Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 4, Episode 13 - The Solid Gold Mother-in-law - full transcript
After one altercation between himself and Endora too many, Darrin gives Samantha an ultimatum: him or her mother. With such an ultimatum, Endora can't resist but haunt Darrin in the form of an indestructible photograph of herself that she places on his desk at work. That photograph plays into the thoughts of Darrin's potential new client, Mr. Gregson of Gregson Home Appliances. His company's image is of the perfect American home, and he figures that if Darrin has a photograph of his mother-in-law on his desk, he must have the perfect American home. As such, Larry forces a reluctant Darrin to hold a small dinner for them and Endora at his perfect house. The question becomes whether Endora will show up and if she does whether she will help or hinder Darrin's chances at getting the account. Endora's mere presence has an unexpected negative consequence, that may potentially only be resolved through witchcraft.
Mother?
Mother, where are you?
I'm upstairs,
dear, with Tabatha.
Come on, come on here.
Let's take Tabatha for a long...
Wait till you see
the cute dress I got...
Mother!
Cute dress you
bought where, darling?
Horsy go.
Mother, how could you?
You asked me to
entertain Tabatha.
Not with a horse.
Why, every little girl
should have a pony.
You had one.
Not in the house.
Probably you've forgotten.
Your pony had wings.
Pegasus?
But that's not the point.
Suppose Darrin came
home unexpectedly,
and saw a pony stomping about.
He isn't likely to come home
and see a pony stomping around.
He is the pony.
Oh, no!
Mother, you're joking.
You're joking, aren't you?
You're not joking?
Oh!
Mother, this is the worst thing
you have ever done.
And considering the
past, that's saying a lot.
I couldn't help it.
He came home
and had the
effrontery to tell me
I didn't know how
to look after Tabatha.
Turn him back.
I made a few
rather witty remarks
about his stupidity,
and then he accused
me of riding him.
Turn him back!
So I showed him what it was like
to be really ridden.
Ow!
Oh! Him and his
childish tantrums.
Now, sweetheart, come here.
Now, listen.
Don't do anything
that'll make Mother mad.
She might do
something even worse.
Now, sweetheart,
the thing to remember
is that I love you.
Oh, how revolting.
Oh.
Oh, now, Darrin.
Darrin, d-d-don't
say anything, please.
I mean, just don't
say anything...
I have no intention of
speaking to your mother.
I have only one thing to say,
and that is to you.
Well, fine, you can say
anything you want to me.
Yell at me, scream at me...
Either your mother gets out
of this house and stays out,
or I do.
Oh, now, Darrin.
Until she goes, I
don't come back.
Well, we're rid of him.
You heard what he said. Out!
Well, at the moment I can
think of a number of places
I'd rather be.
Good.
But I have a sweet
and forgiving nature.
I might even do
something nice for Darwin,
such as a peace offering.
Oh, that would be
a very good idea.
Now, what should it be?
Something nice.
Something very, very nice.
If there's one thing
I do pride myself on,
it's my imagination.
And in conclusion, may I say
that we will handle your account
with all the thoroughness
and attention
that we have in the past.
It...
With all the thoroughness...
With all the
thoroughness and attention
that we have in the past.
It has been our ex...
Aah! Ow!
Mr. Stephens.
Uh, yes?
That perfume company in Paris,
the one you did the ads for?
They sent you a sample
of their new perfume,
Hallucination.
Tell me what you think of it.
I tried that new perfume.
Hm.
What do you think?
I think... Hallucination
is a very good name for it.
Mr. Stephens?
Are you all right?
Oh, that, uh, perfume's
got quite a kick.
Makes you feel like
jumping up and down.
I think I'd better get
it out of the building.
Mr. Gregson, I'd
like you to meet
one of our bright young men,
Darrin Stephens.
Darrin, I don't have to tell you
who Mr. Gregson is.
No, indeed. How do
you do, Mr. Gregson?
How do you do, young man?
What happened to your desk?
Uh, they're not making wood
the way they used to.
Something must have
gone against the grain.
Won't you sit down, Mr. Gregson.
Pull up a chair,
Larry. Thank you.
I was discussing with Mr. Tate
how we'd handle your account
if you decide to come with us.
