Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 8, Episode 25 - Sam's Witchcraft Blows a Fuse - full transcript

After drinking a "The Heavenly Himalayana" at a Chinese restaurant, Sam loses her powers and stripes breakout on her face.

Hi,
this is Elizabeth Montgomery,

inviting you
to stay tuned for Bewitched.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

I think I'm going to have
the beef soo chow.

Mm, I hear that's marvelous.
Oh, Mr. Fong.

I am honored to have you in my
humble place, Mr. Stephens.

And, uh...?
My wife, Samantha.

How do you do?
FONG: How do you do?

Please sit down.
Thank you.

I'm certainly looking forward
to the prospect

of handling your advertising.



Yes, let's hope
we can bring that about.

Mr. and Mrs. Tate
should be here any minute.

Good. In the meantime,
I have a surprise.

This is my masterpiece,

and I would like you both
to try it, with my compliment.

Well, now we're honored.

Please.

Thank you.

Mm.

That's marvelous.

What in the world is in it?

Sorry,
the ingredients are secret.

All but one.

The Himalayan cinnamon stick
is very rare.



From a remote area
high in the mountains.

I have named my drink
after the stick.

The Heavenly Himalayan.

Night after night,
I stayed here after closing,

trying this formula and that,

like a witch over her caldron.

[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]

Well, you certainly
came up with a bewitching drink.

Thank you. Thank you.

It's, uh, heavenly, all right.

And heady too, you might say.

Ooh.

Sam, are you all right?

I, uh... I...
I feel a little strange.

[GIGGLING]

The truth is,
I feel a lot strange.

Strange?

Dizzy.

Perhaps madam would like
to lie down in the office?

Uh, no. No, I think
we'd better leave.

Oh...

Uh, I am definitely not well.

The Himalayan cocktail
is really very mild.

It's never affected any
of my customer like that before.

Well, Sam's not like

any of your other customers,
Mr. Fong.

Caldron, caldron, tell me true.

How you stirred up
Such a witches' brew.

We do have to go home.

Yes. Yes, and the better
the sooner.

Would you make our excuses
to Mr. and Mrs. Tate?

Yes.

[♪]

Oh, Mr. Stephens,
what's wrong?

Oh, I...
I wish I knew.

Where am I?

You're home.

Samantha, what's wrong?

[GIGGLES]

Who's she?

It's your Aunt Hagatha.

Oh, so it is.

What's she doing here?

She's sitting for us.

[LAUGHS]

No, she's not.
She's standing for us.

[LAUGHING]

Toot-toot.

Oh, Mr. Stephens, she's sick.

Oh, I don't understand it.
[LAUGHING]

She just had a couple of
sips of a drink and got looped.

That's impossible.

Witches aren't subject
to such mortal frailties.

Something is radically wrong.

Samantha, should I get
in touch with Dr. Bombay?

That quack? Absolutely not.

Samantha,
is he always this difficult?

Relax, sweetheart.

We may not need Dr. Bombay
after all.

I'm beginning to feel better.

At least I'm not dizzy anymore.

Do you mind
if I try out my witchcraft?

Whether he minds or not
doesn't matter.

The only thing I mind is her.

Well, let's see.

Lamp, lamp on yonder table
Fly to me if you are able.

Well, now shall
I call Dr. Bombay,

or are you still
in your mortal snit?

[MAGICAL CHIME]

Sam!

HAGATHA:
Great Hector's ghost!

Now what?

Look.

Don't just stand there,
get Dr. Bombay.

[GASPS]

Oh...

And I bet you thought you'd
grown accustomed to my face.

NARRATOR:

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

Darrin, before Aunt Hagatha
puts in a call to Dr. Bombay,

wouldn't you like to
go into the den and work?

Or take a nap?
Or something?

No, thanks.

Well, I know Dr. Bombay
isn't one of your favorites.

Among your friends and
relatives, I have no favorites.

I guess everything your mother
says about him is true.

Shh.

Aunt Hagatha, please.
The spell?

Oh, yes, dear.
Yes, yes.

[CLEARS THROAT]

From Tripoli to Timbuktu.

I beg, I plead I beseech of you.

A moment longer, don't delay.

Dr. Bombay, streak this way.

Hi, there, you called?

Uh, we called,
we didn't whistle.

Where's Dr. Bombay?

Bomb's away.

"Bomb's away"?

That's what I call him.
"Bomb" for short.

