Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 2, Episode 17 - Maid to Order - full transcript
Because he doesn't want Samantha to do any heavy work or do that work using witchcraft, Darrin wants Samantha to hire a maid. She reluctantly agrees, her reluctance due to the fact that she doesn't want a stranger invading her house and their lives. After a few less than satisfactory interviews, Samantha finally decides to hire Naomi Hogan. Naomi admits that she is not the best housekeeper in the world - in fact, she admits that she is quite inept at it - but she's nice, honest, and she needs the money to put her son through medical school. Naomi ends up being a great housekeeper, but it's all with Samantha being her secret shadow, she who uses her witchcraft to right all Naomi's many wrongs. Not knowing what's going on, Darrin agrees to Louise's request to lend Naomi out for an evening to prepare a fancy meal for a business dinner party which will not include Darrin and Samantha. Samantha then has no option but to tell Darrin the truth. They have to figure out a way to get invited to the party so that Samantha can still act as Naomi's shadow, or risk the party and the resulting business going down the drain. They also have to deal with the longer term aspect of Naomi as their housekeeper.
Mother.
Oh, hi, sweetheart.
Now, just what do you
think you're doing?
It's called vacuuming the draperies.
Excuse me.
Honey, I don't want you bending
and stretching like that.
Not in your condition.
Well, I appreciate your concern,
but I'm fine.
And I want to keep it that way.
I don't want you to lift a finger
till the baby comes.
- But Darrin...
- I don't mind...
you doing a little housework as
long as you don't tax your strength.
But no bending and stretching.
You sit right down there.
I'm gonna bring you a glass of milk.
Samantha.
Turn it off.
That settles it.
- We'll hire a maid.
- What?
Louise and Larry have a maid.
Esmeralda. She's a jewel.
I appreciate the offer,
but I don't want a maid.
- Why not?
- Because...
I don't want a total stranger
running my household.
She won't run it, honey.
She'll just help you run it.
After the baby comes,
we'll have a built-in babysitter.
I'll call the agency and they'll send
some girls for you to interview.
- Darrin, I don't...
- Sam.
I'm concerned about the health
and comfort of my wife and child.
You really mean that, don't you?
Yeah.
All right. All right, bring on the girls.
I'll interview them. If I find one
that doesn't frighten me, I'll hire her.
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
I hope.
- Mrs. Darrin Stephens?
- Yes.
I'm from the employment agency.
My name is Mrs. Luftwaffe.
Mrs. Luftwaffe?
It's European. Shall we be seated?
Yes.
My terms are as follows:
I do no cooking, washing,
ironing or heavy cleaning.
I arise at 9 a.m.
I have Saturday and Sunday off.
I leave at noon on Friday
and return at noon on Monday.
My room must have
a colour television set.
And I reserve the right to choose
my own wallpaper.
I see.
Now, about references...
Yes. I'll look at them now.
You want to see my references?
From former housekeepers.
Well, I'm afraid
there haven't been any.
That's bad.
I have a rule against
working for beginners.
- Well, in that case, I won't take...
- However...
if I decide you have possibilities,
I might make an exception.
How do you decide
if I have possibilities?
I inspect how neat
you keep your kitchen.
Well, I don't think
that'll be necessary.
I'm sure I don't come up
to your standards.
I'll be the judge of that.
Now, where is it?
- What?
- The kitchen.
Follow me.
Right that way.
Hi there.
I'm the maid
from the employment agency.
- You are?
- Yeah.
I always get that reaction at first.
I mean, just because a girl's a maid...
is no reason not to make
the most of her appearance.
- Right?
- I guess not.
- And you certainly have.
- Oh, thanks.
Hey, this is a groovy-looking house.
Yeah, real groovy.
It has a fun feeling about it,
you know.
- What does your husband do?
- He's in advertising.
Groovy.
Maybe he could cast me
in a coast-to-coast commercial.
I'm very photogenic.
