Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 8, Episode 2 - How Not to Lose Your Head to Henry VIII: Part 2 - full transcript
In the second part, Darrin and Endora rescue Sam by Darrin competing in a wrestling match with Henry the VIII.
Hi. This is
Elizabeth Montgomery,
inviting you to stay tuned
for Bewitched.
[♪]
NARRATOR: How did a nice
little witch like Samantha
get mixed up with a big bad wolf
like Henry VIII?
It all started
in the Tower of London
when Samantha got carried away
by the plight of a warlock
named Herbie.
I don't know if your powers
are strong enough
to... To release me
but I beg of you, please try.
Well, it seems to me
you've served your sentence.
And that is where
Samantha made her big mistake.
Sam, what...?
Where did he come from?
Darrin blew his top.
But that wasn't the topper.
This was the topper.
Who gave you the right
to reverse my curse?
Nobody. And I apologize.
Apology not accepted.
Now put him back
where he belongs.
Okay, okay.
Now, I'll show you
what we do with meddlers.
Oh, Malvina...
This trip through time
Will teach you a lesson.
In others' affairs
Not to mess in.
Back to Henry VIII go you.
The moment you meet him
Is the moment you'll rue
[THUNDER CRASHING]
NARRATOR: And that's how
Samantha got carried away
to the court of Henry VIII.
♪ Early one morning ♪
♪ Just as the sun was rising ♪
♪ I heard a maiden
Singing in the field below ♪
♪ Oh, don't deceive me ♪
♪ Oh, never leave me ♪
♪ How could you use
A poor maiden so? ♪
[APPLAUSE] Ahhh.
Endora explained that
in order to get Samantha
back from the 16th century,
Darrin would have to go
back to that time,
find Samantha
and win her with a kiss.
Place this talisman
around your neck.
When you need me,
put it between your teeth
and flap your arms like this:
And do this:
[QUACKING]
You're kidding.
No!
As Darrin started
in pursuit of Samantha,
His Majesty, Henry VIII
was engaged in exactly
the same activity.
We are the champion wrestler
of the British Isles.
Well, this-then shouldn't we
pick on someone our own size?
We shall make you
a lady-in-waiting.
And just between you and me,
you won't have to do
much waiting.
[GROANING]
[♪]
[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
♪ Of all the birds
That ever I see ♪
♪ The owl is the fairest
In her degree ♪
♪ For all the day long
She sits in a tree ♪
♪ And when the night comes
Away flies she ♪
♪ Te-whit, te-whoo
To whom drinks thou ♪
♪ Sir, knave, to you? ♪
♪ This song is well-sung
I make you a vow ♪
♪ And he's a knave
That drinketh now ♪
♪ Nose, nose Jolly red nose ♪
♪ And who gave thee
That jolly red nose? ♪
♪ Cinnamon, ginger
Nutmeg and cloves ♪
♪ And that gave me
My jolly red nose ♪
That was lovely.
Thank you, sire.
Come and sit here
beside us, my sweet.
[♪]
[♪]
Do you like us?
Yes, Your Majesty.
Well, then why don't you
show us some affection?
Well, uh, how can I?
Neither of you
ever stops eating.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[♪]
You there!
Take these mounts.
[SAMANTHA SINGING
INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE]
You give them a good cooling.
We've ridden posthaste
from the Tower.
Excuse me. Uh,
who is that singing?
SAMANTHA:
♪ She sits in a tree... ♪
That is the king's new favorite.
Already?
You may well say that.
If I do not mistake the signs,
she is fated to take the place
of poor Catherine.
Eh, Catherine?
What happened to her?
Are you deaf, man?
Did you not hear the cannons
proclaim the sad news
early this morning?
Sad news?
When the queen lost her head.
SAMANTHA:
♪ Cinnamon, ginger... ♪
Y-you mean:
Precisely.
H-how can you be so sure
that the king is serious
about this lady?
These are
the late queen's jewels.
We were sent to the Tower
to fetch them
so His Majesty could present
them to his lady love.
What do you think, boy?
Is that serious?
Oh, boy, is that serious.
