Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 2, Episode 19 - My Baby, the Tycoon - full transcript
Although Samantha admits to the act of witchcraft in feeding infant Tabatha, the act itself makes Darrin ponder if Tabatha is indeed a witch. His belief that she is is strengthened when the Kravitzes give to Tabatha a gift of one share in a stock that has not moved in twenty years, and by the next day the stock increases by 6 points, almost doubling its worth. Samantha believes it is just coincidence, but as she convinces Darrin that she or Endora had nothing to do with the stock's rise, Darrin believes Tabatha manipulated the market for her own benefit. As an experiment, Darrin buys Tabatha a share in another stock of her "pointing", which also nearly doubles its worth overnight. Beyond the Kravitzes wanting to get in on whatever is causing the Stephenses seemingly to get rich - even if it is by voodoo as Gladys suspects - only one thing may convince Darrin that none of the unusual stock activity was of Tabatha's doing.
Sam.
The baby is crying.
She probably wants her bottle.
Okay, I'll be a good father
and get it myself.
Darrin, the baby is crying.
She had me up and down
all night long.
So would you mind if just this once
I gave her her bottle by...?
You wouldn't? Thanks.
Samantha. Samantha, wake up.
Samantha!
What's wrong?
I now have positive proof that
our baby is a full-blooded witch.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Your old man has to go to work.
Darrin.
You haven't apologized to her...
for accusing her of
being a full-blooded witch.
Now, you know that's impossible.
Why? Her mother is a witch.
But you're not. You're a mortal.
So the most she can be
is a half-blooded witch.
You're right. I apologize.
- Good morning.
- Oh, hello.
Excuse us for barging in, but we want
to give the baby a present.
In honour of being born.
Oh, Mr. And Mrs. Kravitz,
you shouldn't have.
You see, Gladys? Just because
they sent an announcement...
- didn't mean we had to.
- Oh, Abner, stop kidding.
- He's just kidding.
- Well, come right on in.
Darrin, the Kravitzes brought
Tabatha a present.
Mr. And Mrs. Kravitz,
you shouldn't have.
Oh, don't be silly.
It was our pleasure.
Oh, is so pretty. You are so pretty.
You're the prettiest little girl.
You're getting prettier every day.
Gladys, please, no baby talk.
It upsets my stomach
worse than her cooking.
Tell them about the gift, Gladys.
Well, we got,
in the baby's very own name...
one share of stock
in Kapoopsie Woolens.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Darrin, isn't that wonderful?
It certainly is.
What's Kapoopsie Woolens?
It's not Kapoopsie. It's Poughkeepsie,
as in the city of the same name.
Poughkeepsie, New York.
I thought you said Kapoopsie.
I've been a stockholder in it
for 20 years.
And in those 20 years, the price
of the stock never went down. Or up.
That's what makes it
a sound investment.
Thank you, from both of us.
From all three of us.
You're entirely welcome.
We bought it through
my cousin Julius.
If you ever need a good stockbroker,
I recommend him.
His name is Cushman.
Julius Cushman.
As a matter of fact, I just happen
to have one of his cards.
"One share of common stock.
Stockholder's name:
Tabatha Stephens."
Well, Tabatha,
you're a Wall Street tycoon.
- I don't believe it.
- What's the matter, Julius?
A stock that hasn't moved
in 20 years just went up six points.
- What's the name of it?
- Poughkeepsie Woolens.
Samantha. Honey.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi, darling. Where's Tabatha?
She's upstairs.
I was just gonna take up her laundry.
I'll go with you. As soon as
I tell you what happened.
- At the office?
- No. On Wall Street.
Poughkeepsie Woolens,
which opened at $9 per share...
closed at $15 per share.
In other words, it leaped $6.
How about that.
- I bet Tabatha brought it luck.
- That's one way of putting it.
There's another?
Sam, being a devoted mother...
did you use a little witchcraft
to put in the fix?
I most certainly did not.
- That would be highly unethical.
- Okay. I'm sorry.
But how do you explain
that after 20 years...
this stock suddenly jumps?
Easy.
After 20 years,
it was probably overdue.
Honey, that isn't the way
the stock market works.
Now the value of these stocks
depends...
Hold everything.
What about your mother?
What about my mother what?
Maybe she used a little witchcraft
to feather her granddaughter's nest.
Being highly unethical
wouldn't stop her.
Darrin, be logical.
