Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 1, Episode 19 - A Nice Little Dinner Party - full transcript

- I spoke to your folks yesterday.
- Yeah?

Pop any more used to being retired?

Your mother's having trouble
slowing him down.

Last week, he repapered the den,
reshingled the roof...

wrote nine letters to the editor
and washed the dog three times.

- Sounds like he's overdoing it.
- Yes, that's what she thinks.

- Poor thing's gone bald in three places.
- What?

The dog, I mean.

I wonder if it was a good idea, their
moving to the city and buying a house.

They sounded lonely, so I asked them
over to a dinner party tonight.

Oh, good. Thank you, sweetheart.



- I'll see you tonight.
- Okay.

Is anybody else coming?

- Just Mother.
- Mother?

Look, my folks are just plain, ordinary,
conventional people...

while your mother...

Well, let's face it.
Your mother's a witch.

- So is Aunt Clara, and they loved her.
- They didn't believe she was a witch.

They thought she was just
an eccentric old lady.

Now, if your mother does one of her
vanishing acts...

they're liable to keel over.

She won't do anything like that.
She promised to be charming.

I've seen some of her charms.
"Bang. You're a frog."

- There's nothing to be nervous about.
- Then why am I nervous?

Oh, they wanted me to stay on
for a few more years, but I said no.



I said, "I'm not one of these old fogies
who doesn't know when to retire."

- You enjoy being at home, huh, Father?
- Oh, sure.

- We're having a ball. Aren't we, Phyllis?
- Oh, yes.

All except the dog, that is.

Hope everybody's hungry.
Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.

Now, don't be offended
if I don't eat much, Samantha.

I've been a little off my feed lately.

Mrs. Stephens.

We're so looking forward
to meeting your mother, Samantha.

After all, we really know
so very little about her.

Well, I'd say that Mother was
a rather difficult person to describe.

"Unique" might be the word.
Don't you think so, Darrin?

Yes, that would come close.

Michelangelo was 85 when he built
the Pauline Chapel in the Vatican.

- What was that, Pop?
- Michelangelo, 85.

Verdi was 80 when he wrote
the opera Falstaff.

And did you know that
Winston Churchill was 77...

when they made him
prime minister in '51?

What's that got to do with anything?

Well, nothing.

I just thought that they were
rather interesting facts, that's all.

They didn't retire them.

That'll be Mother.

- Funny. I don't see any car outside.
- Oh, she walks. Loves to walk.

Samantha, my child.

- Mother, you look simply divine.
- Oh, thank you, dear.

I'd like you to meet Darrin's parents.

This is my mother.
Mr. Stephens, Mrs. Stephens.

- Mrs. Stephens, Mr. Stephens.
- How do you do?

- Call me Frank.
- Frank?

Oh, then you must call me Endora.

Oh, what a lovely tie.
My favourite colours, blue and white.

Oh, do you really like it?

Phyllis tried to talk me out of wearing
it. She thought it was too flashy.

Do you think so?

Well, I think it just matches
his piercing blue eyes.

- How is my favourite son-in-law today?
- You look stunning, Endora.

Yes, that's certainly a nifty outfit.

Dinner's almost ready.
Why don't we all go in and sit down.

Good. I'm starved.

- Endora.
- Oh, thank you.

I always thought
my son-in-law was handsome...

but now I can see
where he gets his good looks.

Mom.

She's quite an interesting woman,
isn't she?

Yes, but I wouldn't worry
about that, dear.

Samantha probably takes after
her father.

I hope you appreciate what an amusing
man your husband is, Mrs. Stephens.

Yes. He's a regular Milton Berle.

I just read about this Ethiopian fellow
in the paper who fathered a child at 82.

Now, isn't that amazing?

Not to me. Among my friends,
life really just begins at 80.

- Endora, you're a card.
- Oh, it's nice of you to say so.

Tell me more about yourself.

Well, I enjoy going to theatre when
I can drag Phyllis out of the house.

And, of course, I can't get her
to go to music.

