Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 4, Episode 2 - Toys in Babeland - full transcript

Yes. Oh, that's a good girl.
Yes, she's Grandmama's good girl.

Well, how are we doing?

Did anyone ever tell you that
this child is positively incredible?

You tell her something,
and she never forgets it.

Now watch.
Tabatha, stay right there.

Now, watch Grandmama.

Who is the prettiest little lady
in the whole wide world?

Grandmama.

I believe in telling a child
the absolute truth.

Did anyone ever tell you that you
are impossibly endearing?

Now, you run along and have a nice
lunch with what's-his-name.



I'm not having lunch
with what's-his-name.

- You're not?
- No. I'm having lunch with Darrin.

Now, Mother, one last thing.

Please remember, no witchcraft
in front of Tabatha.

You know how it upsets him.

Who?

What's-his-name.

Bye-bye, love. Be a good girl
and take care of Grandmama.

You hear what she said?

Now, shall we pick out
a nice toy to play with?

- What about the soldier?
- No.

- Or the drummer?
- No.

What about the teddy bear?

Oh, Tabatha.
Tabatha, how marvellous.



Especially when you consider...

the discouraging atmosphere
around here.

What a pretty little doll.
You're doing very well, Tabatha.

Well, about time. Know how long
I been tracking you down?

Do you have a message for me?

Appears there's a big to-do
in your honour at the Taj Mahal.

Expecting a couple thousand guests,
the way I heard.

Oh, fiddle-faddle. I know all that.
It's next week.

No, it ain't. It's been moved
up to today, 11:00.

Oh, how dreadful. All those people
expecting me...

and here I am sitting with a baby.

Well, appears to me you've got plenty
of babysitters.

Pick any one of them toys, put a spell
on it, and you've got yourself a sitter.

Of course. You're absolutely right.

Thank you
for an excellent suggestion.

Don't thank me. Just leave
a forwarding address next time.

Well... There.

I think this is a nice babysitter.

Now watch, Tabatha.
Watch Grandmama.

Say hello to your babysitter.

Hi.

Isn't that fun, Tabatha?

Would you care to take
the busby off?

Or are you more comfortable
with it on?

It's a shame we can't make you talk,
but as long as you understand...

I suppose you'll do.

Now look, the juice
is in the refrigerator.

She takes it at 11,
and she naps at 1.

And if there's anything you need,
just ring, and I'll pop right back.

All right?

Have fun, love bug.

Juice.

Drink.

Juice. Drink.

I'll just walk you to the elevator,
Bob, and then...

- Darrin. How are you, boy?
- Hello, Bob.

- Samantha, what a pleasant surprise.
- Nice to see you, Bob. Hi, Larry.

- Hi, Sam. You two know each other?
- Why certainly. We're old friends.

I'm just taking Samantha to lunch.

- What's the occasion?
- They don't need one.

They're not married that long.

Well, I guess I'll be running along.
See you tonight. Right?

Right. About 7:30.

- Larry.
- Bob.

- Well...
- Darrin, can you spare me a second...

- before you go?
- Sure, Lar.

Be right back, honey.

I read your memo
on the MacGregor account.

Got some good points.

You mentioned that this morning,
Larry.

Oh, yes. Yeah, that's right.

What are you seeing Chase about?

Nothing. He's just coming
to dinner.

So Chase is having dinner
with you, huh?

Well, actually, I'm just returning
an obligation.

- He had us to dinner a few weeks ago.
- Oh, really? He had you to dinner?

It was really more of a buffet.

- I'm sorry, Larry.
- About what?

It's part of your job
to entertain clients.

- I'm glad you feel that way.
- Glad you mention it, though...

because Louise and I were thinking
of dropping in on you tonight.

I wish you would. Please.
You know you're always welcome.

If we were welcome, you'd have invited
us to dinner.

I am inviting you to dinner.
Will you please come to dinner?

- Darrin, I wouldn't dream of horning in.
- We'd love to have you horn in. Come.

- Absolutely not.
- Please.

- Forget it.
- I insist.

- I refuse.
- Well, if you're sure.

- What time?
- Seven-thirty.

Thank you, Larry.
I'm glad I talked you into it.

Hello?

Hello?

Honey.

You wouldn't believe what
went on in Larry's office.

I finally had to invite them
to dinner tonight.

What's the matter?

Well, I just called the house...

and it sounded like someone
picked up the phone...

but nobody said hello.

Nobody said hello?

Mother.

Mother?

Do you want to tell me again
how responsible your mother is?

Well...

No.

I can't understand how this
could happen.

But I'm sure it's nothing
to be concerned about.

