Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 4 - Green Christmas - full transcript

When Cricket discovers he might be on Santa's naughty list, he scrambles to redeem himself last-minute, but things soon go horribly wrong. Meanwhile, Gramma and Nancy try to find the perfect gift for Bill.


- Yeah! Chimney's all clear!
- [clucks]

No obstructions for Santa!

Cricket! Get out of the chimney!

Merry Christmas, Dad!


Oh, hello, Cricket!

And how are you on this
fine Christmas Eve mornin'?

Oh, you know,
just losin' my gosh dang mind

gettin' hyped for tomorrow!

Christmas truly is
a magical time.

And do you know what
the best part of Christmas is?

Well, it's hard to put
your finger on just one...

- ♪ Ohhh... ♪ - Ah,
you're gonna sing this part.

♪ The best part of Christmas ♪

♪ Is the presents that I get ♪

♪ Like an action figure robot ♪

♪ Or a sweet toy jet ♪

♪ You can talk
about your carols ♪

♪ And your Christmas tree ♪

♪ But the best parts
of Christmas ♪

♪ Are all the gifts for me ♪

Or maybe...

♪ The best part of Christmas ♪

♪ Is when people do good ♪

♪ And they all spread kindness ♪

♪ For the sake of brotherhood ♪

♪ You can talk
about your reindeer ♪

♪ And your shelf-bound elf ♪

♪ But holidays are best
when folks ♪

♪ Don't think just of themself ♪

Well, I think...

♪ The best part of Christmas ♪

♪ Is my loving family ♪

♪ When we all
gather 'round and trim ♪

♪ The living room tree ♪

♪ And the dining table tree ♪

♪ And the bedroom tree ♪

♪ And the basement tree ♪

♪ And the secret tree ♪

- ♪ And the bathroom tree too ♪
- Seriously, Dad?

♪ And this year
we're all together ♪

♪ 'Cause your mom is back ♪

- [all] Whoo-hoo!
- Hey, kids, what y'all doin'?

♪ We're just singin'
'bout Christmas ♪

[both] ♪ Would you like
to add a line? ♪

How are you doin' this?
Did you plan this in advance?

♪ You could sing
about eggnog or the ♪

[all] ♪ Smell of winter pine ♪

Well, I didn't prepare lyrics,
so let's dance!

[music playing]

Wait, where's Gramma?

[thunder rumbles]

♪ The worst part of Christmas ♪

♪ Are those three
stupid ghosts ♪

♪ Who come
clanging in the night ♪

♪ To bang on your bed post ♪

♪ They tell you
you're a scrooge ♪

♪ And a grumpy mean old hag ♪

♪ Scram, ya dumb old spirits ♪

♪ I don't need to hear you nag ♪

- [Cricket] What the heck?
- Are you all right, Gramma?

- Uh, what? - OK.

[clears throat] I mean, uh...

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

[both] ♪ Merry Christmas ♪

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

[all] ♪ From the Greens ♪

Seriously, was there like an
email about this? How did you...

[grunts] Yah!

Made it from the bedroom
to the tree in five seconds flat!

My presents don't
stand a chance.

So, what're you up to, Tilly?

Just workin' on a tally

of all my good
deeds from the year.

I made one for you, too.

And, how we doin'?

Um... I'm gonna let Professor
Macadamia handle this one.

[as nutcracker] You might
be on the naughty list!

What?! The naughty list?! Oh,
come on!

What'd I do that was so bad?



- Look out! - [all screaming]

Oh, right.

I'm doomed.

Don't despair, Cricket,

I believe there's good in you.

If you do enough
good deeds today,

I bet you could still
make the nice list!

what are we waitin' for? Let's get to it!

Where are you kids goin'?

It's almost time to
baste the Christmas ham!

Sorry, Dad,
this is too important!

What could be more
important than ham?

- [door closes] -
More bastin' for me!

- [chuckles] - Don't test me.

You're not wastin' my baste,
are ya?

No, I'd never!

So what's the plan today?

we're gonna spend the whole day

doin' Christmas activities.

All culminating' tomorrow

when I get to give
you your presents!

We, uh... didn't know
you were gettin' us gifts.

I don't mean to
toot my own horn,

but... honk!

I think I nailed it.

Can you excuse us for a second? We,

Have to go to the
bathroom together.

Yes. Both of us.

Okie dokie,
just put the tree back when you're done!

I didn't get Bill
anything. Did you?

Other than the
beautiful gift of life?

Yeah, no, I got nothin'.

Oh, I knew I forgot something!

