Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Cricket's Kapowie!/Car Trouble - full transcript

Cricket is excited when he gets to be in a Big Coffee commercial, but a bad hair day causes him to lose his confidence. Bill trades the Kludge for a cutting-edge futuristic car, but gets more than what he bargained for.


[theme music playing]

One, two! One, two, three, four!

♪ La la la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la ♪

[chicken squawks]

Look alive, Cricket.

The boss, Ms. Cho,
will be here any minute.

Okay-doke. What do you think

Ms. Cho's big announcement's gonna be,

I don't know. Maybe I'll get
a competent co-worker for once.

Unh! I, for one,
hope we get some new T.P.

This one-ply
is chafing my hiney.

- [door opens]
- [Ms. Cho grunts]

Oh, hey, Ms. Cho.

- [grunting]
- Hey! Ho! Hi!

Thank you for the flattering
introduction, Ms. Cho!

My name is Donny Tinselton.

I'm a retired movie director,

and a close chum of Miriam's.

Ahem. I mean, Ms. Cho.

We used to work
in the pictures together.

And what a dazzling star
you still are.

- [flirty grunts]
- Hoh-hoo-hoo!

[uncomfortable groans]

Anyhoo, I'm here to shoot
a commercial for Big Coffee!

[both] A commercial?!

Big Coffee is about to start
selling jelly doughnuts,

and we want the world to know.

I want this commercial
to look natural,

so I need actors
who look plain and simple.

Like a rock.

Lucky for me,
you two fit the bill!

Take a look at the script
for me, would ya?

Try not to be too intimidated
by me, Cricket.

In college,
I took an acting class.

Okay, little boy,
try the first line.

Okay, let's see here.

Ahem. We now carry
scrumptious jelly doughnuts.

Oh, that's dynamite!

And your line is,
"Made fresh every day."

Okay. [dramatically] Made...

No. No, wait.
[British accent] Made...

Ugh! ♪ Maaaade ♪

[sinister] Made...

Let me stop you right there.

That was terrible. You're out.

However, you...

- you've got "it."
- Wow!

I'm gonna give you both lines,

because just look at ya!

Those overalls... dynamo!

No shoes? No problem!

And that hair!
It's your statement piece!

Son, you've got kapowie!

- Kablowie?
- Kapowie!



Oh. Is that good?

Is that good? It's the best!

It's what sets you apart
from these other clowns.

Yeah, I'm just gonna
go on a break.

Okay, bye, Gloria.

Well, I could just
jump right over the moon!

Cricket Green, a star!

Great. Now, be back here
by 5 P.M.

to shoot the commercial,
and be camera-ready.

Ha! You kiddin' me?

This kapowie's
always camera-ready.

- [door opens and closes]
- What a firecracker that one is.

[suspenders creak]

Who's this entering
from stage left?

Another child!

Yes, I heard
through the grapevine

you were shootin' a commercial?

May I be in it?

Why, sure!
We need background actors

to fill the cafe.

You will be
Girl Eating Doughnut.

Hmm, I accept.

You will not be disappointed.

'Scuse me. I must
get into character.

You really don't have to!

She's not your kid, is she?

[funky music]


- Hey, I like your style, kid.
- Me, too.

Dang heavy mirror.
Smooth moves, kid!

Cwicket, high-five!

[both] La-la-la-la-la!

You're the man, Cwicket Gween!

And you have excellent taste.

[TV announcer] Great news!

Milk Hat now comes
in a full gallon!

Now you can enjoy

even more cool frosty milk
on the go!

Thanks, Milk Hat!

Should I get a Milk Hat?


Ha ha! Y'all better get used
to this view,

'cause this little country boy

just got cast
for a Big City commercial,

and it's all because I got

Kapowie? Better put
some ointment on that.

My boy, a genuine star!

Yep! Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm off to get camera-ready,

which is fancy talk
for gettin' purty.

I'm back!

Tilly, you picked up doughnuts!

Well, aren't you
the sweetest... Ow!

These doughnuts are a part

of my creative process.

I will eat as many
as it takes to become...

[dramatic music]

Girl Eatin' Doughnuts.

Oh! Ooh!


Lookin' good, Mr. Kapowie.

- [doink]
- Huh?

Rrr! Well... [slurp]

nothin' a little mouth grease
can't fix.

There he is.


You want to be difficult, huh?

- [buzzing]
- Fine!

All right, easy, Cricket.

Patience and precision.

[dramatic music]



Uh, Tilly, what are you doin'?

Tryin' to find my character.

Feed me my line, please.

Uh, I thought
you didn't have any lines.

You mean a doughnut?

While I'm still
within the scene, please.

Ahh! Mmm!


No! That was all wrong!

My character would
never bite so recklessly.

Hand me another. Ah!

Hello there, family.

You wouldn't know
where we, uh... [cough]...

Keep the glue, would ya?

Why do you need the glue, son?

[laughs] Oh, you know,
crafts and such.

Oop! Heh heh heh.

Son, you're sweatin'
an awful lot.

Let me turn the fan on.

- Dad, wait!
- [roaring]



Don't look at me!

No one look at me!

I think it looks real good, son!

Ma, did you really
have to laugh that hard?


[panting] Ooh!

Hey, watch where
you're goin', twerp!

Wha...?! But that guy
liked my style before!

