Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 9 - Rembo/Dirt Jar - full transcript

Remy is determined to be a martial arts warrior after freezing in the face of danger; Cricket's missing dirt jar prompts the story of when the Greens left their country farm.


♪ One, two, one, two,
Three, four ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪


[chicken clucks]

Come on, Cricket! Come on, Vasquez!

The reptile house is this way!


Ahh! Okay. Have a nice nap.

Having fun at the zoo, bud?

You bet! The animal kingdom is brutal.

The predators and the prey--
the eaters and the eaten!

I personally like the ones that get eaten.

Ooh, like this one!

Hey, little guy...

- [snarls]
- Ahh!

Too scary! Too scary!

Don't worry, Master Remy, you're safe.

Yeah, Remy, he's supposed to do that.

This guy is small, and bigger
critters will try to get 'im.

So he uses his floopers to make
himself look big and scary!

Not gonna be scaring anybody

in that little glass box though, huh?

- [snarls]
- Ahh! Devil spawn!

La la la la la. Buh?


Ahh! My eyes!

I'll never blow up a balloon again!

Ah, yes, the most important
part of being a zookeeper...

closing the door!

- Oh.
- [growling]

Everyone run!

This way to Koala Canyon!

[both] What?


- [growling]
- Oh, my gosh... A hyena!

Stay here, boys.
Vasquez will take care of this.




Great work, Vasquez!

Ooh, should we get ice cream?

I don't think now's
the time for ice cream, bud!

Ah! Hyena! Run!


Remy, what are you doing?! Run!

I--I can't.

- [snarls]
- Ahh!

- [Vasquez grunts]
- [hyenas whimper]

Good riddance!

Sir, are you aware that you've just thrown

three extremely dangerous animals

over the wall into Big City?

All that matters now
is that Master Remy is safe.

Welp, thank corn for Vasquez, am I right?

Uh, Remy?

So... exciting day, huh, pal?

"Exciting"?! I almost got eaten today!

It was just like in the animal kingdom.

The eaters and the eaten,
the predators and the prey!

And I was the prey!

If Vasquez didn't swoop in
at the last second,

- I would've been a goner!
- Oh, hyena food for sure!

I guess you just never leave
Vasquez's side again.

He'll always protect you.

Mmm... No! I want to be able
to protect myself!

- Vasquez!
- Yes, Master Remy?

I need you to train me
in martial arts ASAP.

I'm sorry, Master Remy,
but I cannot train you.

What? Why not?!

Certain people are not cut out
for the martial arts.

We all have dreams that will never happen.

Forget them and move on.

Dang, I felt there was a
softer way to field that "no."

Welp, I'm hyena food.

Put me on a bun and serve me with relish.

Hey, cheer up, bud!

If you really wanna learn how to fight,

I think I know some people
who can teach ya...


Oh, hey, Cricket, Remy.
What can I make you guys?

You can make me a bloodthirsty warrior!

Is that like an Arnold Palmer?

Cricket says you can teach me Taekwondo.

And Gramma can teach ya
how to fight down and dirty.

Hey! Who's callin' me down and dirty?!

- Uh, me?
- Thank ya kindly for the compliment.

- So will you teach me?
- No.

This isn't some street fighting arena.

This is a place of business.

Come on, it's not like you're busy.

Tilly's your only customer right now!

You'd think that would mean
better service.

Gloria? Another refill?

I'm seein' the bottom of my cup here.

On second thought,

I'd be happy to teach you, Remy.

[gasps] Really?

And I wanna turn this little creamed corn

into a fightin' machine.

Heck, let's show all the kids

how to inflict pain on people!

[kids] Yay!

Okay, kids, eyes up here.

Today's lesson starts with
two very important skills.

First, scoop the beans.
Then, steam the milk.

Wait a minute, those are just
skills for makin' coffee!

No offense, Gloria, but I'm here to become
a martial artist,

not a cappuccino artist.

Trust me. If you just do what I say,

it'll pay off later.

Just watch closely.

Scooping the beans, and steaming the milk.

She's trying to put us to work!

Yeah, this is not what I didn't pay for!

[groans] Actually, I'm teaching
you the movements

that are the foundation of self-defense!

Haven't you guys seen any
martial arts movies?!

Let's do a demonstration.

Tilly, you've been paying
attention, come here.

To walk the path of the warrior,

I must let my ego die.

Now watch. Hi-yah!

- Scoop the beans!
- [both gasp]


- Steam the milk!
- Whoa!

You've been secretly teaching
us this whole time?!

It wasn't a secret.

We know Taekwondo!

- No! You haven't learned anything yet.
- [wild screaming]


- Ooh!
- Yeah, take that, Remy!

This is not Taekwondo!


- [grunts]
- Oof!

- Vasquez?
- Your elevated heart rate triggered

the distress signal on your smart watch.

What exactly is going on here?

Well, you said you wouldn't
teach me how to fight, so...

