Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 3, Episode 20 - The Corn Is as High as a Guernsey's Eye - full transcript
Aunt Clara, having just met with Endora and some of her contemporaries, is thinking about giving up and turning herself into something useful like a footstool. Endora likened her to an old cow that needed to be put out to pasture. To cheer Aunt Clara up, Samantha convinces Darrin to take them out for lunch. Forgetting to run an errand, Samantha leaves Aunt Clara in the lobby of Darrin's building while she runs that errand. Upon Samantha's return, Aunt Clara is nowhere to be found, but a cow is in the lobby, the cow which she believes is Aunt Clara. In reality, Aunt Clara went to look for a place to sit down, while the cow is a publicity stunt concocted by the Whittle Agency, one of McMann & Tate's competitors, to woo C.L. Morton for the Morton Dairy account. While Samantha zaps what she believes is Aunt Clara home and tries to convince her to change back into a witch, Whittle, Morton and the authorities try to locate $12,000 Ginger the cow. News of a cow at the home of an executive of Whittle's competitor could place Larry and Darrin in hot water.
Well, all done!
Now, to put everything back.
Ooh!
Oh! Oh, our new lamp!
Oh... No.
No witchcraft.
But our new lamp. [Sighs]
Well,
if I'm gonna go, I might
as well go for broke.
[Chuckles] But from now on,
no more witchcraft.
[Scraping]
Oh! Who says?
Oh!
There I go. Missed
the mark again.
One mistake after another.
Oh, dear, Aunt Clara. [Blows]
Ooh, well, we all make mistakes.
Uh, my mistakes? Oh, no, dear.
No, no. No, I'm finished. Huh?
I'm going to give it up and
change myself into something...
Oh, something useful,
like a footstool or...
Now you listen to me. Aunt Clara, you
get that thought right out of your head.
I've just come from a
meeting with Endora,
Hagatha and Enchantra.
And they've been a whole
hour trying to put it into my head.
Oh, no! Yes.
And your mo...
And your mother...
Uh-oh. Yeah. Oh, tsk. Well...
She said I'm an old cow, and
I should be put out to pasture.
Well!
Oh, well. Well, they were right.
Hagatha said it's time
I hung up the gloves.
Or did she say broom?
Okay, you can forget about that
prospectus for the Morton Milk account.
You wanna know why? Ow.
Because while you've been slowpoking your
way along, showing what we can do on paper,
the Whittle Agency's been
doing something creative.
That's why. Creative like what?
They're going to put Ginger, Morton's
world famous Guernsey cow, on display...
in the lobby of this
building next week, all week,
which happens to be
National Milk Week,
so that people will gape through
the window and then run, not walk,
to the neighborhood market
and buy a quart of Morton's Milk.
How about that? Well,
that's pretty creative.
It was creative enough for C.L.
Morton. I thought it was agreed.
Ideas were to be submitted
on... You'd better get with it.
If you think you can get
ahead in this business...
riding on nothing but hard
work and talent, you're crazy.
[Ringing] Hello!
[Samantha] Hi,
sweetheart. Guess what.
Aunt Clara just
stopped by for a visit.
[Sighs] That kind
of news I don't need.
Darrin, I'm worried about
her. She's terribly depressed.
She's talking about
giving up. Retirement!
Well, that kind of
news I do need.
Darrin, this is serious.
Uh, she's been talking
about changing herself
into something,
permanently... something useful.
Uh, Sam!
Darrin, I thought if I
brought her into town...
and we took her
someplace special for lunch,
it might lift her spirits, if
you'll excuse the expression.
[Groans]
Oh, it would mean so much to
her... you taking us both to lunch.
[Mutters] Well, okay, honey.
While you're at it, would you mind stopping
at the jewelers and picking up my watch?
- I meant to this morning,
but I forgot.
- Oh, sure.
Oh, and Louise is gonna babysit.
Mmm. Oh, wh-what if Tabatha
suddenly decides to, you know?
No, no, don't worry.
No, I'll put Tabatha down
for a nap before I leave.
Okay, sweetheart. Bye-bye.
Uh, bye, sweetheart.
Aunt Clara, guess
what. You and I g...
Aunt Clara?
Aunt Clara, is that you?
[Aunt Clara's Voice] I can't
even make it as a potted plant.
Oh, why not?
Can't you see I'm wilting?
There must be something I
could change myself into...
where I wouldn't make mistakes.