If Mother wanted to feather
her granddaughter's nest...
she would not tamper with stocks.
She'd merely whip up
a couple of million dollars cash.
You're right.
So it wasn't either one of you.
Come on, let's go see the baby.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi, my darling.
You know what? Congratulations.
Your stock went up six points.
Sam, did you see that? She smiled.
Yes. She probably has a little gas.
No, honey. She understood me.
I told her her stock went up six points,
and she expressed satisfaction.
How can she possibly understand?
She's just a baby.
She is not just a baby.
She's your baby.
Maybe Tabatha did it herself.
Maybe she used her own powers
to influence the stock market.
Darling, we aren't even sure
she has any powers.
We're not sure that she hasn't.
- There's only one way to find out.
- How?
We'll conduct an experiment.
What kind of experiment?
We'll buy a second share of stock,
see what happens to it.
And we'll make it very scientific.
We'll let her pick the stock.
Darling, Tabatha can't read.
She's not old enough.
Just a minute. Pick a stock.
Pick a stock.
Pick a stock, darling.
Pick a stock.
But she can point.
That's not pointing.
That's playing with the newspaper.
"Nelson Aerodynamics."
Closed at $12.
I'll buy her one share tomorrow.
Sweetheart.
Don't you think it's a little silly
to throw away $12 on something silly?
No, honey. We have to find out
if she is or if she isn't.
- This is the only way.
- There's another way.
- What way?
- Wait a year and ask her.
I'll place the order tomorrow
through Mrs. Kravitz's cousin.
Frank.
Are you familiar with a dog on the
market called Nelson Aerodynamics?
And how. It's a real nothing.
Don't tell me you bought it.
Yep.
For my cousin's neighbour's baby.
And it just went up five points.
Samantha. Samantha!
Oh, I'll be right out.
I'm just heating Tabatha's bottle.
Don't you look at me so innocently.
Now, I know you don't know
any better.
But you cannot tamper
with the American economy.
I realize it's not your fault,
and I'm not blaming you.
But it's got to stop.
Now, this is very serious,
and it's very complicated.
So I want you to listen closely.
When the stocks act strangely,
the public panics.
And that causes disasters
like the big crash in 1929.
You wouldn't want to
throw your country...
into another depression,
would you?
I don't believe it.
I simply don't believe it.
A grown man giving a lecture
on the stock market to a tiny baby.
Sam, this tiny baby made herself
$10 and a half in one day.
Nelson Aerodynamics
closed at 22 and one-half.
It did?
What are you so happy about?
That means the experiment worked.
- It did?
- Yes, it did.
That proves that our baby
not only has powers...
but she uses them
for her own selfish personal profit.
Darrin, maybe...
I know, Sam, it's not her fault.
But somehow she's got to develop
a sense of responsibility.
She's a tiny baby.
I know, that's what makes it
so tough.
Somehow I've got to make her
realize...
the significance
of the national economy.
Oh, my stars.
Oh, Tabatha. Isn't Daddy funny?
He thinks you've been wheeling
and dealing in the stock market.
How about that.
You, a sweet, adorable baby.
And if you have, be a good girl
and cut it out, huh?
Hello.
Good morning, Gladys. Julius.
Listen, I was surprised to hear
that Poughkeepsie went up too.
I'll tell you why I phoned.
Your neighbour Mr. Stephens...
must have some hot
inside information on the market.
Yesterday, he bought a stock that went
up 10 and a half points in one day.
So if you wanna gamble...
I suggest you get him
to give you a few tips.
Why, thank you, Julius. We'll do that.
Thank you for calling.
Listen, give my love
to Henrietta and the parakeets.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
- Who called?
- My cousin Julius.
Abner, if we play our cards right,
we can get rich.
Did Poughkeepsie go up again?
No. We're gonna sell that stock.
And we're gonna buy
what Mr. Stephens tells us.
Julius says he must have
some hot inside information.
- Gladys.
- Come on. Let's go talk to him.
Gladys, if I say I refuse to discuss
the subject further, let's drop it...
- what would you do?
- I would nag you so unmercifully...
you'd think
I never nagged you before.
That's what I thought. Let's go.
All right, Tabatha.
I'm gonna take your diapers upstairs,
and then it's time for your bath.
He probably left for work. Don't ring
the bell until I see if his car is here.
Oh, okay.
You want your new dolly to come too?
I bet you do.
All right. As long as
I only have two hands.