I've definitely
severed relations
with my present agency.
They don't understand my image.
If I may say so, Mr. Gregson,
your image is the American home.
And if I may say so,
Gregson Home Appliances
should be synonymous with
that perfect American home.
I never had one as a
child. I was an orphan.
So you see, the perfect home
is sort of a dream of mine.
An ideal.
Uh...
Your wife?
Oh, no.
Mother?
No, uh... My mother-in-law. Oh.
Moth...?
That's fantastic.
Absolutely fantastic.
In all my life, I don't
believe I've ever seen
a man with a picture of his
mother-in-law on his desk.
Lately, I've been taking
it with me everyplace I go.
She must be a treasure.
You must adore her.
Well, uh, let's put it this way.
She's the sort of woman
who's, uh, hard to resist.
I'd like to meet her.
Uh, as a matter of fact, my
wife and I are having dinner
with the Stephenses tonight.
You are?
Perhaps you could join us.
Oh, no, no. As much as I'd
like to meet his mother-in-law,
I wouldn't think of intruding.
I'm running late.
It's been nice
meeting you, Stephens.
Mr. Gregson.
I'll be talking to
you later, Larry.
Give us a ring any time.
I'll do that.
Bye, Mr. Gregson Bye, Larry.
How could you look so dumb
when I said we were
coming to dinner?
Well, I didn't know you were.
We weren't.
But when Mr. $10-Million-
Worth-of-Advertising
says he'd like to meet
your mother-in-law, we are.
Now, when I talk to him
later, I'm going to tell him
that Samantha absolutely
insists on his coming,
and that your mother-in-law
is dying to meet him.
Uh, she isn't.
She may have other plans, uh...
What's the matter, Larry?
Just thinking...
how bare this office would look
without your desk.
How forlorn this hat rack
would look without your hat.
Darrin, please reconsider.
Don't leave the
company. We need you.
We love you.
At least while you're with us.
Larry, I refuse
to be intimidated.
Oh? By a simple
little dinner party
with your best
friend and his wife
and a business associate?
Well, as long as you're
putting it that way...
We'd love to have you and Louise
and Mr. Gregson for dinner.
But that won't guarantee
that my mother-in-law
will be there.
Darrin, I know you'll do
the very best you can.
You son of a gun.
You son of a gun.
In spite of what you heard,
you are not invited
to dinner tonight.
Thank you.
I'd love to come.
Y...!
They should be here any minute.
Sweetheart, will
you stop worrying?
I am sure under
the circumstances
Mother will not show up.
Mother.
You called?
I thought I heard my name.
Thanks for popping in, Endora.
Now do me a favor. Pop out!
Shh...!
But I thought I was
doing you a favor
by being here to meet
the charming Mr. Gregson.
Samantha...!
Will you kindly ask your mother
what makes her think
our marriage certificate
is her deed to my house?
Now, wait a minute,
sweetheart. I...
Both of you.
Perhaps under the circumstances,
it might be a good
idea if Mother stayed.
Huh?
If you promise to
behave yourself.
But of course.
And if you apologize to Darrin
for what happened this morning.
I regret my slight
transgression of this morning,
however deserved.
That's an apology?
Mm. For Mother, it is.
Okay. But no funny business.
Witch's honor.
There they are. I'll get it.
Mother, try and
keep the conversation
on a domestic level.
Louise! Hi, Darrin.
Darrin.
Hello, Sam. How are you?
Endora, how nice
to see you again!
Mr. Tate.
Honey, this is Mr. Gregson.
Oh, Mr. Gregson,
I can't tell you
what a pleasure
it is to meet you.
Up until now, all I've
met is your name.
Oh, it's on our vacuum cleaner,
and our dishwasher.
Almost everything we own.
That's very flattering.
I've been looking
forward to meeting you.
And your mother.
Endora, I'd like you
to meet Mr. Gregson.
How do you do?
How do you do, Mr. Gregson?
And may I say you look
even more lovely in person
than in your photograph.
Oh, not only may you say so,
but you can repeat it
as often as you wish.
More coffee, Mr. Gregson?
No, thank you, my dear.
I was just telling Darrin
how much I admire
his frank display of affection.
Your picture on his desk.
