Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 2, Episode 2 - A Very Special Delivery - full transcript
Darrin is doting on Samantha upon news that she's pregnant. Samantha is less concerned about what she believes is Darrin's overboard behavior than about what Endora will think about becoming a grandmother. Endora isn't nearly as abhorrent to the news as Samantha thought she would be, but is surprised by what she hears is Darrin's doting. However, by the time that Darrin returns home from work, Endora doesn't see that doting as Larry has convinced him that it is healthy for Samantha to continue to do hard work. As Darrin states that he will still go through every pregnancy pain along with Samantha, Endora, without either Darrin or Samantha's knowledge, decides to teach him a lesson by making it a reality, including him feeling every hormone induced emotion associated with pregnancy. Darrin doesn't know why he is feeling as bad or emotional as he does, so when he goes to the doctor for a check-up, he is surprised by the doctor's assessment that it's almost like he's pregnant. Darrin rightly assesses that Endora has placed a spell on him. Samantha has to try to convince him that he really isn't pregnant, and that he will thus not become the world's first man to give birth. Convincing him will not be an easy task.
Hi, there.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
I didn't mean to wake you up.
That's okay.
I have to get up anyway.
Mother's popping in.
Have you told her the news
about the baby yet?
- Well...
- Sam.
I've been sort of putting it off.
How do you...?
- How do you think she'll take it?
- I don't know.
Somehow Mother doesn't strike me
as the grandmother type.
Well, she's just gonna
have to get used to it.
Now, you lie down for another hour.
I'm making breakfast.
But I'm not the least bit tired.
Expectant mothers are always tired.
Why fight it?
But I'm not. Really.
Now, honey, take it easy.
- You'll aggravate those back pains.
- I don't have any.
I'll get something
for the morning sickness.
- I don't have morning sickness.
- Don't do that, honey.
I'll make the bed.
You mustn't strain yourself.
All right, Darrin.
But I'm fine. Really I am.
I don't have any of the usual
symptoms of pregnancy. Not one.
Well, maybe one.
Oh, honey.
I was hoping you'd stay in bed.
- I was bringing up your breakfast.
- That's sweet...
but I don't want you cooking
and cleaning up after me.
And I don't want you
lifting a finger around here.
- How cute.
- You like that, huh?
Now, you come on over here
and take the load off our baby's feet.
Darrin, you're gonna spoil me.
Well, I already spoiled your figure,
I might as well spoil the rest of you.
And here we are.
There's orange juice for vitamin C.
Hot cereal for protein.
And milk for good, strong bones.
And last but not least...
the food most important
to an expectant mother's diet:
Marvellous.
Honey, I think I've got
a pretty good schedule figured out.
- What for?
- Well, to help... Where are you going?
- For the butter.
- Oh, the butter. I forgot. Sit down.
Darrin, how can I convince you...
that I'm perfectly capable
of doing these things?
I'm not an invalid,
I'm just expecting.
Sweetheart, I wouldn't be acting
like this if you were just expecting...
but we're positive.
- Now, you promise to take it easy.
- All right, Darrin.
If it'll make you happy,
you can do all the work.
But now you've got
to promise me something.
Anything. What?
When they wheel me into the
delivery room, you let me take over.
Okay, you got yourself a deal.
Darrin?
Would you check these layouts
on the Stanwyck account?
Yeah, sure, Larry.
Darrin?
I had two eggs for lunch
that looked better than your eyes.
Well, I didn't get
much sleep last night, Larry.
Having a baby
is pretty rough on a guy.
Already? You just found out
you were gonna be a father.
- I know. But...
- No buts, Darrin.
It's only rough if you let it get rough.
Louise just had a baby, remember?
So I've been through
this diaper derby.
You know, some women
will pull any trick in the book...
if they think
they can get away with it.
Larry, I appreciate your interest,
but there really isn't any problem.
Darrin, I'm only telling you this
for your own good.
You've got to be firm with Sam.
Indifferent. You know,
stop all this catering to her.
Okay, Larry.
After I cook dinner tonight,
I'll flatly refuse to mop the floor.
Go ahead, make jokes.
But I've read up
on this motherhood routine.
Actually, a well-known doctor
has written a book on the subject:
Th e Joy of Labour for Labour's Sak e.
