Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 3, Episode 11 - Oedipus Hex - full transcript
The latest diatribe Endora rails against Darrin to Samantha is that she believes he, like all mortal men, enjoys wallowing in the drudgery of work, as work is how mortal men identity themselves. Otherwise, mortal men would be like little children with nothing to do. To prove her point, Endora, without telling either Samantha or Darrin, places a spell on a bowl of popcorn. Anyone who eats the popcorn will forget all about work. It works as Darrin, after eating the popcorn, decides to stay home from work this day, which doesn't bother Samantha in the slightest. However, as more and more men stop by the house and eat the popcorn, the Stephens residence becomes one giant man cave. Having the disruptive group of men around is not good timing for Samantha as she has just volunteered to do some fundraising work with some officious neighborhood women who are meeting at the house. Darrin and his fun loving compatriots threaten Samantha's good standing among the neighborhood women. But when Samantha finally figures out what Endora has done, Samantha tries to use it to her advantage.
Mrs. Dumont? You shouldn't
tempt me, Mrs. Stephens.
I've already had too many.
Well, just perhaps this one.
Mmm. They're delicious.
More tea? No, thank you.
I really must be running.
But you know, I'm so glad you've agreed
to serve on our ways and means committee.
You know, it's a good cause.
And the children really need...
that new playground
equipment in the park.
Oh, I know. And
I'm looking forward to
working with Mrs.
Wheeler and Mrs. Albright.
Oh, they're both such dears.
And you know, they
know just how to get into...
every piggy bank
in the community.
Will you be here tomorrow?
No, I'm afraid not, my dear.
I've got two other meetings.
Oh, Mrs. Dumont. You do so much.
As Herkimer says,
it, uh, keeps me
out of mischief.
- But I'll try to drop by and
see how you're getting along.
- Oh, thank you.
Well, I'm off to the Junior
Philharmonic meeting.
I don't know how I
ever got involved in that.
I know very little about music.
Good-bye.
Hmm.
You know, I'll just hate
myself in the morning.
Thank you. Good-bye.
Bye.
Good morning, Samantha.
Oh, good morning, Mother.
What brings you here so early?
Sheer boredom, darling.
Is, uh... Is
what's-his-name up yet?
Yes, Darrin is up.
But I hated to wake him.
He had a rather restless night.
Fair enough.
I wish he could forget
his work once in a while.
Oh, dear, without their work, men
are nothing. They're like little children.
- Not Darrin.
- He thrives on the aggravation.
He loves feeling
sorry for himself.
Well, personally, I'd like to
have him around a little bit more.
He'd just be underfoot, darling.
Trailing you all
around the house.
Sucking his thumb.
Dragging his teddy bear.
All mortal men are like that.
You just don't know Darrin.
You won't take your wise old mother's
word about human men, will you?
No. Well, you'll learn.
I haven't got time for
breakfast, honey. Hello, uh, uh...
- Uh...
- Darrin!
Oh. That's right.
Please, Endora, not
on an empty stomach.
Stop it, you two.
Talk about children. Now, darling,
five minutes won't make any difference.
Sit down and have
something to eat.
I'm too tense anyhow.
I'll see you tonight, honey.
Popcorn for breakfast?
Why not?
I'll have that breakfast now.
Darrin, what happened?
Nothing. I just got smart.
I got outside and said to myself,
"What are you knocking yourself out for?
Just how important is it,
anyhow? Let Larry take care of it."
Well, darling, I'm proud of you.
I'm not going in
at all today. Good.
You've been doing a lot of extra
work lately. You deserve a day off.
It's astonishing how
relaxed I feel about it.
I've a little shopping to do, and the TV
man's coming. Can I leave Tabatha with you?
Feel free. [Chuckles]
Sorry Mother left.
That makes one of us.
I just wanted her to see that you
can relax and forget your work.
I'll fix your
breakfast. Thank you.
[Knock At Door] Come in.
Milk. No kidding. I thought
you were the mailman.
Yeah, sure. Hey, how about
some nice cottage cheese today.
- Hmm.
- Come on, Mr. Stephens. Be a nice fella.
My boss keeps bugging me
about my cottage cheese quota.
Hmm. That kind, huh?
Oh, you got no idea...
the problems your
average milkman has.
To begin with, I'm dealing
with women all day long.
One wants mango
flavoring in her yogurt.
Another one keeps complaining...
that my nonfat milk
has too much fat in it.