Aunt Clara, the only thing I
want you to change is your hat.
And we're gonna do that by buying
you the prettiest one we can find.
Oh!
Oh, I must say, Aunt Clara,
you do look lovelier in daisies
than you did in philodendron leaves.
And you're much
better company here...
than you would have been
if you'd gone out to pasture.
Oh, well, thank you, dear. And
thank you so much for the hat.
It was time that I got
a new one. [Chuckles]
[Gasps] Time!
Oh! Oh, I forgot. I
forgot Darrin's watch.
Oh, oh, dear.
Oh, it'll take me at least 15 minutes
to walk to the jeweler's and back.
Mm-hmm. But it would only take
me a second to pop over and back.
Promise you won't tell. Me tell?
Oh, certainly
not. Uh, tell what?
Aunt Clara, you wait
right here. I'll be... Uh-oh.
I'll be back in a flash.
In a flash. Hmm!
Probably easier
to get than a taxi.
[Chuckles]
Hi there, beautiful.
Well, you seem to
be doing pretty well.
Not wilting. Now, you know,
when I was a plant,
the trouble... [Mumbling]
Do you mind? This is private.
[Cow Mooing] I...
[Man #1] I got explicit
instructions to bring her in here.
[Man #2] I'm giving you
new explicit instructions.
Get that cow out of here.
Will you listen, already?
This is Ginger. So? I
don't care if it's Tallulah.
Look, I didn't hear nothin'
about allowin' any cow...
to loiter in the lobby of
any building on my beat.
Listen. Why don't we
nicely call up Mr. Whittle?
He's the advertising man.
He's right in the building here.
He'll come down, and he'll
explain to you that he's the one...
that got me the clearance
to bring Ginger in here.
I'll tell you what. I'll
even use my own dime.
Come on.
Hey, lady, if you get tired...
of yakking to the plant, there's a cow
around the corner with nobody to talk to.
Oh, isn't this all cute?
[Gasps] Well, of all
things... [Mumbling]
[Mumbling Continues]
Oh.
Oh, well, hello there.
Are you going up?
Going up with you would
be like going to heaven.
You are a class-A, number one,
all-time gorgeous... Oh, please.
Would you mind going
up to heaven without me?
I'm very busy
looking for someone.
Well, take your pick. There's
some beauts in the lobby today.
Talk about
fruitcakes. Fruitcakes?
I don't care how long I live. I ain't
never gonna get so sophisticated...
that an old dame talkin'
to a plant one minute...
and a cow walkin' around the
lobby the next ain't a novelty.
A cow? A cow.
A c... Uh, wh-where? Where?
Around the corner. How about it?
You wanna take a ride with
me? Fly to heaven? Next trip.
Uh... Aunt Clara?
Aunt Clara?
Aunt Clara. Oh! Aunt Clara!
A cow, of all things!
And in Darrin's building. Well,
this is hardly out to pasture. You...
Yes. Yes, sir.
[Gasps] A policeman.
That's all we need.
[Moos] No, shh!
No. Don't try to talk.
I better get you home.
Oh, Louise must be
upstairs with Tabatha.
What happened to my Ginger?
You made me lose my cow.
Oh, Aunt Clara, just because I told
you not to talk before doesn't mean that...
[Louise] Samantha, is that you?
Oh, uh, hi... Uh, hi, Louise.
I'll be right up. Oh, no,
no, no, no. I'll be right down.
Tabatha's asleep. Oh!
Aunt Clara, dear,
you go into the kitchen.
Uh, I'll try and get rid of her.
Aunt Clara, I
said in the kitchen.
Just because you
chose to be a cow...
doesn't mean you
have to be a stupid one.
And stubborn. Oh!
How come you're back so early?
Oh, hi, Louise. I can't thank you
enough for staying with Tabatha.
If I can ever return the
favor, don't hesitate to call me.
I'm sorry you have to
rush off. Uh, but I don't.
Oh, that's right. You don't.
Then why am I leaving?
Because I'm in such
a hurry. Oh! Sure.
Thanks a lot, Louise.
Boy. You can say that again.
[Sighs]
Oh, dear, Aunt Clara.
Being a cow is no
solution to anything.
N-Now, please. Come
on. Change yourself back.
Don't tell me you've
forgotten how.
[Ringing] Hello?
Samantha? I thought you
were coming in for lunch.
What happened?
I've been worried.
