Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 3, Episode 16 - Soapbox Derby - full transcript
Sam encourages a local boy who is entering the Soapbox Derby Races.
Ooh! Watch it.
Careful.
I bet I know what
you're thinkin'. Uh-huh.
There must be an
easier way. Well, there is,
but it might shake
you up a bit. What?
Here we go. All set, Johnny.
I sure appreciate
this, Mrs. Stephens.
If it weren't for you, I'd have no other
way to get down to the track and practice.
I'm more than happy
to help, Johnny,
but I still don't see
the point of practicing...
for a race you don't think
you'll be able to enter.
I guess it's just my nutty
way of hoping against hope.
All right. Stand back.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz.
What are you doing here?
Me? I only happen to be
the aunt of Flash Kravitz,
the fastest Soap
Box Derby racer...
in the future history of
Soap Box Derby racing.
Really? That's wonderful.
Hmm. He's staying with us
until he wins the local races,
and then naturally, he's
going on to win at Akron.
- Naturally.
- What are you doing here?
Oh, I came with my
friend, Johnny Mills.
Well, uh, if you don't
mind, Mrs. Stephens,
I, uh, wish you
wouldn't look at Flash.
Mrs. Kravitz, I'm afraid I
don't know what you mean.
Let's just say
I'm superstitious,
which, incidentally, I
never was, until I met you.
Beat it, kid. I'm Class
"A," and this is a time trial.
- I'm racin' against the clock.
- Well, it won't hurt anything
if I race with you, will it?
In that pile of junk?
Don't make me laugh.
The Gray Goose may not
be painted as fancy as yours,
but I'll bet I'll beat you to the
finish line. Not if you had jet engines.
Now, go back on your skateboard,
kid. I don't race with amateurs.
Flash!
Wait!
You're not gonna
let him race with you?
Well, if he wants to end up
eating my dust, that's his hang-up.
It certainly is.
Ready, set, go!
Come on, Flash!
Get your weight
forward. Come on!
So as Johnny and I drove home, that's
when he asked me if I could keep the racer.
Well, why can't he keep it at
home? Where's he been keeping it?
That's what I wanted to
know, but I didn't find out much.
All I know is there's just
the boy and his father.
He's the garage man.
You know Mills
Auto Service? Yeah.
Well, for some reason, Johnny doesn't
want his father to know about the racer.
That doesn't make any sense.
Who'd be more interested in his own
kid's racing car than a garage mechanic?
Mmm. You figure it out. I
don't want to figure it out.
I don't want to get involved, and
I don't want you involved either.
I'm not involved.
Sam, you're helping a
12-year-old boy deceive his father.
You don't call that
being involved?
Darrin, did you tell your father
everything when you were 12?
We're not talking about me, and
it's been a long time since I was 12.
Want to lick the
spoon? It's chocolate.
Oh, yeah. I love your chocolate.
Sam, that's not fair. [Laughs]
Well, neither is sitting in judgment on a
boy when you don't know the whole story.
Say, have I heard the
whole story? Hmm?
Uh, you didn't interfere when
the boys were racing, did you?
I... I told you, they
were only practicing.
But you didn't tell
me, did you interfere?
Well, if you could call straightening
a wobbly wheel interfering...
I could. [Doorbell Rings]
That must be Johnny. He said he'd be back.
Sweetheart, would you answer the door?
We'll continue this
discussion later.
Not if I can help it.
Mr. Stephens? You
must be Johnny.
Yes, sir. I came to
work on my racer.
I've got a wheel
problem. Uh, so I've heard.
Uh, come inside a minute,
son. I'd like to talk to you.
Sam! We have a guest.
Hi, Johnny. Hi, Mrs. Stephens.
Thanks a lot for keeping my car
in your garage. I was happy to do it.
Sit down, Johnny.
Look what I just made.
You think a little piece would
spoil your dinner? I could risk it.
Johnny, why don't you want your
father to know about the racer?
Oh, lots of reasons... none
of them really very interesting.
Why don't you let us decide
that for ourselves, huh?
Well, Dad doesn't
know I built the racer.
Tommy Summers let
me build it in his garage,
but it was taking
up too much room.
That's why I had to ask you.
Why keep the racer a secret? Your
dad's a mechanic. He could've helped you.
