lasered.
My eyes were pretty bad.
They, they might be close.
Wow.
I didn't expect this from you.
Well,
guess I've matured
since I started dating that...
Even I'm getting
tired of saying that.
No, no, I'm not. My doctor!
I have a doctor.
It's not my fault
that my parents are jerks, okay?
I have always taken your side.
Please, give me back
my dress so I can
get married and get away
from these awful people.
Don't I deserve to be happy?
- Hey!
- Crap!
Run, Danny, run!
Get the dress. Get the dress.
Out of the way, clown!
No, Danny!
Don't let them shoot my dress!
Danny! No!
Skobo, you okay?
Go, man. Save the dress.
Thanks, Skobo.
Hey.
Earn it.
I'm so cold.
And after the ceremony,
we will move 40 folding
chairs into the tent.
Any questions?
All right. Go!
Francis, how are we coming
on those extra tables?
Copy that. And we're gonna need
to break into our
emergency pâté reserve.
You wh-what?
Who eats three pounds
of pâté in one day?
All right.
No more complaining
to me about your gout.
Thank God, she's back.
Yes, of course. I'm gonna
have to work twice as hard
to fix everything she's doing.
So what's happening
with the neighbors?
Well, it's been quiet,
but that means nothing.
I just saw those kids
filling up bags with dog poo.
Something's brewing.
There's no end to this.
I mean, it's... It's getting so I don't
remember who started it anymore.
It was me, dude.
Hold on.
I know how to make this right.
You're a lot prettier
than I remember.
It's all over.
Everything's gonna be
great for the wedding, honey.
Honey?
I hate my dress.
Who tracked paint
into this kitchen?
Lorna!
She missed me, Francis.
She really did.
Lorna!