Here are references from
the last five husbands I worked for.
Don't references generally
come from the wives?
Not in my case.
Somehow I always seem to establish
better rapport with the husbands.
- Isn't that funny?
- Hysterical.
- Is your husband a good dancer?
- Groovy.
- Would you like to see a picture?
- I'd adore it.
This is my Darrin.
Sweetie, it's nothing personal,
but I do have other people to see.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Naomi Hogan.
I'm a refined widow,
and if the job is still open, I'll take it.
I have my own uniforms.
I love children, and I need the money.
How do you like me so far?
So far, I like you just fine.
But I bet you'd like to know
more about me.
Yes, I would. Shall we be seated?
Well, I was born in Cincinnati...
the eldest daughter of a poor
but honest freelance upholsterer.
- Mrs. Hogan...
- Oh, call me Naomi.
All right. Naomi.
I wanted to know more about your
experience as a housekeeper.
Yes. I was afraid you would.
Why?
Because lately my experience
has been lousy.
Due to a clash of personalities...
I have lost five jobs
in the past four weeks.
Clash of personalities over what?
My general incompetence...
my inedible cooking...
and my nervous habit of breaking
whatever I touch.
Well, you have one obvious virtue.
- What's that?
- You're honest.
Oh, I'm also desperate.
See, I'm sending my son
through medical school...
and if I don't get a job...
I won't be able to meet the deadline
on next semester's tuition.
I'll clean, I'll scrub, I'll slave...
and I'll also sign a note
at 10-percent interest...
for everything I break.
- Naomi.
- Yes, ma'am.
- You're hired.
- You're kidding.
So the drunk says to the gorilla,
"Lady, don't brush me off...
just because
you're wearing a mink coat."
Why aren't you laughing, Louise?
Dear, I've heard that joke
at least 50 times.
And what's your excuse, Sam?
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Larry.
She was busy worrying
about our new maid.
And I don't blame her.
We really should've postponed this
till next week.
You don't have company
the night you have a new maid.
- You give her time to get adjusted.
- Ridiculous.
If she came from the same agency
that sent Esmeralda...
she's a seasoned veteran.
Samantha, why not go out
and see how she's doing.
I know you're dying to.
Yes, I think I will. Excuse me.
How you doing?
Oh, dear, I'm sorry.
That's all right. It was my fault.
I startled you.
Well, back to the old lettuce bin.
Have you followed my recipe
for Parisian consomm??
I tried to, but consomm?
isn't exactly my long suit.
I see what you mean.
- Have you tasted it yet?
- No. Not yet.
Maybe I'd better.
In your condition,
it might not be safe.
No. It just needs a little stirring.
See?
That's terrific.
Thank you.
- I mean, congratulations.
- How about that.
I made Parisian consomm?.
Let's see how well
you did with the roast.
Is it too well-done?
No. No, not really.
You're just saying that to be nice.
It looks like a king-size prune.
It just needs a little basting.
What a baste.
Mrs. Stephens, that's the best roast
I ever executed.
Well, it looks like dinner is all ready.
I'll seat the guests
and you serve the consomm?.
Yes, ma'am.
And, Naomi, keep up the good work.
Yes, ma'am.
Superb.
I may not know anything about
cooking, but I know about eating.
And this entire meal was magnificent.
- Amen.
- Thank you.
You mean, thank Naomi.
Yes, thank Naomi.
- Morning, Naomi.
- Good morning.
Why are you here
on your day off?
I'm waiting for you to approve
my estimate...
on what I cost you in breakage.
Five, 7, 9, 13, 19, 25, 8, 12, 21, 27.
Fourteen dollars and 75 cents.
I figure 5 bucks
for cups and saucers...
$4 for ashtrays,
2.50 for plates.
Naomi, we're insured.
And even if we weren't, your son
needs that money more than we do.
Mrs. Stephens, you're the kindest lady
I ever worked for.
- And the best homemaker.
- Really?
