Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 23 - Night Bill/Cheap Snake - full transcript

Cricket and Tilly discover Bill has gotten a job late at night. Cricket impulsively buys a pet snake which leads to trouble.

[theme music playing]

One, two!
One, two, three, four!

♪ La la la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la ♪

[chicken squawks]

-[Lloyd] Hey!

Who's kickin'
all these cans?

Told ya I can hit him
three times.

What else do we have
to play with?

Hmm. Our options are...

Wait a sec! I got an idea!

Who needs a bicycle
when you got a boycycle!

Hop on, Tilly!


-[Cricket laughs] Wha--?

[both exclaiming]

-[both grunt]

-Well, that was a bust.

Now, what do we do?

How 'bout takin' these
for a ride?


New bikes?!

No need to play
with that old junk anymore.

Wow! So shiny!
So chrome! Mmm-mmm.

You wanna watch us
ride 'em, Dad?

Oh, I'd love to,
but I've got a full day

of farmwork ahead of me.
Plus... [yawns]
I'm a little tired.

But how about you take
your new bikes to the movies?

On me!

-Thanks, Papa.

New bikes and movie tickets?

It's like a prank, but good!

[yawns] Have fun, kids.

Why do you think Papa's
being so generous?

Don't overthink it, Tilly.

[snores] Oh man,
gotta tinkle!

Should probably stop drinking
all this night milk.

-[groans] Huh?
-[door opening]

Dad? Where is he off to?

Hmm... Oh, right! Gotta go!

-Hey, Tilly!

Good mornin', Cricket!

-How'd ya sleep?
-Eh, pretty good.

But last night, I saw Dad
sneakin' out of the house.

-Weird, right?
-Yeah. That is weird.

-[door opens and closes]
-[Bill] Mornin', kids!

I hope you're hungry,
'cause I got donuts!


And not just any donuts!

I went to the fancy place

[both] Ooo!

Look at all these toppings!

Yeah! This one's just a donut
covered in even smaller donuts.

[laps loudly] Thanks, Dad!

Heh! No problem.

(yawning) Y'all deserve
the best. [sighs]

Are you gonna join us
for breakfast, Papa? Papa?

-Papa, wake up!

Ahh! Oh, heh, sorry, sweetie.

I'd love to, but I've gotta...
(yawning) go milk the eggs.

Huh. [eats loudly]
That was weird.

Yeah. Sneakin' out at night.

Buyin' us all kinds
of nice stuff.

What do you think
he's up to, Cricket?

Well, he's definitely
hidin' somethin'.

But as long as he keeps
bringin' home

all this sweet stuff,
I "do-nut" care.

Eh? Ehhh? All right, fine.
We'll figure out
what he's up to.








What are you up to, Papa?

[both gasp]

-[Cricket] What is
this place?
-[phones ringing]

Mm-hmm, that's right, sir.
It's called "Beef-Up."

The only protein shake
with "beef" in the name.


[printer dinging]

This place is so weird!

Everyone looks so tired!

Quick, hide!

[yelps] Everyone! Look sharp!

This boss is comin'!

Huh? The boss?

Bill Green!
Where's Bill Green?!

-[toilet flushing]
-Uh, uh, here, sir!

Oh, my gosh! Dad works here?

Yes, sir! Uh, what can
I do for you, Jyle, sir?

You haven't sold enough cases
of Beef-Up protein soda.

What's your excuse?

Well, I uh...

I thought I was doin' OK!

OK isn't good enough!

Let me tell you
something, farmer.

I'm number one
at everything I do.

Whether it's selling Beef-Up
or winning season 14

of the hit '90s competition show
"Global Fight Race."

-[Jyle laughing]
-[horses whinnying]

Worship me!

I don't lose!

Oh, sorry, sir.
It's just that

sometimes, people don't want
to buy the product.

And, well, I don't want
to be rude.

Dang it, Green!
That's a number two mindset.

We don't do number two here.

And if you drink
as much Beef-Up as I do,

you'll never
do number two again!

[gulping] [grunts]


Now, back to work, everyone!
Sell more Beef-Up!

