Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 7, Episode 12 - Samantha's Magic Potion - full transcript
When a discouraged Darrin asks for a potion to burst his creativity and give him confidence, Samantha slips him a placebo.
[♪]
Morning, sweetheart.
Morning.
How do you feel?
I feel fine.
Have you got a headache
or something?
What makes you think
I have a headache?
Your head looks
like it's aching.
Cute.
But I feel fine.
Well, I, uh,
only asked
because it was after 4
when you got to bed last night.
I stayed up
to work out a new approach
to the campaign
for Harmon Savings and Loan.
And you found it?
I hope so.
I've struck out three times
in a row,
and I don't want
to be a four-time loser.
Well, you're just
in a little slump.
Sam, are you sure your mother
hasn't been fooling around?
Sweetheart,
when Mother fools around,
there is no question about it.
Now, you're just
a little tired and upset.
I'll fix breakfast.
You'll feel better.
I'm not upset and I'm
not tired and I feel fine.
ENDORA:
If he's like this
when he's fine,
however do you endure him
when he's miserable?
Good morning, sweetheart.
Mother.
Good morning, Durwood.
Don't you ever knock?
Oh, sorry.
[KNOCKING SOUND]
Never mind breakfast, Sam.
I just lost my appetite.
My, aren't we touchy
this morning?
Mother, may I ask
a simple question
and get an honest answer?
"Yes" to the first
and "maybe" to the second.
Please, make an all-out effort.
Have you been fooling around
with Darrin?
Great Hector's ghost,
what a revolting thought.
Endora, you have all the charm
of a hooded cobra.
Well, never mind that, Mother.
Just answer the question.
All right.
I have not been meddling
in what's-his-name's work.
Witch's honor.
Thank you, Mother.
There, your worries are over.
ENDORA: That doesn't
mean I won't start.
If my worries are over,
how come my headache
just got worse?
[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]
[♪]
[♪]
Good morning, Darrin.
I hope you feel lucky
this morning.
Larry, I have a feeling, uh,
we shouldn't trust my luck.
It hasn't been too good lately.
Now, there's no reason
for that attitude, Darrin.
I mean, just because you've been
consistently bombing out lately
doesn't mean
it's going to continue.
Why not?
Because if it continues,
you won't.
[LAUGHS]
Mind if I take a look?
Be my guest.
Hm. Hm.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
I like it. It's cute,
but not too cute.
Original, but not
too far-out.
And it gets the message across
without being obvious.
You really like it?
I'm sure I'll think
it's terrific.
When?
When the client loves it.
[PHONE BUZZES]
Yes?
Oh, send him in.
Send him in.
It's Harmon.
Now, pull yourself together.
Let's have
some positive thinking.
Oh-ho, good to see you,
Mr. Harmon.
Come in. Come in.
You remember Darrin Stephens?
Of course I remember Stephens.
How are you,
Mr. Harmon?
It's his last three ideas
I'm trying to forget.
[LAUGHS]
Well, you know how unpredictable
creative people are.
And Stephens is one of
the most creative men we have.
Okay, okay.
Let's see what he's created
this time and let's be quick.
My time is money, you know.
Oh, we know. We know.
Show him what you have, Darrin.
He's got a great idea.
Let me be the judge of that.
Yes, of course.
Now, as you will see, uh,
this idea is adaptable
to all advertising media
and it is aimed
at the smaller investor.
What's that?
I-It's a grasshopper. You see...
Grasshopper?
I have the largest
investment firm in the country
and you give me a grasshopper?
Well, this idea
I-i-is in four parts,
each one dependent on the other.
Now, here you see a, uh,
grasshopper in a business suit
followed by
a hippie caterpillar.
Grasshopper? Caterpillar?
What do you think
I'm advertising,
a pest-control service?
Do you have reservations
about this idea, Mr. Harmon?
Uh, Mr. Harmon
hasn't seen it yet.
What else have you got?
A cockroach, maybe?
No.
A ladybug, carrying her purse
and also about...
Darrin, I don't think
we're reaching Mr. Harmon.
Mr. Harmon,
if you'll just hear me out.
I've heard and seen enough.
It's got the cutes
and it's too far-out.
Interesting. I was making
a similar comment earlier.
If you have nothing better
to offer, I have other business.
Uh, Mr. Harmon,
if you'll just give us
a little more time on this,
I'm sure we can get
the bugs out.