Uh-uh. The Soap Box Derby rule
says you gotta build it all by yourself.
And anyway, you
don't know my dad.
- He'd have thrown a fit.
- Why?
Well, because...
Look. My dad's a great guy...
About the greatest there is...
But he's got this thing
about me becoming a doctor.
What's building a racer got
to do with becoming a doctor?
With my dad, just about everything's got
something to do with becoming a doctor.
- You want to be a doctor?
- Sure. I... I guess so,
if it'll make Dad happy.
Mrs. Stephens, I gotta go.
Thanks for the cake, and
thanks again for keeping my car.
Uh, Johnny, wait a minute.
What are you going
to... Good luck, Johnny.
We hope you win the Soap
Box Derby and become a doctor.
Thanks.
Mrs. Stephens?
I got one other problem.
Okay. You see, they won't
let me race in the derby...
unless my parent or
guardian signs the application.
Well, Johnny, we
can't sign it for you.
Oh, I know that.
That'd be illegal.
Anyway, I was going
to ask my dad to sign it...
after I got the racer all built.
Well, the race is on Saturday,
and I'm kind of
scared to ask him.
Would you?
I'll bet he'd have a tough
time saying no to you.
- Speaking from experience...
- Yeah, I'd be willing to give it a try.
Mr. Mills, don't you understand?
If you don't sign this,
Johnny won't be able to race.
That lousy bolt's frozen. He's
got a very good chance of winning.
And if I don't fix this
buggy by 8:00... [Straining]
I've got a very good chance of getting the
riot act from the guy that owns this car.
Mr. Mills, haven't you got just five
minutes to stand up and talk to me?
Look, Mrs. Stephens, you're a very
nice lady and a very good customer,
and I appreciate your
business, but my son is my son.
- All right?
- Yes, I know.
The only reason I am asking is
because your son is afraid to ask.
How about people? They
see a kid without a mother,
and right away they figure they
got a right to stick their nose in.
And I told you, I gotta
get finished with this car.
Is that more
important than Johnny?
Look, do you think I like working
14 hours a day, seven days a week?
You got any idea
how much it costs...
to send a kid through college
and then medical school?
Yes. Yes, I know
it's very expensive,
but did you realize that the Soap Box
Derby finalists win college scholarships?
Oh, well, that's terrific.
Now if I figured like that, I'd take
all the profits from this garage,
and I'd try to win his
tuition in a crap game.
You'd get about the same odds.
Mr. Mills, Johnny's
racer is already built.
Now he'd only have to take
one afternoon off from his studies.
Surely he can spare that.
[Sighs] Ah, this
thing won't budge.
[Grunts]
It come loose.
Mr. Mills, please?
Huh? Please?
All right. All right.
Now you will give him a little
encouragement? He thinks a lot of you.
Yeah, that's his trouble.
He thinks too much of a
$150-a-week grease monkey.
Will you come watch
him race on Saturday?
[Scoffs]
Boy, give 'em an inch.
Lady, on Saturdays, I...
I'm up to my ears in work.
You got so much free
time? You go watch him race.
All right. I will.
[Crowd Chattering]
[Chattering]
Mission accomplished. Mmm.
Johnny, you got
time to put these on?
Hey! Brand-new
regulation wheels!
Now I can pass inspection.
Thanks, Mr. Stephens.
It's okay, Johnny.
You too, Mrs.
Stephens. Glad to do it.
You better hurry up. You haven't
got much time before the first race.
Right! [Laughs]
Look who didn't want to get
involved. Come here. Hmm?
Come on. There
are kids around here.
[Samantha] Yeah. Too bad, huh?
You better get those
wheels on, Johnny.
- We'll be rooting for you.
- Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Mrs. Stephens, you will
watch for my dad, won't you?
I mean, in case he does come.
[Man On P.A.] Contestants for
the next heat... Oh, sure, Johnny.
Are Jim Kleinman,
Johnny Mills, Don Bellow.
[Crowd Cheering]
Ooh, come on, Johnny.
Come on, Johnny.
Come on! Faster!
Come on, Johnny!
Oh, come on, Johnny.
Faster! Come on, Johnny!
[Crowd Cheering]
Ooh! There he goes. There
he goes. There he goes!
He won!
The winner in Class
"B"... Johnny Mills.