I can't explain it, but with you around
to give me handy hints...
I can do things
that I could never do before.
- Want me to fix breakfast?
- No.
No, you run along
and have a nice day.
- Know what working for you is like?
- What?
It's like all of a sudden,
I found my good fairy.
- Good morning, Naomi.
- Good morning.
- Today's your day off.
- Yes.
- I'm leaving as soon as I get my purse.
- Well, have a good day.
- Hello.
- Darrin, Louise.
In trouble.
Esmeralda was called out of town
because of illness in her family...
and tonight I'm having a formal
dinner party for eight people...
including that big-shot new client,
What's-His-Name.
Right. H.J. Simpson.
Well, we know it's an imposition,
but Larry and I wondered...
would you mind lending us
Naomi for this evening?
To cook that same wonderful meal
we had with you.
We'd be happy to pay her $15.
- Just a second. Naomi.
- Yes, sir.
Would you like to earn
an extra $15?
Oh, I'd love to.
My son, the medical student...
has to get a new pair
of white shoes.
Mrs. Tate needs help with a party.
What time do you want her there?
- Oh, about 5:00.
- Okay. Five o'clock.
- That's the address.
- Thanks a million.
I'll go get a uniform.
It's all set, Louise.
We're not putting you out, are we?
We really appreciate it.
Don't mention it.
It's Naomi's day off, so it won't
make any difference to Samantha.
That's okay.
Have a nice party.
- Do you still remember how to cook?
- I hope so.
So do I.
Naomi sets a very high standard.
I may be very hard to please.
- Who called?
- Louise Tate.
- About what?
- Oh, Esmeralda had to leave town...
so she hired Naomi to pinch-hit on
a formal dinner party for eight.
May I have my coffee, please, honey?
Naomi!
Naomi! Naomi?
She's gone!
- What's the matter?
- Louise has to cancel that party.
- She can't.
- Why?
- It's in honour of a client.
- Then she has to invite us.
- Why?
- Because...
if I'm not there to give Naomi
some handy hints...
the evening is going to be a fiasco.
Sam, will you please tell me
what you're talking about?
- Do I have to?
- Yes.
Well, it's a long story.
And I have a feeling you're gonna
hate every word of it.
Looks great, Darrin.
Thank you, Larry.
Larry, I've got a great idea.
Why don't you and Louise and
Samantha and I have dinner tonight.
Sam must've told you
Louise borrowed Naomi.
- We're having guests for dinner.
- Oh, that's a pity.
I was looking forward
to seeing both of you.
- Why?
- Just felt like it.
Well, maybe we'll go for a drive.
Darrin, I'm kind of busy.
Maybe we'll drive through
your neighbourhood and drop in.
- What for?
- A bite to eat?
Darrin, I've already told you.
We're having dinner guests.
Larry, it's just as easy to cook
for 10 people as it is for eight.
I don't get it.
Why are you hinting around
to be invited to dinner?
Well, we're very fond of Louise,
and we don't see enough of her.
You saw her Friday night.
Yes, and she was so charming,
we'd like to see her again.
Okay. Why don't you come over
to dinner a week from Sunday.
We're busy.
Why don't we come tonight.
Darrin, tonight is business.
I'm wining and dining
old man Simpson...
and his son, old man Simpson Jr.
I know, and maybe he'd like to meet
some other members of your staff.
The only member of my staff
he's interested in...
is the man assigned
to his account, Bob Chetley.
Why don't Bob and I
change accounts?
I'll take the Simpson account,
and he can take...
- I finally understand.
- You finally understand what?
- You're jealous of Chetley.
- I'm not...
Because I gave
the Simpson account to him.
- Larry, that's not true.
- I think it is.
Look, may we come to dinner or not?
You know, with a little work
you could overcome...
this terrible shyness of yours.
- Yes or no?
- No.
Don't beat around the bush.
Give me an answer.
Get out of here, Darrin.
