Big City Greens (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 14 - Rated Cricket/Homeshare Hoedown - full transcript

[theme music playing]

One, two!
One, two, three, four!

♪ La la la la la la la la ♪

♪ La la la la la ♪

[chicken squawks]

Wow! A Big City
movie theater!

Back home, the theater
only had one screen,

and an owl infestation.

This'll be
a nice change of pace

for our family
movie night!

Yaayy!



Huh? Kiss of Death?

Coool!

-Next, please.
-Hey, there.

We'll take
four tickets for--

Hey, give me a million tickets
for Kiss of Death!

I'll pay
with all my jelly beans!

Kiss of Death?

Yeah! I only just saw
the poster,

but I think it's
about an undead rebel

on a quest for vengeance.

He leaves a trail of carnage
and destruction in his path!

It's perfect
for a manly dude like me!

Sounds inappropriate.

Besides, we've already
decided to go see
Croblins 2!



Golly gee!
Croblins 2!

Aw, come on, Dad!

Croblins is for babies!

I want to be treated
like an adult,

and you want to take me
to a movie about pixies

singin' songs
and eatin' candy!

I'm a man now.

I'm basically the patriarch
of this family,

-after Gramma.
-Smart boy.

I just don't think
you're mature enough

for a movie
like Kiss of Death.

Besides, in Croblins,
sometimes they throw in
jokes only adults get.

That's just as good!

Plus, it'll probably have
a dance party at the end.

You love dance parties,
Cricket!

Heh heh, yeah, I sure do.

I mean, that sounds dumb!

You're still a kid.

You don't need
to be in such a rush
to grow up.

So who's ready
for Croblins?!

[chanting]
Croblins! Croblins!

-Croblins!
-Mmm!

Since we're here
a little early,

I'll go grab us
some popcorn.

Meet you
in the theater.

I'll go save us some seats
before the good ones
get taken.

It'll be dog-eat-dog
in there!

-Aah!
-Aah!

Well, I'm gonna
go explorin'!

Ha! Heyah!

Whoo!

-[Cricket] What the-- ?
-[giggling and cheering]

Oh, man, just look
at all these little kids.

Of course they're all
goin' to see Croblins!

Take a photo of me, Mommy!

Oh, so precious!

Croblins!

[high-pitched voice]
Toot, toot, bajoo!

Croblin wants to hug you!

Oh, I'll give ya a hug!

I love you, cardboard Croblin.

Ooh!

Listen, Croblin,
I don't like you!

I love bein' silly!

Well, I don't wanna see
a silly movie!

I love all the babies
in the world!

Yeah?
Well, I'm not a baby!

I'm a mature adult
who does mature things!

[teenage boy]
Hey, what are you doing?

Uh, he started it, officer.

'Sup?

Wow! Teenagers!

Love the way
you trashed that Croblin.

That was very fire.

We hate Croblins.

Like, literally.

Right?
They're the worst!

They're all like,
"Toot, toot, bajoo!"

[all laughing]

Good one, dude.

Thanks. So is your dad
also makin' you see Croblins?

[scoffs]
I don't listen to my dad.

We're seein'
Kiss of Death.

[gasps] Hey! That's
the movie I want to see!

Uh, I mean, that's
the movie I am seein'.

Can I sit
with you guys?

Sure, man.

Hey, can I scope
that sweet Croblins
impression again?

Oh, you mean this one?

Ooh! I love hugs!

[laughing]

-Oh, wow.
-That's good.

Watchin' this movie
with some teens

will definitely
up my maturity game.

Exploring!

Exploring!

Explor--

Oh, hello.

Do you need
some 3-D glasses?

3-D glasses?

That's right!

"See
a whole new dimension."

Huh! A whole new dimens--

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aaaaah!

Kid, are you okay?

This new dimension
is so similar,

yet so different.

You know they only work
when you're watching
the movie, right?

In this dimension,
this must be
some kind of hat!

This takes my explorin'
up a notch.

"Best Popcorn
in the Galaxy"?

Don't mind if I do.

-Next.
-One large popcorn, please.

Comin' right up.

You know, popcorn is one
of my favorite foods.

Fascinating.

Uch! This popcorn
is cold and stale!

This bucket says
"Best Popcorn in the Galaxy."

Yeah. It's just like
a bunch of words
on a bucket.

What?! No, son.
It's a promise.

