Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 8, Episode 21 - George Washington Zapped Here: Part 1 - full transcript

Helping Tabitha with a school project, Esmerelda zaps up the real George Washington. When he wanders from the Stephens' home, he is arrested for public speaking without a permit.

Hi. This is
Elizabeth Montgomery,

inviting you to stay
tuned for Bewitched.

[♪]

They're beautiful, Mommy.

Yes, they are,
aren't they, sweetheart?

Look at this.
Now, this is a button

from George Washington's coat,

just like that one.

TABITHA:
Why did it fall off?

[LAUGHS] I don't know.

Maybe Mrs. Washington
didn't sew too well.



Now, look at this.

This is a buckle

from his shoe. See?

Which would be better
to take to school?

The buckle from
George Washington's shoe,

or the button from his coat?

I think you better
leave them both here.

They're much too valuable.

But next Monday's
Washington's birthday,

and today we're
having show-and-tell.

Well, you could show the book,

and tell the class
that your Daddy

collects Washington relics.

I guess so.



You finish getting
ready for school.

I'll get Daddy's breakfast.

[♪]

Okay, Mommy.

♪ School days, school days ♪

♪ Oh, those golden
Fool days... ♪

It's "rule days," Esmeralda.

Not me, honey.
I was a fool in school.

Oh, George Washington.

TABITHA:
I sure wish I could take

the real buckle
and button to school

for show-and-tell
instead of this picture.

Everybody else will
probably bring pictures.

And we don't wanna be
like everybody else, do we?

I'll tell you what.

If you promise

to return them
right after school

I'll get you the
buckle and the button.

But Mommy said I couldn't
take Daddy's collection.

Oh, we won't touch
your daddy's collection.

I'll zap them out of the book.

Then this afternoon after school
I'll zap them right back again.

Oh, would you?

[LAUGHS] Well, I may not
be much of a witch,

but I can positively do that.

I think.

Now... Now,
give me a little room.

[♪]

Find the rhyme
that goes with buckle.

Tuckle, wuckle,
duckle, chuckle.

Come on, George, and look alive.

I begin to weary of this jive.

[♪]

Anything happening?

A whole lot.

Oh...

Am I mad?

Oh, well, you have every
right to be, Mr. President.

I... I just wanted
your buckle and button.

Buckle and button.

But this is even better.

This is delayed battle
fatigue from Valley Forge.

If I'm having
hallucinations, I...

I think I should
have them sitting down.

Oh, yes. Here.

[♪]

Oh, dear.

[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

Was Tabitha very upset about

not being able to take
my collection to school?

Oh, no, sweetheart,
she understood.

[HORN HONKING]

That's the bus.
Tabitha.

I heard it, Mommy.

Bye-bye, sweetheart.

Bye, Mommy.
Bye, Daddy.

Bye, honey.

Have a good day.

[♪]

WASHINGTON: These are the
times that try men's souls.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Who was that?

I hate to guess.

Uh, sweetheart, why don't
you go to the office

and I'll find out what's up?

[♪]

Oh, I've got to reverse the
spell. I...

Find the rhyme
that goes with buckle.

And then we'll
have a little chuckle.

Or is it "knuckle"?

Oh, dear, that doesn't
even make sense.

Oh, Samantha.

I'm afraid we have a visitor.

Can't be.

Well, maybe it can't be...
But it is.

George Washington.

At your service, mistress.

I just wanted his
buckle and button.

Now I understand.

Martha, awaken me.

Oh, uh,
Mr. President,

you are not having a dream.

You're right, Martha,
it's a nightmare.

Mr. President,

why don't you lie down
and take a nap?

Perhaps you'll awake refreshed.

For a character in a nightmare,

you're very kind.

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

Ah, you, get hopping
on popping him back.

[♪]

I guess you're wondering
who's upstairs.

A little bit, yes.

You sure you wanna know?

I'm sure I don't wanna know.

But eventually
I'm gonna find out.

It might as well be now.

Well, it, uh...

It was an innocent
little mistake.

Esmeralda was trying

to zap George Washington's
button and buckle

out of the collector's book
for Tabitha to take to school.

And instead she got...

George Washington.
George Washington.

Sam, go up and help her
get rid of him.

