Big Day (2006–2007): Season 1, Episode 13 - The $10,000 Gift - full transcript

I don't think you should
marry this guy.

What?

I think he might
be ruining your life.

You know you can
still back out of it, right?

What?

Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait.

My... My contact lenses.

- I drank your contacts?
- I am legally blind without my glasses!

How you doing, man? I'm Johnny.

Hey! How are you?
Nice to meet you.

Man!
The things I used to do to her.



What did you say about me?

You still work at a summer camp!

Whoo!

It was supposed
to be Caesar salad.

It's too late.
There's another wedding.

Basically, they are using
all the romaine in the county.

I hate you!

Steve!

Your daughter has locked herself

in the bathroom
with a head of lettuce.

Danny, all right,
we have a crisis here.

We've got to get these
women out of the bathroom.

Danny and I should
have just eloped.

And deprive me
of this magical day?



Don't be such a drama queen.

How dare you call
me a drama queen!

Can you believe the
morning we've had?

I blinded you,
almost got you knocked out.

Guess I'm bad news?

Could you do me a favor, please?

- Hell, yeah!
- Could you get off my foot?

Yeah. Right.

- Jane.
- Steve, what are you doing?

You have got to get your daughter
out of the bathroom.

Makes you wonder where
she learned this kind of behavior.

Don't you drag
my mother into this!

Just get Alice out.

What should I do?

Offer her a pony?

Steve, she's not 12.

Well,
I already bought her a car.

Guess I could have it detailed.

Instead of trying to
buy your way out of this,

maybe you should
try being a father.

Right.

Ten thousand dollars?

It's your wedding present.

I'm only sorry your mother couldn't
be here to share this moment.

Look, Daddy...

I appreciate everything
you have given me.

But Danny and I are
starting a new life together.

We're gonna have
to pay our own way.

- With what?
- We'll figure it out.

We're not the kind of people
who care about money.

Where would you like
me to put the caviar heart?

I don't know.

Put it by the truffle station,
Larry.

We are simple people, Daddy.

Thanks anyway.

Danny, if you need
help getting Alice out,

I've always been pretty good
at getting her to do things.

Thanks, Johnny.
I'll keep that in mind.

You know what!

I'll open the doors, okay?

Skobo, what are you doing?

Danny,
I have a lot of experience

with angry women locking
themselves in bathrooms.

Girlfriends, mothers,
the head nun.

The point is, I can do this.

Just let me handle it.

If someone could just point
me in the right direction.

This way, Magoo.

Which do you prefer for
the Jordan almond sachets?

I... I would pick for myself
except your, your wife...

I'm scared.!

This is just not a big deal.

What's not a big deal?

Picking ribbons
to wrap peanuts in.

Jordan almonds.

It's a good friend
of the peanut.

- Easily mistaken.
- Here, this one.

Teal? Teal it is.

I'm not so sure 'cause
the Tiffany Blue really pops.

Teal.

I already picked teal.

Not loving the teal.

Maybe we'll wait for the
women to just come out.

Screw it. Just put 'em in bowls.

Bowls!

Are you insane?

Lorna, we are going
with the burnt sienna.

Where is that photographer?

And look!
We're missing a melon ball.

People, come on, now.
We can do this.

Will you stop acting...

Alice, Mom's out.

You won. You can come out now.

Please! Let's focus!

Dammit!

Well, we tried.

Who's up for a movie?

Skobo, is she locked in?

Danny, she was locked in.
Now, she's just trapped.

You know,
I'm not happy about this either.

I used to be the guy, man!

And now, I'm just the blind guy.

Don't talk like that, baby.
You are still the guy.

Still the guy.

Look alive, Lorna.
We got a lot to do.

Blue bird locked in bathroom.

Wolverine is running wild.

Call a locksmith.
Repeat. Call a locksmith.

I was just calling.

Wolverine...

Mrs. Hopkins is on that.

I'm assuming that
with Alice indisposed,

you will be the final
decision maker on everything.

Well, I don't want to
impose her big day but...

Well, we'll just have to do the best
we can until she gets out, okay?

Yeah. Yeah.

Hi, this is Mrs. Hopkins at
661 Meadow Brook Lane.

I have an emergency here.

My daughter is
locked in the bathroom.

At the tone, the time will
be 8:41 and ten seconds.

Good! Good!

And please hurry.

At the tone, the time will...!

Thank you.
You have a lovely voice too.

At the tone...

Your dad offered us a check?

How much was it?

It doesn't matter.
I turned him down.

We don't need his money.

- Right?
- I don't know.

I never really thought about it.
I mean, we don't

have money.

But we're gonna be okay.

- Right?
- Sure.

One thing I'm proud
of one way or another,

I've always managed to
make it paycheck to paycheck.

Of course,
now there's gonna be two of us.

That's a good point.

I guess we've never had
the money talk before?

Okay. Let's have it now.

- Okay.
- Okay.

So...

I think between,
what, the two of us,

I'd say we get about
$2,000 a month.

