Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 16 - Virtually Christmas - full transcript

♪

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ The stockings are hung ♪

♪ Let everyone have one ♪

♪ We're birds of a feather ♪

♪ The Greens
Are all together ♪

- All right, I'm out.
- Wait, what? Cricket!

Just where do you think
you're going?

Remy's. He just got the new
Christmas update

for "Outpost Infinity."

Ah, yes, "Outpost Infinity."



I know "Outpost Infinity."

What is "Outpost Infinity"?

I believe it's a VR
video game, Papa.

Okay, thanks, sweetie.

Uh, what does VR mean?

- It means you're old.
- Ah!

VR stands
for "virtual reality," Dad.

You put on these goggles
and go inside a world

that's so lifelike,
it's like real life...

like.

But, Cricket,
it's Christmas Eve.

Don't you remember what we do
every Christmas Eve?

Ugh! Our three family--

♪ Our three family traditions ♪



First, we decorate cookies.

And then we play
Find the Fruitcake,

where I hide a fruitcake
in the yard,

and everyone
tries to find it.

GRAMMA:
Try is right.

I'm finding that fruitcake
this year,

like I do every year.

Oh, yeah? Well, what about
last year when I found it?

Oh, yeah? What about my fist
in your teeth?

- (both scream)
- You were saying, Papa?

Thank you, Tilly.

And finally, we all sing
"Gather Round, Ye Family"

while placing a star
atop the tree.

Like we do every single year.

Ugh, see, that's the problem.

We do the same thing
every year.

So what if I miss it
just this once?

What? Are you kidding me?

- You're my little Crick-mas elf.
- (grumbles)

It's always been your very
important job to place the star

on top of the tree.

Ever since your first Christmas.

Aw, memories.

I was even bored as a baby.

Look, how about this:

I go to Remy's
to play "Outpost Infinity,"

but I promise to be back home
before cookie-baking time.

That way we can still do
all our old traditions.

Dang it, the boy's reaching
across the aisle.

Mm, well, all right,
but hurry back,

because when it comes
to Christmas cookies,

the most important ingredient
is family...

Whoo-hoo!
"Outpost Infinity," here I come!

Yeah, okay.

(grunts and exhales)

No, no, no, Vasquez,
the order's all wrong.

It should go Dasher,
Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,

then Comet, Cupid,
Donner and Blitzen.

Cupid up front? Ha!

Vasquez, you old
Christmas prankster.

- Fix it, though.
- Hey, Remy.

Cricket! You made it!

Sorry I'm late.

My dad was making a big deal

about our Christmas Eve traditions.

Christmas Eve traditions?
We don't do those.

All our energy
goes into the big day itself.

Exactly. Christmas Eve
should be reserved for gaming.

- You ready?
- Yeah!

Cricket, are you sure
you should stay?

This snow is really
coming down.

(scoffs)
Snow schmoe.

- It's VR time!
- Whoo!

VASQUEZ:
Can I come down now?

Fix the reindeer
and we'll talk.

"Outpost Infinity,"
here we come.

(gasps and laughs)

Oh, man,
that game has everything.

Building, monsters,
even Christmas-themed violence.

- Uh, Cricket.
- What?

I think the blizzard hit.

Oh, dang. We're snowed in!

There's no way
I can get back home in this.

Oh, I just know Dad's gonna say
something like...

Dang it, Cricket,
I knew letting you

go play that video game
was a mistake.

How are we supposed to do
our family traditions

if the family isn't all here?

Hey, no one's decorating
until Cricket gets back.

ALL:
Aw.

- Uh...
- Oh, man, I feel terrible.

We could've just played "Outpost
Infinity" from our own houses,

and you never would have
gotten stuck over here.

But my family doesn't own
a VR system.

Heck, we can barely
afford R.

Yes, you do!

I got you one
as a Christmas present.

(whispers) I had Vasquez put it
under your tree.

You should really
lock your doors.

There's a VR system at my house?

(squeals)

Dad, it's a Christmas miracle!

We can still do all
our Christmas Eve traditions...

in virtual reality.

What are you talking about, son?

CRICKET (on phone): We can meet
up inside the game

and do the same junk
we normally do.

It'll be like
we're all home together.

Maybe even better.

What in the world?

