Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 6, Episode 4 - Samantha's Curious Cravings - full transcript

- Okay, I've got it all worked out.
- What's that?

The alternate plan in case I'm not here
when it's time to go to the hospital.

What's wrong with calling a cab?

It's too unreliable.
They might not have one available,

or the driver might have a hard time
finding the address, or who knows what?

Now, the first one you call
is Mr Lutkins next door,

cause he's almost always home
now that his wife is visiting her mother.

If by some chance he's not there,

you're to call Mrs Grand down the block,
but you let the phone ring for a while,

because she spends
a lot of time out in the rose garden.

Now if she's out,
you try the Henrys, then the Goodalls,



the Harpers and the Cushmans.

By the time I make all those calls,
it may be too late to get to the hospital.

Never mind. Just keep this list handy.

Any more of that chocolate cake left?

Sorry, sweetheart.
We finished the last of it at dinner.

I could eat another piece myself.

Honey, when you go to the doctor tomorrow
for your checkup...

I thought you said
there was no more chocolate cake.

- There wasn't.
- Well, what's that? Chopped liver?

Darrin, I don't know where it came from.

You don't? How about...

Absolutely not.

- If I had, I would've zapped it ? la mode.
- Then where did it come from?

I don't know.
Maybe Mother sent it to me as a gift.



- You want half?
- I wouldn't dream of it.

After all, you're eating for two.

I'll just take a third.

Well, that's good.
You put on a little more weight.

I'll be losing some in a little while.

About seven or eight pounds,
wouldn't you say?

Incidentally, I'm out of my pills.

It's a little late to start
worrying about that, isn't it?

- Iron pills.
- Sorry.

I'll give you another prescription.

Darrin made arrangements
with the neighbours

to drive me to the hospital
in case he wasn't home.

He'll be home.

None of my babies is ever born until after
I've gone to bed, usually around 3:00 a.m.

- By the way, what are you hoping for?
- A honeydew melon.

Odd. Most people want a boy or a girl.

I'm sorry.
I just can't seem to keep my mind off food.

I get these terrible cravings.

Well, it is a little unusual this late,
but it's probably psychological,

because you didn't gain
as much weight as we expected.

I guess so.

Well, it's nothing to worry about.

I had one patient who was
on her way to the hospital,

and she stopped off to buy a bag of apples.

I've been thinking about apples, too.

But candied ones.

Had it in my purse.

- Care for a bite?
- No, thank you.

With my wife it was chop suey.
She couldn't get enough of it.

Chop suey. Say, that sounds good.

Let me have that prescription back,
will you, Samantha?

I'd like to increase the dosage.

- Prescription?
- Yeah.

What have you got in that purse?

Just a little snack for emergencies.

Well,

if your druggist can't read it,
he can always eat it.

- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi, honey.

- How'd it go at the doctor's?
- Fine. Just fine.

He said it could be any day now.

I have another neighbour to add to
that list. I'll just write it down.

You have enough names on that list now
to fill Madison Square Garden.

I'm just being cautious.

- What's in here?
- Just a little leftover chop suey.

Don't they put it in cartons any more?

Darrin, I might as well tell you.

Ever since yesterday,
when I get a craving for food,

- I get it.
- So what?

This is certainly the time
when you should indulge yourself.

No. No, no, sweetheart.
You don't understand.

I mean, when I get a craving,
I don't go to it, it comes to me.

Well, Sam, this is terrible.
We've got to do something.

That's the first sensible thing
you've ever said.

I wish you wouldn't do that.

- When did these cravings start, Samantha?
- Yesterday.

- Sam, what are you gonna do?
- Well, let's look at the bright side.

If I suddenly get a craving for something
in the middle of the night,

you don't have to go out and get it for me.

- This is nothing to kid about.
- What we have to do is get Dr Bombay.

Well, hurry, please,
because Larry's coming over.

We're gonna work on the Paxton account.

While you're waiting for Bombay,
maybe it might be a good idea

if you went upstairs
and took a nap or something.

- I'm not sleepy.
- Now, Sam, what are we gonna say

if Larry's here
and you suddenly get a yen for,

I don't know, shish kebab?