I would never have
been so egotistical
as to have given it to him.
He must have stolen it.
Do you have your
mother-in-law's picture
on your desk, Mr. Tate?
Oh, I can answer that.
No.
Uh, I happen to
be the kind of man
that likes a clean desk.
Perfectly clean.
Clear head, clean desk.
Darrin can be so gallant.
He was so complimentary
to Mother tonight
about her dinner dress.
Endora has exquisite taste.
I'm sure your husband
is just as complimentary
to your mother, Mrs. Tate?
Oh, yes.
Yes, indeed.
Darrin and I are
exactly alike in that.
As a matter of fact,
I wouldn't be surprised if
he picked it up from me.
He sees my mother-in-law
at our house so often.
We're a very close family.
You can drop in at
our house anytime,
and there she is.
She practically lives with us.
Oh, I-I wouldn't say that.
And I wouldn't have
it any other way.
Because when it
comes to mothers-in-law,
I can safely say
that mine is really...
something else.
Ow!
Oh, excuse me, dear.
I was just crossing my legs.
Um, excuse us.
The light's better
in the living room.
I want to make sure I
haven't broken the skin.
It's a wonder you
didn't break my leg.
Will you stop with
those thinly-veiled insults
about my mother. Shh!
I've got a million-dollar
client in there,
and you're carrying
on about your mother.
I don't care! I will not listen
to you insult my mother.
Even subtly.
Louise!
No, I'm not leaving.
I wouldn't give
you the satisfaction.
Excuse me.
Nothing to be alarmed about.
Just an attack of nerves.
Louise had a little tiff
with her hairdresser
this afternoon, and...
Tate, there's no point in
beating around the bush.
I don't think you
understand my image.
I certainly do, Mr. Gregson.
The perfect American home.
You can't have a perfect home
without a harmonious family.
Perfection, Mr. Gregson,
is something that grows,
like a flower garden.
Yours seems to be full of weeds.
Not every son-in-law
is as cuddly as
Darr-Darr and I are.
Right. And that's
what's given me an idea.
Darrin, suppose I
were to set you up
in an advertising
agency of your own.
What?! Turn my
account over to you.
I appreciate it, Mr. Gregson,
but it's out of the question.
Larry here is the genius.
I couldn't handle it.
I'm just a routine workhorse.
Oh, I wouldn't say routine.
He's a fine workhorse.
On the other hand, Mr. Gregson,
my son-in-law does
understand your image.
Right!
He not only
understands my image,
he lives it.
Darrin, think it over.
I already have thought it over.
Larry is the brains.
He's the greatest
advertising man.
Right.
He is so modest.
Yes, and I admire
that in a man too.
Darrin, y... Oh, my!
What's the matter, Mr. Gregson?
Oh, migraine.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Well, unpleasant scenes
like this always bring it on.
Trouble is, my
medicine's at home.
I'm terribly sorry,
but I'm afraid
I'll have to leave.
Good night, dear lady.
Until we meet again.
Yes. Yes.
Mr. Gregson.
Mr. Gregson.
Good night, gentlemen.
Well, my boy.
Congratulations.
What are you talking about?
Very clever.
In no time at all
you took a $10 million account
away from McMann & Tate
and opened your own agency.
Don't be silly.
He was the one who suggested it.
You played up to his weakness.
Larry, may I remind you
that you're the one who insisted
on bringing him here tonight.
Ah, that's where you
showed real cunning.
Without me even suspecting it,
you made me think the
whole thing was my idea.
Everything's just fine now.
It is?
Yes, Louise is
feeling much better.
We're leaving.
Oh, and Louise,
in this house, walk with
your back to the wall,
if you don't want a knife in it.
Larry!
I'll explain later.
Come on. Come on.
What happened?
Well... Oh, yes. One more thing.
Be sure and let us know
where to forward your mail.
What's so funny?
That's what I
love about mortals.
They can get themselves
into such hilarious messes
without my even lifting a finger
to cast a spell.
Endora!
Just call me Mother.
Sweetheart?
Good morning, darling.
Good morning and good news.
Mother dropped
in to say goodbye.
She's on her way to Paris.
She wanted to select
some new designs
that her couturier
hasn't thought of yet.