The garage is empty.
Let's go home and forget it.
Abner.
I'll take a wild guess.
You saw something so peculiar...
it exceeds the boundaries
of man's imagination.
Yes. I saw the Stephens' baby fly.
That's terrific. Most kids her age
can't even walk.
Oh, Abner, why won't you ever
believe me?
Gladys, where did
the Stephens' baby fly to?
Upstairs. Toward her room.
She's probably made
a three-point landing right in her crib.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
- You're holding the baby in your arms.
Oh, I do that a lot.
Gladys thought the baby
would be in her room.
Oh, she's en route to get her bath.
Would you mind letting us
come up and watch?
Well, it's not that spectacular,
you know.
Maybe not to you, but it would
brighten up our drab lives.
Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm still a little nervous.
I'm only a novice, and I'm not sure
I'm ready for an audience yet.
That's okay. We're easy to please.
Okay. Just remember
I'm still a beginner.
Abner, since when do you like
to watch babies take baths?
Not babies, Gladys. Baby.
I wanna show you
there's only one, a non-flier.
Oh, thank you.
There you go.
Now, you just relax.
The trick to bathing a baby
is to get everything ready in advance.
My cousin says that Mr. Stephens
bought a stock...
that went up 10 and a half points
in one day.
- Ten and a half points?
- In one day.
Oh, beginner's luck.
How did Mr. Stephens
pick that stock out?
Oh, just a hunch, I guess.
Maybe Tabatha gave him a tip on it.
I forgot the soap. Excuse me.
Gladys, what are you doing?
What's it look like I'm doing?
I'm snooping.
Abner.
Here's today's paper,
folded at the financial page.
So what?
Abner, how can you be so dense?
Didn't you hear her say that the baby
gave him a tip?
And then we find the paper
in the nursery.
Don't you see?
Like mother like daughter.
Gladys, can you be more specific?
Well, it's obvious.
Tabatha made that stock go up
10 and a half points by voodoo.
And she did the same thing
for Kapoopsie Woolens.
Gladys, for the last time,
it's not Kapoopsie. It's Poughkeepsie.
Alrighty. Now, all we need
is the water.
She wants the paper.
Just like kids. They wanna play
with everything but their toys.
She's not playing.
She's picking a stock.
"East South Dakota Petroleum."
She's telling us to buy
East South Dakota Petroleum.
That's funny.
I didn't hear her say a word.
Don't you see? She's bribing us.
She's telling us,
"Aunt Gladys and Uncle Abner...
if you'll keep my secret,
I'll make you rich."
You don't have to make us rich.
We'll keep your secret
if you keep ours.
- What's our secret?
- Aunt Gladys is sick in the head...
and needs a thorough
psychiatric examination...
which Uncle Abner
is now going home to arrange.
Abner, wait!
Well, that was close.
Abner. Wait till I tell you
what Mrs. Stephens did to the water.
I just got home and saw the sign.
- "Room for rent"?
- Out of necessity.
This morning, we sold
our Poughkeepsie Woolens...
and invested all our money
in East South Dakota Petroleum.
By this afternoon,
it had dropped 21 points.
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
And you haven't heard
the worst part.
My wife says she invested
in the stock...
because she got a magic message
from your daughter.
Pathetic, isn't it?
Darrin, don't yell.
You'll wake up the baby.
How can she sleep?
She just destroyed the life savings
of a sweet, middle-aged couple.
You're not making any sense.
Gladys got a tip from Tabatha,
and the stock went down.
- That proves one thing.
- What?
If Tabatha gave Mrs. Kravitz
a tip on the stock market...
which you believe she did
and I don't...
Tabatha would've
used her powers...
which you believe she has
and I don't...
to make the stock go up,
not down...
as she did before, which you believe
she did and I don't.
- Not necessarily.
- Why not?
The stock wasn't purchased
in her name.
Really.
What are you doing,
reporting her to the SEC?
I am ordering her one share
of East South Dakota Petroleum...
so tomorrow when it rises,
it takes the Kravitzes off the hook.
May I speak to Mr. Julius Cushman,
please?
Mr. Cushman, Darrin Stephens.
Please give me the closing price
on East South Dakota Petroleum.
With pleasure. After a severe,
early afternoon dip...
East South Dak Pet rallied
to close where it opened...
at $30 per share.
You're kidding.
How come?
I see.
Who told you?
Our research department.