And all the time
I'm standing there,
she keeps dipping into a
five-pound box of chocolates.
Yeah!
- That sounds like
a bad scene, all right.
- [Groaning]
Hey, how come you're
home today, Mr. Stephens?
Simple. I didn't feel
like going in today.
I like that. He just didn't
feel like working today.
Yeah!
[Darrin] Pour yourself
a cup of coffee.
Right. Sit down.
Here. Here's the sports section.
Right. Now, that's what I
call a nice, healthy attitude.
My philosophy is, cottage
cheese is your boss's problem.
Yeah? [Laughing]
Beautiful!
Mr. Stephens was due here for a
meeting with me half an hour ago.
Call his home. Yes, sir.
[Phone Ringing]
That's the phone. Hello, phone.
[Ringing Continues]
Eh, it's not gonna stop.
Happiness House.
- Darrin?
- Hello, Larry. How are you, buddy boy.
No, I'm not sick.
I'm feeling great.
It's my boss.
Are you out of your mind?
Mr. Parkinson is on his way over here.
- [Snickering] Relax, relax.
- What?
Let me talk to him.
Just a minute, Larry.
Hello, Larry.
This is your friendly
purveyor of dairy products.
- What?
- The milkman.
Listen, Larry,
I want you to stop
needling my pal Darrin here.
If he don't wanna come in, he
don't wanna come in. You got it?
Good-bye.
Hey, who do you
like in the fourth race?
Something wrong, Mr. Tate?
His milkman just chewed me out.
I better get over there and
get him, before the squirrels do.
You know what I enjoy
more than anything?
Just lying around taking it easy
watching some other guy knock himself out.
Yeah! [Both Laughing]
You fellas are a big help!
What happened? The cows
turn off the faucets today?
I detect a note
of hostility there.
Sure, I'm hostile.
I deal with nuts all day long,
and you fellas are no exception.
[TV: Western]
- Do you mind if I join you?
- That's the spirit! Sit down!
Be our guest!
The way I feel, I may
never fix another set.
- Darrin?
- Hi, Larry.
- What is going on here?
- What's doin'?
Darrin, you're coming with me
to the office right now! [TV Off]
Hey, fella, we happened
to be watching that show.
- What? And ruin my whole day?
- [TV On]
Uh, Larry, do you mind taking your
high blood pressure someplace else?
What? Darrin, for
heaven's sake! [TV Off]
- You know what's wrong with you?
- Yeah, the people
working for me.
Knock it off, Larry. You've got a
great bunch of people working for you.
Like me, for instance. You just
take things too seriously, that's all.
Why don't you just relax, pal?
Now, just a second.
You're not my pal.
Pal.
Larry, you're getting all
worked up over nothing.
Now, just how important is
Parkinson? I mean, really.
That's a very interesting
question. Let's see, now.
Parkinson. Who's he?
I think you're bluffing.
I will raise you
another million.
[Larry] Okay.
There's that million,
and I'll up you another million.
- Hello, everybody.
- Oh, hello, Mrs. Stephens.
Hi, Sam. Hi, sweetheart.
Hello, darling. Throw
in a million for me. I call.
You're in. What do you got?
A pair of threes.
What about you?
I was bluffing.
Honey, we just made $15 million.
Well, these groceries
cost $17 million.
Easy come, easy go.
Darrin, uh, would you please
take these into the kitchen for me?
Sure. If you can't
wait, deal me out.
[Larry] We'll wait.
Got nothin' else to do.
How about some sandwiches
for us, honey? Uh, hold it, smiley.
Yeah? I'm very glad
to have you home, but...
Why, thank you,
sweetheart. Sandwiches?
All right, but would you mind
telling me what's going on?
What are Larry and the milkman
and the TV man doing here?
Well, you know how I decided
not to go to work today? Mm-hmm.
The idea kind of caught
on. That's strange.
Not at all.
Now, darling, you know I have a very
important committee meeting this afternoon,
so I'll need the living
room. Oh, that's right.
Would you mind telling
the fellas? I will right now.
Thank you. We'll move
the game out to the patio.
Hmm.
[Men Laughing]
[Doorbell Rings]
[Men Laughing, Chattering]
[Ring]
Hello, Mrs. Stephens. I'm Sarah
Albright and this is Mary Wheeler.
Oh, do come in, and
please, call me Samantha.
Thank you.
Oh, what a lovely home you
have. [Laughing Continues]
Oh, that-that's my
husband. He took the day off.
Oh. How nice
that he can do that.
