Big Day (2006–2007): Season 1, Episode 2 - The World According to Garf - full transcript
Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
My contact lenses!
- I drank your contacts?
- I am legally blind without my glasses!
You know you can
still back out of it, right?
What?
It's just, it's so good to...
How is this whimsical?
Well...
Tiny pomegranates,
those are awfully fun.
You will never see this again.
I don't think you're
back far enough.
Why does this have
to happen to me?
Great news.
You'll both be relieved to know
that the mojito
bar can do mango.
And our photographer
was hit by a small truck,
and the chair covers are here.
Yay!
What, hit by a truck?
You know, I-I'm sure,
in some culture,
that's good luck on
your wedding day.
Well, I hope he's okay.
Hello?
Hey, Dad.
Dad?
Dad, stop dialing. I'm here.
I'm here...
He hung up. Though
he probably doesn't know it yet.
I can't wait for
him to get here.
Because then it's really gonna
start feeling like my wedding day.
We're all gonna be a family.
Go for Garf.
Hey, Dad.
Danny!
Such a coincidence.
I was just calling for you.
That always seems
to happen to us, Dad.
I should be there
in a few minutes,
depending on the headwinds.
The headwinds?
Yeah! Just biked in from Maine.
Great adventures, Danny.
I brought you and Alice a leaf
from every state along the way.
Well, they're all maples.
But hey, don't want to
use up all my stories?
Garf out...
...He's got presents.
It's gonna be great.
Steve, I just hung up your tuxedo
in the laundry room to be pressed.
So, the photographer died?
No, he did not die,
although he might as well have
for all the help he's been
finding a replacement.
It's just a broken femur.
Fortunately,
a fuzzy recall of the accident.
Certainly nothing that
would hold up in court.
Update.
The Ruppart-Chenoweth wedding
has every photographer
in the county on retainer.
But...
I had a really fun idea.
We rent a photo booth.
Everyone can cram in
and take funny pictures.
You know?
It's fun!
Okay, I'll keep looking.
Well, I can take the pictures.
That's a great idea.
Freddy's a fantastic
photographer.
He won an award in school and...
Actually, he couldn't afford
a model, so he used me.
We made a really good team.
I think that's a great idea.
Well, we are desperate.
Thank you, Freddy.
So, we still playing
touch football or what?
Yeah, definitely.
Steve, are you in?
And risk getting injured on
my daughter's wedding day?
I don't think so, Danny.
All right, all right.
You're gonna miss a great game.
So I guess we get to have
breakfast together after all.
That's probably my dad.
Boy. "The Garf" is here.
Daddy, be nice,
and put away your air quotes.
Yeah, I mean, honestly, Steve.
Like, it's all me.
Yes. You...
When you met the Garf
you wouldn't even shake his hand.
How could I?
The man was on stilts.
All right.
Just try to be pleasant.
I'm always pleasant.
Yeah.
A hearty mavsa to you all!
Mavsa!!
Mavsa!
Mavsa!
That is Inuit for
"congratulations."
Well, actually, it's not.
What it really means is "snowdrift
overhang, ready to fall."
But I never really learned
how to say congratulations,
so I just say "mavsa."
Look, Jane, the Garf rode
a bike to his son's wedding.
- Dad.
- Yeah.
- You're all sweaty.
- Yeah, reeking.
Yeah.!
Where are my manners? Here I am,
I'm hugging everyone
with a sweaty, stinky shirt.
I am so sorry.
You mind if I do some laundry?
The only clean thing
I have left is my wedding kilt.
Kilt?
Did you hear that, Jane?
Well, I think it's just great that he wants
to celebrate his Scottish heritage.
I'm not Scottish.
Does anyone want
to throw in any darks?
Jane?
I don't want to alarm anyone,
but since I've lost my sight,
I have a heightened sense of smell.
And I know for a fact
there is something on fire.
It's electrical.
It's in the wall.
It's coming from upstairs.
We're ripping some Robustos.
Sweet. Set me up.
I need one after
the morning I had.
The,
the older sister I slept with?
She just keeps talking.
I think her name is Becca...
Becca?
Thanks, man.
God! She is so clingy
and needy and desperate.
