Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 2, Episode 11 - Aunt Clara's Old Flame - full transcript

I know she's a bit vague, but she's
never really done anybody any harm.

You sit down and listen to me.

Last week, she insisted on coming
to London with Bertha and me.

Halfway there,
she started to lose altitude.

- That's terrible.
- Oh, you don't know the half of it!

We had to piggyback her
the rest of the way!

Poor Aunt Clara.

Yes, and right in the middle
of the convention...

she waltzes in with a huge doorknob
she acquired for her collection.

- That's bad?
- She'd taken it...

from Buckingham Palace!



That's bad.

One more time.

Abner! Abner!

Aunt Clara! What's the matter?
You look upset.

Samantha, I've come to hide out.

Hide out? Why?

Hedley Partridge is back in town.

Who is he, Aunt Clara?

Well...

we were close friends.

More than friends.

He was my best beau.

- Aunt Clara, you mean...?
- Yes.

Oh, yes, I've had my moments.



One or two.

I'll just bet you did.

Hedley Partridge.
Now I remember him!

Well, I don't see how anyone
could forget Hedley.

All I remember is that he was always
chasing the girls.

Well, he couldn't help
from being popular.

I still don't understand
why you don't want to see him.

Oh, well...

- Endora.
- What?

Haven't you a house to haunt
or something?

All right. All right, Clara.

I'll go.

I think I can skip all the gruesome
details of your fly-by-night romance.

I know she's your mother, dear,
but she can be trying.

And she insists that
I'm in my dotage.

She worries about you, Aunt Clara.

Now tell me, why are you hiding
from Mr. Partridge?

Well, I wouldn't admit it
to anyone else...

but some of my spells
don't quite work anymore.

- Really? Well, that's hard to believe.
- Oh, it's true. It's true.

Well, everybody has their off days.

Well, what's that got to do
with Mr. Partridge?

He knew me in my prime.

And you're not anxious
to renew the acquaintance.

I wanted him to remember me
as I was.

I understand, Aunt Clara.
You can stay here as long as you like.

Thank you, Samantha. Thank you.

You have a kind
and understanding heart.

Abner, I'm telling you,
I saw it with my own eyes.

A funny, little old...

Will you stop playing that flute
and listen to me?!

I've listened. Twelve times already.

She walked right into the wall
and bounced off again!

So any reasonable person would
figure it was an accident, right?

But what did you think, Gladys?

An accident the first time.

Then she did it again.

Bang, right into the wall
and bounced off again.

And I thought:

"Why would anyone wanna
bang against a wall?"

Simple. It feels so good
when you stop.

The next time
she went right through the wall!

- Well, that makes sense.
- What?

There's no point in banging your head
against a brick wall.

I'm beginning to realize that, Abner.

I'm beginning to realize that.

Two visits in one day.
What have I done to deserve this?

Well, it's all set.

Mother has taken care
of everything.

Hedley Partridge is coming
to dinner tonight.

- Mother, you didn't!
- Well, don't you see?

This could be the solution
of our problem.

Aunt Clara needs someone
to look after her...

and Hedley seems to be
the perfect candidate.

Aunt Clara and Hedley Partridge,
married?

Well, if they want to be
stuffy about it, yes.

This could be the romance
of the century.

Sort of the Romeo and Juliet
of the tired-blood set.

But Aunt Clara doesn't
want to see him.

She's embarrassed about her spells
not working anymore.

That's the most ridiculous
thing I've heard.

Well, that may be,
but that's the way she feels.

- I think we should respect her feelings.
- Well, Samantha...

I can't do everything.

I've done my part.
The rest is up to you.

Now, really, Mother, I...

Mother!

No, no, I can't see him.

I have to leave.

Aunt Clara, he'll just follow you.

No, no, I'll just...

Well...

Everyone into the bag!

Can't rely on them anymore.

Well, you can rely on me. Aunt Clara,
have I ever let you down?