Oh, glorious techno-magical
reality portal.

Papa, please give it a try

so that Cricket can be with us

for our Christmas Eve traditions.

I don't know.

Makes no difference to me,

as long as I can still
trounce Nancy

at Find the Fruitcake.

Dream on, old lady.

I'll dominate you
in any dimension.

(sighs)
Christmas inside a video game?

Well, this just feels like
some sort of cheap gimmick.

No, no, it's an expensive gimmick.

We can talk about
the monthly fee later.

(groans)

Whoa! Uh, what the...?

Oh, intriguing.

- Huh?
- Wow.

CRICKET:
Welcome to "Outpost Infinity."

a totally customizable
virtual reality.

Within this game,
we can build our house

and do all our Christmas Eve traditions.

And the best part is,
we'll all be together.

Including me!

BILL:
Remy, is that you?

Hi, Mr. Green.

I burn tons of XP
and have all the upgrades.

I... play this game a lot.

Cricket, I just don't know
about this.

How are we supposed to do our
Christmas Eve traditions here?

This is nothing
like being home together.

You're forgetting, Dad.
This is a building game.

All we got to do
is open the options menu...

BILL:
Options menu?

...and then building is easy.

GRAMMA:
What kind of witchcraft is this?

Making things
out of thin air?

Where's the fun in building
without any power tools?

I didn't even get
to use a miter saw.

Speaking of tools,
what kind of tool is this?

(whooping)

Hot dog! I gots me
a flamethrower.

Hey! Watch it, Alice.

You're not the only one
with a weapon.

There's no need for fighting,

because I'd definitely win.

Wait a minute.
A flamethrower? A spear?

Tilly has a giant axe?

What kind of a game is this?

One where we must use
both our wits and courage

to fight off--

Boredom. Fight off boredom.

Because it's such
a peaceful world.

And nothing says peace
like building

with these fancy
building tools.

This hammer's a lot bigger
than any I've ever used.

Now let's finish
building our house,

so we can get to those
family traditions.

Building tools, eh?
What a world.

My axe will only be used
for chopping wood.

CRICKET:
Remy, come here.

If my dad finds out

what kind of game
this really is,

he'll never get onboard
with us

doing our Christmas Eve
traditions in here.

That's why I need you
to patrol the perimeter

and keep any you-know-what's
away from my family.

Oh, Cricket, my Cricket.

It would be an honor
and a privilege.

BILL: Come on, Cricket.
Let's get to building.

(laughs)
Oh, yeah. Sounds good.

And voilà. Home sweet home.

This looks nothing
like our house in real life.

Uh, sure it does.

- See?
- BILL: I guess so.

Now let's finish
recreating our house

so we can get
to those family traditions.

Sounds like a deal to me.

MR. EXTRAS:
Did somebody say "deal"?

Hey, kids, would you like
to purchase

some cool downloadable
content?

Customize your appearance
with Santa suits, elf ears,

or bedazzled the new
candy cane cannon, today on--

- What is this thing?
- (sighs)

That's Mr. Extras.

He's an annoying
in-game feature

that tries to sell you
useless game add-ons.

Now you, get. Get, you!

Cricket, stop!

How dare you scare
this sweet little scamp?

Oh, especially when he's
all alone on Christmas Eve.

Would you like to learn

about the spirit of Christmas,
Mr. Extras?

I would love to...

sell you some custom stockings.

Just give me your parents'
credit card number.

Uh, we'll work on that.

(Remy screams)

What in Santa's beard was that?

Uh, Remy must be having
the tummy troubles.

I'll go check on him.

(grunting)

(yells)

Hey, buddy.

(laughs nervously)
Doing okay out here?

That's a lot
of monster guts on you.

Yeah, but at least
the Christmas update

makes it look like tinsel.

More festive,
less gruesome.

Okay, but you got everything
under control?

For now, but it's only
gonna get harder.

- What? Why is that?
- We didn't play long enough

for me to show you before,

but "Outpost Infinity"
is a defense game.

The longer we spend
in this world,

the more monsters
are gonna show up.

Oh, my gosh,
I got to get my family

to complete our Christmas Eve
traditions soon,

or else we're gonna
be mistle-toast.

(festive music playing)

Wow!

Okay, it's Christmas Eve
and we've got no time to waste.