Skobo...
Freddy, you have got to tell me
about that Canadian model you dated?
Is she hot? Is she dirty?
Those Canadian chicks are dirty.
God!
That's some good coffee.
So how's the dry ice business?
I got out of the dry ice game.
Too competitive.
No.
I bred show cats for a while,
did a little hand modeling,
but I think I found
my true life's calling
massage therapy.
Yeah. It seems that these babies
are good for something more
than just holding breath mints.
Hey, Dad,
do you remember the talk we had?
About shifting jobs so much?
No,
I meant the other talk about...
You and Alice's parents?
Right...
Yeah, like the kilt thing.
You know,
Dad... We rented you a tux.
Danny. No, please!
Anything but that.
You know I hate
wearing a monkey suit.
That is not us.
We are skirt guys.
You gotta help me out here.
You know, these are
tense people on a tense day.
Say no more.
Okay,
who wants the first massage?
Come on.
I know it's a tense day.
So let these
nearly-licensed hands,
which you may recognize from
a certain Band-Aid commercial,
change all of that?
You know what? Great idea.
Jane...
You love massages.
- I don't know.
- Go ahead. It'll be fun.
And I do love fun, but you know,
I just... I have a million things to do.
There's plenty of time.
You've got Lorna.
Look at you, Steve,
coming up with all the answers.
Come on, don't be shy.
Have fun.
What do you think?
Well, your dad was inappropriate,
my dad was hostile,
and my mom was
passive-aggressive.
A lot better than Christmas.
You seem a little lost.
- Here, let me help you.
- Please, I am fine.
Hey, look, you know,
don't worry. I get it.
It was a one-night stand.
I'm over it.
I was just...
just trying to help you.
All right. I can't seem to
get the bathroom door open.
That's 'cause the
bathroom's over this way.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- This way?
- To the right.
All right.
I'm so... No, I'm sorry.
Actually, I meant my right.
That's okay. Yeah, yeah.
That's my right.
- Okay, now, um, straight.
- Okay.
- No, straight this way.
- That one hurt.
Yeah, here.
Man, you really need my help.
Thank you.
- You're very kind to help.
- No, I'm happy to do it.
That was nice. Thank you.
My, my, my!
You are a fidgety fig,
aren't you?
Now just relax.
Let all that stress fly
south for the winter.
Okay. Now where were we?
Yeah.
Now...
This spot here is
your stomach point.
And this point here, I believe
is your kidney point.
And you know,
I'm not really sure
what this spot is connected to,
but it really seems
to make people relax.
That's right.
Just take all of that tension,
put it in a blender,
hit "puree" and serve it
up as a summer soup.
You know...
A lot of people think reflexology
is a bunch of hoo-hah,
but I swear by it.
I had a lower GI issue, which
we won't go into right now.
I went to the reflexologist,
and it changed my life,
and now, it is my life.
Mavsa!
You're welcome.
There you are.
So, um,
just a skosh of bad news here.
It appears that they have
misspelled Alice's name
on the guest book.
God! Those idiots!
I could just rip
their faces off.
Danny and Allison.
Everyone's gonna get a kick
out of that, don't you think?
Are you all right?
Lorna...
Come and sit down.
I realize that I know
nothing about you.
Well, remember you said you didn't
want to know anything about me?
Come on.
Now tell me what
makes Lorna tick?
Well, um,
I have a wide
sticker collection,
and, um,
I paint clowns with a group.
I make jewelry but,
not the kind that people wear,
and,
I'm afraid of jumper cables.
But anyway, so, so...
The guest book.
It's okay if I put
it out like that?
Hey, just...
ask the bride if she minds.
Well, Allison is busy...
I'm always doing that.
Alice is busy getting a
massage from the Garf.
What?
He told me to call him that.
No!
Okay. I won't.
And this spot is your kidney.
All right, just stop it.
Stop it. Right now!
Mom, what are you doing?
You are being so rude.
Step.
Step.
Step.!
What are you doing?
You're ruining the only relaxing
moment I've had all day.
You don't need that
kind of relaxation.
Okay, you know what?
I'm going back in there.
No,
you are not going back there.
Why?
Because I don't want
you to have an orgasm.
