Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 3, Episode 6 - Endora Moves in for a Spell - full transcript
Endora and Uncle Arthur, who have as unloving a relationship as Endora and Darrin, both come by to visit Tabatha and Samantha. A war of words between the adult siblings leads to Endora vowing never to return, which is just fine with Arthur. But watching Arthur grandstand with her granddaughter is just too much for Endora to take, she who does return. She will not allow Arthur to monopolize Tabatha's time in what she considers a negative way. To be able to keep an eye on Arthur, Endora, using a little witchcraft, decides to erect a house on the vacant lot across the street, the house where she plans to live. Endora's move is too much for Arthur to take, he who will do whatever he needs to get rid of Endora. Caught in the middle are Samantha and Darrin, the former who realizes that their standoff can last forever as each has equal power. Samantha tries to use a little mortal logic to end the standoff. Also caught in the middle are a frightened Gladys Kravitz and the police, who try to understand how a house was built out of thin air on the empty lot.
Teddy bear!
Oh, really, Tabatha!
Mustn't twitch.
Lately you've been positively...
Mother?
Mother, have you been
encouraging her again?
I have told you that I will not
stand for any witchcraft in this house.
Especially where Tabatha's
concerned. Now, that's final!
I'm gonna have to have a very
serious talk with your grandmother.
Come now, Samantha. One more word about
that dreadful lady, and I'll have to go.
Oh, Uncle Arthur!
What are you doing in
there? I've been framed!
Oh, Uncle Arthur, it's
so good to see you.
Sammy dear, you just keep
getting prettier and prettier.
Oh! Where have you been?
It's been much too long.
It certainly has if you've started
making speeches to yourself.
Who do we have to thank for
that? The wicked witch of the West?
Uncle Arthur, you stop that.
I can see you haven't changed
a bit. Neither have your jokes.
Teddy bear.
Uncle Arthur's here, sweetie.
[Chuckling] Oh,
Sammy, she's beautiful!
Well, I wouldn't say that.
But I'm awfully glad to hear you
say it, or anyone else for that matter.
There's your little bear.
And how's my... darling sister?
I gather from the speech
you were rehearsing,
she's playing the grand
"smother-in-law" right to the hilt.
No, but she pops
in an awful lot.
How do we get the
old crone to pop out?
Old crone, is it?
I've a good mind to pop you
out right into the next century.
Endora! [Whispering]
Speak of the devil.
You won't believe this, but
we've been talking about you.
- You call yourself my brother!
- Only when I'm forced to.
I deny it as much as possible.
Now, now, Uncle Arthur,
Mother, please. It's too late.
You've seen the last of me.
I'm leaving, never to return again.
Marvelous!
See, that didn't take
long. I'm only here to help.
I haven't left yet.
Hurry it up, will you?
We'd like to be alone.
[Hisses]
You made her awful mad, Uncle
Arthur. No telling what she'll do.
Hi, honey!
Well, if it isn't my old
yagga-zuzzie nephew-in-law.
What's he doing here?
He just got here... practically.
Didn't you, Uncle Arthur? As a
matter of fact, Mother was here too.
But I'm afraid they had words.
Words? There's the
understatement of the century.
The truth is, Uncle
Arthur sent her away.
He sent your mother away?
Yes. You see,
Mother was so
angry that she left,
swearing never
to return again...
Uncle Arthur, I have never been
so happy to see anybody in my life!
Uncle Arthur,
old pal, old buddy!
Hiya, fella, glad to
see you. Put her there.
Your Uncle Arthur... [Laughing]
How much longer is
he going to stay here?
I don't mind his walking the baby so
much, as what he does to entertain her.
Pushing her stroller on a red
carpet in front of Gladys Kravitz yet!
Dancing on the ceiling, turning
himself into a twenty-foot balloon!
I know you have every
right to complain, but...
I'm not complaining,
I'm not... Yes, I am.
He's been here what? Three days?
Talk about influencing the baby.
And what he does to me. That
I'm not too crazy about either!
Complain, darling. Don't rave.
I just don't happen
to think that a
hotfoot, made with
real lightning, is funny!
I don't know why. Maybe
I'm sick. I am sick, sick of him.
The more I see of Uncle Arthur,
the lovelier your mother becomes.
If I had to choose between
the two, I'd take Endora any day.
The man has come
to his senses at last.
He finally appreciates
the real me.