And, by golly, I'm gonna
make sure it's an honest one.

Uh, sir? Sir!

Now, I gotta find
the best seats.

Aha!

Time to take what's mine!

[moaning]

[feeble voice]
Excuse me, young man.

I'm tryin' to find
some seats,

but my eyes just aren't
what they used to be.

Well, how many seats
do you need?

Well, one for me,

one for my son,
my doctor, and my priest,

because, well,
you just never know.

Uh, you know what?

Why don't you take
our seats?

Oh, my!

What a nice young man.

[straining]

Thank you!

Heh! Suckers.

All right, Kiss of Death,
here we come!

Hey, folks, welcome
to Kiss of Death.

Please have
your tickets ready.

[gasps] Ticket!

There you go.

-[sneezes]
-[Cricket] Bless you.

Hey, wait a minute.

Curse my good manners!

Sorry, kid. I can't let
you in without a ticket.

Oh, I think I just
misplaced it is all.

You guys go get seats,

and I'll get
this sorted out.

How does that sound?

That sounds...

[whoosh whoosh]

...cool.

Okay, great,
see you guys in a minute.

All right, partner,
I think we both know

I'm tryin' to sneak
into this movie.

But I'm very mature
for my age,

and I think you should
consider lettin' me in.

I do like your
straightforward honesty,

but I can't let you in
without a ticket.

Completely understand.

I'll be on my way now,
good sir.

He really was
mature for his age.

-Aaah! I wanna see
the movie!
-Hey!

It's not fair!

Fine. I'll just find
another way in.

Aha! I'm comin' for you,
Kiss of Death!

Hey, stop!
Security!

A new dimension!

The paradigm shifts
before my very eyes.

The land is lush and fertile.

Let's see how the food is.

Oh, my gosh. I had no idea
you were sentient.

This must be
the power reactor.

Keep up the good work,
Mr. Engineer!

Huh? Aah!

The key to great popcorn
is the right ingredients.

Like a nice cob
of home-grown
Montgomery Reserve.

You just carry
that around with you?

Oh, never leave home
without one.

-Add a little salt.
-[sizzling]

Take a whiff. [sniffs]

Smell the difference?

[sniffs]

Huh. I-- I can smell
the difference!

Ya see? Soon, you'll be makin'

the Best Popcorn
in the Galaxy.

Ahh! Best seats in the house.

Hey! That seat's taken!

-Scram!
-Ohh!

-Nuh-uh!
-Aah!

Grr!

-Aah!
-Aah!

Heh. Piece of cake.

Huh?

Oh, boy, best seat
in the house.

You might be
a bit harder to toss.

[panting]

Aw, shoot! A dead end!

[female security guard]
Hey, kid,
come outta there!

Oh, man, oh, man!

Time to come out, kiddo!

Nnn!

Oh, geez, there's
gotta be another way
into the theater!

I can't believe it!

-It's right there!
-Aha! Found you!

-Aah!
-[Tilly] Yes! You found me!

I am new to this world.

We are discoverin'
each other.

You are
a beautiful creature.

Okay, time to go.

Take me to your leader!

Thank you, Tilly.

Yaah! Ooh!

Hey, guys!

You're just in time,
dude.

The movie's
about to start.

Ooh, boy!

Sounds like
she's about done.

Wow! I've never seen
such a perfect yield!

What are you waitin' for?
Try some!

[revelatory music playing]

-[moans]
-Whoa! Are you okay?

This is the best popcorn
I've ever tasted!

From now on,
I will work to maintain

the high standard
of popping corn

we've set here today!

I'm proud of you, son.

Excuse me!
Can I get my popcorn now?

My movie starts
in five minutes!

Of course.
With this new technique,

I'll have your popcorn
ready in about an hour!

-I'm missing the previews!
-What about my popcorn?

What have you done?

Oh, uh, quality
over quantity?

Get his popcorn!

[all shouting]

Aah!

Back, creatures!

Get away from
my alternate dimension Papa!

Come on, Tilly!

After that popcorn!

Back!
Back, you animals!

Popcorn!

[gobbling]

Ooh! That was close!

Thanks, Tilly.

You're welcome, alt-Papa.

But now I must return
to my own dimension.

Tell alt-Tilly I said hi.

Uh, okay.

Take care of yourself,
alt-Papa.

Oh, hi, Papa.

