Bewitched (1964–1972): Season 1, Episode 13 - Love Is Blind - full transcript
Gertrude is Samantha's slightly klutzy, Plain Jane of a woman, and self-effacing friend who wants a boyfriend and eventually get married. To help her, Samantha wants Darrin to set her up with one of his friends, most specifically his art department co-worker, Kermit. Darrin doesn't think Kermit is in the market for a wife or even a steady girlfriend as he is known to play the field, but Darrin asks him anyway. When Kermit and Gertrude hit it off immediately, Darrin is convinced that Gertrude is a witch who cast a spell over Kermit if only because a Kermit/Gertrude match is not obvious on the surface. So when Kermit and Gertrude seem to becoming serious in their relationship, Darrin does whatever he can to steer Kermit away from Gertrude. Wanting happiness for her mortal friend, Samantha does whatever she can to thwart Darrin's actions.
Everything here is just
beautiful, Samantha.
Thank you, Gertrude.
If I look a little
green, it's pure envy.
I break out whenever I
see a friend happily married.
Your turn will come.
I know, but when?
As soon as you
meet the right man.
Have any idea where he's hiding?
I'll bet Darrin knows
plenty of nice single men.
Ohh, I don't want to
seem too eager, Samantha,
but I'm always available.
I'll have him invite someone
to dinner Friday night.
Ohh!
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Don't worry about it. It's
only an inexpensive replica.
It can be replaced.
It didn't look inexpensive.
Looks can be deceiving.
Now, Gertrude, are you
gonna be able to come for dinner
Friday night?
Sure.
But I think you'd be better
off inviting Hurricane Hannah.
[LAUGHS]
Don't be silly.
See you Friday night.
Thanks.
What time Friday?
Eight o'clock.
I told you it could be replaced.
[♪♪♪]
Honey, I'm home.
Hi there, sweetheart.
Hi, baby.
Did you have a hard
day at the office?
The usual.
I bet you're glad to have a
nice home to return to after work.
You bet I am.
Can I fix you a drink?
Thank you, sweetheart.
I bet some fellows at
the office aren't that lucky.
None of them are.
Some of them probably
aren't even married.
Are you driving at
something, Sam?
Why would you say that?
Something about your approach.
There are probably lots
of attractive bachelors
at the office, aren't there?
Why?
Darrin, does every question
have to have a "why" behind it?
Look, Sam, nobody
asks a question like that
without having
an ulterior motive.
Now, you own up.
What is it?
Do you have some
single girlfriend
who's looking for a husband?
Well, there is one
lovely girl I know.
Uh-huh. Who?
Gertrude.
Do I know her?
You met her at
the hospital benefit.
Oh.
Was she the one with the...?
No, that's Lola.
Was she the one with the...?
No, I think you're
thinking about Nancy.
I am thinking about Nancy.
Forget about Nancy!
Think about Gertrude.
I'm afraid she didn't make much
of an impression on me, Sam.
She'll make a fine impression
on some poor lonely boy
at your office.
No, she won't.
I don't know any
poor lonely boys.
What about that
artist friend of yours?
Kermit.
Oh, you're kidding!
Kermit's having a
ball being single.
Women throw
themselves at his feet.
What a life that Kermit lives.
You were leading the same
kind of life when you met me.
And you were glad to give it up.
Weren't you?
Sure I was, Sam.
But a girl like you doesn't
come along every day.
Neither does a
girl like Gertrude.
I have an idea.
Why don't you ask Kermit
to dinner Friday night?
Sam, if there's one thing
Kermit is not in the market for,
it's a wife.
Darling, I'm just asking
you to invite him to dinner,
not his wedding.
For me?
Please?
Hi, Kermit. Hi, Darrin.
Mmm. Boy! You like her?
Who wouldn't? Name's Susan.
I know. I met her with you
a few times, remember?
Oh, that's right.
Um...
I guess you're going to be
busy Friday night, aren't you?
Oh, yeah. She asked
me out to her place.
That's that.
That's what?
My wife had the crazy notion
that you might like to
come to dinner at our house.
Is Samantha a good cook?
Pretty good. I'll come.
And walk away from that?
Well, I can always
walk right back.
I hope.
What time?
Dinner's at 8.
I'll be there.
Hey, that's mine, buddy.
Oh, yeah.
Candles?
We always have candles
when we have guests for dinner.
Tonight I'd like
the lights on. Why?
So that Kermit can get a good
look at your friend Gertrude.
Now, darling,
don't make it sound
as if I'm trying to put
something over on him.
Well, aren't you?
When he gets to know Gertrude,
he's going to thank you
for bringing them together.
If she were the kind of girl
that would make an
impression on Kermit,
I'd remember her from
the hospital benefit.
Don't judge everybody's
tastes by your own, sweetheart.
One man's meat
is another man's...
