Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 8, Episode 15 - Samantha's Magic Sitter - full transcript

Hi. This is
Elizabeth Montgomery,

inviting you to stay tuned
for Bewitched.

[♪]

Do these look all right,
sweetheart?

Fine, fine.

How about these?

Great, great.

How about this?

Perfect, perfect.

You sure it's not too dressy?

Sam, will you stop
kidding around?



We don't want to be late.

We have plenty of time.

Oh, wait a minute.

Let me help you with those.

These business dinners
are a pain anyway.

Why do you do it?

It's all part of
Larry's selling concept.

Wine, dine, and sign.

Yoo-hoo,
Esmeralda.

Oh, Mr. Stephens,
you don't have any pants on.

In the privacy of my bedroom,

I don't see
anything wrong with that.

If I had any privacy.

Well, if you'll excuse me,



I'll just pop down
to the kitchen

and fix myself
some scrambled legs.

Eggs.

Ohh...

Sam, what is she doing here?

She told you.

Her flaps were flipping when
they should've been flapping.

I don't mean in the bedroom.
I mean here.

Help! Help me!

ESMERALDA:
Help me! Help!

Help! Help!

Help! Help me!

Help me! Oh, my goodness,
how'd I get in here?

Help! Help!

Sam, don't tell me that...

Well, it isn't Santa Claus.

[♪]

ANNOUNCER:

[♪]

[♪]

Be careful.
Watch your hat now.

Now, you're all upset
over nothing.

Just relax and I'll, uh,
I'll clean you up.

Sweetheart, would you turn
the other way?

With pleasure.

There you are.

Thank you, Samantha.

You're so talented.

Oh, I see you're dressed up
to go out.

I guess it's lucky I dropped by.

It is?

I mean, it'll solve
your sitter problem.

Well, that's very sweet
of you, Esmeralda,

but Aunt Hagatha's
baby-sitting for us.

Aw...

Well, I mean, naturally, we
thought of you right away, but...

Samantha, I know that
you're just saying that

to make me feel better.

Oh, no!
But the truth is,

I know you don't trust me,
but I don't blame you,

I don't blame you.

So if you don't mind,
I'll just say my final goodbyes.

What do you mean goodbye?
Where are you going?

No place.

I'm going to change myself
into something useful.

Change yourself? Into what?

A punching bag.

Hitting a punching bag

helps people get rid
of their frustrations

and it's also good exercise.

So at last I'd be doing
something worthwhile.

Esmeralda, you're not making
any sense.

I thought she made sense.

Esmeralda, you're overreacting.

You're our favorite baby-sitter.

I am?

Well, of course.
You're always our first choice.

You're wonderful
with the children.

Oh, if I thought
that was true...

It's true, it's true.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

[♪]

Larry, I thought we were
to meet you and the Nortons

at the restaurant.

So did I,
up until 15 minutes ago.

Hi, Sam, Esmeralda.

What happened?

Their regular sitter conked out.

Well, if it's just a matter
of a baby-sitter,

why don't the Nortons
call the agency?

Are you kidding?

A regular, run-of-the-mill
baby-sitter for the Nortons?

Oh.

Mr. Norton said to go on to
dinner anyway as his guests.

Well, somehow it doesn't seem
right to go without the Nortons.

LARRY:
Doesn't seem right to me either.

You know, I was all set
to maneuver Norton

into signing on the dotted line.

Well, I-if your business dinner
is so important

I happen to know someone
who's very good with children.

Oh?

At least, certain persons
think so.

Well, who'd you have in mind?

Shall I tell him, or will you?

Well, I guess I'll tell you.

Me.

You?

Well, I thought you were sitting
for Sam and Darrin, aren't you?

Uh-uh.

They had to settle for
Samantha's Aunt Hagatha instead.

Well, then, if you're available,

we're in.

No, we're not.

I mean, Esmeralda isn't up to...

Weren't you just telling us
how not up to things you felt?

Well, just to know
that I'm needed,

all of a sudden,
I feel much better.

Oh, it's like a miracle.

Then it's all settled.

I'll call the Nortons
and tell them

we've found the perfect
baby-sitter.