Oh, you have the table
all set up for us. Good.
We can get right down to work.
I can't tell you how much I've
been looking forward to this.
Let me warn you.
Once you get involved,
Lucille Dumont will see to it that you're
kept very busy with committee work.
I like the feeling
of being useful.
After all, our little daughter will be
using that playground equipment someday.
Hey, Sam, Darrin says
we need more sandwiches.
Oh, hi, there, ladies.
Tell Mr. Stephens that I'm
very busy at the moment. Right.
Isn't that our milkman?
I was wondering what
happened to him this morning.
He's some sort of
self-made philosopher,
and he and my husband
got into a deep discussion.
[Men Shouting, Laughing]
And I said to Sgt. McGreavey,
"Good-bye, Sarge.
When I get back,
I'm gonna tell the keeper of
the gorilla cage to expect you."
[TV Repairman] That's funny. I
said the same thing to my sergeant.
[Milkman] No kiddin'?
That's what I said to mine!
Isn't that a coincidence? I
said practically the same thing!
[All Laughing]
You're putting me on!
Look. I've got a very
short fuse, and it's burning!
But Mr. Parkinson...
I'm a very busy man, and
my time's worth a lot of money.
I'm gonna send McMann and Tate a
bill for the half hour I've been waiting...
and in another five
minutes, I go on double time!
- I'll try to reach them
for you, Mr. Parkinson.
- You do that.
Well, how about a raffle?
Let's say 50 cents a ticket?
That means we'd have
to sell 2,000 tickets.
What about 75 cents a ticket?
That sounds better.
[Phone Ringing]
Oh, excuse me.
I'll get it, honey.
Oh, thanks,
sweetheart. Let's see.
Hello. Oh, hi, Miss Stewart.
Yeah, we're here.
Parkinson's there? Well, I
guess never the twain shall meet.
It's Parkinson. Oh,
give him my regards.
Mm-hmm. Sure, I'll talk to him.
Hello, Parky. How are ya?
Larry sends his regards.
Now, cool it, Parkinson.
The layouts are great.
Excuse me.
But today isn't the
day for a conference.
The moon's out of whack or the planets
are in the wrong quarter or something...
Darrin! Will you please
keep your voice down?
Oh, sorry, honey. Hey, Parky,
I can't talk to you anymore.
You're disturbing my
wife's committee meeting.
Honey, about those
sandwiches... Make them yourself.
Okay. Oh, no, never
mind. On second thought...
just stay out of the house
and stay out of my way.
But Sam, I can't eat
any more of that popcorn.
Well, I'm sorry, Larry, but
them's the conditions that prevail.
Oh!
Well, I'd be happy to take
the Maple Heights area.
I'm sure I can get other
women to volunteer.
That's a large area
to cover, Samantha.
Oh, well, it'll give me a chance
to meet some of my neighbors.
Also, it'll give me an opportunity to
see some of the houses from the inside...
that I've been admiring
from the outside.
We all like to do
that, don't we?
[Knock At Door]
Well, my goodness.
It's usually so
quiet around here.
Pardon me.
Where are they? Who?
Those two idiots,
Tate and Stephens!
Well, if you're referring to my
husband and his business associate,
they are in the back yard.
Well, they won't be there long!
Now, just a minute! Don't
let me disturb your meeting.
Mr...
Uh, that was Mr. Parkinson.
He's a very important client.
Now, look here, Tate!
Are you still in the
advertising business,
or are you starting a
retirement community?
[Laughing] Parkinson, would you
mind turning down your P.A. system?
My wife's having a
very important meeting.
This is an outrage! You have a
confirmed appointment with me!
Perhaps we should call off the
meeting and have it some other time.
No. No, no. I-I'm sorry.
Please, let's go on.
I chose your agency because I
thought you were responsible people!
[All Laughing] I set aside
the whole day for you!
Well, you're through representing
Randolph Parkinson Jr...
as of now!
Yea!
Thanks. Thanks
for the lovely lunch.
[Men Laughing]
Instead of having just a routine
printing job done on the tickets,
I'll ask my husband to have
the advertising agency...
design something different and
interesting and arrange for the printing.
Oh, that would be wonderful.
Do you think he'd do it?
I promise you he will.
[Doorbell Rings] Honestly.
Now, who is the untidy little
lady who parked her car...
half on and half
off the curb, hmm?
Uh, do you happen
to be the little lady...
who likes to live
so dangerously?