He won! I make it 28.7 seconds.
[Man On P.A.] Contestants for
the next heat... That's pretty good!
Are George Cooper, Frank
Healey... I knew he could do it!
Leroy Kravitz.
That-a-boy, Johnny!
Oh.
Oh, there...
there... Oh. Figured.
[Crowd Cheering]
And the winner in Class
"A" is Leroy Kravitz.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. It looks like he and
Johnny will be racing each other.
I'm afraid so.
[Screams] The finals! Abner!
Oh, Flash is gonna be
in the finals! [Laughs]
In that case, I'll
have another hot dog.
The bases are loaded again!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the drivers in this final
championship heat...
of the local Soap Box Derby...
are Johnny Mills
and Leroy Kravitz.
Drivers to the starting line.
Ooh. Remember now to let him
do it on his own. No funny help.
Why, Darrin, do you
think I'd stoop to...
No, but you might get
excited and lose control. Okay.
Oh, they blew it. Uh, who?
Who... Who else? The Mets!
[Crowd Cheering]
Ooh! Come on, Johnny!
Let's go, Johnny. Come
on, Johnny. Come on!
Oh, faster. Faster, Johnny! Stay
back, Flash. Flash, stay back. Oh! Ooh!
Come on, Johnny. Come on.
Oh, he may make it! Come on.
Oh, come on, Johnny. Faster!
Remember, on his own. On his own.
Oh, I promise. Witch's
honor. Come on, Johnny!
Mmm. Go, Johnny!
Go on! Go, go, Johnny!
Faster! Faster! There you
go, Johnny! You'll make it!
Come on, Johnny.
[Screams] He won!
♪♪ [Marching Band] Oh, hi,
Johnny. Oh, he won. He won.
[Man On P.A.] The winner and
this year's champion is Johnny Mills.
See, I told you they were
doing something funny.
Okay, so why don't
you do something funny,
like mind your own
business for a change?
This is my business, and I
think it needs further investigation.
Congratulations, Johnny.
Now I can say that I know a
local Soap Box Derby champion.
Congratulations, champ. Say, you
gave us a bad moment in that last heat.
[Man On P.A.] Attention,
ladies and gentlemen.
There'll be a delay before
the presentation of the trophy.
Will Johnny Mills
and his parents...
please report to the Soap Box
Derby headquarters immediately?
I wonder what that's all about.
Hello, Johnny. I'm Mr. Martin
of the derby rules committee.
Are you Mr. and Mrs. Mills?
Uh, no, we're just friends.
Is there anything the matter?
Well, we've had a
rather strange complaint...
from a Mrs. Gladys Kravitz.
Do you know her?
[Sighs] Well, she's...
I don't like to
say this... weird.
[Martin] She is, isn't she?
And most difficult to cope with.
She has insisted that Johnny here
got illegal help in winning this race.
And of course we've got to clear this thing
up before we can declare him the winner.
I built the car all
by myself. Honest!
I'm sure you did, son, and
I'm sure you can prove it.
Now where are your parents?
Your father did sign the
entry application? Yes, sir.
What, uh... What's the
nature of the charges?
They, like Mrs.
Kravitz, are also weird,
but we're gonna have
a little informal hearing...
as soon as we can
round up all the judges.
Now where is your
father, Johnny?
Well, Mr. Mills was
delayed. He got sick.
He really wanted to
come, but he got sick.
Well, he should be here
to help answer the charges.
Darrin, why don't you go along
with Mr. Martin and Johnny?
I'll phone Mr. Mills and see if
he's feeling better. Don't you worry.
Come along with me.
Come on, Johnny.
Mr. Mills, Johnny needs you.
Johnny never cheated
on anything in his life.
Let him tell the judges
that. They'll believe him.
Well, why should they,
when his own father won't take the
time to come down and stand up for him?
Well, what can I do?
Look, I know it's
tough on the kid,
but there are more important
things than Soap Box Derbies.
Yeah, I agree,
like a boy who has to
say his father's sick...
because he's too ashamed to admit he
isn't interested enough to go to the race.
He gets a roof over his
head and three meals a day...
and a chance to go to college so that he
won't have to pump gas for 12 hours a day.
If that ain't good enough,
that's just too bad.
Oh, please, Mr. Mills.
It'll only take an hour.
