Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 5, Episode 2 - Samantha Goes South for a Spell - full transcript

Serena takes refuge at Darrin and Samantha's to hide out from a vengeful witch named Brunhilde, with whose husband, Malcolm, Serena was carrying on. Serena broke off her relationship with Malcolm when she found out he was married. Brunhilde, tracking Serena down, does not realize that who she discovers is actually Samantha. As punishment, Brunhilde sends Samantha back to 1868 New Orleans with no memory of who she is. Serena, watching from her hide-out, knows that the only way to get Samantha back using Brunhilde's spell is to send Darrin back to retrieve her. He must get her to kiss him for her to regain her memory and for them to be transported back to present day. This task will not be easy for Darrin, as beyond Samantha not knowing who he is, she is taken in by a suave southerner named Rance Butler, who will do whatever needed to keep Samantha for himself as he has fallen in love with her.

Anybody home?

"Darling, Tabitha and I
have gone to the..."

Cousin Samantha and Tabitha
have gone to the store.

Let me out. Let me out.

Quiet, you wretch.

Sam?

Yes, sweetheart.

Would you fix me an omelette?
I'm hungry.

I'll be right down.

Oh, this is going to be a riot.

Honey?



Boy, am I starved.

What was that for?

You said you were starved.

Serena, what a lovely surprise!

Is that Serena?

How would you like to come
to a neck-wringing party?

I forgot my grocery list.

Now I'm glad I did.

Drat and double drat.

Darrin.

Aren't you gonna be late
for your golf game?

With her here, I think I'd better
stay close to the house.

- Well, why don't we all go in the...
- Let me out! Let me out!

What in the world was that?



Let me out! Let me out!

Cool it, Malcolm.

Malcolm?

Darrin, go play golf.

Serena, so help me...

All right now, Serena.

Now that Darrin's gone,
I want the facts.

- Who is that bird?
- He is not a bird.

He's Super Fink.

- Aren't you, Malcolm?
- Let me out!

You know, you're getting to be a bore.

Malcolm. Isn't that the warlock
you've been going with?

"Been" is the correct tense.

- What did he do?
- I'll tell you what he didn't do.

He didn't tell me he was married.

And if I know you.
You didn't bother to ask.

Serena, I will thank you
not to use our home as a hideout.

So take your bird and get out of here.

What's that?

It's Brunhilde.
Oh, she's tracked us down.

Thought you'd get away
from me, eh?

You little fool.

Now, Brunhilde...

Where is he?

- I'm afraid you've made a little mistake.
- No. Correction!

You have made a mistake
and it's not a little one.

- Now, if you'd just quiet down...
- No! You quiet down.

In the old days, they'd have
put you away for husband-stealing.

The olden days.

I think that's exactly
where I'll send you...

you wolfette.

Blow the winds

And thunder crack

Roll the years a century back

Vixen, begone and make the switch

Begone with the wind, you little witch

I hope Darrin's going to be
broad-minded about this.

Malcolm.

I know you're here.

You show yourself...

or I'll whip up a tornado
and blow you out!

Sorry.

I knew it.

Brunhilde, my dearest.
You have saved me from a terrible fate.

This little witch...

apparently developed
an incurable yen for me...

and when I refused
to yield to her advances...

she cast a spell over me.

- Feel my hand. It's still quivering.
- Oh, my poor dear.

And all this time,
I thought you were philandering.

My dear, how could you think
such a thing?

Well, come along. We're going home.

I bet when the mice see her,
they jump on chairs.

Look what they've done to you,
you poor child.

Carpetbaggers!

You need any help, honey?

I...

- Where am I?
- Oh, you do need help.

- This is New Orleans, child.
- New Orleans?

What am I doing here?

Well, I'd say not too good,
if I'm any judge.

- Where you from?
- Well, I'm from...

I can't remember.

- Well, what's your name?
- My name is...

Now, look, child.

A pretty thing can't wander
around the city...

not knowing her whereabouts
or "whoseabouts."

You better come home with me.
I'll get you clean clothes...

some food for you to fat up on.

Now you just come along
with me, honey...

and I'm gonna take you home.

Aunt Jenny.

Contrary to gossip, I am not running
a home for wayward girls.

But the poor thing is so frail
and lost and all.

Can't she stay until her remembrance
come back, Mr. Rance?

