Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 3, Episode 12 - Sam's Spooky Chair - full transcript

How do you do, madam. Is
there something you desire?

No, thank you. Just
browsing. By all means.

- Are you an antique bug?
- Sort of.

Oh, you do have
some lovely things.

Yes, we have some
excellent pieces.

This desk, for instance...
Made in France in 1753.

And priced at only $800.

Eight hundred dollars?
Well, it is beautiful,

but I'm afraid
that I... Yes. Well.

Um, do you have something...

maybe in Early American,
a little less expensive?



Less expensive?

Madam, I sell antiques,
not used furniture.

How peculiar. I thought
I threw this away.

What's the matter with
it? It's a badly made copy.

Terrible workmanship. Not
our class of merchandise.

Oh, well, I think it's
rather fascinating.

Oh? How much is it?

Well, since you're
so interested,

only $100.

Well, I'm not that
interested. Just fascinated.

It's yours for 25 bucks.

Thank you. Madam,
would you do me a favor?

Yes, I'll try.

Don't tell anyone
where you bought it.



Oh!

Really, madam!

Clumsy.

[Phone Rings]

Oh. Oh, Tabatha.

My goodness, you are a
mess. [Ringing Continues]

Oh.

- Hello?
- The Cosgroves will be over for
dinner at 7:30, all right?

Oh, yeah, fine.

Uh, Tabatha's helping.

Your favorite: mushed-up
bananas and spinach.

Made by hand, I hope.

Oh, very definitely.

- Yeah. I'll see you later, honey.
- Okay. Bye-bye.

She making something special?

Mushed bananas and spinach. Ugh.

Much too good for the Cosgroves.

I hate these annual dinners.
Why? It's always at my house.

Larry, they'll renew the
contract. I don't know.

I heard the Fairfield Slee
Agency is interested in the account.

Relax, Larry. With
one of Sam's delicious

dinners in Cosgrove's
stomach, we can't miss.

It's not his stomach I'm worried
about. It's his wife's mouth.

That's right. He doesn't make a
move without her. Mmm, not a move.

You know, I hate to see a
guy depend on his wife like that.

What time are you coming over to
dinner tonight? I better call Louise.

Don't sit there. Go on home
and see if everything's all right.

So early? It's a whole four
minutes before closing time.

Remember that when
I don't give you a raise.

- Honey, I'm home.
- I'm in the kitchen.

Hi, sweetheart. Hi.

Mmm! That smells delicious!

I'm boiling the baby's bottles.

Oh. The dining room
table looks beautiful.

You're going to have the
Cosgroves eating out of your hands.

Good. Then I won't
need any plates. Mmm.

Hey, where did
you get that chair?

At an antiques store. Why?

It only cost $25.
That's a good reason.

Oh, Darrin, I
couldn't resist it.

You could have tried. What
are you gonna do with it?

We could try sitting in
it. Hey, that's an idea.

No, where are you going to put it?
It sure doesn't fit in the living room.

We'll think of something later.

Do you mind if I put it in the
den for tonight? No. Okay.

Okay.

That still smells delicious. Oh.

And so there we were
in Rome. Italy, that is.

Oh. Italy. And I saw
this gorgeous fountain.

And I say, "Isn't that a
gorgeous fountain, Max?"

She's terribly clever. She can
always spot gorgeous fountains.

Oh, that's marvelous,
because most of them...

are so, uh, run-of-the-mill.

- True?
- True! Very true!

Well, it was ridiculous what they
were asking for anything that old.

Why, they constantly try
to cheat you over there.

It's almost impossible to
get your money's worth.

You know you'll get your money's
worth with our campaign, Max.

- [Larry Chuckling] - I know about your
campaign. Don't talk business at dinner.

Where was I?

Oh. You know,

we've been around
the world twice.

Next year we're planning
to go someplace else.

Do you have any
ideas where we can go?

Let's just go into the
living room for now.

- Yes.
- That's not where
I had in mind.

Louise!

I don't think he's gonna sign.

Don't worry, Larry.
There's plenty of time.

Take another pill.

I've already eaten the box.

Where did you get this
ultra-rare and unusual chair?

At a little antiques
shop... Marvelous. I'll

run over there first
thing in the morning.

They only had one. Oh.

That could be a problem.

But not a big problem... not if
you'd consider selling it to me.

Oh, believe me, Samantha, I wouldn't dream
of asking you if I didn't really want it.

Huh?