Uh, Mr. Harmon, I'll call you
at your hotel later. Wait...
You and your lousy ideas.
But you said you liked it.
I do. I do,
but the client doesn't.
Which brings me
to an interesting hypothesis.
What's that?
The problem is you.
Admittedly, it's a good idea
but you're projecting
such a lack of confidence
that the client would hate it
even if he loved it.
Larry, believe me,
Mr. Harmon's reaction
has nothing to do
with my lack of confidence.
No? What do you think it is?
Black magic, maybe?
Would you believe me
if I said yes?
Darrin, you're tired.
Why don't you take
a few days off
and we'll discuss it then?
Okay?
[♪]
Sam?
Sam?
Oh, hi, sweetheart.
What are you doing home
so early?
Ask your mother.
Uh-oh.
That's right.
Your mother's struck again.
I had a perfectly good idea.
Larry loved it.
And then I barely got started
when, zap, for no reason,
the client hated it.
Your mother is worse
than Typhoid Mary.
Okay, careful, sweetheart.
Careful, my foot.
Did you hear that, Mary?
I did. And I'm sure they
also heard it six blocks away.
Good.
Endora, I'm telling you
for the last time,
keep your hocus-pocus
out of my life.
Typical mortal behavior,
looking for a scapegoat
to blame for their own failures.
Uh, Mother, did you put
a spell on Darrin?
There's nothing
I could do to Durwood
that wouldn't be an improvement.
So it's perfectly obvious
I didn't do anything.
But you're tempting me.
Well, n-never mind.
But... But I...
I would appreciate it
if you'd leave us alone
for a while.
Like forever.
Darrin.
[HISSES]
So long, Mary.
ENDORA:
I've not only lost a daughter,
I've gained a bullhorn.
You...
Oh... Uh... Now... Now,
sweetheart, uh, relax.
It... It really isn't fair
to blame Mother.
Uh, somebody
has been horsing around.
But it could be Serena
or Uncle Arthur or Daddy...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.
Any one of a cast of thousands.
Okay. So the only way
to solve this
is to find out
what the spell is,
where it came from
and then deal with it.
Well, how do we do that?
I'll get Dr. Bombay
and he can give you a test
to find out what kind
of a spell you're under.
That's a big help.
Calling in one fraud
to substantiate another.
Darrin, look at it this way:
It's the only game in town.
Okay. Okay.
Calling all stations
From Hong Kong to Pompeii.
Come in if you read me
Dr. Bombay.
BOMBAY:
Dr. Bombay, here.
Never mind your pills
Forget your thermometer.
Come on the run
With your trusty hexometer.
His trusty what?
His hexom...
Hexometer.
I invented
this remarkable machine
to detect the presence
of witchcraft
on or about a person.
No home should be without it.
Nothing.
[BOMBAY LAUGHS]
And I don't appreciate
this emergency call.
I was about to tackle my nurse.
Tackle your nurse?
Naturally. You don't think
we'd play touch, do you?
That would be indecent.
Dr. Bombay, uh,
could you just tell us
about the witchcraft?
Very well. First of all,
I must hook him up
to the machine.
Sam, this isn't going
to prove anything
except what an idiot I am
for submitting to it.
Not your arm, my boy, your head.
Now, stand still, sweetheart.
It won't hurt.
[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]
What's happening?
All your hot air
is rising to the surface.
Mm-hm. It's clean.
Absolutely no exhaust emission,
as you can see.
My boy, you're loaded
with witchcraft.
But you said it was clean.
Perfectly.
Witchcraft exhaust is clean.
Mortal exhaust is dirty.
Terrific.
Dr. Bombay, uh,
could you tell us
who put the spell on Darrin?
Of course, my dear.
In a few moments,
the perpetrator
of this ghastly crime
will appear on my oscillator.
That's peculiar.
The metaphysical
atmospheric continuum
is strangely scrambled.
So I'm afraid
I can't tell you who, uh...
Who cast this spell.
B-But, doctor...
Precisely, "doctor."
I am not a mystic.
Call me if he gets violent.
And now I have to get back
to my nurse.
I think the next play
called for a pass.
Get it? "Nurse"? "Pass"?
[LAUGHS]
Nothing.
He's gone, sweetheart.
That's the problem.
How can I be sure?