So, how much is your rent?

Two thousand

five hundred.

Okay.

So that was the money talk.

I love you.

Love you.

Hey, hey,
any word on the locksmith?

I paid that guy a fortune to
change all the locks in the house

last time Jane fired the maid.

He'll be here.

Hey, I hate to keep
bringing this up, Steve,

but I'm still curious.

What exactly did
you say about me?

To Alice.

You know, the thing
Jane said made her upset.

You said we'd
talk about it later.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, yeah.
Later sounds like a good idea.

No, It's just,
you know, it's just that

Alice seemed really upset.

Well, you know,
brides and weddings. Hey!

Here's something I wanted to do.

I wanted to give you guys

your wedding present.

I... you know what?

Thank you so much.

But Alice and I,
we talked about that,

and we both decided that
it wasn't a good idea to

$10,000!

Yeah.

I had no idea we didn't
need this much money.

I hope you'll accept it.

It would mean a lot to me.

Yes, this is so generous of you.
Thanks!

So, do we... do we hug now?

- Not really necessary.
- Okay.

Stressful day?

You wanna go to the gym?
Maybe take a steam?

You know, my bride's kind
of locked in the bathroom.

- Of course. No. Go.
- Yeah.

Go. Do.

We'll go later.

You didn't tell me
it was $10,000.

But I thought that we agreed
not to take Daddy's money.

I know, but let's face it.

Honey, I love being a camp
director, but to be honest,

many of the leaders
in my field live in vans.

We can make it on our own.

I mean...

I know that my Donna Karan
internship doesn't bring in much.

It doesn't bring in anything.

Thank you, Danny,
for clarifying that.

We don't have to

spend it right now.

I mean, we can... we can...
We can invest it for our kids.

Alice?

I'm sorry, I just...

I loved hearing
you say our kids.

Well, hell, yeah!
Let's do it for the kids.

Really?

Yeah, the kids, you know. I mean,
they're gonna need stuff, too.

Like rent.
They're gonna be living with us.

You have to decide.

Danny,

I trust you completely.

But listen, whatever you do,

sweetie, please,
don't screw up our lives

and make a mockery
of our marriage. Okay, hun?

Okay.

No one touches that food.

I just want everything to
be perfect for the pictures.

Which reminds me, why aren't
you wearing that sweater set

I laid out for you?

I'm just worried about
Alice's blood sugar.

I mean...

Unless you want her dragging
an IV cart down the aisle.

Okay, all right. All right.

You can take your sister one
pancake and one sausage.

From the middle.

Took me an hour to get that
parsley-cucumber edging just right.

Ew...

It's all squished and hairy.

Too bad. Mine's really good.

So, what's Mom up to?

Well, you know,
just hanging out.

No. No.

She's totally
plotting against you.

When the photographer gets here,
I just wanna make the breakfast

very relaxed and casual.

Shall I practice my entrance?

Yes, but Alice really wanted...

Of course, Alice isn't here.

Planner.

Lorna, it's Alice.
Is my mother taking over?

Hi, Alice-son... Janney.

No, no, no, no.

- Well, maybe a little.
- Who is that?

It's Allison Janney

from television's West Wing.
She's a friend.

No personal phone calls.
You are working, Lorna.

Okay, whatever you do, don't
let her touch the seating chart.

We had that notarized.

She's already taken my Caesar salad.
We know what she's capable of.

Okay, so...

I think I'm going to make
my entrance from the garden.

Carrying fresh-cut flowers,
and that'll be your cue to...

- Lorna!
- Even though you're my friend,

I need to go because
I'm working right now

to make a mother
and daughter happy.

You're the daughter!

Where on earth is that photographer?
These eggs are getting crusty.

- I'll eat 'em.
- He's close. He's very, very close.

How's it going?

God!
I got a million things to do,

and of course Alice is no help.

Yeah, you know,
I called the locksmith

to find out what
was taking so long.

So, what did he say?

He said he never got a call.

But he was happy to come.

That is so weird.

That's my girl.

Locking your daughter in the
bathroom just to pick a ribbon color.

You know, her wedding would
be so much easier without her!

Did you know that
she wanted balloons?

- Balloons, Steve.
- I know, baby.

You know what
I love more than this?

When the locksmith gets here, you'll
still chew him out for being late.

Well, yeah!

Fair warning.
Since I lost my ability to see

my other senses have
picked up the slack.

- I know someone's there.
- Hey Skobo.

Hello, Jane.

It's Becca.

Hi, Becca.

I can't seem to get
my emails off the Blackberry.

- Yeah, that's the TV remote.
- Hey, guys.

Listen, I need your help
with something here.

So, Steve just gave Alice and me
$10,000 as a wedding gift,

and we don't know if
we should take it or not.

Ten thousand dollars?

Unbelievable!

You were right to come to me.
Sit.

All right, look,
you can't take that money, Dan,

unless you wanna be Steve's
bitch for the rest of your life.

Skobo, you're squishing me.

If you take that money, Dan,
Steve's gonna own your ass.