- Mother, you're back!
- Naturally.
You didn't think I'd stay away and let
that ridiculous excuse for a warlock...
exert his outrageous influence
on my grandchild, did you?
And I want to thank you
for your compliment, Darwin.
- Darrin!
- That's right... Darwin.
Look at him. He's practically
cakewalking down the street.
He's such an exhibitionist!
What am I going to do? I
don't want to hurt his feelings.
I love him. But I can't
let him take over Tabatha.
- The chances of that happening
have been eliminated.
- They have?
How? Your mother is
here. Need I say more?
Yeah, yeah, much more!
What does that mean?
It means from this moment on,
I'm going to watch over Tabatha,
and protect her from that
over-animated orangutan.
- What?
- I have decided to move
into that house on the corner.
What corner? That one.
The house on the
corner across the street.
There's no house on that
corner. It's a vacant lot.
It was a vacant lot. Look again.
Endora. It has to be
Endora. Who else?
The Madame le Farge of
all time. I'll fix her wagon.
You just can't zap up
a house on a vacant lot.
That lot belongs to
somebody. Somebody owns it.
You can't build on it without a permit.
Haven't you ever heard of a permit?
Never.
You have heard of City Hall, the
county assessors, the tax department!
Oh, Samantha, he
does get so tiresome.
So do you, Mother, when
you won't listen to reason.
Don't you have any idea
the trouble that can cause?
Endora!
Well, we certainly have
missed you. Long time, no see.
And we thought you said
you were leaving for good.
Any resemblance between George Washington
and myself is purely coincidental.
Rumor hath it, you put
that house on the corner.
I put my house on the corner.
Mother intends to live there.
- Over his dead body.
- Wait a minute. Stop helping me.
You're not going to zap yourself a
roost around here as long as I can help it.
That house goes.
Arthur, don't annoy me.
I have spoken. That
house stays. Now, Mother.
Uncle Arthur, please. You
cannot put that house back there.
What would the neighbors
say? What would they think?
I don't care what
the neighbors think.
Don't worry, Sammy. I won't let her
be a nuisance to you and Tabatha.
Anything Mother Hubbard
can zap, I can zap better.
Mother, please!
Now wait a minute.
I can handle this.
Mother knows best.
[Screams]
So, Little Boy Blue,
if it's hostilities you want,
it's hostilities you'll get.
All right, Abner.
Now tell me I'm crazy.
Now tell me I'm
making things up.
There is a full-grown house that grew
up out of nowhere. See for yourself.
Gladys, how can I see for
myself? I'm in the doctor's office.
I got news for you. You're
checking over the wrong person.
Gladys? Gladys!
Take a couple of aspirins
and lie down. I'll be right home.
Which will give you a fair
idea of the kind of a nut I am.
Abner, don't you dare
hang up on me... ever again.
I've heard all I care to hear.
Well, you're gonna
hear a lot more, dimples.
Dimples?
Tabatha is trying to take a
nap, or doesn't anybody care?
I care.
And as far as I am concerned,
there's nothing more to be said.
Are you all right,
sweetheart? Oh, sure.
Other men have trouble with the finance
company, the income tax department.
But not me! I got it soft.
So resign yourself,
Charley Charming.
I have moved into
the neighborhood.
Resign yourself, Sally Sunshine.
You have just moved out.
Okay, who's fooling around?
I call it fooling around when a house is
there one minute and it's gone the next,
when it never should have
been there in the first place.
Are you sure you're the police?
I was, right up until
you called, lady.
Okay, okay. I'll send
somebody right over.
Okay, Sergeant, we go to that address
and we investigate a missing house. Right.
A missing house?
That's what I thought you
said he said. I never argue.
[Gasps] It's back!
The house is back.
- Oh!
- Is it back?
Of course it's back. Do you
think you're playing with children?
I sorta hate to do it, but, uh,
I guess I'll have to paste her.
- Uncle Arthur, you wouldn't!
- Sam, leave him alone!
I mean, stay out of it, dear.
That's an excellent suggestion.
Don't you and Darwin have something
to do somewhere else in the house?
Well... Darrin, how
about some tea?
I'll heat the hot water.
Great idea. Just what
we need. More hot water.
Thank goodness you've
come. Are you Mrs. Kravitz?
That's right. I'm
the one who called.
This it? That's it. That's the
missing house, only it came back.
You noticed? I noticed.