That's marvelous, sweetheart.
Thank you, honey.
There she goes.
And there goes a
whole night's work.
I've been lining up a
campaign for Mr. Gregson.
He'll love it.
It's in tune with
everything he stands for.
Image, image, image.
What time is it, darling?
Nearly 9.
I have to get
down to the office.
I want to go over
this stuff with Larry.
Oh, thank goodness.
For a minute I thought
maybe you'd taken last night
a little too seriously.
Of course not.
Larry was just mad.
And I don't blame him.
Gregson did give him a bad time.
You know what I'm going to do?
What?
I'm going to give him credit
for this whole campaign.
Why, he didn't have
anything to do with it.
But that's how we
are with one another.
The doorbell.
Probably Larry,
come to apologize.
Mr. Stephens,
Mr. Tate said to deliver
your office furniture here.
Uh... Put it in the garage.
So that's how it is.
While I'm slaving in
there to save his account,
he's throwing my
furniture out of my office.
Sweetheart, maybe
if you talked to...
I have no intention of
ever speaking to him again.
I'm going to take
those advertising ideas
down to see Mr. Gregson.
I'm going to open my own office.
Oh, now, Darrin, don't
do anything you'll regret.
I've always been the
brains of that outfit.
It's just time I proved it.
Sweetheart.
You... Oh.
Fiddle-de-dee And fiddle-de-dum
Let witchcraft
work And let it hum
Give all the credit
To Larry Tate
As Darrin wanted Before his hate
Magnificent.
Unbelievable.
Absolutely brilliant.
You know, without a doubt,
this is the greatest
advertising presentation
I have ever seen.
I brought it to you, sir,
because I'd knew
you'd see its value.
It has... It has my image.
You know, last night
you said that Larry Tate was
the brains of your company.
Oh, well...
One is expected to say
such things at a time like that.
I regard humility as a virtue.
Well, the man who
can do work like this
is the man for me.
And the man who did
that is at your disposal.
Good.
Let's go see him.
Hm?
I was prepared to
set you up in business,
but you quite
simply and honestly
gave me evidence that I
should stick with McMann & Tate.
Me?
You have the image all right,
but Tate has the brains
and the know-how.
And when you get right
down to the nitty-gritty,
never mind the image,
I'll take the brains every time.
Do you know any other person
who could do work like that?
Excuse me, sir.
"Larry Tate," hm?
"Larry Tate."
"Larry Tate."
No, I know of only one person
who can do work like that.
Darrin could have
taken advantage of me.
He could have let me believe
that he was the
brains of this company.
But, no.
He simply showed me
the magnificent ideas
you'd come up with.
Well, I-I have so
many brilliant ideas
that sometimes I
forget some of them.
You have a fine young man
following in your footsteps.
His noble footsteps.
Well, we can discuss
these ideas later.
Drop in my office
this afternoon.
I certainly will.
Mr. Gregson. Darrin.
Goodbye, Larry.
Bye-bye.
You put my name to your work?
After I fired you,
and then threw
your furniture out?
Just remember that
the next time you
want to fire me.
There won't be a next time.
Darrin,
I want to do something
wonderful for you.
You name it.
Oh, it isn't necessary.
No, no, no, no. Name it.
I'll let you name it.
How does this sound?
McMann, Tate & Stephens.
It sounds sensational.
Well, one of these days,
a few years from now,
if you follow in my footsteps,
that's the way
it's going to read.
Couldn't happen to a better man.
That's what I admire
about you, Larry.
That's why you're
the brains of this outfit.
You dream big.
Oh, no.
Oh, Mother,
you've done it again.
Come on, sweetheart.
Get off Daddy's back.
Darrin, darling.
Sweetheart,
did something happen
while I was out?
Did you get into
another argument?
Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Sam.
Yes.
Oh!
Darrin.
That pony is shedding.
I thought it was you.
Yesterday, it was.
Oh, and Tabatha loved it so much
that you bought her one.
No, I didn't.
Oh?
All right, Tabatha.
Where did it come from?
Excuse me.
Come on, Tabatha.
That's a girl.
Ah!
The pony is on me.
That I'd like to see.
Darrin.