Well, I can't do that.

A watched witch never remembers.

[♪]

Oh.

There you are.

Perhaps you could tell me

just where I am in this dream.

I tried to keep him upstairs,

but I couldn't.

Oh, boy, am I some rotten witch.

I feel you have
the advantage of me.

You seem to recognize me,

yet I have no idea who you are,

where I am, or for that matter,

how I came to be here.

Well, sir,
I'm Samantha Stephens,

and this is my husband Darrin.

Mr. President.
Pleasure.

Oh, well,

I've never dreamed
a home like this before.

What century is this?

The 20th century,
Mr. President.

Impossible.

It's against the laws of nature.

Would I lie

to George Washington?

Ah, yet I must admit

the surroundings are...

Are very strange.

Ah. Well, there are
devices in this room

that I've never seen before.

Oh, no, no, no,
this must be a dream.

I think I'll take
a walk and clear my head.

No, no, no,
Mr. President,

you-you can't go out.

Sir, this is my dream,

and if I wish
to go walking, I shall.

Mr. President,

I think maybe you
should know the truth.

Won't you sit down?

Yes, let's just...

After you, madam.

[♪]

Uh,

Esmeralda,

why don't you
go into the kitchen

and work on
the you-know-what?

I'm going, I'm going.

The truth is,
Mr. President,

that I am a witch.

So is Esmeralda,

and she got you here by mistake.

A witch?

Well, maybe her,
but certainly not you.

Yes, Mr. President, me.

That's impossible.

There are no such things
as witches.

Well, I'm sorry,
Mr. President,

but how else are you gonna
explain what's happened?

So...

this is the 20th century.

How fare the 13 states?

We're 50 now.

Fifty?

Imagine that.

What's happened
to Betsy Ross's lovely flag?

No, that's in a museum.

So they haven't forgotten us.

Oh, no. No,
as a matter of fact,

you're known as
the father of our country.

Your picture's on
the one dollar bill.

Mm-hm. Here,
let me show you.

There. See?

What's this? Oh.

I must say,
that is rather flattering.

I don't think they
did you justice, sir.

Oh...

Ah, what's this?

Uh, that's a five dollar bill.

WASHINGTON: And who is
this bearded fellow?

SAMANTHA: That's Abraham
Lincoln, the 16th President.

Oh, well, he must have
been a very fine President

to have his name honored
on a five dollar bill.

He was an excellent
president, sir.

Better than me?

Oh, I...
I wouldn't say that.

Then why is President Lincoln's
name on a five dollar bill,

while the father of his country
is only on a one dollar bill?

Uh, w...
Well, um, you see,

more people can afford
one dollar bills

than five dollar bills,

which means more
people see your picture

than Abraham Lincoln's.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, Mr. President.

[PHONE RINGS] Excuse me.

[♪]

Hello?

Oh, hello, Larry.

No, of course
I haven't left yet.

If I'd left yet,
would I be talking to you?

I'll tell you why
I haven't left yet.

It's because
next Monday the 21st,

is George Washington's birthday.

And that's why.

And I'm paying
homage to his memory.

And as soon as I'm through
paying homage, I'll be there.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

The green animal is talking.

It's called a telephone.

What is it?

Uh, mostly it's a nuisance.

I'm leaving right away,
Larry. Goodbye.

Sir, you may be

a very enlightened
gentleman of the 20th century,

but you're mistaken
about my birthday.

It's not the 21st,
it's the 22nd.

Yes, Mr. President,
that's another story.

Excuse me.

[♪]

Sweetheart, you have just got to

get to the office.

Yeah. Are you sure
you're gonna be all right?

I promise.

Don't let him out of your sight.

Now, don't worry, I won't.

[CLEARS THROAT]

It's been a pleasure, Mr.
President.

My pleasure, sir.

Bye-bye.
Bye.

[♪]

What manner of beast is that?

It's called an automobile.

Incredible.

The county's changed
a lot since you were here.

C... Come on,
I'll show you.

Come on, this way.

Now, these are
the 50 United States.

And here is
Washington D.C.,

the capital
of the United States.

They saw fit to change
the date of my birthday.

At least it's comforting to know

they didn't change
the name of the capital.

