Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 3, Episode 22 - Three Wishes - full transcript

For a tropical swimsuit campaign, Darrin has to go on a business trip to Honolulu, but can't take Samantha, about which she is disappointed but understanding. So when he says he wishes he can take Samantha, Endora, telling Samantha but not telling Darrin, gives him three wishes in order to show him for being the two faced liar she believes he is. Quickly, Darrin learns that he no longer has to go to Hawaii, as the clients want Larry to go instead. Samantha believes this first wish bodes well for proving Endora wrong. But what happens is that Darrin has to take over what was Larry's task at the home office, namely to deal with the swimsuit model, the beautiful Buffy Baker, who is making a tour of various US cities for the campaign. So when Darrin ends up having at the last minute to accompany Buffy to Boston, and then gets stuck in Boston with Buffy in a freak snowstorm - while a heatwave hovers over the New York area - Samantha has to eat her words to Endora about Darrin's wish two and three. But it's something else the result of his wishes that may threaten Darrin and Samantha's marriage. Upon his arrival home with Samantha ready to walk out the door for good, Darrin has to figure out why Samantha is so angry at him, and if there is anything he can do to prove to her that he did nothing improper against their marriage.

Milk.

Good morning, Samantha.

I just popped in on
my way to the Casbah.

Ben Ahmed is giving...

the most marvelous cocktail
party for the prime minister.

Oh, well, that's lovely,
Mother, but I can't talk right now.

I overslept and Darrin's
breakfast isn't ready.

Oh, very well. I'll
pitch in and help.

No, don't.

[Phone Ringing]

[Ringing Continues]



Hello?

Uh, no, ma'am. This is
the Stephenses' residence.

I'm afraid you have the wrong
number. It's quite all right.

Yeah.

[Phone Ringing]

Hello? No, ma'am.

I'm sorry. You have the
wrong number. It's quite all right.

Digit dialing. [Ringing]

Hello? No, ma'am, I am sorry!
This is not the Sunnydale Rest Home!

No, I don't mean
I'm sorry it's not.

It isn't.

Or is it?

Three wrong numbers in a row?

That was no lady. That
was my mother-in-law.



What are they up to?

[Phone Ringing]

Hello? Listen, if you ring this
phone one more time, I'm...

Oh, uh... hello, Larry.

I'm sorry I shouted at you. I
thought you were my mother-in-law.

Mother-in-law? You're not afraid to
talk like that to your mother-in-law?

Darrin, if you were here,
I'd get your autograph.

Instead, I got some news for you.
Looks like you're gonna take a little trip.

Oh? Uh, where?

Uh, when?

Well, in that case,
maybe Sam would... Oh.

Well, of course, if
they aren't... Yeah.

Oh, sure. Bye, Lar.

Breakfast is ready.

Bad news. I resent you
addressing me like that.

I wasn't addressing you.
I just said, "Bad news."

- You were looking at me.
- If the shoe fits...

I'm warning you, shoes can kick!

Uh, what do you mean, bad news?

We're going to Honolulu. When?

This afternoon. We are?

Honolulu! Uh, Sam.

And you call that bad news? Sam.

You certainly didn't give me
much time to brush up on my hula.

Honey, it's business.
That's marvelous.

It's so much more fun
on an expense account.

Sam, you're not
going. I can't take you.

Oh. You said "we."

"We" means the
clients and myself.

They can't take their wives,
so I can't very well take you.

Oh. I-It might get them in
trouble with their own wives.

[Sighs] Well, it certainly was
an exciting trip while it lasted.

I don't think I could get to Honolulu
and back that fast flying solo.

Actually, I don't know what business it
is of theirs whether I take my wife or not.

- Oh, Darrin, it doesn't matter.
- It's the principle
of the thing!

Darrin, if you really
wanted me to go,

I could turn myself into a
necktie and sort of hang around.

No, that's out.

I'm not taking you
along through witchcraft.

All right. That's settled.
Now, eat your breakfast.

Oh, I won't have time. I have to meet
with the clients and come back and pack.

But, sweetheart, you have
to eat something. Don't worry.

I'll call the coffee shop and have
them send me up some jelly donuts.

[Sighs] Oh, my!

[Chuckles] He'll never win
an Oscar for that performance.

- What do you mean, performance?
- Oh!

I wouldn't trust a mortal out
of my spell for two seconds.

He's up to something.

Oh, Mother. You
know, you're impossible!

I know Darrin. He
really wishes I could go.

Very well. We'll see
how good he is at wishing.

I've given him three
wishes to prove it.

- You what? You can't!
- I already have.

Mother, that's worse than
reading somebody else's mail.