Honey, I'll bet you a thousand dollars
this doesn't work.
Darrin, don't be pessimistic.
You never know if something
doesn't work until you try it.
All right.
Well, good evening. Welcome to...
- I don't believe it.
- Good evening, Larry.
Here's the book I borrowed
last Christmas.
Thank you.
Do you always get this dressed up
to return books?
- No...
- Not always. Just occasionally.
As an expectant mother, I felt
a craving for a formal dinner party.
Samantha, I admire you.
You do?
I like a wife interested
in her husband's career...
but don't push him too fast.
Darrin will be vice president
when the time comes...
and not a moment before.
Good night.
Well.
- Come on.
- Where are we going?
Home. If Larry thinks we're
bucking for a vice-presidency...
we're gonna stop trying to help him
and let him drown in his own fiasco.
What time is it?
Eight o'clock.
The Tate's kitchen must be
a disaster area by now.
Good.
- How's your pizza?
- Fine.
- How's yours?
- Delicious.
The sweet pizza of revenge.
I...
I forgot the napkins.
- Naomi.
- Yes.
If I didn't know how well
things turn out...
this mess would make me
very nervous.
Well, I'm not used to flying solo.
Somehow I feel much more confident
when Mrs. Stephens is around.
Isn't this Parisian consomm?
a little thick?
No. You just have to stir it.
When Mrs. Stephens stirred it, it...
There.
Very good.
- What took you so long, honey?
- I put the coffee on.
On second thought,
I think I'd rather have tea.
Naomi.
You burned it.
It looks like a king-size prune.
Well, it just needs to be basted.
Oh, it's hopeless.
Mrs. Tate.
Yes?
What happened?
You see? The secret's in the basting.
Where have you been?
As if I didn't know.
Darrin, I just can't stand by idle.
Oh, yes, you can. Larry Tate's
getting exactly what he deserves.
But Louise isn't.
You're not a woman,
so you don't understand.
One fiasco dinner party
can open wounds...
that may never heal!
It's worse than wearing slacks...
when everybody else
is wearing dresses.
- Darrin, please.
- Please, what?
Let me go back and help Naomi.
I promise I'll never use
witchcraft again.
You will?
Well, I'll promise to try and taper off.
Oh, I've got to get back before
something drastic happens.
Just because I'm having
a beef with Larry...
is no reason to take it out
on Louise.
Well, thank you.
I've got to go make dessert.
Swell. I suppose you've got
a great dessert planned.
Cherries Jubilee.
Boy, I should get that lucky.
You just have.
Well, back to Naomi.
Good. Everything's ready to serve.
You see, I told you you didn't
need Mrs. Stephens around.
I guess not.
I've got a very funny feeling, though.
It's as if someone's watching over me.
Nonsense. You're a marvellous cook.
As I said,
somebody up there likes me.
Honey, this is the worst breakfast
I've ever eaten.
I let Naomi cook it herself.
In line with my new policy
of trying to give up witchcraft.
- When are you gonna fire her?
- Soon.
When is soon?
As soon as her son graduates
from medical school.
- Honey, that's...
- Mr. And Mrs. Stephens.
I have something to tell you.
You're the most wonderful people
I've ever worked for...
- so therefore, I'm quitting.
- You are?
You are?
You deserve the absolute tops
in domestic help.
And let's face it,
I am not the absolute tops.
Sooner or later you'd fire me...
so I'd like to quit now
before the baby comes...
because even though
I wouldn't do right by it...
I know I'd fall in love with it,
and I couldn't bear to leave it.
So it'll work better all around
if I leave now.
Oh, here's an estimate
of my breakage.
Now, Naomi, you put that away.
I told you we were insured.
Oh, this is what I broke
at Mrs. Tate's.
Three, 9, 10, carry 1.
Eight, 11, 15, carry 1.
Seventeen dollars and 50 cents.
Well.
Naomi, will you wait for me
in the kitchen, please?
Yes, ma'am.