I found some teachers who would.

Master Remy, I don't want you to fight

because I don't want you getting hurt.

But I just want to be able
to protect myself.

- Protecting you is my job.
- Hi-ya! Ow.

Just keep your smartwatch on

and I'll always be here to defend you.

You're right, Vasquez.

I don't know what I was thinking with

all this fighting nonsense.

Go home. I'll help clean up here.

Good. Glad to hear
you're back to your senses.

All right, Mrs. Green, teach
me how to fight down ¢n dirty!

Wait, wah? You heard Vasquez.

He doesn't want you to get hurt!

Exactly! And I'll never get hurt again...

just as soon as I learn
how to defend myself!

- Ooh!
- That's my boy.

All right, ya tubs o' creamed corn!

If you wanna be a maniac like me,

ya gotta toughen up! Hyah!

First lesson: stay calm under pressure...

Water pressure! [laughs]

Make it rain!

Happy Kitty!

Is that all you got, old lady?! Hit me!

[grunts] Again!

Stay calm... stay calm...

H-hey... did I do it?

Yessir, if you stay calm as a cuke,

you'll be ready to face your
opponent like a champ!


♪ Fighting! I am fighting! ♪

♪ I will kick you
With my leg! ♪

[both] Hyah!

My mind is a mountain.

No wind can bend me.

My body is a machine.

A machine... made for fighting!

A fighting machine!


Nice work, kid. You've got
the combination down.

I think you're ready to prove yourself

with some one-on-one sparring.


AKA, the perfect way to show Vasquez

what I've learned!

Hyah! Master Remy!

I have acquired the hummus dip
and a copy of War and Peace.

'Sup, Vasquez?

Wha? You said you needed
a snack for book club!

I lied. I've been secretly training

to become a fighting master!

And you're going to watch
my first sparring match.

Welcome to the thunderdome!

But... what if you get hurt?

Relax. I got this!

Master Remy, your smartwatch!

Smart-watch this!


Oh, no...

Mrs. Green, who's my first victim?

Tilly! Get in here!


Ooh, just wait till you see
what Remy can do!

You're going down, Tilly.

Yes, I am... For the deeper I bow,

the more respect I show you.

Master Remy, you don't have to do this.




- Namaste!
- [grunts]

Ah, interesting technique, Remy.

Just let your opponent dominate.

Think that'll stop me, Tilly?

Okay, bold. Taking some risks.

Let's see if it pays off.

Scoop the beans!

Ahh! My toe!

Wow, he just knocked himself out.

He's playing chess,
and we're playing checkers.

Are you okay, Remy?

I think my hands
switched places with my feet...

It's all right, Master Remy,
it's all right.

I'm here. You're safe now.

You'll never have to defend
yourself ever again.


- Master Remy!
- [watch buzzes]


[sighs] What was I thinking?

You're nothing but a scaredy-cat

and a failure, Remy.

Why try to be anything different?

Vasquez was right.

You're never going to be a warrior.

What are you doing, kid?
Run for your life!

Wait, what'd he say? [gasps]



[stammers] It's the hyenas from the zoo!


Okay, Remy, I just need to
call someone on my--


- Eh.
- [snarling, barking]

[pants, grunts]

Oh, no...

Come on, Remy.
You still have your training.

- [strains]
- Stay calm under pressure.

Oh, dang, is that a hyena?!

I couldn't scoop my way outta that!

Neither of you are helping!

[male voice]
Remy... have you forgotten...

About me?!

Wait, you're that cute
frilled lizard from the zoo!

Yes, Remy. ¢Tis I.

And I have a piece of wisdom for you...

Fear is what eats away at our strengths.

Turn it against your enemy,

and make your enemy afraid of you.

But how do I do that?

Oh, I usually just try to freak people out

with this little frill thing.

- Blep!
- [all] Ahh!

It's so funny when people jump.

Okay, that's enough!
Scare my enemy. [grunts]

- [snarling]
- Hey you!

I may not be big and strong...

and I may also be kinda bad
at self-defense...

but what I am... is a frilled lizard!


Scoop the beans! Steam the milk!
Scoop the beans!

Ya want me to steam your milk?!
Well, come get some!

Master Remy, where are you?

- [Remy] Scoop the beans! Steam the milk!
- What the--?


Vasquez, you gotta get in there,

he's gonna get hurt!

No! He's defending himself

by using a display of dominance!

It's very effective.

Back off son! I'mma freak!


Master Remy! You defeated the hyenas!

- Vasquez!
- I don't know where you learned all that,

but you were terrifying...
in the best way.

Well, uh, I did have a lot of
good teachers.

[Vasquez] I was wrong about you,
Master Remy.

You have learned how to defend yourself.

You should be very proud.

Yeah! I am proud of me!

I am Remy Remington, mighty warrior!

So, mighty warrior, want to help me take

these hyenas back to the zoo?

Absolutely not.