Honey, we cannot accept a gift
that is conjured
up by witchcraft.
Oh, really, Derrick!
Why, sometimes, you
know, you're positively quaint.
Endora, I refuse to discuss
it. The ingratitude of mortals.
We have a rule in this house...
It never ceases to amaze me.
I'm getting tired
of all this arguing.
You're constantly
coming in here,
and, boom, explosions, animals
running around all the time.
Darrin!
Oh, please! Please!
Mother, where are you?
I'm upstairs,
dear, with Tabatha.
Come on, come on here.
Let's take Tabatha for a long...
Wait till you see
the cute dress I got...
Mother!
Cute dress you
bought where, darling?
Horsy go.
Mother, how could you?
You asked me to
entertain Tabatha.
Not with a horse.
Why, every little girl
should have a pony.
You had one.
Not in the house.
Probably you've forgotten.
Your pony had wings.
Pegasus?
But that's not the point.
Suppose Darrin came
home unexpectedly,
and saw a pony stomping about.
He isn't likely to come home
and see a pony stomping around.
He is the pony.
Oh, no!
Mother, you're joking.
You're joking, aren't you?
You're not joking?
Oh!
Mother, this is the worst thing
you have ever done.
And considering the
past, that's saying a lot.
I couldn't help it.
He came home
and had the
effrontery to tell me
I didn't know how
to look after Tabatha.
Turn him back.
I made a few
rather witty remarks
about his stupidity,
and then he accused
me of riding him.
Turn him back!
So I showed him what it was like
to be really ridden.
Ow!
Oh! Him and his
childish tantrums.
Now, sweetheart, come here.
Now, listen.
Don't do anything
that'll make Mother mad.
She might do
something even worse.
Now, sweetheart,
the thing to remember
is that I love you.
Oh, how revolting.
Oh.
Oh, now, Darrin.
Darrin, d-d-don't
say anything, please.
I mean, just don't
say anything...
I have no intention of
speaking to your mother.
I have only one thing to say,
and that is to you.
Well, fine, you can say
anything you want to me.
Yell at me, scream at me...
Either your mother gets out
of this house and stays out,
or I do.
Oh, now, Darrin.
Until she goes, I
don't come back.
Well, we're rid of him.
You heard what he said. Out!
Well, at the moment I can
think of a number of places
I'd rather be.
Good.
But I have a sweet
and forgiving nature.
I might even do
something nice for Darwin,
such as a peace offering.
Oh, that would be
a very good idea.
Now, what should it be?
Something nice.
Something very, very nice.
If there's one thing
I do pride myself on,
it's my imagination.
And in conclusion, may I say
that we will handle your account
with all the thoroughness
and attention
that we have in the past.
It...
With all the thoroughness...
With all the
thoroughness and attention
that we have in the past.
It has been our ex...
Aah! Ow!
Mr. Stephens.
Uh, yes?
That perfume company in Paris,
the one you did the ads for?
They sent you a sample
of their new perfume,
Hallucination.
Tell me what you think of it.
I tried that new perfume.
Hm.
What do you think?
I think... Hallucination
is a very good name for it.
Mr. Stephens?
Are you all right?
Oh, that, uh, perfume's
got quite a kick.
Makes you feel like
jumping up and down.
I think I'd better get
it out of the building.
Mr. Gregson, I'd
like you to meet
one of our bright young men,
Darrin Stephens.
Darrin, I don't have to tell you
who Mr. Gregson is.
No, indeed. How do
you do, Mr. Gregson?
How do you do, young man?
What happened to your desk?
Uh, they're not making wood
the way they used to.
Something must have
gone against the grain.
Won't you sit down, Mr. Gregson.
Pull up a chair,
Larry. Thank you.
I was discussing with Mr. Tate
how we'd handle your account
if you decide to come with us.
I've definitely
severed relations
with my present agency.
They don't understand my image.
If I may say so, Mr. Gregson,
your image is the American home.
And if I may say so,
Gregson Home Appliances
should be synonymous with
that perfect American home.
I never had one as a
child. I was an orphan.
So you see, the perfect home
is sort of a dream of mine.
An ideal.
Uh...
Your wife?
Oh, no.
Mother?
No, uh... My mother-in-law. Oh.
