Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 22 - Rent Control/Pool's Gold - full transcript

When Gloria's parents visit, she ropes the Greens into escalating lies about her success; Cricket goes on a quest to find the best pool in Big City.


- Shower up, boys!
- [man] Ow!

Ahh, it's good to be back

at the good ol'
community swimming pool.

The people's pool.

Cricket, you know
you're supposed to shower

before goin' into the pool!

Baloney! Ya get clean
when ya get in the pool!

Ehh! I love me this pool!

- Hey! Ugh!
- [heavy grunting]

- Oh. Hi, Gregly.
- Hey, dummy!

You don't actually
like this pool, do you?!

Uh, yeah? It's the best pool
in Big City.

You sucker!
This place is a wet dump!

If you're lookin'
for a good pool, there's one

in that dumb apartment building
next to your weird old house.

Wait. There's
a better pool than this

next to my weird old house?

Thanks for the tip, Gregly.
I owe ya one.


- Family!
- Ugh.

Hey, Cricket!
How's the water?

Inadequate! Listen.

The apartment building
next to us -

next to where we live -

has a better pool
than this pool.

So now we got to leave
this pool and go to that pool.

But Cricket, we don't live
in that apartment building.

So, how can we partake
in its aquatic amenities?

Easy! We sneak in!

It's been too long
since I snuck into a place.

And it's been too long
since I've disrespected

our neighbors. Let's sneak!

[both snicker]

Hmm. Breakin' the rules
runs the risk

of gettin' side-eyed,
and I don't like that.

But I do like
what's goin' on here.

[both snickering]

Well, I don't like it.
Come on, guys,

this pool is fine!
And frankly, I don't approve

of my family trespassin'
on private property!

Too bad, I'm going!

Yeah! Hey, can I go
through here, too?

- Later, Bill!
- Sorry, Papa.

But I'm goin' with the flow.

But you're all gonna miss

Well, more Aquarobics
for me, I guess.

I still can't believe it.

Behind those doors
lies a superior swimming pool,

unbeknownst to me!

We're gonna need a plan,
and a good one.

Tilly, whatcha got?

Tilly has left.

My name is now...
"A. Resident."

I live in that
apartment building,

and I am 26 years old!

I love it, but...
what about the rest of us?

Hey, Greens! You guys
look ready to swim!

You wanna use our pool?

No, thank you...

Yup! We'd love to!

- Mmm!
- Hey!

Ahh, my family doesn't know
what they're missin'.

Emergency! Emergency!

There's a child in the water,

and his safety floaties
sprung a leak!

So now he's drifting
towards the deep end!

If only there were someone

at this pool
who knew how to swim!

Yeah, if only there...
Wait! I can swim!

I wivved my wife
wif no we-gwets...

[both exclaim]

[screaming, grunts]

He saved me!

[all cheering]

Wow! That guy's a hero!

[all cheering]

He totally saved that kid!

Gifts for the hero!

Wait, gifts?

Are y'all just givin' me
this floatie raft?

Sir, you've done enough today.

Now, will you allow us
to shower you with gifts?

Oh, well... [chuckles]
That sounds pretty good!

All right, Greens,
here's the pool!

- [all gasping]
- Holy beans 'n brisket!

This pool is amazing!

And the water doesn't
taste like bleach.

It's liquid paradise!

[both panting]

- Yah!
- Easiest break-in ever!

I gotta hand it to you,
neighbor boy.

This new pool is much better
than the community pool.

And it even brought Mama
and Gramma together.

- [coughing]
- [Brett] Hey, fancy hat!

What you standin' 'round
gabbin' for?

Get in the pool!

Well, when the pool beckons...


Now, this is the best pool
in Big City! Aah!

You dummy. The best pool
in Big City's

- at the Spritz Hotel.
- Huh?

Supposedly, they got
two water slides.

- Ahhh...
- [Brett] And butlers
that deliver room service

to your pool raft!

Hey, guys, great news!
You gotta get out of the pool!

What? But my wrinkles were
just startin' to get pruny!

Might I remind you
we're on a mission

to find the best pool
in Big City?

Well, I found it.
You're welcome.

It's at the Spritz Hotel.
Let's go.

This might not be
the greatest idea.

Sneakin' into a luxury hotel
is no joke.

Well, Mother,
if you're too scared,

that's fine.
But I bet Gramma ain't.

'Course, I ain't scared.

It's Nancy who don't
got the pork chops to do it.

Oh, I have plenty of pork chops!

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!

- Yeah?!
- Yeah!

We're goin'!

Cricket, I liked it better
when Gramma and Mama

weren't fightin'.
We were all havin' fun

at this pool.
Let's just stay here.

Oh, come on, Till,
haven't you heard the saying?

"The grass is always greener
on the other side!"

Now, let's go get
that green grass!

I don't think that means
what you think it means!

Heh, thanks for your
treatin' me so good.

Anything for a hero!

I made a present
for you, Mr. Green!

Thanks. I'll open it later.

Another beverage, Mr. Green?

[chuckles] Why not!

Excuse me, Mr. Green,

can I get anything for you?