- Ever?
- No!
The Garf pushed
a button on my foot
and gave me an orgasm.
Wow.
Good thing Steve
didn't hear her say that.
You know, in the "things to look out
for" section in the bridal magazine,
not one mentioned
accidental in-law foot sex.
Well, hey, come on.
If your mom could keep
her feet in her shoes...
Come on, Steve.
It was nothing. It was... a
silly, inadvertent orgasm.
I just wanna know one thing.
Was it...
Was it what?
Better?
Different.
Different how?
Better.!
But, ew, the Garf! I mean...
- Ew.
- "Ew"?
What is that, Inuit for "more"?
All right,
what do you want from me, Steve?
I want you to tell me
that you didn't enjoy it.
And would that
make you feel better?
- Yes.
- I didn't enjoy it.
Liar!
All right, ladies,
time to sack up.
The game is football.
Throw me the ball.
Throw me the ball.
Dan, throw me the ball,
all right.
Don't make me come over
there and have to grab it.
What are you wearing?
Becca gave me some
of Steve's workout clothes.
It's nice to see that
Steve is comfortable
with his feminine side.
Are these sequins?
Becca's been punking
you all morning, dude.
No, she hasn't.
She's been helping me.
Son of a...
I'm fine.
That's my bad.
I'm sorry about that.
Sorry, ma'am.
- Chair.
- Yeah, right.
You!
And to think, I thought you were
actually trying to help me.
The stairs, the furniture...
And was that even the bathroom?
What the hell is wrong with you?
I don't know, I...
I guess I'm just needy,
clingy, desperate.
- What else did you call me?
- I didn't say that.
Dude, I lit your cigar.
I was standing right
there when you said it.
Fine, okay. I said it.
But the important thing is
I never meant for you to hear it.
I'm sure you said a lot of awful
things about me behind my back.
It wasn't behind my back.
But it was supposed to be.
Look...
I know I come off as a sweet,
sensitive guy,
but I'm not.
I'm selfish, I'm arrogant,
I lie to get what I want,
and I'm okay with that.
I just... I can't pretend
that we're in love.
Love? Who's talking about love?
Look, I used you just
as much as you used me.
All I ask is that you give me just
a basic level of common courtesy.
And you don't think
that sounds clingy?
Floor.
We need to make some
changes to the seating chart.
Change...
Change the seating chart?
Yes, the seating chart. I'd like
to move someone from my table.
But the seating chart is locked.
Well, unlock it.
But you and Alice
both agreed that if
there ever came a day
when you asked me to
unlock the seating chart,
I was supposed to say no.
Great. Job well done, Lorna.
Now, please,
move the Garf to another table.
Okay, okay.
Up, up, Dad.
All right, let's play.
- I thought you didn't want to.
- Let's play.
Hey, great. Great.
Hike the ball!
God! My shoulder!
Look what you did to me!
Hey, let me rub it out for you.
Now don't you touch me,
you kilt-wearing freak.
Danny,
what'd the Garf do to my Dad?
Your father creamed
my dad with the ball.
Do you blame him
after what your dad did?
That wasn't his fault.
You know what, Danny?
I hate to say it, but ever
since your dad got here,
it's been just one
problem after another.
I mean, he's a sweet man, but...
But what?
But he's ruining our wedding.
No. No, no, no.
This wedding was a disaster
way before my dad got here
because of your crazy parents.
Excuse me, my parents didn't
bike down from Maine in a kilt
and give my mother an o-bomb.
No! Because that would be fun.
And your parents like to
suck the fun out of everything.
Are you the Garfinkels?
What? No.
I'm looking for Alice
and Danny Garfinkel.
My God.
That is us!
Someone's excited
to get their package.
No, no, no, I mean...
We.
Are the Garfinkels.
Good for you.
Could you sign, please?
No, no, what she means
is that you're the first person
to call us that, you know?
We're the Garfinkels.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Look, this is kind of heavy.
Danny, we can't let
our parents do this to us.
- Yeah.
- We can't force them to be a family, but
it doesn't mean we can't
have our own family, right?
You know, I've got a family.
Right. Sorry.
- Now, I'm gonna do it. Today!
