Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 3, Episode 14 - Samantha for the Defense - full transcript

In the conclusion of a two part episode, Aunt Clara is able to conjure up Benjamin Franklin, so that he can stand trial for grand theft for allegedly trying to steal an antique fire engine, and so that Darrin will not forgo the $1,000 he put up for bail. The district attorney is determined to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law as he believes that "Benjamin Franklin" - or whoever he is in real life - is purely a publicity stunt developed by Darrin. Believing that hiring a lawyer is not in their best interest, Samantha, Darrin and Franklin have to figure out the appropriate defense strategy, one that doesn't make them and him sound crazy in the assertion that he really is Benjamin Franklin. But known for his eloquence in speech, Franklin talking in his own words may go a long way in helping his cause. A little Samantha witchcraft wouldn't hurt matters either.

[Phone Rings] Yes, Helen.

Mr. Stephens, there's a gentleman from
the district attorney's office to see you.

Well, um, send him in.

Mr. Stephens. Chuck Hawkins.

I'll be prosecuting Benja...
Mr. Franklin, for the city.

Well, won't you sit down,
Mr. Hawkins? Thank you.

I, uh... I hope you don't think
that I had anything to do with this.

You know, Mr. Stephens,
lots of people have

the idea that the
district attorney's office...

is only interested in convicting
people and sending them to jail.

You mean, you have
a bad public image.



Well, the truth is, we're dedicated public
servants. We're concerned about people.

You know, plenty of mayors and
governors have started in my job.

And it would
certainly be a shame...

to hurt a budding political
career by an unpopular case.

Now, if I thought the crime was
serious, I'd prosecute to the hilt.

But, after all, taking a fire engine.
So the old guy's a little eccentric.

No one was hurt. So, instead of
subjecting the people of this city...

to a long and expensive
trial... With lots of publicity.

My office is prepared to reduce
the charge to disturbing the peace.

Now, if Mr. Franklin
will just plead guilty,

I can assure you he'll get a
suspended sentence or a light fine.

Mr. Hawkins, I take back everything
I've ever said about the D.A.'s office.

[Laughs] We don't have to wait
four weeks for a misdemeanor.

Just have him down at
Division 20 day after tomorrow.



Darrin, have you seen this
about your friend Ben Franklin?

It's terrific! Oh,
sorry to interrupt.

You know, you can't
buy this kind of publicity.

I'd like you to meet
Mr. Hawkins of the D.A.'s office.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

The Franklin Electronics Corporation
are going to be in seventh heaven!

- What a send-off
for the campaign.
- So it was a gimmick, huh?

Stephens, the
charge is grand theft.

And I intend to see that
Franklin, or whoever he is,

is prosecuted to the
full extent of the law.

Mr. Hawkins, is the trial
back to four weeks away?

And lose all this
publicity? [Chuckles]

Day after tomorrow,
Stephens. Felony court.

Oh, now there are
TV people outside.

- And it's attracted
the entire neighborhood.
- Oh.

Aunt Clara, you have
to remember that spell.

We have to get Benjamin
Franklin back here. [Doorbell Rings]

Yes. Yes. Uh-oh.
I'll try and stall them.

Samantha Stephens? I'm
Bill Whalen of WXIW news,

and I'd like to speak
to Mr. Franklin, please.

I'm sorry, but he
has no comment.

Oh, but even no comment from
Mr. Franklin is news. Where is he?

Now, that's funny. I've
got something in my eye.

Why don't you come back
when you've gotten it out?

She did it! She wiggled
her nose! I saw her!

I saw the whole thing
from the beginning!

First, pow! Benjamin
Franklin. Next...

Next what? Uh, who are you?

Franklin Pierce, sir, 14th
president of the United States.

- Aunt Clara!
- Oh, I missed it again.

Did I, uh, see what
I thought I saw?

Must have been that
something in your eye.

Aunt Clara, when you
got Benjamin Franklin,

you were trying for an
electrician to fix my lamp.

Yes, that was the spell,
but I couldn't work it out.

Oh, that Gladys Kravitz is telling that
television reporter everything she's seen!

And then she raised
her arms like this...

and said, "Hark ye,
witches who live in lamps..."

Yeah, yeah, lady. Sure. She did!

She said it all!

Aunt Clara,

did it begin, "Hark ye,
witches who live in lamps"?

Oh, that's it, that's it! Hark
ye, witches who live in lamps!

Oh, yes. Hark ye,
witches who live in lamps.

