Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 5, Episode 26 - Samantha Twitches for UNICEF - full transcript
Before she knows it, Samantha has been co-opted to help in yet another women's committee, Housewives for UNICEF. The work of the committee ends before it even begins when their primary benefactor, builder E.J. Haskell, reneges on a $10,000 donation. And Samantha is once again co-opted into another task before she knows it, namely to wage a forty-eight hour campaign on getting Haskell to change his mind and to make the donation. Samantha's meeting with Haskell ends up being less than productive, with him threatening her by telling her never to show her face around him again. That gives Samantha an idea: that she will haunt him, with him seeing her face everywhere he goes. Although Samantha's campaign seems to be having some effect, Endora believes Samantha needs to get to the root cause of why he reneged on the donation. That cause seems to be Haskell's new fiancée, a seemingly gold-digger of a woman named Lila Layton.
Oh, Mother, really.
How many times have I told you
I'd rather do it myself?
Samantha, it depresses me no end...
to see you engaged
in such disgustingly mortal activities.
Well, you're wasting
your depression, Mother dear.
I enjoy painting.
Besides,
this is my project while Darrin's gone.
He's gone? Oh, what delightful news.
Permanently, I hope?
- He's in Chicago on business.
- Drat!
And if I'm lucky, he'll be home
day after tomorrow.
And if I'm lucky,
he'll fall into Lake Michigan.
Here...
paint yourself into a corner.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Stephens.
Mrs. Wehmeyer,
how nice to see you. Come in.
Oh, forgive me
for barging in this way...
but I was in the neighbourhood,
and I just thought...
What's that?
Pardon?
I really must have these checked.
Won't you sit down?
Well, I haven't seen you since
you led the fight to save the park.
Oh, my dear,
I have never forgotten that.
And, Mrs. Stephens, frankly,
we need your help again.
The park's being threatened again?
Oh, no. I'm talking about our drive
to raise money...
for the United Nations
Children's Fund.
You know how important that is.
I'd be happy to make
a contribution to UNICEF.
Good. Our committee
is meeting this afternoon...
at the downtown
community centre.
- Committee? Well, now wait...
- My dear, I knew I could count on you.
- But, Mrs. Wehmeyer...
- The others will be thrilled...
to know that
you're going to join us.
But, Mrs. Wehmeyer,
I don't really think I have the time...
Why, dear, you're just what we need.
Someone to lead us.
Someone to inspire us
to an all-out effort.
- Me?
- One o'clock, then?
One o'clock.
Ta-ta.
Ta-ta.
Samantha, I have
a perfectly splendid idea.
Why don't we hop on a cloud
and fly off somewhere?
I mean, as long as Darwin's away.
I'm sorry, Mother, but I can't.
I have just volunteered to be drafted.
Where are you going?
What about the meeting?
Well, it's over, my dear.
Didn't you say 1:00?
Did I? Well,
it doesn't matter now.
I'm afraid we've suffered
a severe setback.
- Well, what happened?
- I don't even want to talk about it.
We had a pledge for $10,000
from E.J. Haskell, the builder...
and now he's reneged on it.
Oh, what a shame.
What made him change his mind?
- Who knows.
- You won't believe this...
but we can't even
get a hold of him to find out.
Well, there must be
something we can do.
- Well, what can we do?
- I don't know.
Can't he be sued
for breach of pledge?
Samantha, we've tried everything.
We've written to him.
We've sent him wires.
- We haven't been able to get near him.
- But that's not fair.
- I mean, after all, he promised.
- Mrs. Stephens?
We did have one thought.
What's that?
To select one member
to concentrate on Mr. Haskell...
for 48 hours.
Oh, well, that is a good idea.
Then you agree?
- Oh, of course.
- I knew you would.
Here. This piece of paper
has Mr. Haskell's home address...
and his business address.
- What?
- And good luck.
They say there's
a sucker born every minute...
but you're trying
to raise the average.
- Mother, who's sitting with Tabitha?
- Hagatha.
And I'm afraid she's a little put out.
I just zapped her
out of an eight-legged race.
What's that?
Oh, my darling, it's all the rage.
You saddle an octopus,
and you try to break it.