Darrin, did you hear how she
added these figures?
- She's a good adder.
- Think you could...
get her a job in
your accounting department?
I bet I could.
That would kill three birds
with one stone.
- How three?
- One...
it's a good job that she could keep.
Two, she'd be making a bigger salary
and can send more money to her son.
And three, I could go back
to not having a maid.
Honey, do you really
not want to have a maid?
More than anything I've ever
not wanted in my life.
- Will you look into it this morning?
- I'll look into it this morning.
Naomi.
Mr. Stephens has just had
a brilliant suggestion.
Oh, hi, sweetheart.
Now, just what do you
think you're doing?
It's called vacuuming the draperies.
Excuse me.
Honey, I don't want you bending
and stretching like that.
Not in your condition.
Well, I appreciate your concern,
but I'm fine.
And I want to keep it that way.
I don't want you to lift a finger
till the baby comes.
- But Darrin...
- I don't mind...
you doing a little housework as
long as you don't tax your strength.
But no bending and stretching.
You sit right down there.
I'm gonna bring you a glass of milk.
Samantha.
Turn it off.
That settles it.
- We'll hire a maid.
- What?
Louise and Larry have a maid.
Esmeralda. She's a jewel.
I appreciate the offer,
but I don't want a maid.
- Why not?
- Because...
I don't want a total stranger
running my household.
She won't run it, honey.
She'll just help you run it.
After the baby comes,
we'll have a built-in babysitter.
I'll call the agency and they'll send
some girls for you to interview.
- Darrin, I don't...
- Sam.
I'm concerned about the health
and comfort of my wife and child.
You really mean that, don't you?
Yeah.
All right. All right, bring on the girls.
I'll interview them. If I find one
that doesn't frighten me, I'll hire her.
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
I hope.
- Mrs. Darrin Stephens?
- Yes.
I'm from the employment agency.
My name is Mrs. Luftwaffe.
Mrs. Luftwaffe?
It's European. Shall we be seated?
Yes.
My terms are as follows:
I do no cooking, washing,
ironing or heavy cleaning.
I arise at 9 a.m.
I have Saturday and Sunday off.
I leave at noon on Friday
and return at noon on Monday.
My room must have
a colour television set.
And I reserve the right to choose
my own wallpaper.
I see.
Now, about references...
Yes. I'll look at them now.
You want to see my references?
From former housekeepers.
Well, I'm afraid
there haven't been any.
That's bad.
I have a rule against
working for beginners.
- Well, in that case, I won't take...
- However...
if I decide you have possibilities,
I might make an exception.
How do you decide
if I have possibilities?
I inspect how neat
you keep your kitchen.
Well, I don't think
that'll be necessary.
I'm sure I don't come up
to your standards.
I'll be the judge of that.
Now, where is it?
- What?
- The kitchen.
Follow me.
Right that way.
Hi there.
I'm the maid
from the employment agency.
- You are?
- Yeah.
I always get that reaction at first.
I mean, just because a girl's a maid...
is no reason not to make
the most of her appearance.
- Right?
- I guess not.
- And you certainly have.
- Oh, thanks.
Hey, this is a groovy-looking house.
Yeah, real groovy.
It has a fun feeling about it,
you know.
- What does your husband do?
- He's in advertising.
Groovy.
Maybe he could cast me
in a coast-to-coast commercial.
I'm very photogenic.
Here are references from
the last five husbands I worked for.
Don't references generally
come from the wives?
Not in my case.
Somehow I always seem to establish
better rapport with the husbands.
- Isn't that funny?
- Hysterical.
- Is your husband a good dancer?
- Groovy.
- Would you like to see a picture?
- I'd adore it.
This is my Darrin.
Sweetie, it's nothing personal,
but I do have other people to see.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm Naomi Hogan.
I'm a refined widow,
and if the job is still open, I'll take it.
I have my own uniforms.
I love children, and I need the money.
How do you like me so far?
