Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 4, Episode 8 - A Safe and Sane Halloween - full transcript

"Suddenly, the steeple
clock struck midnight.

"As the children
watched the bright bonfire,

"three creatures seemed to
jump out of the flickering flames.

"The children shivered

"as if a cold wind
had passed over them.

"There was a gremlin, a
goblin and a jack-o'-lantern.

See the jack-o'-lantern?

Jack-o'-lantern.

That's right.

And there's the
goblin and the gremlin.

They cute?



Gremlin.

Now, you... You lie down,
and I'll finish the story.

Now, you shut your eyes.

That's a good girl.

"'I knew we shouldn't have told

"all those Halloween
stories, ' Janie wailed.

'Now those creatures
have come to haunt us.'

"Suddenly, Billy,
who was the bravest

"of all the children,

"jumped up and
threw sand on the fire,

and the creatures disappeared."

Sam!

Shh.

"But later, when the children
were safe in their cozy beds,



"nobody was quite sure

"if he had seen the
gremlin, the goblin

"and the jack-o'-lantern,

or whether he had
just imagined them."

Sound asleep.

All it took was a
little bedtime story.

Do you think it's a good idea

reading to Tabatha about
goblins and creatures?

Oh, sweetheart, don't be silly.

She loved it.

Sam.

Maybe she loved it too much.

Now, darling, we agreed
that Tabatha was gonna have

a normal, mortal Halloween,

just like any other child

in the neighborhood, didn't we?

That's right.

Well, so I just read her

an ordinary little
mortal Halloween story.

There's no harm.

And tomorrow night, her
ordinary Daddy and her...

Ordinary mommy

are gonna take
her trick-or-treating.

Cute, huh?

Hey, yeah.

It'll be her first time.

Mine too.

Oh, Mother would have a fit.

Uh, speaking of your
mother, uh, where is she?

Oh, she flew to
the south of France.

She's hiding out 'til
Halloween blows over.

Whew.

Well, that makes it official.

A normal, mortal Halloween.

Ring around the rosy,
Pocketful of posies.

Ashes, all fall down!

Ring around the rosy,
Pocketful of posies.

Ashes, all fall down!

Ha, ha, ha.

Oh. I wonder what
she's got in those sacks.

Gladys, get away
from the window.

Why?

Because, maybe somebody will

throw a rock at you.

Who would want to
throw a rock at me?

Me, if you don't get
away from the window.

Your Uncle Abner
thinks he's being funny.

Funny is better than crazy.

Wanna hold that?

Hold still, sweetness.

I'm not a sweetness.

And I wanna go out and play.

Abner, did you hear what I said?

No.

You know, she shouldn't
be allowed out today.

They say their powers
increase on Halloween.

This is a stupid costume.

Oh, no, it isn't, sweetness.

It's adorable.

Oh, I wish I had the nerve

to take you over
to Mrs. Stephens

and ask her if it looks real.

How would she know?

Is she a witch or something?

You see?

Tommy has my intuition.

I hope not.

Why?

Because one crazy person
in the family is enough.

I don't wanna be
a jack-o'-lantern.

I want to be a monster.

For that you don't
need a costume.

Mom. Mama.

Honey, I'm sorry about Larry

spoiling our trick-or-treating,

but I just couldn't help it.

Well, that's all right, dearest.

We all know
business is business.

Daddy coming?

No, Daddy has to stay home

and wait for Aunt
Louise and Uncle Larry.

Ah-ah, remember,

just ordinary trick-or-treating.

No, uh... Darrin, I am shocked.

On Halloween?

This is amateur night.

Come on.

Have a good time.

Get lots of goodies.

Bye-bye.

Say bye-bye to Daddy.

Bye, Daddy.

Bye-bye.

Oh. My goodness.

Well, who are you?

My friends.

Well, your friends are
pretty scary, sweetheart.

If I didn't know
you were a goblin,

I would say you were
little Billy Watkins.

No?

Well, whoever you
are, would you like

to go trick-or-treating
with Tabatha?

Okay. Let's go.

I wanna go over there first.

Oh, no, sweetness.

We're not going anywhere
near them tonight.

I wanna go play with them.

Don't argue with Aunt
Gladys, sweetness.

There. One.

Two.

Three.

And four.

How's that? Oh, my.

What do you say?

Thank you.

You're very welcome, I'm sure.

Come on, sweetheart.

Come on.

Come along, kids.

Thank you, Mrs. Robinson.

Good night and
good hunting, children.

Tabatha, no!

No, you mustn't do that.

They did it.

Now, none of that, missy.