While I was at it...
I had them tell me what happened...
with Poughkeepsie Woolen and
Nelson Aero.
Oh, what...? What did happen?
I see. Well, that's very interesting,
Mr. Cushman.
No, no. I think I'll just play it cool.
Oh, thank you.
What is interesting?
Well, East South Dakota Petroleum
bounced back...
so tomorrow the Kravitzes
can sell and break even.
What made it bounce back?
You wouldn't understand, honey.
It's very dull.
I think I'd find it fascinating.
What happened?
Well, the earlier dip...
was caused by a rumour
that a new oil well failed to strike oil.
Well, they found out the rumour
wasn't true. It just bounced back up.
How about Poughkeepsie Woolens?
Honey, how about a martini?
How about letting Tabatha
off the hook?
Okay. Poughkeepsie Woolens
bounced back...
because of the discovery
of a new synthetic fabric.
And how about
Nelson Aerodynamics?
There's no way I can get out of this?
Nope.
Nelson Aerodynamics went up...
because they got
a government contract.
There were three logical reasons
for the way the stocks acted.
- Tabatha had nothing to do with it?
- You could say that. Yes.
I did. Now you can make me
that martini.
Sam, I just had a terrible thought.
What?
Supposing it appeared
that there were logical reasons...
for the stocks bouncing around.
- Supposing she knew they'd strike oil.
- Darrin.
She knew they'd discover
a new synthetic.
- You can't blame me for wondering.
- If you don't stop this...
- do you know what's gonna happen?
- What?
You're gonna turn into
another Gladys Kravitz.
You just cured me.
Thanks.
Alrighty, madam,
let's see what we can do here.
- Good morning, ladies.
- Oh, good morning, Da-da.
Oh, it sure is nice sleeping in late
on Sunday, right?
Oh, well, we ladies wouldn't know.
We were up at 6:00.
Sam.
Is Tabatha up to her old tricks again?
Hardly. This is yesterday's
sports page.
I'm using it to line
the wastepaper basket.
Yeah, honey, but she put her finger
on the entries at Aqueduct.
On a horse in the first race
named Princess Jennie.
Darrin, you're not gonna start
that again.
Well, as long as it was yesterday's
paper, let's just take a look and see.
First race at Aqueduct
was won by Dirty Arnold...
beating Princess Jennie
in a photo finish.
- There, you see?
- I see.
Unless Princess Jennie didn't win
because she didn't have a bet on it.
Darrin, will you please...?
Will you please...?
Yes, Sam. Will I please what?
Will you please hold Tabatha
while I finish lining the wastebasket?
Who do you like in the fourth?
Darrin.
The baby is crying.
She probably wants her bottle.
Okay, I'll be a good father
and get it myself.
Darrin, the baby is crying.
She had me up and down
all night long.
So would you mind if just this once
I gave her her bottle by...?
You wouldn't? Thanks.
Samantha. Samantha, wake up.
Samantha!
What's wrong?
I now have positive proof that
our baby is a full-blooded witch.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Your old man has to go to work.
Darrin.
You haven't apologized to her...
for accusing her of
being a full-blooded witch.
Now, you know that's impossible.
Why? Her mother is a witch.
But you're not. You're a mortal.
So the most she can be
is a half-blooded witch.
You're right. I apologize.
- Good morning.
- Oh, hello.
Excuse us for barging in, but we want
to give the baby a present.
In honour of being born.
Oh, Mr. And Mrs. Kravitz,
you shouldn't have.
You see, Gladys? Just because
they sent an announcement...
- didn't mean we had to.
- Oh, Abner, stop kidding.
- He's just kidding.
- Well, come right on in.
Darrin, the Kravitzes brought
Tabatha a present.
Mr. And Mrs. Kravitz,
you shouldn't have.
Oh, don't be silly.
It was our pleasure.
Oh, is so pretty. You are so pretty.
You're the prettiest little girl.
You're getting prettier every day.
Gladys, please, no baby talk.
It upsets my stomach
worse than her cooking.
Tell them about the gift, Gladys.
Well, we got,
in the baby's very own name...
one share of stock
in Kapoopsie Woolens.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Darrin, isn't that wonderful?
It certainly is.
What's Kapoopsie Woolens?
It's not Kapoopsie. It's Poughkeepsie,
as in the city of the same name.
Poughkeepsie, New York.
I thought you said Kapoopsie.
