Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 25 - Date Night/The Room - full transcript

[Corbyn] If you don't make room

for my soup,
I am going to scream!

[Jayme]
Corbyn, we all have soup
on this table,

there's just no room.

[Corbyn]
Ahh! My soup!

- Ahhhh!
- Corbyn! Grr!

[Announcer] You're watching Snug Lil' Room!

- What is this?!
- Alice! Oh.

- Well, uh... it's...
- [Announcer] Three dozen
young adults

trapped in one extremely
cramped bachelor apartment!

It's a trashy reality show.
I-like-it-don't-judge-me.



So what, it's like a soap opera?

No. It's real. Maybe.

Count me in. Scootch.

- Gladly!
- What on earth are
y'all watchin'?

Some show where everyone's up
in each others biz-nizz!

[sobs] If Marco bumps into me
like one more time...

- Oops.
- [screams] Eat it!

It mostly shows
that people go crazy

when they don't have
their own space.

I dunno, Gloria.

Cricket and I have been
sharing a room

since we were little babies.

- And we're doin' good.
- Yah!

Tilly's easy!
She's like a house plant.



And everyone loves
livin' with Cricket.

He's great! Anyways, goodbye.

I'm gonna go in the yard
and try to ride that goat!

And I am going to entertain
myself quietly in our bedroom.

See? A houseplant.

Now let's get a goat!

What a ridiculous notion.

To think that Cricket
and I, brother and sister,

would ever butt heads!

Clearly our relationship
is as solid and sound

as this house of cards.

Hmm...

Cricket's dang secret entrance.

- [Cricket laughing]
- [Goat bleats angrily.]

Ohh! Aw.

So this is why it's always
so drafty in our room.

Hum?! What was that, Saxon?

Well, I could do that.

Sharing a room should be
about considering

each others needs after all.

And I need it to be
less drafty in here.

[Jayme]
Melanie, if you don't
get out of my chair,

I'll peel you like a grape!

You always say that,
but you never have the...

Ah crud, my brain broke!

No, the cables out.

-Bill?

- Bill!
- [both] Bill!

Hey, you two. I think
the wind knocked out
your cable connection.

Fix it or else I'll peel
you like a grape!

- But... I'm your son!
- [laughs]

Well, I'm glad I can
still make you laugh.

OK. I'll be outside
fixin' the cable.

Heheh... Now what?

There. Stable and harmonious.

- [bang]
- [Cricket] Aw!

-[bang]
-[Cricket moans]
Ah, what the heck?

Who ding danged closed up
the ding dang, aw!

Tilly! Call the police!
Someone boarded up my hole!

I boarded up your hole.

Uh, to help me how?!

Well, I was getting chilly,

and if we are both considerate
of each others needs, then...

Tilly, you don't have
any needs! Right?

Houseplants are
supposed to be easy.

That's you. You're
supposed to be easy!

Grr! I am not a houseplant!

And you are selfish!

Hah? Ha-bah? Wha? Heh? Hah?

How long has it been
since the cable went out?

- Five minutes.
- Gaaah!

I think I'm going through
drama withdrawal!

The pettiness... the politics!

The lying! The screaming!

- The back stabbing!
- The back stabbing!

I never knew how badly I needed

to watch idiots
stuck in a house
fight with each other!

- [Tilly] Well...
- [Cricket] Unbelievable!

- Listen to me for once!
- OK, I'm up to here with you.

- This is my room too!
- You can't just board up...

You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Tilly was just way out
of line. It's my room too,

I should be able to havea secret entrance!

This feels weird.

Oh, no. Just keep
monologuing to us.

You were talkin' about
how upset Tilly made you?

Right! So. Tilly thinksshe
can mess with my stuff,

then I can mess with hers, too.

Today has been a bit
of a wake-up call for Tilly.

After all,
our bedroom belongsto both Cricket and me.

So I should have a sayin whether or
not we shouldhave a hole in the wall.

I feel my only optionis to retaliate.

Ooh-hoo-hoo! A juicy conflict.

Oh, wait. Do your Gramma
duties require you to do
anything about this?

It'll build Character if they
figure it out on their own.

Then retaliate away!

Now, if you'll excuse us,
we're gonna go make popcorn.

[laughing]

Hey! What do you think
you're doing?

Well, since you boarded up
my secret entrance,

I figured the new rule is each
of us can do whatever we want.

So I'mma use your fancy
schmancy mirror. Mwah! Mwah!

In that case, I think
I'd like to have Phoenix

sleep by me for a change!

Okay, that's pushing it!
Phoenix always sleeps by me!

She's my dog too, Cricket.

You know I'm starting
to think Gloria was right.

Maybe this tiny room ain't big
enough for the both of us.

- Whatchu tryin' ta say?
- What I'm tryin' ta say is,

there is only one way
to solve this.

- What do you think we missed?
- What in blue blazes?

- [Cricket groans]
- [both groaning]

- You stay outta my half!
- And you stay out of mine! Hum!

Oh, my gosh!

You guys literally split
your room in two!

Wait, why didn't you
divide it in half?

- We did.
- We did.

No, no, like a line
down the center.

Left and right sides?