SAMANTHA: ♪ Nose,
nose Jolly red nose ♪
♪ And who gave thee
That jolly red nose? ♪
♪ Cinnamon, ginger
Nutmeg and cloves ♪
♪ That gave me
My jolly red nose ♪
[♪]
Yes?
CHAMBERLAIN: We've come
with the jewels, sire.
Enter, enter!
[♪]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Stop.
What do you want?
You're needed right away
downstairs.
The jewels are all here
and accounted for?
With the exception
of a pearl necklace that...
That needs restringing.
Uh, open this, my sweet.
[KNOCK ON DOOR] Yes?
[BRITISH ACCENT]
The pastry tray, Your Majesty.
HENRY:
Enter, enter!
[♪]
[GASPS]
Your Majesty.
That will be yours, my lovely.
Oh. But I've done nothing
to deserve this.
You will.
May we speak with Your Majesty
privately a moment?
It concerns the reaction
of the crowd
at this morning's event.
[GRUNTING]
Pastry, eh, milady?
No, thank you.
[NORMAL VOICE] You really
don't recognize me, do you?
Should I?
I-I know you don't
remember anything, but...
W-well,
look into my eyes.
Look deep.
Don't you see anything?
Yes.
Why are your eyes so bloodshot?
Probably because I'm having
a nervous breakdown.
Just give me a little kiss,
and it'll all come back to you.
What?
Shh.
Think, think.
I'm Darrin, your husband.
You're Samantha.
I'm a mortal.
You're a witch.
Now, please, try to remember.
Why?
Sounds like a good thing
to forget.
You've gotta get out of here
while they're talking.
Unhand me, you peasant.
Unhand me.
Zounds!
What knavery is this?
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Eh, pastry, me Majesty?
For this you shall die!
Your Majesty, I beg of you,
restrain yourself.
Another killing now will only
inflame the people further.
Yes, let's not
inflame the people.
Sam, please,
one little kiss a-and all this
will make sense to you.
Take him away.
Your Majesty, spare him.
Why?
Why not?
What?
Well, it's obvious the poor man
has lost his senses.
Oh, well.
Summon the guards and have him
thrown into the dungeon.
Take him from my sight.
Wait a minute.
You can't do this to me.
I'm not even a British citizen.
Why did he call me...
Sam?
We don't know.
But for that alone,
we shall have him beheaded.
[♪]
Hey, what are you doing there?
[METAL GRATING]
Hey, there.
You, there.
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, there, what are you doing?
[♪]
What is it?
I-I was just wondering,
uh, what you were doing.
It don't take much brains
to figure out this ain't for
butchering chickens, do it?
No, it don't. Don't.
Lucky for you,
His Majesty is busy
having a masked ball.
Because I haven't got
the orders yet.
[LAUGHS]
Endora,
I never dreamed I'd welcome
your interference,
but here goes.
[QUACKING]
In trouble again?
Again? I've never
been out of it.
We've got to get
to Samantha right away.
The King executed
his fifth wife this morning,
and he's planning to make Sam
number six in the big parade.
That is grim.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Open the door.
And how would you suggest
I do that?
Give it a zap.
For your information, Darwin,
since this is the 16th century,
I do not have my powers.
W-why not?
Because it's the 16th century,
and I wasn't even born yet.
Could have fooled me.
Look here, Durweed,
I only have the power
to get here and to leave here.
Okay, okay.
I'm only staying
because Samantha needs her mama.
But if you don't have
your powers,
how are you gonna get me
out of here?
Well,
I'll just have to use
my native ingenuity.
I'm dead.
[BRITISH ACCENT] You, there!
Come here at once.
What are you doing here?
There are no visitors allowed.
For your information,
my good man, I am not a visitor.
I am here by the order
of His Majesty Henry VIII,
King of England, France
and King of Ireland.
You are?
He has asked me
to check on the conditions
of the prisoners.
I am appalled.
You are?
This prisoner has a gold coin
in his possession.
Give me the coin.
There.
You see?
[♪]
You know
that prisoners
are not to have gold.
Your eyes
are getting very heavy.
Gold is the root of all evil.
You are getting so tired.
And this chain is definitely
a dangerous weapon.
You want to sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.
He's out.