I've been a stockholder in it
for 20 years.
And in those 20 years, the price
of the stock never went down. Or up.
That's what makes it
a sound investment.
Thank you, from both of us.
From all three of us.
You're entirely welcome.
We bought it through
my cousin Julius.
If you ever need a good stockbroker,
I recommend him.
His name is Cushman.
Julius Cushman.
As a matter of fact, I just happen
to have one of his cards.
"One share of common stock.
Stockholder's name:
Tabatha Stephens."
Well, Tabatha,
you're a Wall Street tycoon.
- I don't believe it.
- What's the matter, Julius?
A stock that hasn't moved
in 20 years just went up six points.
- What's the name of it?
- Poughkeepsie Woolens.
Samantha. Honey.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi, darling. Where's Tabatha?
She's upstairs.
I was just gonna take up her laundry.
I'll go with you. As soon as
I tell you what happened.
- At the office?
- No. On Wall Street.
Poughkeepsie Woolens,
which opened at $9 per share...
closed at $15 per share.
In other words, it leaped $6.
How about that.
- I bet Tabatha brought it luck.
- That's one way of putting it.
There's another?
Sam, being a devoted mother...
did you use a little witchcraft
to put in the fix?
I most certainly did not.
- That would be highly unethical.
- Okay. I'm sorry.
But how do you explain
that after 20 years...
this stock suddenly jumps?
Easy.
After 20 years,
it was probably overdue.
Honey, that isn't the way
the stock market works.
Now the value of these stocks
depends...
Hold everything.
What about your mother?
What about my mother what?
Maybe she used a little witchcraft
to feather her granddaughter's nest.
Being highly unethical
wouldn't stop her.
Darrin, be logical.
If Mother wanted to feather
her granddaughter's nest...
she would not tamper with stocks.
She'd merely whip up
a couple of million dollars cash.
You're right.
So it wasn't either one of you.
Come on, let's go see the baby.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi, my darling.
You know what? Congratulations.
Your stock went up six points.
Sam, did you see that? She smiled.
Yes. She probably has a little gas.
No, honey. She understood me.
I told her her stock went up six points,
and she expressed satisfaction.
How can she possibly understand?
She's just a baby.
She is not just a baby.
She's your baby.
Maybe Tabatha did it herself.
Maybe she used her own powers
to influence the stock market.
Darling, we aren't even sure
she has any powers.
We're not sure that she hasn't.
- There's only one way to find out.
- How?
We'll conduct an experiment.
What kind of experiment?
We'll buy a second share of stock,
see what happens to it.
And we'll make it very scientific.
We'll let her pick the stock.
Darling, Tabatha can't read.
She's not old enough.
Just a minute. Pick a stock.
Pick a stock.
Pick a stock, darling.
Pick a stock.
But she can point.
That's not pointing.
That's playing with the newspaper.
"Nelson Aerodynamics."
Closed at $12.
I'll buy her one share tomorrow.
Sweetheart.
Don't you think it's a little silly
to throw away $12 on something silly?
No, honey. We have to find out
if she is or if she isn't.
- This is the only way.
- There's another way.
- What way?
- Wait a year and ask her.
I'll place the order tomorrow
through Mrs. Kravitz's cousin.
Frank.
Are you familiar with a dog on the
market called Nelson Aerodynamics?
And how. It's a real nothing.
Don't tell me you bought it.
Yep.
For my cousin's neighbour's baby.
And it just went up five points.
Samantha. Samantha!
Oh, I'll be right out.
I'm just heating Tabatha's bottle.
Don't you look at me so innocently.
Now, I know you don't know
any better.
But you cannot tamper
with the American economy.
I realize it's not your fault,
and I'm not blaming you.
But it's got to stop.
Now, this is very serious,
and it's very complicated.
So I want you to listen closely.
When the stocks act strangely,
the public panics.
And that causes disasters
like the big crash in 1929.
You wouldn't want to
throw your country...
into another depression,
would you?
I don't believe it.
I simply don't believe it.
A grown man giving a lecture
on the stock market to a tiny baby.
Sam, this tiny baby made herself
$10 and a half in one day.
Nelson Aerodynamics
closed at 22 and one-half.
It did?
What are you so happy about?
That means the experiment worked.
- It did?
- Yes, it did.
That proves that our baby
not only has powers...
but she uses them
for her own selfish personal profit.
Darrin, maybe...
