Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 2, Episode 5 - The Joker Is a Card - full transcript
Uncle Arthur makes his first practical joke laden visit.
I'm so sorry I'm late,
but I ran into a slight headwind
on my way back from Paris.
Oh, Samantha, the
table looks lovely.
Thank you, Mother.
DARRIN: Hi, Mom.
How are you, Darrin?
Darrin?
The name is unfamiliar to you?
No, but I thought it
was unfamiliar to you.
I'll make an agreement with you.
I'll try to remember your name
if you promise never
to call me "Mom."
Why don't you
open the wine, dear.
May I be of assistance?
Mother. Yes?
Darrin can handle it
very well by himself.
I thought you
agreed to be pleasant.
Well, now, don't look at me.
I find your practical
joke vastly unamusing.
My practical joke?
If you think I had
anything to do with this,
you've flipped your cork.
Come now, you two.
It must have been a slip-up
at the bottling
plant... or something.
What's in the box?
Oh.
A little something I
brought for dessert.
I bought it in Paris
this afternoon.
Oh.
Mother, I didn't know
Maxim's had a catering service.
Oh!
Really, Samantha.
What's got into you?
Well, Mother, I
didn't do anything.
Don't try to pin this on Sam.
It's perfectly obvious to me
who the practical joker is.
Oh, how dare you!
I would never debase my
abilities to do anything like...
Mother! What?
Practical joker.
I fail to see
what... Oh! Oh, no!
[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]
Uncle Arthur?
Uncle Arthur?
Are you in there?
Sam, what's going on?
I'll explain it to you
in a moment, darling.
The serving dish.
I bet you're right.
Got you now, Uncle Arthur.
Forgive me for not rising,
but I'm up to my neck in work.
Darrin, say hello
to Uncle Arthur.
[♪♪♪]
That's all I need, a
practical-joking warlock.
I'm sorry, darling.
I suppose I should've told
you about Uncle Arthur,
but, well, he's sort of the
black sheep of the family.
I can understand why.
Now, I love him despite
his practical jokes.
He's my favorite uncle.
Why, do you know,
when I was a little girl,
he taught me to
make my first pony?
Honey, I don't care.
I don't want... He what?
I was only 4.
I couldn't get the spell right.
I remember I got one
horseshoe and the saddle,
but I just couldn't... Sam.
What are we going
to do about him?
Try and put up with his
bad jokes and be nice to him.
Please?
Then I spent the
summer hunting lions
with a British expedition.
One morning I shot
a lion in my pajamas.
Now, what he was doing in
my pajamas I'll never know.
Cream, Darrin?
Yes, please.
Help yourself.
Forgive me.
I just can't help
milking a joke!
I, uh, really break
you up, don't I?
Oh, don't be a party poop!
You got it, didn't you, Darrin?
Your brand of low comedy
always did appeal to
adolescent mentality!
Mother!
What do you mean,
"adolescent mentality"?
I think it's fairly obvious.
Now, just a minute.
Here, Mother.
Why don't you try
the dessert. Oh.
It's simply delicious.
Thank you, dear.
[ARTHUR LAUGHING]
I got you that time.
You certainly did.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Uncle Arthur, how could you?
Oh, Mother! [LAUGHING CONTINUES]
Darrin, get a towel.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
It isn't funny.
[STIFLING LAUGHTER]
Honey, I can't help it.
After all, I have an
adolescent mentality.
So you have.
And you may as
well look the part.
Now then, Ringo.
Laugh your head off!
Endora, come back!
Sam, make her come back.
You shouldn't have
made fun of her, Darrin.
Mother is very sensitive.
She's sensitive?
You promised to make an effort.
I...
[DOOR SLAMS]
Endora gives you a
real hard time, huh?
In a word, yes.
Well, she always was a
bit of a stick in the mud.
You gotta stand up
to her, young fella.
No, thanks.
I have no desire to
be turned into a toad.
There's another
way to stop her. Mm?
I'll teach you a little
magic of your own.
No, no. Arthur, I'm mortal.