- I'm sorry, okay?
Shh! Let me do the talking.
Alice, honey
there was a bit
of a seating snafu,
and when the dust settled
unfortunately, the Garf
was no longer at our table.
Really?
Darn it.
You mean the family table?
Well, I don't know that it
was officially the family table,
but, yes, the table where
the entire family is seated.
So you unlocked
the seating chart?
Well, again,
I think "unlocked" is
a bit dramatic.
- How did you get the codes?
- No, it's fine.
You know what? If they don't
feel comfortable with him,
they don't feel
comfortable with him.
No!
No, they can't just move
your dad from the family table.
It's not right.
And it's right that he gave
your mother a "happy ending"?
Excuse me, everyone.
Wow.
Look, I am so sorry,
but I think we got off
on the wrong foot here.
No,
Jane got off on the wrong foot.
The last thing I wanna do
is to upset the harmony
of this wonderful day.
You see,
when Danny's mother left,
it was just the two of us.
I mean, I moved us around
quite a bit, but it was...
It was not exactly a
very stable home life.
But when Danny found Alice,
and then you, Jane...
And Steve...
You welcomed him
into this
lovely family.
It's the first time my son had
a place he could call home.
And the very least I can do
is to try my best to fit in.
Look at you.
You look so handsome.
I'm just gonna go get
Freddy to take a picture.
Thanks.
Where'd you get that tux?
Laundry room.
- That's my tux.
- Really?
It seems like it
was made for me.
Okay, Francis,
the seating chart is unlocked.
Commencing rearrange.
Hey, sweetie, I hate to put
another thing on your plate
when you have so many
things to decide, but, um,
it's either me or Skobo
in this wedding.
What?
Well, these are great of Danny
but where are the rest of them?
This is it, so far.
Don't worry.
Danny and I are gonna go take
plenty more by the oak tree.
Lorna!
Table one highlighted, and now
moving guest five over...
Lorna!
No!
No, no, no, no, no!
Undo!
Undo!
Undo, damn it!
Why aren't you undoing?
I'm fine either way.
Just let me know.
Francis,
I just lost the seating chart.
Repeat...
All is lost.
My contact lenses!
- I drank your contacts?
- I am legally blind without my glasses!
You know you can
still back out of it, right?
What?
It's just, it's so good to...
How is this whimsical?
Well...
Tiny pomegranates,
those are awfully fun.
You will never see this again.
I don't think you're
back far enough.
Why does this have
to happen to me?
Great news.
You'll both be relieved to know
that the mojito
bar can do mango.
And our photographer
was hit by a small truck,
and the chair covers are here.
Yay!
What, hit by a truck?
You know, I-I'm sure,
in some culture,
that's good luck on
your wedding day.
Well, I hope he's okay.
Hello?
Hey, Dad.
Dad?
Dad, stop dialing. I'm here.
I'm here...
He hung up. Though
he probably doesn't know it yet.
I can't wait for
him to get here.
Because then it's really gonna
start feeling like my wedding day.
We're all gonna be a family.
Go for Garf.
Hey, Dad.
Danny!
Such a coincidence.
I was just calling for you.
That always seems
to happen to us, Dad.
I should be there
in a few minutes,
depending on the headwinds.
The headwinds?
Yeah! Just biked in from Maine.
Great adventures, Danny.
I brought you and Alice a leaf
from every state along the way.
Well, they're all maples.
But hey, don't want to
use up all my stories?
Garf out...
...He's got presents.
It's gonna be great.
Steve, I just hung up your tuxedo
in the laundry room to be pressed.
So, the photographer died?
No, he did not die,
although he might as well have
for all the help he's been
finding a replacement.
It's just a broken femur.
Fortunately,
a fuzzy recall of the accident.
Certainly nothing that
would hold up in court.
Update.
The Ruppart-Chenoweth wedding
has every photographer
in the county on retainer.
But...
I had a really fun idea.
We rent a photo booth.
Everyone can cram in
and take funny pictures.
You know?
It's fun!
Okay, I'll keep looking.
Well, I can take the pictures.
That's a great idea.
Freddy's a fantastic
photographer.
He won an award in school and...