Let's go. Our movie's
about to start.

Tilly, sometimes
you make me worry.

Hey, fella,
you're in my seat!

Who do you think
you are?!

Uh, as you can clearly see,

I am the Number One
Croblin Fan.

I was
bein' rhetorical!

Now get outta that seat!

I'm savin' it
for the family!

Get out!

Hey, Ma, we made it!

Finally!

This dullard took
one of my seats!

Oh, it's fine, Ma.

Let's enjoy the movie.

Popcorn, sweetie?

-Mmmm!
-This tastes great, Papa.

[actress] Some people have
near-death experiences.

But I think
I got closer to death

than any girl
in the whole world.

[thunder]

Ooh, this is gonna be good!

I know what you are!

You're dead!

[chattering]

Ooh! Skeleton monsters!
All right!

But even though
you're dead,

you'll always live
in my heart.

[romantic music playing]

Uh, ha! Nice fake-out.

That skeleton's gonna
rip her apart any second now.

It's getting cold.

[shy laugh] Thanks.

Uh, what is goin' on here?

Are you guys enjoyin' this?

Guys?

Hmm. Well, I'm sure

we'll get to somethin'
exciting soon.

[xylophone plinking]

Where's all the car chasin'

and the explosions and the--

[gasps] No!

No, no! Oh, no!

No, no, no no no!

I love you.

[chattering]

Mmm!

No! Aah! What is happening?!

Guys, what the heck
kind of movie is this?!

Aaah! I gotta get
outta here!

-Hey, watch out!
-Hey!

[gasping] Ooh!

-Hmm?
-Hmm?

Aaah!

Hey, where's Cricket?

He should have
been here by now.

Aaah! Ooh!

Guys, I found you!
Oh, it was awful!

They kept touchin'
and smoochin'.

Then I turned to my side
and they were smoochin'!

I don't wanna grow up
and have to smooch skeletons!

Oof!

This is why I hate kids!

You little scamp.

You got rid of him!

Boy, don't ever grow up.

I don't plan on it.

I don't plan on it.

[announcer] And now for
our feature presentation,

Groblins 2!

Toot, toot, bajoo!

[farts]

[raucous laughter]

That's comedy!

Ahh! Quittin' time!

Another day,
another free scone!

Hey, for the last time,

those aren't free.

Whah-ahh...

Well, at least dinner
at home is free.

So, Gloria, what you
doin' after work?

I've got some guests
coming over to stay
at my apartment

through Sharebnb.

Sharing bees?
Why would you do that?
I hate bees!

What? Of course you
wouldn't know what that is.

Sharebnb is a service

where you rent out
your home to guests,

and in exchange,
they pay you money.

Wait a second!
I'd like to have money,

and I live in a house!

[hyperventilating]

Now that you mention it,

your house would be
perfect for Sharebnb.

[gasps]

Then all we have to do
is give 'em a bed

and make 'em breakfast,

and then the money
just rolls in!

It's so easy!
We gotta do it!

Hold on just a minute,
Cricket.

Money never just
"rolls in."

Eh? Bread roll?

You get it?

Boo!

Come on, Dad.

Gloria set it all up
for me.

It's easy money.

Well, I do appreciate
your initiative,

but my point is
money never just
comes in easy.

You have to work
hard for it.

This is different, Dad!

The house does
all the work for you

just by bein' a house!

Sounds fun.

I can make them
somethin' fancy
for breakfast,

-like cereal.
-[yowls]

All right,
but only if you promise

to see this commitment
through no matter what.

Yeah, yeah, I got it.

[slurping]

I don't know.
Seems complicated.

Don't worry, Gramma.
It'll be a piece of cake.

[Gramma and Tilly laughing]

Oh, come on!

Ooh, I can get
one of those and one of those,

and six of those.

[gasps]
Mr. Clang Clang!

-[knock on door]
-They're here!

The cash cows!

[barking]

Well, hello there.

Hi! Welcome to
the Green residence! Aah!

-Hi, I'm Justin!
-And I'm Val!

-And I'm Justin!
-And I'm Val!

Wow! Just wow!

You guys have got
the most authentic house!

Wow! Just look
at that porch!

It's so distressed
and authentic!

Listen to that creaking!

Oh! When we saw
your house on Sharebnb,

-we just had to see it
in real life.
-[Justin sniffing]

And, boy, does it deliver.