Especially you, Green!

[sighs] "Hello,
sir and/or madam,

I want to talk to you
about Beef-Up.

The world's first
carbonated protein shake."

What? You'll take five cases?

Oh, that's great!
Uh, let me just get your--

-[phone clicks, dial tone]

This is where you been
sneakin' off to? What gives?

It's not even fun here!

Cricket? Tilly?
Argh! Ya pulled the old

"pig in the bed" again,
didn't ya?

Papa, why are ya doin' this?

Guess there's no point
in hidin' it anymore.

Workin' here is how
I've been able to afford
all that new stuff.

I've been sneakin' around,

Oh, it's embarrassin'.

[Bill] You're always playin'
with that old junk in the yard.

And it made me feel like
I wasn't bein' a good provider.

Everyone in this city
has fancy stuff,

and I didn't want you kids
to feel different.

So, I took this second job,

in order to earn
some extra money.

Oh, Papa. We had no idea.

If we have to choose
between havin' you around

or fancy new things,
we choose you!

Isn't that right, Cricket?


Uh... yeah! Yeah!
Dad, for sure. Dad's great.

Although, the stuff
is pretty great, too.

I mean, man, do I love
the new bikes!

And those donuts were...

[nervous laughter]

But Dad, yes. I choose Dad.

Definitely Dad.

Papa, we don't need
any fancy new toys.

We just need you.

Aw, kids. That's so sweet.

Maybe you're right. Yeah.
Let's get outta here.

-I quit!
-[Jyle] Nuh-uh-uh!

Sorry to burst your bubble,
but you signed a contract.

According to this baby,

I own your dad
for one whole year!


Cricket, hurry! Eat this!

[eats loudly]

[gulps] Aah! Ha!

You don't own 'im anymore!

Tilly, don't make
your brother eat paper.

Uh, that's just a copy.

But you two got spirit.

Here - have a commemorative
"Global Fight Race"
trading card.

There's only one,
so you'll have to
fight over it!

As for you!

Take off that silly hat!

This is an office, not a barn.

Now, get back to work!

Well, you heard the boss.

Quittin' was a nice thought,
but I signed a contract.

It's not too bad here.
It's gonna be fine, kids.

"Hello, my name is
'Say Name Here,'
and I want to..."

This isn't right, Cricket.

Papa belongs on the farm,
not in an office!

We gotta do somethin'!

But we tried! Sorry, Tilly.

But ya win some, ya lose some.


[Tilly] You win some...
ya lose some...

[gasps] Papa!

I know how to get you
out of your contract!

We are gettin' ya outta here!

How many times do I have
to tell you?

-No eye contact!
-[whimpers] Sorry, sir!

You're doing it right now!

-Sorry, sir!
-[Tilly] Hey, boss man!

We challenge you to a race!

A challenge?


I knew I liked you kids.

-You, down!

So, what are we playing for?

-The freedom of Bill Green.

If we win, our dad goes free.

And if I win, the farmer
works here for two years.

Two years, huh?
Make it five!

-I don't think that's
such a great i--

We're gettin' our Papa back.

Not a chance.
I never lose a...

Fight Race!
Office Edition!


Pretty sure my insurance
doesn't cover this.

It doesn't!

Now, listen up, Greens.
Here's how this is gonna work.

One lap around the office.
Standard Fight Race rules apply.

And once I beat you,
this hat's going right
in the paper shredder.

[laughs maniacally]
Start the race, Linda.

Three... two... one.

[all screaming]

-[whip cracking]
-Whoa! Aah!

[Cricket] Yeah, c'mon, Dad!





Ah! Watch out!

[gasps] [grunts]

Don't worry, Papa!

His staples are no match

for my staple remover!

Aah! No! A stapler's
only weakness!


[tires squeal]

Fine. I like a challenge!

-[Jyle exclaiming]
-[Employee yelping]

[all exclaiming]

-[Employee] Oh!
-Go, go, go!

Oh, hey, did you hear?
It's Steve's birthday.

Oh, really?

[all exclaiming]


-Is there cake?