I haven't had shish kebab in ages.

Sam! There's only one thing to do.

- Call the fire department?
- Will you cut it out?

How do you know
this isn't something serious?

That's Larry. Get rid of that.

- How can I get rid of it?
- Try eating it.

- Hello, Larry.
- Hi, Darrin.

- Samantha. Endora.
- Larry.

- Mr Tate.
- How nice to see you.

- Thank you.
- Sam, you look positively radiant.

Thank you, Larry.

And that shish kebab
doesn't look bad either.

Well, I suddenly got this craving
for shish kebab,

and Darrin was sweet enough
to get it for me.

With Louise it was pizza.

With me it was hummingbird wings.

- I think I'll go upstairs and take a nap.
- Good idea!

You want to be looking your best
for this afternoon.

Larry, about that cocktail party,
I don't know whether we can make it.

What are you talking about?

You know the only reason
I'm having the cocktail party

is so we can pitch our ideas at Paxton.

- You remember him, don't you, Sam?
- How could I forget him?

We have enough of his detergent
in our kitchen to start our own business.

Well, you made a big hit with him.

Larry, I know how badly
you want his account,

and I'll be there,
but I'm not sure whether Sam can make it.

Darrin, I don't want to hurt your feelings,

but if only one of you can make it,
I'd rather have Sam.

I always said
you were a man of taste and judgement.

Thank you.

Well, we'd better get cracking
on that presentation.

Yes. I've got the stuff in the den.

Will you get a hold of that quack Bombay?

I'll have you know,
he's our most prominent witch doctor.

- Do you have to call him that?
- Yes.

Darrin.

So where is he?

Well, Mother's been trying
to get in touch with him all day.

She says he's climbing the Matterhorn.

We should've left for
Larry's 10 minutes ago.

Maybe we should just call Larry
and tell him you're not feeling up to it.

Honey, why don't we take our chances?
I'll try not to think about food.

Well, what are we gonna say
if food starts popping in from nowhere?

- I mean, how can we explain it?
- Chicken Delight?

You know, that Dr Bombay
has no sense of responsibility.

I mean, if he's going away, why doesn't he
leave another doctor on call?

Because, you silly boy,
I happen to be irreplaceable.

Well, it's about time.

Hope you realise the sacrifice I made
by coming here.

I was about to plunge my pennant
in the peak.

Well, what's the trouble?

Dr Bombay, you see,
I get these cravings for food and...

- What could be more normal? Look at you.
- Would you let her finish?

When she has these cravings,
the food comes to her.

Well, what's the problem?
Sounds rather convenient to me.

Well, it can be rather awkward, Dr Bombay.

I mean, if it happens in front of mortals,
what will they say?

Nothing, if you turn them into monkeys.

Well, can you do anything about it or not?

I'll have to examine her first.
Sit down, my dear.

There we are. Let's see. Pardon me.

- What are you going to do?
- Check her blood pressure, of course.

Yeah. Yes. That's normal.

Just take your pulse. Right shoe off.

Yes. Well, perfectly obvious to me.

- What is it?
- You're pregnant.

Pregnant?
The gardener could've told us that.

You didn't tell me
you had another man on the case.

Dr Bombay, please be serious.

We're late
for a very important cocktail party.

- Is there a cure?
- Of course.

- What's that for?
- Nothing, but I love the sound.

- Sam, this is ridiculous.
- Also extremely painful.

Dr Bombay, please?

Very well. But I should think,
considering how far I've come,

you wouldn't begrudge me a little levity.

Give her the cure
and then you can laugh yourself sick.

Look close.

That's all?

Well, I could've worn a black hood
and used a steaming cauldron,

but you said you were in a hurry.

Don't you think we should test it?
I mean, to make sure it works?

Bombay never bombs out.

Just the same. Sweetheart,
what do you feel like eating right now?

Well, I could go for a
corned beef sandwich.

Thank you, Dr Bombay.
I'm sorry if I was a little huffy.

Come on, sweetheart. Get your mother
to babysit, and then we can go.

Just one moment. What about my fee?

- Well, what do you want?
- I want your soul.

What?

He's rather a square, isn't he?