Just to be clear,
you will be paying us
to stay here?

Oh, yes.

-Cool.
-Mmm!

I-- I mean,
come on inside.

I'll get you situated.

I can't wait!
[gasps]

It's so charming!

It sure is!

I think you'll really
enjoy your stay!

And you thought
this would be hard.

There's the living room.

Love it!

Hallway-- floor, ceiling,
wall. [raspberry]

So authentic!

Just make sure
you stay out of my way.

Wow!
A real country gramma!

What a trip!

And here we are.

Hey, where'd
the other one go?

[whistles] Here, boy!
[snapping]

And here we are.

The Bill Green Suite.

-Ahh!
-Ooh!

My room? Really?

Guess it does
make the most sense.

A little warnin'
would have been nice.

'Scuse me. I just
need to grab this.

Ha ha! Whoopsies!

Make yourselves at home.

All right, Dad,
let's get out of their room.

They need to catch up
on their sleep.

But it's the middle
of the day!

Good night!

Well, that's that.

Time to sit back, relax,

and let the money roll in.

[TV playing]

[gunshots]

So... what's the plan
for today?

-The itinerary?
-The schedule?

Well, I was gonna watch TV.

Kind of thought you'd stay
in your room until breakfast.

[laughing hysterically]

We'd like to do
a bunch of fun farmy things.

Like collect eggs.

Milk a cow.

Wash a pig!

What?! Those are
all just chores!

Sounds good to me.

You are gonna work hard to
please your guests, right?

Yes, Dad!

Fine. Let's go do chores.

-Yay!
-Yay!

[music playing]

-Ooh!
-Ooh!

-[chickens squawking]
-[Cricket screaming]

-[stretching sound]
-[angry mooing]

Aah! Ooh!

Aaah!

-[squealing]
-Whoa oh oh oh!

[both laughing]

[laughing]

[groans]

Well, we did
every chore twice.

There's nothing
left to do.

There must be something
more we can do.

Come on, small boy.

Can't you think
of just one more thing?

[growls]

[gasps] You know, we could

-go on a good,
old-fashioned possum hunt.
-[both] Possum hunt?!

Look! There goes a real
and not-at-all-fake
possum now!

[gasping in rhythm]

Yeah! Hurry up now!

Go, go go!
It's gettin' away!

[Val]
Here, possum, possum!

[Justin]
I'm gonna get ya!

[laughing]

Yeah, got 'em.

Hey, Cricket.
How's hostin' goin'?

Great. We're
all takin' a break.

You said you'd
do this thing,

and, by golly,
you're doin' it.

I'm real proud
of you, son.

I'm proud of me, too, Dad.

Phew! Time to take
a well-deserved nap.

[yawning]

What the...

Cricket! We've got
new roommates!

What?!

Little boy, you sure
know how to entertain.

Aah! [panting]

How'd you guys escape?!
I mean...

We never saw the possum,

but the chase
was exhilarating!

Also, we switched rooms!

This one is just
so much more authentic
than the other one.

-What does that even mean?!
-[clicks]

I love this room!

-What's this ladder made of?
-[knocking]

Is that wood?
Is that real wood?

-What is that made of?
-It's wood!

Listen, I'm sorry to say,
but I have had enough of--

Snack time!

Sorry to interrupt,
but I'm just so
dang proud of you.

You're lettin' 'em stay
in your room?

That's mighty generous
of you, Cricket.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

Come on, kids.
You can bunk with me.

It'll be fun.

Grabbin'
a nighttime cookie.

[snoring]

[groaning]

How does Dad sleep on this?

The gentle curve
of a hammock

is so much better
for the lower back.

[Justin]
You're more authentic!

[Val]
No, you're more authentic!

-No, you are!
-No, you are!

You are!

I just wanted
to let you know,

we love it here so much,

we're extending our stay
to a whole week.

Oh, wow.

Yaaay!

[groaning]

Aah!

[rooster crows]

I haven't slept that well
in ages.

Aah! Tilly!

Sorry, Cricket.

I didn't see you there.

Are you okay?

Ugh! I slept like garbage.

Oh, Tilly,
I don't know what to do.

I barely made it through
one day with these folks.

But if I kick 'em out,
it just proves Dad right.

It'd be great
if they decided
to leave on their own.

Tilly, that's it!