What, and I'll be sorry I asked,
does he call you?

Often. He calls me Often.

Figures.

Now, look, Miss Often,

when will the doctor be back?

Any minute now.
I left him a message.

Now I have to get back.
I'm his receptionist.

I'm very receptive.

Bye, now.

Where is the doctor, I wonder?

Probably out in the cosmos
chasing ambulances.

He may be chasing,
but not ambulances.

Sorry I was detained,

I've been over at the gym
wrestling with a problem.

How to come to grips
with my new nurse.

That's a problem?

Not really.
I'll pin her down yet.

Dr. Bombay, we do not find
your personal peccadilloes

the least bit amusing.

[GASPS] You peeked.

Oh, for Pete's sake,

will somebody talk some sense
into this clown?

I will.

My witchcraft has gone to pot

and in case you haven't noticed,

my face is covered
with red stripes.

Hm. Interesting.
Very interesting.

Well, doctor,
what do you think the matter is?

Obviously, her witchcraft
has gone to pot

and she's developed red stripes.

I'd hoped you could tell me
what disease I have.

Judging by the symptoms,

I'd say you had
Bright Red Stripes disease.

Is that serious?

Not at all. Just inconvenient.
It lasts one full year.

Dr. Bombay,
you have to do something.

I can't walk around
with these stripes for a year.

The disease lasts one full year,

unless it's cured
within eight hours.

Perhaps I could find an antidote
if I knew how you got it.

You haven't been mixing eye
of newt with oysters, have you?

No.

Ah, then there's only
one other way

you could have got it.

Have you been recently

on the western slopes
of the Himalayas?

Lately, I haven't been any
further than a PTA meeting.

The drink. She had a drink
with a Himalayan cinnamon stick.

Ah-ha. Then that's it.

Eons ago, the Tibetan monks
cross-pollinated

a rare herb
with Himalayan cinnamon

and used it to drive the witches
out of the Himalayas.

I didn't know there were
any witches in the Himalayas.

There aren't. It worked.

[CHUCKLES]

Now, doctor,
about the eight-hour deadline?

Never fear, Bombay is here.

I shall feed this information
into my ultra-vascular

self-denominating
powered trichroscope,

with, of course, the super-duper
diagnostic predictor attachment.

[WARBLED NOTES BEING PLAYED]

Ah-ha!

BOMBAY:
There is an antidote.

A simple potion.

You can pick it up
from your apothecary.

We start with, uh,
eye of condor,

powdered snakeskin,

fig newts.

Fig newts?

That's the way
the cookie crumbles.

One pint of unicorn milk,
non-fat.

And a toasted
cheese sandwich on rye.

Toasted cheese?

That's for me. I'm starved.

Hagatha, have the apothecary
fill out this prescription,

give it to Samantha,
and she'll be as right as rain.

And now, if you'll excuse me,

I want to try out my new
wrestling mat on my nurse.

It's the only one in the
universe with "Welcome" on it.

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

Well, what are you waiting for?

Oh, I refuse to go near
that dirty old druggist.

But Samantha,
I'd be glad to zap you there.

Thanks a bunch.

Well, maybe my red stripes
will turn him off.

Zap away.

[LIQUID BUBBLING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Oh, hi, cutie.

Say, them stripes,

mm, they really turn me on.

Well, I certainly
called that one.

Uh, look, Mr. Druggist,
I have a pres...

Please, don't call me that.

I'm apothecary
to the entire cosmos.

Excuse me.

Look, Mr. Apothecary,
I have a prescription...

Yeah, I started out to be a
friendly neighborhood druggist,

but I couldn't find
a friendly neighborhood.

I couldn't find a friendly
neighborhood, you get it?

Oh, yes, I get it.
And it's a howler.

But what I really came to get
was this prescription filled.

Well, I got this one here
ahead of you.

But this is an emergency.

Oh, well,
maybe I can hurry things up,

if you're willing to consider
this a friendly neighborhood.

Uh, not that friendly.

What are you brewing?

It's a love potion, cutie.

Care to share
a jigger or two with me?

Oh, uh, no, thanks.

Now, you can have it straight
or with a chaser.

What's the chaser?

You're looking at him, cutie.

[♪]

I need a little potion
of my own,

on the rocks.

[GRUNTS]

I wish you'd watch
where you're going.

I wish you'd watch
where you're popping.