Well, nobody's perfect, Darrin.
Besides, down through history
many fine people
have been humans.
Look, I just meant I
can't perform magic.
Sure you can.
Nothing fancy, of course,
but enough to give her a jolt
the next time she
gets a little nasty.
No, thanks.
There's enough witchcraft
in the family as it is.
No offense.
Please, let me teach
you one little trick.
I'm very good with novices.
No, Arthur.
You see, Sam and I
have an agreement.
No witchcraft.
We're going to live
like normal people.
Your mother-in-law
just turned you
into Prince Valiant.
That's normal living?
I will not stoop to her methods.
We're going to cope
with our problems my way.
Well, while you're
at the barber shop,
you better think it over, fella.
No, Arthur. Absolutely no.
No witchcraft!
What the...?
Enjoy your trip? Ha, ha, ha!
Arthur.
Did you reconsider?
Look, once and for
all, no magic lessons.
Now, stop bothering me!
Well, if at first
you don't succeed,
nag, nag, nag.
Miss Grant, will you please
send the Foster layout
down to the conference room?
Yes, sir.
And Mrs. Stephens is on three.
Oh, thank you.
Hello, honey. I
can't talk too long.
I have a presentation to make.
Now, this won't
take long, Darrin.
Mother is here.
I just thought it
might be a nice idea
if you said a few words to her.
He won't apologize.
He still hasn't
learned his lesson.
I heard that, and
you can tell her
I'm not a child who has
to be taught a lesson.
And what's more,
you can tell her
that I can take anything
she can dish out.
Better let me help you.
Talking to Endora that
way is just asking for trouble.
Well, I can face any trouble
she can give me like a man,
not like a witch.
And will you please let me
cope with things in my own way?
Who were you talking to?
Uh, the window washer.
Are you feeling okay?
Sure, fine.
Let's go.
[CLUNKING]
Not exactly Jack Be
Nimble today, are you?
I'll be fine
if you'll just take
this off my foot.
Thanks, Larry.
And that should give
you a general idea
of our approach to your
campaign, Mr. Foster.
Well, Stephens, I like it.
It feels bright, contemporary.
But I'm not clear on
the television aspect
of this thing.
It's very simple.
Our commercials will stress
the utility of the EZ-Open Door.
Our model housewife
will return from shopping,
her arms loaded with groceries,
and with just a
touch of a finger...
Just a... slight...
What is it?
It won't open.
Of course it will.
What's the matter
with you today?
Anyone would
think you're jinxed!
Jinxed! Endora!
What? Never mind.
You keep working.
I'll keep talking.
Mr. Foster, let me
digress for a moment.
I would like you to re-examine
the marketing figures.
As you can see, ah,
on this chart, we have...
Got it!
She's not going
to get away with it!
She's not going to ruin my life!
Offer's still good.
One shot, and you're the
master of your own fate.
Come on, just one little spell.
That's all you need.
All right, I'll do it.
When do we start?
[THUNDER CRASHES]
You've already started.
Now, the spell consists
of two components.
First, the incantation.
It's in longhand.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
You said the spell had
two components. Correct.
The incantation, which
you have, and these.
[RINGING]
[BUZZING]
A cowbell and a duck call?
Are you putting me on?
Try to understand Darrin.
You're only a mortal.
No offense.
I don't see what a cowbell
and a duck call is going...
Darrin, for a mortal
to work magic,
he needs a little reinforcement.
In this case, it's
sound effects.
You use the bell... [RINGING]
and the duck call... [BUZZING]
at the end of each
phrase of the incantation.
It's all marked out for you.
Go ahead, try it. Don't be shy.
"Yaga-zuzzie. Yaga-zuzzie...
No, no. "Zoozie."
"Zoozie." "Yaga-zoozie."
"Yaga-zoozie." "Yaga-zoozie."
"Yaga-zoozie."
"Yaga-zoozie. Yaga-zoozie."
Only, Darrin, you chant it.
Remember, it's an incantation.
I'll do it for you.
Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie
Yaga-zoozie Z
im N ow you try it.
Yaga-zoozie. Yaga-zooz...
You're not listening.
I'm not listening?
No, right. I'm sorry.
I'll play it for you.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
Now you try.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
[RINGING]
[BUZZ]
Now, once more.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie... ♪
Wait... Now, hold
it. Wait a minute!
Now, I never heard
Sam or Endora or you
ever say anything like that.
My dear boy, we don't
have to say anything.
We have the power.
Even Aunt Clara doesn't
use words like that.
Look, I don't tell you
about advertising,
so don't tell me about
witchcraft, please.
Fine. I hope so.
All right. Once again.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie... ♪
And now we'll add
just a little movement.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
♪ Cowbell ♪
♪ Cowbell ♪
♪ Duck call ♪
[BUZZES]
That's it. Once more.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
[RINGS]
[BUZZES]
Mother, I want you to
be gracious about this.
I think it's very big of
Darrin to apologize to you
after all you've done to him.
What have I done to him?
Well, if you'd like me
to start at the beginning,
on our wedding night, you
put him in the hotel lobby
in his pajamas.
Then... I mean recently.
How recently?
Well, we won't go into that.
Oh, now, Mother.
You must've done something.
Darrin hasn't been
himself all day.
How fortunate for you.
Mother. Well,
all right. All right.
If he's willing to admit
that his behavior
has been atrocious,
I guess I can
forgive and forget.
You really think I can
make this spell work?
I guarantee it.
You're easily the most talented
mortal pupil I've ever had.
Now get in there
and "yaga-zoozie."
You're right.
The minute she opens her mouth
to make one nasty remark, bam!
I'm gonna let her have it.
You're not coming in?
Oh, I better not.
If Endora even suspected
that I've been training you,
she'd nullify the spell
even before you got started.
I guess you're right.
I'll be in here
rooting for you, kid.
Here we go.
Good evening, Endora.
Hello, Dexter. Darrin.
The name is Darrin.
[COWBELL RINGS]
ENDORA: I distinctly
heard something jingle.
Oh. Did you, now?
[COWBELL RINGS]
I heard it again.
So did I.
Never mind, Endora.
It's probably just the rattling
of someone's
adolescent mentality.
Oh.
Darrin, you said
you'd apologize.
Oh, and I will, sweetheart.
From now on, no
more Mr. Nice Guy.
All right, that's it.
You've asked for it.
Darrin...
Now, Sam, it's time your
mother and I had this out.
You've victimized
me for the last time.
Be careful, Tinker Bell!
Or what? You'll do what?
Or you'll do what? Darrin...
Oh, you heard a jingle, huh?
Well, would you like to see it?
Well, I have it right here.
[RINGING]
There. How's that?
And that's not all.
How about this? [BUZZING]
DARRIN: How do you like that?
You want a musical critique?
You're never going
to laugh at me again.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
Darrin, what are you
doing? You said...
DARRIN: Don't try
to stop me, Sam.
She's been asking
for this for a long time.
♪ Zooma-zoozie Zooma-zoozie ♪
♪ Zooma-zoozie Bim ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
Mother, have you
been asking for that?
No, but I rather like it.
It swings.
♪ Zoozie high ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
DARRIN: ♪ Zoozie low ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
♪ Zoomah, hoogah Pitz! ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
[SHORT BUZZ]
[SLOW, FALLING BUZZ]
Darrin, what's wrong?
You're supposed to vanish.
But I don't want to vanish.
I want to stay and see
what you're going to do
for your next number.
I, uh...
I shouldn't have
listened to him.
I just shouldn't
have listened to him.
I should never
have listened to him.
Something's terribly wrong.
Darrin?
[ARTHUR LAUGHING]
"Zoomah, hoogah, pitz."
Ha, ha, ha!
And he went for it all the way.
Uncle Arthur, did you
have something to do
with the way Darrin acted?
Best... Best joke I ever pulled.
Taught him magic spell.
"Zoomah, hoogah, pitz."