Look, Mrs. Stephens. I got three
tires to fix on that one over there.
I have to replace the
carburetor in that one...
and a complete brake
reline on that one back there...
All before 6:00.
If all those things were
done, could you come?
How they gonna get done?
You got a magic wand?
What's a carburetor look like?
Mrs. Stephens, please go away.
Is it that thing?
Yeah. Now go away.
Okay.
Mr. Mills, is that the car without
the tires? It seems to have 'em all.
They was laying on the ground.
Isn't that a carburetor?
Uh... Now nobody can hook
up one of them things that quick.
Well, you must've done it this morning
and forgot. You've been awfully busy.
Did I forget about
the brake reline too?
I don't know.
The heck with it. Let's
go, Mrs. Stephens.
Oh, I, uh... I better
change my clothes.
I can't go looking like a
bum. You look just fine.
Besides, it's a hearing, not a formal
dinner party. Come on. Come on.
Mrs. Kravitz, can you
be a little more specific?
Exactly in what way did
Johnny here get illegal help?
Well, you saw the way he
was behind in the last heat,
and then he caught
up... like magic.
And I don't use
the word loosely.
How about not
using the word at all?
Well, the same peculiar thing happened
when he was racing with my Flash,
and they were just practicing.
[Sighs] What's so
peculiar about that?
Drivers often come from behind.
Both times, Samantha
Stephens was there.
Uh, that's my wife. Uh, she's
sort of been coaching Johnny.
[Gladys Laughs] She's been
doing more than just coaching.
And she's always doing something
more than she should be doing...
when she should
be doing something.
The things I could tell you!
The things I could tell you.
Johnny, did anyone
help you build your car?
No, sir.
Dad!
It's okay, kid. What'd
they say you did?
Mr. Mills, won't you sit down?
We're just trying to make sure
that Johnny built his racer himself.
If he says he did, he did.
Look, I'm a mechanic. If he didn't ask me
for help, why would he ask anybody else?
Now, please, everybody sit down.
Johnny, can you tell us how you
constructed the, uh, brake assembly?
Yes, sir. I used the tools
at school... in woodshop.
I built the car in my
friend Tommy's garage.
We had a bunch of old
tires around the house,
so I used a piece of them
for the braking surface.
I attached the rod to the
front end plate with an eyebolt.
Then for the rear housing, I used
regular door springs and some hinges.
I had a little bit of trouble getting the
regulation three-inch ground clearance,
but after I switched
the hinge, it was okay.
Where did you learn all
that stuff? From you, Pop.
You're the best
mechanic in town.
- Can I say something?
- Certainly, Mr. Mills.
My kid never lied
about anything in his life,
uh, except maybe today,
when he said that I was sick.
I wasn't sick.
I was stupid.
Well, that's all
I wanted to say,
but if you want to
make out that my kid
didn't win 'cause he
got help from somebody,
you better be able
to prove it pretty good.
Thank you, Mr. Mills.
Congratulations, Johnny.
I think we can give you your
trophy and your $500 bond right now.
And we also want you to know...
that we're very proud to have you
represent our city in the finals at Akron.
[Huffs] Come on, Abner.
We don't have to listen
to this. We're leaving.
Are you going with him to Akron?
Why should she go with him?
I'm the kid's old man, ain't I?
Look, lady. How
about taking over the
station while me and
the kid are out of town?
When you show up, things have a
way of working... and working out.
No, thank you,
Mr. Mills. I'm retiring.
By special request.
♪♪ [Marching Band] [Man
Announcing] 70,000 spectators...
crowded the stands of
Derby Downs in Akron, Ohio...
Oh, darling, isn't it wonderful
about Johnny? I just can't believe it.
It's fantastic. There were over
250 local champions competing.
Yeah, well, he won the scholarship.
That's the important thing.
No more problems about college. His
father won't have to worry about that now.
There he is.
♪♪ [Continues]
[Announcer] This year's
winner was Johnny Mills.
As the crowd cheered
the new champion,
Johnny was paraded down the
track on which, only minutes before,
he had beaten two other
finalists in the championship heat.
Johnny qualified for
the All-American Derby...
by beating all other entrants in
the local trials of his community.
At the finish line, Johnny was joined by
his father who shared in the excitement.
If anybody ever made a
boy's dreams come true...