Well, ta-ta.

Sam, when Dr Anton
takes your blood pressure,

- how does he do it?
- The normal way.

- Then why doesn't Bombay do it that way?
- Sweetheart, he just likes to be showy.

I'll admit he's a little bit difficult,
but he's the only witch doctor we have.

I'm kind of sorry he cured me, though. I
really could go for a corned beef sandwich.

Sam? Sam!

Corned beef sandwich, please.
Make it lean with lots of mustard.

Just put it on our account.

Hello. Sam? Where are you?

You're not going to believe this.

- Are you all right?
- Yes.

What's that Bombay done to you?

Wait. Now if you just give me a chance,
I'll explain.

Yeah, it... Thank you.

Apparently he did reverse the spell,

but instead of the food coming to me,
I go to the food.

- Where are you?
- In a delicatessen.

Terrific.
Now will you please get right back here?

Yes, sweetheart.
As soon as I finish my sandwich.

Bye.

May I have a pickle, please?

- Hello, sweetheart. Are you all right?
- Just fine. Fine.

I called Larry
and told him we wouldn't be there.

- How'd he take it?
- With his usual good grace.

He said if you couldn't come
to the cocktail party,

you'd better be having the baby.

Well, I hope you told him that...

Well, that's not exactly what he said,
but to calm him down, I sort of...

Well, I implied
that maybe we were going to the hospital.

Darrin Stephens, you're worse than Larry.

Samantha, you've finally seen the light.

- Will you bring Bombay back?
- I heard. I heard.

That silly old goose reversed the spell.

Darrin.

- Maybe you weren't lying.
- About what?

- About going to the hospital.
- Samantha.

You mean, this is really...
This is the time? I'll get your bag!

- Mother, will you call Dr Anton?
- Yes.

His number's on that book
on the television set.

- Yes.
- And get in touch with Dr Bombay.

- Yes.
- Don't you worry, sweetheart.

I'll get you to the hospital.
You just relax.

I forgot the keys to the car.

Darrin!

- What?
- You forgot me.

Right. Right!

- Darrin, you don't have to go so fast.
- If you don't mind, I'm not a cabdriver,

and I'm not very good at delivering babies,
so hold tight.

- I told you, you shouldn't go so fast.
- I know.

Don't worry. Every cop understands
about pregnant women.

I'm getting hungry again.

Well, get your mind off of it.
Think about something else.

Think about baseball.

Right. Baseball. Baseball.

Pitchers, catchers, scorecards.

Can you help me? I need an escort.

Scorecards, home runs, hot dogs...

- Can I see your licence, please?
- Certainly.

I know I was exceeding the speed limit, but,
you see, my wife is going to have a baby.

- That so?
- Yes, and I've got to get her to the hospital.

Well, where is she,
in the glove compartment?

Oh, no. Sam?

- Sam?
- Your wife's name is Sam.

- Yes.
- And Sam's having a baby.

- That's right.
- Okay, Lucille.

This is really gonna cost you.

Admitting, please.

No relish this time, just lots of mustard.

Hello. Is there a Mr Darrin Stephens there?

May I speak with him, please?

Thank you. Hello?

Sam, where are you?

I'm at Shea Stadium.

- What?
- I'm at Shea Stadium.

The Dodgers are playing the Mets.

Sweetheart, you never should've started me
thinking about baseball.

Sam, what's going on?

Well, the bases are loaded,
there are two outs, and Willie Davis is up.

Sam, I mean, are you okay?

- I'm fine, just fine.
- Good.

Now will you get over here
as fast as you can?

I don't care what the score is.
Will you hurry?

As soon as I finish my hot dog.

Hold on!

Sam? Sam. Hello?

Hello. Sam?

Darrin, you know why it's so quiet here?

No. Why?

Willie Davis just hit
a grand-slam home run.

Oh, boy. Sam, will you please hurry?

Okay. Bye-bye.

- Hello, Doctor.
- Hello, Darrin.

- Where's Samantha?
- She'll be here any second.

- You mean, she didn't come with you?
- Well, yes, she did.

But, you see,
she stopped off to get a hot dog.

Here she is.

I don't believe it.