Now, don't you worry.
I'll get to the bottom of this.
In the meantime, I think you
ought to have a little drink
and relax.
I think I'll have a lot
of big drinks and collapse.
Darrin, you'll be late
for the office.
I'm not going
to the office today, Sam.
You better call Larry.
What will I tell him?
Tell him I've retired.
If that's a joke,
I don't get it.
Sam...
I have an announcement to make:
I give up.
I am tired of bucking all
this witchcraft.
No matter how hard I try,
someone in your family
fouls things up.
Darrin, what would you say
if I told you
that I contacted all my
relatives and they're innocent?
I got a witch's honor
from all of them.
And Dr. Bombay confessed that
his hexometer is out of whack.
I would say that we already
know Bombay is a quack
and the credibility gap between
honor and your relatives
could be measured
in light-years.
Darrin, you're overreacting.
What's wrong with retiring?
You can zap us up
a... A castle in Spain,
a... A villa in Rome, a chateau
in the south of France.
Uh... Oh, we'll need a yacht.
Uh, nothing flashy, not too big.
Uh, somewhere between the, uh,
Queen Mary
and the Enterprise.
This is crazy.
You can't give up your career.
We are my career from now on,
you and me.
We'll spend all our time
doing the things
we wouldn't normally be able
to do for 20 years, if ever.
Well, sweetheart, I... I don't
blame you for being upset.
After what you've been through,
you had a perfect right to...
Don't try to spare my feelings.
If there's one thing
I can't stand,
it's someone
feeling sorry for me.
Especially when you're doing
such a good job of it yourself.
You'll get used to it.
And zap up some breakfast.
I'm starving.
[♪]
Sweetheart?
Where's my breakfast?
Well, your breakfast
can wait a minute.
What I have to say
is more important.
Sam, I don't care
to hear any more arguments.
I give in.
From now on, I'm retired.
We live by witchcraft.
No arguments.
I agree with you completely.
Almost.
Almost?
Except for one thing.
Except for the witchcraft.
Mm-mm.
Except for the retirement.
Now, come on, Sam.
I... I said no more arguments.
Who's arguing?
I'm agreeing with you,
but I think
you should continue working.
With your know-how
and my witchcraft
there is no end
to the heights you could reach.
Before you know it,
Stephens & Tate
will be the largest
advertising agency in the world.
Maybe the only one.
Why go to all that trouble?
Oh, come on.
Try it just for today.
See what fun it is.
Uh, l-like, I could whip up
a little witchcraft
and you could take
that same concept back to Harmon
and he'd buy it just like that.
Yeah?
Yeah, it would be fun
to see the look on Larry's face.
You do have a lot of faith in
that savings-and-loan concept,
don't you?
Absolutely.
Okay.
[♪]
Now, all you have to do...
is drink this.
Then you...
You say the following:
Pinchly, finchly Potsy, rex.
Quiddily quaddily
Beware this hex.
And then?
There's a moment of discomfort.
What's that?
You turn purple.
Oh, well,
it only lasts a second.
And then?
You become master
of any situation.
Well, okay.
Chow.
Tastes like orange juice.
Comes in all flavors.
Yeah?
And now what do I say?
Oh, um,
Pinchly, finchly Potsy, rex.
Quiddily quaddily
Beware this hex.
Pinchly, finchly...
Potsy.
Potsy, rex.
Quiddily quaddily
Beware this hex.
Oh, I... I forgot. You have
to turn around three times.
Oh.
One.
Two.
Three.
It's working.
Well, what'd you expect?
I'm a witch.
There. You're all set.
[SIGHS]
I don't know
what's the matter with me.
I should have swung with this
a long time ago.
Well, I'm on my way.
Wish me luck, Sam.
Luck has nothing
to do with it anymore.
It's a sure thing.
You're right.
This is going to be fun.
Mwah.
[CHUCKLES]
Ooh.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Come in.
Darrin, what are you doing here?
I thought I told you to rest up
for a few days.
I'm all rested and ready
to tackle Harmon again.
I am sure I can sell him
this presentation now.
The same presentation?
That's right.
Go home.
You need more rest.
Larry, in your mind
the Harmon account
is down the drain, right?
Right.
Then what have we got to lose?
But the same presentation?
Harmon hated it.
Harmon didn't even hear it.
But today he'll listen.
What makes you think so?