Well, thank you, darling.
You're pretty good at making
a man's dreams come true too.
Careful.
I bet I know what
you're thinkin'. Uh-huh.
There must be an
easier way. Well, there is,
but it might shake
you up a bit. What?
Here we go. All set, Johnny.
I sure appreciate
this, Mrs. Stephens.
If it weren't for you, I'd have no other
way to get down to the track and practice.
I'm more than happy
to help, Johnny,
but I still don't see
the point of practicing...
for a race you don't think
you'll be able to enter.
I guess it's just my nutty
way of hoping against hope.
All right. Stand back.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz.
What are you doing here?
Me? I only happen to be
the aunt of Flash Kravitz,
the fastest Soap
Box Derby racer...
in the future history of
Soap Box Derby racing.
Really? That's wonderful.
Hmm. He's staying with us
until he wins the local races,
and then naturally, he's
going on to win at Akron.
- Naturally.
- What are you doing here?
Oh, I came with my
friend, Johnny Mills.
Well, uh, if you don't
mind, Mrs. Stephens,
I, uh, wish you
wouldn't look at Flash.
Mrs. Kravitz, I'm afraid I
don't know what you mean.
Let's just say
I'm superstitious,
which, incidentally, I
never was, until I met you.
Beat it, kid. I'm Class
"A," and this is a time trial.
- I'm racin' against the clock.
- Well, it won't hurt anything
if I race with you, will it?
In that pile of junk?
Don't make me laugh.
The Gray Goose may not
be painted as fancy as yours,
but I'll bet I'll beat you to the
finish line. Not if you had jet engines.
Now, go back on your skateboard,
kid. I don't race with amateurs.
Flash!
Wait!
You're not gonna
let him race with you?
Well, if he wants to end up
eating my dust, that's his hang-up.
It certainly is.
Ready, set, go!
Come on, Flash!
Get your weight
forward. Come on!
So as Johnny and I drove home, that's
when he asked me if I could keep the racer.
Well, why can't he keep it at
home? Where's he been keeping it?
That's what I wanted to
know, but I didn't find out much.
All I know is there's just
the boy and his father.
He's the garage man.
You know Mills
Auto Service? Yeah.
Well, for some reason, Johnny doesn't
want his father to know about the racer.
That doesn't make any sense.
Who'd be more interested in his own
kid's racing car than a garage mechanic?
Mmm. You figure it out. I
don't want to figure it out.
I don't want to get involved, and
I don't want you involved either.
I'm not involved.
Sam, you're helping a
12-year-old boy deceive his father.
You don't call that
being involved?
Darrin, did you tell your father
everything when you were 12?
We're not talking about me, and
it's been a long time since I was 12.
Want to lick the
spoon? It's chocolate.
Oh, yeah. I love your chocolate.
Sam, that's not fair. [Laughs]
Well, neither is sitting in judgment on a
boy when you don't know the whole story.
Say, have I heard the
whole story? Hmm?
Uh, you didn't interfere when
the boys were racing, did you?
I... I told you, they
were only practicing.
But you didn't tell
me, did you interfere?
Well, if you could call straightening
a wobbly wheel interfering...
I could. [Doorbell Rings]
That must be Johnny. He said he'd be back.
Sweetheart, would you answer the door?
We'll continue this
discussion later.
Not if I can help it.
Mr. Stephens? You
must be Johnny.
Yes, sir. I came to
work on my racer.
I've got a wheel
problem. Uh, so I've heard.
Uh, come inside a minute,
son. I'd like to talk to you.
Sam! We have a guest.
Hi, Johnny. Hi, Mrs. Stephens.
Thanks a lot for keeping my car
in your garage. I was happy to do it.
Sit down, Johnny.
Look what I just made.
You think a little piece would
spoil your dinner? I could risk it.
Johnny, why don't you want your
father to know about the racer?
Oh, lots of reasons... none
of them really very interesting.
Why don't you let us decide
that for ourselves, huh?
Well, Dad doesn't
know I built the racer.
Tommy Summers let
me build it in his garage,
but it was taking
up too much room.
That's why I had to ask you.
Why keep the racer a secret? Your
dad's a mechanic. He could've helped you.
Uh-uh. The Soap Box Derby rule
says you gotta build it all by yourself.
