Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 1, Episode 21 - Ling Ling - full transcript

Well, hello there.
Where'd you come from?

- You hungry?
- I don't think so.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Kravitz.
Looking for your cat?

No, my bird.

Oh, my stars. Well, you don't mean...?

Well, I put Tweety out for her sunbath.
Then I heard this meowing...

and when I went out,
the cage was empty.

- There she is.
- Where?

- There. Don't you see?
- No, I don't see. Where?

There you are, Tweety!
Oh, I'm so glad you're safe.

Oh, Tweety, don't you ever worry
your mommy like that again.



You saw Tweety way up there
on the roof.

- You must have wonderful eyes.
- Thank you.

- I'm glad Tweety's back.
- Oh, so am I.

Oh, Tweety.

Hello? Oh, hi, Wally. How are you?

In trouble, as usual, Samantha.
Has Darrin left yet?

No, no, he hasn't. Just a second,
I'll call him. Darrin...

It's for you. Wally Ames,
he sounds upset.

I'll bet he does. Hello, Wally.
What's that?

Rick Avery called.
He's tired of waiting for Pickering...

to approve a girl for the
Jewel of the East campaign.

He said to tell you
that he's on his way to Paris.

So he's on his way to Paris.

When we find the right girl,
you'll photograph her.



Of course you can do it, Wally.
You're every bit as good as Avery.

The only trick is to find a girl
that Pickering will approve.

- He said to tell you...
- Don't panic, Wally.

I'll be down as soon as I can.
Goodbye.

Here, darling, drink this.
I'll fix the eggs.

Never mind, honey.
I won't have time.

There isn't a girl in this city Pickering
will approve as the Jewel of the East.

- What's he looking for?
- Someone exotic and Eastern...

for the annual institutional layout.
We haven't found the right face.

Well, don't worry. You'll find her,
I know you will.

It better be soon. We're down to the
deadline. I only need her for one day.

- I wish I could help you.
- So do I.

But never mind. I'll see you tonight.

He's very upset, you know.

Say, you're exotic-looking.

And you come from the East.

You may just be the right face.

Cat, how'd you like
to be a cover girl?

The Jewel of the East.

The point is, Wally, you've been
doing Avery's work for years.

He got the reputation.
You've got the talent.

- I wish I could believe that.
- I do too...

because it's the truth.
All you need is a chance.

Are you willing to give Wally a shot
at the Pickering campaign?

What makes you think
there'll be a campaign?

- All we need's the right model.
- How many have we shown him?

- Twenty, 25.
- All great-looking girls...

- and he hasn't okayed one, right?
- Right.

Suppose the impossible happened
and the right girl did walk in.

Would we have time
to make the next issue?

Sure, if she walked in
right this minute.

- Yes.
- There's a young lady to see you.

- Not now.
- I think you'd better see this one.

Okay. Send her in.

- Cheer up, Larry. This may be the one.
- Dreamer.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

My name is Ling-Ling.

A friend suggested
I might serve your needs...

as the girl for
the Jewel of the East campaign.

I haven't much experience,
but I'm very adaptable and agile.

Would you be interested in me?

What's the trouble?

Cat got your tongue?

I don't know about the others,
but I think you'd be perfect.

- She is perfect.
- Sensational.

- Gentlemen, I think we're in business.
- I think you're right.

Wally, I want you to take a shot
of Miss Ling-Ling. A headshot.

Larry, why don't you see Pickering,
get him all steamed up.

- I'll wait for the picture and meet you.
- Good thinking, Darrin.

If he doesn't go for this,
he doesn't deserve a campaign.

In fact, don't wait
for Pickering's okay.

Shoot the campaign
like we planned it.

- I've got the assignment?
- Has he, Larry?

- What's he waiting for?
- What are you waiting for?

Yes, what are we waiting for?

Miss Ling-Ling, would you sit up here
in this seat, please...

and just relax, be comfortable.
That's it.

You can drop the coat
anywhere you want.

That's a beautiful necklace.