Is that what you want?
You wanna be his little poodle?

Jump up and lick his face. Maybe he'll
give you a little bath in the sink.

Yeah, that's fun. But you know
what, before you know it,

it's gonna be a trip down to the
vet's office for a little snip-snip.

It's not gonna be like that.

Or is it?

Tell him, Becca.

You've been awful quiet.

So Alice gets a huge wedding,
an amazing honeymoon,

- and now, $10,000.
- Okay.

I know you're upset that you're
not the one getting married.

No. I'm upset I'm not
the one getting $10,000.

Look, Becca,
when you get married...

And what if that day never
comes? I want my $10,000.

We can post it on
eHarmony as a reward.

Marry this woman
and get $10,000.

- You're hurt and...
- Yeah! You're damn right I'm hurt.

God! It's always Alice.

You have two daughters,
you know.

I know, I know.
I'm sorry. Would...

Would $5,000 help?

What, now you're negotiating?

- You're right, that's stupid.
- No, no. I'll take it.

Yeah?

Daddy.

That's my girl!

It's Becca, two C's.

Let me tell you what your life's
gonna be like if you take the check.

All right, Steve's car's in the shop. Guess
who's gonna have to drive him to work?

The game went into overtime?

Too bad! You gotta go to
Sunday dinner at the in-laws.

And just try growing that mustache
that you've been talking about,

which, by the way, is just
gonna underline that nose,

and nobody wants that.

He's not like that.

Is he?

That's the $10,000 question.

And the answer is yes.

Steve?

Listen, I've been thinking and

as generous as this is,
we can't take it.

It's just important to Alice
and me that we make it on our own.

So, thank you.

Well...

This couldn't have been
an easy decision for you.

You're a man of principle.

I admire that.

A man of principle
deserves $15,000.

- So, I talked to your father.
- Good.

Did you give him
back the $10,000?

Yes, I did.

I think we made
the right choice.

I know we made the right choice.

Fifteen thousand dollars?

- What happened?
- Love happened, Alice.

- Love.
- What?

When he upped his offer,
it finally dawned on me

that... money is the way
your father shows love.

And, boy,
does he love us, Alice!

That is a terrible thing to say,
Danny.

No! It's a great thing.

I mean, come on!
Look at your life.

My father does not buy my love.

I mean, sure, yeah, maybe he helps
me out with a few necessities.

My... work clothes,
my car and my horse.

And private schools in Europe,
Africa, China.

The summer you spent tanning.

Are you saying
that I am spoiled?

Of course you're spoiled.

I mean, you brought
your own bed to camp.

Alice?

Honey?

Are... are you thinking
about the kids?

My wedding is horrible.

The man I'm about to marry
has nothing but contempt for me.

I'm locked in the bathroom
on my wedding day.

And I have one head
of lettuce to feed 150 people.

No, no, no. Come on.
Don't cry. Don't...

Look, I don't,
I don't have contempt for you.

Isn't that Danny's car?

Where is Danny going?

Is Danny leaving?

Shh! Everyone!

There's a train heading north.

Good news.

The photographer has arrived.
We can eat.

- Those scones look great.
- Yeah, they're home-made, buttery and delicious,

but we can't eat yet.

Could you do me a favor? Just go outside
and take a few establishing shots of the house.

Thanks so much.

I am so sorry,
but we have to wait.

Danny has run off, and Alice
is still locked in the bathroom.

Why is that, Lorna?

Well, because...

Is this a trick question?

All right. Listen to me.

I need glossy
photos of my daughter

having a serene
country breakfast

surrounded by the people who love
her, and that is not happening.

- But I didn't...
- Lorna, Lorna.

Assess. Evaluate. React.

Okay. Okay.

I'm not crying.

Thank God!

My baby!
I was so worried about you.

So was I.

And you're here, too. Good.
Well, now we can eat.

I'll just go tell
the photographer.

Hey, you, come with me.
I wanna show you something.

Caesar salad... for 150.

Danny!

If anyone is gonna
spoil you from now on

it's gonna be me.

How did you get all...

The Ruppart-Chenoweth wedding.

The caterer drove
a hard bargain,

but I was determined
to do this for my wife.

And I wasn't gonna use
your daddy's money either.

So, it took all of my savings.

But I did it.

God!

How much?

Three hundred dollars.

Wow!

Looks like you made the
right decision about the check.

But then the $5,000
started feeling really weird.

And I was like,
"Why does this feel so weird?"

And then it came to me
like a bolt from the sky.

It's because he loves me
half as much as he loves Alice.

Finally, some clarity.

I got it!

Hey, you know that scene
at the end of The Graduate

when Dustin Hoffman takes off with
the bride right before the wedding?

You think that ever
really happens in real life?

Thanks for ruining
the movie for me.

You're supposed to say,
"Spoiler alert."

Make sure you get
the whole house.

I don't think you're
back far enough.

- My God!
- My leg!

Why does this have
to happen to me?

My leg! I think it's broken!

It's broken, all right.