I know, Sam, it's not her fault.
But somehow she's got to develop
a sense of responsibility.
She's a tiny baby.
I know, that's what makes it
so tough.
Somehow I've got to make her
realize...
the significance
of the national economy.
Oh, my stars.
Oh, Tabatha. Isn't Daddy funny?
He thinks you've been wheeling
and dealing in the stock market.
How about that.
You, a sweet, adorable baby.
And if you have, be a good girl
and cut it out, huh?
Hello.
Good morning, Gladys. Julius.
Listen, I was surprised to hear
that Poughkeepsie went up too.
I'll tell you why I phoned.
Your neighbour Mr. Stephens...
must have some hot
inside information on the market.
Yesterday, he bought a stock that went
up 10 and a half points in one day.
So if you wanna gamble...
I suggest you get him
to give you a few tips.
Why, thank you, Julius. We'll do that.
Thank you for calling.
Listen, give my love
to Henrietta and the parakeets.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
- Who called?
- My cousin Julius.
Abner, if we play our cards right,
we can get rich.
Did Poughkeepsie go up again?
No. We're gonna sell that stock.
And we're gonna buy
what Mr. Stephens tells us.
Julius says he must have
some hot inside information.
- Gladys.
- Come on. Let's go talk to him.
Gladys, if I say I refuse to discuss
the subject further, let's drop it...
- what would you do?
- I would nag you so unmercifully...
you'd think
I never nagged you before.
That's what I thought. Let's go.
All right, Tabatha.
I'm gonna take your diapers upstairs,
and then it's time for your bath.
He probably left for work. Don't ring
the bell until I see if his car is here.
Oh, okay.
You want your new dolly to come too?
I bet you do.
All right. As long as
I only have two hands.
The garage is empty.
Let's go home and forget it.
Abner.
I'll take a wild guess.
You saw something so peculiar...
it exceeds the boundaries
of man's imagination.
Yes. I saw the Stephens' baby fly.
That's terrific. Most kids her age
can't even walk.
Oh, Abner, why won't you ever
believe me?
Gladys, where did
the Stephens' baby fly to?
Upstairs. Toward her room.
She's probably made
a three-point landing right in her crib.
Good morning.
- Good morning.
- You're holding the baby in your arms.
Oh, I do that a lot.
Gladys thought the baby
would be in her room.
Oh, she's en route to get her bath.
Would you mind letting us
come up and watch?
Well, it's not that spectacular,
you know.
Maybe not to you, but it would
brighten up our drab lives.
Well, to tell you the truth,
I'm still a little nervous.
I'm only a novice, and I'm not sure
I'm ready for an audience yet.
That's okay. We're easy to please.
Okay. Just remember
I'm still a beginner.
Abner, since when do you like
to watch babies take baths?
Not babies, Gladys. Baby.
I wanna show you
there's only one, a non-flier.
Oh, thank you.
There you go.
Now, you just relax.
The trick to bathing a baby
is to get everything ready in advance.
My cousin says that Mr. Stephens
bought a stock...
that went up 10 and a half points
in one day.
- Ten and a half points?
- In one day.
Oh, beginner's luck.
How did Mr. Stephens
pick that stock out?
Oh, just a hunch, I guess.
Maybe Tabatha gave him a tip on it.
I forgot the soap. Excuse me.
Gladys, what are you doing?
What's it look like I'm doing?
I'm snooping.
Abner.
Here's today's paper,
folded at the financial page.
So what?
Abner, how can you be so dense?
Didn't you hear her say that the baby
gave him a tip?
And then we find the paper
in the nursery.
Don't you see?
Like mother like daughter.
Gladys, can you be more specific?
Well, it's obvious.
Tabatha made that stock go up
10 and a half points by voodoo.
And she did the same thing
for Kapoopsie Woolens.
Gladys, for the last time,
it's not Kapoopsie. It's Poughkeepsie.
Alrighty. Now, all we need
is the water.
She wants the paper.
Just like kids. They wanna play
with everything but their toys.
She's not playing.
She's picking a stock.
"East South Dakota Petroleum."
She's telling us to buy
East South Dakota Petroleum.
That's funny.
I didn't hear her say a word.
Don't you see? She's bribing us.
She's telling us,
"Aunt Gladys and Uncle Abner...
if you'll keep my secret,
I'll make you rich."
You don't have to make us rich.
We'll keep your secret
if you keep ours.