- Listen, Noel...
- Don't argue.
The thing is, the house doesn't
belong here in the first place.
That's a vacant lot.
Oh, come on!
It sure is, lady.
I'll check inside with the lady. You
call in and check out the address.
Okay, lady? Oh, yes.
Actually, this is a very
strange neighborhood.
But I can't get anybody to
believe it, not even my husband.
Don't tempt me, little
man, or I'll evaporate you.
How'd you like to be turned
into a half pint of sour cream?
[Sniffs]
I smell sulfur. Hmm.
Probably something Mother
said. She can be very acid.
She can be a hurricane,
an eight-day flood.
Name your disaster, that's
Endora. As for Uncle Arthur...
I know it's difficult. But each in
their own way, they're trying to help.
Help? Is this
what you call help?
Sam, we agreed. Normal.
Remember normal?
When we were first married, we made a deal.
We were gonna have a normal married life.
Didn't you mean it? I
meant it. That's all I wanted.
That's all I want now!
Shh. That's all I want.
Problem is, they both
have equal power.
This could go on and on.
Hmm. Enough is enough.
Mother, Uncle Arthur?
Now listen to me, both
of you. I have had it!
I beg your pardon?
I love you, Mother, but!
Hear that? "But!"
I don't need any editorial comments from
you, Uncle Arthur. Anyway, you're next.
Mother, listen to me.
I will not have my home turned
into a reenactment of the Civil War.
Did I make that plain? I didn't say, "I
wish you wouldn't," or "I don't want."
I said, "I will not"!
If you expect me to apologize
for something your Uncle Arthur...
I am not asking for an apology.
I am demanding privacy!
I'll admit I am torn
when we get into these
witches' world versus
mortal world battles.
I can see both sides and
I try to take both sides.
I try very hard to be fair.
But sometimes you can try so hard
to be fair, you end up being nothing!
As far as I'm concerned...
Well, in my opinion...
From now on, I am taking sides.
I am showing
favoritism, plenty of it.
All of it in Darrin and Tabatha's
direction, right where it belongs.
She's got spunk
all right, Endora.
Yes, of course.
She gets it from me.
I don't care where
I get it. The point is,
if you're going to fight, you're
gonna have to fight someplace else.
Either that or stop
fighting completely.
Really, Samantha! Just
like that? [Snaps Fingers]
Yes. Just like that.
[Snaps Fingers]
Now, both of you,
kiss and make up.
Go on, kiss her!
Things aren't that desperate.
I'm afraid they are.
Now I am going to tell Darrin that peace
reigns supreme one way or the other.
And when I come back
here, I want evidence of it!
What did you say?
What happened? What
have you been doing?
Bluffing. No, no, I meant
what I said, all right.
The problem is, if they don't buy it, I
don't know how I'm going to enforce it.
Frankly, I forget
who started it.
I remember.
You did.
No.
If memory serves me
correctly, it began...
Oh, Arthur, forget it. It
began the day you were born.
Up until then, I
was an only child.
Endora, if it's any
comfort to you,
I've always thought
of you as one.
Not only an only
child, an only...
everything.
Why, Arthur.
[Arthur] You like
that? Yes, I do.
An only everything,
which is probably why I
tease you so unmercifully.
Out of sheer jealousy.
- That's probably it.
- And for kicks.
No question about that.
What you're leading up to in
your usual inadequate way,
is to do what Samantha
asked, try to get along.
I know the thought
is... revolting, but...
Well, we could try, I suppose.
We could start by only seeing
each other when we are invisible.
This is a good idea.
[Endora] She's right, you know.
We have been turning
her home into a civil war.
[Chuckles] Remember
the Civil War?
[Laughs]
Oh. I was with General Lee.
I was with General Grant.
He had more booze.
Invisible? Invisible.
And our separate ways?
You go yours,
I'll go mine. Fine.
First, we'll have to divvy up.
Which half of the world do you want?
Oh, that's very generous of you.
I'll take the top.
Noel?
Hey, Noel!
What is it, Floyd? Come on in.
I'd just as soon you came outside,
Noel, if it's all the same to you.
Well, for what it's worth,
it looks like they're gone.
More important, it
feels like they're gone.
My bluff must have
worked! How 'bout that?
You know, sometimes I even surprise
myself. Any idea where they've gone?
No. But the one
thing I'm sure of is that
wherever they did go,
they didn't go together.