Actually, he couldn't afford
a model, so he used me.
We made a really good team.
I think that's a great idea.
Well, we are desperate.
Thank you, Freddy.
So, we still playing
touch football or what?
Yeah, definitely.
Steve, are you in?
And risk getting injured on
my daughter's wedding day?
I don't think so, Danny.
All right, all right.
You're gonna miss a great game.
So I guess we get to have
breakfast together after all.
That's probably my dad.
Boy. "The Garf" is here.
Daddy, be nice,
and put away your air quotes.
Yeah, I mean, honestly, Steve.
Like, it's all me.
Yes. You...
When you met the Garf
you wouldn't even shake his hand.
How could I?
The man was on stilts.
All right.
Just try to be pleasant.
I'm always pleasant.
Yeah.
A hearty mavsa to you all!
Mavsa!!
Mavsa!
Mavsa!
That is Inuit for
"congratulations."
Well, actually, it's not.
What it really means is "snowdrift
overhang, ready to fall."
But I never really learned
how to say congratulations,
so I just say "mavsa."
Look, Jane, the Garf rode
a bike to his son's wedding.
- Dad.
- Yeah.
- You're all sweaty.
- Yeah, reeking.
Yeah.!
Where are my manners? Here I am,
I'm hugging everyone
with a sweaty, stinky shirt.
I am so sorry.
You mind if I do some laundry?
The only clean thing
I have left is my wedding kilt.
Kilt?
Did you hear that, Jane?
Well, I think it's just great that he wants
to celebrate his Scottish heritage.
I'm not Scottish.
Does anyone want
to throw in any darks?
Jane?
I don't want to alarm anyone,
but since I've lost my sight,
I have a heightened sense of smell.
And I know for a fact
there is something on fire.
It's electrical.
It's in the wall.
It's coming from upstairs.
We're ripping some Robustos.
Sweet. Set me up.
I need one after
the morning I had.
The,
the older sister I slept with?
She just keeps talking.
I think her name is Becca...
Becca?
Thanks, man.
God! She is so clingy
and needy and desperate.
Skobo...
Freddy, you have got to tell me
about that Canadian model you dated?
Is she hot? Is she dirty?
Those Canadian chicks are dirty.
God!
That's some good coffee.
So how's the dry ice business?
I got out of the dry ice game.
Too competitive.
No.
I bred show cats for a while,
did a little hand modeling,
but I think I found
my true life's calling
massage therapy.
Yeah. It seems that these babies
are good for something more
than just holding breath mints.
Hey, Dad,
do you remember the talk we had?
About shifting jobs so much?
No,
I meant the other talk about...
You and Alice's parents?
Right...
Yeah, like the kilt thing.
You know,
Dad... We rented you a tux.
Danny. No, please!
Anything but that.
You know I hate
wearing a monkey suit.
That is not us.
We are skirt guys.
You gotta help me out here.
You know, these are
tense people on a tense day.
Say no more.
Okay,
who wants the first massage?
Come on.
I know it's a tense day.
So let these
nearly-licensed hands,
which you may recognize from
a certain Band-Aid commercial,
change all of that?
You know what? Great idea.
Jane...
You love massages.
- I don't know.
- Go ahead. It'll be fun.
And I do love fun, but you know,
I just... I have a million things to do.
There's plenty of time.
You've got Lorna.
Look at you, Steve,
coming up with all the answers.
Come on, don't be shy.
Have fun.
What do you think?
Well, your dad was inappropriate,
my dad was hostile,
and my mom was
passive-aggressive.
A lot better than Christmas.
You seem a little lost.
- Here, let me help you.
- Please, I am fine.
Hey, look, you know,
don't worry. I get it.
It was a one-night stand.
I'm over it.
I was just...
just trying to help you.
All right. I can't seem to
get the bathroom door open.
That's 'cause the
bathroom's over this way.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- This way?
- To the right.
All right.
I'm so... No, I'm sorry.
Actually, I meant my right.
That's okay. Yeah, yeah.
That's my right.
- Okay, now, um, straight.
- Okay.
- No, straight this way.
- That one hurt.
Yeah, here.
Man, you really need my help.
Thank you.
- You're very kind to help.
