Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 7, Episode 4 - Samantha's Hot Bedwarmer - full transcript

In part 2, the antique bed warmer turns out to be a rejected suitor of Serena's who must return to 17th century Salem to undo her hex.

Uh, there's witches
up there. See?

See? See? Heh-heh.

They changed the witch sign

from an old hag witch
to a pretty young witch.

And the cops are
going up there right now,

and they're gonna get 'em
for taking the bedwarmer.

Sam, I don't wanna
spend the first day

of what I laughingly
call a vacation, in jail.

But, sweetheart,
it isn't my fault

that the bedwarmer
followed me back

from the House of Seven Gables.



Sam, we're harboring
a hot bedwarmer.

Now, will you please zap
it back to where it belongs.

Darrin, this is a warlock
who has been transformed.

Now, don't you think I have

a moral obligation to help him?

I think you have
a moral obligation

to see that we stay out of jail.

Ow!

Sam, if you don't
get rid of that, I will.

With an axe.

- Who is it?
- Open up. Police.

Sam, honey, quick.
Zap it out of here.

What's the matter?

He doesn't wanna go.



Well, this is no time
to give him a choice.

Darrin, there is a
warlock in there.

Now, if he refuses to leave,
my witchcraft won't work.

You witches have
the dumbest rules.

And at the dumbest times.

Open up in there.

I'd better hide it.

Boy, are you stubborn.

Coming.

Oh. Hello, Miss Ferndale.

We'd like to talk to
you about something.

You mind if we come in?

Uh, not at all.

Is that him? Yes.
And that's her.

And if you don't
mind, I'm going to

look for my bedwarmer.

Oh, Miss Ferndale.

We just brought you up here

to make the identification.

The rest is up to us.

Oh. Very well.

I'll never understand

how you thought you
could get away with it.

With what?

Officer, please call me

as soon as you
recover the bedwarmer.

I certainly will.

You were both at the House
of the Seven Gables today?

Uh, that's right.

Have either one of you

any knowledge of a bedwarmer?

I... I do.

Uh, first, you put
the hot coals inside,

a-and then you pass it between

the cold sheets to warm them.

I don't think you understand.

This valuable
antique was missing

from the House of the
Seven Gables today,

right after you people left.

W... Now, wait a minute.

Uh, you're not
implying that we stole it?

Oh, uh, of course
not, sweetheart.

The officers are
just doing their duty.

When they find out they have

the wrong party,
I'm sure they'll apo...

Logize.

Wrong party, huh?

O-officer, we are
telling the truth.

We did not steal it.

No? What did it
do? Follow you here?

Yes. As a matter
of fact, it did.

Wiseacre remarks are
not going to help you.

You're both under arrest.

She had nothing to do with it.

Okay. Then you're under arrest.

It's, uh... heavier
than it looks.

Excuse me. May I?

Now, I want you to go

with these nice gentlemen.

And I want you to stay
put until you hear from me.

I don't want you
to do anything rash.

You understand?

Grab it.

Grab what?

The bedwarmer.

You grab it.

All right, let's go.

Up here, Samantha.

Oh. Uh, Mother,
you have to help me.

Just a minute.

I'm looking over the
agenda for tonight's meeting.

But it's an emergency.

Oh. What is it?

The police have arrested Darrin
for stealing that bedwarmer.

And?

He's in jail.

You call that an emergency?

That's not funny.

Excuse me.

Why are you so upset?

What's the worst
that can happen? Uh...

They'll put Durwood away
for a week or a month.

Or a year at the
most... if we're lucky.

Mother, sometimes

you can be positively vicious.

Thank you, my precious pet.

Yeah. Now, now, look.
They cannot hold Darrin

if I can get rid
of the evidence.

Uh, now, I have
to find the spell

that'll turn that bedwarmer
back to its original form.

The only one who
can tell you that

is the witch who cast it.

Well, I know that.

That's why I want you
to put me on the agenda

so I can ask if
anyone knows about it.

Well, it's a pretty
long agenda right now.

We probably won't
get to you tonight.

Mother... either I am
first on the agenda,

or Daddy is going to find out

all about you and
Sir Walter Raleigh.

What is there to find out?

The dear man was kind enough

to put his cape down
over a puddle for me.

You invited him home to dinner.

So what?

Mother, uh, when you sent me

to bed after dinner...
I didn't go to bed.

Oh, heh. Guess who's
first on the agenda?

All right. All right.

It's time to get started.

Let's settle down, shall we?

As chairlady...

I declare the
Centennial Convocation

of the Witches of the
World to be in session.

The first on the agenda

is my daughter, Samantha.

Thank you.

You have 10 seconds.

What? How can I explain

the problem in 10 seconds?

You now have eight seconds.

Uh, I... I want to
know if anyone here

has any knowledge of an incident

that apparently took place
during the witch hunts.

It involves a bedwarmer.

Well, we have to move on.

The next order of business...

Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, Mother, please.

Now what?

