Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 4, Episode 9 - Out of Sync, Out of Mind - full transcript

Samantha and Darrin receive two unexpected visitors, Aunt Clara and Darrin's mother, the latter who says indirectly that she has left Mr. Stephens as he continually accuses her of an overactive imagination. The latest incident involved what she believed was lipstick on his collar, but which he countered was a stain from a careless waiter spilling food. Samantha and Darrin are less concerned about the senior Stephens' marital problems than what witchcraft Aunt Clara might do in front of Mrs. Stephens. They needn't have worried about that as the problem Aunt Clara creates is witchcraft done out of Mrs. Stephens' sight. In trying to fix Darrin's home movie of Samantha and Tabatha where the picture and sound were out of sync, Aunt Clara did fix the problem, but in turn caused Samantha's own voice to be occasionally out of sync with the movement of her mouth. Getting Mrs. Stephens out of the house and back home is now more imperative before she sees Samantha in her current condition. What's worse is what Dr. Bombay might do in front of Mrs. Stephens, he the only person who may be able to cure Samantha if Aunt Clara can't figure out the proper reversing incantation.

Mm.

That was great.

Name one other man who
has crêpe suzettes for lunch.

Oscar of the Waldorf?

And you didn't,
uh, use any, uh...

to make these, did you?

Certainly not.

I just used the
regular ingredients...

plus a little love.

Have I told you recently

how happy I am you
asked me to marry you?



No.

But the next time I make
these, I'll leave out the brandy.

Ah, ah. No, no.

This is your day of rest.

I will not have you even
step into the kitchen.

If you insist.

I do.

Mm. Ah.

Whew.

Sam!

Guess who's
getting out of a cab?

Who?

My mother. Oh, no.

I can't let her see
the kitchen like this.



She'll fire me.

Darrin, this is for both of us.

You've done what?

You heard me.

I've had my last
quarrel with your father.

I've left him.

But, why? What happened?

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

You won't believe what happened.

What?

If you don't mind, I'd
rather not talk about it.

Oh, hello, Samantha.

Mrs. Stephens.

But you'd think after 35 years,

a man would show a little
more respect for a woman.

Uh, what did he do?

I'd rather not talk about it.

Mom, can't you give us some
idea of what this is all about?

No.

I only know that I cannot
live in the same house

with a man who says I'm
imagining things in my old age.

What kind of things?

I don't want to talk about it.

My dear.

How lucky you are to be
married to someone like my son.

You'll never have to worry
about finding lipstick on his collar.

And if you do,

he won't give you
some idiotic story about...

About a waiter dropping
lingonberry pie on him.

Especially when
lingonberries are out of season.

Oh, Mom, you don't
seriously think that Dad...

Darrin, you don't
seem to understand.

I do not wish to talk about it.

Now... if you don't
mind, I'd like to lie down.

I'll show you to the guest room.

No. No.

I, uh, don't want
to be a burden.

I might as well get
used to doing for myself.

And, Darrin, if
your father calls,

I do not wish to speak to him

under any circumstances.

Is that clear?

Okay, Mom.

I... I'm sure she'll get
over it in a day or two.

Yeah, but what do we
do in the meantime?

Suppose one of your
relatives drops in?

I'll just have to
tell them not to.

Good.

Um, get on the phone,

or whatever you use,
and send out the warning.

Well, I'll contact Mother first.

Uh, then Aunt Hagatha
and Aunt Enchantra.

And dear Uncle Arthur.

And most important
of all... Who?

Aunt Clara.

Did...?

Uh, um, did you call?

Too late.

Too Late.

Oh. Aunt Clara... Oh!

What was that noise?

Uh, Mother, uh, you know
Samantha's Aunt Clara.

Oh, yes.

What happened to you?

Ah, me? Oh, nothing.

Nothing. No, I just got caught

in the downdraft
as I was landing.

No damage done. No damage done.

And the, uh...

chimney needed sweeping anyway.

Oh, my, did that
chimney need sweeping.

Grandma.