No need to get huffy.

I came back
because my trusty computer

overlooked one ingredient.

But Sam's already gone
to the apothecary.

No matter.

The apothecary does not
carry the necessary ingredient.

Why? What is it?

The tail feather of a dodo bird.

A dodo bird?
Why, they're extinct.

Not only that,
there haven't been any around

for millions of years.

Well, then, how do you expect us

to get a dodo bird's
tail feather?

How should I know?
I'm a doctor, not a birdwatcher.

Though I will say,
a bird in the hand

is worth two
in the Australian bush.

[LAUGHS]

Take five.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

You're too old
for all this exercise.

I know, but even at my age...

I got you!
Ah!

Even at my age,

you... You fill my veins
with the hot blood of youth.

You fill my heart with desire,

you fill my brain with passion.

While you're filling up,

how about filling this
prescription?

Oh, all right.

But first,
how's about a little kiss?

How about a nice,
friendly handshake?

What's come over
this younger generation?

When I was a boy sorcerer,

all the witch chicks
flocked around me.

Yeah, that was a long time ago.

I'll fill your prescription.

Yeah, when I was a kid...

"Toasted cheese on rye"?

Now, what's that
supposed to cure?

Dr. Bombay. He's hungry.

Oh, I'm hungry too,
but not for any toasted cheese.

You know what I mean?

Yes, I...
I get your message,

but what I would really like
is that prescription.

All right.

I got a special
on the giant economy size

in case you ever get
the same disease.

Bite your tongue.

Hm. Ugh.

How do I look?

Like a dream walking.

Are my stripes gone?

No.

Maybe you'd better pop me home.

I have a pooped popper.

One kiss, honeybun,
and then I will.

Well, if that's the going price.

One smackeroo,
that's the going price.

Okay.

Going, going...

Mwah.

Gone.

[SNAPS FINGERS]

They just can't
keep their lips off of me.

[GIGGLES]

[GRUNTS]

Did you get the potion?

Yes, and it didn't work.

That's because Bombay
left out one ingredient.

Oh, terrific.

I know I'll be sorry I asked,
but which one?

The tail feather of a dodo bird.

I'm sorry I asked.

[MAGICAL CHIMES]

Sam!

Now what?

[GASPS]

Oh, my stars.

Where's Aunt Hagatha?

Upstairs, checking on Adam.

Sam, where are we gonna find
the tail feather of a dodo bird?

Well, I don't know.

But I'll think of something.

[♪]

Aunt Hagatha,

I wish you'd talk
to the Witches' Council

about replacing that quack.

I'll make a note.

Tail feather of a dodo bird.
This is ridiculous.

Wait a minute.
Maybe not.

Aunt Hagatha,
for Tabitha's last birthday,

Mother gave her
a cosmos coloring book.

Now, I think there's
a picture of a dodo bird in it.

Why don't you pop upstairs
and take a look?

And if there is,
zap the bird out of the book.

Of course, Samantha.

What a shame.

What do you mean,
"what a shame"?

Well, your Aunt Hagatha's
gonna zap a dodo bird

out of Tabitha's
cosmos coloring book

so we can get a tail feather

o get rid of your horizontal
and vertical red stripes.

Why did you say, "what a shame"?

Well, that's a pretty wild trip.

It's kind of sad I'll never be
able to tell anybody about it.

HAGATHA: Oh! Oh, oh!
[BIRD SQUAWKING]

Get away from me,
you dirty old bird!

Mr. Stephens, I suggest you get
the tail feather yourself.

I'm not going near
that dirty bird.

How am I supposed to get a tail
feather out of that thing?

Well, I suppose a rear attack
is in order.

That's the part you're after.
Good luck.

[SQUAWKING]

Oh... Ooh, Sam!

Sam, you'd better
get out of sight.

If anyone comes along, I might
be able to explain the bird

but how would I explain you?

[♪]

Here, birdie.
Here, birdie, birdie, birdie.

[BIRD SQUAWKING]

Will you come on down here,
you rotten bird?

[CAR APPROACHING]

What's the matter?

[SQUAWKING]

What do you make of it?

I don't know.

Is it a bird?

Well, if it's a bird, it's the
biggest bird I've ever seen.

Should we get out
and investigate?

You get out and investigate,
I'm not going anywhere near it.

Maybe we'd better call in.

Good suggestion.

This is Car 953. Car 953.
Do you read me?