The more active the mother,
the more she does for herself...
the happier she'll be
and the healthier the child.
- Really?
- Well, it makes sense...
if you stop to think about it.
In the pioneer days...
women used to plough the fields,
have kids on their lunch break...
- and go on ploughing again.
- They did, didn't they?
Well, take my own wife, Louise.
She played golf
the day before she had the baby.
- Golf?
- Of course it ruined her backswing.
Darrin, you must force yourself
to be sensible.
And that's just what you should do.
- Larry, I just couldn't.
- You want a happy wife, don't you?
- Naturally.
- You want a healthy child, don't you?
- Of course.
- Well, then at least try it for their sake.
Maybe I should.
Mother?
Samantha, how could you?
You know.
I was hoping that it was
just an ugly rumour.
Mother, aren't you pleased?
You're gonna be a grandmother.
That's right.
That's right, twist the knife.
Give me just one good reason
why I shouldn't have children.
Don't you see?
You'll be tied
to that mortal oaf indefinitely.
That's what I want.
Oh, Samantha,
you just don't understand.
He's turning you into
the typical housewife drudge.
Oh, I can just see you
in a few years...
surrounded by diapers
and bottles and pacifiers.
And wall-to-wall babies.
Mother, tell me something honestly.
Aren't you just
a teeny-weeny bit pleased...
you're going to have a grandchild?
Honestly, now.
Will you let me play with the child
whenever I want?
With absolutely no responsibility?
You promise never
to call me "Granny"?
If that's what you want.
Well, it might be a bit diverting.
- I insist on one thing though.
- What's that?
That you won't do this the hard way.
Promise me you'll use
a little witchcraft...
to make it easy for you
while you're expecting.
You know how I feel
about that, Mother.
I wanna be like any mortal woman
having a baby.
I want to enjoy
every wonderful moment.
Oh, Samantha,
I will not have you slaving away...
while you're expecting
my grandchild.
You are pleased.
Well, the least he can do...
is to get someone to help you
with the heavy work.
Darrin can't do enough for me.
He's very sweet and considerate...
and won't let me lift a finger
when he's here.
I can imagine.
- Sam, I'm home.
- The voice of the turtle.
In here, sweetheart.
You'll see. He'll be furious
that I'm cooking dinner.
He thinks I should be resting.
- Hi, honey.
- Hello, sweetheart.
- I was just starting dinner.
- Oh, good.
I've had a hard day.
I think I'll rest until it's ready.
He certainly is considerate.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, nothing, dear.
- How is everything going?
- Will you put this on the stove for me?
Well, do it yourself, Sam.
The exercise will do you good.
The prosecution rests its case.
Would you mind getting the corn
out of the vegetable bin?
I don't like to do too much bending.
A little bending is good for you.
Strengthens the stomach muscles.
- Darrin, what's gotten into you?
- Nothing.
Give me a yell
when dinner's ready, huh?
Fix your own dinner.
Why don't you put a couple of pounds
of lead in each pocket?
It'll toughen up her legs.
She's my wife
and I know what's best for her.
Well, she's also my daughter...
and I think you've been
treating her very shabbily.
Especially at a time like this.
I happen to have done
a little research on the subject.
A very well-known doctor
has a new theory on childbirth...
and I happen to agree with him
wholeheartedly.
If you let a woman do it,
she'll make a career out of childbirth.
I'm doing this for Sam's good.
Believe me, I know every ache
and pain that she has...
and it hurts me more than her.
- It doesn't yet. But it will.
- I beg your pardon?
Never mind.
Wake up.
Wake up, Darrin.
Up, up.
- Good morning, sweetheart.
- Morning.
- How do you feel?
- Fine. How do you feel?
Well, not that good.
My stomach's a bit queasy.
What's the matter?
Well, suddenly I got a backache.
Must have slept funny.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
I feel awfully tired
this morning though.
What's the matter?
My pyjama pants feel kind of tight.
Well, I'll get shaved.
You know, I feel like having
something real crazy...
for breakfast this morning.
Me too.
Darrin, they're waiting
in the conference room.
All right. Don't rush me.
Martin's not the kind of man
to keep waiting.