- No, you never have.
- All right, just trust me.

Believe me, Mr. Partridge won't find
out anything you don't want him to.

- Enter, dear lady.
- Oh, thank you.

- Who are you?
- I'm Hedley Partridge.

Your mother has told me
all about you.

She has?

And I want you to know
that I'm on your side.

- You are?
- As long as you love him...

who cares if he's mortal?

I'm a little confused.

You mean, about my coming here.
Well, I don't blame you.

You see, I was so anxious to see
Clara again that I arrived early.

And I found all the doors and windows
locked, and no one was about...

so I took the liberty
of making myself at home.

If the doors and windows were locked,
how'd you get inside?

Through the wall, of course.

- You're joking, of course.
- Well, of course not.

Well, you needn't look so surprised.

I may have a lot of grey hairs,
but I'm still in my prime.

Once a warlock, always a warlock.

My powers are still
as good as ever.

- I can see you don't believe me.
- Well...

Well, I'll show you.

- Did you ever see dancing flowers?
- No.

Watch very carefully.

There, you see?

Well, your wife seems
a little highly strung.

That's not my wife.

Congratulations.

My name is Hedley Partridge.
You must be Donald.

- Darrin.
- Well, Endora said it was Donald.

I know. But it really is Darrin.

- Is it Darrin?
- Yes. Darrin.

- How are you, Darrin?
- Fine. How are you, Mr. Partridge?

Aunt Clara and Samantha
should be here in a minute.

- Can I fix you a drink?
- Oh, I'd like that. Yes, yes.

Which...? Oh, thank you.

I'm certainly anxious to see Clara.

Has she changed much?

Well...

Well, of course, you wouldn't know.
You're a little young.

There was something
different about her.

She always had a very
special effect upon people.

Well, she hasn't changed
in that respect.

Endora talked an awful lot
about you.

- Oh, she did, huh?
- But don't worry, young man.

I didn't believe a word of it.

Well, good.

- Soda?
- Just tickle it, yes.

"Warlock:

Sorcerer, wizard."

Abner. There's a wizard
at the Stephens' house.

It's good for the lawn.
It eats the mosquitoes.

Not a lizard, a wizard.

Wizard, lizard,
as long as it eats the mosquitoes.

Here they are now.

- How do I look? Is my tie all right?
- Oh, of course.

Hi, darling. I'm terribly sorry we're late,
but I just...

Sam...

this is Mr. Partridge.

Hello, Clara.

Hello, Hedley.

Clara, you haven't changed a bit.

- Oh, Hedley.
- No, no, I mean it. I mean it.

You're just as beautiful as ever.

Oh, now, you didn't have
to say that, you know.

- Did I ever lie to you?
- Constantly.

But I still like it.

And you must be Samantha.

Well, good looks
obviously runs in the family.

Well, thank you, Mr. Partridge.

Now, Aunt Clara...

why don't you and Mr. Partridge
sit down and get reacquainted.

I'll get dinner ready.
It'll only take a second.

Darrin. Darrin.

Just give a shout
if anybody needs my help.

What for?

Okay. Sure, sure.

- How have you been, dear?
- Oh, fine. Just fine.

Oh, that's good. Good.

- And you?
- Oh, wonderful, wonderful.

My powers are as good as ever.

Watch.

How about that?

Oh, remarkable. Remarkable.

Of course, witchcraft is a gift,
you know.

But you've got to keep practicing at it.
If you don't, your spells get sloppy.

And when that happens, believe me,
you know you're getting old.

- Isn't that right, Clara?
- Oh, yes. Well...

Well, it does happen.

- It happens to all of us.
- Yes, yes. I know, I know.

Speaking about that, do you
remember Seranda Ethrington?

Oh, very well.

You always said she had
such pretty hair.

Well, I only said that
to make you jealous, that's all.

However, I think she's bald now.

Oh, good.

Oh, you don't say so.

Do you know what I heard?