With cow bells.
Didn't that break you up?
No, Uncle Arthur, it didn't.
I'll kill him!
That's what I'll do!
I'll kill him!
Well, for once I'm
in sympathy with you,
but, unfortunately, you'd
never get away with it.
He plotted the whole thing,
and I was fool
enough to fall for it.
The chair, the door,
the wastebasket!
I'll kill him with
my bare hands.
I think I have a more
practical solution.
Poison? Yeah, yeah.
You'll have to help, Mother. Ah.
We're going to cure Uncle
Arthur of his practical jokes
once and for all.
You mean, you're
willing to try it again?
Yes. When the spell
didn't work the first time,
I went upstairs and
practiced, and suddenly I felt...
Well, I felt this power.
I know I can make
the spell work this time.
Oh, that's crackerjack.
When Endora walks
in, let her have it again.
Oh, stop it, Uncle Arthur.
Tell Darrin the truth.
Admit you can't teach
witchcraft to a mortal.
Samantha, please.
Do you want to destroy
this boy's confidence?
Ignore her, Darrin.
It's all right, sweetheart.
I've got the power.
I can feel it in here.
Kid, you've got a lot of heart.
Well, well, well...
Hello, Dexter.
Back for an encore, eh?
[SNICKERING]
Enjoy your moment, Endora.
I'm through toying with you.
This is it.
Darrin, not again.
Stand aside.
I have the power now.
Prepare yourself, Endora.
I'm going to turn
you into a... parrot.
Oh, a parrot. This is splendid.
[COWBELL RINGS]
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
[RINGING]
[GRUNTS]
He did it.
He d... Did it?
But he can't.
You can't.
I mean, you couldn't.
I mean, ah... [CAWS]
I mean, just don't
stand there like a ninny!
Bring back Endora.
Make him bring her back, Sammie,
before this gets serious.
Well, it is serious.
Darrin cast a spell,
and only he can remove it.
But he can't, because
he doesn't know how.
Oh, Uncle Arthur,
because of your practical jokes,
Mother's a bird.
[SCREECHES]
ENDORA'S VOICE: Hello,
Durwood. Hello, Dexter.
Darrin, you don't
realize what you've done.
Endora can stay inside
that parrot forever,
unless you bring
her back immediately.
So what? I don't see what
you're concerned about.
You don't like her either.
Of course I like her.
I love her!
ENDORA'S VOICE:
Love her. Love that parrot.
[SQUAWKS]
Oh, it's pathetic.
I don't get it.
You said yourself she
was an interfering...
Oh, never mind what I said.
She's family.
Now, please bring her back.
Please.
Hold tight, Endora.
I won't let this happen to you.
Now, bring her back.
Will you help, Uncle Arthur?
Of course. Anything. Anything.
Will you stop playing
those dreadful jokes?
Yes. Any... Endora!
But you... I didn't
know you cared, Arthur.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
It was all a joke.
Well, it's not very funny.
That's the point.
We had to do it, Uncle Arthur.
Okay, Sammy, I
guess I had it coming.
No more practical
jokes, eh, Arthur?
I just went on the
wagon two minutes ago.
Just a little
going-away present.
Go ahead, open it.
Uncle Arthur, you wouldn't.
Oh, now, Sammy,
how could you
think such a thing?
No, you taught me
my lesson last night.
No more jokes.
I'm a changed warlock.
Oh, Uncle Arthur,
it's beautiful!
Thank you.
Please, no
emotion. I cry easily.
Darrin.
Oh, golf balls.
Well, thank you, Arthur.
I can always use these.
Didn't forget you, Endora.
Oh, Arthur.
You shouldn't have.
It wasn't necessary
to get me a gift.
No, I wanted to
give you something
to remember me by.
Oh!
Opera glasses.
Oh, Arthur.
Oh, they're just exquisite!
They're darling!
I can hardly wait to
use them at La Scala.
Oh.
Uncle Arthur, you
promised you wouldn't.
I know. I lied.
Okay, so I'll taper off.