Well, I...
I wasn't myself yesterday.
But things are different now.
Things are different?
Well, just take my word for it.
Make another date with Harmon
and he's in the bag.
I'll be waiting in my office.
Bugs? Again?
What's he got, a fetish?
Mr. Harmon, you're considering
hiring this agency
to handle your advertising
because we're specialists
in the field.
So just sit there and listen
to what this specialist
has to say.
I think I'm listening
to a first-class fruitcake.
Darrin, I don't think
we should waste any more
of Mr. Harmon's valuable time.
Larry, you may stay and listen
only if you promise
not to interrupt again.
Now just a mo...
Ah...
Please, sit down.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm warning both of you
that these interruptions
are beginning
to make me very impatient.
Stephens has been sick.
Very unusual virus.
Oh, really?
Must have picked up
some kind of bug.
Virus.
Now, the, uh, grasshopper,
the caterpillar and the ladybug
represent the smaller
investors marching
into Harmon Savings and Loan.
Please, Stephens,
I don't think
of my investors as bugs.
Darrin, I don't think that...
Mr. Tate,
will you please be quiet?
[CHUCKLES]
Now, these small investors...
Please, Stephens, they're bugs.
Bugs are bugs.
That is the last interruption
I will tolerate.
Now, just sit there and listen
and in a moment,
something will hit you
and you'll love it.
To repeat...
they represent
the smaller investors marching
into Harmon Savings and Loan.
And the slogan
for this campaign will be:
"At Harmon Savings and Loan,
"there are no small investors.
They're as big as you are,
whoever you are."
Are you finished?
Yes.
All right, then.
Let's break up
this meeting, Darrin,
so you can get home
and start a year's sick leave.
Please, Mr. Stephens,
may I say something now?
Of course.
"At Harmon Savings and Loan,
"there are no small investors.
They're as big as you are,
whoever you are."
It rings a bell. I like it.
Darrin, get the phone.
Phone?
[LAUGHS]
It must have been.
I heard that bell ringing too.
It's an inspiration, my boy.
Stephens...
I've never seen an idea
presented with more confidence.
I'm impressed.
It's your kind of enthusiasm
that makes ours a great country.
Mr. Harmon, this is going
to be great for you.
The grasshopper,
the caterpillar and the ladybug
represent the little people.
You see...
I get it, Tate.
You don't have
to explain it to me.
Besides,
at Harmon Savings and Loan,
there are no little people.
They're as big as you are,
whoever you are.
Right, Stephens?
Right, Harmon.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Let's see
those little fellows again.
Yeah.
Ah!
[LAUGHS]
[♪]
Hi, sweetheart.
How'd it go?
Oh, it went great.
I mean, why shouldn't it?
It was a foregone conclusion.
Well, that calls
for a celebration.
Why is it I don't feel
like celebrating?
I don't know. Why is it?
All the way home I was asking
myself the same question.
I mean,
I'm not sure I like not having
to worry about anything.
It isn't much fun knowing
how everything
is going to turn out, is it?
Well, there is something
to be said
for worrying about where
your next meal is coming from.
Gives you a chance
to work up an appetite.
[GIGGLES]
Sam, could you kind
of back up time, like,
to before we made
this witchcraft deal today?
I'd like to reconsider.
I, um... It isn't necessary.
Oh, yes, it is, because...
What do you mean,
it isn't necessary?
Uh... Well,
the way you're feeling now,
I guess you won't mind.
I hope you won't mind.
Are you gonna mind?
Come on. Come on.
Out with it.
O-o-okay.
Witchcraft had nothing to do
with what happened
in your meeting this afternoon.
Are you trying
to tell me that...?
That that purple routine
was just...?
Was just a way of helping
you regain your confidence.
You didn't believe me
this morning when I told you
there wasn't a spell on you,
but it was true.
Wait a minute.
That means I was
in an ordinary slump,
and I did use witchcraft
as an excuse.
It takes you a while, Dobbin,
but you finally
have the picture.
And I went
to that meeting thinking...
Sam, that was a terrible chance
to take.
I wasn't taking any chances.
You told me your idea
was a good one.
Just because
the client is difficult
to convince doesn't mean
the idea will fail.
You said that yourself.
Yeah.
I did say that, didn't I?
On the other hand,
it probably will.
Stop paying attention to her
and start paying attention
to me.