Oh, no, I think
I'm about topped up here.

How about my...
phone number?



All right, crew,
our target's in there.

The best pool in Big City!

Who you goin' as
this time, Tilly?

I am a blushin' bride
on her weddin' day,

veiled and beautiful.
I am a guest at this hotel,

and my name is...
"A. Guest."

- Mm... OK!
- OK, listen up.

The two secrets to
sneakin' into a fancy hotel

are to walk fast
and project confidence!

I've been doin'
both those things

since before you could spit!
Let's boogie!

[elevator bell dings]


[bell dings]

Ahh, we fooled her!

- Next stop: luxury.
- [beeping]

Uh-oh. It won't work
without a keycard.

Let me try somethin'.




Ugh. OK, Plan B.

[bell dings]


Heck, yeah!
That's our ticket!

The hotel ventilation system!

Oh, Cricket,
that only works in...

Spy movies and heist movies,
exactly. Boost, please!

Oh, yeah, this is great.

Is it roomy?

It's... room-ish.


Hey, I just saw a mouse
eatin' one of those

little hotel soaps.
That's fun, right?

Oh! This plan
is bad, Cricket.

Yeah, I didn't sign up
to have Nancy's cloppers

swingin' around in my face.

Maybe we should have
stayed with Papa

- at the first pool.
- Are you nuts?

We're on our way to
the greatest pool in Big City!

Now, brace yourselves.
Pool's on the roof,

and we've got a 19-story
vertical crawl ahead of us.

- [groans]
- Mah!

[Cricket] Dad wishes
he was us right now!

He's gonna do it!

[slurping to the tune of
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"]

[all cheering]

[Gramma] I'm inhalin'
too much mouse dust!

[Cricket] Don't worry,
I think I see the top.

[all exclaim, groan]

[gasps] Oh, my gosh!

We found it!
The best pool in Big City!

Ha-ha! Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

- Gotcha!
- Hey, come on!

You all are in violation
of hotel law, subsection pool.

Sneaking into pools
is right up there

with getting in the water
without showering first.

Seriously?! Ya get clean
when ya go in the pool!

Yeah. All of you
are under hotel arrest.

Gosh dangit!

Uh, you wouldn't arrest
a beautiful bride

on her weddin' day, would you?


Oh, dear.
I'm gettin' side-eyed.

My worst fears
have come to life.

[Concierge] Now, stay put
until I figure out

what to do with you!

Wait, wait, wait!
Let us out!

We just wanted to swim!

Come on, kiddo.
I think we gotta give it up.

What?! We can't stop now!
Uh... Look! Another air vent!

We can crawl through it again

and get right back up
to the pool!

- [squeaks]
- [Tilly] Oh, hey!

There's that mouse again!


- Oh, my.
- Yep, there's no way
I'm doin' that again.

[groans] Come on, Mom!
We can do it!

Cricket, I think we've all
been through enough today.

We spent so much time
runnin' around,

we barely got to have
any pool-time fun.

Dangit, you may have a point.
Here we are bone dry

all because I kept on wantin'
something better!

I lost track of enjoyin'...
what's in front of ya!

[all clamoring]

Gee, y'all just keep
givin' me beverages, heh.

Uh, Mr. Green,
the child you saved

would like to give you
an offering!

To my hewo, a dwink
as big as his bwavewy!

Oh, well, I don't know

if I have the room
for such a big...

OK, I guess he's goin'
right there, huh?


That big soda is so heavy,

it's causing the raft to sink!

Quick, mister,
you gotta do something!

Now, hang on a minute, I can...

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no!
Come on! [groans]

He's in trouble!
But who heroes the hero?!

Hello. Does somebody
need assistance?

It's Mark, the local hero!

We've seen him once before!

- Somebody's gonna save us!
- No.

- [all cheering]
- Never fear, Mark is here!

No, don't come! Wait, no!
There's been a mistake.

I'm just trapped
under these cups.

I swam earlier, remember?
I can...

Oh, we're on land now.

- [all cheering]
- You're my hewo!

- [Bill] Seriously?!
- [Mark] Oh, little bud.

I'm just an ordinary guy
doing what's right!

[all clamoring]

I'm... just gonna
grab my number back.

Yoo-hoo! Mr. Hero!

Well, Bill, you're still
a hero to me.

You really mean that, Bill?
Yep, I do, Bill.

Now, what do you say we go home?

Sounds good, Bill.

All right, you pool rats,
listen up!

- What the...?
- [all laughing]

What in the name of chlorine
is goin' on here?!

We made this place a pool!

You guys made a pool
out of a laundry closet?

Care to join us?

Well, actually,
I'm just here to tell you,

turns out, upper management
doesn't really care

about International Pool Law,
so you guys are free to go.

Oh, well, that's good and all,
but I'd rather stay here

and have fun with my family.
If that's OK.

Yeah, whatever.

Best pool day ever!

[all squeaking]

Maybe we should leave.

♪ I got sweat in my eyes

♪ Lost a bet and got
bit by 100 flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big old tree

♪ Hit every branch
and scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by dogs
Bit by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs

♪ I got splinters

♪ In seven and ten

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