And we can keep our dinner date.

Uh, Larry, no.
Uh, er...

Believe me, it won't work out.

Well, why not? Esmeralda sits
for your kids, doesn't she?

Yes, she's perfect
for us, but...

But what?

But, well...

But what?

Your kids aren't any different
from any other kids.

You wanna bet?

[♪]

Of course, I won't go
into details

about the campaign I worked up,

but when Darrin
lays it out for you...

Are you positive
she's qualified?

Mrs. Norton,
your fears are needless.

Sam...

tell her what a marvelous
baby-sitter your aunt is.

Oh, yes, well...

Aunt Esmeralda
is out of this world.

Way, way out.

Martha, I really wish
you'd stop worrying about this.

I think the reason
Ralph is so sensitive

is that you fuss
over him too much.

[SIGHS]

Mrs. Norton, I'm sure you have
nothing to worry about.

Matter of fact,
your Aunt Esmeralda

probably has more
to worry about than Ralph.

"And from that time on,

"the little prince
was never lonely again

"because all he had to do
was sit down

on his wonderful
traveling cloak"...

[♪]

Ralph, that arrow
came very close.

"...on his wonderful
traveling cloak

"and go sailing off
into the sky,

soaring over the mountains,
and rivers, and villages."

There. How did you like the
story of The Little Lame Prince?

No one can fly with a cloak.

With this one you could.

How come? Was it jet-propelled?

Better than that.
It was a magic cloak.

What?

What happened?

Just a little magic.

There's no such thing as magic.

If I wanted to,
I could show you some magic.

Go ahead.

Well...

Well, all right.

But you've got to promise
not to tell anyone.

Now, then, let me see...

Oh.

Keep your eye on that lion cub

and watch his tail wag.

Thirteen uncles,
Eighteen nieces,

Wag, oh, wag your tail
To pieces.

[♪]

He didn't wag his tail.

Well, I'll just try
something else.

Let me see.

Now, what was that one?
Oh, yes.

Flapjacks and noodles,
Hamburgers rare,

I want two poodles,
And make it a pair.

[GROWLS]

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, my goodness.
I said "pair," not "bear."

Who cares? Can I keep him?

Oh, no, Ralph. Your parents
wouldn't like it.

Eat a peach, peel a pear,
O'Leery and O'Brien,

Bear fade and change to air,
To prove that I'm not lying.

I did it! I did it!

Now, Ralphie, it's time for you
to go to sleep.

[♪]

Elliott.

I'm worried about Ralphie.

Oh, Martha, please,
don't start that again.

Mrs. Norton,
why don't you call home?

I'm sure everything's all right.

Okay, okay, if that'll make you
feel better. Waiter!

Bring us a phone,
will you, please?

How do you do all those tricks?
Are you a magician?

No.

I'm a witch.

You are? Boy, I wish you could
sit with me all the time.

That would be nice.

[PHONE RINGING]

Well, good night, Ralphie.

Night.

[♪]

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mrs. Norton.

Yes. Oh, yes, everything's fine.

Ralphie's just
going to sleep now.

Oh, yes, you all have
a good time.

Everything's fine.
So I'll see you later.

Bye-bye.

Come in.

ESMERALDA:
Good evening.

Good evening.
How's our little Ralphie?

Oh, I just checked on him.

He's sound asleep with such
a peaceful smile on his face.

I can't understand it.

Getting him to sleep
has been such a hassle.

How did you manage?

Just a knack.

Excuse me while I get my coat.

A knack! She has
a rare talent.

Darrin, your ideas
are very good.

Now, we're meeting
tomorrow afternoon...

[♪]

Thank you. I'll be looking
forward to it.

Uh, we'll be saying
our good-nights, then.

I'm rather anxious
to check on our baby-sitter.

Good night, Mr. Norton,
Mrs. Norton.

MRS. NORTON:
Good night.

Thanks again.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Sam, what are you doing?

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty.

[VICIOUS SNARL]

[♪]

Where did he come from?

Yes, Esmeralda,
where did he come from?

Oh, mercy.

Well, never mind.

Just tell me what he was,
and I'll change him back.