Forgive me, but they couldn't go away far
enough or stay away long enough to suit me.
As a matter of fact,
I could do without a visit from
any one of your relatives for say,
another two or
three thousand years.
You know... Get 'em
back. Get them back!
Who? Your mother,
Uncle Arthur, anybody.
It's still there! The house
is still there on the corner.
Oh, no! Oh, yes!
And look who's in
front of it. The police.
Well, some more of Gladys
Kravitz's handiwork, no doubt.
I'm telling you, I checked with
City Hall. There isn't any house here.
Did you tell them
there was? Yes.
What did they say?
They like to argue.
They say there's no permit,
no registration, no nothing.
They say, if anybody did build a
house here with no permit or registration,
there's gonna be some trouble.
Come on, let's
go inside. Inside?
Why? So you can see what I saw.
For a house that ain't here,
it's got a lot of things going for it.
Hot and cold running water,
electricity, inside plumbing.
Come on.
Sam, are you sure you can
make the house disappear?
Certainly. As long as Mother and
Uncle Arthur are out of the way,
there shouldn't be any problem.
Wait a minute. What happens if
you make the house disappear...
while the police and
Mrs. Kravitz are inside?
They will too.
They will too what?
Disappear. Disappear where?
Don't answer that! Okay?
As soon as they come out...
You know something,
I just figured it out.
I'm glad this house
showed up out of nowhere.
If it hadn't, I wouldn't
have reported it,
you wouldn't have come out and seen
it, and nobody would have believed it.
I've got a flash for you. What?
I still don't believe
it. Don't argue.
[Screams]
Oh, poor old Mrs. Kravitz.
Sometimes my heart
just goes right out to her.
I won't say anything if
you won't say anything.
About what?
Twenty-nine, 30,
31, 32, 33, 34, 35...
Honey, you or your mother ever
keep a family album? No. Why?
I was just wondering. Someday
Tabatha is going to grow old and gray,
and she just might
want to tell her
great-great-grandchildren
about her Uncle Arthur,
her Aunt Clara, Endora, Maurice.
How is she ever going
to get them to believe her?
Simple. She'll just
introduce them.
I had to ask.
If you don't ask,
you'll never learn.
Wonderful. Alone at last.
[Giggles, Sighs] Alone.
I knew it, I knew it!
I knew when you said, "You
go your way and I'll go mine,"
I knew you'd come
sneaking back here.
Isn't that exactly
what you had in mind?
Well, if you think I'm going to let you
stay around here and have free reign,
particularly with
Halloween coming up!
Especially with
Halloween coming up.
You're out of your
ever-loving nefarious mind.
You don't trust me.
I don't trust you.
Okay. I got the picture.
Oh, really, Tabatha!
Mustn't twitch.
Lately you've been positively...
Mother?
Mother, have you been
encouraging her again?
I have told you that I will not
stand for any witchcraft in this house.
Especially where Tabatha's
concerned. Now, that's final!
I'm gonna have to have a very
serious talk with your grandmother.
Come now, Samantha. One more word about
that dreadful lady, and I'll have to go.
Oh, Uncle Arthur!
What are you doing in
there? I've been framed!
Oh, Uncle Arthur, it's
so good to see you.
Sammy dear, you just keep
getting prettier and prettier.
Oh! Where have you been?
It's been much too long.
It certainly has if you've started
making speeches to yourself.
Who do we have to thank for
that? The wicked witch of the West?
Uncle Arthur, you stop that.
I can see you haven't changed
a bit. Neither have your jokes.
Teddy bear.
Uncle Arthur's here, sweetie.
[Chuckling] Oh,
Sammy, she's beautiful!
Well, I wouldn't say that.
But I'm awfully glad to hear you
say it, or anyone else for that matter.
There's your little bear.
And how's my... darling sister?
I gather from the speech
you were rehearsing,
she's playing the grand
"smother-in-law" right to the hilt.
No, but she pops
in an awful lot.
How do we get the
old crone to pop out?
Old crone, is it?
I've a good mind to pop you
out right into the next century.
Endora! [Whispering]
Speak of the devil.
You won't believe this, but
we've been talking about you.
- You call yourself my brother!
- Only when I'm forced to.
I deny it as much as possible.
Now, now, Uncle Arthur,
Mother, please. It's too late.
You've seen the last of me.
I'm leaving, never to return again.
Marvelous!