Come on.
I'll show you how it's done.
Mother, Mother, I can't.
I'm going to be busy trying to break
a two-legged maverick.
- Murdock?
- Yes, Mr. Haskell?
Where's that decorator?
Wasn't he supposed to be here at 2:00?
It's a she.
They're sending a young lady.
Well, she's two minutes late.
I'll get it. You bring the car around.
- I'll be ready in a few minutes.
- Yes, sir.
You're two minutes late.
I am?
Well, don't stand there. Come in.
All right. Come along. Right in here.
Here we are.
Well, what do you think?
I... Pardon?
Well, I'm not asking
for any specific ideas.
I just want your immediate
general reaction.
Oh, well, that's good.
Because it's easier
to be general than specific.
That is, usually but not always...
although sometimes
it's harder to be general.
The important thing is to know
what you're talking about, right?
- Right.
- What are we talking about?
About redecorating this room.
What else?
Well, it certainly could use it.
Exactly.
Incidentally, I thought
you did a great job at the Wilsons'.
They're very high on you, you know?
That's very sweet of them.
They're a lovely couple.
Fred Wilson and his mother?
Fred does have a problem,
doesn't he?
Well, I'm not needed here.
Now you look around,
get some ideas. I've gotta run.
Mr. Haskell,
I already have some ideas.
- You have?
- Yes.
Mr. Haskell, you're a builder.
You know the importance
of a good foundation, right?
Right.
Don't you think the children all over
the world deserve a good foundation?
Sure. But what's all that
got to do with redecorating?
Well, actually,
I'm not your average decorator.
In fact, I'm not a decorator at all.
Who are you?
Why did you go back
on your pledge to UNICEF?
So that's who you are.
Yes, I'm one
of the housewives for UNICEF.
I'm very busy, miss.
Mr. Haskell, I'm not leaving until I get
a direct answer to a direct question.
Are you gonna make good
on that pledge?
No.
You don't have to be that direct.
Can't we sit down and talk this over?
In a minute, you're going to make me
forget my manners.
I didn't ask you
to come barging in here.
Oh, yes, you did. As a matter of fact,
you ordered me in.
Well,
now I'm ordering you to get out.
What manners
were you talking about?
Goodbye.
And if you're smart, you won't
show your face around here again.
For two cents, I'd huff and I'd puff,
and I'd blow your house down.
That's what happens
when you get involved...
with mortals
and their petty problems.
Thanks for the advice, Mother...
but a world full of children who
need help is hardly a petty problem.
Furthermore, no one is going
to slam a door in my face...
and get away with it.
Never show my face
around here again, huh?
I'll make him sorry he ever saw it.
Bye-bye, Mother.
I have to get to work.
What's holding us up?
There's a truck
blocking the street, sir.
Well, how did you...
Where's my...
Look, young lady,
you get out of this car before I...
I beg your pardon, sir?
- Good afternoon, Miss Blake.
- Here are your calls, Mr. Haskell.
Oh, yes. Thank you.
Oh, Mr. Haskell?
Don't you want your mail?
No. No.
Yes, Mr. Haskell?
Come in here right away.
I'm going to ask you
a simple question.
Look up there
and tell me if you see...
See what, sir?
Nothing.
What was the name of that
psychiatrist I went to last year?
Now, I want you to describe to me...
exactly, to the smallest detail...
this person you keep seeing.
Well, she's young,
blonde, kind of pretty.
In fact, very pretty.
Does that mean something?
Does it mean something?
I'll say it means something.
- What?
- I don't know.
But everything means something.
The important thing is
what does it mean to you?
Look, Doctor, I'm paying
for answers, not questions.
But, my dear fellow,
without questions...
there would be no answers.
Understand?
No.
Now what?
Your refusal to understand
is symptomatic of the anxiety state...
and clearly indicates
that your sensor...
refuses to permit the id
to supersede.
Well, could you explain that
in simpler language?
Of course not. I'm a psychiatrist,
not a nursery school teacher.
- Look, I'm a busy man. I haven't...
- Wait, wait.
Yeah, I think I know how to get
to the bottom of your problem.
Well, it's about time.