And anyway, you
don't know my dad.
- He'd have thrown a fit.
- Why?
Well, because...
Look. My dad's a great guy...
About the greatest there is...
But he's got this thing
about me becoming a doctor.
What's building a racer got
to do with becoming a doctor?
With my dad, just about everything's got
something to do with becoming a doctor.
- You want to be a doctor?
- Sure. I... I guess so,
if it'll make Dad happy.
Mrs. Stephens, I gotta go.
Thanks for the cake, and
thanks again for keeping my car.
Uh, Johnny, wait a minute.
What are you going
to... Good luck, Johnny.
We hope you win the Soap
Box Derby and become a doctor.
Thanks.
Mrs. Stephens?
I got one other problem.
Okay. You see, they won't
let me race in the derby...
unless my parent or
guardian signs the application.
Well, Johnny, we
can't sign it for you.
Oh, I know that.
That'd be illegal.
Anyway, I was going
to ask my dad to sign it...
after I got the racer all built.
Well, the race is on Saturday,
and I'm kind of
scared to ask him.
Would you?
I'll bet he'd have a tough
time saying no to you.
- Speaking from experience...
- Yeah, I'd be willing to give it a try.
Mr. Mills, don't you understand?
If you don't sign this,
Johnny won't be able to race.
That lousy bolt's frozen. He's
got a very good chance of winning.
And if I don't fix this
buggy by 8:00... [Straining]
I've got a very good chance of getting the
riot act from the guy that owns this car.
Mr. Mills, haven't you got just five
minutes to stand up and talk to me?
Look, Mrs. Stephens, you're a very
nice lady and a very good customer,
and I appreciate your
business, but my son is my son.
- All right?
- Yes, I know.
The only reason I am asking is
because your son is afraid to ask.
How about people? They
see a kid without a mother,
and right away they figure they
got a right to stick their nose in.
And I told you, I gotta
get finished with this car.
Is that more
important than Johnny?
Look, do you think I like working
14 hours a day, seven days a week?
You got any idea
how much it costs...
to send a kid through college
and then medical school?
Yes. Yes, I know
it's very expensive,
but did you realize that the Soap Box
Derby finalists win college scholarships?
Oh, well, that's terrific.
Now if I figured like that, I'd take
all the profits from this garage,
and I'd try to win his
tuition in a crap game.
You'd get about the same odds.
Mr. Mills, Johnny's
racer is already built.
Now he'd only have to take
one afternoon off from his studies.
Surely he can spare that.
[Sighs] Ah, this
thing won't budge.
[Grunts]
It come loose.
Mr. Mills, please?
Huh? Please?
All right. All right.
Now you will give him a little
encouragement? He thinks a lot of you.
Yeah, that's his trouble.
He thinks too much of a
$150-a-week grease monkey.
Will you come watch
him race on Saturday?
[Scoffs]
Boy, give 'em an inch.
Lady, on Saturdays, I...
I'm up to my ears in work.
You got so much free
time? You go watch him race.
All right. I will.
[Crowd Chattering]
[Chattering]
Mission accomplished. Mmm.
Johnny, you got
time to put these on?
Hey! Brand-new
regulation wheels!
Now I can pass inspection.
Thanks, Mr. Stephens.
It's okay, Johnny.
You too, Mrs.
Stephens. Glad to do it.
You better hurry up. You haven't
got much time before the first race.
Right! [Laughs]
Look who didn't want to get
involved. Come here. Hmm?
Come on. There
are kids around here.
[Samantha] Yeah. Too bad, huh?
You better get those
wheels on, Johnny.
- We'll be rooting for you.
- Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Mrs. Stephens, you will
watch for my dad, won't you?
I mean, in case he does come.
[Man On P.A.] Contestants for
the next heat... Oh, sure, Johnny.
Are Jim Kleinman,
Johnny Mills, Don Bellow.
[Crowd Cheering]
Ooh, come on, Johnny.
Come on, Johnny.
Come on! Faster!
Come on, Johnny!
Oh, come on, Johnny.
Faster! Come on, Johnny!
[Crowd Cheering]
Ooh! There he goes. There
he goes. There he goes!
He won!
The winner in Class
"B"... Johnny Mills.
He won! I make it 28.7 seconds.
[Man On P.A.] Contestants for
the next heat... That's pretty good!