Oh, look what grandmother
has for you, darling.

Oh, I love presents.

Oh, Aunt Clara, come here.

Come here. Come here.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Oh, what a lucky
little girl you are.

When I was here before,

I brought her one
of my doorknobs.

Doorknobs.

Sam, can't you get rid of her?

Oh, honey, I can't do that.

You know how sensitive she is.

But I'll talk to her.

I'll tell her to be
extra specially careful.

That's like asking a
waterfall not to spill.

Can't we do something
to keep her quiet?

Ah, l-let me help you, darling.

Uh... I've got it.

How 'bout watching
some movies of the baby?

Good!

That should keep
her quiet for hours.

Oh, look at that.

Oh, isn't that wonderful.

Well it really is...

What is it?

It's a toy nurse's kit.

Oh. Oh, of course, yes.

A kit for toy nurses.

Oh, Aunt Clara, Darrin's tried
something different this time.

He recorded the baby's voice

at the same time
he made the movies.

You mean we can
hear the baby's voice

while we're
watching the picture?

That's right.

If I roll them both together.

Oh, my goodness.
Talking pictures.

Oh, that's an amazing idea.

Oh, dear. You'll
make a fortune here.

And then you put the other
end against the patient's heart.

And then you listen.

And if you listen carefully...

you'll hear a broken heart.

It's all set, I hope.

Get the lights, honey.

We sing a song? Yes.

What shall we sing?

"Old McDonald"?

Yeah.

Okay. You have to sing too.

Okay.

♪ Old McDonald had a farm ♪

Now, remember, Samantha.

If that's Frank, I don't
want to talk to him.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Mr. Stephens.

Well, no, I don't think that's
such a good idea at the moment.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

Please don't tell
me what he said

because I am not interested.

All right.

What did he say?

He said he wanted
to speak to you,

and you heard what I told him.

Yes.

But after 35 years, you'd
think he'd insist on talking to me.

Okay, honey, here we go again.

Get the light.

Hi. Hi.

Can we sing a song?

Yes.

What shall we sing?

"Old McDonald"?

Okay.

Oh, darn.

Well, it was a good
idea anyway, sweetheart.

I'll get it, honey. I'll get it.

I think I'll go in the den

and lie down until you
get this thing working.

Okay, Mom.

I think, um, if you'll let me...

I know a little incantation
that, uh, might make this work.

Uh...

Juncture, puncture Fiddle-de-dee

Camel, hamal Soup for three

Habble, dabble Red and green

Stop the voice Until
the picture's seen

Well, go ahead and try.

What should we sing?

"Old McDonald"?

Yeah. Okay Now,
you have to sing too.

Okay. Okay.

♪ Old McDonald had a... ♪

How about that.

You can come in now,
Mother. It's working.

That's marvelous, Aunt Clara.

Not yet, Mother! Not yet!

Holy mackerel, now
you're out of sync.

I know.

Oh. Uh, I'm... I'm okay now.

Oh.

Oh, thank heaven for that.

I was afraid it was
something I did.

Well... w-whatever
it is, it's gone.

Uh, we're ready now, Mother.

Have you got anything
stronger than an aspirin?

Well, I'm sure I
can find something...

What...? What was that?

What was what?

Her voice.

Her lips moved, and
then I heard her voice.

Uh, Mother, how long has it been

since you've had
your eyes examined?

You mean, I...
I just thought I...

Oh, this whole thing is
having a terrible effect on me.

Sam, what are we gonna do?

First of all, let's not panic.

That's easy to say,

but how long can
we fool my mother?

Maybe you should get your...

Oh. The way this thing comes
and goes is driving me cuckoo.

I'll try to get my
mother out of the house.

A spell has been said

To one who is wed

No.

A spell had been said...

I wish I was dead.

Well, all I'm saying,
Dad, is I'd appreciate it

if you could get
Mother to come home.

I realize that makes it tough.

I'll see if I can't get her
to come to the phone.

You hold on.

Mother!

Yes, dear.

Phone for you.

Oh, who is it?