[♪♪♪]
but I ran into a slight headwind
on my way back from Paris.
Oh, Samantha, the
table looks lovely.
Thank you, Mother.
DARRIN: Hi, Mom.
How are you, Darrin?
Darrin?
The name is unfamiliar to you?
No, but I thought it
was unfamiliar to you.
I'll make an agreement with you.
I'll try to remember your name
if you promise never
to call me "Mom."
Why don't you
open the wine, dear.
May I be of assistance?
Mother. Yes?
Darrin can handle it
very well by himself.
I thought you
agreed to be pleasant.
Well, now, don't look at me.
I find your practical
joke vastly unamusing.
My practical joke?
If you think I had
anything to do with this,
you've flipped your cork.
Come now, you two.
It must have been a slip-up
at the bottling
plant... or something.
What's in the box?
Oh.
A little something I
brought for dessert.
I bought it in Paris
this afternoon.
Oh.
Mother, I didn't know
Maxim's had a catering service.
Oh!
Really, Samantha.
What's got into you?
Well, Mother, I
didn't do anything.
Don't try to pin this on Sam.
It's perfectly obvious to me
who the practical joker is.
Oh, how dare you!
I would never debase my
abilities to do anything like...
Mother! What?
Practical joker.
I fail to see
what... Oh! Oh, no!
[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]
Uncle Arthur?
Uncle Arthur?
Are you in there?
Sam, what's going on?
I'll explain it to you
in a moment, darling.
The serving dish.
I bet you're right.
Got you now, Uncle Arthur.
Forgive me for not rising,
but I'm up to my neck in work.
Darrin, say hello
to Uncle Arthur.
[♪♪♪]
That's all I need, a
practical-joking warlock.
I'm sorry, darling.
I suppose I should've told
you about Uncle Arthur,
but, well, he's sort of the
black sheep of the family.
I can understand why.
Now, I love him despite
his practical jokes.
He's my favorite uncle.
Why, do you know,
when I was a little girl,
he taught me to
make my first pony?
Honey, I don't care.
I don't want... He what?
I was only 4.
I couldn't get the spell right.
I remember I got one
horseshoe and the saddle,
but I just couldn't... Sam.
What are we going
to do about him?
Try and put up with his
bad jokes and be nice to him.
Please?
Then I spent the
summer hunting lions
with a British expedition.
One morning I shot
a lion in my pajamas.
Now, what he was doing in
my pajamas I'll never know.
Cream, Darrin?
Yes, please.
Help yourself.
Forgive me.
I just can't help
milking a joke!
I, uh, really break
you up, don't I?
Oh, don't be a party poop!
You got it, didn't you, Darrin?
Your brand of low comedy
always did appeal to
adolescent mentality!
Mother!
What do you mean,
"adolescent mentality"?
I think it's fairly obvious.
Now, just a minute.
Here, Mother.
Why don't you try
the dessert. Oh.
It's simply delicious.
Thank you, dear.
[ARTHUR LAUGHING]
I got you that time.
You certainly did.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Uncle Arthur, how could you?
Oh, Mother! [LAUGHING CONTINUES]
Darrin, get a towel.
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
It isn't funny.
[STIFLING LAUGHTER]
Honey, I can't help it.
After all, I have an
adolescent mentality.
So you have.
And you may as
well look the part.
Now then, Ringo.
Laugh your head off!
Endora, come back!
Sam, make her come back.
You shouldn't have
made fun of her, Darrin.
Mother is very sensitive.
She's sensitive?
You promised to make an effort.
I...
[DOOR SLAMS]
Endora gives you a
real hard time, huh?
In a word, yes.
Well, she always was a
bit of a stick in the mud.
You gotta stand up
to her, young fella.
No, thanks.
I have no desire to
be turned into a toad.
There's another
way to stop her. Mm?
I'll teach you a little
magic of your own.
No, no. Arthur, I'm mortal.
Well, nobody's perfect, Darrin.
Besides, down through history
many fine people
have been humans.
Look, I just meant I
can't perform magic.