See, that didn't take
long. I'm only here to help.
I haven't left yet.
Hurry it up, will you?
We'd like to be alone.
[Hisses]
You made her awful mad, Uncle
Arthur. No telling what she'll do.
Hi, honey!
Well, if it isn't my old
yagga-zuzzie nephew-in-law.
What's he doing here?
He just got here... practically.
Didn't you, Uncle Arthur? As a
matter of fact, Mother was here too.
But I'm afraid they had words.
Words? There's the
understatement of the century.
The truth is, Uncle
Arthur sent her away.
He sent your mother away?
Yes. You see,
Mother was so
angry that she left,
swearing never
to return again...
Uncle Arthur, I have never been
so happy to see anybody in my life!
Uncle Arthur,
old pal, old buddy!
Hiya, fella, glad to
see you. Put her there.
Your Uncle Arthur... [Laughing]
How much longer is
he going to stay here?
I don't mind his walking the baby so
much, as what he does to entertain her.
Pushing her stroller on a red
carpet in front of Gladys Kravitz yet!
Dancing on the ceiling, turning
himself into a twenty-foot balloon!
I know you have every
right to complain, but...
I'm not complaining,
I'm not... Yes, I am.
He's been here what? Three days?
Talk about influencing the baby.
And what he does to me. That
I'm not too crazy about either!
Complain, darling. Don't rave.
I just don't happen
to think that a
hotfoot, made with
real lightning, is funny!
I don't know why. Maybe
I'm sick. I am sick, sick of him.
The more I see of Uncle Arthur,
the lovelier your mother becomes.
If I had to choose between
the two, I'd take Endora any day.
The man has come
to his senses at last.
He finally appreciates
the real me.
- Mother, you're back!
- Naturally.
You didn't think I'd stay away and let
that ridiculous excuse for a warlock...
exert his outrageous influence
on my grandchild, did you?
And I want to thank you
for your compliment, Darwin.
- Darrin!
- That's right... Darwin.
Look at him. He's practically
cakewalking down the street.
He's such an exhibitionist!
What am I going to do? I
don't want to hurt his feelings.
I love him. But I can't
let him take over Tabatha.
- The chances of that happening
have been eliminated.
- They have?
How? Your mother is
here. Need I say more?
Yeah, yeah, much more!
What does that mean?
It means from this moment on,
I'm going to watch over Tabatha,
and protect her from that
over-animated orangutan.
- What?
- I have decided to move
into that house on the corner.
What corner? That one.
The house on the
corner across the street.
There's no house on that
corner. It's a vacant lot.
It was a vacant lot. Look again.
Endora. It has to be
Endora. Who else?
The Madame le Farge of
all time. I'll fix her wagon.
You just can't zap up
a house on a vacant lot.
That lot belongs to
somebody. Somebody owns it.
You can't build on it without a permit.
Haven't you ever heard of a permit?
Never.
You have heard of City Hall, the
county assessors, the tax department!
Oh, Samantha, he
does get so tiresome.
So do you, Mother, when
you won't listen to reason.
Don't you have any idea
the trouble that can cause?
Endora!
Well, we certainly have
missed you. Long time, no see.
And we thought you said
you were leaving for good.
Any resemblance between George Washington
and myself is purely coincidental.
Rumor hath it, you put
that house on the corner.
I put my house on the corner.
Mother intends to live there.
- Over his dead body.
- Wait a minute. Stop helping me.
You're not going to zap yourself a
roost around here as long as I can help it.
That house goes.
Arthur, don't annoy me.
I have spoken. That
house stays. Now, Mother.
Uncle Arthur, please. You
cannot put that house back there.
What would the neighbors
say? What would they think?
I don't care what
the neighbors think.
Don't worry, Sammy. I won't let her
be a nuisance to you and Tabatha.
Anything Mother Hubbard
can zap, I can zap better.
Mother, please!
Now wait a minute.
I can handle this.
Mother knows best.
[Screams]
So, Little Boy Blue,
if it's hostilities you want,
it's hostilities you'll get.
All right, Abner.
Now tell me I'm crazy.
Now tell me I'm
making things up.
There is a full-grown house that grew
up out of nowhere. See for yourself.
Gladys, how can I see for
myself? I'm in the doctor's office.
I got news for you. You're
checking over the wrong person.
Gladys? Gladys!
Take a couple of aspirins
and lie down. I'll be right home.