- No, I'm happy to do it.
That was nice. Thank you.
My, my, my!
You are a fidgety fig,
aren't you?
Now just relax.
Let all that stress fly
south for the winter.
Okay. Now where were we?
Yeah.
Now...
This spot here is
your stomach point.
And this point here, I believe
is your kidney point.
And you know,
I'm not really sure
what this spot is connected to,
but it really seems
to make people relax.
That's right.
Just take all of that tension,
put it in a blender,
hit "puree" and serve it
up as a summer soup.
You know...
A lot of people think reflexology
is a bunch of hoo-hah,
but I swear by it.
I had a lower GI issue, which
we won't go into right now.
I went to the reflexologist,
and it changed my life,
and now, it is my life.
Mavsa!
You're welcome.
There you are.
So, um,
just a skosh of bad news here.
It appears that they have
misspelled Alice's name
on the guest book.
God! Those idiots!
I could just rip
their faces off.
Danny and Allison.
Everyone's gonna get a kick
out of that, don't you think?
Are you all right?
Lorna...
Come and sit down.
I realize that I know
nothing about you.
Well, remember you said you didn't
want to know anything about me?
Come on.
Now tell me what
makes Lorna tick?
Well, um,
I have a wide
sticker collection,
and, um,
I paint clowns with a group.
I make jewelry but,
not the kind that people wear,
and,
I'm afraid of jumper cables.
But anyway, so, so...
The guest book.
It's okay if I put
it out like that?
Hey, just...
ask the bride if she minds.
Well, Allison is busy...
I'm always doing that.
Alice is busy getting a
massage from the Garf.
What?
He told me to call him that.
No!
Okay. I won't.
And this spot is your kidney.
All right, just stop it.
Stop it. Right now!
Mom, what are you doing?
You are being so rude.
Step.
Step.
Step.!
What are you doing?
You're ruining the only relaxing
moment I've had all day.
You don't need that
kind of relaxation.
Okay, you know what?
I'm going back in there.
No,
you are not going back there.
Why?
Because I don't want
you to have an orgasm.
- Ever?
- No!
The Garf pushed
a button on my foot
and gave me an orgasm.
Wow.
Good thing Steve
didn't hear her say that.
You know, in the "things to look out
for" section in the bridal magazine,
not one mentioned
accidental in-law foot sex.
Well, hey, come on.
If your mom could keep
her feet in her shoes...
Come on, Steve.
It was nothing. It was... a
silly, inadvertent orgasm.
I just wanna know one thing.
Was it...
Was it what?
Better?
Different.
Different how?
Better.!
But, ew, the Garf! I mean...
- Ew.
- "Ew"?
What is that, Inuit for "more"?
All right,
what do you want from me, Steve?
I want you to tell me
that you didn't enjoy it.
And would that
make you feel better?
- Yes.
- I didn't enjoy it.
Liar!
All right, ladies,
time to sack up.
The game is football.
Throw me the ball.
Throw me the ball.
Dan, throw me the ball,
all right.
Don't make me come over
there and have to grab it.
What are you wearing?
Becca gave me some
of Steve's workout clothes.
It's nice to see that
Steve is comfortable
with his feminine side.
Are these sequins?
Becca's been punking
you all morning, dude.
No, she hasn't.
She's been helping me.
Son of a...
I'm fine.
That's my bad.
I'm sorry about that.
Sorry, ma'am.
- Chair.
- Yeah, right.
You!
And to think, I thought you were
actually trying to help me.
The stairs, the furniture...
And was that even the bathroom?
What the hell is wrong with you?
I don't know, I...
I guess I'm just needy,
clingy, desperate.
- What else did you call me?
- I didn't say that.
Dude, I lit your cigar.
I was standing right
there when you said it.
Fine, okay. I said it.
But the important thing is
I never meant for you to hear it.
I'm sure you said a lot of awful
things about me behind my back.
It wasn't behind my back.
But it was supposed to be.
Look...
I know I come off as a sweet,
sensitive guy,
but I'm not.
I'm selfish, I'm arrogant,
I lie to get what I want,
and I'm okay with that.
I just... I can't pretend
that we're in love.
Love? Who's talking about love?