I-I'd do anything to have
it. It just fits our house.

Doesn't it, Max?

This may be it.
Give her the chair.

Uh, Sam, what do you think?

Well, I rather like that chair.

Honey! [Grunts]

Well... Mrs. Cosgrove,

if you really like the chair that
much, I'd love for you to have it.

Oh, Samantha, that's very
good of you. Uh, baby doll...

Quiet! Angel.

How much do you
want for it, Samantha?

Oh, nothing. It's a gift.

Nonsense. I want to
make a business deal.

So do we. Twenty-five
dollars be too much?

Oh, it's worth much more.

Pay him, Max. Yes, dear.

Well, now that that's all settled,
let's talk some business, Max.

Twenty-five dollars, my
dear. Oh, Max, it's late.

Oh, I can't wait to see
this chair in our living room.

- But the contract!
- Max will sign it
in the morning.

In the morning? He'll
sign it in the morning.

Max, I'll see you
in the morning.

I'll put that in
the car for you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, no, no. Need
a little help, Darrin?

No, Larry, I got it.

It can't be that heavy.

[Both Muttering]

See, that's the way they used to make
chairs. See you in the morning, Max.

[Mrs. Cosgrove] Good night.
Mrs. Cosgrove, good night.

[Mrs. Cosgrove] Thank you
so much. [Samantha] Enjoy it.

- Good night, my dear.
- Good night, Mr. Cosgrove.

You're a very sweet boy, Darrin,
but completely uncoordinated.

Come, Max. Night, all.

Good night. Good night.

Honey, I hope you didn't
mind giving them the chair.

For my part, I was kind
of glad to get rid of it.

Well, I do like the chair, but as
long as it helps you, I don't mind.

Besides, I like you better.

I like you too.

I have a feeling there's
something spooky about that chair.

A spooky chair?
Darrin, that's ridiculous.

[Thumping]

Darrin?

Darrin? Mmm.

What was that? What was what?

That sound.

I heard a noise downstairs.
You must be dreaming.

I don't think so.

Then I must be. Go
back to sleep, honey.

Darrin, I heard a noise.

Maybe it's the baby.

Then she must be
wearing your galoshes.

Say, you are a spooky chair.

When I came downstairs, there
was that spooky chair bowing to me.

Oh, how charming.

Charming? At 4:00 in the
morning? Mother, what could it be?

Well, I've heard of a few of
us who'd turned into objects.

Really? Yes. Some
do when they retire.

Others do when they get angry.

Do you think it
could be dangerous?

I don't know.

Why don't you
test it on Darwood?

Oh, Mother, really.
[Phone Rings]

Darrin doesn't even
know about the chair. Oh.

I hid it before he went
to the office. Hello?

- Hello, Sam.
- Oh, hi, sweetheart.

We were just talking about you.

Mother sends her
love. [Shudders]

Sam, we've got a problem. The chair
has been stolen from the Cosgrove's.

Stolen? Wh...

Darrin, I think you
ought to know that...

Adelaide blames Max for leaving the
door open because he didn't like the chair.

- They're having an argument.
- And while they're arguing,
Max won't sign the contract.

While they're arguing, Max won't sign
the contract. Can you find another one?

I-I'm afraid i-it's
one-of-a-kind.

Darrin, I think you
ought to come home.

- Something wrong?
- No, no, i-it's...

[Low Voice] It's
about the chair.

I can't talk about
it on the phone.

I'll be right home.
Anything wrong?

Something about the chair. Well,
then, go on home. Maybe she found it.

I'll send Louise over to the Cosgrove's.
She's an expert on marital arguments.

She is? Lots of
experience... all with me.

Dear. Mother. Mother?

Oh, boy, you're always around
when I don't need you, but when I do...

What is all that racket?

That's Darrin. I had to
tell him about the chair.

He came home, and now
he's in the study fighting with it.

What do you want me
to do, darling? Referee?

Well, there must be something.

I told you it was
a spooky chair.

And whoever or whatever it
is, it absolutely hates Darrin.

We can't hold that
against it, can we?

I can.

You don't suppose it could
be one of our relatives?

Certainly not!

Not one of our
relatives is in furniture.

Well, it's causing
all sorts of trouble.

I can't give it back to the Cosgroves
if it's bewitched. What am I gonna do?

- Nothing.
- Nothing?

No, not a thing, until we
know for sure what it is.

Well, yes... [Doorbell Rings]

[Gasps] It's Mr. Cosgrove!