Which will give you a fair
idea of the kind of a nut I am.
Abner, don't you dare
hang up on me... ever again.
I've heard all I care to hear.
Well, you're gonna
hear a lot more, dimples.
Dimples?
Tabatha is trying to take a
nap, or doesn't anybody care?
I care.
And as far as I am concerned,
there's nothing more to be said.
Are you all right,
sweetheart? Oh, sure.
Other men have trouble with the finance
company, the income tax department.
But not me! I got it soft.
So resign yourself,
Charley Charming.
I have moved into
the neighborhood.
Resign yourself, Sally Sunshine.
You have just moved out.
Okay, who's fooling around?
I call it fooling around when a house is
there one minute and it's gone the next,
when it never should have
been there in the first place.
Are you sure you're the police?
I was, right up until
you called, lady.
Okay, okay. I'll send
somebody right over.
Okay, Sergeant, we go to that address
and we investigate a missing house. Right.
A missing house?
That's what I thought you
said he said. I never argue.
[Gasps] It's back!
The house is back.
- Oh!
- Is it back?
Of course it's back. Do you
think you're playing with children?
I sorta hate to do it, but, uh,
I guess I'll have to paste her.
- Uncle Arthur, you wouldn't!
- Sam, leave him alone!
I mean, stay out of it, dear.
That's an excellent suggestion.
Don't you and Darwin have something
to do somewhere else in the house?
Well... Darrin, how
about some tea?
I'll heat the hot water.
Great idea. Just what
we need. More hot water.
Thank goodness you've
come. Are you Mrs. Kravitz?
That's right. I'm
the one who called.
This it? That's it. That's the
missing house, only it came back.
You noticed? I noticed.
- Listen, Noel...
- Don't argue.
The thing is, the house doesn't
belong here in the first place.
That's a vacant lot.
Oh, come on!
It sure is, lady.
I'll check inside with the lady. You
call in and check out the address.
Okay, lady? Oh, yes.
Actually, this is a very
strange neighborhood.
But I can't get anybody to
believe it, not even my husband.
Don't tempt me, little
man, or I'll evaporate you.
How'd you like to be turned
into a half pint of sour cream?
[Sniffs]
I smell sulfur. Hmm.
Probably something Mother
said. She can be very acid.
She can be a hurricane,
an eight-day flood.
Name your disaster, that's
Endora. As for Uncle Arthur...
I know it's difficult. But each in
their own way, they're trying to help.
Help? Is this
what you call help?
Sam, we agreed. Normal.
Remember normal?
When we were first married, we made a deal.
We were gonna have a normal married life.
Didn't you mean it? I
meant it. That's all I wanted.
That's all I want now!
Shh. That's all I want.
Problem is, they both
have equal power.
This could go on and on.
Hmm. Enough is enough.
Mother, Uncle Arthur?
Now listen to me, both
of you. I have had it!
I beg your pardon?
I love you, Mother, but!
Hear that? "But!"
I don't need any editorial comments from
you, Uncle Arthur. Anyway, you're next.
Mother, listen to me.
I will not have my home turned
into a reenactment of the Civil War.
Did I make that plain? I didn't say, "I
wish you wouldn't," or "I don't want."
I said, "I will not"!
If you expect me to apologize
for something your Uncle Arthur...
I am not asking for an apology.
I am demanding privacy!
I'll admit I am torn
when we get into these
witches' world versus
mortal world battles.
I can see both sides and
I try to take both sides.
I try very hard to be fair.
But sometimes you can try so hard
to be fair, you end up being nothing!
As far as I'm concerned...
Well, in my opinion...
From now on, I am taking sides.
I am showing
favoritism, plenty of it.
All of it in Darrin and Tabatha's
direction, right where it belongs.
She's got spunk
all right, Endora.
Yes, of course.
She gets it from me.
I don't care where
I get it. The point is,
if you're going to fight, you're
gonna have to fight someplace else.
Either that or stop
fighting completely.
Really, Samantha! Just
like that? [Snaps Fingers]
Yes. Just like that.
[Snaps Fingers]
Now, both of you,
kiss and make up.
Go on, kiss her!
Things aren't that desperate.
I'm afraid they are.
Now I am going to tell Darrin that peace
reigns supreme one way or the other.
And when I come back
here, I want evidence of it!
What did you say?
What happened? What
have you been doing?