Will you try? You try.

Send a message out to
the atmospheric continuum.

Oh.

Very well.

Will those in front
move back a bit?

There may be a little fallout.

Sparks fly up And fire rise

While I the air Do mesmerize

Find the one Who cast the spell

And bring him To this ferny dell

Well, we should have an
answer within a few minutes.

Oh, good.

Uh, that'll give me time

to pop down to
jail and see Darrin.

Uh, he's going to be tickled

when he finds out how
cooperative you've been.

Tsk. I may be ill.

I'll go quietly, officer.

Oh. Oh.

Can't you stop snoring?

Only if I stop sleeping.

Forget it. Go back to sleep.

Can't. Once I'm up, I'm
up for the rest of the...

Hi, sweetheart.

Sam, what are you doing here?

Suppose somebody sees you?

I just dropped in for a minute

to tell you the good news.

Mother just sent out a call

to find the person

who put the spell
on that bedwarmer.

I knew it. I knew it.

They're back. The
witches are back.

You'd better cut
out of here quick.

Okay. Bye-bye, sweetheart.

See you in court.

All right now.
What's all the fuss?

Wouldn't believe me when

I told you there
was witches, huh?

Explain to me how
she got in here.

Who? Her.

What...? W-what happened to her?

Mr. Potter... go back to sleep.

And have another nightmare?

Not me.

I'm gonna stay awake all night.

Good. That's the first break

I've had all day.

Oh, Samantha. We've
been waiting for you.

Has anything happened? Uh, yes.

Uh, the witch who cast
that spell just arrived.

Uh, she's over there
with your mother.

Serena.

Might have known.

Oh!

Oh, there you are, darling.

Look what the atmospheric
continuum blew in.

Hi, Serena. Hi, Sammy.

Figures.

Okay. Uh, just give me the spell

you used to change him.

Oh, you've got to be kidding.

That was 300 years ago.

I can't remember that far back.

She has a hard enough
time remembering

what happened yesterday.

Ha-ha-ha! Thanks, Auntie Endora.

Well, I have to get
back to the palace

before the maharajah's
wives return from the seashore.

Uh-uh. No, no.

You're not going anywhere.

Not until we
straighten this out.

Mother? Now what?

What you are going to do is

send her back to old Salem

so she can
re-create the incident

and sharpen her memory.

Okay. Let's get this
show on the road.

- Winds blow -
And stars turn round

Into the past With
the speed of sound

Take this witch To
the time and place

Back to the scene
Of Salem's disgrace

Uh, uh... Uh, Serena.

Widow Patterson. What
has happened to thee?

I am accused of being a witch.

Oh.

Oh, Serena. Thou art too much.

Oh. Thy lovely wench.

Mm. Mm-hm-hm.

Ooh.

- Serena.
- Ah!

Serena. Well,
what art thou doing?

Well, I'm not picking cotton.

What can I do for you, chum?

What are those... lips?

Groovy, huh?

Why is thy speech suddenly
so strange to mine ears?

Don't ask me. I'm
not an ear doctor.

Have you ever heard of knocking

before you enter a lady's house?

Well, we have no secrets from
each other, have we, sweetest?

Hast thou thought
about my proposal?

What proposal? Oh.

Oh. Y-you mean
about getting married.

Oh, get up, Newton.

We had a lovely
weekend. Why spoil it?

Spoil it? I just wanna make
it last forever and a day.

I might consider a day...

but you can forget
about forever.

Oh, Serena. I shall
never leave thy side.

That could make
things a bit awkward.

Art thou expecting somebody?

No. But you never know

when the witch
hunters might barge in.

Not that we couldn't barge out,

but... oh, it's just
such a nuisance.

Aye. And my witchcraft
isn't all it should be.

That's not the only thing.

Hm?

Oh, that reminds me.

Uh, Captain Nichols stopped
me on the street the other day

and asked me a lot
of questions about you.

No. Yes.

Y-you mean, they suspect me?

Uh, w-what did you tell him?

Well, I just said...

Who is it?

Captain Nichols.

It is he. He knows I am here.

He's coming after me.

C-c-come. W-we had best vanish.

I'm not going to vanish
till I finish my hair.

But perhaps you had best.

Yes. Yes, it...
It might be wise.

See? When I'm nervous,
my powers keep failing me.

So I've noticed.

What am I to do?

I know. I know.

I'll change you into
something inanimate.

What would you like to be?

I-it makes little
difference. Just do it.

Rumble-ty tumble-ty
Snickety snack

This spell will give
you Just what you lack

Courage and calm
Particularly the former

Zippity-zappity You're
now a bedwarmer

Oh, no. Not... Oh. Cute.

No, you don't.

Coming.

What took thee
so long to answer?

Wouldst have me come
to the door half-dressed?

Why not?

Oh!

She'll be back in a moment.

This is getting to be
a drag, Auntie Endora.

One more unwelcome interruption,

and I am going to freak out.

Never mind that.