[GIGGLES]
[♪]
[♪]
Morning, sweetheart.
Morning.
How do you feel?
I feel fine.
Have you got a headache
or something?
What makes you think
I have a headache?
Your head looks
like it's aching.
Cute.
But I feel fine.
Well, I, uh,
only asked
because it was after 4
when you got to bed last night.
I stayed up
to work out a new approach
to the campaign
for Harmon Savings and Loan.
And you found it?
I hope so.
I've struck out three times
in a row,
and I don't want
to be a four-time loser.
Well, you're just
in a little slump.
Sam, are you sure your mother
hasn't been fooling around?
Sweetheart,
when Mother fools around,
there is no question about it.
Now, you're just
a little tired and upset.
I'll fix breakfast.
You'll feel better.
I'm not upset and I'm
not tired and I feel fine.
ENDORA:
If he's like this
when he's fine,
however do you endure him
when he's miserable?
Good morning, sweetheart.
Mother.
Good morning, Durwood.
Don't you ever knock?
Oh, sorry.
[KNOCKING SOUND]
Never mind breakfast, Sam.
I just lost my appetite.
My, aren't we touchy
this morning?
Mother, may I ask
a simple question
and get an honest answer?
"Yes" to the first
and "maybe" to the second.
Please, make an all-out effort.
Have you been fooling around
with Darrin?
Great Hector's ghost,
what a revolting thought.
Endora, you have all the charm
of a hooded cobra.
Well, never mind that, Mother.
Just answer the question.
All right.
I have not been meddling
in what's-his-name's work.
Witch's honor.
Thank you, Mother.
There, your worries are over.
ENDORA: That doesn't
mean I won't start.
If my worries are over,
how come my headache
just got worse?
[NARRATOR READING
ON-SCREEN TEXT]
[♪]
[♪]
Good morning, Darrin.
I hope you feel lucky
this morning.
Larry, I have a feeling, uh,
we shouldn't trust my luck.
It hasn't been too good lately.
Now, there's no reason
for that attitude, Darrin.
I mean, just because you've been
consistently bombing out lately
doesn't mean
it's going to continue.
Why not?
Because if it continues,
you won't.
[LAUGHS]
Mind if I take a look?
Be my guest.
Hm. Hm.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
I like it. It's cute,
but not too cute.
Original, but not
too far-out.
And it gets the message across
without being obvious.
You really like it?
I'm sure I'll think
it's terrific.
When?
When the client loves it.
[PHONE BUZZES]
Yes?
Oh, send him in.
Send him in.
It's Harmon.
Now, pull yourself together.
Let's have
some positive thinking.
Oh-ho, good to see you,
Mr. Harmon.
Come in. Come in.
You remember Darrin Stephens?
Of course I remember Stephens.
How are you,
Mr. Harmon?
It's his last three ideas
I'm trying to forget.
[LAUGHS]
Well, you know how unpredictable
creative people are.
And Stephens is one of
the most creative men we have.
Okay, okay.
Let's see what he's created
this time and let's be quick.
My time is money, you know.
Oh, we know. We know.
Show him what you have, Darrin.
He's got a great idea.
Let me be the judge of that.
Yes, of course.
Now, as you will see, uh,
this idea is adaptable
to all advertising media
and it is aimed
at the smaller investor.
What's that?
I-It's a grasshopper. You see...
Grasshopper?
I have the largest
investment firm in the country
and you give me a grasshopper?
Well, this idea
I-i-is in four parts,
each one dependent on the other.
Now, here you see a, uh,
grasshopper in a business suit
followed by
a hippie caterpillar.
Grasshopper? Caterpillar?
What do you think
I'm advertising,
a pest-control service?
Do you have reservations
about this idea, Mr. Harmon?
Uh, Mr. Harmon
hasn't seen it yet.
What else have you got?
A cockroach, maybe?
No.
A ladybug, carrying her purse
and also about...
Darrin, I don't think
we're reaching Mr. Harmon.
Mr. Harmon,
if you'll just hear me out.
I've heard and seen enough.
It's got the cutes
and it's too far-out.
Interesting. I was making
a similar comment earlier.
If you have nothing better
to offer, I have other business.
Uh, Mr. Harmon,
if you'll just give us
a little more time on this,
I'm sure we can get
the bugs out.