Uh, y... Well, hi, sweetheart.
I-I was going to call you,
but something came up.
Oh, w-well, that is,
something happened.
Aunt Clara's sort
of... indisposed.
Sort of indisposed?
What does that mean?
Oh, nothing serious.
She'll be all right.
You better be. I'll see
you at dinner, okay?
Oh, y-y-yeah,
sure, sure. O-Okay.
Uh, g-good-bye.
Sort of indisposed?
Oh, now, Aunt Clara, you
know I can't change you back.
You just have to
do that yourself.
Why not try to relax a
little... Rest a little first?
How about a nice
glass of warm milk?
Warm milk! What am I saying?
Yes, Samantha,
what are you saying?
Oh, well, uh, Louise.
Didn't you leave a couple of minutes
ago? You gave me the wrong jacket.
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Louise. I must
have been thinking about the cow.
I'm not quite used to it
yet... Having one, I mean.
Oh, but as soon
as I am, I'll call you.
All right? All right.
Oh, Aunt Clara.
A cow?
I'm going to call Larry.
Aunt Clara,
why couldn't you have
been a Chihuahua?
Yes.
Okay, you wanna know why
the Whittle Agency may lose...
the Morton Milk account and
we may get another whack at it?
Well, I suppose, uh... Because Whittle
has gone and lost C.L. Morton's cow.
That's why. Lost a c...
How could anyone
lose a cow? I don't know.
But losing Ginger, Morton's
world-famous, prizewinning Guernsey cow...
worth at least $12,000...
You gotta admit,
that's pretty creative.
[Sighs] [Chuckles]
Larry, I would like to shake hands with
the man who really knows how to gloat.
World's champ. They're
down in the lobby.
Whittle's about to have
a nervous breakdown,
and C.L. Morton wants to put the
entire city under arrest for cow-napping!
Let's go. Come on.
You're through delivering cows,
mister. I hope you know that.
On account of you, I got a
missing cow on my hands.
Ha, if she were on your
hands, she wouldn't be missin'.
Oh, you're gonna give me
logic, right... policeman's logic?
- You got something
against policemen?
- Yeah.
A missing cow on my hands.
That's what I got against policemen!
[Man] Don't worry, Mr. Morton.
I'll get to the bottom of this.
[Men Chattering]
Aunt Clara. Aunt Clara!
Oh. Oh, Darrin. Darrin,
what are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
You're supposed to be at home!
I am? Oh, my goodness.
I've goofed again.
No, no. Stay right here. I'm gonna
call home and check this out with Sam.
Stay right here.
Every endeavor is being
made to find your cow Ginger.
And I give you my word that...
What are you doing here, Tate?
Well, I thought I might
be of some assistance.
Is something wrong? Something
wrong? Why, this numbskull Whittle...
Mr. Tate, your secretary
says to get on the
horn to your wife right
away. Very important.
Later. I think I'd better have
a visit with Mr. Tate here.
Mr. Morton, if you'd
only have a little patience.
Uh, your secretary said your
wife said to call her now, not later.
If I was you, pal... Now
look here, young man.
Okay, okay! I wouldn't
take on both of 'em...
A wife and a secretary.
All right, all right.
I get the message.
Excuse me for a
minute, Mr. Morton.
Now, there goes a good man.
Sam, what I'm trying to say is, I
think you misplaced Aunt Clara.
She's here in the
lobby of the building.
Darrin, don't be ridiculous. She's
standing right next to me eating her oats.
Sam? Amazing how
they pick their times.
Mm-hmm. Her what?
Her oa... Oh, well,
it's really oatmeal.
But I don't know what else to give her.
After all, she missed having her lunch.
Sam, uh...
Darrin, I told you
Aunt Clara was upset.
She turned herself into a cow.
- She turned herself
into a what?
- A cow.
I think you made
a little mistake.
- A mistake?
- Sam's got a what
in their where?
A cow?
What kind of a cow?
Sam, honey. Aunt
Clara's here in the lobby.
Aunt Clara's there?
Are you sure? Is she all right?
She's fine. Bye, Louise.
Well, uh, i-i-if she's there,
then who have I got here,
and what was she
doing in your lobby?
What difference does it make?
I mean, who cares, really?
The point is, since you're
practically next door,
why don't you just pop over and
fix things, if you know what I mean.
- In a minute, Lar.
- I'll have to get Mother
to babysit.