Moth...?
That's fantastic.
Absolutely fantastic.
In all my life, I don't
believe I've ever seen
a man with a picture of his
mother-in-law on his desk.
Lately, I've been taking
it with me everyplace I go.
She must be a treasure.
You must adore her.
Well, uh, let's put it this way.
She's the sort of woman
who's, uh, hard to resist.
I'd like to meet her.
Uh, as a matter of fact, my
wife and I are having dinner
with the Stephenses tonight.
You are?
Perhaps you could join us.
Oh, no, no. As much as I'd
like to meet his mother-in-law,
I wouldn't think of intruding.
I'm running late.
It's been nice
meeting you, Stephens.
Mr. Gregson.
I'll be talking to
you later, Larry.
Give us a ring any time.
I'll do that.
Bye, Mr. Gregson Bye, Larry.
How could you look so dumb
when I said we were
coming to dinner?
Well, I didn't know you were.
We weren't.
But when Mr. $10-Million-
Worth-of-Advertising
says he'd like to meet
your mother-in-law, we are.
Now, when I talk to him
later, I'm going to tell him
that Samantha absolutely
insists on his coming,
and that your mother-in-law
is dying to meet him.
Uh, she isn't.
She may have other plans, uh...
What's the matter, Larry?
Just thinking...
how bare this office would look
without your desk.
How forlorn this hat rack
would look without your hat.
Darrin, please reconsider.
Don't leave the
company. We need you.
We love you.
At least while you're with us.
Larry, I refuse
to be intimidated.
Oh? By a simple
little dinner party
with your best
friend and his wife
and a business associate?
Well, as long as you're
putting it that way...
We'd love to have you and Louise
and Mr. Gregson for dinner.
But that won't guarantee
that my mother-in-law
will be there.
Darrin, I know you'll do
the very best you can.
You son of a gun.
You son of a gun.
In spite of what you heard,
you are not invited
to dinner tonight.
Thank you.
I'd love to come.
Y...!
They should be here any minute.
Sweetheart, will
you stop worrying?
I am sure under
the circumstances
Mother will not show up.
Mother.
You called?
I thought I heard my name.
Thanks for popping in, Endora.
Now do me a favor. Pop out!
Shh...!
But I thought I was
doing you a favor
by being here to meet
the charming Mr. Gregson.
Samantha...!
Will you kindly ask your mother
what makes her think
our marriage certificate
is her deed to my house?
Now, wait a minute,
sweetheart. I...
Both of you.
Perhaps under the circumstances,
it might be a good
idea if Mother stayed.
Huh?
If you promise to
behave yourself.
But of course.
And if you apologize to Darrin
for what happened this morning.
I regret my slight
transgression of this morning,
however deserved.
That's an apology?
Mm. For Mother, it is.
Okay. But no funny business.
Witch's honor.
There they are. I'll get it.
Mother, try and
keep the conversation
on a domestic level.
Louise! Hi, Darrin.
Darrin.
Hello, Sam. How are you?
Endora, how nice
to see you again!
Mr. Tate.
Honey, this is Mr. Gregson.
Oh, Mr. Gregson,
I can't tell you
what a pleasure
it is to meet you.
Up until now, all I've
met is your name.
Oh, it's on our vacuum cleaner,
and our dishwasher.
Almost everything we own.
That's very flattering.
I've been looking
forward to meeting you.
And your mother.
Endora, I'd like you
to meet Mr. Gregson.
How do you do?
How do you do, Mr. Gregson?
And may I say you look
even more lovely in person
than in your photograph.
Oh, not only may you say so,
but you can repeat it
as often as you wish.
More coffee, Mr. Gregson?
No, thank you, my dear.
I was just telling Darrin
how much I admire
his frank display of affection.
Your picture on his desk.
I would never have
been so egotistical
as to have given it to him.
He must have stolen it.
Do you have your
mother-in-law's picture
on your desk, Mr. Tate?
Oh, I can answer that.
No.
Uh, I happen to
be the kind of man
that likes a clean desk.
Perfectly clean.
Clear head, clean desk.
Darrin can be so gallant.
He was so complimentary
to Mother tonight
about her dinner dress.