Well, don't you like musicals, Mom?

I think all that singing and dancing
depresses her.

Well, I know exactly how you feel.

There are times when all that singing
and dancing depresses me too.

Nonsense. It's lively.

What are you doing tomorrow evening?

Phyllis and I are going to see
a new play.

- I could rustle up an extra ticket.
- Oh, I'd love to.

- Good.
- Sounds like fun.

Mother, you're forgetting you promised
Aunt Clara and Bertha...

you'd be with them
tomorrow evening.

Oh, it's no problem.

Frank, I don't think I'll feel up to
going out again tomorrow night.

What do you mean,
you won't feel like it? Why not?

- I'm going to have a headache.
- Maybe you could go another time.

Yes.

Yes, I'm sure Frank will need his rest
after the excitement of this evening.

Will you stop treating me
as if I'm senile?

I made a date,
and I'm going to keep it.

We'll go together.

If Phyllis doesn't wanna go along, save
me the bother of getting an extra ticket.

Are you sure you won't
change your mind?

No, no. I'm afraid not, dear.

Well, it's getting late.
Frank, it's time to go.

Do you really have to leave?

Yes, dear. I'm afraid I feel
that headache coming on.

- Well, it's been so nice meeting you.
- Thank you.

- Don't keep my husband out too late.
- Perhaps we really should postpone.

No, no. I wouldn't hear of it.

I've never been one
to stand in the way of Frank's fun.

Good night, Samantha, dear.
It's been such a lovely evening.

Wait a minute, Mom.
I'll get your coat.

I'll call you tomorrow.

- Mother, you promised.
- Yes. I promised to be charming.

I was, wasn't I?

Please, won't you change your mind?

No, dear. But thank you
for a very interesting evening.

- You're making a fool of yourself.
- I'm making a fool of myself?

Good night, dear. I like that.

You act as if
I've done something wrong.

Well, I wouldn't expect you to know...

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

As I've been saying, Samantha...

mortals can be very unreasonable.

All right, I apologise. You were right.

I never should've brought
our parents together.

You are right. I told you your mother
was up to something.

I'm beginning to understand why
they used to burn witches at Salem.

It's your father.

I had no idea he had such a case
of retarded adolescence.

Now, listen to me, Sam.

I will not listen to any more
after a remark like that.

If you care to have a calm, rational
discussion, I'll be only happy to oblige.

All right, all right. I give up.
It is hopeless.

Last night?

You mean that little difference
of opinion your father and I had?

Well, just don't give it
another thought, dear.

Frank and I are too old
to hold a grudge.

Mom, I can't tell you
how happy I am to hear that.

As a matter of fact, we had a good
laugh about it when we got home.

- Darrin.
- Pop.

Hi, son. I saw your car outside.
How you feeling?

- Great. How you feeling?
- Great.

What's the matter? Sore back?

You'd have a sore back too
if you slept on the couch all night.

- Darrin.
- Yes, Mom.

Would you please ask your father
if he wants any dinner tonight.

Darrin...

you can tell your mother I intend
to eat with Endora after the show.

You can also tell her that she's
welcome to join us if she wants to...

but I'm not going to beg her.

Darrin, you can tell your father that
I wouldn't go if it was Julius Caesar...

with the original cast.

You can tell her that I'm going to go
anyway, and I intend to enjoy myself.

Well, I gotta get this suit pressed.

- Good night, Darrin.
- Good night, Pop.

- Mom, there's no need to get upset.
- I'm not upset.

I must say, I'm a little surprised that
after 40 years of marriage...

my husband should turn out to be
a senior delinquent, but I'm not upset.

Mom, you just put the coffee pot
in the fridge.

You wanted more?

No.

Mom, I know Dad is inclined
to be a little bit stubborn...

- and he's very proud, but...
- Oh, no.

No, Darrin. It's not that at all.

- He's smitten with that woman.
- Oh, come on, Mom.

I know it happens sometimes
to men at his age...

and I can understand how he feels.