Do you think we can get
away with not getting him a gift?

You know how clingy
he gets during Christmas!

- [knocking] -
[Bill] Knock knock!

How you ladies doin' in there?

Want some bathroom cookies?

If we wanna preserve
his fragile heart,

we'll have to work
together to get him a gift.

You in?


Good! Now hold this.

Nature calls.

[Cricket] ♪ I used to
think that helpin' folks ♪

♪ Was just a waste of time ♪

♪ Goofin' off and
playin' jokes ♪

♪ Was really more my line ♪

♪ But now I see there's value ♪

♪ Makin' life more pleasant ♪

♪ The best reward for virtue ♪

♪ Is a big fat Santa present ♪

♪ If it's presents
that you want ♪

♪ Then it's presents
that you need ♪

♪ Just start bein' helpful ♪

♪ At a high rate of speed ♪

♪ It's the surest
way to satisfy ♪

♪ Your holiday greed ♪

♪ I mean... Good
deeds are good indeed ♪

♪ When you massage
her creaky joints ♪

♪ You're really
rackin' up the points ♪

♪ When you see
litter throw it out ♪

♪ And you'll be on
that Santa route ♪

♪ Feed a mangy dog and pet it ♪

♪ You'll build up
that Santa credit ♪

[Tilly] ♪ Lend a cold
fellow a sweater ♪

♪ Bet my gifts will
get much better ♪

♪ Help this loser
change a tire ♪

♪ Watch my pile of
gifts grow higher ♪

♪ Help avert a big disaster ♪

♪ Get an awesome
foam dart blaster ♪

♪ When there's cold and hungry
people out there you can help feed ♪

♪ Or when someone takes a
tumble and is starting to bleed ♪

♪ It's a golden opportunity for loot,
guaranteed ♪

♪ Yes,
good deeds are good indeed ♪

♪ Good deeds are good indeed ♪


Am I on the nice list yet?

but let's keep goin' to make sure.

[muffled] This
is taking forever.

Don't feel discouraged,
brother. Look!

Atop that tree is the
Big City Christmas Star.

Let its light guide you

on your path to doin'
more good deeds.

Or... I can plead my
case to the man himself!

Cricket, wait!

I'lljust have a chat with the big red guy,

and everything will be fixed.

Oof! Huh?

Oh, man, there's a huge line!

you're free to talk to Santa,

but I'd rather spend my
time doin' nice things for folks.

Like that man over there.

I don't think a little guy like me

can handle all this by myself!

It's slipping!

You're welcome to join!

Tilly. I'll catch up with you later.

[dog owner] Oh, boy,
everything's falling! Falling everywhere!

I can help you with those.

'Scuse me! 'Scuse me! I
have a Christmas emergency!

Hmm? Oh, no, please not here.

[gasps] Gloria? Is that you?

Cricket. How can I help you?

This is perfect!

I need someone on the inside

to sneak me to the front
of the line to see Santa!

No. It's not fair
to the other kids.

Now go wait in
line like a good boy.

[gasps] Oh, hey,
is that Kevin I see over there?

- That boy you really like?
- What? Kevin's here?

Oh, yeah,
I just saw him go right over there.

Just keep goin'.

- [grunts] - Hey!

- [elf] Next! - [sighs]

Have a Merry Christmas,
little one!

- [grunts] - [groans]

Hi, Santa, big fan,
but I gotta hear it

straight from the
reindeer's mouth.

Am I,
or am I not on the nice list?

have you been a good boy this year?

I think so! But my
sister made this list...

Let's take a look here. Hmm...

Jeez, kid,
did you do all of this?

Uh... do any of us
really do anything?

Santa, I've been waiting for so
long and that boy cutted in line!

cry me a river. Now back to that list...

Hey! You're not
supposed to be up there!


Hmm? [roars]

Wuh-oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait!

I still gotta talk to Santa!



- Ha! Aah! - [grunts]

Santa, I promise you,

nothin' on that list
is as bad as it looks!

Whoa! [groans]


I can explain everything!

- I had good intentions!
- [growls]

Look, man, I know this looks bad,
but listen, Santa,

I gotta get on that nice list!

- Just put me on that list!
- [pants rip]


[all gasp]


Cricket Green,

you might as well
forget about Christmas,

because you're definitely
on the naughty list!


Aah! [groans]

Merry Christmas

and thank you for
shopping at Hudkins.

Look, Cricket! That nice man I
helped got me some hot chocolate.

So how'd it go with Santa?

[grunts] It was a disaster!