He was a stuffed toy.

I thought you couldn't change...

Well, I can't change the spell,

but I can change that lion cub
into a toy lion cub.

Put this over here,

where Ralphie will find it
in the morning.

Every other baby-sitter
just sits.

But not Esmeralda.
Oh, no.

She has to amuse her clients
with sloppy, second-rate spells

that invariably...

Everything turned out
just fine, Darrin.

So I don't care to discuss it.

[♪]

Mr. Stephens is
absolutely right.

I am just a sloppy,
second-rate witch.

Esmeralda, will you
forget about that?

And I'd probably turn out
to be a sloppy,

second-rate
punching bag too.

Stop punishing yourself.
The incident is forgotten.

Well, I better put
the roast in the oven.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[♪]

Oh, hi, Mrs. Norton.
What a pleasant surprise.

This is not a social visit.

Oh. Well, come in, let me
fix you a cup of coffee or tea.

Uh-oh.

There. See what
you've done?

What I've done?

It's just a black eye, Mom.

Just a black eye?

Oh, my poor, brave darling.

Mrs. Norton.

I'm very sorry about
Ralph's shiner, but how...

Well, I-I mean, what does that
have to do with me?

You recommended your
Aunt Esmeralda, didn't you?

Well, yes, I did, but...

MRS. NORTON:
And it was your Aunt Esmeralda

who filled Ralphie's head
with all of those lies

about witches and spells.

But she's a good witch.

Shut up, Ralphie!

Mrs. Norton, I don't know
what Ralph told you, but...

Ralphie didn't tell us anything.

He told his classmates
all those lies

about animals appearing
and disappearing.

And having a witch
for a baby-sitter.

His classmates made fun of him.

One thing led to another
and they started to fight.

Those monsters might have killed
my little Ralphie.

Mrs. Norton, I can't tell you
how sorry I am.

MRS. NORTON:
Sorry is not enough.

I came here to tell you

that your Aunt Esmeralda
is a menace.

My little Ralphie
never lied before.

Mrs. Norton,
I'm sure I can explain,

if you'd just give me chance...

And don't think that
I haven't told Mr. Norton

about this outrage.

[♪]

Oh, I wouldn't think that
for a second.

Well...

I suppose you heard.

Every word.

Of course, you're not gonna let
a little thing like that

bother you.

Are you letting it bother you?

Yes.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

DARRIN: Sam, do you
know what's happened?

Sweetheart, you're shouting.

I know I'm shouting, but not
as loud as Larry was shouting.

Norton called a few minutes ago

and canceled our meeting
this afternoon.

Yes, I know.

Mrs. Norton was just here.

He told Larry about Esmeralda
and her hocus-pocus

and he pulled the account.

Sweetheart,
Esmeralda didn't mean...

I know she didn't mean to,
but the point is,

why can't she keep
her magic to herself?

It isn't the magic, it's...

[♪]

Uh, sweetheart, I think
you've just said the magic word.

What's that?
Magic.

Hm?
Uh, trust me.

I have some preparing to do,
and I better hurry.

[♪]

Hi.

Hi.

Been shopping?

After you called,

I went out and got
these simple magic tricks.

Voilà.

I'm planning a party
for tomorrow.

Why not? We have a lot
to celebrate.

It's for Tabitha and Adam.
And Ralphie.

And Mr. and Mrs. Norton.
And Larry Tate.

Why?

We're having ice cream and cake,
and martinis.

And a magic show with Esmeralda
as the magician.

It doesn't matter
how simple the tricks are.

Esmeralda will goof them up.

Exactly.

And when Esmeralda puts
her special brand of magic

on top of these very simple
magic tricks,

it will simply prove to the
Nortons that what Ralphie saw

was some very convincing magic.

I suppose there's some logic
buried in there someplace.

But how do you expect
to get the Nortons here?

Well, I'm capable
of a little magic myself.

I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

[♪]

Good.

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

Yes?

Mrs. Stephens?

Oh, well, put her on.

Oh, hi, Sam. I'm right in the
middle of a big conference,

so if you could make it brief.

A party for Tabitha?

Well, that's a hard one
to turn down.