I'll just change everything
back the way it was.

Are you sure you can...?

- Oh, sure I'm sure.
- Okay. Okay.

The only thing I'm not sure
about is how.

Now pay attention, all of you.

Look me right in the eye.

That goes for you too, Farley.

Now concentrate. Listen.

One re or re ickery Ann
Phillison folison, Nicholas John

Queevy quavy, English Navy
Stiglam, staglam, rack

B-A-C-K spells "back"
And back goes you

Marvellous.

- No luck?
- Oh, honey, it's no use.

I've tried every spell I know.
I've even made up a few.

Mother's the only one
who can change them back.

Now look, while I try and locate her,
you better hide all of Tabatha's toys.

You mean, you think
maybe Tabatha...?

Could be.

You know something, Sam?
I'm a medical phenomenon.

- What do you mean by that?
- I don't have an ulcer.

Oh, Darrin, hurry up.

Oh, Mother. Where could she be?

I'm sorry to have to do this to you,
sweetheart...

but until you unlearn
what your grandma taught you...

it's got to be done.

Sorry, honey.

- Well?
- No, I can't seem to locate her.

So we'll just have to wait
till she gets back.

- Meanwhile, we'd better cancel dinner.
- I already have.

- Sort of.
- Sort of?

Well, I called Larry and left
a message with Louise.

Luckily Larry wasn't there.
But the Chases are coming.

What do I tell them when they get
here? Welcome to Disneyland?

Don't worry, sweetheart. We'll keep
them locked in the guest room.

You don't understand.
Those things...

running around in there
make me nervous.

Just because I don't have an ulcer
now doesn't mean I can't get one.

Hi, hon.

Hi.

A little wine for our hosts.

They just called. The dinner's off.
It's something about Tabatha.

- What's wrong?
- Well, Darrin wasn't too clear...

but he said it's nothing serious,
one of those 24-hour things.

- That's a shame.
- I'm sure she'll be fine.

No, I mean about the dinner.

I was looking forward to spending
the evening with Bob Chase.

Did you know he had Sam and Darrin
to dinner a few weeks ago?

Well, what about it?

Well, I'm not saying that I suspect
him of anything...

but he has been getting awfully
chummy with one of our best clients.

And it wouldn't be the first time that
somebody started his own agency...

with a stolen client.

You know something, Larry?
You're sick.

Really? I'd rather be sick than sorry.

Hey, you know the Chases
will be high and dry too.

Why don't I give them a call
and invite them out to dinner.

Good suggestion.

Larry.

Just remember this: Chase's billings
come to over 10 million.

Hello, this is Larry Tate.
May I speak to Bob Chase, please?

How about Mrs. Chase?

Well, do you know where I can
reach them?

I see. No, thanks.
I know the number.

Sick, huh?

I'm sure there must be
some explanation.

You bet there is. Darrin doesn't want
me there with Chase.

Look, will you stop exaggerating.

I'll fix us a nice dinner,
and we'll open the wine. Okay?

That wine is too expensive
for us to drink.

I bought it to impress Chase.

Anyway, I'm not hungry.

I'm restless. I think I'll go out
for a little ride.

Larry, just promise me you're
not gonna do anything foolish.

- Like what?
- Like going by Darrin's to check.

You think I'm gonna barge
in there...

- and make a fool of myself?
- Well, I should hope not.

I'll just drive by and see
what I can see from the street.

When your mother gets back...

she's gonna hear a few thousand
well-chosen words from me.

Darrin, that's it.

Mother knows you're angry,
so she's afraid to come back.

- That's not it.
- I don't think so.

I'm sure it was something
terribly important that took her away.

I never thought I'd be mad
about her being taken away.

The only good thing
that's happened...

is that Larry wasn't home when
I called. Sometimes he's like a kid.

Oh, my goodness!

A costume party.

Just hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

Hold it! Everybody upstairs!
Everybody upstairs!

We'll get these upstairs,
lock them in...

and then come back for the others.
Oh, my goodness.

Hello there.

Quite a party.

Say, did you happen to run
into Bob Chase in there?

And she calls me sick.

Say, don't I know you?

Wait a minute.

You work for me, don't you?

I thought so.

You must be the new man
in Accounting, right?

Now don't tell me the name.
I'll get it.

Max Hopkins, right?

I never forget an employee's name.
Never.

Confidentially, Max...

has Darrin asked you to join
his new agency?

Well, that's it,
except for the soldier.

I'll go get him. You check Tabatha.

Let's you and I have a little
discussion. But not here.

Let's go some place
and have a drink. Okay?