- [thump]
- Smooth moves, kid.


Cwicket, high-five!

Benny, you do not know
how much I need this...

Two swow, gotta go.

But I'm never too "swow."

Aah! Without my perfect hair,

I don't have any kapowie.

I gotta get my hair fixed
before the shoot tonight!

I need... a hair professional.

[Tilly] I don't care...
[munching] many doughnuts
I have to eat.

I will find my character!


None of these are right.

Well, maybe Girl Eatin' Doughnut

eats her doughnuts like this!



Don't you think you're goin'

a little overboard here, Tilly?

After all,
you are just an extra.

You think Girl Eatin'
Doughnut is just an extra?

Well, I mean, yes?

Girl Eatin' Doughnut
is misunderstood,

sophisticated, and a patriot!

Are you disrespecting
a patriot?!

Sir, no, sir!

Then go out there
and get me more doughnuts!

Sir, yes, sir!


You woulda done well in the war.

I've gots a hair emergency!

- Huh?! Aah!
- Aah!

Sweet hairs above! It's hideous!

Please, I've gotta
get this mess on my head

fixed before five!

We're not going anywhere
near that head!

You call yourselves
hair stylists?!

I will take the boy!

You really gonna help me?

Yes, child, and I'll do it
free of charge.

- For you...
- [music]

...shall be
my greatest challenge yet.

- [disco music]
- Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!


[stylist grunts] [exhales]


It is done.


I'm sorry. There's
nothing more I could do.

I should have known that
going in,

but I'm an optimist!

I'm practically bald!

I can't go out like this!

You gotta do somethin'!

Well, I might have
one other idea.

[funky music]

Wig kapowie.


Huh! Whoa!

Oh, no! It's okay!

A little muddy, that's all!

[truck horn blaring]

Heh! It's all right.
It's still good!


- [ominous note]
- I'm doomed.

Rehearsal time, everyone!

Ooh! Is that a new kind
of picture camera?

How do they make it so small?

Uh, technology?



Here's a nickel for that laugh.

Heh! Hey, everyone!

I'm here for the rehearsal.

- [cawing]
- Aah!

Why won't you stop
tormenting me?!

Oh, there goes
the last little bit of it.

- Mmm.
- Goodness gracious me!

Where'd your statement piece go?

Uh, no matter.

As long as you've
still got your kapowie.

Is the extra ready?

- [weakly] Ready.
- Good, good, good!

Now, remember, small boy,
your line is,

"We now carry
scrumptious jelly doughnuts

made fresh every day."

And... action!

[gulp] We...

We now carry scrumpunch...

No, flumptious. Aah!
Let me try that again.

The line is, "We now carry
scrumptious jelly doughnuts

made fresh every day."

Yes, yes! I got it now!

We now carry
scrumptious smelly...

Not smelly! Not smelly!

Aah! Skip this line!
We'll come back to it!

- [groaning]
- Made fresh every spray.

Aah! Jelly doughnuts?!

Jelly doughnuts!

Cut! Sorry, kid!

You used to have "it."

But now you don't got "it,"

and I need "it."

[screaming] Get it?!

Just to be clear,
"it" is kapowie, right?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Now shoo!

Another child star burns out.

What a shame. What a shame!

Oh! And now I've worked
myself up into a tizzy!

Towel girl!

Why, thank you.
Hey, I like your look.

- What's your name?
- I'm Gloria.

I auditioned this morning
and you rejected me?

Well, things have changed,
and we need a star.

You're back, baby!



Well, I blew it, Tilly.

I used to be
such a confident, cool guy,

and now that I've lost my hair,

I'm nothing.

No, Cricket, that's not true.

If there's one thing
I've learned today,

it's that it doesn't matter
if a doughnut is glazed

or powdered
or "covered in sprinkles,"

they've always got jelly
on the inside!

What are you talkin'
about doughnuts for?

Talk about me!

[groans] All right,
we don't have much time,

so listen close.

You're the doughnut, Cricket.

The jelly is your kapowie.

Your appearance doesn't matter.

It's what's on the inside
that counts.

Now, if you'll excuse me... [urp]

I'm the doughnut?


I'm the doughnut!

All right, let's get started.

Miriam, be my muse once more

- for old times' sake.
- [flirty grunts]

All right! Go time!


[spotlight echoes]

- We now carry...
- Stop the presses!

- I gotta say somethin'!
- Seriously?!

Say, point that camera
down at me, would ya?

Hup! Ah!

All this time, I thought my hair

is what gave me kapowie,

but I now realize
my hair doesn't define me.

I may not have the topping
you all know and love,

but I am full
of the same kapowie jelly

I've always had!

If you cut me open,
it'll all flow out!

- [clapping]
- There he is!

That's the firecracker
I met this morning!

You've got your kapowie back!

And now you can go back
to being the towel girl!

Isn't that great, Gloria?

Ugh! Whatever.

Now what do you say
we get this ball rolling, huh?

Lights, camera, action!

[Donny] Are you in the mood
for some friendly service,

hot coffee, and perhaps being
in the presence of an angel?

Well, come on down
to Big Coffee!

We now carry
scrumptious jelly doughnuts

made fresh every day.

[Donny] So come on down
to Big Big Big Big Big Coffee!

Am I gettin' paid for this?