Mr. Norton will be there.

So tell Tabitha
to expect her Uncle Larry.

Bye.

[♪]

[DIALS PHONE]

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

What?

Are you ready for this?

It's Mrs. Stephens calling
to invite Ralphie to a party.

Good, let me tell her off.

Oh, no, you don't.
This is my pleasure.

Mrs. Stephens.

I'm going to tell you exactly
what you can do with your party.

[♪]

Of course, we'll be there.

Goodbye.

Bye-bye.

Take Ralphie...

to party at Stephens'...

this afternoon.

But you just said that you...

I know what I just said,
but we're going.

You too.

What makes you say that?

I don't know
what makes me say that.

But you're going.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Oh, hi,
Mr. and Mrs. Norton.

Come right in and
make yourselves comfortable.

Show's about to start.

There'll be ice cream,
and cookies, and favors later.

Goody!

Hi, Ralphie.
Ralphie.

Mrs. Norton,
Mr. Norton.

TABITHA:
Stop it.

Robert.

It's not nice to punch Tabitha
in the stomach.

Where should I punch her?

Tabitha, you trade places
with Terry.

[♪]

All right, here we go.

You all set?
All set.

And remember, I'm on my own.

Oh, yeah, we're counting
on that.

For my first
mysterious illusion,

I will take this ordinary
metal triangle and...

Oh! Metal hoop!

And, uh, presto!

Oh, rats.

Oh, wait a minute,
that's not the trick.

Let's just move on.

Oh, yes.

And now a trick that has
baffled and entertained

the crowned heads of Europe.

You can see that
this is perfectly empty.

And this, there's nothing
concealed in this, you see?

All right.

Presto!

[HUMMING NERVOUSLY]

Oh!

I'm such a silly goose!

CHILDREN:
More, more! More!

That's amazing.
How did she do that?

How do I know?

I don't even know why I'm here.

Why are they applauding?
I goofed.

GIRL:
More!

Now you stop that.
I'll tell you when to applaud.

Get rid of that.

Eat a pickled kumquat,
Farewell from a dummy,

Enjoyed your stay,
But, now, good day,

Oh, spell, Be on the money.

Oh...

I said "money",
not "monkey."

She puts on a pretty
good show, eh, Martha?

Esmeralda, do something.

Bats in the belfry,
Pigs in a poke,

Lose that monkey Before I choke.

What happened?

She...

You were changed to a monkey.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Well, that concludes our show.

Okay, kids, there's
ice cream and cake

in the dining room.

Okay, now, you follow Tabitha.
Run along.

You too, Adam.

Attaboy.

Esmeralda, you certainly put on
a convincing magic act.

How did you do
that last illusion?

Believe me, I wish I knew.

What she means is

no magician ever reveals
the secrets of the trade.

Of course.

Oh, I can't get over it.
I actually saw a monkey.

So did I.

And so did all the kids.

But we all know
that's impossible,

don't we, Mrs. Norton?

You know, I almost felt
like a monkey.

Would you believe that?

[LAUGHS]

Well, you should've
believed Ralphie.

Can you ever forgive me
for all those things

I said about your
Aunt Esmeralda?

Now that I can see
the kind of tricks she can do,

I don't blame Ralphie
for believing in witchcraft.

Well...

Aunt Esmeralda is
no ordinary person.

Believe me.

[♪]

[♪]

Oh, my.

That was the nicest
farewell party I ever had.

But, now, it's time to go.

Well, we're gonna miss you.

Yes, things certainly won't be
the same with you gone.

Well, thank you,
Mr. Stephens.

After my big success
as a magician,

oh, I'm so sure of myself.

I mean, I know where I'm going.

Wonderful.
Have a nice trip.

Thank you.

And come back soon.

How about that?
A new Esmeralda.

Secure, serene,

knows exactly where she's going.

ESMERALDA:
Help! Help!

[♪]

ESMERALDA:
Help!

Help!

I guess I took a wrong turn.
I'm sorry.

Esmeralda, you have nothing
to be sorry about.

And now you can settle something
I've always wondered about.

Does the light really go out
when the door closes?

[♪]

[♪]