Worse? It's almost as good as.

Now you'll know how
three-faced mortals are.

[Chuckling] [Sighs]

Betty, make eight copies
of this, will you, please?

Larry. Well, you certainly got
down to the office early. Hello, Darrin.

Morning, Betty. Good
morning, Mr. Stephens.

Well, I had to revise some estimates
before the committee meeting.

I hate to do financial
work at home.

Every time Louise sees a
dollar sign, she goes shopping.

Mr. Stephens, I have
your ticket for Honolulu.

Don't give it to
him. Give it to me.

[Sighs] Change of plans.
The clients just called.

It seems they'd rather have the
head of the company with them.

And that's me. You're kidding.

I wish I were. I
had other plans.

Man, did I have other plans.

Well, I'd better call Sam. She
may have started packing already.

Mmm.

Well. I wonder what he'd
like to take to Honolulu.

Toss a coin. Blonde or redhead.

Oh, very funny. [Phone Ringing]

Hello? Oh, hi, sweetheart.

I just got your suitcase
out of the closet.

Well, put it back in the
closet. I don't have to go.

- You don't?
- The clients decided they want
Larry to go instead of me.

They changed their
minds just like that.

[Chuckling] Oh, wonderful!

What is so funny?

He got his first wish. He
doesn't have to go to Honolulu.

The clients changed their
minds just like that. He's not going.

[Mocking] Oh, ho, ho,
ho. Just like that, eh?

Oh, Mother, you're
such a sore loser.

Sweetheart, I have an idea.
The suitcase gave it to me.

This weekend, why don't we...

Oh, well, hold it, sweetheart.
Don't get your hopes up.

With Larry gone, I'm going
to have a lot of extra work.

Starting with Buffy Baker.

You'll have to escort
her to the regional

sales convention
luncheon and cocktails later.

Uh, Sam, I may be a
little late for dinner tonight.

You have to take her where?

Her?

Oh, to luncheon and cocktails? Oh,
sure, sweetheart. That's fine. Bye-bye.

Good-bye, sweetheart.
See you tonight.

Has to take her where?
Oh, Mother, it's purely routine.

Oh, ho, ho, ho.
I'll bet it's routine.

Darrin's company is
handling the advertising

for the Tropical
Bathing Suit campaign.

A "her" in a bathing suit. Oh!

Now we're getting to
the heart of the first wish.

Save your smirking, Mother.
It's purely normal and natural.

When Larry leaves town,
Darrin has to take over for him.

I'm curious. I'm
really curious...

to see what his
second wish will be.

[Laughing] Oh, you are evil.

Oh.

Excuse me. She's here.

Buffy? Ask her to come in.

[Chuckles]

[Larry] Well, come
in, come in, come in.

- Aren't I in?
- Isn't she cute?

I believe you know Mr. Stephens.

Oh, yes. I never forget
a face... Oh, oh, oh!

Easy, Buffy. You all right?

Oh. Oh, there you are.

I'm sorry, Mr. Stephens, but the
company asked me not to wear my glasses.

They said when I'm in a bathing suit,
I'm not the one who's doing the looking.

Uh, yes. I mean, uh, hello!

Oh. [All Chuckling]

Uh, won't you sit down? Oh, yes.

There you are. Oh.

Oh. Uh, Buffy, I've been
called out of town on business.

So Mr. Stephens will escort you to
the luncheon and the cocktail party.

Oh, how sweet of you.

He'll make a little
speech introducing you.

Oh, I'm just
breathless to hear it.

And tomorrow the car will pick
you up and take you to the airport.

Remember, you've
got a banquet in Boston.

I know, I know. And then the day after
tomorrow, I have a luncheon in Chicago...

and then a banquet in Detroit.

Then I'm off three days
to reduce before St. Louis.

Mr. Stephens will take
wonderful care of you.

My, how cozy that
will be, won't it?

[Buffy Chuckling]
[Clears Throat]

Darrin, before I go to Honolulu,

I want you to know one thing.

- What?
- I hate you.

[Chuckles]

Hi, honey. Mmm, hi,
sweetheart. Larry get off all right?

Right on the button. What's
for dinner? Creamed chicken.

Hmm. Well, I
thought you liked it.

I had it for lunch. I'm sorry.

I can fix you something
else. Oh, no. I love yours.

It'll help me forget that
stuff I had at the luncheon.

I saw Buffy's bathing suit ad
in a magazine this afternoon.

Is she really as pretty in
person as she is in pictures?

Oh, prettier. Uh,
but up here, nothing.

Well, anyone who's as pretty as
she is doesn't need anything up here.