[SNORING]
Oh, wouldn't you know it?
Oh, Durwood.
Durwood, wake up!
Wake up!
Oh, Endora,
am I glad to see you.
I was having this
ridiculous nightmare
that I was back in the 16th...
It's a real nightmare.
Here, take the coins.
[♪]
Now, tell me this,
did you try...?
Did you try to approach
Samantha?
Oh, yes.
And she wouldn't have
a thing to do with me.
Oh, if that had only happened
when you first met.
Now, come on.
Let's find Samantha.
No, wait.
What?
What about him?
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
I'll give him
a post-hypnotic suggestion.
When you wake,
you'll feel rotten.
Come on.
[♪]
[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]
Where is she?
There.
Do I look okay?
Splendid.
The court tailor was
a very easy subject, wasn't he?
That was lovely, my dear.
We are very pleased.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
Endora, quick.
And before the music
starts again,
you've got to get to Samantha.
Getting to Samantha
is no problem.
But trying to convince her
that you'd make a better husband
than Henry VIII
doesn't make too much sense.
Hope I can do it without
choking on the words.
Just convince her,
and you can choke afterwards.
Your Majesty.
Milady, I'm very happy for you.
I know you don't remember me,
but your mother and I
were very close.
You knew my mother?
Oh, yes.
Then you know who I am?
Definitely.
Who am I?
You really want to know?
Oh, yes, yes, desperately.
You see that young man
over there?
Give him a kiss,
just one little kiss,
and it will all
come back to you.
Who are you?
A very close friend
of your mother's,
who, incidentally,
was a very lovely woman.
I don't think she would approve
of your involvement
with the king.
No? Why not?
Well, for one thing,
he's too fat.
He's not fat.
He's just a little short
for his weight.
You mean he'd be thin
if he were 10 or 11 feet tall?
Shh.
Do you want to be
accused of treason?
Be smart.
Give him a little kiss,
just one little kiss.
[GROANS]
You!
Please don't yell.
I told you
not to show your face.
Now, look, my dear.
Is he not more
of a match for you?
He's young...
[COUGHS]
And handsome...
[COUGHS]
And charming.
[COUGHS] What's the matter?
It's difficult to talk
when one is choking.
Endora, will you knock it off?
Sam, please, for the sake
of the children.
Children?
Well, they're not born yet.
But they will be if you'll
just cooperate a little.
Oh!
I beg your pardon.
Oh, Sam...
[GRUNTING]
Your Majesty.
DARRIN:
One little kiss.
[GASPS]
Sam, just one little kiss.
Guards!
Seize this wretch!
How did he escape
from the dungeon?
I know not, sire, unless it be
by the use of magic.
You must be out of your senses
to show your face here.
I didn't mean to show my face.
My mask slipped.
We were undecided about your
fate, but now, by heaven,
you shall be beheaded.
Away!
Wait!
I-if it please
Your Majesty,
this lady was very close
to my mother.
Oh.
[♪]
Now what is it?
Why not have some fun
with him first?
Hm. What did you have
in mind?
Well, your prowess in wrestling
is known throughout the kingdom,
Your Majesty.
How about a match
with this, eh, poltroon?
Oh-ho-ho, madam.
Between this spindly
figure of a man and ourselves
there can be no match.
We would crush him
like a dried leaf.
Well, so what?
He's going to be executed,
anyway.
Thanks, Endora.
I hope your broom goes bald.
I just think
he wants to be coaxed.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, please.
Please, Your Majesty.
It would be so much fun.
Well,
if the sight of blood
and the sound of bones snapping
will not offend the ladies,
very well.
Release him!
[APPLAUSE]
Endora, are you crazy?
It's the only way
to reach Samantha,
to strike
a responsive chord in her.
What's going to be struck
is my head against
this marble floor.
Would you rather have it
fall into a basket?
You have to trust me.
Trust you?
That's the funniest thing
I've ever heard.
At least I'll die laughing.
[SIGHS]
Stand back, stand back.
Not you.
Ready?
[WHIMPERING]
Why, he's nothing but a coward.
Zounds, man!
This is a wrestling match,
not a footrace.
You pick your sport,
I'll pick mine.