These lights might get
a little warm after a while.

I'm sorry to have
to rush you this way.

Oh, that's all right.
I'm used to moving swiftly.

When I have to.

You're tilting your head too much.

Would you straighten it up
and look right into the lens, please?

Oh, now you're... Now you're
looking too much the other way.

Just watch the birdie.

- Birdie?
- That's it. Hold it.

Hold it. That's fine.
You can relax now.

- Well, that's it. You were wonderful.
- Thank you.

- Would you like cream in your coffee?
- No coffee. Just cream, please.

You know, I have a hunch
you're gonna be lucky for me.

- Lucky?
- If they sell the Pickering people...

we've got
a great campaign started.

Started? You must have taken
200 pictures of me this afternoon.

Almost.

And I must say, you were wonderful.

- I've never seen such patience.
- It's one of my virtues.

- Congratulations, Miss Ling-Ling.
- You are officially the Jewel of the East.

- May I change now?
- Of course.

Wally, it worked. Pickering was crazy
about that picture you took.

Wait till he sees
what we got this afternoon.

He'll go out of his mind. She's great.

- I agree wholeheartedly.
- So do I.

This calls for a celebration.
At my house.

Why don't you call Louise
and have her meet us at 7.

- It's a date.
- We'll drink...

to the success of the most promising
photographer in town.

Well, thanks to you, Darrin. And that
fabulous girl. She's so self-reliant.

So... So delicate and graceful.

Well, what do you know? I think Wally
found himself a model...

and a new career
in the same afternoon.

- See you at the house.
- You better phone Samantha.

Let her know you're bringing a crowd.

It is awfully short notice.
Maybe I better bow out.

- You'll do nothing of the kind.
- She can handle it?

Gentlemen, my wife
can handle anything.

But I'd better call her, just in case.

I told Abner about your finding Tweety
this morning. You remember?

- Oh, yes, of course.
- By the way, have you seen that cat?

I sent her out on an errand.
She should be back any minute.

It wasn't important. I'll bet Mr. Kravitz
is glad to get Tweety back too.

No, he wasn't. He hates birds.

Say, are you going out
to dinner tonight?

No, I was just going through
the cookbook...

to see if I could find
something different.

I just wondered. Your kitchen
is so uncluttered, and it's after 6.

It doesn't take long.
It's just the two of us.

Well, I'd better get back
to my own kitchen. Bye.

Hello? Oh, hi, darling.

I've got a lot to tell you, all good.

I'm bringing Wally, Larry
and Louise home.

Is that the good news?

No, it's the Pickering account.
I'll tell you when I get there.

How soon will that be?

I'm leaving right now.
Bye, sweetheart.

Oh, well, goodbye, sweetheart.

Cocktails and dinner
for all those people.

Oh, dear.

Darrin, please forgive me, but I'm sure
that you'd consider this an emergency.

First, the hors d'oeuvres.

Splendid.

Now that cream soup
that Darrin's so crazy about.

Now, let's see...

A leg of lamb might be nice.

And maybe a green salad...

with some rolls
and an unpretentious little wine.

Delicious.

Now, I wonder what would
be good for dessert.

I just stopped back to explain
that remark I made about Abner.

He doesn't hate all birds. Just mine.

You know what I think?

You know, I think he's jealous
of the time I spend with her.

- Sardines. Delicious.
- Have another.

Look at all this food.
Where did it come from?

- The market.
- Yeah, but...

I mean, a minute ago,
there was nothing here.

I'm a fast worker.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I knew there was nothing here.

I wish I was a fast worker.

Now, dessert.

Honey, I'm home.

- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi, sweetheart.

- Where are the others?
- Right behind me.

- Is everything all right with the food?
- Just fine.

- Hi, Samantha.
- Samantha.

I bet you're delighted to have us
turn up at the last minute like this.

I'm delighted to see
both of you anytime.

Darrin, she's a gem,
an absolute gem.

If I pulled this on Louise,
she'd kick me out.