There's no way I'm
gettin' on the nice list now!

And that means no presents.


Oh, come now, Cricket,

I still believe there's
some good in you.

You just gotta keep tryin'.

Cricket? Cricket!

[Nancy] Well,
we may not have gotten Bill a gift,

but there's still time
to make him a gift!

Good thinkin'! But it's gotta be awesome,
thoughtful, and personal.

Right! Let's get started!

Finished! Oh, man,
Bill is gonna love his...

personalized statue?

- It's bad! - So bad!

We can't give Bill this
abomination! It's hideous!

We've got no choice.
We have to go to the store.

If we're quick,
maybe he won't notice.

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

I'm an old woman, don't rush me!

There you are! Where ya goin'?

Uh... caroling?

[gasps] I'll come with
you! Let me grab my coat!

Real smooth.


Cricket! [sighs] There you are!

I know this looks bad.
You're on the naughty list.

But I believe that you can st...

Oh, forget it,
Tilly! Christmas is over.

I'm not gettin' any presents

and I'm gonna
freeze in this park.

I could do good deeds
from now until morning

and I still wouldn't
get presents.

Nothing I do matters.

Nothing I do matters.

What are you talkin' about,

It always matters!

[chuckles] Oh,
Tilly, Tilly, Tilly.

Allow me to explain.

♪ I tried my best
at helpin' folks ♪

♪ But I've run out of time ♪

♪ My nice list hopes
gone up in smoke ♪

- ♪ As bells of judgement
chime ♪ - [bell chimes]

♪ I see now that I'm doomed ♪

♪ My gift-wrapped
ship has sank ♪

♪ So I shall resume
my Christmas pranks ♪

[evil laughter]

- ♪ I'll trip up this
dip ♪ - [groans]

- ♪ I'll make this guy
slide ♪ - Whoa! [groans]

♪ Don't bother me 'cause
I'm fresh outta pride ♪

♪ I'll hand out free candy,
bestow loads of cocoa ♪

♪ You'll wonder out loud
how could I stoop so low ♪

- ♪ It's a simple fact ♪ - Whoa!

♪ A secret I'll spill ♪

If I can't have Christmas ♪

♪ Nobody will ♪

♪ I'll throw all my
snowballs with impunity ♪

♪ Advance avalanches
on the community ♪

♪ Revise advertisements
and make folks obey them ♪

♪ This season's colors
are mischief and mayhem ♪

♪ Toboggans on noggins
and butts fulla nuts ♪

♪ Snowmen I stabbed
in their tinsel-string guts ♪

♪ Displays in dismay
and socks spouting trout ♪

♪ If you don't get it yet
then let me spell it out ♪

♪ Being nice is a bore
but naughty's a thrill ♪

♪ If I can't have Christmas ♪

♪ Nobody will ♪

♪ Nobody will ♪

♪ Nobody will! ♪

[evil laughter]


[laughter continues]

[all inhale]

♪ Hum diddy dum dum dum dum do ♪

♪ Christmas is here ♪

We're running out of time, Nancy,
the stores will be closing soon!

♪ Hum diddy dum dum dum dum do ♪

Let's sneak out during his solo.

He can't hit the high notes
without closing his eyes.


♪ It's my favorite time ♪

♪ of year! ♪

What's all that noise? It
sounds like a strangled...

Oh, it's Mr. Green!

Take it away, family!

[panting] Ma? Nance?

Huh? But they were just...

Brava! Brava! Mwah! Magnifico!

[both panting]


Oh! Everything's closed!

What kind of stores
close on Christmas Eve?!

There! An open sign!

[Nancy] Score!

[both] Huh? Closed?!

- Let us in! - Please!

Come on, man. I can get you
anything! Gold? Diamonds?

I've got a guy,
just say the word!



Cricket, enough!

Aren't you done with
all this mischief yet?

Done? I'm just gettin' started!

I've got a plan that's gonna
top everything I've done so far!

What are ya thinkin'?

I'm gonna replace the
Big City Christmas Star...

with a Christmas moon!

Oh, that doesn't sound so bad.

A little unconventional I suppose,

I'm talkin' about my butt!

I'm gonna moon Big
City! [evil laughter]

- Oh, enough! - Hmm? Aah!

I can't let you do this,
Cricket Green!

I know there's still
some good left in you!


- Ugh! Gross! - [laughs]

I'm gonna show them my butt!

No! Stop!

- Outta the way! - [gasps]


[evil laughter]

You ain't the star no more!