Things are looking better.

[LAUGHS]

And this is
the State of Washington.

A whole state named in my honor.

Imagine that.

Ah, my head is
swimming from all this.

I... I think
I'd best sit down.

Are you sure you wouldn't like

to lie down in the guest room?

Oh, no, no, no,
I'm too exhilarated.

But I could do
with a brisk cup of tea.

Right away,
Mr. President.

[♪]

Esmeralda, this is
getting serious.

You have got to
remember that incantation.

I'm trying, I'm trying.

[♪]

Oh, it's just no use, Samantha.

I can't remember.

Well, all right, all right.

Uh, keep trying.

In the meantime,
I better not keep

the president waiting
for his tea.

[♪]

[GROANS]

Mr. President?

General Washington.

[GASPS]

Oh, no. George?

George?

George?

Oh, George.

[♪]

George. George.

Has he disappeared?
Yes.

Oh, I knew I could do it.

He disappeared through the door.

Well, as long as he disappeared.

Esmeralda, hold down the fort.

[♪]

Pardon me, sir.

Have you seen a man
walking down the street

dressed, uh, rather strangely?

I don't think
he was dressed strangely,

considering he was
George Washington.

Oh, then you did see him.

Did he say where he was going?

Well, he was
just wandering around

surveying the neighborhood,
as he put it.

I suggested he take
a walk in the park.

My uncle hangs around there.

He thinks he's Thomas Jefferson.

I mean, maybe they
got a lot in common.

You have no idea.

[♪]

♪ Father and I
Went down to town ♪

♪ Along with Captain Goodwin ♪

♪ And there we see
The men and boys ♪

♪ As thick As hasty pudding ♪

♪ Yankee doodle keep it up
Yankee doodle dandy ♪

♪ Mind the music And the steps ♪

♪ And with the girls Be handy ♪

Man, that cat's far out.

Earlier, I stood here

and listened to
some of you explain

what is going on
in this country.

Things like assassinations,

pollution,

wars to end wars

that don't end wars.

This does not please me.

You tell them, George.

Where is the voice
of the people?

Remember what my
friend Tom Jefferson said:

"What country
can preserve its liberties

"unless its rulers are
warned from time to time

that the people preserve
the spirit of resistance."

Okay, break it up, George.

George?

You will refer
to me as Mr. President

or General Washington.

Sorry, general,

but, uh,
you have to break it up.

And just what is it

that you want me to break up?

This rally.

Unless, of course,
you have a park permit to speak.

The only permit I need is

the Constitution
of the United States.

CROWD:
Hear, hear.

Hear, hear, hear.

Excuse me.

Have you seen a man in a costume

come by here lately?

I sure did. He was singing
"Yankee Doodle Dandy."

Terrific.

I thought so.
Oh, he went that way.

[♪]

Why don't you be a good fella

and tell me
where you escaped from?

I have escaped from
the past into the present

and I must say that
what I've seen so far

does not please me.

But you're gonna break it up
or you're under arrest.

Under the abstract
theory of our government

a person is entitled
to resist illegal arrest.

We are allowed
the right of free assembly

under our Constitution.

Yeah, that's right.
Right on.

Uh, Mr. President.

Oh. Oh,
I'm sorry, mistress.

I left your home without
so much as by your leave.

But please stand aside,

I am about to run
this tyrant through.

Okay, pop, now,

I've dealt with all kinds of
hippies.

Now put that sword away.

I think I'm being insulted.
What is a hippie?

Lady, are you
responsible for this dodo?

What did the dodo do?

Uh... What did he do?

Well, he's inciting a riot,

and threatening me
with a dangerous weapon.

Well, officer,

he belongs to me,
and I think I can explain.

En garde, defend yourself.

He don't belong
to you anymore, lady.

Now he belongs to me.

Come on, George. Come on.

[♪]

The charge is
creating a disturbance,

holding a meeting
without a permit,

assaulting an officer.

Bail is $2000.

How soon would the hearing be?

The hearing will
be in four weeks.

I protest.

The Constitution guarantees
to every citizen

the right of a speedy trial.

Sergeant,

in view of the advanced
age of the defendant,

uh, couldn't we
have the trial sooner?