[DARRIN & KING GRUNTING]
The king is cracking him
like a walnut.
What fun.
Fun?
I think it's cruel.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
What did you say?
Uncle.
[KING GRUNTING]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
I wouldn't want his death
on my conscience.
[GASPING]
You've killed him.
Well, wasn't that the idea?
You simply have no feelings,
you big klutz.
Klutz?
What is "klutz"?
Ungh!
Thank heaven he's alive.
But he may not be for long.
Just one kiss before I go.
Darrin.
Sam.
Zounds!
Come on.
Come on.
Get up, get up.
Hang on, kids.
Here we go.
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[♪]
Where...?
Where did they go?
Where did who go, sire?
Oh, my lady
and that poor foolish knave
and... And that woman.
I think, Your Majesty,
I'm not sure,
but I think we are having
a royal dream.
Oh. Well, in that case,
shouldn't we be asleep?
Sire, your wisdom
knows no bounds. Sleep.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Ah! There.
The way they have distorted
a famous portrait,
it's downright desecration,
is what it is.
And as you well know,
when Scotland Yard
takes up a case,
they always gets their man.
You'll have to excuse me,
ladies and gentlemen.
This has been
a most unusual day for me.
Most unusual day.
[♪]
Sweetheart, are you all right?
Well, considering I just lost
a wrestling match
to Henry VIII, no.
Psst. Psst.
Ahem. My dear lady, I would like
a word with you.
Oh.
Now, look, I've gotten into
enough trouble because of you.
I was not addressing you.
I was addressing that lovely
and gracious lady at your side.
Who?
Me.
You know, I think
he's kind of cute.
My gracious lady.
Mother, why did you do that?
I'm taking him with me.
What?
Babysitters are allowed to have
friends in, aren't they?
Pay no attention to them,
Herbie.
Sam, you shouldn't have
let her do that.
Now, look at it this way.
Maybe she was tired
of just watching television
in the evening.
I was talking
about the painting.
It's supposed to be a portrait
of Sir Herbert Wellingford.
Oh.
Well, I can fix that.
"The Missing Horseman"?
Sam, that's ridiculous.
Well?
[♪]
[♪]
Elizabeth Montgomery,
inviting you to stay tuned
for Bewitched.
[♪]
NARRATOR: How did a nice
little witch like Samantha
get mixed up with a big bad wolf
like Henry VIII?
It all started
in the Tower of London
when Samantha got carried away
by the plight of a warlock
named Herbie.
I don't know if your powers
are strong enough
to... To release me
but I beg of you, please try.
Well, it seems to me
you've served your sentence.
And that is where
Samantha made her big mistake.
Sam, what...?
Where did he come from?
Darrin blew his top.
But that wasn't the topper.
This was the topper.
Who gave you the right
to reverse my curse?
Nobody. And I apologize.
Apology not accepted.
Now put him back
where he belongs.
Okay, okay.
Now, I'll show you
what we do with meddlers.
Oh, Malvina...
This trip through time
Will teach you a lesson.
In others' affairs
Not to mess in.
Back to Henry VIII go you.
The moment you meet him
Is the moment you'll rue
[THUNDER CRASHING]
NARRATOR: And that's how
Samantha got carried away
to the court of Henry VIII.
♪ Early one morning ♪
♪ Just as the sun was rising ♪
♪ I heard a maiden
Singing in the field below ♪
♪ Oh, don't deceive me ♪
♪ Oh, never leave me ♪
♪ How could you use
A poor maiden so? ♪
[APPLAUSE] Ahhh.
Endora explained that
in order to get Samantha
back from the 16th century,
Darrin would have to go
back to that time,
find Samantha
and win her with a kiss.
Place this talisman
around your neck.
When you need me,
put it between your teeth
and flap your arms like this:
And do this:
[QUACKING]
You're kidding.
No!
As Darrin started
in pursuit of Samantha,
His Majesty, Henry VIII
was engaged in exactly
the same activity.
We are the champion wrestler
of the British Isles.
Well, this-then shouldn't we
pick on someone our own size?
We shall make you
a lady-in-waiting.
And just between you and me,
you won't have to do
much waiting.