- Well, what's so important about him?
- His soap.
It means half a million dollars a year
to this company.
Money, money.
Is that all you think about?
Of course. What else is there?
A person's feelings,
that's what else there is!
My feelings.
I'm doing the best I can, Larry.
I'm a human being.
I'm not a machine.
- Darrin, what's the matter with you?
- Nothing.
- You're crying.
- I'm not crying.
Why are your eyes all moist?
Probably the sunlight.
Besides, I have hay fever.
The blinds are drawn
and you never had hay fever before.
All right, so I'm crying.
I am crying. So what?
A person has the right
to have a good cry once in a while.
- Darrin, I didn't mean to upset you.
- That's all right, Larry. It's all right.
I'm just... I'm just all worn out.
- Wanna talk about it?
- About what?
Well, whatever it is
that's making you behave this way.
Behave what way?
Well, fidgety, nervous.
I don't know, Larry. I've been this way
ever since I got up this morning.
Then skip the conference.
I can handle Martin alone.
- No.
- But, Darrin, if you don't feel well...
No, Larry.
No, I'm all right now.
I can handle it.
Darrin checked
these over yesterday...
and I feel the Stanwyck account
will go for this approach.
Phil, are you gonna eat your pickle?
- Oh, here. Help yourself.
- Thanks.
If I can suggest a change, I think we
ought to accent the product itself...
rather than the copy. It'd be more
of an eye-catcher that way.
- Larry, are you gonna eat your pickle?
- No.
Now, I think that
we've touched all the bases.
Unless you'd like to add something,
Mr. Martin.
Well, it's just a notion.
I'm inclined to agree with Larry.
Mr. Martin,
are you gonna eat your pickle?
Yes, I am. I'd like to see
the product a little larger.
Like it was jumping out
of the ad at you.
Exactly. It would have
more impact that way.
You're not eating it.
I'll eat it when I feel like it.
If you don't want it,
there's no sense letting it go to waste.
Darrin.
- It's his pickle.
- But it's just lying there.
- So it's just lying there.
- Then why can't I have it?
Darrin.
You have no intention
of eating that pickle.
Now, look, we're not gonna
have an argument about a pickle.
- I demand your pickle!
- Darrin.
Gentlemen, if you'll excuse us
for a moment.
- Sorry, Mr. Martin.
- Darrin.
What on earth got into you?
I don't know.
It was like some kind
of crazy fixation.
I just had to have his pickle.
Darrin, I think your wife's having
a baby is really getting to you.
- You're like one big peeled nerve.
- That's how I feel.
Why don't you take the rest
of the day off. Go see a doctor?
Get him to give you a tranquilizer?
Maybe I should.
I just haven't been myself all day.
I'll see you in the morning.
Get a good night's sleep.
Easy on the back, Lar.
Well, blood pressure's normal,
Darrin. In fact, everything's normal.
Well, that's good.
There must be something wrong.
You can put your shirt on now.
Tell me...
what did you do today that might
have had an upsetting effect on you?
Well, when I woke up this morning
I had an upset stomach.
Then when I got out of bed...
I suddenly had
the darnedest backache.
Backache, eh? Anything else?
Then I had a sudden urge
for something crazy to eat.
- Such as?
- Ice cream, watermelon, sardines.
I got into an argument
with a fellow at the office over a pickle.
- A pickle?
- I shouldn't have got upset about it...
- But, well, he wasn't eating it.
- I see.
Does that add up to anything, doc?
Not in your case,
but I'd say that if you were a woman...
that you were
going to have a baby.
Now that you mention it,
it does sound like...
It doesn't yet. But it will.
- Endora.
- Endora?
My mother-in-law. It's nothing.
I hope.
Mr. Stephens' office.
Oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Stephens.
Mr. Stephens wasn't well this morning.
How is he feeling this afternoon?
Not well, I'm afraid.
He went to see the doctor.
- Doctor? What's the matter with him?
- I'm not sure. He was quite strange.
In fact, he got into an argument
with an important client over a pickle.
- A pickle?
- You know what he wants for a snack?
Pickled herring
and a strawberry sandwich?
Anything else?
A backache?
Have him call me as soon
as he comes back. Thanks.
Mother?