So far, I like you just fine.
But I bet you'd like to know
more about me.
Yes, I would. Shall we be seated?
Well, I was born in Cincinnati...
the eldest daughter of a poor
but honest freelance upholsterer.
- Mrs. Hogan...
- Oh, call me Naomi.
All right. Naomi.
I wanted to know more about your
experience as a housekeeper.
Yes. I was afraid you would.
Why?
Because lately my experience
has been lousy.
Due to a clash of personalities...
I have lost five jobs
in the past four weeks.
Clash of personalities over what?
My general incompetence...
my inedible cooking...
and my nervous habit of breaking
whatever I touch.
Well, you have one obvious virtue.
- What's that?
- You're honest.
Oh, I'm also desperate.
See, I'm sending my son
through medical school...
and if I don't get a job...
I won't be able to meet the deadline
on next semester's tuition.
I'll clean, I'll scrub, I'll slave...
and I'll also sign a note
at 10-percent interest...
for everything I break.
- Naomi.
- Yes, ma'am.
- You're hired.
- You're kidding.
So the drunk says to the gorilla,
"Lady, don't brush me off...
just because
you're wearing a mink coat."
Why aren't you laughing, Louise?
Dear, I've heard that joke
at least 50 times.
And what's your excuse, Sam?
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Larry.
She was busy worrying
about our new maid.
And I don't blame her.
We really should've postponed this
till next week.
You don't have company
the night you have a new maid.
- You give her time to get adjusted.
- Ridiculous.
If she came from the same agency
that sent Esmeralda...
she's a seasoned veteran.
Samantha, why not go out
and see how she's doing.
I know you're dying to.
Yes, I think I will. Excuse me.
How you doing?
Oh, dear, I'm sorry.
That's all right. It was my fault.
I startled you.
Well, back to the old lettuce bin.
Have you followed my recipe
for Parisian consomm??
I tried to, but consomm?
isn't exactly my long suit.
I see what you mean.
- Have you tasted it yet?
- No. Not yet.
Maybe I'd better.
In your condition,
it might not be safe.
No. It just needs a little stirring.
See?
That's terrific.
Thank you.
- I mean, congratulations.
- How about that.
I made Parisian consomm?.
Let's see how well
you did with the roast.
Is it too well-done?
No. No, not really.
You're just saying that to be nice.
It looks like a king-size prune.
It just needs a little basting.
What a baste.
Mrs. Stephens, that's the best roast
I ever executed.
Well, it looks like dinner is all ready.
I'll seat the guests
and you serve the consomm?.
Yes, ma'am.
And, Naomi, keep up the good work.
Yes, ma'am.
Superb.
I may not know anything about
cooking, but I know about eating.
And this entire meal was magnificent.
- Amen.
- Thank you.
You mean, thank Naomi.
Yes, thank Naomi.
- Morning, Naomi.
- Good morning.
Why are you here
on your day off?
I'm waiting for you to approve
my estimate...
on what I cost you in breakage.
Five, 7, 9, 13, 19, 25, 8, 12, 21, 27.
Fourteen dollars and 75 cents.
I figure 5 bucks
for cups and saucers...
$4 for ashtrays,
2.50 for plates.
Naomi, we're insured.
And even if we weren't, your son
needs that money more than we do.
Mrs. Stephens, you're the kindest lady
I ever worked for.
- And the best homemaker.
- Really?
I can't explain it, but with you around
to give me handy hints...
I can do things
that I could never do before.
- Want me to fix breakfast?
- No.
No, you run along
and have a nice day.
- Know what working for you is like?
- What?
It's like all of a sudden,
I found my good fairy.
- Good morning, Naomi.
- Good morning.
- Today's your day off.
- Yes.
- I'm leaving as soon as I get my purse.
- Well, have a good day.
- Hello.
- Darrin, Louise.
In trouble.
Esmeralda was called out of town
because of illness in her family...
and tonight I'm having a formal
dinner party for eight people...
including that big-shot new client,
What's-His-Name.