Let's boogie on those
traditions, people.

First up, cookie decoration.

Huh? Oh!

Ooh.

(chuckles)

Easy, shug, what's the rush?

Rush? No rush.

Just eager to get
my decorating on.

Hi, friend.

Would you like to buy
an ugly Christmas sweater?

I would not.

Would you care to join
in the spirit of Christmas

by decorating some cookies
with me?

This can be yours.

Just use your Experience points,

or your Payfriend
or Spendmo accounts.

Give it a chance,
Mr. Extras.

Maybe a little icing will
get you in the holiday spirit.

"Icing"...a happy song
with every purchase

of a holiday skins bonus pack.

Oh, Mr. Extras.

Hey, Nancy,
you got a little icing on you.

- Where?
- GRAMMA: Here!

(laughs)

Revenge really is sweet.

(grunting)

Hey, you messed up
my masterpiece.

Y'all look like you're ready
tradition number two:

Find the Fruitcake.

Dad, we'll clean up here

while you go find a hiding spot
for that fruitcake, okay?

Okay.

Hiding a fruitcake
in virtual reality?

I don't know about this.

What the...?

Camo cloak?

Hmm.

(gasps)

My greatest hide ever.

They're gonna have a heck
of a time finding it this year.

(snickers)

Okay, family,

first one to find
the fruitcake wins.

On your mark, get set, go!

- Whoo!
- Whee!

As long as we wrap this up soon,

we should have plenty of time
to finish everything.

Now where the heck
is that fruitcake?

Dang, not in here either.

Where is it, snowman?

Dang, Dad, you really
hid it good this year.

(chuckles)
I sure did.

What'd I tell you?
VR ain't so bad.

It is starting to
grow on me.

Hey, why don't I help you guys
out a little?

You're getting colder.

Oh, now hotter.

Almost on fire!

- Oh, no, colder again.
- (gasps)

(snarls)

Oh, my gosh!

(grunts)

Boy, don't you crowd me
while I'm fruitcake hunting.

Cricket, I'm sorry!

- Remy, what happened?
- A huge wave came,

- and a couple got through.
- What?

But everyone was just
getting into it.

Hey, Nancy, I think
the fruitcake's right above you.

Huh? Whoa!

(laughs)

Uh, what the--? Ah!

Looks more like it's raining
wrinkled old ladies.

(laughs)

(grunts)

- Whew.
- We got to get your family

to pick up the pace,

or you won't finish
all your traditions

before we're overrun
by monsters!

But how? We can't even find
the fruitcake.

Oh, just use the options menu
to create a duplicate fruitcake.

Your dad will never know
the difference.

Diabolical.

Remy, I love it.

Hmm. Where did I hide
that fruitcake?

Ooh, lookie here.
Found the fruitcake.

Game over. Time to move on
to the next tradition.

What do you say
we call go top that tree?

How did you--?

Where exactly did you find it?

Hmm, do we want white lights

or multicolored ones?

White.

No, multicolored.

Although, white is classic.

However, multicolored
is more colorful.

Multicolored looks fine.
It's fine.

Time to put on the tree topper.

You know better
than to rush your father

- with his ornaments, boy.
- Ah! Gramma!

Why have Christmas ornaments

when you can have
Christmas armaments?

Defend yourself
against the upcoming--

Quiet, you!

Tilly, would you get him
out of here?

He's, uh, ruining
the Christmas spirit.

- (grunts)
- Oh, Mr. Extras.

It's time we had a talk.

Have a seat, Mr. Extras.

I tried to show you
the spirit of Christmas,

but it's just not
working out.

CRICKET: Hurry up, Tilly.
We're doing the tree.

I'm sorry,
but we must say goodbye.

Say goodbye?

More like, say goodbye
to boring game play with--

Shh. Please don't make this more
difficult than it already is.

Could I interest you
in some power-up eggnog?

Candy cane claws?

Fifty percent off when you buy
the expansion pack.

If your algorithm
allows it.

Have a Merry Christmas,
Mr. Extras.

Okay, circle up
and tune your pipes, Greens.

We made it to our final
Christmas Eve tradition.

Get ready to get topped, tree.

♪ Mi, mi, mi ♪

A little rusty, Alice?

I only sing
once a year.