I would've been here sooner, darling,
but I was in Rome.
What did you do to Darrin?
Just teaching him a little lesson
for the way he treated you last night.
- There was a reason for that.
- I know, I know. He read a book.
Believe it or not,
he was only thinking of me.
I'll thank you to stop your meddling
and take that crazy spell off Darrin.
Not until I'm ready, darling.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
there's somebody waiting for me
on the Via Veneto.
You...
Mother?
Dave, I've got a problem.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna have a baby.
Yeah, I've made up my mind.
This is one boy
who's going to stay single-o.
There's only going to be one control
on my electric blanket.
How could she do this to me?
- What will the neighbours say?
- I don't know one happy couple.
Sure, my cousin Irving says he's
had four years of happy marriage...
but he's been married to Selma
for 17 years.
What'll I tell everybody
at the office?
You can't keep a thing like that
a secret for too long.
- People start to notice.
- And what's Irving got to show for it?
A stack of bills, that's what.
He's engaged to Selma
all through high school...
all through college,
and the day they get married...
she tells him she was in the half
of the class that had all the cavities.
What will I say to Sam?
"Guess what, dear,
we're gonna have babies together"?
No, sir. They're not shoving me
down that middle aisle.
Hey, I gotta go.
Well, glad I could help, Darrin.
- You all right, Mr. Stephens?
- All right?
Joe, I'm gonna have a baby.
Oh, yeah?
Congratulations to the wife.
- Not my wife. Me.
- You?
Yes. I'm going to be a mother.
Well, that's great.
You'll be the first man in the world
to pull it off. You'll be famous.
Yeah, I'll be famous.
Fill it up again, Joe.
I never thought of that.
I'll be famous.
I'll be famous.
I'll be famous.
I'll be famous.
I can't stand this waiting.
Mrs. Stephens?
Your husband had a boy.
Both father and son
are doing just fine.
A boy?
A boy. It's a boy.
It's a boy.
It's a boy.
You realize you're the first man
in the world to have a baby?
Yes. And they said
it couldn't be done.
You seem most pleased about it.
Oh, yes. My wife and I
both wanted a large family.
And this way we can have
twice as many kids.
- How is your wife taking this?
- Just great. Not the least bit jealous.
She made some of her old clothes
into maternity sport coats for me.
Do you have any immediate plans?
Not at the present.
Just rest. Get my figure back.
I suppose you have big plans
for your first child?
Yes, indeed.
But it could cause a bit of a problem.
In what way?
Well, as his father,
I'd like him to go into politics...
but as his mother, I'm against it.
I'll be famous.
I'll be famous.
I'll be famous.
Are you sure you're all right,
Mr. Stephens?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, Joe.
- Darrin.
- Oh, Sam.
I had a feeling you'd be here
drowning your sorrows.
Am I glad to see you.
Darling, I think you've had enough.
Let's go home.
Honey, I'm not drunk.
I've got something to tell you.
- Yes, I know.
- Oh, no, you don't know.
Now, listen to me.
I'm going to have a baby.
- Mother told me. I know all about it.
- I'll have to have my pants let out.
Darling, they're only symptoms.
We'll be rid of them soon enough.
- Really?
- Yes, sweetheart.
I hope so.
I've had a terrible day.
I know, sweetheart.
Come on. Come on.
Oh, hello there.
I didn't see you come in.
How about that character
that just left?
- I'll bite. How about him?
- Well, didn't you hear him?
He thinks he's going to have a baby.
Isn't that wild?
Not necessarily.
Why, it's the most ridiculous thing
I ever heard of.
I've got five kids.
Another one on the way right now.
Why, it's a snap.
Nothing to get shook up about.
Imagine a guy thinking
he's gonna have a baby.
- Suddenly I got a backache.
- You don't say.
Hope it goes away by tonight.
I'm supposed to go bowling.
I wouldn't advise that
in your condition.
Here you are, sweetheart.
Just a little something
to keep your strength up.
You didn't have to do that.
I could've done it.
No chance.
I'm back to spoiling you rotten.
- How do you feel?
- Great.
But if that mother of yours
ever pulls a stunt like that again...
I'm gonna use
a little magic of my own.
- Make a few of her teeth disappear.