Uh, Mr. Harmon, I'll call you
at your hotel later. Wait...
You and your lousy ideas.
But you said you liked it.
I do. I do,
but the client doesn't.
Which brings me
to an interesting hypothesis.
What's that?
The problem is you.
Admittedly, it's a good idea
but you're projecting
such a lack of confidence
that the client would hate it
even if he loved it.
Larry, believe me,
Mr. Harmon's reaction
has nothing to do
with my lack of confidence.
No? What do you think it is?
Black magic, maybe?
Would you believe me
if I said yes?
Darrin, you're tired.
Why don't you take
a few days off
and we'll discuss it then?
Okay?
[♪]
Sam?
Sam?
Oh, hi, sweetheart.
What are you doing home
so early?
Ask your mother.
Uh-oh.
That's right.
Your mother's struck again.
I had a perfectly good idea.
Larry loved it.
And then I barely got started
when, zap, for no reason,
the client hated it.
Your mother is worse
than Typhoid Mary.
Okay, careful, sweetheart.
Careful, my foot.
Did you hear that, Mary?
I did. And I'm sure they
also heard it six blocks away.
Good.
Endora, I'm telling you
for the last time,
keep your hocus-pocus
out of my life.
Typical mortal behavior,
looking for a scapegoat
to blame for their own failures.
Uh, Mother, did you put
a spell on Darrin?
There's nothing
I could do to Durwood
that wouldn't be an improvement.
So it's perfectly obvious
I didn't do anything.
But you're tempting me.
Well, n-never mind.
But... But I...
I would appreciate it
if you'd leave us alone
for a while.
Like forever.
Darrin.
[HISSES]
So long, Mary.
ENDORA:
I've not only lost a daughter,
I've gained a bullhorn.
You...
Oh... Uh... Now... Now,
sweetheart, uh, relax.
It... It really isn't fair
to blame Mother.
Uh, somebody
has been horsing around.
But it could be Serena
or Uncle Arthur or Daddy...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.
Any one of a cast of thousands.
Okay. So the only way
to solve this
is to find out
what the spell is,
where it came from
and then deal with it.
Well, how do we do that?
I'll get Dr. Bombay
and he can give you a test
to find out what kind
of a spell you're under.
That's a big help.
Calling in one fraud
to substantiate another.
Darrin, look at it this way:
It's the only game in town.
Okay. Okay.
Calling all stations
From Hong Kong to Pompeii.
Come in if you read me
Dr. Bombay.
BOMBAY:
Dr. Bombay, here.
Never mind your pills
Forget your thermometer.
Come on the run
With your trusty hexometer.
His trusty what?
His hexom...
Hexometer.
I invented
this remarkable machine
to detect the presence
of witchcraft
on or about a person.
No home should be without it.
Nothing.
[BOMBAY LAUGHS]
And I don't appreciate
this emergency call.
I was about to tackle my nurse.
Tackle your nurse?
Naturally. You don't think
we'd play touch, do you?
That would be indecent.
Dr. Bombay, uh,
could you just tell us
about the witchcraft?
Very well. First of all,
I must hook him up
to the machine.
Sam, this isn't going
to prove anything
except what an idiot I am
for submitting to it.
Not your arm, my boy, your head.
Now, stand still, sweetheart.
It won't hurt.
[ELECTRONIC BEEPING]
What's happening?
All your hot air
is rising to the surface.
Mm-hm. It's clean.
Absolutely no exhaust emission,
as you can see.
My boy, you're loaded
with witchcraft.
But you said it was clean.
Perfectly.
Witchcraft exhaust is clean.
Mortal exhaust is dirty.
Terrific.
Dr. Bombay, uh,
could you tell us
who put the spell on Darrin?
Of course, my dear.
In a few moments,
the perpetrator
of this ghastly crime
will appear on my oscillator.
That's peculiar.
The metaphysical
atmospheric continuum
is strangely scrambled.
So I'm afraid
I can't tell you who, uh...
Who cast this spell.
B-But, doctor...
Precisely, "doctor."
I am not a mystic.
Call me if he gets violent.
And now I have to get back
to my nurse.
I think the next play
called for a pass.
Get it? "Nurse"? "Pass"?
[LAUGHS]
Nothing.
He's gone, sweetheart.
That's the problem.
How can I be sure?
Now, don't you worry.
I'll get to the bottom of this.