Well, Cricket,
I was a little skeptical.

But we really pulled this off.

Whew! And just
in the nick of time.

Okay, family,
just like we do every year.

ALL:
♪ Gather round, ye family ♪

♪ Behold the tree ♪

♪ Together we stand in unity ♪

♪ The love we share
Shows who we are ♪

♪ And burns as bright
As our Christmas star ♪

♪ Come close, our kinfolk ♪

♪ Come close, our brood ♪

♪ We bring the holiday spirit
To you ♪

♪ Christmas comes
But once a year ♪

♪ Yet the joy in our hearts
Is always here ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la ♪

What'd I tell you?

These old traditions
ain't so bad, huh?

Yeah, they're starting
to grow on me.

Well, my little Crick-mas elf,

it's time for your
very important job.

REMY:
It's a Christmas catastrophe!

Whoa!

They're gonna eat us all!

- Christmas catastrophe?
- Who's gonna eat us?

And where did you get
such lovely sparkles?

Cricket?

- What's going on here?
- Spill it, boy.

(laughs nervously)

I was hoping
it wouldn't come to this,

but there's no hiding it
any longer.

"Outpost Infinity"
is a building game, yes.

- Get to the point, boy!
- But it also has monsters

that destroy all the buildings
and try to eat everyone.

Monsters? What kind of monsters?

- (loud crash)
- (all scream)

(growling)

Uh, that kind of monster.

Merry Christmas?

(monsters growling)

TILLY: The weather outside
is frightful.

Take cover! I'll hold them off!

I should've known we couldn't
have family Christmas

in a video game.

Of course we can.

We just need to fight off
some super scary,

giant monsters first.

(yelling)

No. I've had enough.

There's nothing like
a bunch of monsters

to remind you
that this isn't reality.

- The real reality...
- No, Dad, wait. We can--

The real reality
is that my son

didn't want to do our family
traditions and bailed on us.

Sometimes you just got to know
when to throw in

the decorative Christmas towel.

(snarling)

Go ahead and eat me,

you tradition killers!

(growls)

(yells)

REMY: Come and get it,
you big icicle!

I'm sorry, Dad.
I made a mistake, okay?

Yes, I thought I was bored
by our traditions,

but now I realize it wouldn't
be Christmas without them.

Without you guys.

Looks like the only way we get
to spend Christmas Eve together

is in this game.

So if that means
fighting monsters,

then that's what I'm gonna do.

Who's with me?

As your sister,
I am forever your ride or die.

Those dopes
don't stand a chance.

Let's toast some monster heinie.

And Dad?

You with me?

All right, Cricket.
We'll bash some monsters.

As a family.

Charge!

You can take
our virtual lives,

but you'll never take
our Christmas traditions!

Whoo!

(laughs)
Can't get me now.

Pop goes the snowman.

(screaming)

- (growling)
- CRICKET: Oh, everybody!

Hit him with everything
you've got!

(roars)

(gasps)

Hyah!

There's too many of them!

(growling)

(gasps)

They're gonna destroy our house.

But I never got to top the tree.

I made a little extra help.

(gasps)

We need extra help.

Did someone say extra?

Oh, Mr. Extras.

I realize now
that offering a good deal

is a good deed.

You had the spirit
of Christmas inside you

the whole time.

Guys! Our house!

Mr. Extras,
what do you got?

How about the candy cane cannon?

A weapon that can destroy
any enemy with one direct shot.

- It could be yours--
- Yeah, okay, okay.

Take my whole XP bar.

That should be
more than enough.

(croaking)

Here, give me that.

Be careful!
It only has one...

shot.

(laughs nervously)

Ooh, uh, Remy,
what do we do now?

You have to wait.
It needs to recharge.

TILLY:
Oh, he did not like that.

I'll keep it safe
until it's fully charged.

(yells and grunts)

Remy!

I'll get it! Hyah!

Still getting it.

I got it! Whoa!

Tilly, over here!

Cricket!

Take that.

Oh, no.

It's in the house. Oh, blort.

- I got you, Alice.
- GRAMMA: Thanks for the help.

I just got to find me
another weapon.

How about a fruitcake?

It'll do just fine.

(growls)

Hyah!

Told you I'd find
the fruitcake.

What are you talking about?
I found it!