- And no jury will convict you.
Now, is there anything else
I can get you?
Darrin, we have a long way to go.
If you keep this up...
you'll be awfully tired
by the time the baby's born.
Don't argue. Eat. Eat.
Seriously, darling,
you can't go on waiting on me like this.
I'm not an invalid.
I feel perfectly fine.
Sam, don't try to tell me how you feel.
I know how you feel. Exactly.
- Remember?
- Yes.
- Come to think of it, you do.
- That's right.
- I'm a man in a million.
- So big deal.
I've always known that.
Cheers.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
I didn't mean to wake you up.
That's okay.
I have to get up anyway.
Mother's popping in.
Have you told her the news
about the baby yet?
- Well...
- Sam.
I've been sort of putting it off.
How do you...?
- How do you think she'll take it?
- I don't know.
Somehow Mother doesn't strike me
as the grandmother type.
Well, she's just gonna
have to get used to it.
Now, you lie down for another hour.
I'm making breakfast.
But I'm not the least bit tired.
Expectant mothers are always tired.
Why fight it?
But I'm not. Really.
Now, honey, take it easy.
- You'll aggravate those back pains.
- I don't have any.
I'll get something
for the morning sickness.
- I don't have morning sickness.
- Don't do that, honey.
I'll make the bed.
You mustn't strain yourself.
All right, Darrin.
But I'm fine. Really I am.
I don't have any of the usual
symptoms of pregnancy. Not one.
Well, maybe one.
Oh, honey.
I was hoping you'd stay in bed.
- I was bringing up your breakfast.
- That's sweet...
but I don't want you cooking
and cleaning up after me.
And I don't want you
lifting a finger around here.
- How cute.
- You like that, huh?
Now, you come on over here
and take the load off our baby's feet.
Darrin, you're gonna spoil me.
Well, I already spoiled your figure,
I might as well spoil the rest of you.
And here we are.
There's orange juice for vitamin C.
Hot cereal for protein.
And milk for good, strong bones.
And last but not least...
the food most important
to an expectant mother's diet:
Marvellous.
Honey, I think I've got
a pretty good schedule figured out.
- What for?
- Well, to help... Where are you going?
- For the butter.
- Oh, the butter. I forgot. Sit down.
Darrin, how can I convince you...
that I'm perfectly capable
of doing these things?
I'm not an invalid,
I'm just expecting.
Sweetheart, I wouldn't be acting
like this if you were just expecting...
but we're positive.
- Now, you promise to take it easy.
- All right, Darrin.
If it'll make you happy,
you can do all the work.
But now you've got
to promise me something.
Anything. What?
When they wheel me into the
delivery room, you let me take over.
Okay, you got yourself a deal.
Darrin?
Would you check these layouts
on the Stanwyck account?
Yeah, sure, Larry.
Darrin?
I had two eggs for lunch
that looked better than your eyes.
Well, I didn't get
much sleep last night, Larry.
Having a baby
is pretty rough on a guy.
Already? You just found out
you were gonna be a father.
- I know. But...
- No buts, Darrin.
It's only rough if you let it get rough.
Louise just had a baby, remember?
So I've been through
this diaper derby.
You know, some women
will pull any trick in the book...
if they think
they can get away with it.
Larry, I appreciate your interest,
but there really isn't any problem.
Darrin, I'm only telling you this
for your own good.
You've got to be firm with Sam.
Indifferent. You know,
stop all this catering to her.
Okay, Larry.
After I cook dinner tonight,
I'll flatly refuse to mop the floor.
Go ahead, make jokes.
But I've read up
on this motherhood routine.
Actually, a well-known doctor
has written a book on the subject:
Th e Joy of Labour for Labour's Sak e.
The more active the mother,
the more she does for herself...
the happier she'll be
and the healthier the child.
- Really?
- Well, it makes sense...
if you stop to think about it.
In the pioneer days...
women used to plough the fields,
have kids on their lunch break...
- and go on ploughing again.
- They did, didn't they?
Well, take my own wife, Louise.
She played golf
the day before she had the baby.
- Golf?
- Of course it ruined her backswing.
Darrin, you must force yourself
to be sensible.
And that's just what you should do.
- Larry, I just couldn't.