Sam, don't let her point at me!

Darrin, where'd you come from?

Well, I saw the crowd
outside, so I snuck around back.

What is going on?

Aunt Clara's
remembered the spell.

Go ahead, Aunt Clara. Oh.

Hark ye...

Hark ye, witches
who live in lamps,

uh, the power of watts
and "oomphs" and amps,

uh, and, and, um,

the wizards of
AC/DC transmission,

send to me an electrician!

As you were saying,
Mr. Stephens...

Oh! Mr. Franklin, thank
heaven you're back!

I wasn't aware that I'd left.

But if this is the reception
you give return voyagers,

I must go away more often.

What has transpired
during my absence?

Well, for one thing, the
trial's day after tomorrow.

Day after tomorrow?

And the district
attorney's out for blood.

He thinks this whole thing is
some kind of advertising stunt.

Darrin, sh-shouldn't we
get Mr. Franklin a lawyer?

Honey, we can't!
What could we tell him?

Mr. Franklin, couldn't
you defend yourself?

No, that might be unwise, sir. The
man who defends himself in court...

has a fool for a lawyer
and a jackass for a client.

Abraham Lincoln said that.

Abraham who?

Whoever, he stole it from me.

[Samantha] Maybe Darrin's right.

After all, Mr. Franklin,
you are innocent.

Mrs. Stephens, it's the
innocent who need an attorney.

The guilty can lie for
themselves. [Gasps]

Oh, I like that. Remind
me to remember that.

Uh... May I also remind
you that I told you...

the district attorney thinks this
whole thing is a publicity stunt...

and he's going to use that to turn the
jury's sympathy against Mr. Franklin?

Well, we know it isn't true.

The only way we can get
public sympathy on our side...

is for the people to see
and hear Mr. Franklin.

Sam, there isn't time.
The trial is one day away.

Darling, you forget
you're married to a witch.

Now, I can't change
public opinion,

but I can help it
along a little bit.

Boys and girls,

for today's Celebrity
Day assembly,

we are honored
to have with us...

a member of America's
team of astronauts.

It is a great pleasure
to present to you...

someone who could be the
first American on the moon...

Benjamin Franklin.

[Applause]

Thank you.

Oh. Oh, yes,
Samantha, dear. Yes.

Yes, I think I can handle
that. Right. Right away.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, wraps
up this edition of WXIW afternoon news.

This is Bill Whalen signing
off until 6:00 this evening.

Correction, please. There
seems to be one more item.

In response to the sudden
wave of Benjamin Franklin fever...

which is sweeping the city, this
station invites all interested viewers...

to call us collect to
express their opinion.

Oh! I did it! I did it!

Oh, won't Samantha be pleased!

[Man On Radio] This is the real Don
Steele happening on Boss Radio, baby.

And those were the Nebishes
with their latest release...

"Snarl, Baby, Snarl
If You Love Me."

And now, gang, what
you have been waiting for.

The number one sound on
the all new big Boss 30 survey,

Ben Franklin
delivers a speech...

to the Pennsylvania
Constitutional Convention.

How about that, fun devils?

I like it, I like it.

There's a front-page story
on Mr. Franklin in every paper.

Mm-hmm. They've been talking
all day about it on television.

Shall I turn it on? Oh, no,
please. Please, Aunt Clara.

Enough's enough. That
was Larry on the phone.

He can't get it through his
head that all this publicity...

isn't somehow connected with
the Franklin Electronics account.

Um, will it help, sir, if I speak
to the gentleman myself?

Oh, no, no, Mr. Franklin. About
the only thing that would help now...

is for you to be acquitted
and then just to...

Disappear.

I understand. But what
if I'm not acquitted?

What would you do
if you're convicted?

I'd go to jail, madam.

I wish you were a
little more optimistic.

Optimists, madam, believe
that all will turn out for the best.

They are, therefore,
constantly disappointed.

I, on the other hand,
prepare myself for the worst.

Should it not occur, I
am delightfully surprised.

Oh! That's cute.

Now, if you will excuse me,

I must get back to preparing
my address to the court.

Stop worrying.

[Gavel Rapping] Uh-uh. Start.

Ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,

I intend to prove that the
defendant, whoever he is,

has used the honored
name of Benjamin Franklin...

as part of an
advertising campaign,

the sole purpose of which
is to sell transistor radios.

Now, unfortunately, there's no
law against tasteless advertising.

But in the process
of his activities,

the defendant made a mistake.