We'll make them
want to leave!

Then the money
will be easy,

and Dad will have
to eat his words.

Yeah, that might be tough,

seein' as how they love
our country-ness,

and we can't help
but be country.

Or can we?

Tilly, let's get citified!

Thanks for the city tips,
Gloria.

I am so proud of you two

for wanting to become
cultured urban sophisticates.

What's that now?
No, no, no.

We wanted to learn to be
annoying city people.

That's why I thought
of... you.

Uh-huh.

Get outta here!

Let's do brunch!

You taught me that!

[humming]

Val, you're
doing it wrong.

No way! I watched
way more tutorial
videos than you!

[loud thud]

'Sup?

'Sup?

[both] 'Sup?

All right, amigos,
let's get this thing started.

Did they just
become... hip?

He looks just like Kyle.

Co-op Kyle or DJ Kyle?

All right, if you
could just keep it down,

we're about to start
our book club discussion.

Surely you've read
Mr. Pickle Leaves the Jar?

The symbolism
was very symbolic.

Yeah, no, no, no.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah,
no no no no,

yeah yeah yeah yeah.

But, like, if
we wanted a book club,

we could have just
hung out with DJ Kyle
and co-op Kyle.

-Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah. Yeah.

-Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah. Yeah.

Well, how about
some yoga?

It makes you, like,
real bendy.

Deep breath, and...

[inhales]
...shrub pose.

And one and two
and three and four!

Baby turtle. Baby turtle.

And now pigeon pose.

Uh, yoga doesn't seem
very country.

Well, this isn't
the country.

It's the big city,
sistas.

Now it's time for the city's
newest dance craze!

-Thunkin'!
-Spin me, brother!

-♪ Don't get me thunkin' ♪
-Yaaa-aaah-aaah!

♪ Don't get me thunkin' ♪

Hey, sounds like fun in--

Huh?

[laughing]

-No!
-The authenticity!

[both] It's gone!

How fast do you think
we can pack our bags?

Aw! You're leavin'?!

So soon?!

Mmm!

Well, it's been great
havin' ya.

Don't let the door hit you
on the way out!

Can I speak to you
in the kitchen, son?

Heh heh heh...

What the heck
is goin' on with you?

Shoot straight
with me, boy.

Are you intentionally
tryin' to drive
your guests away?

Mmm! Fine!
Ya got me!

I thought this would be easy,

but I had to work
so hard for these guests

and their tireless enthusiasm!

Well, yeah!
It's work!

And work is hard!

[sighs]

I just wanted to see you
follow through on one thing.

Okay, Dad, for you,
I'll do it.

I'll work hard to fix this,

but then I'm never
workin' hard again!

Uh, well, no, I reall--

If they love country,
we'll give 'em

the most country night
of their lives!

Ha! Well,
that's the spirit.

-Hurry up!
-Let's get out of here!

Val! Justin!
Don't leave yet!

You'll miss the hoedown!

-Hoedown?!
-Hoedown?!

[sheep baas]

Howdy, y'all.

Mightn't I interest y'all

in some of our washtub punch?

Yer just in time!

Start 'er up, Tilly!

-[playing bluegrass]
-[clapping]

♪ ♪

I don't know how I let
y'all talk me into this.

♪ Look at me doin'
this country dance ♪

♪ Are ya impressed yet,
boys 'n' girls ♪

♪ As I give this sheep
a big ol' twirl ♪

♪ La la la la,
ho-dee-ho ♪

♪ Gonna have
our own little rodeo ♪

They're trying
too hard, right?

It is so
not authentic anymore.

It's fake
and stereotypical.

Yeah, and kind of offensive.

Huh. Maybe we went
too far.

I guess nobody back home
really acts like that.

Those hipsters
paid you, right?

Uh, I think so.

We set it up
on Gloria's phone,

so it's, like,
somewhere in the Internet?

[chimes]

$100?!

Yes!

♪ I got sweat in my eyes ♪

♪ Lost a bet and got
Bit by a hundred flies ♪

♪ I fell out a big ol' tree ♪

♪ Hit every branch
And scraped up both my knees ♪

♪ I got chased by a dog ♪

♪ Bit by a frog
Got a rash on my leg ♪

♪ Dropped a dozen eggs ♪

♪ I got splinters
At seven and ten ♪

♪ And tomorrow
I'll do it all again ♪