I will give you some word images...
and you will say the first thing
that comes into your head.
We will begin.
And no profanity, please.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
- Black.
- Blue.
- Red.
- White.
Blonde.
Pretty.
- Young.
- Old.
What is it? What is it?
There's that pencil.
Thought I lost it.
I don't think
we're getting anywhere.
Which is why you're a patient,
and I'm the psychiatrist.
The reason for your
hallucination is obvious.
Well, what is it?
Oh, boy, have you got a mental block.
Don't you see?
This hallucination
represents your doubts...
and anxieties about your marriage.
But I don't have any doubts
or anxieties.
You're getting married,
and you have no doubts or anxieties?
No.
My dear chap, you really are sick.
What I am saying is that
I keep seeing this blonde...
I have to get a cigarette.
I thought you didn't smoke.
I don't, but my nurse does.
Ask me,
he ought to see a psychiatrist.
What was that, my dear chap?
Now, I am going to ask you
one more question.
Have you got, maybe,
something on your conscience?
Have you, maybe, made a promise
and then gone back on it...
and the young lady
keeps reminding you?
Is that possible?
Doctor, Doctor! I'm seeing her now!
Exactly where are you
seeing this hallucination?
Right there. In that chair.
You must be joking.
There is nobody in this chair but me.
Now, let's get back
to your conscience.
You're wasting your time,
my darling.
Mother, if you want an appointment,
just ask the nurse.
Nurse. Nurse!
You can't appeal to his conscience.
He doesn't have any.
Samantha...
how would you like
an intelligent suggestion?
From whom?
I'll ignore that.
Why don't you find this little
vixen he's going to marry...
and see what makes her tick.
Mother, you're absolutely right.
I have to cherchez la femme.
But, Doctor, I tell you!
She is sitting right here in your...
They're gone.
There was more than one?
Her mother was with her.
Or was it your mother?
My dear fellow...
why don't you lie down,
and let's have a little talk...
about your mother.
I thought that
if anyone would appreciate...
how badly that money is needed,
it would be you.
After all, you lived in India.
Well, actually, I only lived there
for about a year.
Two months for the marriage
and 10 months for the divorce.
But you had a chance
to see how terrible the poverty is...
and how badly they need help.
No. But I heard about it, of course.
Then you'll ask Mr. Haskell
about his donation?
Look, I'd like to help you...
but I make it a rule never to ask
for anything before the wedding.
But you wouldn't be asking
for anything.
Just the same, he's old enough
to decide a thing like that for himself.
Boy, is he old enough.
Of course. But couldn't you just...
You asked me a question,
and I gave you my answer.
That's right. You did.
I'm sorry I took your time.
Okay.
I thought she'd never leave.
I thought you'd never come out.
- Well?
- Mother, looks like we were right.
She's not the kind of girl
one takes home to Mother, is she?
Only if Mother's not home.
Oh, it's beautiful, poopsie.
Oh, it's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.
- But you shouldn't have.
- Why not?
After all, you talked me out
of making that donation...
and you saved me $10,000.
- And this is my commission?
- Exactly.
Oh, poopsie, you're such a doll.
I love you so.
Not at all, my dear.
Can you believe that?
No. But apparently poopsie does.
I think what's indicated here
is a little dose of truth salts.
- Do you have some?
- Oh, darling...
I never go anywhere
without the tools of my trade.
- Waiter.
- Yes, miss?
What is the correct time?
It's about 7:30.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Oh, poopsie,
I'll never forget this night.
- Would you care for the wine list?
- Not right now, waiter. Thank you.
When we're married,
we're going to eat at home.
- Wait till you taste my cooking.
- Good. I hate restaurants.
Once you taste my cooking,
you'll be glad to go to a restaurant.
- Who said that?
- You said that.
I know, but I don't know why.
Actually,
I'm very good in the kitchen.
It's just that I don't know
a thing about cooking.
What is this, some kind of game?
No. Really. Believe me.
Why would I do that?
You know how I feel about you.
How much I adore your money.
I don't like this game.
Oh, poopsie,
where's your sense of humour?
I never thought bad taste was funny.
I'm sorry. Really I am.
All right. Let's just forget it.