Sure you can.
Nothing fancy, of course,
but enough to give her a jolt
the next time she
gets a little nasty.
No, thanks.
There's enough witchcraft
in the family as it is.
No offense.
Please, let me teach
you one little trick.
I'm very good with novices.
No, Arthur.
You see, Sam and I
have an agreement.
No witchcraft.
We're going to live
like normal people.
Your mother-in-law
just turned you
into Prince Valiant.
That's normal living?
I will not stoop to her methods.
We're going to cope
with our problems my way.
Well, while you're
at the barber shop,
you better think it over, fella.
No, Arthur. Absolutely no.
No witchcraft!
What the...?
Enjoy your trip? Ha, ha, ha!
Arthur.
Did you reconsider?
Look, once and for
all, no magic lessons.
Now, stop bothering me!
Well, if at first
you don't succeed,
nag, nag, nag.
Miss Grant, will you please
send the Foster layout
down to the conference room?
Yes, sir.
And Mrs. Stephens is on three.
Oh, thank you.
Hello, honey. I
can't talk too long.
I have a presentation to make.
Now, this won't
take long, Darrin.
Mother is here.
I just thought it
might be a nice idea
if you said a few words to her.
He won't apologize.
He still hasn't
learned his lesson.
I heard that, and
you can tell her
I'm not a child who has
to be taught a lesson.
And what's more,
you can tell her
that I can take anything
she can dish out.
Better let me help you.
Talking to Endora that
way is just asking for trouble.
Well, I can face any trouble
she can give me like a man,
not like a witch.
And will you please let me
cope with things in my own way?
Who were you talking to?
Uh, the window washer.
Are you feeling okay?
Sure, fine.
Let's go.
[CLUNKING]
Not exactly Jack Be
Nimble today, are you?
I'll be fine
if you'll just take
this off my foot.
Thanks, Larry.
And that should give
you a general idea
of our approach to your
campaign, Mr. Foster.
Well, Stephens, I like it.
It feels bright, contemporary.
But I'm not clear on
the television aspect
of this thing.
It's very simple.
Our commercials will stress
the utility of the EZ-Open Door.
Our model housewife
will return from shopping,
her arms loaded with groceries,
and with just a
touch of a finger...
Just a... slight...
What is it?
It won't open.
Of course it will.
What's the matter
with you today?
Anyone would
think you're jinxed!
Jinxed! Endora!
What? Never mind.
You keep working.
I'll keep talking.
Mr. Foster, let me
digress for a moment.
I would like you to re-examine
the marketing figures.
As you can see, ah,
on this chart, we have...
Got it!
She's not going
to get away with it!
She's not going to ruin my life!
Offer's still good.
One shot, and you're the
master of your own fate.
Come on, just one little spell.
That's all you need.
All right, I'll do it.
When do we start?
[THUNDER CRASHES]
You've already started.
Now, the spell consists
of two components.
First, the incantation.
It's in longhand.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
You said the spell had
two components. Correct.
The incantation, which
you have, and these.
[RINGING]
[BUZZING]
A cowbell and a duck call?
Are you putting me on?
Try to understand Darrin.
You're only a mortal.
No offense.
I don't see what a cowbell
and a duck call is going...
Darrin, for a mortal
to work magic,
he needs a little reinforcement.
In this case, it's
sound effects.
You use the bell... [RINGING]
and the duck call... [BUZZING]
at the end of each
phrase of the incantation.
It's all marked out for you.
Go ahead, try it. Don't be shy.
"Yaga-zuzzie. Yaga-zuzzie...
No, no. "Zoozie."
"Zoozie." "Yaga-zoozie."
"Yaga-zoozie." "Yaga-zoozie."
"Yaga-zoozie."
"Yaga-zoozie. Yaga-zoozie."
Only, Darrin, you chant it.
Remember, it's an incantation.
I'll do it for you.
Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie
Yaga-zoozie Z
im N ow you try it.
Yaga-zoozie. Yaga-zooz...
You're not listening.
I'm not listening?