Uh, search me.

Hello?

Didn't I tell you I didn't want
to talk to him if he called?

Yes, but I called him.

Darrin Stephens, you do that
again, and I'll box your ears.

I used to do it so well back
in the days that are gone.

Nothing went wrong.
And I didn't need it.

Well, Aunt Clara,
you've done all you can.

We have to get in
touch with Dr. Bombay.

Is it, uh...?

It is unnerving, isn't it?

Yes, I... Well,
I'll go fetch him.

Oh, uh, Aunt... Aunt Clara,

do you think that's
such a good idea?

You mean, you don't trust me?

Well...

Now, have I ever failed
you in an emergency?

Uh-huh. Well, that's
very kind of you.

I'll go fetch him.

Uh-oh.

I didn't have any
luck, but... What's that?

Oh, ha-ha. Yes, I need these.

I just remembered
that there's a cinder path

in front of, uh,
Dr. Bombay's house.

Dr. Bombay?

You're sending for that quack?

He is a qualified doctor.

Maybe to you.

But to a qualified doctor,
is he a qualified doctor?

Darrin, he's our only choice.

Okay.

What do we do till
the quack arrives?

Now, how 'bout this.

Tell your mother I'm coming
down with a cold or something,

and that I have to go to bed.

Good idea.

Well, I'll fake a few sneezes.

That will keep me out of her way

until Dr. Bombay arrives.

I feel like I'm in
an Italian movie.

Mommy sick.

No, I'm just resting.

Mommy talks funny.

But why can't I go up?

I might be able to
do something for her.

Shh, I have to listen.

The doctor should be here soon.

She's my daughter-in-law,
and I insist on going up.

Mother, what good can you do?

You seem to forget I've had a
good deal of nursing experience.

Pushing a bookmobile
at the hospital

is not nursing experience.

For your information, I
absorbed a great deal of medicine

while delivering those books.

I'm going up there.

Mother, I really think
you ought to let her rest.

Mom! Mother, I don't think
you ought to go in there.

Mother... Mother, I got an idea.

Why don't I take you to
a nice afternoon movie?

How are you feeling, Samantha?

Better. Thank
you, Mrs. Stephens.

What's that for?

I didn't want to
contaminate anybody.

What's keeping that doctor?

He lives some distance away.

Say that again.

Mother, I really think we
should leave her alone.

Darrin, will you
stop nagging me?

You're as bad as your father.

Come on. Up.

Come into the bathroom.

What you need is an
aspirin and salt gargle.

But, uh... And you can leave.

I'll mix it for you.

Mommy sick?

No. Daddy is.

All right, take it off.

You don't really need the salt.

The aspirin does the trick.

Here, go ahead.

There.

There, I heard it.

That time I heard it.

She gargled first,
and then I heard it.

How can that be?

Her voice is behind her.

It comes out later.

I never saw anything
like that in all my life.

What are you doing?

I'm taking her pulse.

That's not where
you take a pulse.

That's not where
you take a pulse.

Dear me. She's burning up.

You've got a very
sick witch here.

She's my mother,
and she's not a witch.

Oh. Oh.

Well, uh... she's not
too warm for a mortal.

Doctor... that
isn't the patient.

Oh?

I'm the one with the
problem, Dr. Bombay.

Oh, yes. Indeed you are.

Oh, I had the most
incredible dream about...

Oh, there he is.

All right. All right.

Everybody out while
I examine my patient.

Come along. Out.

Out. No exceptions.

Outside. Everybody out.

Out, out, out, out, out.

Now then.

What are you doing there?

In, in, in, in, in.

Sit down. Leg up.

Watch out. Take
your slipper off.

Really, Clara.

These spells of
yours that misfire

are getting quite tiresome.

Every time it happens,

I have to drop
whatever I'm doing

and mix up another batch
of Bombay's Super Cure-All.

Kindly pass me that, uh,
wolfsbane bottle, please.

I've quite enough trouble
keeping up with my own practice.

Well... I'm sorry, doctor.