Would you like to go somewhere
when you're finished?
Oh, that would be great.
Except I have a date
with my boyfriend.
I think I'd better take you home.
No. Wait. I didn't mean that.
Let me explain.
All right. Explain.
In fact, I've got a better idea.
Here. Here's some cab fare.
Sorry about that.
Oh, no. No.
You're all I need right now.
- May I sit down?
- How could I stop you?
Look, I know
you've had a shock, but...
Wait a minute. It's just beginning
to dawn on me who you are.
You're my conscience, aren't you?
- Well, you could say that.
- Of course.
And I'm not going to get rid of you...
until I make good
on that pledge to UNICEF, right?
That's the idea.
In that case, I'll do it.
Marvellous. Now, I brought a pen...
and a blank check,
just in case you didn't have one.
Are you kidding? I can't
give you a check for $10,000.
- Why not?
- You don't even exist.
You're my conscience. Waiter.
But, Mr. Haskell...
Oh, wait till I tell
my doctor about you.
He thought you represented
my doubts and anxieties...
but you're far
too attractive for that.
Are you going to be
at this all night?
When I recover from dealing
with my conscience...
I'll be glad to talk to you
about my doubts and anxieties.
Till then, bye-bye.
I don't know why...
but I have the distinct feeling
that I've been insulted.
- Martini?
- Make it a double.
At it again, eh?
Yes. And I'm almost finished.
Oh, I thought you were
at the underwater rodeo.
Oh, I was eliminated.
I was thrown by a bucking sea horse.
Oh, what a shame.
Would you like some breakfast?
Oh, that's a lovely idea.
Then we can take off,
just the two of us, and have some fun.
- Forget it.
- Don't be snippy.
Darrin came home last night,
and he's still asleep.
Guess who just lost her appetite?
Paint the clouds with sunshine.
- Good morning, my dear.
- Hello, Mrs. Wehmeyer.
I've got the most
delicious news. Guess what?
Mr. Haskell came through
with his $10,000 donation.
You'll never guess.
We got that $10,000 donation from...
How did you know?
You must be psychic.
Well, anyway, dear,
I rushed right over to tell you...
so you wouldn't waste time
trying to see him.
That is good news.
He said his conscience
had bothered him all day yesterday.
And then he said the strangest thing.
What was that?
He asked me if I'd ever seen
a blonde conscience.
- Oh, that is weird.
- Yeah.
Oh, well, I must run to the bank.
Oh, thanks anyway, dear,
for volunteering. Ta-ta.
How many times have I told you
I'd rather do it myself?
Samantha, it depresses me no end...
to see you engaged
in such disgustingly mortal activities.
Well, you're wasting
your depression, Mother dear.
I enjoy painting.
Besides,
this is my project while Darrin's gone.
He's gone? Oh, what delightful news.
Permanently, I hope?
- He's in Chicago on business.
- Drat!
And if I'm lucky, he'll be home
day after tomorrow.
And if I'm lucky,
he'll fall into Lake Michigan.
Here...
paint yourself into a corner.
Oh, hello, Mrs. Stephens.
Mrs. Wehmeyer,
how nice to see you. Come in.
Oh, forgive me
for barging in this way...
but I was in the neighbourhood,
and I just thought...
What's that?
Pardon?
I really must have these checked.
Won't you sit down?
Well, I haven't seen you since
you led the fight to save the park.
Oh, my dear,
I have never forgotten that.
And, Mrs. Stephens, frankly,
we need your help again.
The park's being threatened again?
Oh, no. I'm talking about our drive
to raise money...
for the United Nations
Children's Fund.
You know how important that is.
I'd be happy to make
a contribution to UNICEF.
Good. Our committee
is meeting this afternoon...
at the downtown
community centre.
- Committee? Well, now wait...
- My dear, I knew I could count on you.
- But, Mrs. Wehmeyer...
- The others will be thrilled...
to know that
you're going to join us.
But, Mrs. Wehmeyer,
I don't really think I have the time...
Why, dear, you're just what we need.
Someone to lead us.
Someone to inspire us
to an all-out effort.
- Me?
- One o'clock, then?
One o'clock.
Ta-ta.
