Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 1, Episode 29 - Abner Kadabra - full transcript

Try switching them around.

A little further to the left now.

Sam, I've gotta go to work.
Of all the time to hang pictures.

Only take a minute.
We've been putting it off.

We have to get it done sometime.

Move the left one. Up, up.

- Up, Darrin. Up, up, Darrin.
- Do I get a biscuit?

That looks terrible. Nothing works.

I do and I have to be there at 9:00.

- But when are we gonna do this?
- When I get home.

That's what you always say.
I'm tired of looking at a blank wall.



- Don't worry. You'll think of something.
- Sure.

- There's always one thing we can do.
- What?

Move.

I'll see you tonight.

- Good morning, Mrs. Kravitz.
- Good morning.

Is Mrs. Stephens home?
I'd like to return this.

She's inside arranging some pictures.
Maybe you can help.

Oh, I'd be glad to.
I'm very good at that.

I'm glad somebody is. See you later.

You moved the pictures.

Now, Mrs. Kravitz.

This time I saw you do it. I saw it.
I caught you red-handed.

- I was just hanging pictures.
- From 10 feet away?

All along I've said there were crazy
things going on in this house.



People appearing and disappearing
and furniture moving around.

It must be your imagination.

I have no imagination.

I'm telling you, Mrs. Kravitz,
there's nothing going on.

I say that there is
and so does Mrs. Grunbacher.

- Mrs. Grunbacher?
- Yes.

I told her all about you,
and she believes me.

- She's got a theory.
- She does?

Yes, and now
I happen to believe her.

- You do?
- We don't think you're one of us.

- You don't?
- You're from Venus, aren't you?

- Venus?
- Don't touch me.

Mrs. Kravitz,
this has gone far enough.

There is absolutely no truth
in what you're saying.

Mrs. Grunbacher's the biggest gossip
in the neighbourhood.

How can you believe
such nonsense? Venus.

All right, all right.
Maybe you're not from Venus.

But I saw what you did
with my own eyes.

And whatever or whoever you are,
we'll find out.

- What do you mean?
- She has a friend at the university.

He knows about
these supernatural things.

- We'll see what he thinks.
- Mrs. Kravitz.

Wait. I've got something to tell you.

It is Venus, isn't it?

Remember, we want peace.
We're a peace-loving world.

- Now, we've had problems...
- Will you please listen to me?

What you just saw, well...

Maybe those pictures
did move by themselves.

She's unlocking the secrets
of the universe.

You probably won't believe this...

Of all the ears in the world...

mine have been chosen
to hear the secrets of life.

Talk, talk, talk.

If those pictures did move...

did it ever occur to you
that you might have moved them?

- Me?
- Every time these strange things...

supposedly happen, and you insist
they do, you've been watching, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe you were doing more
than just watching.

What are you talking about?

Maybe you were doing those things.

Now, I'm not sure...

but it might have something to do
with extrasensory perception.

They've been doing
a lot of studying about ESP.

People moving objects,
predicting the future.

Mrs. Kravitz, I think you've got it.

When I was hanging those pictures,
you were thinking about them, right?

Yes.

Mind over matter.

Thought waves can work wonders.

Especially from an intelligent,
fertile mind like yours.

You... You mean
I moved the pictures?

Oh, I couldn't have done it.
I couldn't have.

Well, there's one way to prove
if you've got the power.

How, how, how?

I saw it on a television show once.

Now, you close your eyes
and concentrate...

and I'm going to write a number
on this piece of paper.

And then you tell me what it is.

Thirty-seven?

I did it! I did it!

I can't believe it.
All the time it was me.

Oh, I just can't believe it.
What am I gonna do?

Wait until Mrs. Grunbacher
hears about this.

Oh, I wouldn't discuss this
with Mrs. Grunbacher...

or anyone else, at least for a while.

- What's the matter?
- Abner, he needs me.

Abner, Abner, I'm coming.

Mrs. Kravitz. Mrs...

Abner, Abner, I'm here, I felt it.
You want me, you want me.

- Why would I want you?
- You're all right?

- There's nothing wrong?
- I'm fine.

Thank goodness.

- You been eating those radishes again?
- A wonderful thing has happened.

Guess what I've got.

Heartburn.

Abner, I've got the power.

Take lemon juice and hot water.
That'll knock it out.

- It's nothing to joke about.
- All right.

Until you get over it,
I'll sleep in the den.

Do the initials ESP
mean anything to you?

ESP?

ESP?

Oh, now I get all this funny business.
Esther Perlman's coming, right?

- Extrasensory perception. I've got it.
- What?

Mind over matter. Predicting the future
or talking to the spirits.

Who knows what I can do?

Where did you get this crazy idea?

I was over at the Stephens' house.

Now, I know it's hard to believe, Abner,
but I moved the pictures on their wall...

without even touching them.

You moved their pictures?

Over here I'd be glad
if you just dusted the pictures.

You don't believe me, do you?

When is this all gonna stop? When?
When am I gonna have peace?

The last time it was yoga.
Before that it was karate.

Remember this:

To protect yourself
at night from strangers.