Right. H.J. Simpson.
Well, we know it's an imposition,
but Larry and I wondered...
would you mind lending us
Naomi for this evening?
To cook that same wonderful meal
we had with you.
We'd be happy to pay her $15.
- Just a second. Naomi.
- Yes, sir.
Would you like to earn
an extra $15?
Oh, I'd love to.
My son, the medical student...
has to get a new pair
of white shoes.
Mrs. Tate needs help with a party.
What time do you want her there?
- Oh, about 5:00.
- Okay. Five o'clock.
- That's the address.
- Thanks a million.
I'll go get a uniform.
It's all set, Louise.
We're not putting you out, are we?
We really appreciate it.
Don't mention it.
It's Naomi's day off, so it won't
make any difference to Samantha.
That's okay.
Have a nice party.
- Do you still remember how to cook?
- I hope so.
So do I.
Naomi sets a very high standard.
I may be very hard to please.
- Who called?
- Louise Tate.
- About what?
- Oh, Esmeralda had to leave town...
so she hired Naomi to pinch-hit on
a formal dinner party for eight.
May I have my coffee, please, honey?
Naomi!
Naomi! Naomi?
She's gone!
- What's the matter?
- Louise has to cancel that party.
- She can't.
- Why?
- It's in honour of a client.
- Then she has to invite us.
- Why?
- Because...
if I'm not there to give Naomi
some handy hints...
the evening is going to be a fiasco.
Sam, will you please tell me
what you're talking about?
- Do I have to?
- Yes.
Well, it's a long story.
And I have a feeling you're gonna
hate every word of it.
Looks great, Darrin.
Thank you, Larry.
Larry, I've got a great idea.
Why don't you and Louise and
Samantha and I have dinner tonight.
Sam must've told you
Louise borrowed Naomi.
- We're having guests for dinner.
- Oh, that's a pity.
I was looking forward
to seeing both of you.
- Why?
- Just felt like it.
Well, maybe we'll go for a drive.
Darrin, I'm kind of busy.
Maybe we'll drive through
your neighbourhood and drop in.
- What for?
- A bite to eat?
Darrin, I've already told you.
We're having dinner guests.
Larry, it's just as easy to cook
for 10 people as it is for eight.
I don't get it.
Why are you hinting around
to be invited to dinner?
Well, we're very fond of Louise,
and we don't see enough of her.
You saw her Friday night.
Yes, and she was so charming,
we'd like to see her again.
Okay. Why don't you come over
to dinner a week from Sunday.
We're busy.
Why don't we come tonight.
Darrin, tonight is business.
I'm wining and dining
old man Simpson...
and his son, old man Simpson Jr.
I know, and maybe he'd like to meet
some other members of your staff.
The only member of my staff
he's interested in...
is the man assigned
to his account, Bob Chetley.
Why don't Bob and I
change accounts?
I'll take the Simpson account,
and he can take...
- I finally understand.
- You finally understand what?
- You're jealous of Chetley.
- I'm not...
Because I gave
the Simpson account to him.
- Larry, that's not true.
- I think it is.
Look, may we come to dinner or not?
You know, with a little work
you could overcome...
this terrible shyness of yours.
- Yes or no?
- No.
Don't beat around the bush.
Give me an answer.
Get out of here, Darrin.
Honey, I'll bet you a thousand dollars
this doesn't work.
Darrin, don't be pessimistic.
You never know if something
doesn't work until you try it.
All right.
Well, good evening. Welcome to...
- I don't believe it.
- Good evening, Larry.
Here's the book I borrowed
last Christmas.
Thank you.
Do you always get this dressed up
to return books?
- No...
- Not always. Just occasionally.
As an expectant mother, I felt
a craving for a formal dinner party.
Samantha, I admire you.
You do?
I like a wife interested
in her husband's career...
but don't push him too fast.