The gentleman is in the back
yard. I look forward to meeting him.
Well, go right on through,
Officer. Everybody else has.
I may just break down and cry.
And there we were, a bunch of
G.I.s, fresh from the Battle of the Bulge,
when we spotted this
French mademoiselle...
washing her clothes
down by the river.
Who owns the sedan
parked out front?
Oh, I do, Officer.
- [Tears Ticket]
- Thanks.
Aw. Here. Take
care of this, will you?
Client relations is your
department, Darrin.
Right. [Chuckling]
Happy New Year!
Just what do you
think you're doing?
I think you're all crazy.
Deal me in.
[Men Laughing, Chattering]
This is really going
to be quite a job.
[Doorbell Rings]
This is too much.
Now, look here...
Oh. Mrs. Dumont.
We were hoping you'd come.
Well, ladies, how
are we coming along?
Well, we've come
to... [Loud Chattering]
Good gracious!
Hey, there's chicken
in here. Is it dead?
Hey, you got any bologna?
Excuse me.
What in the world?
Hey, you're all out of
milk. I got a truck full of it.
Oh, hi. Hi.
Hi, sweetheart. Hi, Sam.
You want a sandwich,
Sam? How about that?
What? You've got to
get rid of all these men.
Honey, they're just enjoying
themselves, forgetting their troubles.
Well, do they have to forget them in
our kitchen? They're ruining my meeting.
I'm sorry, honey. I really am.
We appreciated the popcorn, but
we're hungry. We're growing boys!
I didn't buy any popcorn.
Right there in the big bowl.
Popcorn. Fellas, fellas, we
owe the ladies an apology.
We've been ruining
their meeting.
Well, let's all go in
there and apologize.
[All Chattering] We'll go
and apologize, sweetheart.
After you. Thank you.
Oh, Darrin. Darrin!
Oh!
Mother.
Now, I know you're
here somewhere.
Mother, you take the
spell off that popcorn!
Mother!
You need a thousand
dollars and you're
going to bother people
with 75-cent tickets?
That's ridiculous! That's
the way we've always done it.
Well, forget it. We'll
get you the money, huh?
Right. Ladies, I
think it's time we left.
No, you don't. You sit right down
and we'll show you how it's done.
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes.
For a charming
woman like you, madam,
the world!
All right, men. Line
up by the phone.
Here we go. Let's go, Larry.
Speaking for myself,
this is just a waste of time.
Maybe we should
reconsider the, uh,
composition of this committee.
Popcorn, ladies,
please? Ooh, thank you.
How nice. Mmm! Thank you.
Hello, Joe? Randolph Parkinson.
Some ladies are raising money for
playground equipment in the park.
I got you down for a
hundred dollars. Good!
Good!
Look, I've seen you spend more in
the country club bar in an afternoon!
Fifty dollars, you're down for.
Oh, listen, and put the
bite on Les, Jimmy and Al.
Stop crying, Jerry. You live
in the community, don't you?
And you've got a kid. Loosen
up. You can't take it with you.
Scratch my back and I'll
scratch yours, Mr. Waggoner.
Send in a contribution to the ladies
and I'll double my cottage cheese quota.
Fair?
Isn't he cute?
Sergeant, the
playground's in this precinct,
and it'll keep the
kids off the street.
Well, that's very generous
of you, Mr. Andrews.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
We made it. Come on, men.
There you are, ladies. You'll have
over $1,500 sometime tomorrow.
You oversubscribed.
That's wonderful.
We're grateful.
I must say I've enjoyed sitting here
and eating this marvelous popcorn.
But I'm kind of sorry we shan't
need our committee anymore.
So am I. Thank you very much.
Well, not at all. Not at all.
Well, ladies, would you
like some cottage cheese?
Chocolate milk for
you. Fresh milk for you.
And nonfat. Nonfat. And
cottage cheese for you.
All right, Mother. Come out,
come out, wherever you are.
You called me,
dear? All right, Mother.
You've had your jollies for
the day. You've had your laugh.
Now, please,
take that spell off.
Anything to please
my little love.
Women and children first. Good.
We'll have a party! Oh!
I'm half an hour late
for my next meeting.
Oh, I have a roast in the
oven! I have to pick up Bobby.
[Men Chattering]
Good-bye. Good-bye.
[Chattering]
Tate. Tate!
Now, where are my layouts? Fun's
fun and all that, but business is business!
Right, right. You're
perfectly right.
Darrin, what are you doing
here? You should be at the office.