Ta-ta.
Samantha, I have
a perfectly splendid idea.
Why don't we hop on a cloud
and fly off somewhere?
I mean, as long as Darwin's away.
I'm sorry, Mother, but I can't.
I have just volunteered to be drafted.
Where are you going?
What about the meeting?
Well, it's over, my dear.
Didn't you say 1:00?
Did I? Well,
it doesn't matter now.
I'm afraid we've suffered
a severe setback.
- Well, what happened?
- I don't even want to talk about it.
We had a pledge for $10,000
from E.J. Haskell, the builder...
and now he's reneged on it.
Oh, what a shame.
What made him change his mind?
- Who knows.
- You won't believe this...
but we can't even
get a hold of him to find out.
Well, there must be
something we can do.
- Well, what can we do?
- I don't know.
Can't he be sued
for breach of pledge?
Samantha, we've tried everything.
We've written to him.
We've sent him wires.
- We haven't been able to get near him.
- But that's not fair.
- I mean, after all, he promised.
- Mrs. Stephens?
We did have one thought.
What's that?
To select one member
to concentrate on Mr. Haskell...
for 48 hours.
Oh, well, that is a good idea.
Then you agree?
- Oh, of course.
- I knew you would.
Here. This piece of paper
has Mr. Haskell's home address...
and his business address.
- What?
- And good luck.
They say there's
a sucker born every minute...
but you're trying
to raise the average.
- Mother, who's sitting with Tabitha?
- Hagatha.
And I'm afraid she's a little put out.
I just zapped her
out of an eight-legged race.
What's that?
Oh, my darling, it's all the rage.
You saddle an octopus,
and you try to break it.
Come on.
I'll show you how it's done.
Mother, Mother, I can't.
I'm going to be busy trying to break
a two-legged maverick.
- Murdock?
- Yes, Mr. Haskell?
Where's that decorator?
Wasn't he supposed to be here at 2:00?
It's a she.
They're sending a young lady.
Well, she's two minutes late.
I'll get it. You bring the car around.
- I'll be ready in a few minutes.
- Yes, sir.
You're two minutes late.
I am?
Well, don't stand there. Come in.
All right. Come along. Right in here.
Here we are.
Well, what do you think?
I... Pardon?
Well, I'm not asking
for any specific ideas.
I just want your immediate
general reaction.
Oh, well, that's good.
Because it's easier
to be general than specific.
That is, usually but not always...
although sometimes
it's harder to be general.
The important thing is to know
what you're talking about, right?
- Right.
- What are we talking about?
About redecorating this room.
What else?
Well, it certainly could use it.
Exactly.
Incidentally, I thought
you did a great job at the Wilsons'.
They're very high on you, you know?
That's very sweet of them.
They're a lovely couple.
Fred Wilson and his mother?
Fred does have a problem,
doesn't he?
Well, I'm not needed here.
Now you look around,
get some ideas. I've gotta run.
Mr. Haskell,
I already have some ideas.
- You have?
- Yes.
Mr. Haskell, you're a builder.
You know the importance
of a good foundation, right?
Right.
Don't you think the children all over
the world deserve a good foundation?
Sure. But what's all that
got to do with redecorating?
Well, actually,
I'm not your average decorator.
In fact, I'm not a decorator at all.
Who are you?
Why did you go back
on your pledge to UNICEF?
So that's who you are.
Yes, I'm one
of the housewives for UNICEF.
I'm very busy, miss.
Mr. Haskell, I'm not leaving until I get
a direct answer to a direct question.
Are you gonna make good
on that pledge?
No.
You don't have to be that direct.
Can't we sit down and talk this over?
In a minute, you're going to make me
forget my manners.
I didn't ask you
to come barging in here.
Oh, yes, you did. As a matter of fact,
you ordered me in.
Well,
now I'm ordering you to get out.
What manners
were you talking about?
Goodbye.
And if you're smart, you won't
show your face around here again.
For two cents, I'd huff and I'd puff,
and I'd blow your house down.
That's what happens
when you get involved...
with mortals
and their petty problems.
Thanks for the advice, Mother...
but a world full of children who
need help is hardly a petty problem.