Darrin will be vice president
when the time comes...
and not a moment before.
Good night.
Well.
- Come on.
- Where are we going?
Home. If Larry thinks we're
bucking for a vice-presidency...
we're gonna stop trying to help him
and let him drown in his own fiasco.
What time is it?
Eight o'clock.
The Tate's kitchen must be
a disaster area by now.
Good.
- How's your pizza?
- Fine.
- How's yours?
- Delicious.
The sweet pizza of revenge.
I...
I forgot the napkins.
- Naomi.
- Yes.
If I didn't know how well
things turn out...
this mess would make me
very nervous.
Well, I'm not used to flying solo.
Somehow I feel much more confident
when Mrs. Stephens is around.
Isn't this Parisian consomm?
a little thick?
No. You just have to stir it.
When Mrs. Stephens stirred it, it...
There.
Very good.
- What took you so long, honey?
- I put the coffee on.
On second thought,
I think I'd rather have tea.
Naomi.
You burned it.
It looks like a king-size prune.
Well, it just needs to be basted.
Oh, it's hopeless.
Mrs. Tate.
Yes?
What happened?
You see? The secret's in the basting.
Where have you been?
As if I didn't know.
Darrin, I just can't stand by idle.
Oh, yes, you can. Larry Tate's
getting exactly what he deserves.
But Louise isn't.
You're not a woman,
so you don't understand.
One fiasco dinner party
can open wounds...
that may never heal!
It's worse than wearing slacks...
when everybody else
is wearing dresses.
- Darrin, please.
- Please, what?
Let me go back and help Naomi.
I promise I'll never use
witchcraft again.
You will?
Well, I'll promise to try and taper off.
Oh, I've got to get back before
something drastic happens.
Just because I'm having
a beef with Larry...
is no reason to take it out
on Louise.
Well, thank you.
I've got to go make dessert.
Swell. I suppose you've got
a great dessert planned.
Cherries Jubilee.
Boy, I should get that lucky.
You just have.
Well, back to Naomi.
Good. Everything's ready to serve.
You see, I told you you didn't
need Mrs. Stephens around.
I guess not.
I've got a very funny feeling, though.
It's as if someone's watching over me.
Nonsense. You're a marvellous cook.
As I said,
somebody up there likes me.
Honey, this is the worst breakfast
I've ever eaten.
I let Naomi cook it herself.
In line with my new policy
of trying to give up witchcraft.
- When are you gonna fire her?
- Soon.
When is soon?
As soon as her son graduates
from medical school.
- Honey, that's...
- Mr. And Mrs. Stephens.
I have something to tell you.
You're the most wonderful people
I've ever worked for...
- so therefore, I'm quitting.
- You are?
You are?
You deserve the absolute tops
in domestic help.
And let's face it,
I am not the absolute tops.
Sooner or later you'd fire me...
so I'd like to quit now
before the baby comes...
because even though
I wouldn't do right by it...
I know I'd fall in love with it,
and I couldn't bear to leave it.
So it'll work better all around
if I leave now.
Oh, here's an estimate
of my breakage.
Now, Naomi, you put that away.
I told you we were insured.
Oh, this is what I broke
at Mrs. Tate's.
Three, 9, 10, carry 1.
Eight, 11, 15, carry 1.
Seventeen dollars and 50 cents.
Well.
Naomi, will you wait for me
in the kitchen, please?
Yes, ma'am.
Darrin, did you hear how she
added these figures?
- She's a good adder.
- Think you could...
get her a job in
your accounting department?
I bet I could.
That would kill three birds
with one stone.
- How three?
- One...
it's a good job that she could keep.
Two, she'd be making a bigger salary
and can send more money to her son.
And three, I could go back
to not having a maid.
Honey, do you really
not want to have a maid?
More than anything I've ever
not wanted in my life.
- Will you look into it this morning?
- I'll look into it this morning.
Naomi.
Mr. Stephens has just had
a brilliant suggestion.