I'm on my way, Larry. Would you
please get your truck out of my driveway?
Yes, sir, Mr. Stephens.
Hey, would you please buy...
a couple of quarts of cottage
cheese from me, huh, please?
Stop bugging me! I got a million
calls to make! I can't even finish lunch!
Out of my way! Just a moment!
Little souvenir for ya. Huh?
Oh, thanks. Here.
Darrin, you're client relations.
Bye, darling.
It was a very relaxing
morning. I'll do this more often.
I hope not.
tempt me, Mrs. Stephens.
I've already had too many.
Well, just perhaps this one.
Mmm. They're delicious.
More tea? No, thank you.
I really must be running.
But you know, I'm so glad you've agreed
to serve on our ways and means committee.
You know, it's a good cause.
And the children really need...
that new playground
equipment in the park.
Oh, I know. And
I'm looking forward to
working with Mrs.
Wheeler and Mrs. Albright.
Oh, they're both such dears.
And you know, they
know just how to get into...
every piggy bank
in the community.
Will you be here tomorrow?
No, I'm afraid not, my dear.
I've got two other meetings.
Oh, Mrs. Dumont. You do so much.
As Herkimer says,
it, uh, keeps me
out of mischief.
- But I'll try to drop by and
see how you're getting along.
- Oh, thank you.
Well, I'm off to the Junior
Philharmonic meeting.
I don't know how I
ever got involved in that.
I know very little about music.
Good-bye.
Hmm.
You know, I'll just hate
myself in the morning.
Thank you. Good-bye.
Bye.
Good morning, Samantha.
Oh, good morning, Mother.
What brings you here so early?
Sheer boredom, darling.
Is, uh... Is
what's-his-name up yet?
Yes, Darrin is up.
But I hated to wake him.
He had a rather restless night.
Fair enough.
I wish he could forget
his work once in a while.
Oh, dear, without their work, men
are nothing. They're like little children.
- Not Darrin.
- He thrives on the aggravation.
He loves feeling
sorry for himself.
Well, personally, I'd like to
have him around a little bit more.
He'd just be underfoot, darling.
Trailing you all
around the house.
Sucking his thumb.
Dragging his teddy bear.
All mortal men are like that.
You just don't know Darrin.
You won't take your wise old mother's
word about human men, will you?
No. Well, you'll learn.
I haven't got time for
breakfast, honey. Hello, uh, uh...
- Uh...
- Darrin!
Oh. That's right.
Please, Endora, not
on an empty stomach.
Stop it, you two.
Talk about children. Now, darling,
five minutes won't make any difference.
Sit down and have
something to eat.
I'm too tense anyhow.
I'll see you tonight, honey.
Popcorn for breakfast?
Why not?
I'll have that breakfast now.
Darrin, what happened?
Nothing. I just got smart.
I got outside and said to myself,
"What are you knocking yourself out for?
Just how important is it,
anyhow? Let Larry take care of it."
Well, darling, I'm proud of you.
I'm not going in
at all today. Good.
You've been doing a lot of extra
work lately. You deserve a day off.
It's astonishing how
relaxed I feel about it.
I've a little shopping to do, and the TV
man's coming. Can I leave Tabatha with you?
Feel free. [Chuckles]
Sorry Mother left.
That makes one of us.
I just wanted her to see that you
can relax and forget your work.
I'll fix your
breakfast. Thank you.
[Knock At Door] Come in.
Milk. No kidding. I thought
you were the mailman.
Yeah, sure. Hey, how about
some nice cottage cheese today.
- Hmm.
- Come on, Mr. Stephens. Be a nice fella.
My boss keeps bugging me
about my cottage cheese quota.
Hmm. That kind, huh?
Oh, you got no idea...
the problems your
average milkman has.
To begin with, I'm dealing
with women all day long.
One wants mango
flavoring in her yogurt.
Another one keeps complaining...
that my nonfat milk
has too much fat in it.
And all the time
I'm standing there,
she keeps dipping into a
five-pound box of chocolates.
Yeah!
- That sounds like
a bad scene, all right.
- [Groaning]
Hey, how come you're
home today, Mr. Stephens?
Simple. I didn't feel
like going in today.
I like that. He just didn't
feel like working today.
Yeah!
[Darrin] Pour yourself
a cup of coffee.
Right. Sit down.
Here. Here's the sports section.
Right. Now, that's what I
call a nice, healthy attitude.
My philosophy is, cottage
cheese is your boss's problem.