Well, pretty or not,
I'm stuck with her.

I'm going to have to fly to Boston
to introduce her at a sales banquet.

Boston? Mm-hmm. My lousy luck.

They liked my speech
so much at the luncheon,

they insisted I repeat
it tomorrow in Boston.

Oh, how long will you be gone?

Only a few hours, thanks to the jet
age. I should be back in time for dinner,

if you don't mind
waiting till 9:00 or 10:00.

I thought you said
it was a banquet.

I've had my last forkful
of creamed chicken.

I'm not going to eat... I mean,
banquet creamed chicken.

You don't have to explain.

I want to be back in time
to have dinner with you.

[Chuckles] Ooh, I'd better
call Buffy at the hotel.

Larry told me to keep
close tabs on her.

She can't remember what
city she's in. [Chuckling]

Wish number two:
Buffy in Boston.

Oh, hello, Mother. I thought
you were in the Casbah.

I was, but I wouldn't
miss this for the world.

You're wasting
your time. [Chuckles]

[Darrin] Samantha!
Yes, sweetheart?

Is my dinner jacket back from the cleaner's
yet? I wanna wear it on the plane.

Yes, it's in the
closet. Dinner jacket.

How positively gala.

He's not eating there. He's
coming home to have dinner with me.

Oh, maybe he will
and maybe he won't.

I'd say it all depends
on wish number three.

[Phone Ringing]

[Ringing Continues]

Hello. Hello?

Oh, hi, sweetheart.
Where are you? Boston?

Ha.

B-But, Darrin, you said that...

Why can't you get a plane?
Didn't you make a reservation?

♪ Dum, da, dee, dee Da,
da, da, da, da, d... ♪♪ Shh!

Oh, but, sweetheart,
that's absurd.

Why aren't the
planes taking off?

Honey, Boston has been
hit by a sudden snowstorm.

A snowstorm?

Why, it's so warm and balmy here,
we were gonna have dinner on the patio.

Honey, I don't care what
the weather's like down there.

I'm trying to tell
you what it's like up

here. Boston's been
hit by a freak snowstorm.

Oh? A freak snowstorm.

When I give wishes,
they're really spectacular.

And all the flights
are canceled.

Hmm?

Oh, no, honey. I'm all right. I
have a room right here at the hotel.

Yes, the same one where
they had the banquet.

It's pretty full because of the
convention, but I managed to get a room.

Now don't worry.
I'm perfectly all right.

I'll see you as soon as I
can get a plane out of here.

All right, sweetheart. Bye-bye.

[Sighs]

Well, you wanna stay for dinner?

What are we eating, crow?

[Knocking]

Hi. Hi.

Can I come in?

Yes, uh, certainly.

Mainly, I wanted to get away
from all those jokes in the lobby.

Jokes? About my bathing suits...

and the snowstorm
coming in to cool things off.

You were supposed to be
flying to Chicago, weren't you?

The planes aren't
taking off. I know.

The hotel's full, and
I can't get a room.

Of course, some of the gentlemen were
kind enough to offer, but... Never mind.

Uh, you can have this room.

I'll go out to the airport and
wait for the first flight out.

Oh, I wouldn't feel right
putting you out of here.

Well, I wouldn't
feel right staying.

Have a wonderful tour. Bye-bye.

Wait. Hmm?

I wanted to get another
look at you before you go.

I like you.

[Chuckles]

Have a wonderful tour. Bye.

Good-bye.

[Chiming]

I didn't say anything.

I didn't say you said anything.

Well, I just said I
didn't say anything.

Then may I say how happy I am
that you are not saying anything.

[Doorbell Rings] That's Darrin.

Oh, he couldn't get back
from Boston that fast.

He was fooling me...
Calling me from the airport.

I knew it all the time.

Hi. Telegram for Mr. Stephens.

Oh, thank you. Oh!

What is it? Oh, a telegram
for Darrin from Honolulu.

Probably from Larry. Perhaps
you'd better call him in Boston.

No, I don't think that's
necessary. How do you know?

It may be urgent. I think
you'd better call him.

Mm-mmm. No,
I'm sure it can wait.

Well, he'll probably want you
to open it up and read it to him.

That's what any thoughtful,
considerate, mortal wife would do.

Hmm? Go ahead.
Go ahead. Call him.

Oh. All right. Go on.

[Ringing]

[Sighs]

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, I'm sorry. There
must be some mistake.

- I wanted Mr. Stephens's room.
- This is Mr. Stephens's room.

M-May I speak to
Mr. Stephens, please?

Oh, I'm sorry. He isn't here.

Um, could you tell me where
I could reach Mr. Stephens?