He stole a valuable public
monument... a rare old fire engine...

that was on display in front
of fire station number three.

Now, such a crime is more
serious than ordinary theft...

because the man who
steals public property...

steals not only from one
man, but from everyone.

Oh, an excellent
point, an excellent point.

It's your turn, Mr. Franklin.

Ladies and
gentlemen of the jury,

human reason is a
very uncertain thing...

because two people
can arrive at diametrically

opposed positions
from the same premise.

Consequently, I think
that a good, sure instinct...

is worth a great deal more.

Now, the district attorney, I fear,
has set himself a very difficult task.

First he must prove
that I stole a fire engine.

Now, what motive could a man
have for stealing a fire engine...

Unless, of course, he
needed one to put out a fire?

And, second, the district
attorney must prove...

that I am not Benjamin
Franklin but, in fact, an impostor.

If he succeeds, I shall
have to conclude...

that not only have I been mistaken
as to my identity all these many years,

but that my honored father and mother
were somewhat confused at my birth.

You are the head librarian at the
main branch of the public library?

That's right. And
is that the man...

who walked into your
library a few days ago?

Yes, that's him,
Benjamin Franklin.

Just yes and no will do.

What happened when
he approached you?

Well, of course, there
was quite a disturbance.

I mean, everyone
started whispering.

And you can't have that
sort of thing in a library.

I mean, there
are signs all over.

[Hawkins] Then you would say
he definitely created a disturbance?

- Yes.
- Uh, what else did he do?

He wanted to pay a library fine on
a book that was 200 years overdue.

He wanted to
pay a library fine...

on a book that was
overdue for 200 years.

Not exactly. You see, he
didn't actually have the book.

But he said that he had
neglected to return it,

and it had been on his
conscience for 200 years.

- Your witness, sir.
- No questions, Your Honor.

You've made my point. I'm
nothing, if not an honest man.

You mean to say that
the defendant actually...

walked out on the stage and made a
speech to the students in the auditorium?

Yes, sir. He did. Well, had
you planned to have him speak?

No, we planned a
totally different speaker.

I don't even know
why I announced him.

[Hawkins] So he completely
disrupted your assembly?

[Man] Well, at first
he did, but then...

Naturally, you were outraged.
Well, yes, in the beginning...

Please, just... Just
answer the question.

He's trying to, but
you won't let him finish.

Boy, would I love
to put a hex on him.

How do you think he'd
look as a duck? Sam!

Go on, sir. But what?

Well, I just wanted to say that he
gave the finest speech I've ever heard.

He talked about America
as the land of opportunity,

an education as
something precious...

Even more precious because
it was available to everyone.

What was the reaction
of the students?

[Man] Well, you know modern
kids are pretty sophisticated.

They can tell a
phony a mile off.

But you could have heard a
pin drop while he was speaking.

And afterwards, they
cheered him for five minutes.

Thank you.

Any more questions for
this witness, Counselor?

No more questions, Your Honor.

No questions, Your Honor.

I think if the jury went out
now, they'd convict the D.A.

Well, I'm ready to rest my case.

I call Darrin
Stephens to the stand.

If only he were
ready to rest his.

And have you ever
discussed the idea...

of using Benjamin Franklin as
part of an advertising approach...

to the Franklin
Electronics account?

I never brought it up.

Well, did anyone in
your office bring it up?

Uh, yes.

- Who?
- My boss.

Mr. Stephens, I just
have one more question.

Who is that man
sitting at that table?

Remember, you're under oath.

To the best of my
knowledge, Benjamin Franklin.

Does he really believe that?

You know something even crazier?

I'm beginning to believe it.

And when Mrs.
Stephens introduced me,

she said they were
going to a costume party.

But I knew that wasn't true.

- You see, she...
- You, uh, didn't believe her?

Oh, of course not. I knew how
he had gotten there. They cast...

[Hawkins] Did Mr. Tate,
Mr. Stephens's boss, join you then?

But I wanted to tell
you... What did he say?

He said, um, "Good night, Ben."

And then he sort of winked.

Thank you, Mrs.
Kravitz. That'll be all.

But don't I get to tell you
what I know about her?

Only if someone asks you.

Your witness, Mr. Franklin.

Mr. Franklin, you can't
cross-examine her.

But I must. Her
testimony's very damaging.

It'll be a lot more damaging
if she gets a chance to go on.

No questions, Your Honor.

That'll be all, madam.
You may step down.

Well!