No, right. I'm sorry.
I'll play it for you.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
Now you try.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
[RINGING]
[BUZZ]
Now, once more.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie... ♪
Wait... Now, hold
it. Wait a minute!
Now, I never heard
Sam or Endora or you
ever say anything like that.
My dear boy, we don't
have to say anything.
We have the power.
Even Aunt Clara doesn't
use words like that.
Look, I don't tell you
about advertising,
so don't tell me about
witchcraft, please.
Fine. I hope so.
All right. Once again.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie... ♪
And now we'll add
just a little movement.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
♪ Cowbell ♪
♪ Cowbell ♪
♪ Duck call ♪
[BUZZES]
That's it. Once more.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
[RINGS]
[BUZZES]
Mother, I want you to
be gracious about this.
I think it's very big of
Darrin to apologize to you
after all you've done to him.
What have I done to him?
Well, if you'd like me
to start at the beginning,
on our wedding night, you
put him in the hotel lobby
in his pajamas.
Then... I mean recently.
How recently?
Well, we won't go into that.
Oh, now, Mother.
You must've done something.
Darrin hasn't been
himself all day.
How fortunate for you.
Mother. Well,
all right. All right.
If he's willing to admit
that his behavior
has been atrocious,
I guess I can
forgive and forget.
You really think I can
make this spell work?
I guarantee it.
You're easily the most talented
mortal pupil I've ever had.
Now get in there
and "yaga-zoozie."
You're right.
The minute she opens her mouth
to make one nasty remark, bam!
I'm gonna let her have it.
You're not coming in?
Oh, I better not.
If Endora even suspected
that I've been training you,
she'd nullify the spell
even before you got started.
I guess you're right.
I'll be in here
rooting for you, kid.
Here we go.
Good evening, Endora.
Hello, Dexter. Darrin.
The name is Darrin.
[COWBELL RINGS]
ENDORA: I distinctly
heard something jingle.
Oh. Did you, now?
[COWBELL RINGS]
I heard it again.
So did I.
Never mind, Endora.
It's probably just the rattling
of someone's
adolescent mentality.
Oh.
Darrin, you said
you'd apologize.
Oh, and I will, sweetheart.
From now on, no
more Mr. Nice Guy.
All right, that's it.
You've asked for it.
Darrin...
Now, Sam, it's time your
mother and I had this out.
You've victimized
me for the last time.
Be careful, Tinker Bell!
Or what? You'll do what?
Or you'll do what? Darrin...
Oh, you heard a jingle, huh?
Well, would you like to see it?
Well, I have it right here.
[RINGING]
There. How's that?
And that's not all.
How about this? [BUZZING]
DARRIN: How do you like that?
You want a musical critique?
You're never going
to laugh at me again.
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
Darrin, what are you
doing? You said...
DARRIN: Don't try
to stop me, Sam.
She's been asking
for this for a long time.
♪ Zooma-zoozie Zooma-zoozie ♪
♪ Zooma-zoozie Bim ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
Mother, have you
been asking for that?
No, but I rather like it.
It swings.
♪ Zoozie high ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
DARRIN: ♪ Zoozie low ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
♪ Zoomah, hoogah Pitz! ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
[SHORT BUZZ]
[SLOW, FALLING BUZZ]
Darrin, what's wrong?
You're supposed to vanish.
But I don't want to vanish.
I want to stay and see
what you're going to do
for your next number.
I, uh...
I shouldn't have
listened to him.
I just shouldn't
have listened to him.
I should never
have listened to him.
Something's terribly wrong.
Darrin?
[ARTHUR LAUGHING]
"Zoomah, hoogah, pitz."
Ha, ha, ha!
And he went for it all the way.
Uncle Arthur, did you
have something to do
with the way Darrin acted?
Best... Best joke I ever pulled.
Taught him magic spell.
"Zoomah, hoogah, pitz."
With cow bells.
Didn't that break you up?
No, Uncle Arthur, it didn't.
I'll kill him!
That's what I'll do!
I'll kill him!