- Terrific.
- You even agree to that?
[Nervous Chuckle] Must
be worse than I thought.
That's right. I'll be waiting
for you in the lobby, honey.
Things are sort of crowded in
spots, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, uh, all right. Bye.
Uh, something on your mind,
Lar? Yeah. Are you out of yours?
I said get the account,
not steal the cow!
Steal what cow? Ginger.
Ginger? Do you or do you not
have a cow in your living room?
No, I don't know what you're
talking... I was just talking to Louise,
and she said she saw a cow
standing in your living room.
Larry, you don't think that
our cow is the Morton cow!
Your cow? Oh, Darrin,
don't be ridiculous.
How could you possibly
think it was the same cow?
Well... after all, I mean...
In the first place, our
cow's name is Trixie.
Trixie? Yeah.
Hadn't we better get over
there, see what's going on?
Darrin, what do
you want with a cow?
Actually, I don't want one
at all. It's all Sam's idea.
She's on a big economy kick,
like a lot of the housewives are...
Baking their own bread and
growing their own vegetables.
Well, Sam wants to grow our own milk and
butter and cheese, cream, the whole bit.
Well, why didn't
she tell Louise?
Uh, probably afraid
she'd steal the idea.
[Both Chuckle] Steal the idea?
Hadn't we better
get over there? Yeah.
Sure, sure. Let's
get over there.
Now you've had
enough, whoever you are.
You're gonna have to
go back a different way
if that lobby's as
crowded as Darrin says.
Oh, what would be the best way?
Oh, why didn't I
think of that before?
Oh, well! Aren't you cute?
Okay. You'll be back
to normal in a minute.
If you wanna blame anybody, blame the
fuzz. If he don't bug me, I don't lose her.
[Officer] Look, nobody's got any
right dumpin' a cow on my beat anyhow!
[Scoffs]
Beauty is in the
eyes of the beholder,
and, boy, is it ever in
the eyes of this beholder.
Your chariot awaits.
How nice. Five, please.
Honey, going up with
you is like going to heaven.
I bet you say that to all your
female passengers all the time.
Uh-uh. Only the class-A,
number one lookers, like you.
All day long, fat
dames, skinny dames,
tall dames, short
dames, old dames.
Only one in a hundred
is a doll like you.
I don't get many like
you. Only maybe 15%.
I guess I'm giving the eye to
the right percentage, though, huh?
[Yells]
You're gonna get a fat
lip, that's what. Yeah?
You know how many years
you can get for hittin' a civilian?
[Whittle] Mr. Morton, I am
convinced that there is dirty work afoot.
There has to be, with that man
hanging around here like a vulture.
Are you pointing your stubby
little finger at me, Whittle?
Larry, take it easy. Oh! Sam.
All this fuss about a cow?
Well, where is it? Coming down.
Coming down?
I think someone should
know it's a very stupid cow.
There she is!
There's my Ginger!
Oh, there's my baby!
[Laughing]
Ah, Papa's little girl.
Yes, sir! [Laughing Continues]
That's my little girl.
Aw, isn't that sweet?
You see, everything
turns out for the best.
Yeah, when you're around to
give everything a big assist, it does.
You know your papa,
don't ya? Yes, you do.
Well?
Well, as I said, I
goof, goof, goof, goof...
and spoil everything
for everybody.
Oh, I wish I were a doorknob.
Now, Aunt Clara, you've
got to stop blaming yourself.
Yeah, let Samantha take a
couple of bows. [Phone Ringing]
I'll get it. [Doorbell Rings]
I'll get the door.
Hello? [Samantha] Yes?
Oh, Larry.
What? We got the Morton account?
Well, that's great. What cinched
the deal? [Samantha] Oh. Oh, really?
When you told Mr. Morton that
Sam and I were such cow fanciers?
What did you tell him
a thing like that for?
What difference does it make,
as long as it cinched the deal?
[Samantha] Well,
thank you very much.
Mr. Morton is sending
us a little something?
[Door Closes] Oh,
that's very nice.
Yeah, okay, Larry.
Uh, yeah. Uh, good-bye.
We got the Morton account. Ah.
On account of we're
such cow fanciers.
And Mr. Morton is sending
us a little something. Oh.
- I-Is that good?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, wh-when is he sending it?
Uh, he already has.
That was the delivery man.
He's bringing Mr. Morton's "little
something" around back. [Chuckles]
You see, Aunt Clara?