Are George Cooper, Frank
Healey... I knew he could do it!
Leroy Kravitz.
That-a-boy, Johnny!
Oh.
Oh, there...
there... Oh. Figured.
[Crowd Cheering]
And the winner in Class
"A" is Leroy Kravitz.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. It looks like he and
Johnny will be racing each other.
I'm afraid so.
[Screams] The finals! Abner!
Oh, Flash is gonna be
in the finals! [Laughs]
In that case, I'll
have another hot dog.
The bases are loaded again!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the drivers in this final
championship heat...
of the local Soap Box Derby...
are Johnny Mills
and Leroy Kravitz.
Drivers to the starting line.
Ooh. Remember now to let him
do it on his own. No funny help.
Why, Darrin, do you
think I'd stoop to...
No, but you might get
excited and lose control. Okay.
Oh, they blew it. Uh, who?
Who... Who else? The Mets!
[Crowd Cheering]
Ooh! Come on, Johnny!
Let's go, Johnny. Come
on, Johnny. Come on!
Oh, faster. Faster, Johnny! Stay
back, Flash. Flash, stay back. Oh! Ooh!
Come on, Johnny. Come on.
Oh, he may make it! Come on.
Oh, come on, Johnny. Faster!
Remember, on his own. On his own.
Oh, I promise. Witch's
honor. Come on, Johnny!
Mmm. Go, Johnny!
Go on! Go, go, Johnny!
Faster! Faster! There you
go, Johnny! You'll make it!
Come on, Johnny.
[Screams] He won!
♪♪ [Marching Band] Oh, hi,
Johnny. Oh, he won. He won.
[Man On P.A.] The winner and
this year's champion is Johnny Mills.
See, I told you they were
doing something funny.
Okay, so why don't
you do something funny,
like mind your own
business for a change?
This is my business, and I
think it needs further investigation.
Congratulations, Johnny.
Now I can say that I know a
local Soap Box Derby champion.
Congratulations, champ. Say, you
gave us a bad moment in that last heat.
[Man On P.A.] Attention,
ladies and gentlemen.
There'll be a delay before
the presentation of the trophy.
Will Johnny Mills
and his parents...
please report to the Soap Box
Derby headquarters immediately?
I wonder what that's all about.
Hello, Johnny. I'm Mr. Martin
of the derby rules committee.
Are you Mr. and Mrs. Mills?
Uh, no, we're just friends.
Is there anything the matter?
Well, we've had a
rather strange complaint...
from a Mrs. Gladys Kravitz.
Do you know her?
[Sighs] Well, she's...
I don't like to
say this... weird.
[Martin] She is, isn't she?
And most difficult to cope with.
She has insisted that Johnny here
got illegal help in winning this race.
And of course we've got to clear this thing
up before we can declare him the winner.
I built the car all
by myself. Honest!
I'm sure you did, son, and
I'm sure you can prove it.
Now where are your parents?
Your father did sign the
entry application? Yes, sir.
What, uh... What's the
nature of the charges?
They, like Mrs.
Kravitz, are also weird,
but we're gonna have
a little informal hearing...
as soon as we can
round up all the judges.
Now where is your
father, Johnny?
Well, Mr. Mills was
delayed. He got sick.
He really wanted to
come, but he got sick.
Well, he should be here
to help answer the charges.
Darrin, why don't you go along
with Mr. Martin and Johnny?
I'll phone Mr. Mills and see if
he's feeling better. Don't you worry.
Come along with me.
Come on, Johnny.
Mr. Mills, Johnny needs you.
Johnny never cheated
on anything in his life.
Let him tell the judges
that. They'll believe him.
Well, why should they,
when his own father won't take the
time to come down and stand up for him?
Well, what can I do?
Look, I know it's
tough on the kid,
but there are more important
things than Soap Box Derbies.
Yeah, I agree,
like a boy who has to
say his father's sick...
because he's too ashamed to admit he
isn't interested enough to go to the race.
He gets a roof over his
head and three meals a day...
and a chance to go to college so that he
won't have to pump gas for 12 hours a day.
If that ain't good enough,
that's just too bad.
Oh, please, Mr. Mills.
It'll only take an hour.
Look, Mrs. Stephens. I got three
tires to fix on that one over there.