(panting)

Where is it?
Where is it? Ah-ha!

(growling)

No, this isn't how
it was supposed to be.

I just wanted to spend
Christmas Eve with my family.

Hyah!

Nothing like some monster guts

to get you
in the Christmas spirit.

- Dad!
- (creature roars)

Merry Christmas.

(screams)

CRICKET:
No, no, no, no, no, no!

(electricity crackling)

The house.

Uh...

Christmas Even is ruined,

all because I wanted
to play a game.

Go ahead and log off.

You can still
do the traditions at home,

just without me.

Or we can stay here
and rebuild.

Yeah! Monsters and total
destruction can't stop us.

It's no use.

"Outpost Infinity"
is a wave game.

Another horde of monsters will
just destroy the house again.

That's the whole point.

I'm sorry,
but we'll never be able

to complete your family
traditions in here.

Well, maybe we don't
have to do

the exact same traditions
every year.

We could add
a new tradition.

Bashing monsters.

(all cheer)

(chuckles)
Yeah.

Okay, Greens,
here comes another wave.

Remember, if you die here,
you die in real life.

That's not true.

All right, family,

ready for round two?

- Ready.
- Then let's ho-ho...

go!

GRAMMA:
Yeah!

I didn't realize it before,

but it just doesn't feel
like Christmas

if I don't top the tree
with my family.

And if I can't do it
in the game...

(gasps)

Bingo-bango.

(grunting)

Christmas Eve traditions,
here I come!

- (loud crash)
- (gasps)

Well, trudging through the snow
ain't gonna work.

Now how the heck
am I supposed to get home?

Hmm.

Bingo-bango.

Huh? Cupid up front?

Oh, Vasquez,
you've done it again.

Anyway, I got to hurry.

Sorry, Santa.

I gave the reindeer
the night off.

It's just you and me.

And I'm driving.

That okay with you,
big guy?

I'll take that as a yes.

On Cricket, on Cricket...

(screams)

Hang on, Santa!
We're landing!

(whimpering)

Whoa!

Oh, we're fine.

Next stop: home.

- LLOYD: Make way, make way!
- Huh?

Make way
for the Christmas glass.

Even a blizzard
can't stop us from delivering

this beautifully plain
and unstained pane. Huh?

Move! Move! We can't stop!

(gasps)
Don't panic.

This is what we trained for!

Santa, duck!

(gasps)
He got my letter!

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh!

(horn blaring)

(screams)

Merry Christmas!

- (roaring)
- (all yelling)

(unenthused yelling)

Hey, where's Cricket?

CRICKET:
I'm right here, Dad.

But I don't see you anywhere.

Did you put on
that camo cloak?

CRICKET:
No, Dad, take off your goggles.

Goggles? Oh, right.

(gasps)
Cricket!

- You're back.
- Yeah.

Once I realized

we couldn't do the tree-topper
ceremony in the game,

I knew I had to find a way home
so we could do it together.

I just wanted
to be with you guys.

Like, really be with you.

ALL:
Aw!

Yeah, Mr. Extras
wanted to be with me,

but he was just in it
for the money.

- Been there.
- (knock on door)

I'll get it.

Wonder who that could be.

- (snarls)
- Ah! Monster!

The virtual world
has invaded ours.

We're doomed!

(grumbles)

ALL:
Ah! Oh...

Merry Christmas Eve,
Green family.

Oh, hi, Vasquez.

We have a doorbell.

Cricket made it home!

It's a Christmas miracle!

Remy? What are you doing here?

Well, when it stopped snowing,

Vasquez dug out the helicopter
and we came looking for you.

Aw, thanks, bud.

You know, since your family
doesn't have

any Christmas Eve traditions,

want to stay for ours?

(gasps)
Can we?

Hmm. I don't know.

- What do you think?
- Well...

We'd love to!

ALL:
♪ Gather round, ye family ♪

♪ Rejoice with glee ♪

♪ Yuletide cheer
We spread to thee ♪

♪ The traditions we share
May be old or new ♪

♪ But the meaning of Christmas
Is always true ♪

♪ Family, family ♪

♪ The meaning of Christmas
Is always true ♪

BILL:
Cricket!

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got bit
By a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out
A big old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
And scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my leg ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
At seven and ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