I know this particular man's
tastes, Sam, believe me.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Now, you behave yourself.
I'll try.
Hi. I hope I'm not late.
No, you're the first one
here. Come on in, Gertrude.
Hi, Darrin. Nice
seeing you again.
Hi, Gertrude. Nice
seeing you again.
Married life must
agree with you.
You've put on a little
weight, haven't you?
Oh, have I?
Well, you look just
about the same.
Really?
I'd better retreat
to the powder room
and see whether I can
do something about that.
I don't remember her at all.
Darrin! [DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it, honey.
Hello, Darrin. Hi,
Kermit. Come on in.
Thank you. Hi, Samantha.
Hello, Kermit.
Ah, what'll I do
with this, Darrin?
[CRASH]
Oh, my gosh!
Was it valuable?
Don't ask.
Don't kid.
Don't worry. It can be
replaced just like that.
Stop trying to frighten
the poor man. I'll do that.
Hi. I'm Gertrude.
Oh, I'm Kermit.
Thanks for setting me
straight about that vase.
My old buddy here had
me worried for a minute.
Well, that vase happened
to be an authentic relic.
Ha. So am I.
Were you warned about me or
do I come as a horrible surprise?
You're a delightful surprise.
Tell me all about yourself.
Oh, it's a terribly
uninteresting story.
Why don't you tell
me all about you?
With pleasure. You just happened
to hit on my favorite subject.
[WHISPERS] He likes her.
Where did she get the idea
that vase could be replaced?
Oh, don't worry
about it, darling. It can.
Samantha. Mm-hm?
Is Gertrude a...?
A what?
You know.
Really, Darrin! Now, come on.
[KERMIT AND GERTRUDE
CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY]
They seem to have taken
to each other. Isn't that nice?
"Nice" isn't the
word. It's strange.
You're surrounded by
beautiful girls day and night.
I must come as quite a shock.
What do you mean?
Well, I'm not exactly
the model type.
I think you're a
very lovely type
and I wish you'd stop
running yourself down.
Darrin, this girl is terrific.
Where have you been hiding her?
You'll have to ask
my wife that question.
Uh, what are you
people drinking?
I'll have a Crazy Charlie.
Uh, what's that?
It's my own invention.
It's composed of...
Two parts vodka, one part gin
and one part
bicarbonate of soda.
How in the world
did you know that?
I don't know. I must be psychic.
I'll have a Crazy Charlie
too. It sounds interesting.
Two Crazy Charlies coming up.
Make that three.
Three Crazy Charlies.
And one bicarb
of soda. Straight.
I can't get over you
knowing about Crazy Charlie.
I bet you two find you have
a lot of things in common.
Ah, Kermit, come
here. I need your help.
I'll go.
DARRIN: I want Kermit.
Excuse me.
What do you think of him?
As a rule, I don't
like handsome men,
but he's the exception.
Be careful. Of what?
Gertrude.
What's the matter with her?
I'm not sure.
She seems perfectly okay to me.
Believe me, I know more
about these things than you do.
Since when?
Since I got married.
Listen, chum, a marriage
license is not a Master's degree.
I know what I'm talking about!
So do I.
Take my advice:
Ignore that girl.
I've got a better idea.
What?
I'll ignore you.
Oh, Kermit.
Here.
Thank you.
It's, uh... different.
So are you.
[BIRDS CAWING]
The curlew are passing
over early this year.
Don't tell me
you're a bird lover!
It's my one passion.
Don't tell me you are!
Oh, I have many hidden
passions. That's one.
Hey, I've got a great idea.
You want me to go birdwatching
with you tomorrow morning.
Gertrude, that's
absolutely astonishing.
Confess. You possess
supernatural powers.
Samantha, can I speak to
you in the kitchen for a minute?
When? Now!
Excuse me.
Is Gertrude a witch?
Ha-ha-ha. Darrin!
Is that why you've
been acting so funny?
I've been acting funny?!
I'm glad you recognize it.
Oh, come on, Sam! I
want a straight answer.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
For Kermit's sake.
Gertrude is no more
of a witch than...
Than you are! I thought so.
Oh, I forgot
myself for a minute.
Oh, no, you didn't.
All right, Gertrude is a witch.
All of my friends are witches
and we're just waiting
for the right time
to swoop down on
Morning Glory Circle
and claim it in the
name of Beelzebub.
Oh, come on, Sam. Quit kidding.
Who's kidding?
I have to check my roast.
Sam? Yes, dear?
Do something for me, will you?
Anything.
Tell me honestly.
Is she or isn't she?
Is she or isn't she what?
Oh, come on,
Sam. This is serious.
Kermit's stopped dating
all of his old girlfriends.
He's going out with
Gertrude every single night.
Ohh! That does sound serious.
What I want to know is why.
Don't you think you
ought to ask Kermit?