Court's about to
go into session.

Did you remember the spell?

Yes.

But I've been thinking.

If you change Newton back,

he's gonna start
bugging me again.

W-well, I'm sorry
about that, Serena,

but it's the only way
I can clear Darrin.

It is, huh?

You sure?

Positive.

Sammy... would it
really be so terrible

if Ding-dong

spent one or two years in jail?

What?! You give me that spell!

Gee. It was just a suggestion.

Hi there.

Well... you're early.

Courtroom's right down the hall.

Won't be in session
for another half hour.

I know. Um, I-I was wondering
if you could do me a favor.

What's that?

Sleep tight.

Will you behave yourself?

Rumble-ty tumble-ty
Snicker-y snack

This is the spell That
will change you back

First a warlock Then a bedwarmer

Zippity-zappity Now
you're the former

Oh, Serena, my
dearest. Ow. Uh...

You look lovely as a blond.

Newton, I am not S-Serena. What?

No, I-I-I'm her
cousin, Samantha.

Oh, she must have
told you about me.

Oh, yes. How do
you do, Samantha?

How do you do?

Now, where is my darling Serena?

That was a rotten
trick she pulled on me,

but I still dig that chick.

"Dig?" "Chick?"

How did a 300-year-old
bedwarmer get so hip?

By keeping my ears
open and my lid shut.

Now, take me to Serena.

Well, I-I think there's
something you should know.

Yes?

In exchange for
giving me the spell,

your darling Serena
made me promise

that you would never
bother her again. Ever.

Under any circumstances.

She said that?

Yes.

You know, maybe I
ought to forget about her.

Good idea.

And start thinking about you.

No, forget it, Newton.

I've been out of
circulation so long.

Well, a little bit
longer can't hurt.

Let's bring you up-to-date.

Oh, lovely. Mm-hm.

Where are we going? To court.

Terrific. Whom am I
going to be courting?

Brother. Do you
have a one-track mind.

True, true.

Robbed?

Told you I had a plan.

Some plan, stealing
the evidence.

Some gratitude.

How can you say that to

this lovely lady
who liberated me?

I can say it because
this lovely lady is my wife.

Oh?

Oh.

Oh.

Miss... Miss Ferndale,
hello... Sit down, Newton.

She only knows
you as a bedwarmer.

True. I've been hanging there

for years admiring her.

Will the defendant

please approach the bench?

Now, the evidence
seems to be missing.

You wouldn't happen to know

anything about that, would you?

Me? Your Honor, I
was locked up all night.

Uh, e-excuse me,
Your... Your Honor.

Uh, perhaps I can explain.

She's the defendant's
wife, Your Honor.

Yes?

Well, I-I don't know
whether the officers

mentioned this in
their report or not,

but, uh, that was a
very unusual bedwarmer.

What is she talking about?

I haven't the slightest
idea, Your Honor.

Me either. Heh.

Although come to think of it,

a lot of things
that bedwarmer did

were pretty quirky.

Quirky?

Yeah. Weird.

It wouldn't let us lift it.

Yeah, only her.

Then she told it to do
what she said, and it did.

It did, huh?

Yes. Hopped right over to us.

Hopped?

Practically did a little jig.

Then when the sergeant
had me put it in the closet...

it tried to bite me.

Oh.

How long has it been since
these men have had a vacation?

Too long.

My apologies to you.

Case is dismissed.

Uh, w-wait.

Uh, Judge Ferguson,

what about my bedwarmer?

Well, I don't know,
Miss Ferndale,

but we certainly have
no case against this man.

Do... D-do you mean to say that

I'm not going to get it back?

That's just terrible.

I demand an investigation.

After all, I'm missing
a bedwarmer.

Now, I want it
back. I understand.

What are you
going to do about it?

- Well, you see, the...
- The evidence went missing...

I'm sorry, Miss Ferndale,

but we have no evidence.

And without evidence,
we cannot prosecute.

And as for the bedwarmer,

I cannot return that which

seemingly never existed.

Now, I don't know what
you mean by "no evidence."

The evidence is the
bedwarmer is missing.

Uh, forgive me. What? Yes?

Forgive me for intruding.

But perhaps the
bedwarmer can be replaced.

Uh... Who are you?

Uh, this is Newton.

He's sort of an
expert on bedwarmers.

Oh. Well... the one we
had was very unique.

Oh, thank you.

I mean, uh, is that true?

Well, just keep
your fingers crossed.

It may show up yet.

And if it doesn't,

I personally guarantee
I will duplicate it.

Duplicate it? How?

By witchcraft, of course.

What?

Uh, Newton.

I don't think it's very nice

to tease someone
who lives in Salem

just because they
once believed in witches.

I'm sorry.

Dear lady... why
don't we have lunch

and discuss the whole matter?

Well, I'd love to.

Sure has a way with
the ladies, doesn't he?

That's for sure.

Anyway... it looks
as if Miss Ferndale

has got herself
another bedwarmer.