Furthermore, no one is going
to slam a door in my face...
and get away with it.
Never show my face
around here again, huh?
I'll make him sorry he ever saw it.
Bye-bye, Mother.
I have to get to work.
What's holding us up?
There's a truck
blocking the street, sir.
Well, how did you...
Where's my...
Look, young lady,
you get out of this car before I...
I beg your pardon, sir?
- Good afternoon, Miss Blake.
- Here are your calls, Mr. Haskell.
Oh, yes. Thank you.
Oh, Mr. Haskell?
Don't you want your mail?
No. No.
Yes, Mr. Haskell?
Come in here right away.
I'm going to ask you
a simple question.
Look up there
and tell me if you see...
See what, sir?
Nothing.
What was the name of that
psychiatrist I went to last year?
Now, I want you to describe to me...
exactly, to the smallest detail...
this person you keep seeing.
Well, she's young,
blonde, kind of pretty.
In fact, very pretty.
Does that mean something?
Does it mean something?
I'll say it means something.
- What?
- I don't know.
But everything means something.
The important thing is
what does it mean to you?
Look, Doctor, I'm paying
for answers, not questions.
But, my dear fellow,
without questions...
there would be no answers.
Understand?
No.
Now what?
Your refusal to understand
is symptomatic of the anxiety state...
and clearly indicates
that your sensor...
refuses to permit the id
to supersede.
Well, could you explain that
in simpler language?
Of course not. I'm a psychiatrist,
not a nursery school teacher.
- Look, I'm a busy man. I haven't...
- Wait, wait.
Yeah, I think I know how to get
to the bottom of your problem.
Well, it's about time.
I will give you some word images...
and you will say the first thing
that comes into your head.
We will begin.
And no profanity, please.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
- Black.
- Blue.
- Red.
- White.
Blonde.
Pretty.
- Young.
- Old.
What is it? What is it?
There's that pencil.
Thought I lost it.
I don't think
we're getting anywhere.
Which is why you're a patient,
and I'm the psychiatrist.
The reason for your
hallucination is obvious.
Well, what is it?
Oh, boy, have you got a mental block.
Don't you see?
This hallucination
represents your doubts...
and anxieties about your marriage.
But I don't have any doubts
or anxieties.
You're getting married,
and you have no doubts or anxieties?
No.
My dear chap, you really are sick.
What I am saying is that
I keep seeing this blonde...
I have to get a cigarette.
I thought you didn't smoke.
I don't, but my nurse does.
Ask me,
he ought to see a psychiatrist.
What was that, my dear chap?
Now, I am going to ask you
one more question.
Have you got, maybe,
something on your conscience?
Have you, maybe, made a promise
and then gone back on it...
and the young lady
keeps reminding you?
Is that possible?
Doctor, Doctor! I'm seeing her now!
Exactly where are you
seeing this hallucination?
Right there. In that chair.
You must be joking.
There is nobody in this chair but me.
Now, let's get back
to your conscience.
You're wasting your time,
my darling.
Mother, if you want an appointment,
just ask the nurse.
Nurse. Nurse!
You can't appeal to his conscience.
He doesn't have any.
Samantha...
how would you like
an intelligent suggestion?
From whom?
I'll ignore that.
Why don't you find this little
vixen he's going to marry...
and see what makes her tick.
Mother, you're absolutely right.
I have to cherchez la femme.
But, Doctor, I tell you!
She is sitting right here in your...
They're gone.
There was more than one?
Her mother was with her.
Or was it your mother?
My dear fellow...
why don't you lie down,
and let's have a little talk...
about your mother.
I thought that
if anyone would appreciate...
how badly that money is needed,
it would be you.
After all, you lived in India.
Well, actually, I only lived there
for about a year.
Two months for the marriage
and 10 months for the divorce.
But you had a chance
to see how terrible the poverty is...
and how badly they need help.
No. But I heard about it, of course.
Then you'll ask Mr. Haskell
about his donation?
Look, I'd like to help you...
but I make it a rule never to ask
for anything before the wedding.
But you wouldn't be asking
for anything.
Just the same, he's old enough
to decide a thing like that for himself.
Boy, is he old enough.