[Whispering] Call me back.

[Doorbell Rings]

Oh, h-hi, Mr. Cosgrove.
What a lovely surprise.

My dear, I'm
sorry to bother you.

I was on my way over to the antiques
shop, but I couldn't remember the name.

You know, where you
purchased the chair?

Oh, yes. Darrin told
me about the robbery.

Yes. Adelaide blames me.
She says I left the door open.

Oh, I've just got to find
another one, because...

[Thumping] What's that noise?

Darrin. He's doing
his morning exercises.

Does them every day.
Don't exercise too hard, dear.

Oh, hello, Mr. Cosgrove. I was
just doing my morning workout.

That's it!
That's-That's the chair!

Uh, that's-that's...
our copy. A copy.

I can't tell the difference. Oh,
please let me take this to Adelaide.

She'll love it, and then
she'll love me again.

Oh, but Mr. Cosgrove, it's only
a copy. I mean... I must have it!

Oh, I'm sorry, but when Adelaide
gets angry, I just can't think straight.

Now, what does it cost?
I'll pay anything you ask.

It's very expensive. Much
more than the original.

Good. I do appreciate
this, so just send us a bill.

I want Adelaide to
see this right away.

Why don't you let Darrin
bring it to your house?

I'd rather take it myself. It's no
trouble, and it might scratch your car.

No, the sooner Adelaide
forgives and forgets, the better.

I'll tell Tate to send the contract over
to my house. Thank you very much.

Uh...

I guess he's going to
sign. Well, if he lives.

You don't think that chair's deliberately
trying to blow the Cosgrove deal, do you?

Well, I don't know, but that's
what we've got to find out.

Darrin, go to the antiques store,
find out all you can about that chair...

How old it is, you know.

Meet me at the Cosgroves
right away, and hurry. Right.

Good-bye. Good-bye.

Would you mind babysitting
for a little while? I'd love to!

Don't teach Tabatha
any new tricks.

Oh, killjoy.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to the Cosgroves to
keep an eye on that chair. Oh.

And while I'm gone, why don't
you get in touch with Aunt Hagatha...

and Daddy and
maybe Aunt Enchantra.

They might know
something about it. All right?

Mm-hmm. Bye.

There, my sweet.
Just like the other one.

And I shall guard
this with my life.

Oh, I'm so grateful to
Samantha and Darrin.

My darling, are you all
right? Why did you do that?

But I did nothing,
my love. Nothing.

I never realized...
You're a dangerous man!

- [Doorbell Ringing]
- Go answer the door.

Adelaide, I'm really
not dangerous.

Hi, Mr. Cosgrove, Mrs.
Cosgrove. I was just passing by...

Oh, Samantha. You came just in
time. He just threw me out of the chair.

Really? Darling, I did not.

You did! I was
sitting in it, just like...

Perhaps you shouldn't sit in it, Mrs.
Cosgrove. Maybe it has a broken leg.

She's right, darling.
Please, do be careful.

You see? There's
nothing wrong with it.

Oh, you and Darrin were such...

[Samantha] Oh, dear!

Uh... Oh, uh...

Are you all right? What are
you doing? He tried to choke me!

Darling, you know I'd
never do anything like that.

Your front door was open,

so we just... We
just walked right in.

Hello, everybody.
Hi, Louise, Larry.

Sam. Well, Max. Tate.

Mrs. Tate. Here we
are with your contract.

Oh, this is no time for contracts.
You found another chair.

Is Darrin here?

Max! You broke my chair!

You did it on purpose!
That's it! That's the last straw!

I'm going home to
Mother! Get my suitcase!

Adelaide! Adelaide!
You can't leave me!

Mrs. Cosgrove, really. I'm
sure he had nothing to do with it.

Adelaide! But Max,
Max, the contract!

I can't sign any contract
now! Oh, Mrs. Cosgrove!

[Max] Adelaide!

He'll never sign the contract!
Never! The other agency'll get him.

- Sam, what's going on here?
- [Max] Anything.

Light of my life, I'll give
you anything you want.

Anything. I'll even go to Rome
and buy that fountain for you.

And I'll buy the water!

[Louise] Mrs. Cosgrove,
I'm sure it can be worked out!

Did you find out anything? The
chair was bought at an auction...

in Boston at the
turn of the century.

Which one? Sam!

Boston, huh? What does it mean?

Uh, Boston. Uh-huh.

Beans. Yeah?

Tea party. Uh-huh.