- You want a happy wife, don't you?
- Naturally.
- You want a healthy child, don't you?
- Of course.
- Well, then at least try it for their sake.
Maybe I should.
Mother?
Samantha, how could you?
You know.
I was hoping that it was
just an ugly rumour.
Mother, aren't you pleased?
You're gonna be a grandmother.
That's right.
That's right, twist the knife.
Give me just one good reason
why I shouldn't have children.
Don't you see?
You'll be tied
to that mortal oaf indefinitely.
That's what I want.
Oh, Samantha,
you just don't understand.
He's turning you into
the typical housewife drudge.
Oh, I can just see you
in a few years...
surrounded by diapers
and bottles and pacifiers.
And wall-to-wall babies.
Mother, tell me something honestly.
Aren't you just
a teeny-weeny bit pleased...
you're going to have a grandchild?
Honestly, now.
Will you let me play with the child
whenever I want?
With absolutely no responsibility?
You promise never
to call me "Granny"?
If that's what you want.
Well, it might be a bit diverting.
- I insist on one thing though.
- What's that?
That you won't do this the hard way.
Promise me you'll use
a little witchcraft...
to make it easy for you
while you're expecting.
You know how I feel
about that, Mother.
I wanna be like any mortal woman
having a baby.
I want to enjoy
every wonderful moment.
Oh, Samantha,
I will not have you slaving away...
while you're expecting
my grandchild.
You are pleased.
Well, the least he can do...
is to get someone to help you
with the heavy work.
Darrin can't do enough for me.
He's very sweet and considerate...
and won't let me lift a finger
when he's here.
I can imagine.
- Sam, I'm home.
- The voice of the turtle.
In here, sweetheart.
You'll see. He'll be furious
that I'm cooking dinner.
He thinks I should be resting.
- Hi, honey.
- Hello, sweetheart.
- I was just starting dinner.
- Oh, good.
I've had a hard day.
I think I'll rest until it's ready.
He certainly is considerate.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, nothing, dear.
- How is everything going?
- Will you put this on the stove for me?
Well, do it yourself, Sam.
The exercise will do you good.
The prosecution rests its case.
Would you mind getting the corn
out of the vegetable bin?
I don't like to do too much bending.
A little bending is good for you.
Strengthens the stomach muscles.
- Darrin, what's gotten into you?
- Nothing.
Give me a yell
when dinner's ready, huh?
Fix your own dinner.
Why don't you put a couple of pounds
of lead in each pocket?
It'll toughen up her legs.
She's my wife
and I know what's best for her.
Well, she's also my daughter...
and I think you've been
treating her very shabbily.
Especially at a time like this.
I happen to have done
a little research on the subject.
A very well-known doctor
has a new theory on childbirth...
and I happen to agree with him
wholeheartedly.
If you let a woman do it,
she'll make a career out of childbirth.
I'm doing this for Sam's good.
Believe me, I know every ache
and pain that she has...
and it hurts me more than her.
- It doesn't yet. But it will.
- I beg your pardon?
Never mind.
Wake up.
Wake up, Darrin.
Up, up.
- Good morning, sweetheart.
- Morning.
- How do you feel?
- Fine. How do you feel?
Well, not that good.
My stomach's a bit queasy.
What's the matter?
Well, suddenly I got a backache.
Must have slept funny.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
I feel awfully tired
this morning though.
What's the matter?
My pyjama pants feel kind of tight.
Well, I'll get shaved.
You know, I feel like having
something real crazy...
for breakfast this morning.
Me too.
Darrin, they're waiting
in the conference room.
All right. Don't rush me.
Martin's not the kind of man
to keep waiting.
- Well, what's so important about him?
- His soap.
It means half a million dollars a year
to this company.
Money, money.
Is that all you think about?
Of course. What else is there?
A person's feelings,
that's what else there is!
My feelings.
I'm doing the best I can, Larry.
I'm a human being.
I'm not a machine.
- Darrin, what's the matter with you?
- Nothing.
- You're crying.
- I'm not crying.
Why are your eyes all moist?
Probably the sunlight.
Besides, I have hay fever.
The blinds are drawn
and you never had hay fever before.
All right, so I'm crying.
I am crying. So what?