[GROANING]
[♪]
[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
♪ Of all the birds
That ever I see ♪
♪ The owl is the fairest
In her degree ♪
♪ For all the day long
She sits in a tree ♪
♪ And when the night comes
Away flies she ♪
♪ Te-whit, te-whoo
To whom drinks thou ♪
♪ Sir, knave, to you? ♪
♪ This song is well-sung
I make you a vow ♪
♪ And he's a knave
That drinketh now ♪
♪ Nose, nose Jolly red nose ♪
♪ And who gave thee
That jolly red nose? ♪
♪ Cinnamon, ginger
Nutmeg and cloves ♪
♪ And that gave me
My jolly red nose ♪
That was lovely.
Thank you, sire.
Come and sit here
beside us, my sweet.
[♪]
[♪]
Do you like us?
Yes, Your Majesty.
Well, then why don't you
show us some affection?
Well, uh, how can I?
Neither of you
ever stops eating.
[BOTH LAUGH]
[♪]
You there!
Take these mounts.
[SAMANTHA SINGING
INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE]
You give them a good cooling.
We've ridden posthaste
from the Tower.
Excuse me. Uh,
who is that singing?
SAMANTHA:
♪ She sits in a tree... ♪
That is the king's new favorite.
Already?
You may well say that.
If I do not mistake the signs,
she is fated to take the place
of poor Catherine.
Eh, Catherine?
What happened to her?
Are you deaf, man?
Did you not hear the cannons
proclaim the sad news
early this morning?
Sad news?
When the queen lost her head.
SAMANTHA:
♪ Cinnamon, ginger... ♪
Y-you mean:
Precisely.
H-how can you be so sure
that the king is serious
about this lady?
These are
the late queen's jewels.
We were sent to the Tower
to fetch them
so His Majesty could present
them to his lady love.
What do you think, boy?
Is that serious?
Oh, boy, is that serious.
SAMANTHA: ♪ Nose,
nose Jolly red nose ♪
♪ And who gave thee
That jolly red nose? ♪
♪ Cinnamon, ginger
Nutmeg and cloves ♪
♪ That gave me
My jolly red nose ♪
[♪]
Yes?
CHAMBERLAIN: We've come
with the jewels, sire.
Enter, enter!
[♪]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Stop.
What do you want?
You're needed right away
downstairs.
The jewels are all here
and accounted for?
With the exception
of a pearl necklace that...
That needs restringing.
Uh, open this, my sweet.
[KNOCK ON DOOR] Yes?
[BRITISH ACCENT]
The pastry tray, Your Majesty.
HENRY:
Enter, enter!
[♪]
[GASPS]
Your Majesty.
That will be yours, my lovely.
Oh. But I've done nothing
to deserve this.
You will.
May we speak with Your Majesty
privately a moment?
It concerns the reaction
of the crowd
at this morning's event.
[GRUNTING]
Pastry, eh, milady?
No, thank you.
[NORMAL VOICE] You really
don't recognize me, do you?
Should I?
I-I know you don't
remember anything, but...
W-well,
look into my eyes.
Look deep.
Don't you see anything?
Yes.
Why are your eyes so bloodshot?
Probably because I'm having
a nervous breakdown.
Just give me a little kiss,
and it'll all come back to you.
What?
Shh.
Think, think.
I'm Darrin, your husband.
You're Samantha.
I'm a mortal.
You're a witch.
Now, please, try to remember.
Why?
Sounds like a good thing
to forget.
You've gotta get out of here
while they're talking.
Unhand me, you peasant.
Unhand me.
Zounds!
What knavery is this?
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Eh, pastry, me Majesty?
For this you shall die!
Your Majesty, I beg of you,
restrain yourself.
Another killing now will only
inflame the people further.
Yes, let's not
inflame the people.
Sam, please,
one little kiss a-and all this
will make sense to you.
Take him away.
Your Majesty, spare him.
Why?
Why not?
What?
Well, it's obvious the poor man
has lost his senses.
Oh, well.
Summon the guards and have him
thrown into the dungeon.
Take him from my sight.
Wait a minute.
You can't do this to me.
I'm not even a British citizen.
Why did he call me...