If you don't behave yourself,

I'm gonna have to take you home.

Let's go, kids.

Here. Now, scat.

I thought I told
you kids to beat it.

What the... How...
How did you do that?

Lady, that'll be
just about enough.

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

Here's your candy.

You can have the candy.

Just get 'em out of here!

Now, you children go on.

Tabatha has to go home.

She's not gonna

trick-or-treat anymore tonight.

Go on!

Listen here, young lady.

I've gotta get you home

before you psyche out
the entire neighborhood.

Oh, Tabatha, I am
surprised at you.

After I warned you
not to do any tricks.

Not me, Mommy... my friends.

Well, that just makes it worse.

Blaming it on other people.

All right, young lady.

You're going straight to bed.

Tabatha... w-who
are those children?

My friends from the book.

Oh, my stars!

Goblins and gremlins When I look

You'll be off the street
And back in the book

Oh!

Tabatha, can you get them back?

Funny Mommy.

Funny Mommy, naughty Tabatha.

All right. I'll be back

in just a minute
with your friends.

Sam and Tabatha
are out trick-or-treating.

They'll be back any minute.

Come on in the
kitchen, I'll fix you a drink.

Ohh.

Tommy!

Tommy!

Sweetness! Wait for Aunt Gladys.

Hey, he looks just like me.

Don't give me away.

We'll play a trick
on Aunt Gladys.

Boy, will she be surprised.

You mustn't run away
from Aunt Gladys like that.

We're trick-or-treating
together.

Come on.

My heavens. More
trick-or-treaters.

We've certainly
been busy tonight.

Haven't you been here before?

Answer the lady, sweetness.

Tommy's so shy.

Well, come right on in, Tommy.

I've got a fresh
chocolate cream pie

that's just about ready.

Come on. Wonderful.

Shh. Don't give me away.

Okay.

Okay, spooks, come on.

Come on, the fun's over.

Come out of there.

Hurry up.

I'm not sure

how to get you back
where you belong yet,

but I can sure keep
you out of the way

until I figure it out.

Hmm.

I have never been so disgraced

in all my life.

You are going straight home

and you are going
straight to bed.

I swear I don't know
what's happening

with children today.

All right now, Tabatha.

You be a good little girl

and put them back in the book.

If you put them back,

I'll let you play
with them tomorrow.

Play now.

Tabatha, you're just
being stubborn and willful.

Is that you, honey?

Daddy.

I'll be right down.

Oh, that's okay, sweetheart.

We'll come on up.

I want Larry and Louise to
see how cute Tabatha looks

in her costume.

All right, now, you spooks...
you behave yourself.

Oh, Tabatha, you
rea... I'm no spook.

Where did you come from?

What I don't understand
is how I got here.

Uh. Well, uh...

If... If you're here...
then the other one is...

Ohh!

I want to get out of here.

That makes two of us.

I want my Aunt Gladys.

By the long arm of disaster,

you don't mean the
Aunt Gladys Kravitz

that lives across the street?

I sure do.

Terrific.

Hi, Samantha.

Ah. Hi, Sam. Ha, ha, ha.

Oh, happy Halloween.

Oh, he'll celebrate anything.

Did you have fun, sweetheart?

Oh, uh, who do we have here?

Well, this is little Tommy

from across the street,

and those two are...

from out of this...
uh, neighborhood.

Aren't they cute?

Adorable.

And Tabatha looks
just like a tiger. Arr!

Sam made the costume herself.

And, uh... who
made your costume?

Aren't they cute?

I wanna go home.

Oh, well, yes, dear.

I'll... I'll call your
Aunt Gladys

in just a minute.

Now, sweetheart...
Uh, say good night

to Aunt Louise and Uncle Larry,

and kiss Daddy good night.

Good night, Tabatha.
Aren't they cute?

Night, night, Tabatha.

And how much would you charge

to haunt a house, hm?

Sam.

Sam, what's going on?

What are those... things?

Well, they're... Ooh!

Sam?

It would take forever
to explain, sweetheart.

But, uh, I-I'll straighten
everything out.

Y-y-you go and take
care of Larry and Louise.

Did Tabatha...?

Yes. Can't you...?

No.

No, it's wish craft.

She wished them into being,

and she's the only one

that can wish them
back in the book.

Great. You scoot.

Go on.

Yeah. Yes.

Oh, Tabatha.

How could a nice
little witch like you

get me into a great
big mess like this?

Mm.

All right, now, come on.

All of you. Come on, come on.

Hurry up. Hurry up.

March.