I've never known an expectant mother
who was so preoccupied with food.

Nurse, would you arrange to have
Mrs Stephens taken up to her room?

And I'll see you up there
in a few minutes, Samantha.

And, please, no more food.

Samantha, I don't know
if I'm going to survive this.

Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart. But as soon as
Dr Bombay gets here, it'll all be solved.

Very good.

Yes?

I'm sorry, Darrin.
You'll have to wait outside.

I just wanted to tell Samantha
that the person

that we were expecting to arrive hasn't.

Well, don't you worry, sweetheart.
He'll be here. Just be patient.

You know,
this is getting to be quite a bore.

Do you know what you put us through
by reversing that spell?

Well, you can't win them all, dear boy.
However, I think I can straighten her out.

- This her room?
- No, you can't go in there looking like that.

You've got to look more professional.

For your information,
clothes do not make the doctor.

However, if it will make you happy...

- Interesting.
- What is it?

Well, it's nothing to be alarmed at,
but it's just that...

- Yes?
- Hello, Samantha. How are you?

Bombay's the name. Medicine's my game.

Dr Bombay is a friend of the family.

I don't understand.

Nothing to concern yourself about,
my dear chap.

My practise doesn't compete with yours.
I'm here as a consultant.

- So if you'll kindly step aside.
- I beg your pardon.

Dr Bombay, I think perhaps
you ought to wait outside.

- If you don't mind.
- Very well, if you're going to get huffy.

These mortal doctors
certainly are thin-skinned.

Wouldn't let me anywhere near her.
Oh, well, I'll go back when he leaves.

That might be too late. I don't want
my baby born in a hot-dog stand.

I don't see how that would hurt.

At least you'd know your child
would be able to cut the mustard.

There you go.
I'll just have to get him out of there.

Please, don't be upset.
Dr Bombay just misunderstood.

I only wanted him to visit socially.

Well, I understand.

Anyway, as I was saying,
it's nothing to be alarmed about.

It's just that...

Well, I've got some rather interesting news
about your baby.

What baby?

This time, in addition to the medication,
I think I will add a little whammy.

Onus maximus rebus quills,

cure this patient of her ills.

Food won't come and food won't go.

She'll be fine...

Dr Anton, you're looking a little pale.
Are you all right?

No. I'm getting a checkup
first thing tomorrow.

What are you doing here?

I'm sorry. We just had to see her once more
before she had the baby.

Well, there's plenty of time for that.

Well, according to my examination,
Samantha isn't due for a while.

- For a while?
- How long a while?

Well, it's nothing unusual.
It's just a little false alarm.

Well.

I'll just wait at the desk
until Sam comes down.

I'm sorry we put you
to all this trouble, Doctor.

Don't apologise. It happens.

And forgive me if I offended you, Doctor.

I didn't realise
you were a friend of the family.

Actually, I'm only a
friend of half the family.

I see. Well, goodbye.

Goodbye, Dr Bombay. Don't think
I don't appreciate what you did.

Because I don't.

Someday you're going to make
a beautiful artichoke.

Darrin! Have I got great news for you.

When I told Paxton the baby was being born
today, do you know what he did?

- No. What?
- He told me

that in honour of the baby being born
on the day we were honouring him,

- he was awarding us his account!
- But, Larry, you see...

You didn't even tell me
whether it was a boy or a girl.

Not that it matters to Paxton.

Sam, they're not letting
you go home already.

- Didn't Darrin tell you?
- It's not that I haven't tried.

- Tell me what?
- It was a false alarm.

You look more disappointed than I feel.

Paxton was gonna give us his account
in honour of the new baby.

Well, what makes you think
he won't feel the same way when it is born?

He'll be sober by then.

Unless... Sam, how would you feel
about spending the night here?

And tomorrow morning,
I'll bring Paxton around

to see you and the new baby.

What new baby?

Well, you mean to tell me in a
place like this we can't borrow a...

Listen, that's a $2 million account!

Larry, I hope you're kidding.

Of course I'm kidding.

Come on, sweetheart.

Maybe we could borrow a camera and take a
picture of a baby in a nursery, and then...

Larry, you son of a gun.

Thank you.