A person has the right
to have a good cry once in a while.
- Darrin, I didn't mean to upset you.
- That's all right, Larry. It's all right.
I'm just... I'm just all worn out.
- Wanna talk about it?
- About what?
Well, whatever it is
that's making you behave this way.
Behave what way?
Well, fidgety, nervous.
I don't know, Larry. I've been this way
ever since I got up this morning.
Then skip the conference.
I can handle Martin alone.
- No.
- But, Darrin, if you don't feel well...
No, Larry.
No, I'm all right now.
I can handle it.
Darrin checked
these over yesterday...
and I feel the Stanwyck account
will go for this approach.
Phil, are you gonna eat your pickle?
- Oh, here. Help yourself.
- Thanks.
If I can suggest a change, I think we
ought to accent the product itself...
rather than the copy. It'd be more
of an eye-catcher that way.
- Larry, are you gonna eat your pickle?
- No.
Now, I think that
we've touched all the bases.
Unless you'd like to add something,
Mr. Martin.
Well, it's just a notion.
I'm inclined to agree with Larry.
Mr. Martin,
are you gonna eat your pickle?
Yes, I am. I'd like to see
the product a little larger.
Like it was jumping out
of the ad at you.
Exactly. It would have
more impact that way.
You're not eating it.
I'll eat it when I feel like it.
If you don't want it,
there's no sense letting it go to waste.
Darrin.
- It's his pickle.
- But it's just lying there.
- So it's just lying there.
- Then why can't I have it?
Darrin.
You have no intention
of eating that pickle.
Now, look, we're not gonna
have an argument about a pickle.
- I demand your pickle!
- Darrin.
Gentlemen, if you'll excuse us
for a moment.
- Sorry, Mr. Martin.
- Darrin.
What on earth got into you?
I don't know.
It was like some kind
of crazy fixation.
I just had to have his pickle.
Darrin, I think your wife's having
a baby is really getting to you.
- You're like one big peeled nerve.
- That's how I feel.
Why don't you take the rest
of the day off. Go see a doctor?
Get him to give you a tranquilizer?
Maybe I should.
I just haven't been myself all day.
I'll see you in the morning.
Get a good night's sleep.
Easy on the back, Lar.
Well, blood pressure's normal,
Darrin. In fact, everything's normal.
Well, that's good.
There must be something wrong.
You can put your shirt on now.
Tell me...
what did you do today that might
have had an upsetting effect on you?
Well, when I woke up this morning
I had an upset stomach.
Then when I got out of bed...
I suddenly had
the darnedest backache.
Backache, eh? Anything else?
Then I had a sudden urge
for something crazy to eat.
- Such as?
- Ice cream, watermelon, sardines.
I got into an argument
with a fellow at the office over a pickle.
- A pickle?
- I shouldn't have got upset about it...
- But, well, he wasn't eating it.
- I see.
Does that add up to anything, doc?
Not in your case,
but I'd say that if you were a woman...
that you were
going to have a baby.
Now that you mention it,
it does sound like...
It doesn't yet. But it will.
- Endora.
- Endora?
My mother-in-law. It's nothing.
I hope.
Mr. Stephens' office.
Oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Stephens.
Mr. Stephens wasn't well this morning.
How is he feeling this afternoon?
Not well, I'm afraid.
He went to see the doctor.
- Doctor? What's the matter with him?
- I'm not sure. He was quite strange.
In fact, he got into an argument
with an important client over a pickle.
- A pickle?
- You know what he wants for a snack?
Pickled herring
and a strawberry sandwich?
Anything else?
A backache?
Have him call me as soon
as he comes back. Thanks.
Mother?
I would've been here sooner, darling,
but I was in Rome.
What did you do to Darrin?
Just teaching him a little lesson
for the way he treated you last night.
- There was a reason for that.
- I know, I know. He read a book.
Believe it or not,
he was only thinking of me.
I'll thank you to stop your meddling
and take that crazy spell off Darrin.
Not until I'm ready, darling.
Now, if you'll excuse me...
there's somebody waiting for me
on the Via Veneto.
You...
Mother?
Dave, I've got a problem.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna have a baby.
Yeah, I've made up my mind.
This is one boy
who's going to stay single-o.