The answer is no.

She's been fed,
now send her on her way.

She won't be no trouble.
I'll see to that.

And what are the neighbours
going to say?

An attractive bachelor like myself...

harbouring a young girl
under my roof.

They gonna say,
you are the most generous...

the most kindest gentleman
there is.

My neighbours?

Well, who cares
what them no-accounts say.

Now she's outside waiting
to thank you for the vittles.

- Can't you at least say hello?
- No.

But I'm sure I shall have
no peace until I do.

- Bring her in.
- Thank you, Mr. Rance.

That silly woman.

It's ridiculous.

Every stray cat that comes
wandering by, she just...

This is the young lady, Mr. Rance.

And this is Mr. Rance Butler.

My dear.

My house is your house
for as long as you like.

Perhaps even longer.

This is a nightmare.
A nightmare!

Oh, Sam!

Will you stop whining
and let me concentrate?

Now I have to remember
that incantation word for word.

Blow, ye winds
And thunder crack...

How could this happen?

Vixen, begone and make the switch

I go out to play golf. When I come back,
my wife's in the twilight zone.

Links to jinx!

Begone with the wind

You little witch

That's it!

- Which?
- Oh, well. It's close enough.

You see, it's your average
Beauty And The Beast curse.

If she gives a willing kiss to a mortal,
she'll return to the present.

Now listen, Serena. Sam's not kissing
any mortal unless it's me.

Exactly, darling.

You mean, I gotta go back?

- Exactly, darling.
- Yeah, exactly, darling.

Oh, now, it's really very simple.

By using the same incantation...

I can send you
to the same time and place.

Serena, this better work.

1868 is a nice time to visit,
but I wouldn't want to live there.

I find her, she kisses me
and that's it?

- Right.
- I'm ready.

There's just one little thing
I ought to mention.

- Samantha won't know you, of course.
- Of course. What?

How could she?
You haven't been born yet.

I'll be a perfect stranger
to my own wife?

Stranger, yes.

But hardly perfect.

Serena, if they ever put a price
on your head, I'll gladly pay it.

Oh, you make such a big deal
out of nothing.

Here goes.

And hang on to that picture.
You'll need it.

Blow, ye winds and thunder crack

Roll the years a century back

- Why, Rance!
- How beautiful.

You sitting there...

magnolias waving in the breeze...

those happy voices singing.

Happy?

- They love me, you know.
- Really?

Then why do they keep singing
"Massa's in de Cold, Cold Ground"?

What are you doing home from work?
You left an hour ago.

Well, a man is entitled
to some leisure moments.

Besides...

I couldn't bear being separated
from you any longer.

Oh, why, Rance, what a thing to say!

We've known each other
for such a short time.

Long enough for me to know
I've fallen quite in love, I'm afraid.

Oh, why, Rance, you can't be serious.

You don't even know my name.

So what?

Neither do you.

My dearest...

say you'll marry me.

If only I knew who I was
or where I came from.

Oh, my...

Darling, what does it matter?

Let's simply say
that you've been reborn...

that you come to me
with no ties, no past.

Only a future.

Rance. Rance, let me go.

Please!

Is it too soon?

No, but your stickpin's killing me.

Curses. I'm sorry, my dear.

Oh, my poor child.

I've overexcited you.

I know the very thing.

I'll have Aunt Jenny bring you
some sassafras tea.

Please don't.

But it'll calm your nerves.
Have you ever tried it?

Yes. And I'd rather be nervous.

Strange girl.

- Hello. Is this the Butler plantation?
- Yes, it is.

- Are you Aunt Jenny?
- Depends.

- Is you a bill collector?
- No.

- I'm Aunt Jenny.
- I was told you found a young lady...

wandering and you brought her here.

- A blonde, pretty?
- That's right.

I'd like to see her, please.

Won't do you no good. She's taken.

- Taken?
- I happen to know from over-listening...

that Mr. Rance is going to marry her.

What?

And if he do, guess who's going
to get a raise...

for bringing that lovely child home?

He can't marry her.
She's already married to me!

Guess who's going to be
looking for a job.

Excuse me.

Aunt Jenny!
What's all this ruckus?

Mr. Rance, you about
to commit bigotry.

Mr. Butler, my name is Darrin Stephens
and I'm looking for...

- Sam!
- Sam?