In the meantime, I think you
ought to have a little drink
and relax.
I think I'll have a lot
of big drinks and collapse.
Darrin, you'll be late
for the office.
I'm not going
to the office today, Sam.
You better call Larry.
What will I tell him?
Tell him I've retired.
If that's a joke,
I don't get it.
Sam...
I have an announcement to make:
I give up.
I am tired of bucking all
this witchcraft.
No matter how hard I try,
someone in your family
fouls things up.
Darrin, what would you say
if I told you
that I contacted all my
relatives and they're innocent?
I got a witch's honor
from all of them.
And Dr. Bombay confessed that
his hexometer is out of whack.
I would say that we already
know Bombay is a quack
and the credibility gap between
honor and your relatives
could be measured
in light-years.
Darrin, you're overreacting.
What's wrong with retiring?
You can zap us up
a... A castle in Spain,
a... A villa in Rome, a chateau
in the south of France.
Uh... Oh, we'll need a yacht.
Uh, nothing flashy, not too big.
Uh, somewhere between the, uh,
Queen Mary
and the Enterprise.
This is crazy.
You can't give up your career.
We are my career from now on,
you and me.
We'll spend all our time
doing the things
we wouldn't normally be able
to do for 20 years, if ever.
Well, sweetheart, I... I don't
blame you for being upset.
After what you've been through,
you had a perfect right to...
Don't try to spare my feelings.
If there's one thing
I can't stand,
it's someone
feeling sorry for me.
Especially when you're doing
such a good job of it yourself.
You'll get used to it.
And zap up some breakfast.
I'm starving.
[♪]
Sweetheart?
Where's my breakfast?
Well, your breakfast
can wait a minute.
What I have to say
is more important.
Sam, I don't care
to hear any more arguments.
I give in.
From now on, I'm retired.
We live by witchcraft.
No arguments.
I agree with you completely.
Almost.
Almost?
Except for one thing.
Except for the witchcraft.
Mm-mm.
Except for the retirement.
Now, come on, Sam.
I... I said no more arguments.
Who's arguing?
I'm agreeing with you,
but I think
you should continue working.
With your know-how
and my witchcraft
there is no end
to the heights you could reach.
Before you know it,
Stephens & Tate
will be the largest
advertising agency in the world.
Maybe the only one.
Why go to all that trouble?
Oh, come on.
Try it just for today.
See what fun it is.
Uh, l-like, I could whip up
a little witchcraft
and you could take
that same concept back to Harmon
and he'd buy it just like that.
Yeah?
Yeah, it would be fun
to see the look on Larry's face.
You do have a lot of faith in
that savings-and-loan concept,
don't you?
Absolutely.
Okay.
[♪]
Now, all you have to do...
is drink this.
Then you...
You say the following:
Pinchly, finchly Potsy, rex.
Quiddily quaddily
Beware this hex.
And then?
There's a moment of discomfort.
What's that?
You turn purple.
Oh, well,
it only lasts a second.
And then?
You become master
of any situation.
Well, okay.
Chow.
Tastes like orange juice.
Comes in all flavors.
Yeah?
And now what do I say?
Oh, um,
Pinchly, finchly Potsy, rex.
Quiddily quaddily
Beware this hex.
Pinchly, finchly...
Potsy.
Potsy, rex.
Quiddily quaddily
Beware this hex.
Oh, I... I forgot. You have
to turn around three times.
Oh.
One.
Two.
Three.
It's working.
Well, what'd you expect?
I'm a witch.
There. You're all set.
[SIGHS]
I don't know
what's the matter with me.
I should have swung with this
a long time ago.
Well, I'm on my way.
Wish me luck, Sam.
Luck has nothing
to do with it anymore.
It's a sure thing.
You're right.
This is going to be fun.
Mwah.
[CHUCKLES]
Ooh.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Come in.
Darrin, what are you doing here?
I thought I told you to rest up
for a few days.
I'm all rested and ready
to tackle Harmon again.
I am sure I can sell him
this presentation now.
The same presentation?
That's right.
Go home.
You need more rest.
Larry, in your mind
the Harmon account
is down the drain, right?
Right.
Then what have we got to lose?
But the same presentation?
Harmon hated it.
Harmon didn't even hear it.
But today he'll listen.
What makes you think so?
Well, I...
I wasn't myself yesterday.