This retirement has hit him pretty hard,
and he thinks life is passing him by.

It's just that...

well, I don't know what to do
to get him back.

Mom, I'm sure you have nothing
to worry about.

Oh, I know it's not serious,
and I'm not really worried.

I'll just stay calm and
put the whole thing out of my mind.

After all...

- what can happen in one evening?
- Exactly.

And now, would you like
another cup of divorce?

Oh, it's just ridiculous.

Mother, this is serious.
That man is infatuated with you.

Oh, but I can't get out of going
to the theatre now. What else can I do?

I'll tell you what you can do.

Go and see Mrs. Stephens tomorrow
and explain to her...

that you have absolutely
no designs on her husband.

- You have to do it tactfully, of course.
- I'm busy for the next couple of days.

Mother, as a favour to me?

Please?

Samantha...

if you'd married one of those nice
warlocks that were so crazy about you...

none of this would've happened.

Oh, my stars.

Come in.

Mom.

Well, what are you doing downtown?

I've come to ask your advice
about something, Darrin.

Come on and sit down.

Now, what is it?

Do you know the name
of a good divorce lawyer?

Well, Charlie Finch...

Divorce lawyer?

Your father
didn't come home last night.

Well, when I got home, I discovered
I left my keys in my other jacket...

so I knocked a couple of times,
but Phyllis didn't hear me.

Either that or she wouldn't
answer the door.

Rather than disturb
the neighbourhood...

I spent the night here at the club.

Why don't you phone her
and tell her what happened?

I did.

Four times.

She wouldn't answer.

You don't think I'm acting like
a silly old man, do you?

Not really.

It's just that I find all of this
rather hard to understand, that's all.

- Say, that's a pretty scarf.
- A present from Darrin.

All morning I've been thinking about
a girl that I went with a long time ago.

Had a scarf just like this.
And a hat, a silly little hat.

I remember I had a spanking-new
yellow roadster...

and I took her out for a drive,
out to a place called Angel Falls.

And we laughed, we yelled, we sang.
We did crazy things.

We were very young.

And then I remember
there was this thunderstorm.

We couldn't get the top up,
but we didn't care.

We just sat there in the pouring rain,
laughing our fool heads off.

And then
the strangest thing happened.

All of a sudden, I began telling her
how lonely I was...

and how much I needed her.

And when I finished...

she wiped my face
with that green silk scarf...

and she said:

"You'll never be lonely again, Frank.

Whenever you need me,
I'll be there."

It's funny that I should think
of that today, isn't it?

I know it's hard for you to think
of Phyllis as being that young...

but let me tell you, in her day,
wow, she was really something.

In her day?
Well, she's something now.

The only thing that's happened
is you met Mother...

- and she made you feel young again.
- Yes.

She did.

Do you know what I've been doing
every day since I retired?

Filling in the pupils in Little Orphan
Annie's eyes in the newspapers.

That's bad,
but what really scared me...

was that was becoming
the big event of my day.

I mean, I had nothing else
to look forward to.

What Endora did was to point up
how drab my life had really become.

I guess that I was getting desperate
for some attention.

That's sad, isn't it?

Human, Pop.

- Hi, sweetheart.
- Hi, darling.

- Where you been?
- Went to see your mother.

We went to the beauty parlour
and we went shopping.

- Shopping? What for?
- Some new dresses...

and one green silk scarf.

You should see her.
She looks sensational.

I don't see how that
has to do with anything.

Well, I simply told her
how your father felt.

The most difficult thing was
convincing her there was nothing...

- between him and my mother.
- Has Pop seen her yet?

He should be arriving any minute.
Now, you just relax.

I've taken care of everything.

It's open. The door is open.
I'm in the kitchen.

Mrs. Stephens.

Oh, it's you.
I was expecting someone else.

Well, I won't stay long.

I...

I just came to apologise
for last night.

- Does Frank know you're here?
- Of course not.

I know this must be
very embarrassing to you...

but believe me, I have no intention
of breaking up a happy home.