Yeah? [Laughing]
Beautiful!
Mr. Stephens was due here for a
meeting with me half an hour ago.
Call his home. Yes, sir.
[Phone Ringing]
That's the phone. Hello, phone.
[Ringing Continues]
Eh, it's not gonna stop.
Happiness House.
- Darrin?
- Hello, Larry. How are you, buddy boy.
No, I'm not sick.
I'm feeling great.
It's my boss.
Are you out of your mind?
Mr. Parkinson is on his way over here.
- [Snickering] Relax, relax.
- What?
Let me talk to him.
Just a minute, Larry.
Hello, Larry.
This is your friendly
purveyor of dairy products.
- What?
- The milkman.
Listen, Larry,
I want you to stop
needling my pal Darrin here.
If he don't wanna come in, he
don't wanna come in. You got it?
Good-bye.
Hey, who do you
like in the fourth race?
Something wrong, Mr. Tate?
His milkman just chewed me out.
I better get over there and
get him, before the squirrels do.
You know what I enjoy
more than anything?
Just lying around taking it easy
watching some other guy knock himself out.
Yeah! [Both Laughing]
You fellas are a big help!
What happened? The cows
turn off the faucets today?
I detect a note
of hostility there.
Sure, I'm hostile.
I deal with nuts all day long,
and you fellas are no exception.
[TV: Western]
- Do you mind if I join you?
- That's the spirit! Sit down!
Be our guest!
The way I feel, I may
never fix another set.
- Darrin?
- Hi, Larry.
- What is going on here?
- What's doin'?
Darrin, you're coming with me
to the office right now! [TV Off]
Hey, fella, we happened
to be watching that show.
- What? And ruin my whole day?
- [TV On]
Uh, Larry, do you mind taking your
high blood pressure someplace else?
What? Darrin, for
heaven's sake! [TV Off]
- You know what's wrong with you?
- Yeah, the people
working for me.
Knock it off, Larry. You've got a
great bunch of people working for you.
Like me, for instance. You just
take things too seriously, that's all.
Why don't you just relax, pal?
Now, just a second.
You're not my pal.
Pal.
Larry, you're getting all
worked up over nothing.
Now, just how important is
Parkinson? I mean, really.
That's a very interesting
question. Let's see, now.
Parkinson. Who's he?
I think you're bluffing.
I will raise you
another million.
[Larry] Okay.
There's that million,
and I'll up you another million.
- Hello, everybody.
- Oh, hello, Mrs. Stephens.
Hi, Sam. Hi, sweetheart.
Hello, darling. Throw
in a million for me. I call.
You're in. What do you got?
A pair of threes.
What about you?
I was bluffing.
Honey, we just made $15 million.
Well, these groceries
cost $17 million.
Easy come, easy go.
Darrin, uh, would you please
take these into the kitchen for me?
Sure. If you can't
wait, deal me out.
[Larry] We'll wait.
Got nothin' else to do.
How about some sandwiches
for us, honey? Uh, hold it, smiley.
Yeah? I'm very glad
to have you home, but...
Why, thank you,
sweetheart. Sandwiches?
All right, but would you mind
telling me what's going on?
What are Larry and the milkman
and the TV man doing here?
Well, you know how I decided
not to go to work today? Mm-hmm.
The idea kind of caught
on. That's strange.
Not at all.
Now, darling, you know I have a very
important committee meeting this afternoon,
so I'll need the living
room. Oh, that's right.
Would you mind telling
the fellas? I will right now.
Thank you. We'll move
the game out to the patio.
Hmm.
[Men Laughing]
[Doorbell Rings]
[Men Laughing, Chattering]
[Ring]
Hello, Mrs. Stephens. I'm Sarah
Albright and this is Mary Wheeler.
Oh, do come in, and
please, call me Samantha.
Thank you.
Oh, what a lovely home you
have. [Laughing Continues]
Oh, that-that's my
husband. He took the day off.
Oh. How nice
that he can do that.
Oh, you have the table
all set up for us. Good.
We can get right down to work.
I can't tell you how much I've
been looking forward to this.
Let me warn you.
Once you get involved,
Lucille Dumont will see to it that you're
kept very busy with committee work.
I like the feeling
of being useful.
After all, our little daughter will be
using that playground equipment someday.
Hey, Sam, Darrin says
we need more sandwiches.
Oh, hi, there, ladies.
Tell Mr. Stephens that I'm
very busy at the moment. Right.