- Huh? Tilly?
- Cricket, please stop!

This'll be the worst
thing you've ever done!

I know! That's why it's perfect!

Now give me the star!

No! No, I won't let you!

Give it to me, Tilly! Come on!

I won't let you ruin Christmas!

- Aah! - Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Aah! [grunts]

Oh. Well, that wasn't so bad.


Great ice skating, family! Hmm?

Oh, tannenbaums.

Evasive maneuvers!

[groans] Cricket?

[angry shouting]

Maria Media here
with Channel 11 News,

reporting from the
collapsed corpse

of our city's beloved
Christmas tree.

How does it feel
to ruin Christmas?

I ruined Christmas?

There you have it,
folks, a confession!

And joining us now is
yuletide expert Santa Claus,

straight from Hudkins
department store.

Hi, Maria! Love the show!

Santa, you've checked your list,
you've checked it twice.

Is this girl naughty or nice?

she's on the naughty list for sure!

I'm on the naughty list?

Hold that face,
we have to cut to commercial!

- And we're back. - [shivering]


I didn't mean to!

There must be a way to fix this.

No, there isn't!

Selfish little girl,
you're on the naughty list

and you've ruined Christmas.

Do you have anything
you want to say

to the people of Big City?

I... I, uh...

Whoo-hoo! That was crazy!

Come on, Tilly, let's go!

Hey, get back here!

And in other news, it's snowing.

Come on, over here!

[panting] Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Oh, man, that went better
than I could've possibly hoped!

Welcome to the naughty list,


♪ All year I was kind ♪

♪ All year I was good ♪

♪ Like a nice kid ♪

♪ I did what I should ♪

♪ But now it's all ruined
and Christmas is busted ♪

♪ All because of
the brother I trusted ♪

Ah, don't worry about it, Tilly.

Bein' on the
naughty list is great!

♪ I've been on the nice
list every single year ♪

♪ Not for toys or for presents ♪

♪ Just simple Christmas cheer ♪

♪ It's not about presents ♪

♪ It's about bein' kind ♪

♪ Something you wouldn't
get in your evil mind ♪

♪ I guess this was my fault ♪

♪ Thinkin' there
was hope for you ♪

♪ But now I see clearly ♪

♪ That was never true ♪

Wait, Tilly! Come back!



So my family abandons
me on Christmas Eve!

Well, that ain't gonna stop
me from having a Bill old time!

With no one else around,

it just means more
eggnog for me!

And I'm going to enjoy

the highest form of
television there is!

A Christmas special.


Wow! I did it!

I saved Christmas!

But I couldn't have
done it without my family.

It's so great being
together! [giggles]

Hmm. Gosh darn it,
these little candy canes aren't helpin'.

I just can't enjoy Christmas
without my family here!

- Oh, yummy! - [giggles]

[man] This is an
important weather alert.

Big City is currently
under a blizzard warning.

[gasps] Ma! Nancy! The kids!

They're in trouble! [glugging]

Don't worry! Bill's on the way!

There's just no
way we can give Bill

a Christmas present, Alice.

It's time to throw in the towel!


We can barely see out here!

I can see just fine!

Stop being difficult.

We'll just have to tell Bill
we didn't get him a present.

No way! I ain't
livin' with that guilt!

I'd rather freeze to death with
my son's ex-wife on Christmas Eve!


Oh, I take it back!

I'm not ready to
go into the light!

There you are! Get in!

- We gotta find the kids!
- [both] The kids?!

They never came
back to the house.

They must be
out in this blizzard!

Well, what're you waiting for?!

Drive! Drive! Drive!



♪ What's Tilly's problem? ♪

♪ She's such an oddball ♪

♪ A Christmas without presents ♪

♪ Is no Christmas at all ♪

♪ Or that's what I've
always thought at least ♪

♪ Was I wrong in my thinking? ♪

♪ No, no, I'm sure I was right ♪

♪ So then why's
my heart sinking? ♪

♪ Sure, feelings got hurt ♪

♪ And the tree took a dunk ♪

♪ But it's all Santa's fault ♪

♪ Him and his holiday bunk ♪

♪ If he'd just given me ♪

♪ The presents I craved ♪

♪ I never would have acted ♪

♪ The way I behaved ♪

♪ No, that's wrong, isn't it? ♪

♪ Can I really blame
someone else ♪

♪ For me being bad? ♪

♪ I caused property damage ♪

♪ And I made my sister sad ♪

♪ I drove her away ♪

♪ I was self-centered and mean ♪

♪ Another dark tally ♪

♪ For your list, Cricket Green ♪

♪ Oh,
the worst part of Christmas ♪

♪ Is all the stuff
I can't undo ♪

♪ I didn't get what I wanted ♪

♪ And what I had I lost too ♪

♪ If anyone's listening ♪

♪ I could really use a hand ♪

♪ Nothing that happened today ♪

♪ Went how I planned ♪

Why the long face, Cricket?

you again. You look different.