Sam?
We don't know.
But for that alone,
we shall have him beheaded.
[♪]
Hey, what are you doing there?
[METAL GRATING]
Hey, there.
You, there.
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, there, what are you doing?
[♪]
What is it?
I-I was just wondering,
uh, what you were doing.
It don't take much brains
to figure out this ain't for
butchering chickens, do it?
No, it don't. Don't.
Lucky for you,
His Majesty is busy
having a masked ball.
Because I haven't got
the orders yet.
[LAUGHS]
Endora,
I never dreamed I'd welcome
your interference,
but here goes.
[QUACKING]
In trouble again?
Again? I've never
been out of it.
We've got to get
to Samantha right away.
The King executed
his fifth wife this morning,
and he's planning to make Sam
number six in the big parade.
That is grim.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Open the door.
And how would you suggest
I do that?
Give it a zap.
For your information, Darwin,
since this is the 16th century,
I do not have my powers.
W-why not?
Because it's the 16th century,
and I wasn't even born yet.
Could have fooled me.
Look here, Durweed,
I only have the power
to get here and to leave here.
Okay, okay.
I'm only staying
because Samantha needs her mama.
But if you don't have
your powers,
how are you gonna get me
out of here?
Well,
I'll just have to use
my native ingenuity.
I'm dead.
[BRITISH ACCENT] You, there!
Come here at once.
What are you doing here?
There are no visitors allowed.
For your information,
my good man, I am not a visitor.
I am here by the order
of His Majesty Henry VIII,
King of England, France
and King of Ireland.
You are?
He has asked me
to check on the conditions
of the prisoners.
I am appalled.
You are?
This prisoner has a gold coin
in his possession.
Give me the coin.
There.
You see?
[♪]
You know
that prisoners
are not to have gold.
Your eyes
are getting very heavy.
Gold is the root of all evil.
You are getting so tired.
And this chain is definitely
a dangerous weapon.
You want to sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.
He's out.
[SNORING]
Oh, wouldn't you know it?
Oh, Durwood.
Durwood, wake up!
Wake up!
Oh, Endora,
am I glad to see you.
I was having this
ridiculous nightmare
that I was back in the 16th...
It's a real nightmare.
Here, take the coins.
[♪]
Now, tell me this,
did you try...?
Did you try to approach
Samantha?
Oh, yes.
And she wouldn't have
a thing to do with me.
Oh, if that had only happened
when you first met.
Now, come on.
Let's find Samantha.
No, wait.
What?
What about him?
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
I'll give him
a post-hypnotic suggestion.
When you wake,
you'll feel rotten.
Come on.
[♪]
[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]
Where is she?
There.
Do I look okay?
Splendid.
The court tailor was
a very easy subject, wasn't he?
That was lovely, my dear.
We are very pleased.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
Endora, quick.
And before the music
starts again,
you've got to get to Samantha.
Getting to Samantha
is no problem.
But trying to convince her
that you'd make a better husband
than Henry VIII
doesn't make too much sense.
Hope I can do it without
choking on the words.
Just convince her,
and you can choke afterwards.
Your Majesty.
Milady, I'm very happy for you.
I know you don't remember me,
but your mother and I
were very close.
You knew my mother?
Oh, yes.
Then you know who I am?
Definitely.
Who am I?
You really want to know?
Oh, yes, yes, desperately.
You see that young man
over there?
Give him a kiss,
just one little kiss,
and it will all
come back to you.
Who are you?
A very close friend
of your mother's,
who, incidentally,
was a very lovely woman.
I don't think she would approve
of your involvement
with the king.
No? Why not?
Well, for one thing,
he's too fat.
He's not fat.
He's just a little short
for his weight.
You mean he'd be thin
if he were 10 or 11 feet tall?
Shh.
Do you want to be
accused of treason?
Be smart.
Give him a little kiss,
just one little kiss.
[GROANS]
You!
Please don't yell.
I told you
not to show your face.
Now, look, my dear.
Is he not more
of a match for you?
He's young...
[COUGHS]
And handsome...
[COUGHS]
And charming.
[COUGHS] What's the matter?
It's difficult to talk
when one is choking.