Okay, Max, watch your hat.
Off we go.

Oh, my stars.

Well, they're all locked up,
and Tabatha's asleep.

Now, if your mother would
only get back.

What about the soldier?
Did you find him?

- Sort of.
- What do you mean by that?

- He left.
- He left?!

I tell you, Max. You work and slave
to build up an organization...

and then what happens?
One sour apple comes along...

and the barrel goes down the drain.
Know what I mean?

Gotta say one thing for you, Max.

You're a darn good listener.

Very good quality in a man.

- What's that?
- We get all kinds in here.

From the normal
to the mentally insane.

Happy Times Bar.
Joe the mixologist speaking.

Is Larry Tate there with a fellow
in costume?

Yeah, they're here.

Good. Keep them there.

I'll do the best I can. Bye.

- That's where they are.
- You were lucky.

You only had to call about 20
of Larry's favourite bars.

Yeah, but now that I've found him,
what am I gonna tell him?

Drink up, Max.

You're gonna go far with McMann &
Tate because one thing we value...

Well, well, well, if it isn't
speak-of-the-devil.

Larry, I've got to talk to you.

There's nothing to talk about.
All been said and done.

Come on, Max.
This place is getting crowded.

You stay there, Max.
Now look, Larry.

Max?

No use pretending. Max has already
told me that you asked him...

to join your new agency.

How could he tell you...?
What new agency?

Will you stop it?

The one you're raiding my staff...

and stealing my clients
to open is the one.

- Check. Check, please.
- But, Larry...

Here, this should cover it.

I suppose you think
that's gonna make up...

for stabbing me in the back,
you Brutus.

Larry, doesn't it seem odd to you
that Max, as you call him...

hasn't said a word all evening?

Well, some people don't
have small talk.

But he's a great listener.
You could take a lesson from him.

Larry, he's not human.

Now you're going overboard.
I'll admit he's kind of dull, but...

I'm trying to tell you something.
He's a doll.

Well, make up your mind.
Either you like him, or you don't.

Larry, please. Sit down, please.
Please sit down.

Samantha's mother was babysitting
for us today.

And, Larry, you're not going
to believe this, but she...

Hi, Larry.

- Did you see that?
- I didn't see anything.

- What are you talking about?
- Nothing.

- I'll have a double this time.
- I'll have one too.

Excuse us, Larry.

- Where did she come from?
- Beats me.

The toys got away again.
But fortunately, Mother arrived...

and took care of them.

What's going on here?

Larry thinks we're having
a costume party.

And he thinks that he's
an employee...

and that I'm trying to steal him and
Bob Chase to open my own agency.

- But that's crazy.
- I know.

But how do we convince Larry?

I know. Mother gave me the spell,
so I'll just change him back to toy size.

- Right here?
- Believe me.

It's the only way
to straighten Larry out.

Now you go keep him busy
for a minute.

I'll have another drink.

So Max told you everything,
huh, Larry?

Yeah.

And for your information,
he's going to stick with me.

Well, Larry, if you don't mind,
I'd like to get that straight from Max.

All right.

Max, I want you to tell
Benedict Arnold...

I want you to tell...

You mean...

I've spent the whole evening
talking to a toy soldier?

I'm afraid so, Larry.

Cute little fellow, isn't he?

- Here's the drink you ordered.
- Are you kidding?

I'm off that stuff for good.

And I'm taking this...

to remind me.

Larry, perhaps we ought to drive
you home.

Oh, don't I know it.

Time like this, you find out
who your real friends are.

Right, Max?

Come on, Larry. Come on.

I don't know why you're still angry.
Everything turned out all right.

Mother apologized all over the place.
First time she's ever done that.

The point is, Tabatha can still put
a spell on her toys.

What are we going to do about that?

Well, we'll just have to teach her
not to...

the way we teach her how not to do
other bad things, like throwing things...

Turning toys into people
is not like throwing things.

Sweetheart, I had a talk with her,
and I'm sure she really understands.

I hope you're right.

Isn't she a little doll?

Angel.

This is Tabatha.

Isn't that cute?

Want to talk to Daddy?

How about that? For me?

Telephone for you.

This is for my dad.

Thank you.

Hello. This is Daddy speaking.

Who is this?

Pittsburgh?

Excuse the call.

Well, isn't that wonderful?

I mean, I couldn't do that
until I was 5 years old.

Sam, our daughter just made a
long-distance call on a toy telephone.

Doesn't that bother you?

Darrin, I love you.

Daddy mad.

Besides, if the phone company
doesn't find out...

what difference does it make?

Not mad anymore.