Are you here to remind
me how naughty I am?

Hmm. Well, I...

Save your breath. I
know where I stand.

I just thought that if I
wasn't gettin' any presents,

then I was free to
do whatever I wanted!

But now I've messed everything up,
for me and for Tilly!

Hmm, I see.

Christmas isn't always
happy for everyone.

And I knew you were
having a hard time.

Which is why I got you a gift.

A... a gift?

[Santa] This
isn't just any gift.

This is a magical gift.

It can be anything you'd like.

It can be a new bike,
a toy tank...

heck, a real tank!

Anything you want for Christmas,
you'll find inside.

Thanks, Santa,

but the only thing I
want for Christmas

doesn't come in a box.

All I want is for Tilly

to be put back on the nice list.

Hmm, interesting.

If that's what you want,
Cricket, I'll see what I can do.

Oh! And Santa,
can I also ask to be at home

and out of this blizzard?

Ho ho ho!

That sure does sound nice!


Why, that no good stinking
elf left me alone in a blizzard!

If I ever see him again, I'll...

- [vehicle approaching] - Hmm?

[both] Cricket!

Oh, thank goodness we found you!

Mom! Dad!

Oh, man, you guys won't believe

what just happened to me! I...

Oh. Hey, Tilly.


Ooo-wee! Christmas is
just around the corner!

Who's excited?!

Ah, I see.

Y'all must be savin'
your enthusiasm

for Christmas mornin'!

Well, it won't be too long!




Tilly! Tilly! Oh, my gosh,
get up! You gotta see this!

- Look, look, look, look!
- Cricket, what is it?

- [gasps] - It's a
Christmas miracle!

Wait, I don't get it.

Why would Santa
leave me presents?

I ruined Christmas.

Santa gave me one Christmas wish,

so I wished for you
to be on the nice list.

Cricket, you did that for me?

I knew there was good in you,

Merry Christmas!

Don't move, don't move!

That's perfect for the
first Christmas photo!

- Blaaah! - [laughs]

Ma, Nancy! Merry Christmas!

- Oh, Merry Christmas, Bill.
- Merry Christmas.

Op, op, op! I don't wanna hear a
word until after we exchange presents!

Now, Bill,
we've got something to tell you...

We didn't get you anything.

What in the world
are you talkin' about?

What would you call that?!

[both scream]

I know! It's perfect!

And that's not all,
we're gonna do

every Christmas thing
you wanna do today.

Right, Alice?

[sighs] Yup.

Merry Christmas, Billy Boy.

- Yippee! Say "tinsel"!
- [camera shutter clicks]

Cricket! You're not
gonna believe this!

This present's got
your name on it!

What?! Are you pullin' my leg?!

See for yourself!

No kidding...

I must not be the only one

who sees the good in you,

Uh-oh. I think a
song is comin' on!

- ♪ Oh... ♪ - Oh,
it's that time again, huh?

♪ The best part of Christmas ♪

♪ It ain't the gifts you get ♪

♪ It's not the model rocket ♪

♪ Or the robot pet ♪

♪ It's not the things you give ♪

♪ Even though that's
what you'd think ♪

♪ And it's not when
giant Christmas trees ♪

♪ Destroy the whole ice rink ♪

- Wait, what?
- Uh, nothing. Keep going!

♪ It's not the basted ham ♪

♪ With gravy and the trimmings ♪

♪ It's kinda like what I said ♪

♪ In the song at the beginning ♪

♪ The best part of Christmas ♪

♪ It ain't the candy canes ♪

♪ Or drawin' little pictures ♪

♪ In the frosted window panes ♪

♪ Or decorating cookies with
the sprinkles and the frosting ♪

♪ It ain't the stupid ghosts ♪

♪ And it sure ain't
all the shopping ♪

♪ It's not meeting Santa ♪

♪ At his workshop at the mall ♪

♪ It's when we wish each other ♪

[all] ♪ Merry Christmas ♪

♪ One and all! ♪

[Cricket] Merry Christmas!

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and
got bit by 100 flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch and
scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
at seven and ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow,
I'll do it all again ♪