Nothing. Ugh.

Maybe Mother found
something out. You wait here.

[Max] Please, honey
bunch? [Larry] Mrs. Cosgrove!

[Adelaide] My mind's made
up. What's with the Cosgroves?

You heard. You just stay here and
make sure the coast is clear, huh?

Stand up.

Now, come with me.

Mother.

Mother?

Mother, did you
find out anything?

You remember...

Stop it! You remember
the Farnsworth family?

Yes, they lived on
our street in Boston.

Does it belong to
them? Well, sort of.

It's not one of them?

[Gasps] Not him!

Yes. He had Enchantra transform
him when you rejected him.

Reject... Wha... I
never rejected him!

I never even gave him any
encouragement. We were friends.

Not as far as he
was concerned, love.

Oh... Oh, Mother.

What was the spell
Aunt Enchantra used?

The simple one,
without the oxtails.

All right. Thank you.
Now, I think it's time...

for a little
woman-to-chair chat.

I think you're right, dear.

Okay, Clyde Farnsworth.

You just come out
here and face me like a...

A chair.

It won't do you
any good to hide.

I said come here, and I mean it.

Do you realize the
trouble you've caused?

Not just Darrin and me, but look
at the uproar the Cosgroves are in.

You should be
ashamed of yourself.

Clyde, I'm speaking to you.

Now, I might be able to understand,
if you had any sort of excuse, but...

Well, that's no excuse.
That's nonsense.

Now, you did not have yourself turned
into a chair because I rejected you.

I told you on our
first and only date...

that we could never be
anything more than friends.

Oh, Clyde, now if you're
gonna crumble up like that,

we're never gonna get anywhere.

Besides, that's no way
to get my sympathy.

Much.

Look, Clyde, I don't understand.

If you're supposed to be in love with
me, why are you causing all this trouble?

[Louise] Please, Mrs.
Cosgrove, won't you reconsider?

[Adelaide] Reconsider
living with a dangerous man?

[Max] Please believe me.
I'm not dangerous, love pot.

[Larry] Take my word for it,
love pot. I mean, Mrs. Cosgrove.

Sam, what are you doing? What
do you think? I'm talking to the chair.

Ask a foolish question... Darrin,
do me a favor. Go back inside...

and make sure no
one comes out here.

You understand? Yeah, all right.

Oh.

So that's it.

You're jealous of Darrin, huh?

Oh. Now, Clyde, he is my
husband, and I love him very much.

And nothing you can do can
change that. You understand?

Now, I'm going to
give you a choice.

You can either
keep feeling sorry for

yourself and remain
a miserable old chair...

or I can change you back into human form,
but I can't do it unless you're willing.

Good.

Chair of cloth and
wood and grain,

become a human being again.

Oh, Clyde. Why, you
haven't changed a bit.

Not even your clothes.

Samantha, you're as
beautiful as you always were.

Isn't there any hope for us?

- We can still be friends.
- I'd like that.

- Well, I'll be going now.
- Where are you going?

Back to the antiques store. I've
got someone there that loves me.

- Oh, does she work there?
- No. She's a lamp.

Oh. W-Well, uh...
Clyde, before you leave,

could I make a copy of you?

As a chair, I mean. I really need it,
and I can't do it without your permission.

Oh, please, allow me. As
a gift to you. And Darrin.

Oh, well, Clyde, that's
awfully sporting of you.

[Adelaide] I should've listened to
Pa. That's who I should've listened to.

[Larry] Louise, don't just stand
there. What do you want me to do?

[Larry] Mrs. Cosgrove,
please? My mind's made up.

It's all right. Mrs. Cosgrove.

Mrs. Cosgrove? What?

I fixed the chair. How could
you? Max broke the legs.

No, he didn't. It
has collapsible legs,

so I just pushed them back
in place and locked them.

Then Max didn't break
the chair? Mm-mmm.

Oh, Max, I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have blamed you, tweety bird.

Will you forgive me?
Of course I will, cupcake.

Will you forgive me? I
forgive you, huggy bear.

- I forgive you, poopsie.
- Uh, forgive me,
but what about the contract?

Is it all right if I
sign, love pot?

By all means, honey bunch.

Tea, anyone? Oh, delighted!

[All Chattering]

Darling, I'm proud of you.

Well, don't thank me, thank Clyde
Farnsworth. It's a gift from him.

Clyde Farnsworth?
Yeah, I'll explain later.

Sam! Well...