Isn't that our milkman?
I was wondering what
happened to him this morning.
He's some sort of
self-made philosopher,
and he and my husband
got into a deep discussion.
[Men Shouting, Laughing]
And I said to Sgt. McGreavey,
"Good-bye, Sarge.
When I get back,
I'm gonna tell the keeper of
the gorilla cage to expect you."
[TV Repairman] That's funny. I
said the same thing to my sergeant.
[Milkman] No kiddin'?
That's what I said to mine!
Isn't that a coincidence? I
said practically the same thing!
[All Laughing]
You're putting me on!
Look. I've got a very
short fuse, and it's burning!
But Mr. Parkinson...
I'm a very busy man, and
my time's worth a lot of money.
I'm gonna send McMann and Tate a
bill for the half hour I've been waiting...
and in another five
minutes, I go on double time!
- I'll try to reach them
for you, Mr. Parkinson.
- You do that.
Well, how about a raffle?
Let's say 50 cents a ticket?
That means we'd have
to sell 2,000 tickets.
What about 75 cents a ticket?
That sounds better.
[Phone Ringing]
Oh, excuse me.
I'll get it, honey.
Oh, thanks,
sweetheart. Let's see.
Hello. Oh, hi, Miss Stewart.
Yeah, we're here.
Parkinson's there? Well, I
guess never the twain shall meet.
It's Parkinson. Oh,
give him my regards.
Mm-hmm. Sure, I'll talk to him.
Hello, Parky. How are ya?
Larry sends his regards.
Now, cool it, Parkinson.
The layouts are great.
Excuse me.
But today isn't the
day for a conference.
The moon's out of whack or the planets
are in the wrong quarter or something...
Darrin! Will you please
keep your voice down?
Oh, sorry, honey. Hey, Parky,
I can't talk to you anymore.
You're disturbing my
wife's committee meeting.
Honey, about those
sandwiches... Make them yourself.
Okay. Oh, no, never
mind. On second thought...
just stay out of the house
and stay out of my way.
But Sam, I can't eat
any more of that popcorn.
Well, I'm sorry, Larry, but
them's the conditions that prevail.
Oh!
Well, I'd be happy to take
the Maple Heights area.
I'm sure I can get other
women to volunteer.
That's a large area
to cover, Samantha.
Oh, well, it'll give me a chance
to meet some of my neighbors.
Also, it'll give me an opportunity to
see some of the houses from the inside...
that I've been admiring
from the outside.
We all like to do
that, don't we?
[Knock At Door]
Well, my goodness.
It's usually so
quiet around here.
Pardon me.
Where are they? Who?
Those two idiots,
Tate and Stephens!
Well, if you're referring to my
husband and his business associate,
they are in the back yard.
Well, they won't be there long!
Now, just a minute! Don't
let me disturb your meeting.
Mr...
Uh, that was Mr. Parkinson.
He's a very important client.
Now, look here, Tate!
Are you still in the
advertising business,
or are you starting a
retirement community?
[Laughing] Parkinson, would you
mind turning down your P.A. system?
My wife's having a
very important meeting.
This is an outrage! You have a
confirmed appointment with me!
Perhaps we should call off the
meeting and have it some other time.
No. No, no. I-I'm sorry.
Please, let's go on.
I chose your agency because I
thought you were responsible people!
[All Laughing] I set aside
the whole day for you!
Well, you're through representing
Randolph Parkinson Jr...
as of now!
Yea!
Thanks. Thanks
for the lovely lunch.
[Men Laughing]
Instead of having just a routine
printing job done on the tickets,
I'll ask my husband to have
the advertising agency...
design something different and
interesting and arrange for the printing.
Oh, that would be wonderful.
Do you think he'd do it?
I promise you he will.
[Doorbell Rings] Honestly.
Now, who is the untidy little
lady who parked her car...
half on and half
off the curb, hmm?
Uh, do you happen
to be the little lady...
who likes to live
so dangerously?
The gentleman is in the back
yard. I look forward to meeting him.
Well, go right on through,
Officer. Everybody else has.
I may just break down and cry.
And there we were, a bunch of
G.I.s, fresh from the Battle of the Bulge,
when we spotted this
French mademoiselle...
washing her clothes
down by the river.
Who owns the sedan
parked out front?
Oh, I do, Officer.
- [Tears Ticket]
- Thanks.
Aw. Here. Take
care of this, will you?
Client relations is your
department, Darrin.
Right. [Chuckling]
Happy New Year!