Truly sorry.

And if I could remember
my own incantation,

I wouldn't have
had to bother you.

What incantation?

It's a... remover of spells.

Bad spells.

Oh, I have it on
the tip of my tongue.

Uh, um... I know
the first two lines.

Clara...

A spell has been spoken
And now must be broken

And... What's the rest?

Oh, and, uh...

There you are.

No, uh, no.

Cross your fingers.

Will that help?

Well, it won't hurt.

Bottoms up.

Oh, it's delicious.

That's the vanilla.

Vanilla?

What else?

Sam, you're back in sync.

Oh!

Oh, thank you, Dr. Bombay.

Well, now that
I'm back to normal,

I think we ought to do something

about getting your
mother and father together.

Right.

I'll go downstairs
and talk to her.

I call on the spirits...

With baited breath...
And order you to...

Remove it

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

And this, darling,
is the eraser.

Eraser?

Oh, of course.

I call on the spirits
With baited breath

And order you To erase it

Mm. That's wrong.

But, uh, it's getting closer.

Samantha, dear,
are you feeling better?

Much, much better.

Your face.

What's the matter with my face?

Oh, my stars.

Ohh!

I want to thank you

for being so gracious, doctor.

It just proves how foolish it
is to prejudge another person.

Well, from now on...

in my book... you are...

one of the worst
quacks I have ever met.

I, I, I...

Mrs. Stephens, wouldn't
you like to lie down?

No, that's the trouble.

I've been lying down too much.

I-I think I'd better...
I'd better talk a walk.

Oh, there's Frank.

Thank heaven he's come.

That's all we need.

My father.

Don't just stand there.
Do something quick.

Don't get hysterical,
my good man.

Oh, Frank.

Well, Phyllis.

You look as though
you've seen a ghost.

Worse.

Samantha's face is
covered with green stripes.

What?

Why, these side
effects will be gone

before you can say,
uh, Charlie Fuqua.

There, you see. They've gone.

Oh, well, thank heavens.

Swell, now she's
out of sync again.

Evidently.

Well, you have a choice.

Green stripes or out of sync.

What do you want? What?

Oh, really.

My good man, make up your mind.

I've got lots of other patients.

But, uh, but, but... Erase.

Remove.

Rub out.

My dear boy, I must go.

I'll check with you later.

Eradicate!

Aunt Clara.

A spell has been spoken
And must be broken

And I call on the spirit
With breath baited

And order him to eradicate it

Well, I certainly hope
that works beca...

Oh. It does.

Well, you don't believe me.

You just take a look at
Samantha, and you'll...

What happened to your stripes?

Stripes?

What stripes, Mrs. Stephens?

No, there's no
question about it.

You're going
straight to the doctor.

Oh, I'm so glad you're here.

She needs you.

Oh, Frank. You were right.

I have been imagining things.

Worse things than
you can imagine.

Can I come home?

Well, if you don't, I'm
prepared to carry you off forcibly.

Oh, my dear.

How much longer is Darrin
gonna be on that phone?

Well, it's a business call.

Well, he's been in
there for over an hour.

Well, I know, but some of
these calls go on forever.

Perhaps you'd rather not wait?

I want to say goodbye to him.

Well, I'd like to say hello.

Hm.

Darrin...

Could you stop for a
minute and say goodbye

to your mother and father?

Goodbye, Mother.

Bye, Dad.

Well. Goodbye, dear.

And thanks for everything.

It really has been
a wonderful day.

Yes. Oh, well... Goodbye, dear.

It was our pleasure.

And do write to me. Let
me know how the baby is.

I certainly will.

See you soon. Goodbye.

Sorry you have to rush off.

Well, they're gone.

Now, sweetheart, I
know you're upset.

And I don't blame you.

But, please, try and
have a little understanding,

won't you?

Darrin, you don't know
how you've hurt Aunt Clara.

She loves us, and she's
crazy about Tabatha.

Darrin, I'm surprised at you.

It's not like you
to hold a grudge.

So please.

Please forgive her.

No.