Bluffing. No, no, I meant
what I said, all right.
The problem is, if they don't buy it, I
don't know how I'm going to enforce it.
Frankly, I forget
who started it.
I remember.
You did.
No.
If memory serves me
correctly, it began...
Oh, Arthur, forget it. It
began the day you were born.
Up until then, I
was an only child.
Endora, if it's any
comfort to you,
I've always thought
of you as one.
Not only an only
child, an only...
everything.
Why, Arthur.
[Arthur] You like
that? Yes, I do.
An only everything,
which is probably why I
tease you so unmercifully.
Out of sheer jealousy.
- That's probably it.
- And for kicks.
No question about that.
What you're leading up to in
your usual inadequate way,
is to do what Samantha
asked, try to get along.
I know the thought
is... revolting, but...
Well, we could try, I suppose.
We could start by only seeing
each other when we are invisible.
This is a good idea.
[Endora] She's right, you know.
We have been turning
her home into a civil war.
[Chuckles] Remember
the Civil War?
[Laughs]
Oh. I was with General Lee.
I was with General Grant.
He had more booze.
Invisible? Invisible.
And our separate ways?
You go yours,
I'll go mine. Fine.
First, we'll have to divvy up.
Which half of the world do you want?
Oh, that's very generous of you.
I'll take the top.
Noel?
Hey, Noel!
What is it, Floyd? Come on in.
I'd just as soon you came outside,
Noel, if it's all the same to you.
Well, for what it's worth,
it looks like they're gone.
More important, it
feels like they're gone.
My bluff must have
worked! How 'bout that?
You know, sometimes I even surprise
myself. Any idea where they've gone?
No. But the one
thing I'm sure of is that
wherever they did go,
they didn't go together.
Forgive me, but they couldn't go away far
enough or stay away long enough to suit me.
As a matter of fact,
I could do without a visit from
any one of your relatives for say,
another two or
three thousand years.
You know... Get 'em
back. Get them back!
Who? Your mother,
Uncle Arthur, anybody.
It's still there! The house
is still there on the corner.
Oh, no! Oh, yes!
And look who's in
front of it. The police.
Well, some more of Gladys
Kravitz's handiwork, no doubt.
I'm telling you, I checked with
City Hall. There isn't any house here.
Did you tell them
there was? Yes.
What did they say?
They like to argue.
They say there's no permit,
no registration, no nothing.
They say, if anybody did build a
house here with no permit or registration,
there's gonna be some trouble.
Come on, let's
go inside. Inside?
Why? So you can see what I saw.
For a house that ain't here,
it's got a lot of things going for it.
Hot and cold running water,
electricity, inside plumbing.
Come on.
Sam, are you sure you can
make the house disappear?
Certainly. As long as Mother and
Uncle Arthur are out of the way,
there shouldn't be any problem.
Wait a minute. What happens if
you make the house disappear...
while the police and
Mrs. Kravitz are inside?
They will too.
They will too what?
Disappear. Disappear where?
Don't answer that! Okay?
As soon as they come out...
You know something,
I just figured it out.
I'm glad this house
showed up out of nowhere.
If it hadn't, I wouldn't
have reported it,
you wouldn't have come out and seen
it, and nobody would have believed it.
I've got a flash for you. What?
I still don't believe
it. Don't argue.
[Screams]
Oh, poor old Mrs. Kravitz.
Sometimes my heart
just goes right out to her.
I won't say anything if
you won't say anything.
About what?
Twenty-nine, 30,
31, 32, 33, 34, 35...
Honey, you or your mother ever
keep a family album? No. Why?
I was just wondering. Someday
Tabatha is going to grow old and gray,
and she just might
want to tell her
great-great-grandchildren
about her Uncle Arthur,
her Aunt Clara, Endora, Maurice.
How is she ever going
to get them to believe her?
Simple. She'll just
introduce them.
I had to ask.
If you don't ask,
you'll never learn.
Wonderful. Alone at last.
[Giggles, Sighs] Alone.
I knew it, I knew it!
I knew when you said, "You
go your way and I'll go mine,"
I knew you'd come
sneaking back here.
Isn't that exactly
what you had in mind?
Well, if you think I'm going to let you
stay around here and have free reign,
particularly with
Halloween coming up!
Especially with
Halloween coming up.
You're out of your
ever-loving nefarious mind.
You don't trust me.
I don't trust you.
Okay. I got the picture.