All of your mistakes turned
out to be... wonderful mistakes.
[Chuckles] Oh, really, Samantha.
Including the cows.
What cows?
The ones from Mr. Morton.
[Cows Mooing]
Thanks a lot, Aunt Clara. Yes.
Thank you, Aunt Clara.
Oh. Well, you're very welcome.
[Mumbling]
How... Aunt Clara, we love cows.
Don't we? Oh, yes, yes.
[Chuckles] Yes. You love...
Well, it takes all
kinds, you know.
Now, to put everything back.
Ooh!
Oh! Oh, our new lamp!
Oh... No.
No witchcraft.
But our new lamp. [Sighs]
Well,
if I'm gonna go, I might
as well go for broke.
[Chuckles] But from now on,
no more witchcraft.
[Scraping]
Oh! Who says?
Oh!
There I go. Missed
the mark again.
One mistake after another.
Oh, dear, Aunt Clara. [Blows]
Ooh, well, we all make mistakes.
Uh, my mistakes? Oh, no, dear.
No, no. No, I'm finished. Huh?
I'm going to give it up and
change myself into something...
Oh, something useful,
like a footstool or...
Now you listen to me. Aunt Clara, you
get that thought right out of your head.
I've just come from a
meeting with Endora,
Hagatha and Enchantra.
And they've been a whole
hour trying to put it into my head.
Oh, no! Yes.
And your mo...
And your mother...
Uh-oh. Yeah. Oh, tsk. Well...
She said I'm an old cow, and
I should be put out to pasture.
Well!
Oh, well. Well, they were right.
Hagatha said it's time
I hung up the gloves.
Or did she say broom?
Okay, you can forget about that
prospectus for the Morton Milk account.
You wanna know why? Ow.
Because while you've been slowpoking your
way along, showing what we can do on paper,
the Whittle Agency's been
doing something creative.
That's why. Creative like what?
They're going to put Ginger, Morton's
world famous Guernsey cow, on display...
in the lobby of this
building next week, all week,
which happens to be
National Milk Week,
so that people will gape through
the window and then run, not walk,
to the neighborhood market
and buy a quart of Morton's Milk.
How about that? Well,
that's pretty creative.
It was creative enough for C.L.
Morton. I thought it was agreed.
Ideas were to be submitted
on... You'd better get with it.
If you think you can get
ahead in this business...
riding on nothing but hard
work and talent, you're crazy.
[Ringing] Hello!
[Samantha] Hi,
sweetheart. Guess what.
Aunt Clara just
stopped by for a visit.
[Sighs] That kind
of news I don't need.
Darrin, I'm worried about
her. She's terribly depressed.
She's talking about
giving up. Retirement!
Well, that kind of
news I do need.
Darrin, this is serious.
Uh, she's been talking
about changing herself
into something,
permanently... something useful.
Uh, Sam!
Darrin, I thought if I
brought her into town...
and we took her
someplace special for lunch,
it might lift her spirits, if
you'll excuse the expression.
[Groans]
Oh, it would mean so much to
her... you taking us both to lunch.
[Mutters] Well, okay, honey.
While you're at it, would you mind stopping
at the jewelers and picking up my watch?
- I meant to this morning,
but I forgot.
- Oh, sure.
Oh, and Louise is gonna babysit.
Mmm. Oh, wh-what if Tabatha
suddenly decides to, you know?
No, no, don't worry.
No, I'll put Tabatha down
for a nap before I leave.
Okay, sweetheart. Bye-bye.
Uh, bye, sweetheart.
Aunt Clara, guess
what. You and I g...
Aunt Clara?
Aunt Clara, is that you?
[Aunt Clara's Voice] I can't
even make it as a potted plant.
Oh, why not?
Can't you see I'm wilting?
There must be something I
could change myself into...
where I wouldn't make mistakes.
Aunt Clara, the only thing I
want you to change is your hat.
And we're gonna do that by buying
you the prettiest one we can find.
Oh!
Oh, I must say, Aunt Clara,
you do look lovelier in daisies
than you did in philodendron leaves.
And you're much
better company here...
than you would have been
if you'd gone out to pasture.
Oh, well, thank you, dear. And
thank you so much for the hat.
It was time that I got
a new one. [Chuckles]
[Gasps] Time!
Oh! Oh, I forgot. I
forgot Darrin's watch.
Oh, oh, dear.