I have to replace the
carburetor in that one...
and a complete brake
reline on that one back there...
All before 6:00.
If all those things were
done, could you come?
How they gonna get done?
You got a magic wand?
What's a carburetor look like?
Mrs. Stephens, please go away.
Is it that thing?
Yeah. Now go away.
Okay.
Mr. Mills, is that the car without
the tires? It seems to have 'em all.
They was laying on the ground.
Isn't that a carburetor?
Uh... Now nobody can hook
up one of them things that quick.
Well, you must've done it this morning
and forgot. You've been awfully busy.
Did I forget about
the brake reline too?
I don't know.
The heck with it. Let's
go, Mrs. Stephens.
Oh, I, uh... I better
change my clothes.
I can't go looking like a
bum. You look just fine.
Besides, it's a hearing, not a formal
dinner party. Come on. Come on.
Mrs. Kravitz, can you
be a little more specific?
Exactly in what way did
Johnny here get illegal help?
Well, you saw the way he
was behind in the last heat,
and then he caught
up... like magic.
And I don't use
the word loosely.
How about not
using the word at all?
Well, the same peculiar thing happened
when he was racing with my Flash,
and they were just practicing.
[Sighs] What's so
peculiar about that?
Drivers often come from behind.
Both times, Samantha
Stephens was there.
Uh, that's my wife. Uh, she's
sort of been coaching Johnny.
[Gladys Laughs] She's been
doing more than just coaching.
And she's always doing something
more than she should be doing...
when she should
be doing something.
The things I could tell you!
The things I could tell you.
Johnny, did anyone
help you build your car?
No, sir.
Dad!
It's okay, kid. What'd
they say you did?
Mr. Mills, won't you sit down?
We're just trying to make sure
that Johnny built his racer himself.
If he says he did, he did.
Look, I'm a mechanic. If he didn't ask me
for help, why would he ask anybody else?
Now, please, everybody sit down.
Johnny, can you tell us how you
constructed the, uh, brake assembly?
Yes, sir. I used the tools
at school... in woodshop.
I built the car in my
friend Tommy's garage.
We had a bunch of old
tires around the house,
so I used a piece of them
for the braking surface.
I attached the rod to the
front end plate with an eyebolt.
Then for the rear housing, I used
regular door springs and some hinges.
I had a little bit of trouble getting the
regulation three-inch ground clearance,
but after I switched
the hinge, it was okay.
Where did you learn all
that stuff? From you, Pop.
You're the best
mechanic in town.
- Can I say something?
- Certainly, Mr. Mills.
My kid never lied
about anything in his life,
uh, except maybe today,
when he said that I was sick.
I wasn't sick.
I was stupid.
Well, that's all
I wanted to say,
but if you want to
make out that my kid
didn't win 'cause he
got help from somebody,
you better be able
to prove it pretty good.
Thank you, Mr. Mills.
Congratulations, Johnny.
I think we can give you your
trophy and your $500 bond right now.
And we also want you to know...
that we're very proud to have you
represent our city in the finals at Akron.
[Huffs] Come on, Abner.
We don't have to listen
to this. We're leaving.
Are you going with him to Akron?
Why should she go with him?
I'm the kid's old man, ain't I?
Look, lady. How
about taking over the
station while me and
the kid are out of town?
When you show up, things have a
way of working... and working out.
No, thank you,
Mr. Mills. I'm retiring.
By special request.
♪♪ [Marching Band] [Man
Announcing] 70,000 spectators...
crowded the stands of
Derby Downs in Akron, Ohio...
Oh, darling, isn't it wonderful
about Johnny? I just can't believe it.
It's fantastic. There were over
250 local champions competing.
Yeah, well, he won the scholarship.
That's the important thing.
No more problems about college. His
father won't have to worry about that now.
There he is.
♪♪ [Continues]
[Announcer] This year's
winner was Johnny Mills.
As the crowd cheered
the new champion,
Johnny was paraded down the
track on which, only minutes before,
he had beaten two other
finalists in the championship heat.
Johnny qualified for
the All-American Derby...
by beating all other entrants in
the local trials of his community.
At the finish line, Johnny was joined by
his father who shared in the excitement.
If anybody ever made a
boy's dreams come true...
Well, thank you, darling.
You're pretty good at making
a man's dreams come true too.