And Samantha would probably
be foolish enough to let you in.

- Where's Wally?
- Here I am.

- I brought a friend. I hope it's all right.
- Of course it is.

Come on in. It's all right.

She was a little timid
about imposing, Samantha...

but I told her you wouldn't mind.

Relax, Ling-Ling,
you're among friends.

She does look a little nervous,
doesn't she?

Nervous as a cat.

Actually, we discovered
we have a lot in common.

Ling-Ling doesn't care
much for drinking.

She likes to hunt and fish.

And at night, she...
Oh, thank you.

She's perfectly content
to just curl up around a fire.

Not only that,
but she's really a sweet gal.

- Curious about everything...
- You forgot Ling-Ling.

Oh, I don't want to spoil her dinner.
We'll be going in in a minute.

Well, at least offer her some.

You'd better hurry.
She's starving to death.

- Here you are, Louise.
- Thank you.

Ling-Ling, did Wally tell you
he was a tennis champ at college?

I don't think he mentioned it.

He used it to work his way
through school. Quite a racket...

if you'll excuse the pun.

How about you telling us
your side of the story?

What do you feel
about this lovesick shutterbug?

- I beg your pardon?
- Wally. What do you think of him?

Oh, I like him. He gave me a pretty
collar to wear and took my picture.

A pretty collar? The Jewel of the East,
and she calls it a pretty collar.

I wish Pickering could hear that.

There are spoons for those of you
who wish to use them.

However, if you prefer to drink
your soup in the native manner...

like Ling-Ling, you'll find it
a delicious way to savour the brew.

You sound like a guide.

Lap up your soup, darling,
before it gets cold.

Those two are getting serious.

Did you see how he looked at her
through dinner?

- She's something to look at, isn't she?
- Yes, she certainly is.

I think maybe Ling-Ling and I
ought to have a little girl talk.

Ling-Ling?

You're angry
because I didn't come back.

Oh, you came back, all right.

Now, I know it's just as much
my fault as it is yours.

But I wanted to help my husband.
I had no idea it would go this far.

- Well, it has, and I like it.
- But it's impossible.

- Oh, is it?
- Of course.

Wally's just finding himself...

and you cannot let him
fall in love with you.

You cannot lead him on, promising
things you can never give him.

- Why not?
- Because sooner or later...

you're going to have to go back
to what you really are.

You're gonna wake up
in a little tiny fur coat...

you won't be able to take off.
Then where will you be?

Oh, I know how you feel
about Wally now.

Basically, you're very independent.
You'll get over it.

I don't feel one way
or the other about Wally.

But I do like things the way they are.

I like to be pampered
and made a fuss over.

As long as he does that,
I'll stay with him.

- Now, Ling-Ling, you listen to reason.
- I'm not interested.

You wouldn't be if you spent
your life scrounging around alleys...

searching for scraps.

But all that's over with now.

From now on, it'll be martinis
and sardines all the way.

Ling-Ling, I'm shocked.

Don't be, pet. Where I come from,
it's one big rat race.

Hi there.

- Am I interrupting anything?
- Oh, no, darling.

We're just having a little kit-cat...
Chitchat.

And we're all finished now.
So if you'll excuse me...

She is all girl, isn't she?

- Not exactly.
- There's something different about her.

- You can say that again.
- What's the matter? Don't you like her?

It's not that, Darrin. It's...

Oh, she's just wrong for him.

Wally's crazy about her.

I might as well get this over with.

Ling-Ling is wrong for any man.

What do you mean by that?

- She's a cat.
- Why?

Did she say something
about Louise?

Not that kind of a cat.

A "cat" cat.

Honey, you're not making any sense.

- You're not listening.
- Well, say what you mean.

I said it. Ling-Ling is a cat.

A cat?

A "cat" cat?

Oh, no.

No. No, honey. You didn't take a cat
and turn it into a...

A Siamese cat.

You wanted something exotic
and Eastern for the campaign.

I thought I was doing you a favour.