Oh, it'll take me at least 15 minutes
to walk to the jeweler's and back.
Mm-hmm. But it would only take
me a second to pop over and back.
Promise you won't tell. Me tell?
Oh, certainly
not. Uh, tell what?
Aunt Clara, you wait
right here. I'll be... Uh-oh.
I'll be back in a flash.
In a flash. Hmm!
Probably easier
to get than a taxi.
[Chuckles]
Hi there, beautiful.
Well, you seem to
be doing pretty well.
Not wilting. Now, you know,
when I was a plant,
the trouble... [Mumbling]
Do you mind? This is private.
[Cow Mooing] I...
[Man #1] I got explicit
instructions to bring her in here.
[Man #2] I'm giving you
new explicit instructions.
Get that cow out of here.
Will you listen, already?
This is Ginger. So? I
don't care if it's Tallulah.
Look, I didn't hear nothin'
about allowin' any cow...
to loiter in the lobby of
any building on my beat.
Listen. Why don't we
nicely call up Mr. Whittle?
He's the advertising man.
He's right in the building here.
He'll come down, and he'll
explain to you that he's the one...
that got me the clearance
to bring Ginger in here.
I'll tell you what. I'll
even use my own dime.
Come on.
Hey, lady, if you get tired...
of yakking to the plant, there's a cow
around the corner with nobody to talk to.
Oh, isn't this all cute?
[Gasps] Well, of all
things... [Mumbling]
[Mumbling Continues]
Oh.
Oh, well, hello there.
Are you going up?
Going up with you would
be like going to heaven.
You are a class-A, number one,
all-time gorgeous... Oh, please.
Would you mind going
up to heaven without me?
I'm very busy
looking for someone.
Well, take your pick. There's
some beauts in the lobby today.
Talk about
fruitcakes. Fruitcakes?
I don't care how long I live. I ain't
never gonna get so sophisticated...
that an old dame talkin'
to a plant one minute...
and a cow walkin' around the
lobby the next ain't a novelty.
A cow? A cow.
A c... Uh, wh-where? Where?
Around the corner. How about it?
You wanna take a ride with
me? Fly to heaven? Next trip.
Uh... Aunt Clara?
Aunt Clara?
Aunt Clara. Oh! Aunt Clara!
A cow, of all things!
And in Darrin's building. Well,
this is hardly out to pasture. You...
Yes. Yes, sir.
[Gasps] A policeman.
That's all we need.
[Moos] No, shh!
No. Don't try to talk.
I better get you home.
Oh, Louise must be
upstairs with Tabatha.
What happened to my Ginger?
You made me lose my cow.
Oh, Aunt Clara, just because I told
you not to talk before doesn't mean that...
[Louise] Samantha, is that you?
Oh, uh, hi... Uh, hi, Louise.
I'll be right up. Oh, no,
no, no, no. I'll be right down.
Tabatha's asleep. Oh!
Aunt Clara, dear,
you go into the kitchen.
Uh, I'll try and get rid of her.
Aunt Clara, I
said in the kitchen.
Just because you
chose to be a cow...
doesn't mean you
have to be a stupid one.
And stubborn. Oh!
How come you're back so early?
Oh, hi, Louise. I can't thank you
enough for staying with Tabatha.
If I can ever return the
favor, don't hesitate to call me.
I'm sorry you have to
rush off. Uh, but I don't.
Oh, that's right. You don't.
Then why am I leaving?
Because I'm in such
a hurry. Oh! Sure.
Thanks a lot, Louise.
Boy. You can say that again.
[Sighs]
Oh, dear, Aunt Clara.
Being a cow is no
solution to anything.
N-Now, please. Come
on. Change yourself back.
Don't tell me you've
forgotten how.
[Ringing] Hello?
Samantha? I thought you
were coming in for lunch.
What happened?
I've been worried.
Uh, y... Well, hi, sweetheart.
I-I was going to call you,
but something came up.
Oh, w-well, that is,
something happened.
Aunt Clara's sort
of... indisposed.
Sort of indisposed?
What does that mean?
Oh, nothing serious.
She'll be all right.
You better be. I'll see
you at dinner, okay?
Oh, y-y-yeah,
sure, sure. O-Okay.
Uh, g-good-bye.
Sort of indisposed?
Oh, now, Aunt Clara, you
know I can't change you back.
You just have to
do that yourself.