Gloria, that's ridiculous.

Left and right change
all the time.

This is left, this is right.

Now that's left
and that's right.

And now this is left,
and that's right!

See? No good.

But up and down are always true.

That's crazy.
Am I right, Alice?

Good work, kids.
Makes perfect sense.

Ugh, never mind.

I obviously got the better
end of the deal,

what with the floor and all.

I disagree
because I can do this.

Whee! Ah.

See? Sky dwellers rule.

What?! That's so cool!

[coughs] I mean, lame!

Hey, Tilly, watch this.

It's in your room, now it's not!

It's in your room,
now it's not! Ha-ha!

Really?! Your shoe?

- [groans]
- I'm team Cricket.

- He's funny!
- I'm team Tilly.

She's savage.

Well, at least you're
out of ammo. Aw!

A third shoe?!

Ha-ha! Well, this is fun.
But I need a juice break.

Ahh! Aww.

Oh! Whoopsie!

Did I leave my ba-na-na
in the hallway?

Oh, whoopsie.
Did I leave my lasso

- around your ankle?
- Whoa!

How is a Tilly supposed
to use the hallway

with banana peels lying around?

[spits] And how is
a Cricket supposed to walk

with lassos lying around?

Looks like our problem
is still unresolved!

- Hmmm!
- Hmmm!

- Hmmm?
- Hmmm?

- We split the house!
- We split the house.

Kitchen? Split.

I control the liquid juice.

I actually prefer
frozen juice concentrate.

Livingroom. Split!

[groans, groans]

[whispering]
That's so cool!

Agh! Are you jealous
of my grabbing forks?

Are you jealous of my TV?

Wait, what happened
to the cable?

Bathroom! Yah! Split!

Just close the door.
I can figure this out.

[whistles]

Gramma and Gloria? Split.

I get their heads and faces.

Have fun with butts, Cricket.

Pfft! Joke's on Tilly!

I'll talk to butts! I love it!

Ugh. Anyways,
how are you two doing today?

OK, this stinks.

I'mma do something
about this. Hup!

- [thunder]
- [Bill] Ooh,
that doesn't sound good.

[Cricket]
Gaaaah... Oof! Ugh...

Ha-ha! I got
my secret exit back!

How you likin'
that breeze, Tilly?

Hmph. Two can play these games.

[groans, groans]

Oh man, I thought
the two of you went to bed.

I'm gonna put on
some coffee! BRB!

Uh! Cricket...
Uh. Looks like I...

Uh! Have a secret exit too. Ha!

Oh, look. Rain.

Delicious.

Hey, what's goin on...
haa... Aahh?

What are y'all doin'
to my house?!

I must admit,
I think we letthings get out of hand.

We'll have to stop
exploitingthe the kids for fun.

- And intervene.
- What?!

But we can't stop here!

I need... the drama.

Well, it has to end soon
before my house falls apart.

Don't these show have
like a big finale or something?

Yes, they do.

[coughs] Standing
before me tonight are
two strong contestants.

Cricket, you are selfish
and irresponsible.

And it's nice to see you get
put in your place for once.

I mean, it's true.
But I don't. Take. Criticism.

Tilly, you grew out
of your nice shell
for the sake of justice.

I respect that.
But I'm 99% sure you ate
all of my cherry lip balm.

It's clear that the two of you
can no longer share a space.

So whoever receive
this rose may stay.

The other... must...
pack your bags and leave!

- Wait... Leave?!
- Wait... Leave?!

Yes. Leave. Move out. Scram!

No, hold on. I don't want
Tilly to move out!

And I don't want Cricket
to move out either!

- Aww, ya mean it, Tilly?
- I mean it, brother.

Well, too bad! That's not
how reality TV works!

One of you has
to leave the island!

One of you has to go!

And that person... is...

- [inhales]
- Now hold on one second.

- Ahh!
- What is this?

Whoever gets kicked out
of their room

must live in the basement
with Gloria.

What?!

[sobs] Betrayal.

So go ahead, Gloria.

Choose who has to go.

I didn't know we'd get
to live with Gloria!

Let's both live with Gloria!

- Gloria! Gloria!
- Nooo!

Ugh! Die! Die! Die!
Die, die, die! Die!

It's suddenly occurred
to me that it's wrong

to view real people's
suffering as entertainment.

You guys can keep
sharing your room.

And therefore not sleeping
anywhere near me.

- All right!
- Whoo-hoo!

I'm sorry for calling you
a house plant, Tilly.

We can keep my secret exit
closed if you want.

Well, how about this,
you can keep the secret exit,

and I can hang up
some wind chimes
to enjoy the breeze!

[loud noise]

Guh! Well, I don't love it,

but... it's a fair deal.

Hey, guys! I finally
fixed the cable.

So you can go back
to watching that show.

- It's back!
- Get outta my way!

Wait, is it wrong
to watch reality TV

now that we know
the harm it can cause?

We don't know the people on TV,

so it doesn't count!

[cheer and laugh]

Aw, they must've been
real bored. Hm...?

What on earth happened here?!

Good TV!

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and
Got bit by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch and
Scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by dogs
Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters ♪

♪ In seven of ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