- What's our secret?
- Aunt Gladys is sick in the head...
and needs a thorough
psychiatric examination...
which Uncle Abner
is now going home to arrange.
Abner, wait!
Well, that was close.
Abner. Wait till I tell you
what Mrs. Stephens did to the water.
I just got home and saw the sign.
- "Room for rent"?
- Out of necessity.
This morning, we sold
our Poughkeepsie Woolens...
and invested all our money
in East South Dakota Petroleum.
By this afternoon,
it had dropped 21 points.
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
And you haven't heard
the worst part.
My wife says she invested
in the stock...
because she got a magic message
from your daughter.
Pathetic, isn't it?
Darrin, don't yell.
You'll wake up the baby.
How can she sleep?
She just destroyed the life savings
of a sweet, middle-aged couple.
You're not making any sense.
Gladys got a tip from Tabatha,
and the stock went down.
- That proves one thing.
- What?
If Tabatha gave Mrs. Kravitz
a tip on the stock market...
which you believe she did
and I don't...
Tabatha would've
used her powers...
which you believe she has
and I don't...
to make the stock go up,
not down...
as she did before, which you believe
she did and I don't.
- Not necessarily.
- Why not?
The stock wasn't purchased
in her name.
Really.
What are you doing,
reporting her to the SEC?
I am ordering her one share
of East South Dakota Petroleum...
so tomorrow when it rises,
it takes the Kravitzes off the hook.
May I speak to Mr. Julius Cushman,
please?
Mr. Cushman, Darrin Stephens.
Please give me the closing price
on East South Dakota Petroleum.
With pleasure. After a severe,
early afternoon dip...
East South Dak Pet rallied
to close where it opened...
at $30 per share.
You're kidding.
How come?
I see.
Who told you?
Our research department.
While I was at it...
I had them tell me what happened...
with Poughkeepsie Woolen and
Nelson Aero.
Oh, what...? What did happen?
I see. Well, that's very interesting,
Mr. Cushman.
No, no. I think I'll just play it cool.
Oh, thank you.
What is interesting?
Well, East South Dakota Petroleum
bounced back...
so tomorrow the Kravitzes
can sell and break even.
What made it bounce back?
You wouldn't understand, honey.
It's very dull.
I think I'd find it fascinating.
What happened?
Well, the earlier dip...
was caused by a rumour
that a new oil well failed to strike oil.
Well, they found out the rumour
wasn't true. It just bounced back up.
How about Poughkeepsie Woolens?
Honey, how about a martini?
How about letting Tabatha
off the hook?
Okay. Poughkeepsie Woolens
bounced back...
because of the discovery
of a new synthetic fabric.
And how about
Nelson Aerodynamics?
There's no way I can get out of this?
Nope.
Nelson Aerodynamics went up...
because they got
a government contract.
There were three logical reasons
for the way the stocks acted.
- Tabatha had nothing to do with it?
- You could say that. Yes.
I did. Now you can make me
that martini.
Sam, I just had a terrible thought.
What?
Supposing it appeared
that there were logical reasons...
for the stocks bouncing around.
- Supposing she knew they'd strike oil.
- Darrin.
She knew they'd discover
a new synthetic.
- You can't blame me for wondering.
- If you don't stop this...
- do you know what's gonna happen?
- What?
You're gonna turn into
another Gladys Kravitz.
You just cured me.
Thanks.
Alrighty, madam,
let's see what we can do here.
- Good morning, ladies.
- Oh, good morning, Da-da.
Oh, it sure is nice sleeping in late
on Sunday, right?
Oh, well, we ladies wouldn't know.
We were up at 6:00.
Sam.
Is Tabatha up to her old tricks again?
Hardly. This is yesterday's
sports page.
I'm using it to line
the wastepaper basket.
Yeah, honey, but she put her finger
on the entries at Aqueduct.
On a horse in the first race
named Princess Jennie.
Darrin, you're not gonna start
that again.
Well, as long as it was yesterday's
paper, let's just take a look and see.
First race at Aqueduct
was won by Dirty Arnold...
beating Princess Jennie
in a photo finish.
- There, you see?
- I see.
Unless Princess Jennie didn't win
because she didn't have a bet on it.
Darrin, will you please...?
Will you please...?
Yes, Sam. Will I please what?
Will you please hold Tabatha
while I finish lining the wastebasket?
Who do you like in the fourth?
Darrin.