Why not try to relax a
little... Rest a little first?
How about a nice
glass of warm milk?
Warm milk! What am I saying?
Yes, Samantha,
what are you saying?
Oh, well, uh, Louise.
Didn't you leave a couple of minutes
ago? You gave me the wrong jacket.
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Louise. I must
have been thinking about the cow.
I'm not quite used to it
yet... Having one, I mean.
Oh, but as soon
as I am, I'll call you.
All right? All right.
Oh, Aunt Clara.
A cow?
I'm going to call Larry.
Aunt Clara,
why couldn't you have
been a Chihuahua?
Yes.
Okay, you wanna know why
the Whittle Agency may lose...
the Morton Milk account and
we may get another whack at it?
Well, I suppose, uh... Because Whittle
has gone and lost C.L. Morton's cow.
That's why. Lost a c...
How could anyone
lose a cow? I don't know.
But losing Ginger, Morton's
world-famous, prizewinning Guernsey cow...
worth at least $12,000...
You gotta admit,
that's pretty creative.
[Sighs] [Chuckles]
Larry, I would like to shake hands with
the man who really knows how to gloat.
World's champ. They're
down in the lobby.
Whittle's about to have
a nervous breakdown,
and C.L. Morton wants to put the
entire city under arrest for cow-napping!
Let's go. Come on.
You're through delivering cows,
mister. I hope you know that.
On account of you, I got a
missing cow on my hands.
Ha, if she were on your
hands, she wouldn't be missin'.
Oh, you're gonna give me
logic, right... policeman's logic?
- You got something
against policemen?
- Yeah.
A missing cow on my hands.
That's what I got against policemen!
[Man] Don't worry, Mr. Morton.
I'll get to the bottom of this.
[Men Chattering]
Aunt Clara. Aunt Clara!
Oh. Oh, Darrin. Darrin,
what are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
You're supposed to be at home!
I am? Oh, my goodness.
I've goofed again.
No, no. Stay right here. I'm gonna
call home and check this out with Sam.
Stay right here.
Every endeavor is being
made to find your cow Ginger.
And I give you my word that...
What are you doing here, Tate?
Well, I thought I might
be of some assistance.
Is something wrong? Something
wrong? Why, this numbskull Whittle...
Mr. Tate, your secretary
says to get on the
horn to your wife right
away. Very important.
Later. I think I'd better have
a visit with Mr. Tate here.
Mr. Morton, if you'd
only have a little patience.
Uh, your secretary said your
wife said to call her now, not later.
If I was you, pal... Now
look here, young man.
Okay, okay! I wouldn't
take on both of 'em...
A wife and a secretary.
All right, all right.
I get the message.
Excuse me for a
minute, Mr. Morton.
Now, there goes a good man.
Sam, what I'm trying to say is, I
think you misplaced Aunt Clara.
She's here in the
lobby of the building.
Darrin, don't be ridiculous. She's
standing right next to me eating her oats.
Sam? Amazing how
they pick their times.
Mm-hmm. Her what?
Her oa... Oh, well,
it's really oatmeal.
But I don't know what else to give her.
After all, she missed having her lunch.
Sam, uh...
Darrin, I told you
Aunt Clara was upset.
She turned herself into a cow.
- She turned herself
into a what?
- A cow.
I think you made
a little mistake.
- A mistake?
- Sam's got a what
in their where?
A cow?
What kind of a cow?
Sam, honey. Aunt
Clara's here in the lobby.
Aunt Clara's there?
Are you sure? Is she all right?
She's fine. Bye, Louise.
Well, uh, i-i-if she's there,
then who have I got here,
and what was she
doing in your lobby?
What difference does it make?
I mean, who cares, really?
The point is, since you're
practically next door,
why don't you just pop over and
fix things, if you know what I mean.
- In a minute, Lar.
- I'll have to get Mother
to babysit.
- Terrific.
- You even agree to that?
[Nervous Chuckle] Must
be worse than I thought.
That's right. I'll be waiting
for you in the lobby, honey.
Things are sort of crowded in
spots, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, uh, all right. Bye.
Uh, something on your mind,
Lar? Yeah. Are you out of yours?
I said get the account,
not steal the cow!
Steal what cow? Ginger.
Ginger? Do you or do you not
have a cow in your living room?
No, I don't know what you're
talking... I was just talking to Louise,
and she said she saw a cow
standing in your living room.