Endora has exquisite taste.
I'm sure your husband
is just as complimentary
to your mother, Mrs. Tate?
Oh, yes.
Yes, indeed.
Darrin and I are
exactly alike in that.
As a matter of fact,
I wouldn't be surprised if
he picked it up from me.
He sees my mother-in-law
at our house so often.
We're a very close family.
You can drop in at
our house anytime,
and there she is.
She practically lives with us.
Oh, I-I wouldn't say that.
And I wouldn't have
it any other way.
Because when it
comes to mothers-in-law,
I can safely say
that mine is really...
something else.
Ow!
Oh, excuse me, dear.
I was just crossing my legs.
Um, excuse us.
The light's better
in the living room.
I want to make sure I
haven't broken the skin.
It's a wonder you
didn't break my leg.
Will you stop with
those thinly-veiled insults
about my mother. Shh!
I've got a million-dollar
client in there,
and you're carrying
on about your mother.
I don't care! I will not listen
to you insult my mother.
Even subtly.
Louise!
No, I'm not leaving.
I wouldn't give
you the satisfaction.
Excuse me.
Nothing to be alarmed about.
Just an attack of nerves.
Louise had a little tiff
with her hairdresser
this afternoon, and...
Tate, there's no point in
beating around the bush.
I don't think you
understand my image.
I certainly do, Mr. Gregson.
The perfect American home.
You can't have a perfect home
without a harmonious family.
Perfection, Mr. Gregson,
is something that grows,
like a flower garden.
Yours seems to be full of weeds.
Not every son-in-law
is as cuddly as
Darr-Darr and I are.
Right. And that's
what's given me an idea.
Darrin, suppose I
were to set you up
in an advertising
agency of your own.
What?! Turn my
account over to you.
I appreciate it, Mr. Gregson,
but it's out of the question.
Larry here is the genius.
I couldn't handle it.
I'm just a routine workhorse.
Oh, I wouldn't say routine.
He's a fine workhorse.
On the other hand, Mr. Gregson,
my son-in-law does
understand your image.
Right!
He not only
understands my image,
he lives it.
Darrin, think it over.
I already have thought it over.
Larry is the brains.
He's the greatest
advertising man.
Right.
He is so modest.
Yes, and I admire
that in a man too.
Darrin, y... Oh, my!
What's the matter, Mr. Gregson?
Oh, migraine.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Well, unpleasant scenes
like this always bring it on.
Trouble is, my
medicine's at home.
I'm terribly sorry,
but I'm afraid
I'll have to leave.
Good night, dear lady.
Until we meet again.
Yes. Yes.
Mr. Gregson.
Mr. Gregson.
Good night, gentlemen.
Well, my boy.
Congratulations.
What are you talking about?
Very clever.
In no time at all
you took a $10 million account
away from McMann & Tate
and opened your own agency.
Don't be silly.
He was the one who suggested it.
You played up to his weakness.
Larry, may I remind you
that you're the one who insisted
on bringing him here tonight.
Ah, that's where you
showed real cunning.
Without me even suspecting it,
you made me think the
whole thing was my idea.
Everything's just fine now.
It is?
Yes, Louise is
feeling much better.
We're leaving.
Oh, and Louise,
in this house, walk with
your back to the wall,
if you don't want a knife in it.
Larry!
I'll explain later.
Come on. Come on.
What happened?
Well... Oh, yes. One more thing.
Be sure and let us know
where to forward your mail.
What's so funny?
That's what I
love about mortals.
They can get themselves
into such hilarious messes
without my even lifting a finger
to cast a spell.
Endora!
Just call me Mother.
Sweetheart?
Good morning, darling.
Good morning and good news.
Mother dropped
in to say goodbye.
She's on her way to Paris.
She wanted to select
some new designs
that her couturier
hasn't thought of yet.
That's marvelous, sweetheart.
Thank you, honey.
There she goes.
And there goes a
whole night's work.
I've been lining up a
campaign for Mr. Gregson.
He'll love it.
It's in tune with
everything he stands for.
Image, image, image.
What time is it, darling?
Nearly 9.
I have to get
down to the office.
I want to go over
this stuff with Larry.
Oh, thank goodness.