Look, I used you just
as much as you used me.
All I ask is that you give me just
a basic level of common courtesy.
And you don't think
that sounds clingy?
Floor.
We need to make some
changes to the seating chart.
Change...
Change the seating chart?
Yes, the seating chart. I'd like
to move someone from my table.
But the seating chart is locked.
Well, unlock it.
But you and Alice
both agreed that if
there ever came a day
when you asked me to
unlock the seating chart,
I was supposed to say no.
Great. Job well done, Lorna.
Now, please,
move the Garf to another table.
Okay, okay.
Up, up, Dad.
All right, let's play.
- I thought you didn't want to.
- Let's play.
Hey, great. Great.
Hike the ball!
God! My shoulder!
Look what you did to me!
Hey, let me rub it out for you.
Now don't you touch me,
you kilt-wearing freak.
Danny,
what'd the Garf do to my Dad?
Your father creamed
my dad with the ball.
Do you blame him
after what your dad did?
That wasn't his fault.
You know what, Danny?
I hate to say it, but ever
since your dad got here,
it's been just one
problem after another.
I mean, he's a sweet man, but...
But what?
But he's ruining our wedding.
No. No, no, no.
This wedding was a disaster
way before my dad got here
because of your crazy parents.
Excuse me, my parents didn't
bike down from Maine in a kilt
and give my mother an o-bomb.
No! Because that would be fun.
And your parents like to
suck the fun out of everything.
Are you the Garfinkels?
What? No.
I'm looking for Alice
and Danny Garfinkel.
My God.
That is us!
Someone's excited
to get their package.
No, no, no, I mean...
We.
Are the Garfinkels.
Good for you.
Could you sign, please?
No, no, what she means
is that you're the first person
to call us that, you know?
We're the Garfinkels.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Look, this is kind of heavy.
Danny, we can't let
our parents do this to us.
- Yeah.
- We can't force them to be a family, but
it doesn't mean we can't
have our own family, right?
You know, I've got a family.
Right. Sorry.
- Now, I'm gonna do it. Today!
- I'm sorry, okay?
Shh! Let me do the talking.
Alice, honey
there was a bit
of a seating snafu,
and when the dust settled
unfortunately, the Garf
was no longer at our table.
Really?
Darn it.
You mean the family table?
Well, I don't know that it
was officially the family table,
but, yes, the table where
the entire family is seated.
So you unlocked
the seating chart?
Well, again,
I think "unlocked" is
a bit dramatic.
- How did you get the codes?
- No, it's fine.
You know what? If they don't
feel comfortable with him,
they don't feel
comfortable with him.
No!
No, they can't just move
your dad from the family table.
It's not right.
And it's right that he gave
your mother a "happy ending"?
Excuse me, everyone.
Wow.
Look, I am so sorry,
but I think we got off
on the wrong foot here.
No,
Jane got off on the wrong foot.
The last thing I wanna do
is to upset the harmony
of this wonderful day.
You see,
when Danny's mother left,
it was just the two of us.
I mean, I moved us around
quite a bit, but it was...
It was not exactly a
very stable home life.
But when Danny found Alice,
and then you, Jane...
And Steve...
You welcomed him
into this
lovely family.
It's the first time my son had
a place he could call home.
And the very least I can do
is to try my best to fit in.
Look at you.
You look so handsome.
I'm just gonna go get
Freddy to take a picture.
Thanks.
Where'd you get that tux?
Laundry room.
- That's my tux.
- Really?
It seems like it
was made for me.
Okay, Francis,
the seating chart is unlocked.
Commencing rearrange.
Hey, sweetie, I hate to put
another thing on your plate
when you have so many
things to decide, but, um,
it's either me or Skobo
in this wedding.
What?
Well, these are great of Danny
but where are the rest of them?
This is it, so far.
Don't worry.
Danny and I are gonna go take
plenty more by the oak tree.
Lorna!
Table one highlighted, and now
moving guest five over...
Lorna!
No!
No, no, no, no, no!
Undo!
Undo!
Undo, damn it!
Why aren't you undoing?
I'm fine either way.
Just let me know.
Francis,
I just lost the seating chart.
Repeat...
All is lost.