Sam?

- Who are you?
- Sir!

What is the meaning of this?

She doesn't remember me,
because...

of what's happened,
but I'm her husband.

But as soon as she kisses me,
it'll all come back. Pucker up, Sam.

Don't you dare touch me!

See? Doesn't that prove we're married?

Sir, take your hands off that lady.

Why, this is preposterous!

If you can prove your claim,
then do so. If not, then get out!

All right.

Take a look at that.

Now where would I get that,
if I weren't her husband?

Why, you could have secured this
in any number of ways.

Boy, are you a tough customer.

I didn't want to do this,
but you're forcing me to.

Sam, take off your dress.

I beg your pardon!

Dear sir, what is the meaning of this?

Put me down and I'll tell you.

She has a mole
in the middle of her back.

I'll be the judge of that, sir.

Take it off.

You are certainly no gentleman, sir.

I'm not trying to prove
I'm a gentleman...

- just that I'm your husband.
- Sir, I don't know who you are...

or why you insist upon
making this claim...

but I cannot stand by
and watch her humiliated any further.

- Out you go, sir.
- No, wait! Wait!

Aunt Jenny, get your sassafras tea.

If I see your foolish face
around here again...

I'll have you horsewhipped.

You...

Yankee.

Whatever happened
to Southern hospitality?

My apologies for my violent outburst...

but obviously the man is a fraud.

He called me...

Sam.

Which proves my point.

What sort of a name is Sam
for a beautiful young lady?

Sam?

What a strange name.

Darrin.

That's even stranger.

He's right. They love him to death.

Please, Sam, don't scream.

I promise I'll explain
everything to you.

Will you promise not to scream?

All right.

You promised and a lady
never breaks her promise, right?

Sam, what I...

I didn't break my promise.
You're the one who screamed.

You're darn right...
You're darn right I did. That hurt.

Look, we'll never get
out of here unless...

What? You again?

Somebody's going
to get horsewhipped.

Unhand her, you.

Are you all right, my beloved?

What is the meaning of this, sir?

- You want me to go fetch the sheriff?
- That won't be necessary, Jenny.

Oh, That's right.
We're all civilized human beings, and...

- Don't stand there. Get the sheriff!
- Here.

What is this for?

I never attack an unarmed man, sir.

- Who's armed?
- Why, you polecat!

You pick that up and defend yourself
or I'll run you through.

Okay,
but you're contradicting yourself.

En garde.

Rance, no! Let him go.

Why are you wasting your pity
on this cur?

Now wait a minute.

I think if we just sit down
and discuss this...

- like civilized human beings...
- You, Yankee!

Polecat!

Oh, Rance. Look what you've done!

Oh, you poor thing. Are you hurt?

- Just a flesh wound.
- This man needs a doctor.

He doesn't need a doctor.

He needs a tailor.

On your feet, sir.

- Don't you touch him.
- Why are you protecting that polecat?

I don't know.

He's seems so...

So helpless.

So innocent.

So...

So what?

Where'd they go?

Where did who go?

The young lady and that Yankee.

I didn't see no young lady
and no Yankee.

- You didn't?
- No.

Come to think of it, neither did I.

Serena, cut that out.

Hi, coz.

How's the big hero this morning?

Fortunately for you,
he doesn't remember a thing.

I put a spell on him so he'll think
it was a dream.

Very clever.

Boy, did I have a terrible night.

And it doesn't look like much
of a morning either.

Good morning to you too.

Did I have a nightmare!

I dreamt some old witch put
a curse on you...

and put you back 100 years.
I had to go back and rescue you.

- Is that weird?
- It certainly is.

And you were in it too,
somewhere.

You changed this guy into a bird,
and his wife...

She was the one
who put the curse on you.

I had to climb up a wall to get to you.
The trellis broke. I fell right on my...

That's funny.

Sweetheart, why don't you sit down.
Have your cereal.

Wait a minute.

How come I got a bruise
right where I fell in the dream?

Or would you prefer
pancakes and sausages?

And what's Sunday's paper doing here
when it's only Saturday?

It is Sunday, isn't it?

And it wasn't a dream!

Darrin, it's all over now.

I wouldn't say that.
I could have been killed.

Not to mention the sabre duel.

I've got a good mind never to speak
to you again after what you...

Sabre duel?