- The prosecution rests.
- This court will recess
for 15 minutes.

[Gavel Rapping] Time to
start worrying again, right?

Right. It was going fine
until I got on the stand.

I'm afraid, with Mr. Stephens's
testimony and that of the Kravitz woman,

the district attorney has
established a plausible motive...

for someone taking
a vintage fire engine.

Vintage fire engine.

Vintage! I'll be right back.

Mr. Franklin, call me
as your next witness.

[Franklin] Would you tell
the jury, Mrs. Stephens,

where you got the plaque
you hold in your hand?

From the fire engine
at station number three.

Would you read the
inscription, please?

"Benjamin Franklin
Memorial Fire Engine."

Your Honor, I'd like to enter
this plaque as exhibit "A."

Your Honor, may
I ask a question?

- If it's relevant.
- How can the
district attorney...

accuse Mr. Franklin of
stealing his own property?

He hasn't proved he
is Benjamin Franklin.

And you, sir, have not
proved that I am not.

[Gavel Rapping]

I will admonish this
gallery only once.

Another outburst like that, and
I'll have this courtroom cleared.

Thank you, Your Honor.
No more questions.

Do you believe the defendant
is Benjamin Franklin?

Yes. How can you be so sure?

All you have to do is look
at him and listen to him talk.

That's no answer.
How do you know?

Well, if he isn't,

why would he have tried to pay for
a book that was 200 years overdue?

Mrs. Stephens, do you
know the penalty for perjury?

- Oh, hush up.
- Your Hon...

Now, I don't see that it
makes any difference...

whether he's Benjamin
Franklin or not.

He represents
Mr. Franklin, doesn't he?

Now, the district attorney accuses him
of creating a disturbance in the library.

But he doesn't
mention the fact...

that he was honest enough
to pay a 200-year-old fine...

or that Benjamin Franklin
created the first public library.

He also accuses him
of taking a fire engine.

But he doesn't
mention the fact...

that Benjamin Franklin started
the first volunteer fire department.

Aren't you going to
object to this, Counselor?

Doesn't look that
way, Your Honor.

Now, it seems to me
that, whoever he is,

all this gentleman has
done since he's been here...

is to remind us of the wonderful
things that Benjamin Franklin has done...

and of the heritage of
wisdom that he left us.

Now, if I were the
district attorney,

I'd want to thank him instead
of trying to send him to jail.

[Applause]

Objection!

I think you're a
little late, Counselor.

Congratulations,
Mr. Franklin. Thank you, sir.

I knew you could do
it. Congratulations.

Thank you, sir. That
was a great speech, Sam!

Oh, thank you,
Larry. [Gavel Rapping]

Mr. Franklin,

this jury has found
you not guilty...

A judgment in which
the court concurs.

You are free to go, but I would
like to ask you one question.

Do you intend to continue
being Benjamin Franklin?

Your Honor,

I believe that a man's
wisdom, if he have any,

should be left to
future generations...

to measure against
their own circumstances.

If a man lives
beyond his time...

and attempts to impose old
notions upon new generations,

he puts himself in
very grave danger...

of losing any claim
to wisdom at all.

Therefore, Your Honor,

although I shall continue
to be Benjamin Franklin,

for I can do no other,

I shall no longer be that untimely
gentleman in your gracious company.

Good day, sir.

Well, if he isn't,
he ought to be.

Court's adjourned. [Gavel Raps]

Aunt Clara, I don't think
this is such a good idea.

Mr. Franklin, you said
yourself it was time to go back.

And so I shall, sir,

after this dear lady and I have a
night, as you put it, on the town.

But didn't you once say,
"Early to bed, early to rise...

makes a man healthy,
wealthy and wise"?

Yes, I did, I did. But that
was before the electric light.

Don't you think that your escort
should be more appropriately dressed?

I'll get one of Darrin's suits.

No, no, no, no. I can do it.

Is this a button loose on your coat,
Mr. Franklin? Well, I hadn't noticed.

Tarrel, Tarrel,
morning glorious.

Correct "appel"... apparel,

sartor sartorious.

Ooh! Oh, I goofed again.

Oh, no!

No, Aunt Clara.
You look beautiful!

Madam, you are a
vision of loveliness.

Oh, I congratulate you all for living
in this marvelous 20th century...

where such things are possible.

Oh, let us go on, madam.

Well, uh, don't
wait up, children.

Good night.

Oh!

Oh, I'm sure they'll
be all right, sweetheart.

After all, they're
both over 200.