Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 2 - Urban Legend/Wishing Well - full transcript

Bill discovers Gramma has been scaring visitors away on purpose, so he throws a barbecue to befriend them. Cricket sets up a fake wishing well to make money, but when Tilly uses it, he is faced with a dilemma.


One, two, one, two, three, four!

- - I can't
believe they canceled our game

- because of the rain. - Yeah.

- I mean, the bat's made of wood!
- Yeah.

- And the ball's made out of wood.
- Yeah... Wait.

- I don't think it is. -

Is that the Swamp Witch's lair?

- - Sure is.

we better keep moving before she... Ah!

Oh, no, our ball!


I guess you gotta go get it now.

- Me?! You dropped it!
- Fine! We'll both go.


You know, I heard the Swamp
Witch is actually the undead!

- Shh! - Do you see it?

Quiet! You'll wake the witch!

- - No trespassing!

Swamp Witch!

- - Ma, what are you doing?

Can't an old woman laugh
in the rain once in a while?

Hey, Ma,
about last night with those kids?

I wouldn't know what
you're referring to.

Plausible deniability,
Gramma! You're wily.

- Hey, can I try eating a dozen eggs?
- Sure, Tilly.

No, Tilly, we're not going
through this again. Ma, I'm serious.

Why'd you scare
those kids like that?

Listen son,
when y'all aren't looking,

I scare the daylight
out of city folk!

I'm a rattlin' snake!
I'm an open bear trap!

I'm the Swamp Witch of Big City,

- and I eat human bones! - Nope!

- Holy toot!
- Wait, is that why the neighbors don't come around?

we gotta fix this! Mm... Uh... I got it!

What if we throw a barbecue?
We'll invite the whole neighborhood

and show them
we're a nice family!

Grill up some of that
Green family charm!

- What do you think, Til?
- Oh, yeah, whatever you all think is best.

- Hoo-boy, a barbecue! Sounds...
- Swamp Witch says no!

Ma, I don't get it. What's
the worst that can happen?

What can happen? Random
folks will start getting friendly.

Hello, I am a neighbor,
and because you are in no way threatening,

I thought I'd pop in.

- - Well,
that doesn't sound so bad.

You may like people hanging around,
but I don't!

It's just who I am and
I ain't compromising!

Too bad,
we're doing it. How about you, Cricket?

- You love to barbecue.
- Hm, interesting.

Which path will Cricket choose?

On one hand, I do like making
new friends and eating hot dogs.

- But scaring folks is pretty funny...
- Boo!

Yeah, I'm with Gramma!

Good boy. Now, let us recede.

Well, I'm excited for some
new friends and hot dogs.

You're still with us, right,
Tilly? Aw, come on.

Sorry, Papa,
but I'm going for it.

I'm breaking out
the funny apron.

It's important that we seem friendly,
Bill, more than funny.

- Right you are, ex-wife.
- Okay, also, don't call me that.

Now, let's get this barbecue
started. Hey there, neighbor!

- Come have a burger on us!
- No way, I hear there's a Swamp Witch living here.

There's no Swamp Witch here! Just
some nacho chips and fresh guac.

- Come on, let's go!
- Hey, there! Feel free to help yourselves!

- No one's gonna eat ya!
- Ha! It's too late, Billy boy,

the damage has been done!

Now, look,
all this talk of witches is nonsense.

- We're just a regular family.
- Well, what about her?

- Ah! - Hey, I get it.

Alice can be scary.
But she isn't a witch,

she's more of a nice,
regular old lady.

Gramma's like a pine
cone. Spiky on the outside,

and equally spiky on the inside,
but she sure is neat.

What we're trying to say is,
no one here is a witch.

- So, who wants a burger?
- Sure! I do!

- Ugh, great.
- Gramma, we've been waiting all afternoon.

When are we gonna
start scaring people?

Just as soon as I... Huh?

Hi! Don't mind us,
we're just looking for the silverware.

Oh, now you've done it. Get back outside,
you worms!

- What a cute living room!
- Your home is lovely!

- Huh? - Rustic! Into it!

- This is a really nice fish.
- You don't refrigerate your ketchup?

- - Oh, found it!

Thanks so much,
you guys are super-duper nice!

We'll have to pop in more often.

- What? - Pop in!

- No! - Pop in!

Did you hear that?
They want to pop in!

Get ready, Cricket. This Swamp
Witch is going to a barbecue!

Here we go. The moment of truth.

Oh, yeah,
there she is. The perfect criss-cross.

Everyone's gonna love this.

Hey, uh, who wants a burger...

You absolute fools! I
am the Swamp Witch!