Endora, will you knock it off?
Sam, please, for the sake
of the children.
Children?
Well, they're not born yet.
But they will be if you'll
just cooperate a little.
Oh!
I beg your pardon.
Oh, Sam...
[GRUNTING]
Your Majesty.
DARRIN:
One little kiss.
[GASPS]
Sam, just one little kiss.
Guards!
Seize this wretch!
How did he escape
from the dungeon?
I know not, sire, unless it be
by the use of magic.
You must be out of your senses
to show your face here.
I didn't mean to show my face.
My mask slipped.
We were undecided about your
fate, but now, by heaven,
you shall be beheaded.
Away!
Wait!
I-if it please
Your Majesty,
this lady was very close
to my mother.
Oh.
[♪]
Now what is it?
Why not have some fun
with him first?
Hm. What did you have
in mind?
Well, your prowess in wrestling
is known throughout the kingdom,
Your Majesty.
How about a match
with this, eh, poltroon?
Oh-ho-ho, madam.
Between this spindly
figure of a man and ourselves
there can be no match.
We would crush him
like a dried leaf.
Well, so what?
He's going to be executed,
anyway.
Thanks, Endora.
I hope your broom goes bald.
I just think
he wants to be coaxed.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, please.
Please, Your Majesty.
It would be so much fun.
Well,
if the sight of blood
and the sound of bones snapping
will not offend the ladies,
very well.
Release him!
[APPLAUSE]
Endora, are you crazy?
It's the only way
to reach Samantha,
to strike
a responsive chord in her.
What's going to be struck
is my head against
this marble floor.
Would you rather have it
fall into a basket?
You have to trust me.
Trust you?
That's the funniest thing
I've ever heard.
At least I'll die laughing.
[SIGHS]
Stand back, stand back.
Not you.
Ready?
[WHIMPERING]
Why, he's nothing but a coward.
Zounds, man!
This is a wrestling match,
not a footrace.
You pick your sport,
I'll pick mine.
[DARRIN & KING GRUNTING]
The king is cracking him
like a walnut.
What fun.
Fun?
I think it's cruel.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
What did you say?
Uncle.
[KING GRUNTING]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
I wouldn't want his death
on my conscience.
[GASPING]
You've killed him.
Well, wasn't that the idea?
You simply have no feelings,
you big klutz.
Klutz?
What is "klutz"?
Ungh!
Thank heaven he's alive.
But he may not be for long.
Just one kiss before I go.
Darrin.
Sam.
Zounds!
Come on.
Come on.
Get up, get up.
Hang on, kids.
Here we go.
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[♪]
Where...?
Where did they go?
Where did who go, sire?
Oh, my lady
and that poor foolish knave
and... And that woman.
I think, Your Majesty,
I'm not sure,
but I think we are having
a royal dream.
Oh. Well, in that case,
shouldn't we be asleep?
Sire, your wisdom
knows no bounds. Sleep.
[♪]
[♪]
[♪]
Ah! There.
The way they have distorted
a famous portrait,
it's downright desecration,
is what it is.
And as you well know,
when Scotland Yard
takes up a case,
they always gets their man.
You'll have to excuse me,
ladies and gentlemen.
This has been
a most unusual day for me.
Most unusual day.
[♪]
Sweetheart, are you all right?
Well, considering I just lost
a wrestling match
to Henry VIII, no.
Psst. Psst.
Ahem. My dear lady, I would like
a word with you.
Oh.
Now, look, I've gotten into
enough trouble because of you.
I was not addressing you.
I was addressing that lovely
and gracious lady at your side.
Who?
Me.
You know, I think
he's kind of cute.
My gracious lady.
Mother, why did you do that?
I'm taking him with me.
What?
Babysitters are allowed to have
friends in, aren't they?
Pay no attention to them,
Herbie.
Sam, you shouldn't have
let her do that.
Now, look at it this way.
Maybe she was tired
of just watching television
in the evening.
I was talking
about the painting.
It's supposed to be a portrait
of Sir Herbert Wellingford.
Oh.
Well, I can fix that.
"The Missing Horseman"?
Sam, that's ridiculous.
Well?
[♪]
[♪]