A favour? You took a cat
and turned it into a girl?

I can't believe that.
Why can't I believe that?

I'm married to a witch.
A witch can do anything.

She took a cat, turned into a girl...

and my friend fell in love with her.
What's so hard to believe?

- Darrin, please.
- Can you change her back?

- Not in front of all those people.
- What are we gonna do?

You're Wally's friend, you tell him.

You're right. I'll have to tell him.

I'll go right out there and tell him.

Tell him what?

Just try and discourage
his feeling for her.

I'll take care of the rest later.

Have a heart. Ling-Ling and I
were making plans for tomorrow.

Wally, this can't wait. It's about her.

- What about her?
- Well, she...

- She's no good.
- What?

You heard me.

- Why would you say a thing like that?
- Because she's...

She's just not right for you.

Let me be the judge of that.
Besides, you hardly know her.

Believe me, I know more about her
than I can say right now.

I don't care about her past.
She's told me about that.

She's been around, but she's
always landed on her feet.

There's more to it.
You don't understand.

Darrin, I've always considered you
a friend, but you're way out of line.

I am your friend. If you only knew
how much of a friend...

I'm trying to be, that...

Wally?

Oh, Ling-Ling, we were
just talking about you.

You will excuse us.

- Ling-Ling? You forgot your drink.
- Oh, thank you.

- What happened?
- What could happen?

He doesn't know she's a cat,
but now he thinks I'm a rat.

Don't you worry.
Everything's gonna be just fine.

- I'll bet.
- I put something in her drink.

- Catnip, I suppose.
- Yes.

- Sam, you didn't.
- I did.

It'll relax her.
She just may tip her paw.

You look lovely in the moonlight.

Ling-Ling, I'm crazy about you.
Everybody else is trying to interfere.

I won't listen. You're the most
wonderful girl in the world.

You're so beautiful
and so graceful. So sweet.

- Are you all right, Ling-Ling?
- Perfect.

Listen, there's something
very important I want to tell you.

Don't drink any more.
I want you to hear what I have to say.

- Give it back.
- What's the matter, Ling-Ling?

- I want it back.
- Ling-Ling.

I want it back.

Sounds like the lovebirds
are having a little spat.

Oh, I hope not.
They were getting along so well.

Does a little nip mean
more to you than I do?

Ling-Ling, I thought
you cared for me.

You may need this.

Don't stray too far.

- Louise, I think we'd better go.
- Larry, wait.

Well, it is getting late.

But Wally's coming in.

- Oh, my, Wally.
- What happened?

Ling-Ling. You were right.

There must be something wrong
with her. I think she's a...

- you know, or something.
- Wally, I'm sorry.

I don't know what came over her.
I just took her drink...

and all of a sudden
she arched her back...

and hissed at me and scratched me.
It was terrible.

- Good heavens.
- That's too bad, but don't worry.

She probably had too much.
Happens in the best of families.

She'll probably call
and apologise tomorrow.

I wouldn't be too sure about that.

It's better that you found out
now than later.

- Yeah, I guess so.
- Of course.

After all, you're going to be
a famous photographer.

Think of the pretty girls
you'll be meeting.

Yeah.

It was just disappointing, though.

We had a date tomorrow
to go birdwatching.

What are you doing now?

It's for that cat that's been
hanging around, Abner.

- I feel guilty for what happened today.
- What happened?

I accused her of molesting Tweety.

She should get a medal.

I'm just gonna leave her
a saucer of milk to apologise.

Here, puss, puss, puss.

Here, puss, puss, puss.

Well, it's here
when you're ready, puss.

- It's been quite a day, hasn't it?
- Yes, but it turned out all right.

- Even for Ling-Ling.
- Ling-Ling!

I forgot to change her back.

- Abner!
- Yeah?

Abner, there's a woman
in a fur coat lapping up the milk.

Is there?

Ling-Ling?

Abner, will you please come look?

Abner, hurry!

Ling...

Good.

Here, Gladys. I thought
I'd be prepared this time.