To tell the truth, I wish you'd go out
some night and meet a stranger.

All right, Mr. Smarty-Pants,
we'll see who's got ESP.

Now, you write down a number
on a piece of paper...

and I'll tell you what it is.

Write down a number?

Gladys, I got better things to do
than to play games.

What? You're retired.
Go ahead, any number.

- Gladys.
- Write it.

Got one life,
and I have to live it with her.

Don't let me see it.

I see numbers, numbers.

The number is seven.

Wrong, it's one. Go make lunch.

- It's seven. See that little thing there?
- That's a one. That is a one.

You made a seven,
and you don't even know it.

You're nuts,
and you don't even know it.

I made a one.
That's how I make a one.

- It's seven.
- One.

- Seven.
- One.

Seven. Why won't you admit
you were thinking a seven?

All right. It's a seven.

You see, I've got the power.
I can do anything.

- You can do anything?
- Yes.

Good. Disappear.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Kravitz.

Hi, Mrs...

Mrs. Kravitz?

Is something the matter,
Mrs. Kravitz?

Water.

Don't go near her, she's crazy.

She's trying to turn on the sprinklers.
Give me the key.

You don't need the key.
You're forgetting my powers.

I can will the sprinklers on.
Sprinklers on.

What's happening?

The lawn is dying,
that's what's happening.

Three hundred dollars worth
of landscaping. Give me the key.

Mr. Kravitz.

Water.

- Water.
- Does she get like this often?

I've never seen her this bad.
She thinks she's got special powers.

Turning on the sprinklers,
guessing numbers, moving pictures.

Where'd she get an idea like that?

- From your wife, I think.
- Water.

Mrs. Kravitz?

Mrs. Kravitz,
what did my wife tell you?

Everything. If it wasn't for her...

I wouldn't know
the secrets of the universe.

She gave me the power.

I don't believe it.

Water, water.

You see? I did it.
I got the power, I did it.

You did what? That's from the sky,
dum-dum, not the sprinklers.

Close enough. I've got the power!

Samantha!

- What's the matter?
- "What's the matter?"

You see what's going on out there?

She's raving like a maniac.
What did you do to her?

- Well...
- Come on, Sam, do something.

You gotta stop her.

Don't worry, darling,
it's not that serious.

Not that serious. Look at her.
She thinks she's the rainmaker.

- Did you talk to her?
- Yes.

- She thinks she still has the power.
- What's she doing out there?

- She's trying to turn off the rain.
- Trying to turn off the rain?

Abner insulted her.
He wouldn't believe she turned it on...

so now she's gonna show him
and turn it off.

Rain, go away.

Look at that woman.

She's standing there stiff as a board.

She looks like a lawn statue.

She promised me
she was coming right in.

Oh, she's gonna get pneumonia.

- Maybe I'd better turn it off.
- Are you kidding?

Gladys will think she did it,
tomorrow she'll try for an eclipse.

You really did it this time, Sam.

Now, it isn't all my fault.

If you would have helped me,
she wouldn't have caught me.

If you hadn't twitched your nose,
she wouldn't have caught you either.

Oh, good. Here comes Mr. Kravitz.

He's trying to drag her in.

- Is he using a rope?
- No.

Mr. Henderson's got the rope.
They got her.

Sam, tomorrow morning
you go over there...

and knock this crazy idea
out of her head.

All right.

But it's not gonna be easy.

It just stopped raining.

Stove on.

Stove on.

- Stove on.
- Gladys.

It's coming.

Stove on.

Gladys, it is now 9:30.
We have been out here for two hours.

I want my breakfast.

- I command you to stand back.
- Did I hear right?

Did I hear right? If my ears are lying,
I should cut their tongues out.

Back.

I heard right. I'm getting a doctor.

- I don't need a doctor.
- Then I'm getting a cook.

- Good morning.
- Oh, good morning.

Good morning.
Come on in and have some breakfast.

If you like your pancakes rare,
you're in luck.

- Stove broken?
- Her head is broken.

- It's an experiment in psychokinetics.
- Listen to the big reader.

Mind over matter to the layman.

- Is it working?
- Not yet.

Well, I'm not surprised.
I did some reading after we talked.

This power isn't the kind of thing
you can control, Mrs. Kravitz.

But the book said concentration
is important.

- If you still have the power.
- But I do, don't I?

I guess not. Lots of people
have it for a little while...

and then it disappears.
Even scientists don't understand it.

Do they understand
a man has to eat?

When it's gone, it's gone. And
there's nothing you can do about it.

Now, the stove might be too much.
Maybe I should try smaller things.

Start on the toaster.

How about the rain yesterday?
Now, I had the power then, didn't I?

Maybe. But the paper did say
there was a chance of showers.

You could have read that
and been subconsciously influenced.

Listen to the smart girl, Gladys.
Turn on the stove.

You mean I might not have
the power anymore?

- That's right.
- But it could come back.

I doubt it.

Meanwhile, turn on the stove, please.

Go ahead, Gladys, turn on the stove.

I never thought I'd beg
to eat her cooking.

- Here you are, sweetheart.
- Thank you, honey.