There's only going to be one control
on my electric blanket.
How could she do this to me?
- What will the neighbours say?
- I don't know one happy couple.
Sure, my cousin Irving says he's
had four years of happy marriage...
but he's been married to Selma
for 17 years.
What'll I tell everybody
at the office?
You can't keep a thing like that
a secret for too long.
- People start to notice.
- And what's Irving got to show for it?
A stack of bills, that's what.
He's engaged to Selma
all through high school...
all through college,
and the day they get married...
she tells him she was in the half
of the class that had all the cavities.
What will I say to Sam?
"Guess what, dear,
we're gonna have babies together"?
No, sir. They're not shoving me
down that middle aisle.
Hey, I gotta go.
Well, glad I could help, Darrin.
- You all right, Mr. Stephens?
- All right?
Joe, I'm gonna have a baby.
Oh, yeah?
Congratulations to the wife.
- Not my wife. Me.
- You?
Yes. I'm going to be a mother.
Well, that's great.
You'll be the first man in the world
to pull it off. You'll be famous.
Yeah, I'll be famous.
Fill it up again, Joe.
I never thought of that.
I'll be famous.
I'll be famous.
I'll be famous.
I'll be famous.
I can't stand this waiting.
Mrs. Stephens?
Your husband had a boy.
Both father and son
are doing just fine.
A boy?
A boy. It's a boy.
It's a boy.
It's a boy.
You realize you're the first man
in the world to have a baby?
Yes. And they said
it couldn't be done.
You seem most pleased about it.
Oh, yes. My wife and I
both wanted a large family.
And this way we can have
twice as many kids.
- How is your wife taking this?
- Just great. Not the least bit jealous.
She made some of her old clothes
into maternity sport coats for me.
Do you have any immediate plans?
Not at the present.
Just rest. Get my figure back.
I suppose you have big plans
for your first child?
Yes, indeed.
But it could cause a bit of a problem.
In what way?
Well, as his father,
I'd like him to go into politics...
but as his mother, I'm against it.
I'll be famous.
I'll be famous.
I'll be famous.
Are you sure you're all right,
Mr. Stephens?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, Joe.
- Darrin.
- Oh, Sam.
I had a feeling you'd be here
drowning your sorrows.
Am I glad to see you.
Darling, I think you've had enough.
Let's go home.
Honey, I'm not drunk.
I've got something to tell you.
- Yes, I know.
- Oh, no, you don't know.
Now, listen to me.
I'm going to have a baby.
- Mother told me. I know all about it.
- I'll have to have my pants let out.
Darling, they're only symptoms.
We'll be rid of them soon enough.
- Really?
- Yes, sweetheart.
I hope so.
I've had a terrible day.
I know, sweetheart.
Come on. Come on.
Oh, hello there.
I didn't see you come in.
How about that character
that just left?
- I'll bite. How about him?
- Well, didn't you hear him?
He thinks he's going to have a baby.
Isn't that wild?
Not necessarily.
Why, it's the most ridiculous thing
I ever heard of.
I've got five kids.
Another one on the way right now.
Why, it's a snap.
Nothing to get shook up about.
Imagine a guy thinking
he's gonna have a baby.
- Suddenly I got a backache.
- You don't say.
Hope it goes away by tonight.
I'm supposed to go bowling.
I wouldn't advise that
in your condition.
Here you are, sweetheart.
Just a little something
to keep your strength up.
You didn't have to do that.
I could've done it.
No chance.
I'm back to spoiling you rotten.
- How do you feel?
- Great.
But if that mother of yours
ever pulls a stunt like that again...
I'm gonna use
a little magic of my own.
- Make a few of her teeth disappear.
- And no jury will convict you.
Now, is there anything else
I can get you?
Darrin, we have a long way to go.
If you keep this up...
you'll be awfully tired
by the time the baby's born.
Don't argue. Eat. Eat.
Seriously, darling,
you can't go on waiting on me like this.
I'm not an invalid.
I feel perfectly fine.
Sam, don't try to tell me how you feel.
I know how you feel. Exactly.
- Remember?
- Yes.
- Come to think of it, you do.
- That's right.
- I'm a man in a million.
- So big deal.
I've always known that.
Cheers.