Go, Papa! We're in the lead!

Ha! We're doin' it! Huh?

-Oh, hey, Mark.

How ya holdin' up?

Oh, you know. TGIF.

[chuckles] Ow!



[struggling] [grunts]

[Employee struggling]

See ya later, Greens!


Ha-ha-ha-ha! [grunts]

-[Jyle struggling]
-[Cricket] See you later!

Move, you idiot. Move!

[Jyle laughing]

Whoo! Fight Race
is back, baby!

Look - the finish line!

C'mon, Papa! You can do it!


Closer than I thought.

Time to pull out
all the stops!

Tack attack! Yah!

Papa, no!



Dang it, Jyle!
That's not fair!

Anything's fair
in a Fight Race!

Mwah! Later, losers!

[groans] Darn thin-skinned
loafers! I'm so sorry, kids.

[groans] What are we gonna do?

[gasps] Over there!

Looks like it's time...
to Beef-Up!


Cricket, what are you do--

[all screaming]

-[Greens exclaiming]

You can't beat me!
I'm number one!

[screams] [gargles]

My eyes! It burns!

Oof! [whinnys]

No, no, no, no! [screams]


[all cheering]

We won! We did it!

[chuckles] Oh, man.
That was so much fun!

Way more fun
than ridin' a bike.

Yeah, Dad.
Spendin' time with you

is way better than anything
you could buy.

Aw, thanks, Cricket.
I'm glad to know

you like me more than
ya like... things.

Just barely.

I'm... number... one...

Ah. Good to be back.

Papa. I found
your original contract!

Thanks, sweetie.
Cricket, will you
do the honors?

My pleasure!

[munches loudly] [gulps]

[all] Yay!

Now, let's go!

[grunts] Pah!

I think I swallowed a staple.

To the emergency room!

There's so many things
we can do today!

Ooo, the dessert pizza truck
is two blocks away!

-Sure, that sounds good.
-Wait, no.

The line's already
three hours long.

Hmm. Ooh! We could go see

one of the 12 new
superhero movies that are--

Nope, they're all sold out.

-[Remy] We could go to the--
-[Cricket groans]

No, we can't
do that either.

[groaning continues]

Or, let's try-- Nope.

Those sold out
two weeks ago.

Plans, plans, plans!

Ya can't plan for fun!
Fun has to be spontaneous!

You just gotta look around
real fast and make a decision!

[gasps] Pet sale!
Let's buy a pet!

Good morning, Mr. Wrinkles.

It's feeding time. Ya hungry?

(mouth full) Open up!

-[door bell jingles]


I would like to purchase

the coolest,
most impressive animal

two quarters can buy.

Last time I sold one of these,
I got in a lot of trouble.

But second time's the charm.

-[glass squeaks]
-Hello, little guy.

I'm your new daddy.

Oh, you're a cute
little frog!

-[Cricket] Oh, that's
not a frog.

That's a snake.

Ooh, it's a huge,
massive snake.

She's a Patagonian Python!

-Ooo! Me likey.

Don't pythons live for,
like, 30 years?

I guess we'll have to
look up what it eats
and how often.

-And we'll need
the cage, of course.

♪ Snakey is my best friend
I made a good decision ♪

Wow! I can't believe
you just bought a snake!

This is so exciting!

I know! See?
Not havin' a plan is the best!

We didn't know
this was gonna happen today,

and it's amazing!

I live my life
by the immortal words

of a commercial
I once saw on TV.

Oh, man. School's boring.

What? Whoa!


Yeah! Whoa!

No think. Just do.

A darn good slogan,
if I ever heard one.

Oh, my gosh! A snake!
That is so cool!

Can we take a picture with you?

Why, of course!

[bluegrass music plays]

-[brakes squeaking]
-[horns honking]

Hello, Gloria!

Three hot chocolates
for three best friends,

You mean "two."

Heh. I think I know
how many friends I have, Gloria.

-[air escaping]
-What the--?

[glass breaking]

[all struggling]

Oh, Snakey, come on!
That is so rude!

Get outta here!

Well, we were leavin' anyway!