Tommy, you take
that mask off right now.

You just wait 'til I tell
your mother about this.

You just wait.

Abner!

Abner!

Come quick!

Abner! Abner!

Abner!

Something terrible's happened!

Tommy lost his head!

Why not? His Aunt
Gladys has lost her mind.

How can you eat
at a time like this?

I'm hungry.

Hello. Uh, Mrs. Kravitz?

Uh, this is Mrs. Stephens.

Um, I was wondering,
did you and Tommy

get home all right
from trick-or-treating?

What have you done to my Tommy?

Well, I... I don't know

what you mean, Mrs. Kravitz.

I certainly didn't have
anything to do with it.

This time you've gone too far.

If my Tommy isn't back
to normal immediately,

I'll call the authorities.

Humph.

Tommy.

Tommy!

Abner! Abner, he's gone!

Tommy's gone!

She's got him!

Good, I hope she keeps him.

Now, I don't know whether
you understand this or not,

but you take one
step out of this kitchen,

and you'll wish you hadn't.

Well, huh... everything's
under control.

Uh, Mrs. Kravitz is coming over

to pick up Tommy,

and I guess I'll
just have to get

the other children home.

There you are, Larry.

Thanks.

Uh, dinner ought to be
ready, um, pretty soon.

I'm not a spook.

I'm just a little kid.

I wanna go home.

I'm just a little kid.

Where is he? Where is he?

What have you done with him?

Uh, calm down, Mrs. Kravitz.

Tommy!

Tommy!

Tommy, it's all right!

It's all right. It's
your Auntie Gladys.

Where have you put him?

Uh... you know our
neighbor, Mrs. Kravitz.

Sometimes on Halloween,
she, uh... gets fits.

I don't know if the rest
of you are peculiar too,

but this woman has
stolen my nephew.

A-a-and if I don't find him,

she's gonna turn him
into a frog or something.

"Fits" is putting it mildly.

Would you care for
a drink, Mrs. Kravitz?

No, thank you. I
just want Tommy.

Oh. N-now, Mrs. Kravitz,

there's nothing to worry about.

Uh, Tommy's in the kitchen.

He was wearing the same costume

as one of the other children,

and he got mixed up

and came here by mistake.

Uh, that's all there is to it.

In the kitchen.

In the kitchen?

In the kitchen.

Tommy!

Where... Where are you?

Aunt Gladys. Help.

Tommy.

Tommy. Tommy, darling.

What have they done to you?

They turned you into a goat.

That's my nephew!

Marvelous.

Get away from him.

Shoo! Shoo!

Please, Mrs...
Uh. U-uh... Oh. Oh!

Larry. Larry! Oh.

Oh, honey! Oh.

Ah! Larry.

Oh!

Come back here.

I tell you, she turned
my nephew into a goat.

Right in the kitchen.

And he won't come out.

Oh, what'll I tell my sister?

You say there's a goat in there?

There.

That's a goat, all right.

Oh, Tommy.

Tommy. Come home.

I want Abner to see this.

He's a cute little kid.

Tell 'em. Tell 'em.

This time I have a witness.

Now Abner will believe me.

She's right.

There's a goat in the kitchen.

Don't worry, Tommy.

You won't remember a thing.

Okay, come on.

Hi, Aunt Gladys.

Ah!

Tabatha, now, please listen.

I know what a
wonderful feeling it is

to be part of the
magical life, but...

But you're just gonna
have to try and understand

that we're living
in a world that...

Well, it isn't quite
ready for us yet.

I'm afraid they may never be.

So I'm gonna have
to be very firm with you

and insist that you wish your
friends back into this book.

It's very important to Daddy.

Daddy?

Yes.

Gremlin home.

Goblin home.

They're home.

Aw. That's a good girl.

Yes.

Tommy... sweetness,

tell them you were a goat,

with horns and whiskers.

Huh?

Tell them there was a goat.

I didn't see any goat.

But you said...

I was just trying to be polite.

Well, I... I sent the
other children home.

I guess I'd better get
started with dinner.

I wanna go home.

Yes, Tommy. Let's go home.

And I'll have some
of my medicine.

Hey, there's that little
jack-o'-lantern kid again.

And I think you've had
enough of your medicine.

There's nothing like
a nice, normal, quiet,

mortal Halloween.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

Well, at least Louise is happy.

Larry's on the wagon.

Oh.

Look at this.

There's a grizzly bear
loose in this house.

Uh, wait a minute. Um-hmm.

Not quite.

Phew.

Oh, no. No. Let her keep it.

At least it's a step
in the right direction.