No, I'm sorry. I don't
know where he is right now.

But, if you'll only
pardon me, I am dead.

[Yawns]

I didn't say one thing.

[Woman On P.A., Indistinct]

Mr. Ben Pepperdine.
Mr. Ben Pepperdine,

please come to gate 34.

Hi, honey.

Would you believe it? It took until
this afternoon to get a plane out.

Ooh. If you ever
wanna ruin your back,

just try sleeping on one
of those airport benches.

I think they make 'em that way
on purpose to discourage the bums.

Hi, honey.

I don't blame you for not wanting
to be kissed. I haven't shaved.

Hey, I got good news for you.

My speech got more laughs
in Boston than it did here.

All in all, I think
the trip was worth it.

Ow! Watch it, honey.

You know, I've only been
to Boston three times,

and I like it more
each time I go.

Uh, you and I ought
to go there sometime.

Sam, I may be mistaken,

but I think that maybe you're
peeved about something.

Did anything happen
while I was gone?

Well, I certainly couldn't
have done anything.

Did I?

Did I? Sam, I asked
you a question.

Did I? Sam,

you're going to stay
right here and talk to me.

Samantha! Sam, where are you?

Well, I can see you
wherever you are.

Now listen to me, Sam!
[Samantha] Darrin, I'm leaving you.

- Sam!
- I'm going home to Mother.

What do you mean, going home to
Mother? Your mother's always here.

Sam. Sam, where are you?

Now put that down!

Let... Let go!

Well, you told me to let go. Ow!

Sam, what's the matter? Did
somebody tell you something or what?

What have I done?

Sam, now cut this out! I
wanna see you immediately!

Samantha, you're my wife, and I
demand that you appear before me!

Listen to me, Sam. Don't do
anything that you may regret later on.

Where do you think you're going?

You're not leaving this house!

She couldn't.

Sam. Sam, please wait!

Please wait!

All right. Go ahead!

I can't stop you, and I know it.

Even if you were a
mortal, I couldn't stop you!

But in all fairness, don't you
think I'm entitled to know why?

The very least you
can do is tell me why!

Very well. What are you wearing?

My flying suit. Oh.

Mother warned me about you and
that model, but I didn't believe her.

Buffy? Me interested in Buffy?

Oh, Sam, don't make me laugh.

Don't you use that patronizing tone
with me, or I won't say another word.

Me interested in Buffy? I
couldn't see her in a million years.

She can't see me without
her glasses. [Nervous Chuckle]

No. Without your knowledge,

Mother gave you three wishes
to prove what was on your mind.

Well, you proved it, all
right. What did I prove?

Your first wish was that you
didn't have to go to Honolulu...

so you could look
after that model instead.

That wasn't a wish. That
was wished onto me by Larry.

Then you wished that you
could go to Boston with her.

Then you wished up
that freak snowstorm...

so that you'd have an
excuse not to come home.

That's what you think?

That's what I know.

I called your hotel room last
night. Buffy answered the phone.

Of course she did. She didn't have a
place to stay so I gave her my room.

And I slept at the airport!
Now you know why I'm leaving.

Good-bye. Oh, wait!

I think we've
covered the matter.

Your mother gave me three wishes,
and I used them the way you said?

You did. Watch this.

Three wishes, huh? Stand back.

Uh, wish number one:

I wish that your mother
were standing right here!

[Endora] Why, Darwin, I had
no idea you were so fond of me!

There. There, you see? I
wouldn't have been able to do that...

if I'd used those three
wishes on Buffy, would I?

You interrupted me
at a party, you silly boy.

And I was getting along so
famously with the prime minister.

Oh, Darrin, I...

Quiet, both of you! I
haven't finished yet.

You gave me those three wishes
to make a fool out of me, didn't you?

Well... I can make a fool out of
myself without any help from you!

You are so right!
Mortals have a talent for it.

But as long as I've got them,
I'm going to wish something...

that I've been wishing
ever since I met you.

What is it?

Wish number two:

I wish that you would
stay out of our lives fore...

Darrin, no!

For... one week!

Wish number three:

About that flying
suit. I wish...

Darrin, never
mind the third wish.

It's on the house.

Sweetheart?

Darrin?

[Grunts]

Darrin?

Uh... Hmm?

[Both Chuckle]

Good night, sweetheart.
Mmm, feeling better?

Much. After spending last
night at an airport in a snowstorm,

that's just what I needed...
A good hot shower.

I wish I could take another.

Darrin?

[Shower Running] Oh, we forgot.

You had one more wish left.

Uh, can I get you a towel?

[Chuckles]