You mean you're willing
to give him up?

Well, you could put it that way.

I didn't realise
things had gone this far.

What are you trying to say?

That I hope you two
will be very happy.

She's given me her husband.

- What am I gonna do with him?
- There must be some mistake.

I told her I didn't want him...

but she was so busy
being the wronged woman...

- that she didn't listen.
- I better go over and talk to her.

Hello?

Oh, Pop. Where are you?

At the airport.
I'm taking a plane to Miami.

I'm picking up a ship
going on a world cruise.

- But where's Mom?
- She wouldn't even talk to me.

When I got home,
she'd left for the railroad station.

She's probably on a train right now.

- Where's she going?
- Home to her mother in Phoenix.

Look, I've gotta go now.
They're calling my flight.

Wait a minute. Stay there.
I'll pick you up.

- We can work this thing out.
- No, no. It's no use, Darrin.

You just look after yourself now.

Pop...

Have you got any more bright ideas?

My father's on a plane to Florida.
My mother's on a train to Phoenix.

I'd like to see somebody solve this.

If only somehow we could
get them together...

I'm sure their problem
would be solved.

Mother...

- will you help me?
- Oh, it'd be an awful strain, dear.

I haven't tried
anything like that in years.

But you know it's important.

Still, it would be
an interesting challenge.

- Where shall we bring them together?
- Angel Falls.

It has sentimental value.

Angel Falls.

Well, the first thing we have to do
is slow down the train.

- Right.
- You wanna try?

Sure.

- Who pulled the emergency cord?
- I did.

Well, why would you do that, lady?

You know, I don't know.

That'll hold them for a few minutes. It's
nice to know I haven't lost my touch.

Mother will take over from here.
Now, just give me room.

Hello, friends.
This is Captain Harcourt speaking.

Welcome aboard flight 645,
nonstop to Miami.

We're flying at an altitude
of 26,000 feet...

and in just a few minutes,
we'll be landing in Angel Falls.

Angel Falls?

- What made you say that?
- I don't know.

Mother, do they have an airstrip
in Angel Falls?

There will be by the time they land.

I'm terribly sorry.
I just don't know what came over me.

I don't usually do things like that,
you know.

- Sure, lady, sure.
- Well, I'm fine now, so you can relax.

- I'll behave myself.
- Is that a promise?

Now, I better get back to that train.

What's the matter with you? You're
throwing the passengers all over.

Well, I'm terribly sorry, sir.

- I'll wait at the depot.
- What depot?

We're out in the middle of nowhere.

By golly, there is a depot out there.

- Frank, you're here.
- Yeah.

- Somehow I knew you'd be here too.
- Isn't it strange?

I pulled the cord twice.
I don't know why.

- But I'm glad I did.
- I'm glad too.

You look awfully pretty, Phyllis.
Pretty as the last time we were here.

There's been a lot of time
in between...

but nothing has changed much.

- Has it, Frank?
- No, nothing's changed.

It's funny how you let things
get out of hand.

I thought you'd lost interest in me...

so I tried to make you feel
as old as I felt.

- I'm sorry, dear.
- Oh, no. It was all my fault, Phyllis.

I was acting like an old goat.

Maybe we're not as old
as we think.

Maybe we're not.

May I drive you somewhere?

Home.

Sam.

Sam. I just talked to Mom and Dad.

- Guess where they are.
- Where?

- Angel Falls.
- Really?

- Oh, how nice.
- Nice? It's fantastic.

They were on the verge of divorce,
heading in different directions.

My dad used to tell me
about Angel Falls.

He proposed to Mom
right in the middle of a thunderstorm.

I forgot the thunderstorm.

What thunderstorm?

What was that for?

I just wanted everything to be perfect.

All this should be a lesson to us.

We must not become
used to each other.

I don't think I'll ever become
used to you, darling.

That's sweet of you to say.

You can see how important it is
to keep romance in a marriage.

Promise me you'll never stop
being romantic.

Darrin?