Well, for once I'm
in sympathy with you,
but, unfortunately, you'd
never get away with it.
He plotted the whole thing,
and I was fool
enough to fall for it.
The chair, the door,
the wastebasket!
I'll kill him with
my bare hands.
I think I have a more
practical solution.
Poison? Yeah, yeah.
You'll have to help, Mother. Ah.
We're going to cure Uncle
Arthur of his practical jokes
once and for all.
You mean, you're
willing to try it again?
Yes. When the spell
didn't work the first time,
I went upstairs and
practiced, and suddenly I felt...
Well, I felt this power.
I know I can make
the spell work this time.
Oh, that's crackerjack.
When Endora walks
in, let her have it again.
Oh, stop it, Uncle Arthur.
Tell Darrin the truth.
Admit you can't teach
witchcraft to a mortal.
Samantha, please.
Do you want to destroy
this boy's confidence?
Ignore her, Darrin.
It's all right, sweetheart.
I've got the power.
I can feel it in here.
Kid, you've got a lot of heart.
Well, well, well...
Hello, Dexter.
Back for an encore, eh?
[SNICKERING]
Enjoy your moment, Endora.
I'm through toying with you.
This is it.
Darrin, not again.
Stand aside.
I have the power now.
Prepare yourself, Endora.
I'm going to turn
you into a... parrot.
Oh, a parrot. This is splendid.
[COWBELL RINGS]
♪ Yaga-zoozie Yaga-zoozie ♪
♪ Yaga-zoozie Zim ♪
[RINGING, BUZZING]
[RINGING]
[GRUNTS]
He did it.
He d... Did it?
But he can't.
You can't.
I mean, you couldn't.
I mean, ah... [CAWS]
I mean, just don't
stand there like a ninny!
Bring back Endora.
Make him bring her back, Sammie,
before this gets serious.
Well, it is serious.
Darrin cast a spell,
and only he can remove it.
But he can't, because
he doesn't know how.
Oh, Uncle Arthur,
because of your practical jokes,
Mother's a bird.
[SCREECHES]
ENDORA'S VOICE: Hello,
Durwood. Hello, Dexter.
Darrin, you don't
realize what you've done.
Endora can stay inside
that parrot forever,
unless you bring
her back immediately.
So what? I don't see what
you're concerned about.
You don't like her either.
Of course I like her.
I love her!
ENDORA'S VOICE:
Love her. Love that parrot.
[SQUAWKS]
Oh, it's pathetic.
I don't get it.
You said yourself she
was an interfering...
Oh, never mind what I said.
She's family.
Now, please bring her back.
Please.
Hold tight, Endora.
I won't let this happen to you.
Now, bring her back.
Will you help, Uncle Arthur?
Of course. Anything. Anything.
Will you stop playing
those dreadful jokes?
Yes. Any... Endora!
But you... I didn't
know you cared, Arthur.
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
It was all a joke.
Well, it's not very funny.
That's the point.
We had to do it, Uncle Arthur.
Okay, Sammy, I
guess I had it coming.
No more practical
jokes, eh, Arthur?
I just went on the
wagon two minutes ago.
Just a little
going-away present.
Go ahead, open it.
Uncle Arthur, you wouldn't.
Oh, now, Sammy,
how could you
think such a thing?
No, you taught me
my lesson last night.
No more jokes.
I'm a changed warlock.
Oh, Uncle Arthur,
it's beautiful!
Thank you.
Please, no
emotion. I cry easily.
Darrin.
Oh, golf balls.
Well, thank you, Arthur.
I can always use these.
Didn't forget you, Endora.
Oh, Arthur.
You shouldn't have.
It wasn't necessary
to get me a gift.
No, I wanted to
give you something
to remember me by.
Oh!
Opera glasses.
Oh, Arthur.
Oh, they're just exquisite!
They're darling!
I can hardly wait to
use them at La Scala.
Oh.
Uncle Arthur, you
promised you wouldn't.
I know. I lied.
Okay, so I'll taper off.
[♪♪♪]