For a minute I thought
maybe you'd taken last night
a little too seriously.
Of course not.
Larry was just mad.
And I don't blame him.
Gregson did give him a bad time.
You know what I'm going to do?
What?
I'm going to give him credit
for this whole campaign.
Why, he didn't have
anything to do with it.
But that's how we
are with one another.
The doorbell.
Probably Larry,
come to apologize.
Mr. Stephens,
Mr. Tate said to deliver
your office furniture here.
Uh... Put it in the garage.
So that's how it is.
While I'm slaving in
there to save his account,
he's throwing my
furniture out of my office.
Sweetheart, maybe
if you talked to...
I have no intention of
ever speaking to him again.
I'm going to take
those advertising ideas
down to see Mr. Gregson.
I'm going to open my own office.
Oh, now, Darrin, don't
do anything you'll regret.
I've always been the
brains of that outfit.
It's just time I proved it.
Sweetheart.
You... Oh.
Fiddle-de-dee And fiddle-de-dum
Let witchcraft
work And let it hum
Give all the credit
To Larry Tate
As Darrin wanted Before his hate
Magnificent.
Unbelievable.
Absolutely brilliant.
You know, without a doubt,
this is the greatest
advertising presentation
I have ever seen.
I brought it to you, sir,
because I'd knew
you'd see its value.
It has... It has my image.
You know, last night
you said that Larry Tate was
the brains of your company.
Oh, well...
One is expected to say
such things at a time like that.
I regard humility as a virtue.
Well, the man who
can do work like this
is the man for me.
And the man who did
that is at your disposal.
Good.
Let's go see him.
Hm?
I was prepared to
set you up in business,
but you quite
simply and honestly
gave me evidence that I
should stick with McMann & Tate.
Me?
You have the image all right,
but Tate has the brains
and the know-how.
And when you get right
down to the nitty-gritty,
never mind the image,
I'll take the brains every time.
Do you know any other person
who could do work like that?
Excuse me, sir.
"Larry Tate," hm?
"Larry Tate."
"Larry Tate."
No, I know of only one person
who can do work like that.
Darrin could have
taken advantage of me.
He could have let me believe
that he was the
brains of this company.
But, no.
He simply showed me
the magnificent ideas
you'd come up with.
Well, I-I have so
many brilliant ideas
that sometimes I
forget some of them.
You have a fine young man
following in your footsteps.
His noble footsteps.
Well, we can discuss
these ideas later.
Drop in my office
this afternoon.
I certainly will.
Mr. Gregson. Darrin.
Goodbye, Larry.
Bye-bye.
You put my name to your work?
After I fired you,
and then threw
your furniture out?
Just remember that
the next time you
want to fire me.
There won't be a next time.
Darrin,
I want to do something
wonderful for you.
You name it.
Oh, it isn't necessary.
No, no, no, no. Name it.
I'll let you name it.
How does this sound?
McMann, Tate & Stephens.
It sounds sensational.
Well, one of these days,
a few years from now,
if you follow in my footsteps,
that's the way
it's going to read.
Couldn't happen to a better man.
That's what I admire
about you, Larry.
That's why you're
the brains of this outfit.
You dream big.
Oh, no.
Oh, Mother,
you've done it again.
Come on, sweetheart.
Get off Daddy's back.
Darrin, darling.
Sweetheart,
did something happen
while I was out?
Did you get into
another argument?
Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Sam.
Yes.
Oh!
Darrin.
That pony is shedding.
I thought it was you.
Yesterday, it was.
Oh, and Tabatha loved it so much
that you bought her one.
No, I didn't.
Oh?
All right, Tabatha.
Where did it come from?
Excuse me.
Come on, Tabatha.
That's a girl.
Ah!
The pony is on me.
That I'd like to see.
Darrin.
Honey, we cannot accept a gift
that is conjured
up by witchcraft.
Oh, really, Derrick!
Why, sometimes, you
know, you're positively quaint.
Endora, I refuse to discuss
it. The ingratitude of mortals.
We have a rule in this house...
It never ceases to amaze me.
I'm getting tired
of all this arguing.
You're constantly
coming in here,
and, boom, explosions, animals
running around all the time.
Darrin!
Oh, please! Please!