I heard that she can't even walk
through a wall anymore.

Poor dear.

Yeah, practically knocked herself
senseless every time she tried it.

It got so bad that her daughter had
to put her in the old witches' home.

- Pathetic case.
- Oh, it certainly is.

Imagine. Can't even walk
through a wall, I mean...

But that will never happen to us,
will it, dear, huh?

- Not to the golden couple.
- That's right.

That's what they used to call us
when we were younger, you know.

- The golden couple
- Well, here's your drink.

Oh, thank you, thank you. You know
what Endora told me about you?

- No.
- She said you were still...

- the fastest witch in the West.
- Oh, no.

- Do you mind if I smoke a cigar?
- Oh, certainly not.

- I'll get you one.
- Oh, no, no. I'll get one.

- Have you got a light, Clara?
- I've got one right here.

No, no. This is something
Clara used to do for me.

Do you remember, Clara?

Well, now, how about it?
Will you, for old times' sake?

Well, I'll try.

- I'll try.
- "Try," she said.

Wait till you see this, young man.

Oh, Sam!

By George, Endora was right!
You are still amazing.

Dinner will be ready in a minute.

- Would you like an ashtray?
- An ashtray?

- I'll get it, Aunt Clara.
- No, no.

I can send it over myself.

Oh, I did it! I made a comeback.
I made a comeback!

I thought you might like to nibble
on these before dinner.

Thank you.

Do you want another ashtray?

No, no. One is sufficient, thank you.

Are you sure? Because there's
no trouble to send over another one.

Now, Aunt Clara, you know how Darrin
feels about witchcraft in this house.

Now you two sit here
and talk about old times.

Darrin?

Would you like to help me?

Sure. Sure, honey.

- Will you have an hors d'oeuvre?
- Love it.

Everything seems to be going
awfully well, doesn't it?

Maybe you should've told Aunt Clara
you were doing her spells.

Oh, her pride would never let her
agree to it.

Don't worry, darling.
Everything's under control.

Good, huh?

Oh, easy.

You remember, Clara...

how we used to turn ourselves
into nightingales...

- and serenade the young lovers?
- Oh, yes.

Oh, yes!

That was the first nightingale that was
ever heard in Berkeley Square.

Yeah, that's right.

- Those were the good old days, huh?
- Oh, yes, they were.

- Well, why don't we do it again?
- Oh, no, no. I don't think so, dear.

- No.
- Oh, yes.

No, no. I don't think so.

But we have 15 minutes
before dinner.

I know, Clara. But that was
a long time ago, and I...

- No.
- But I remember the spell perfectly.

- Now, are you game?
- Well, yes.

- You know me. I'm game for anything.
- Oh, good. Right.

Well, now, let's see...

Aunt Clara, Sam said if you'd like...

- What's that?
- Hedley.

- Everything went wrong.
- Sam. Sam!

Aunt Clara, what did you do?

Why, I don't understand.
I thought it had all come back to me.

Aunt Clara, Sam was helping you
with your spells.

Helping me? You mean...

- the witchcraft didn't come back?
- I'm sorry, Aunt Clara.

Now, you just sit down
and try to relax.

I'll see if I can get everything
back to normal.

I can't sit down.
I have nothing to sit down on.

Don't panic. Just try
and remember the right spell.

Oh, I'll never be able to look Hedley
in the face again.

Never.

Never.

We knocked, but I guess...

Abner, see?

I suppose you folks are wondering
why we have an elephant...

here in our living room.

Well, the thought had crossed
my mind.

Well, you see, I'm doing a campaign
for men's swimsuits.

- Swimsuits?
- Trunks, trunks.

Yes, and he's using him
as a model.

- A model?
- Yes.

For the trademark:

"You'll never forget our trunks."

Abner, there's the wall woman.

- Gladys, we never met the lady.
- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Aunt Clara, this is
Mr. And Mrs. Kravitz.

Well, how do you do?