Larry, you don't think that
our cow is the Morton cow!
Your cow? Oh, Darrin,
don't be ridiculous.
How could you possibly
think it was the same cow?
Well... after all, I mean...
In the first place, our
cow's name is Trixie.
Trixie? Yeah.
Hadn't we better get over
there, see what's going on?
Darrin, what do
you want with a cow?
Actually, I don't want one
at all. It's all Sam's idea.
She's on a big economy kick,
like a lot of the housewives are...
Baking their own bread and
growing their own vegetables.
Well, Sam wants to grow our own milk and
butter and cheese, cream, the whole bit.
Well, why didn't
she tell Louise?
Uh, probably afraid
she'd steal the idea.
[Both Chuckle] Steal the idea?
Hadn't we better
get over there? Yeah.
Sure, sure. Let's
get over there.
Now you've had
enough, whoever you are.
You're gonna have to
go back a different way
if that lobby's as
crowded as Darrin says.
Oh, what would be the best way?
Oh, why didn't I
think of that before?
Oh, well! Aren't you cute?
Okay. You'll be back
to normal in a minute.
If you wanna blame anybody, blame the
fuzz. If he don't bug me, I don't lose her.
[Officer] Look, nobody's got any
right dumpin' a cow on my beat anyhow!
[Scoffs]
Beauty is in the
eyes of the beholder,
and, boy, is it ever in
the eyes of this beholder.
Your chariot awaits.
How nice. Five, please.
Honey, going up with
you is like going to heaven.
I bet you say that to all your
female passengers all the time.
Uh-uh. Only the class-A,
number one lookers, like you.
All day long, fat
dames, skinny dames,
tall dames, short
dames, old dames.
Only one in a hundred
is a doll like you.
I don't get many like
you. Only maybe 15%.
I guess I'm giving the eye to
the right percentage, though, huh?
[Yells]
You're gonna get a fat
lip, that's what. Yeah?
You know how many years
you can get for hittin' a civilian?
[Whittle] Mr. Morton, I am
convinced that there is dirty work afoot.
There has to be, with that man
hanging around here like a vulture.
Are you pointing your stubby
little finger at me, Whittle?
Larry, take it easy. Oh! Sam.
All this fuss about a cow?
Well, where is it? Coming down.
Coming down?
I think someone should
know it's a very stupid cow.
There she is!
There's my Ginger!
Oh, there's my baby!
[Laughing]
Ah, Papa's little girl.
Yes, sir! [Laughing Continues]
That's my little girl.
Aw, isn't that sweet?
You see, everything
turns out for the best.
Yeah, when you're around to
give everything a big assist, it does.
You know your papa,
don't ya? Yes, you do.
Well?
Well, as I said, I
goof, goof, goof, goof...
and spoil everything
for everybody.
Oh, I wish I were a doorknob.
Now, Aunt Clara, you've
got to stop blaming yourself.
Yeah, let Samantha take a
couple of bows. [Phone Ringing]
I'll get it. [Doorbell Rings]
I'll get the door.
Hello? [Samantha] Yes?
Oh, Larry.
What? We got the Morton account?
Well, that's great. What cinched
the deal? [Samantha] Oh. Oh, really?
When you told Mr. Morton that
Sam and I were such cow fanciers?
What did you tell him
a thing like that for?
What difference does it make,
as long as it cinched the deal?
[Samantha] Well,
thank you very much.
Mr. Morton is sending
us a little something?
[Door Closes] Oh,
that's very nice.
Yeah, okay, Larry.
Uh, yeah. Uh, good-bye.
We got the Morton account. Ah.
On account of we're
such cow fanciers.
And Mr. Morton is sending
us a little something. Oh.
- I-Is that good?
- Mm-hmm.
Well, wh-when is he sending it?
Uh, he already has.
That was the delivery man.
He's bringing Mr. Morton's "little
something" around back. [Chuckles]
You see, Aunt Clara?
All of your mistakes turned
out to be... wonderful mistakes.
[Chuckles] Oh, really, Samantha.
Including the cows.
What cows?
The ones from Mr. Morton.
[Cows Mooing]
Thanks a lot, Aunt Clara. Yes.
Thank you, Aunt Clara.
Oh. Well, you're very welcome.
[Mumbling]
How... Aunt Clara, we love cows.
Don't we? Oh, yes, yes.
[Chuckles] Yes. You love...
Well, it takes all
kinds, you know.