Come in, Car 953.

We're in front of a house
on Morning Glory Circle

and we want to report a, um...

[BIRD SQUAWKING]
...uh...

Bad suggestion.

You describe it.

MAN [ON RADIO]:
You want to report a what?

Uh, nothing. It's just
something we thought we saw

that we realized we didn't see.

What?

Over and out.
Let's go have a beer.

Good suggestion.

[♪]

[SQUAWKING]

DARRIN:
Now, listen, you dumb dodo,

either you're coming down here
or I'm coming up to get you.

[SQUAWKS]

Okay, if that's
the way you want to play.

[SCREAMS]

I got it.
I got it.

Sweetheart, are you all right?

Oh, yeah. In fact,

if I hadn't have grabbed
that bird by the tail,

I would have fallen off
that roof headfirst.

That dumb bird saved my life.

I knew there was something
I didn't like about that bird.

Oh, Hagatha, will you just
zap him back into the book?

HAGATHA: Thank you for
your feather Dodo, dear.

Now, back to the book
Get out of here.

Here's looking at you.

[COUGHS]

Dr. Bombay
You're 0 for 2.

Appear at once
Or you are through

I hope this is important.

I was engaged
in a very crucial chess match.

That's what you wear
to play chess?

It is when I'm tackling
my nurse.

[CACKLES]

Samantha,
you naughty little witch,

you haven't taken your potion.

Yes, I have.
And I'm running out of patience.

You and me both.

Doctor, you're a disgrace
to your profession.

What profession?

Well, if you're going
to harass me, I'll leave.

Oh, now, now, wait a minute.

Lay off him,
he's the only one we've got.

Thank you, Samantha.

I don't understand
what could have gone wrong.

You followed my directions
precisely?

Yes.
That's probably what went wrong.

You've got the tail feather
of a dodo bird?

Oh, yes. And I've got
the scars to prove it.

And you followed my directions?
You got the potion,

you put in the tail feather,

you mixed slowly
so as not to bruise

the Himalayan cinnamon stick?

You didn't mention
the Himalayan cinnamon stick.

Of course I did, it's the most
important ingredient.

It's not only
essential to the potion,

it provides
the necessary antitoxin.

You did not say anything

about the Himalayan
cinnamon stick!

I must have.

You didn't.

Do you have witnesses?

Yes.

In that case, it's obvious
I didn't mention it.

And having done so,
I shall leave.

[GASPS]

There goes one of the great
quackpots of all time.

Speaking of time,
how much time do we have left?

Well, he said
we had eight hours,

so that leaves us about an hour.

And Ah Fong's is closed.
I can't get ahold of Mr. Fong.

Sam, I may get arrested
for what I'm about to do,

but I'm about to do it.

But what about bail?

Bail is set at $150.
Pay the clerk.

It's cheap at twice the price.

I got it. I got it.

SAMANTHA:
How did you manage?

How? Oh, it was easy.

I got arrested
and posted $150 bail.

What?
But it doesn't matter.

Let's see if it works this time.

Oh, well, okay. Okay.

Ew.

Excuse us, folks.

We would like to ask you
some questions.

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, yes, officers?

What's wrong
with your face, lady?

My husband wanted to see
what I look like in stripes.

What can we do for you?

Well, we saw something
on your roof earlier

and we'd like to ask you
about it.

Oh?

Yes, it was, uh... Um...

Well, it was a pretty big, uh...

Tell them, Charlie.

Well, it was sort of a...
Uh... Uh...

There hasn't been anyone on our
roof since the TV repairman.

Oh.

Does he have feathers?

I don't know.

I haven't seen him in some time.

Well, what we thought we saw
was a pretty strange...

Um, y... Uh...

Well, Fred here
thought it was a bird.

What's so strange about
seeing a bird on a roof?

Well, this was no ordinary bird.

No?

No. No, no, no.

It was more like a...
Uh... Uh...

Tell them, Fred.

Well, it was a...
It was a great, big bird.

How big?

Well, you may not believe this,

but it was
almost as big as a... As a...

As what?

Tell them, Charlie.

Where'd your stripes go?

What stripes?

Now, you were saying, uh,
the bird was as big as what?

Oh, nothing, nothing.
No, uh...

Sorry to bother you.

We didn't see anything.
Right, Fred?

Right, right.
We're sorry for the intrusion.

[♪]

[SIGHS]

[♪]