-[Snakey hisses]
-Cricket, I'm starting
to think

that this wasn't
a good decision.

Resist that feeling, Remy.
I know with all my heart

that we made
the best decision we could.

-[Snakey hisses]

Aw, somebody wants to see
their new home, don'tcha?

Item Number One is a rock
shaped like a "thumbs up."

We'll start the bidding
at $100!

Do I hear a 100, $100?
I need 100. Sold!

To the distinguished lady
in the front row.

-[Snakey hisses]

-[animal noises]
-Hey, now!

You can't run out
on an auction.

You're financially obligated!


Cricket, why is there
a giant snake
hissin' in my face?

Aw, Snakey's sayin' "hello."

-Snakey, huh?
Nice to meet you.

What's your story?

-[demonic chanting]

Uh... Eh...

Aah! I don't know
about this snake, Cricket.

Oh, me neither. But that's OK!

I'm tryin' to show Remy here
that you can't plan fun.

Ya just gotta do it!

So I bought a snake
and named 'im "Snakey."

And how do you plan
to explain this to Papa?

[Bill] Hey, kids!

I'm goin' out for a while

to pick up some feed
for the animals.

So be good,
'cause I won't be here

to stop ya from doing
anything you want.


See, Tilly?
I didn't plan for that,

and it worked out anyway.
C'mon, Snakey!

I'll show ya where
you're gonna live forever!

So this is your new room.

And this was
my last pet, Phoenix.

Ha! Just kiddin'!
You shoulda seen your face!

-That's Phoenix down there.

- Alive and well!

I can tell we're all
gonna be best friends.

Here, you can have
Tilly's bed!


[hisses and rattles]

Cricket, snakes can't sleep
in people beds.

He needs to be contained.
A place to hide and feel safe.

He looks perfectly happy to me.


[all gasp]

[hissing and rattling]

Aw, Snakey, don't hide!

Come on out! Come on.

-Come on out of there,
ya little stinker.

Oh! The snake is in the walls!
The snake is in the walls!

I'll use my smashin' helmet
to make another hole
and get 'im out!

-I don't think that's a--
-First idea is best idea!


-Come here, you. Hm?
-[things breaking]

[Cricket screaming]


Oh, look at that.
He came out on his own.

Comin' at ya!

-[grunts] Gotcha!

Ya little rascal!

-Now, who's hungry?

OK, I got hot dogs,
bananas, sour straws.

Long foods perfect for
a long snake.

Actually, I think he eats mice
and small rodents.

Uh, Remy, who's
the snake owner here?

Well, I mean, I read
a couple of books once--

Ah! Uh! Ow!

This is a guessin' game,
and I guess... hot dogs!

Here, Snakey.
Eat your hot dog.

It'll make you grow
big and strong.

-There ya go! You love it!

Oh, look, he's dancin'!


[laughs] There's more
where that came from, buddy.

Oh, I guess it's huggin' time.

Oh, it's a big hug!

Speaking as a hugging expert,
that is not a hug of affection.

Ah! It's OK, guys.
I can hold my breath.



OK, so Snakey
is large and strong

and has an unpredictable

But I'm sure
a little discipline
will set him straight.

[TV Announcer]
And now back to
"Crafting with Clementine."

Today we'll be
knitting sweaters for puppies!

You're doin' good work,


-Cricket, you know better

than to sneak up on me
during Gramma time.

Sorry, Gramma.
But I got a new pet!

And he has a little
behavior problem.

-Can you help?

-Please help.
-All right, fine.

Besides, Clementine's
starting to bum me out.

Let's make a nice mug
for our grandsons.

Oh, I wish they visited
more often.

All right, lil pooch,
time for ol' G-Maw

to teach you some-- Gah!


Aah! That's a sna--! A sna--!

Oh, I see you've met Snakey.

You didn't tell me your pet
was one of them devil worms!

How do they move with no legs?

Actually, they move
their muslces and scales

-in a lateral--
-Son, don't you lecture me

while I'm panickin'!

Snakey, I'd like you to meet
your new gramma.

Be gone!