And I have a spell for
every day of the week!

Ya'll have the brass
to trespass into my lair?

- Oh, we were invited?
- Then you have been invited into an open grave!

Hey, hey, hey! Over here. That's
just my mom, she's being funny.

No, I'm not! You! You're
cursed! Imp! I summon thee!

Yes, Gramma... I mean, Dark One!

- Whoa! - Imp! Curse that nerd!

Yes, Dark One.

Ow. Hm?

"You're cursed."

- Uh...
- I'll take care of that.

Hang in there. One sec. Here.

"No, you're not cursed,
have a burg' on me. Bill."

- You're Bill, right?
- Fool! You're still cursed!

- Now, boy. -

You're all cursed!

Where's that dang door?

I got it.

- She disappeared!
- Holy smokes!

- She is a Swamp Witch!
- They're really buying it?

Uh, hey! How about some
refreshments to cool everyone down?

Uh, we got sun tea,
store cola, lemonade...

Refreshments, you say?

How about some devil's brew!

- Devil's brew? Really?
- The brew of the devil!

Now, Imp, I demand you to drink of
the brew to demonstrate its power!

As you wish, Dark One. Hup!

No, Cricket,
that's barrel water.

Mm... uh!

Little boy! Are you all right?

- - She turned
him into a chicken!

- He is beast now! -

Ya don't drink barrel water.

Please, turn him back,
we beg of you!

As you wish, mortal. Imp,
I release you!

Psst! Come on!

I was animal in both body and mind,
and it was misery!

- - Seriously, Alice?

that's enough of this. I'm gonna leave,

- and I'm gonna call somebody.
- Yeah, good idea.

No! You can't leave!

I swear,
my ma's just being weird.

just stay for a lemonade.

- Well... -

- She is a witch!
- I am a witch!

- What the heck? -

If ya'll ever come back,
I'll turn your guts into spiders! Uh-oh!

- Now what is she doing?
- Dang it, those are my spare glasses.

- All right, she's dead!
- All right!

Plan B, boy. Hey! I ain't dead!

Swamp Witch can't die!

Wait! It was a kite! She...

- Ma, how could you?
- I could 'cause I can.

And trust me, they'll think twice
before they come back here again.

We've thought about it. And we'd like to
buy these pitch forks and torches, please.

Y'all were really great.

Here's something
for your troubles.

Whoa! Huh? What is that noise?

- Yeah, what is that? - Hmm...

Hey the neighbors are coming
back! They must've changed their...

- - Oh, my gosh, that's a mob.

- Uh-oh. - Oh, this ain't good!

Destroy the witch and
her monstrous family!

Stay back,
you beast! Back! Back!

Everyone inside!

- Take this! -

No more witches!
No more witches!

No more witches! Wait!
You've got it all wrong!

they ain't gonna listen to reason! Come on!

Ah! They think we're monsters.

Hoo-wee! A angry
mob! I did not expect that.

I've never gotten them
this stirred up before.

- Okay, so what's the plan?
- Ah, give them a little time.

They'll cool down, and then we'll never
have another neighbor bother us again.

Right. They'll stop being angry
and go back to being afraid.

Can't even have a
neighborhood barbecue.

Why're you all sad?
Things'll go back to normal.

What about you,
boy? I thought you were on my side.

I... didn't think it would get this bad,

Something about them threatening
our lives makes it a lot less funny.


No more witches! No more...

- The Dark One herself!
- Everyone get her!

- Gramma, what're you... - Halt!

People that live near us,
I have something to show you!

Something I've kept hidden
from you all these years.

I don't really follow,
Gramma. What're you...

- Mwah! - Ah! Gramma! No!

- Not in front of all these people!
- Come here,

- you little sugar booger! - Ah!

I'm not a witch,
I'm a regular gramma!

- Ma, what're you doing?
- Please, Gramma, you're too young to die!

- Oh, uh, actually...
- Shut yer yaps, all of ya!

Y'all looked like a bunch
of sad losers in there,

and I realized I can't just
think of myself anymore.

I've got to compromise and
do what's best for all of you.

- And sometimes Nancy.
- Hey, I'll take it.

I wanna make things
right with the neighbors,

so y'all can feel like part of
the community or whatever.

Aw, Ma,
that's really nice of you.

- Yeah, well, I care about ya.
- Aw!

- You're a regular gramma!
- You're just like my gramma!

Can we play sometime, old lady?

See what I do for you all?

Hey, what do you say we
get back to having a barbecue!

Hey, nice crisscross!

can I try some of that barrel water?

You don't drink barrel water!