Just what do you
think you're doing?
I think you're all crazy.
Deal me in.
[Men Laughing, Chattering]
This is really going
to be quite a job.
[Doorbell Rings]
This is too much.
Now, look here...
Oh. Mrs. Dumont.
We were hoping you'd come.
Well, ladies, how
are we coming along?
Well, we've come
to... [Loud Chattering]
Good gracious!
Hey, there's chicken
in here. Is it dead?
Hey, you got any bologna?
Excuse me.
What in the world?
Hey, you're all out of
milk. I got a truck full of it.
Oh, hi. Hi.
Hi, sweetheart. Hi, Sam.
You want a sandwich,
Sam? How about that?
What? You've got to
get rid of all these men.
Honey, they're just enjoying
themselves, forgetting their troubles.
Well, do they have to forget them in
our kitchen? They're ruining my meeting.
I'm sorry, honey. I really am.
We appreciated the popcorn, but
we're hungry. We're growing boys!
I didn't buy any popcorn.
Right there in the big bowl.
Popcorn. Fellas, fellas, we
owe the ladies an apology.
We've been ruining
their meeting.
Well, let's all go in
there and apologize.
[All Chattering] We'll go
and apologize, sweetheart.
After you. Thank you.
Oh, Darrin. Darrin!
Oh!
Mother.
Now, I know you're
here somewhere.
Mother, you take the
spell off that popcorn!
Mother!
You need a thousand
dollars and you're
going to bother people
with 75-cent tickets?
That's ridiculous! That's
the way we've always done it.
Well, forget it. We'll
get you the money, huh?
Right. Ladies, I
think it's time we left.
No, you don't. You sit right down
and we'll show you how it's done.
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes.
For a charming
woman like you, madam,
the world!
All right, men. Line
up by the phone.
Here we go. Let's go, Larry.
Speaking for myself,
this is just a waste of time.
Maybe we should
reconsider the, uh,
composition of this committee.
Popcorn, ladies,
please? Ooh, thank you.
How nice. Mmm! Thank you.
Hello, Joe? Randolph Parkinson.
Some ladies are raising money for
playground equipment in the park.
I got you down for a
hundred dollars. Good!
Good!
Look, I've seen you spend more in
the country club bar in an afternoon!
Fifty dollars, you're down for.
Oh, listen, and put the
bite on Les, Jimmy and Al.
Stop crying, Jerry. You live
in the community, don't you?
And you've got a kid. Loosen
up. You can't take it with you.
Scratch my back and I'll
scratch yours, Mr. Waggoner.
Send in a contribution to the ladies
and I'll double my cottage cheese quota.
Fair?
Isn't he cute?
Sergeant, the
playground's in this precinct,
and it'll keep the
kids off the street.
Well, that's very generous
of you, Mr. Andrews.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
We made it. Come on, men.
There you are, ladies. You'll have
over $1,500 sometime tomorrow.
You oversubscribed.
That's wonderful.
We're grateful.
I must say I've enjoyed sitting here
and eating this marvelous popcorn.
But I'm kind of sorry we shan't
need our committee anymore.
So am I. Thank you very much.
Well, not at all. Not at all.
Well, ladies, would you
like some cottage cheese?
Chocolate milk for
you. Fresh milk for you.
And nonfat. Nonfat. And
cottage cheese for you.
All right, Mother. Come out,
come out, wherever you are.
You called me,
dear? All right, Mother.
You've had your jollies for
the day. You've had your laugh.
Now, please,
take that spell off.
Anything to please
my little love.
Women and children first. Good.
We'll have a party! Oh!
I'm half an hour late
for my next meeting.
Oh, I have a roast in the
oven! I have to pick up Bobby.
[Men Chattering]
Good-bye. Good-bye.
[Chattering]
Tate. Tate!
Now, where are my layouts? Fun's
fun and all that, but business is business!
Right, right. You're
perfectly right.
Darrin, what are you doing
here? You should be at the office.
I'm on my way, Larry. Would you
please get your truck out of my driveway?
Yes, sir, Mr. Stephens.
Hey, would you please buy...
a couple of quarts of cottage
cheese from me, huh, please?
Stop bugging me! I got a million
calls to make! I can't even finish lunch!
Out of my way! Just a moment!
Little souvenir for ya. Huh?
Oh, thanks. Here.
Darrin, you're client relations.
Bye, darling.
It was a very relaxing
morning. I'll do this more often.
I hope not.