How old are you?

Well, he's...

Two hundred and forty.

Four weeks. Post your bail
with the clerk.

I'm afraid you can take
the man out of the 18th century,

but you can't take the 18th
century out of the man.

Well, Mr. President,
it wasn't your fault.

How could you have known?

What has happened
to this country

that was founded on freedom?

Does the Constitution
still exist?

The Bill of Rights?

Yes, of course,
Mr. President.

Then why do the people
not exercise their rights?

Sometimes it's easier

to be led than to lead.

And a great many of our citizens

prefer to stand on the sidelines

and ignore their rights,
instead of defend them.

They're called
the silent majority.

Experience has shown
that mankind is more disposed

to suffer evils while
those evils are sufferable

than to right themselves
and abolish those abuses.

[SIGHS]

Master Stephens, I'm looking
forward to my day in court.

And you'll have it,
Mr. President. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

I thought the hearing
was to be in four weeks.

Well, I, uh,
pulled a few strings

and got them
to move it up to tomorrow.

Oh.

Well, I hate to impose
my problems on you, mistress,

but would it be at all possible

for you to bring
John Adams out of the past

and represent me in court?

He's a very fine
orator and I would feel...

I... Um, I'm afraid
I can't do that.

And besides, Mr. President,

uh, you won't need
a lawyer in court.

I pulled a few more strings,

and you'll have a hearing
in the judge's chamber.

You seem to be very expert
at pulling strings.

Sure you didn't
resort to bribery?

Oh, no, of course not,
Mr. President.

It's just that
the charges are so absurd,

we don't wanna
take up the jury's time.

This does not please me.

The American people

should know of this outrage.

Well, it's an outrage,
all right,

but, uh, they might get to know

a little more than
is good for them.

The truth, madam,
never hurt anyone.

Look at it this way,
Mr. President.

Uh, I am a witch,

and there aren't
very many of us around.

We'd really prefer

to remain the silent minority.

Oh, yes, I understand.

Even in the 20th century,

people are not
prepared to accept you?

Well, I've heard your views,

and I will take
them into account.

May I use your study
for tea and contemplation?

Certainly,
Mr. President.

By your leave.

[♪]

Backwards. Say,
maybe that's the answer.

I think I've got it.

Jive this of weary to begin.

I alive look George on come.

What is that supposed to be?

That is supposed to be

an incantation read backwards.

Hm. Well,
how's that gonna help?

How's it gonna hurt?

The President will
have his tea in the den.

Good luck.

[♪]

How come you witches
can do anything but you can't

come up with
a witch psychiatrist for her?

I'll bring that up
at the next coven.

ESMERALDA: Eureka!
[CRASHING]

I did it.
I did it.

I'm almost proud of myself.

Esmeralda,
even I'm proud of you.

He likes me?

We all do.

I don't know what
we'd do without you.

Don't answer that, Darrin.

Oh...

[♪]

[♪]

Oh, dear, dear.

A president without his shoes

is like a lady
without her powder puff.

Oh, now let's see.

Size 11, shoes of leather.

George needs you
For the winter weather.

Well, he's gone.

And so is $2000 bail.

Like I said:
"Cheap at twice the price."

But I must admit
one thing, though.

This has been an experience

I'm happy to put behind me,

but it's been one that
I'll always cherish.

That's sweet.

[♪]

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to do it.

I mean, I was
only trying to help.

Well, a person could

catch his death
of cold without his shoes.

Esmeralda, what did you do?

I was afraid you'd ask that.

When I zapped
the president back,

everything went
except this shoes.

So I did another incantation

to get his shoes
to go back to him.

What happened?

Well, I couldn't
zap his shoes back.

Well, that's no tragedy.

I'm sure he has
another pair of shoes.

He won't need them.

He came back to collect
the ones he left behind.

He's back?

But now he's got company.

What are you talking about?

Well,

I think I rhymed
"life" with "wife."

Esmeralda.

[♪]

Martha, may I present our hosts,

Master and Mistress Stephens.

George, forgive me
for not believing

your fanciful tale.

I should have known
you could never tell a lie.

[♪]

NARRATOR: Don't miss
the further adventures

of George Washington

next week on Bewitched.

[♪]