But things are different now.
Things are different?
Well, just take my word for it.
Make another date with Harmon
and he's in the bag.
I'll be waiting in my office.
Bugs? Again?
What's he got, a fetish?
Mr. Harmon, you're considering
hiring this agency
to handle your advertising
because we're specialists
in the field.
So just sit there and listen
to what this specialist
has to say.
I think I'm listening
to a first-class fruitcake.
Darrin, I don't think
we should waste any more
of Mr. Harmon's valuable time.
Larry, you may stay and listen
only if you promise
not to interrupt again.
Now just a mo...
Ah...
Please, sit down.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm warning both of you
that these interruptions
are beginning
to make me very impatient.
Stephens has been sick.
Very unusual virus.
Oh, really?
Must have picked up
some kind of bug.
Virus.
Now, the, uh, grasshopper,
the caterpillar and the ladybug
represent the smaller
investors marching
into Harmon Savings and Loan.
Please, Stephens,
I don't think
of my investors as bugs.
Darrin, I don't think that...
Mr. Tate,
will you please be quiet?
[CHUCKLES]
Now, these small investors...
Please, Stephens, they're bugs.
Bugs are bugs.
That is the last interruption
I will tolerate.
Now, just sit there and listen
and in a moment,
something will hit you
and you'll love it.
To repeat...
they represent
the smaller investors marching
into Harmon Savings and Loan.
And the slogan
for this campaign will be:
"At Harmon Savings and Loan,
"there are no small investors.
They're as big as you are,
whoever you are."
Are you finished?
Yes.
All right, then.
Let's break up
this meeting, Darrin,
so you can get home
and start a year's sick leave.
Please, Mr. Stephens,
may I say something now?
Of course.
"At Harmon Savings and Loan,
"there are no small investors.
They're as big as you are,
whoever you are."
It rings a bell. I like it.
Darrin, get the phone.
Phone?
[LAUGHS]
It must have been.
I heard that bell ringing too.
It's an inspiration, my boy.
Stephens...
I've never seen an idea
presented with more confidence.
I'm impressed.
It's your kind of enthusiasm
that makes ours a great country.
Mr. Harmon, this is going
to be great for you.
The grasshopper,
the caterpillar and the ladybug
represent the little people.
You see...
I get it, Tate.
You don't have
to explain it to me.
Besides,
at Harmon Savings and Loan,
there are no little people.
They're as big as you are,
whoever you are.
Right, Stephens?
Right, Harmon.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Let's see
those little fellows again.
Yeah.
Ah!
[LAUGHS]
[♪]
Hi, sweetheart.
How'd it go?
Oh, it went great.
I mean, why shouldn't it?
It was a foregone conclusion.
Well, that calls
for a celebration.
Why is it I don't feel
like celebrating?
I don't know. Why is it?
All the way home I was asking
myself the same question.
I mean,
I'm not sure I like not having
to worry about anything.
It isn't much fun knowing
how everything
is going to turn out, is it?
Well, there is something
to be said
for worrying about where
your next meal is coming from.
Gives you a chance
to work up an appetite.
[GIGGLES]
Sam, could you kind
of back up time, like,
to before we made
this witchcraft deal today?
I'd like to reconsider.
I, um... It isn't necessary.
Oh, yes, it is, because...
What do you mean,
it isn't necessary?
Uh... Well,
the way you're feeling now,
I guess you won't mind.
I hope you won't mind.
Are you gonna mind?
Come on. Come on.
Out with it.
O-o-okay.
Witchcraft had nothing to do
with what happened
in your meeting this afternoon.
Are you trying
to tell me that...?
That that purple routine
was just...?
Was just a way of helping
you regain your confidence.
You didn't believe me
this morning when I told you
there wasn't a spell on you,
but it was true.
Wait a minute.
That means I was
in an ordinary slump,
and I did use witchcraft
as an excuse.
It takes you a while, Dobbin,
but you finally
have the picture.
And I went
to that meeting thinking...
Sam, that was a terrible chance
to take.
I wasn't taking any chances.
You told me your idea
was a good one.
Just because
the client is difficult
to convince doesn't mean
the idea will fail.
You said that yourself.
Yeah.
I did say that, didn't I?
On the other hand,
it probably will.
Stop paying attention to her
and start paying attention
to me.
[GIGGLES]
[♪]
[♪]