Sure you don't want anything else?

No, this is fine.

Oh, by the way, I saw Mr. Kravitz
turning on the sprinklers this morning.

- I guess Gladys kicked the habit.
- I had a little talk and convinced her.

Everything's gonna be just fine.

Well, it's lucky for you that Mrs. Kravitz
is forgetting this nonsense.

I hope you learned a lesson.

- Oh, Mr. Kravitz.
- Hello, Mrs. Stephens.

- What is it?
- She's doing it again.

She's worse than ever.

- Oh, no.
- We're standing in the market...

and she starts yelling
a spirit is telling her we're in danger.

- Spirit?
- Of all days.

The whole neighbourhood was there.
We'll be a tourist attraction.

She really thinks
she talked to a spirit?

I can't stand it anymore.
When is this all gonna end?

Tonight.
We're going to have a s?ance.

- S?ance?
- Sam, that's ridiculous.

Please, Mr. Kravitz, this will cure her.
I know about these things.

- But something might happen.
- If it does, don't worry.

I've been to s?ances before. Sometimes
your mind plays tricks on you.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Kravitz?

Yes. Yes. All right, calm down.

- You better go home.
- What is it?

- She says she's getting vibrations.
- Vibrations?

She's chewing on
the electric blanket again.

Now, what's all this business
about a s?ance?

Don't you understand?

A s?ance will be the answer
to all our problems.

Really? How?

I'm gonna scare the daylights
out of her.

I don't like this, Mrs. Stephens.
To tell you the truth, I'm scared.

It will be all right.

We've been waiting 20 minutes.
Maybe you better go get her.

No need for that. I'm here, my son.

- You look lovely tonight, my dear.
- It's so good of you to come.

Are you ready to start now,
Mrs. Kravitz?

Yes, my child. Let us join hands.

First, we must empty our minds.

Erase everything.

Our minds must be clear.
Think of nothing.

I feel a presence in the room.
Someone in the room.

If you are here,
make your presence known.

- It's here.
- There's nothing here.

That must be somebody
at the front door.

Come in.

- Must be windy out.
- Mr. Kravitz, you're hurting my hand.

Maybe you better stop, Mrs. Kravitz.

Oh, not now.
We must all keep concentrating.

Mr. Kravitz, my hand.

Appear before me, great spirit.
Appear before me.

I'm begging you, Gladys, stop.

He's right, Mrs. Kravitz,
maybe you better stop.

Oh, no, no. No, I'm in control.
I'm in control. Have no fear.

Appear, great spirit.

I'm not looking. I'm not listening.

I'm closing the eyes,
I'm covering the ears.

I see nothing. It's a dream.

Appear, I say. Appear.

Oh, Mrs. Kravitz,
look what you've done.

You better stop before it's too late.

Oh, hi, Uncle Harold.

Abner, it's Uncle Harold. Say hello.

You should not have disturbed me.
I am angry.

You're angry? Some nerve. He didn't
even give us a wedding present.

Meddling in the unknown.
Heed my warning. Stop.

He's right, stop.

Who said that?

That's enough, Gladys.

- Turn on the light.
- Quiet.

I'm gonna turn on the light.
I'm ending this whole thing.

Oh, dry up.

Mrs. Kravitz, what have you done?

I don't know. I just told him to dry...

You did do that, didn't you?

Oh, Abner, forgive me.
Oh, please come back.

Oh, I shouldn't have started all this.
What can I do?

Whatever you do, don't sneeze.

If you swear off this magic forever,
you may get him back.

Oh, I promise I'll never do it again.
I'll never do it again.

Oh, Abner, I love you. Come back.

Oh, I swear, I'll never do it again.
I'll never do it again. Oh, I swear.

I swear. Oh, I swear.

Gladys? What happened to Gladys?

Well, she fainted,
but she'll be all right now.

That's right. I'm sure you'll never
have to worry about Gladys again.

- Oh, I'm gonna get some water.
- Good idea. That will bring her around.

Oh, not for her, for me.
I feel like I'm all dried up.

- You all ready, sweetheart?
- Be ready in a minute, sweetheart.

I'll get the car.

- Hello.
- There he is.

- We just stopped by to return this.
- Well, thanks very much.

Oh, the chicken was delicious.

- I'm getting to be a marvellous cook.
- Good for you.

I say you can do anything
if you put your mind to it.

Stop, we've had enough
with the mind, Gladys.

Yes, I'm sure everyone is glad
that other business is over with.

Oh, I never wanna go through
another s?ance again.

Don't worry, you won't have to.
I'm through with that.

Good. I'm taking Gladys
to the Tivoli tonight.

- There's a good double bill.
- That's nice.

It's more than nice, it's strange.
It's remarkable.

He didn't say a word about it till now,
and I was thinking the same thing.

Good night, Gladys.
Good night, folks.

Oh, Abner, wait, wait.

I have an idea.

Maybe we shouldn't go out tonight.
I can whip up something here.

- Great Scott, it's uncanny.
- What?

I was thinking the exact same thing.
Sam, do you think I have the power?

Yes...

but not that kind.