Oh, now he's really mad!


OK, look, Snakey's
probably nervous,

'cause it's his first day
of his new life,

but I'm sure
by tomorrow morning,

Snakey will be
in a much better mood.


Cricket! You look
real dandy today.

Well, thank you!

Good, now that I've
buttered you up

with a compliment,
here's a harsh truth.

You need to take Snakey
back to the pet store.


How dare you?

I have to agree, Cricket.
This was a bad idea.

Snakey is just
too much for you.

What a couple of
fair-weather friends.

I'm startin' to believe
I don't even look nice today!

Cricket, please.

You don't think Snakey
was a good decision?

Uh... it wasn't your best?

Also, he did wreck the house.

OK, but...
We just gotta try harder!

We're gonna
make this work, OK?

Snakey! [gasps] Snakey!

Oh, it's just a mirage.

Oh, man. Bein' a first-time
snake owner is hard.

Am I wrong about all this?

"No think. Just do."

That's right! Thank you,
random billboard.

I'm just gonna keep bein'
spontaneous and impulsive.


I'm just gonna go ahead
and ignore that.

Hey, I'm back
from the feed store!

Uh, say, I can't find
any of the animals.

Could ya keep an eye out
for 'em?

Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.

Snakey! Snakey! Hm?

[muffled oinking]

[muffled bleating]

[muffled clucking]


What are we gonna do
when your dad finds out?

Finds out about what?

[Cricket screams]

Oh, I'm not even
touchin' that.

Touchin' what?!

-[Cricket screams]

Cricket, what is goin' on?!

-My snake! He ate the animals!

[Cricket struggling]


Uh! It's too fast.

Even if we did catch him,

how do we get
those poor animals out?

[gasps] The farm spool!

[Remy] We can roll him up
like a tube of toothpaste!

Remy, that's a weird plan.

But it's a plan, nevertheless!

You two, hold him down!



[all straining]

We got him! Hurry!




-OK, last one!

-[all straining]

-[all scream]

He's gettin' away!


He's goin' into
the back alley!

If we pause and try
to think this through,

we can come up
with another plan!

No. No think. Just do!



Oh, gosh.

Just use the gate!

Please, use the gate, son!

Uh. Right. Thanks, family.


Hello, Snakey.

You've really disappointed me.

A pet of mine eating
another pet of mine.

(muffled) [clucks]

I'm sorry to do this to ya,

but I need that chicken back!


Uh! Yah!



-[all] Cricket!

-[all gasp]

[Cricket] (muffled) Uh, Remy?
What was that about a plan?

(muffled) [clucks]

Let's go get the farm spool.


Well, friends, after today,
I have come to the realization

that even if
you don't like plans,

sometimes it's better
to have one.

Snakey, you belong
in the jungle.

Or maybe the swamp.
Or the desert?

Wow, I really learned
nothin' about snakes.

-Excuse me, lady?

I need to return my snake
to your store.

Kid, there is no store

I'm going out of business.

Why else do ya think
you got a snake for 50 cents?

What? I just thought I was
a master negotiator.

Oh, no. Now, if you'll
excuse me,

I'm moving to the Galapagos!

Wait! You can't just leave!
I can't handle a snake!

Well, what are we
gonna do now?

[gasps] Wait! I know!

-Snakey should go with Remy!

Son, I thought you said
you were gonna

think things through
from now on.

No, I-- I've thought
about this.

You're cautious,
you know a lot about snakes,

and you can afford to buy him
anything he needs!

That actually makes
a lot of sense!

Well, Remy, what do ya think?

-Aw, he is really cute.

Well... I think...

Call me
"Remy the Reptile Boy"!

Ooh, that sounded better
in my head.


Buh-bye! [giggling]

Bye, guys!

I'm sure gonna miss Snakey.

But at least I got
my new pet,

this scorpion I found
in the gutter! Scorpy!

-Cricket, I don't--
-No, no, no!


♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet
and got bit by 100 flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big old tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch and
scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Licked by a frog ♪

♪ Got a rash on my legs ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
at seven and ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow,
I'll do it all again ♪