Of course. But couldn't you just...
You asked me a question,
and I gave you my answer.
That's right. You did.
I'm sorry I took your time.
Okay.
I thought she'd never leave.
I thought you'd never come out.
- Well?
- Mother, looks like we were right.
She's not the kind of girl
one takes home to Mother, is she?
Only if Mother's not home.
Oh, it's beautiful, poopsie.
Oh, it's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.
- But you shouldn't have.
- Why not?
After all, you talked me out
of making that donation...
and you saved me $10,000.
- And this is my commission?
- Exactly.
Oh, poopsie, you're such a doll.
I love you so.
Not at all, my dear.
Can you believe that?
No. But apparently poopsie does.
I think what's indicated here
is a little dose of truth salts.
- Do you have some?
- Oh, darling...
I never go anywhere
without the tools of my trade.
- Waiter.
- Yes, miss?
What is the correct time?
It's about 7:30.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Oh, poopsie,
I'll never forget this night.
- Would you care for the wine list?
- Not right now, waiter. Thank you.
When we're married,
we're going to eat at home.
- Wait till you taste my cooking.
- Good. I hate restaurants.
Once you taste my cooking,
you'll be glad to go to a restaurant.
- Who said that?
- You said that.
I know, but I don't know why.
Actually,
I'm very good in the kitchen.
It's just that I don't know
a thing about cooking.
What is this, some kind of game?
No. Really. Believe me.
Why would I do that?
You know how I feel about you.
How much I adore your money.
I don't like this game.
Oh, poopsie,
where's your sense of humour?
I never thought bad taste was funny.
I'm sorry. Really I am.
All right. Let's just forget it.
Would you like to go somewhere
when you're finished?
Oh, that would be great.
Except I have a date
with my boyfriend.
I think I'd better take you home.
No. Wait. I didn't mean that.
Let me explain.
All right. Explain.
In fact, I've got a better idea.
Here. Here's some cab fare.
Sorry about that.
Oh, no. No.
You're all I need right now.
- May I sit down?
- How could I stop you?
Look, I know
you've had a shock, but...
Wait a minute. It's just beginning
to dawn on me who you are.
You're my conscience, aren't you?
- Well, you could say that.
- Of course.
And I'm not going to get rid of you...
until I make good
on that pledge to UNICEF, right?
That's the idea.
In that case, I'll do it.
Marvellous. Now, I brought a pen...
and a blank check,
just in case you didn't have one.
Are you kidding? I can't
give you a check for $10,000.
- Why not?
- You don't even exist.
You're my conscience. Waiter.
But, Mr. Haskell...
Oh, wait till I tell
my doctor about you.
He thought you represented
my doubts and anxieties...
but you're far
too attractive for that.
Are you going to be
at this all night?
When I recover from dealing
with my conscience...
I'll be glad to talk to you
about my doubts and anxieties.
Till then, bye-bye.
I don't know why...
but I have the distinct feeling
that I've been insulted.
- Martini?
- Make it a double.
At it again, eh?
Yes. And I'm almost finished.
Oh, I thought you were
at the underwater rodeo.
Oh, I was eliminated.
I was thrown by a bucking sea horse.
Oh, what a shame.
Would you like some breakfast?
Oh, that's a lovely idea.
Then we can take off,
just the two of us, and have some fun.
- Forget it.
- Don't be snippy.
Darrin came home last night,
and he's still asleep.
Guess who just lost her appetite?
Paint the clouds with sunshine.
- Good morning, my dear.
- Hello, Mrs. Wehmeyer.
I've got the most
delicious news. Guess what?
Mr. Haskell came through
with his $10,000 donation.
You'll never guess.
We got that $10,000 donation from...
How did you know?
You must be psychic.
Well, anyway, dear,
I rushed right over to tell you...
so you wouldn't waste time
trying to see him.
That is good news.
He said his conscience
had bothered him all day yesterday.
And then he said the strangest thing.
What was that?
He asked me if I'd ever seen
a blonde conscience.
- Oh, that is weird.
- Yeah.
Oh, well, I must run to the bank.
Oh, thanks anyway, dear,
for volunteering. Ta-ta.