- That's it! That's it!
- I beg your pardon?

Aunt Clara is a linguist.

That means "bless your face"
in Malayan.

- Thank you, Aunt Clara.
- Don't do it in here.

I never could look Hedley
in the face again.

Don't worry.
I'll take him in the kitchen.

Where is the wiz...

- the gentleman I met earlier
this evening?

He's in the kitchen.

Now just relax, Mr. Partridge.

Now that I know the spell,
I can reverse it.

Thank goodness.

Clara sure made a mess
of that one, didn't she, huh?

You know, Endora lied to me
about her.

Mr. Partridge, please,
it was really all my fault.

No, I don't care what you say, I'm
gonna have a talk with that young lady.

Oh, dear.

That's the wizard!

- Mr. Partridge, Mr. And Mrs. Kravitz.
- How do you do?

Clara, may I speak with you
a moment?

- No, no, I have to go.
- No, Clara, please...

Oh, dear. Did you hurt yourself?

- Are you all right?
- I'm all... I'm fine. I'm fine.

Remember Seranda Ethrington, dear.
You mustn't do those things.

Aunt Clara's rather nearsighted.

Yes, I told you, Aunt Clara.
You really should wear your glasses.

- Yes.
- See, I told you.

There's a logical explanation
for everything.

I suppose there's also a logical
explanation for dancing flowers.

Oh, Gladys, will you stop?

Mr. Partridge...

did you make those flowers
dance or not?

- Yes, I did.
- See, he admits it!

Now, I suppose you have
a logical explanation for that, Abner.

I think he might
if he examined the flowers.

- These flowers are rigged.
- Rigged?

Yeah. The flowers have a wire
attached to them.

You just pull this wire,
and they dance.

- Is that how you did it, Mr. Partridge?
- Yes, that's right.

I take it you're some kind
of a magician.

I used to be.

Well, we'd better be going.
Come on, Gladys.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Now, you said you got into the house
by walking through the wall.

Now, is that true?

No, that's not true. No.

The kitchen window was open,
and I climbed in.

Pathetic, isn't it?

It certainly is.

You have a weird sense of humour.

Come on, Gladys.

Darrin...

I need some help in the kitchen...

- with the turnips.
- What help do turnips need?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Hedley...

- you too?
- That's right. Yeah.

I haven't performed real witchcraft
for years, dear.

I can't even do
the little things anymore.

Neither can I.

Samantha did all
the other things earlier.

- Yes.
- So you and I...

are paddling
the same canoe, huh?

Oh, it's not so bad
when you get used to it.

Oh, I know. I don't mind, really.
Not really.

You know, you can't fight old age.

But when Endora told me
that you hadn't aged at all...

well, I'm afraid my pride
got the better of me.

- Oh, no.
- You understand that, huh?

I understand.

Hedley, I...

I'm sorry I turned you
into an elephant and all that.

Oh, that's all right.
Don't worry about it.

- It happens to the best of us.
- Oh, well, yes. I suppose.

Let's you and I have
another sip, huh?

Oh, yes.

I'm so glad everything went
so well for Aunt Clara.

Do I detect a matchmaking gleam
in your eye?

Oh, no, of course not.

But it would be nice...

- What's the matter?
- Orange blossoms.

The whole house smells
of orange blossoms.

- Sam!
- I've had nothing to do with it.

You know, it was so nice
to see Hedley again.

It's a pity he had to leave
town tonight.

He told me he had to make
some calls in other cities.

Yes. Yes. He's in
the magic-supply business.

Isn't that nice?

Of course, I mean,
it isn't witchcraft...

but at least it's an allied line.

You sure you're not really sorry
to see him go?

Well, he's going to take me
dancing next week.

- Really?
- Oh, yes.

And...

And he left me something
to remember him by.

A doorknob.

Oh, Aunt Clara, it's lovely!

- Lovely.
- Oh, yes.

Oh, it's much better than
an engagement ring.