I did ask Kermit. He
can't figure it out either.
It's obvious they like
each other very much.
It's obvious she's a witch.
Does a girl have to be a witch
to make a man give
up all his old girlfriends?
If the man's Kermit and
the girl's Gertrude, yes.
That's ridiculous, Darrin.
I know your tricks, Samantha.
I didn't use one single
trick to bring them together.
That proves she's a witch!
How does that prove it?
How did she know
about Crazy Charlie?
Oh.
Well, I just did it
to get them started.
She's very shy, you know.
Oh.
And the curlew?
You brought them over a wee
bit early this year, didn't you?
They were on their way anyway.
It was only a matter
of a couple of weeks.
Sam, do you realize
this nonsense of yours
could end up with those
two getting married?
Wouldn't that be nice?
A joke's a joke,
but this is no joke!
Kermit shouldn't be
married under a spell.
Darling, nobody gets
married under a witch's spell.
We haven't got
that kind of power.
No? No.
A man meets a
girl, they fall in love,
and he asks her to marry him.
Just like you asked me.
How do I know I
wasn't under your spell?
Is that what you think?
I don't know what I think.
Except I do think
Gertrude's a witch.
What do you have
against witches?
Well, nothing personally,
but... But what?
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
Hi, Darrin. Kermit.
Did you okay those layouts?
Not yet.
Look, Kermit, I think
we'd better have a talk.
About what?
About the way you've been
treating your old friends.
What friends?
For example, Susan. Susan?
You know, you haven't called
her since you met Gertrude.
I haven't been going out
with anybody but Gertrude.
Is that any reason
to turn your back on
an old friend like Susan?
Susan's not a
friend. She's a girl.
Susan is a person!
And she's interested
in you as a person.
In your career, in your mind.
You've got to be kidding.
Come on, okay
those layouts, will you?
I can't now. I'm too busy.
When will you be able to?
Not until tomorrow
at the earliest.
They have to go
to the engravers.
Maybe late tomorrow.
How late?
Ten o'clock.
At night?
We'll have dinner and drinks.
I'll meet you at the
Interlude at 10:00.
Of course I
remember you, Darrin.
You work with that
treacherous Kermit
who hasn't called me
in more than a month.
A spell?
Well, if he's been sick I'm
sure I can make him feel better.
All right. The Interlude at 10.
I'll be there.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello, Kermit?
Sorry to disappoint you,
Gertrude. It's only me.
If I sound like a giddy
girl in love, it's your fault.
What are you doing tonight?
I plan on going to sleep early.
It's the first night in weeks
I won't be seeing Kermit.
And I think I know why.
Kermit and Darrin are
meeting at the Interlude tonight.
Darrin says it's business,
but monkey business
is more like it.
He doesn't know it
yet, but I'm going along
and I want you to
meet me there at 10:00.
Good.
You know something?
I miss Gertrude.
That's sweet. It's crazy.
She's the only girl I know
I never run out of
conversation with.
I think I'm gonna
ask her to marry me.
That's wonderful!
What made you suddenly
think of a thing like that?
I didn't suddenly think of it.
I've been thinking
about it for weeks.
Hi.
Susan!
I hope I didn't
keep you waiting.
Oh, hi, Susan.
Waiting?
No, no, of course not.
I don't believe
you've met my wife.
Samantha, this is Susan.
Hello.
You two I'm sure
will like each other.
I'm sure.
Won't you sit down, Susan?
Thank you. Please,
take my chair, Susan.
You know, it's a funny thing,
Kermit and I were
talking about you today.
Weren't we, Kermit?
SUSAN: I'm glad to hear that.
He said some very nice things.
Very nice.
Did you tell him about the
night our car broke down
near that funny roadhouse?
And we had to walk
through the rain.
And you swept me up in
your arms and carried me.
KERMIT: And I slipped.
We went splashing
into that muddy water.
[LAUGHS]
I'd almost forgotten.
Susan's quite a girl.
I'll bet.
When Darrin called me today,
I had some misgivings as to
whether I should see you again.
But now I don't.
I bet you two had
marvelous times together.
Don't bet on that. You'd lose.
But you said...
Kermit carried you
through the rain.
And dropped me
in the mud puddle.
Oh, those rippling muscles
are nothing but butterfat.
But he was doing his best.
I bet you had real fun together.
Fun? Oh, it was terrible!
I'm glad I finally
got the chance
to tell you off.
Now, if you don't
mind, I'd like to leave.
Don't hesitate on
my account. No, wait!
For what?
I've had it with this
musclebound Sir Galahad.
Don't ever call me again.
And that goes for you too.
Susan's never
talked like that before.
It is strange.
She was so friendly at first.
She wouldn't have if my wife
had gone and powdered her nose
instead of twitching it in
other people's business.
I didn't say a word.
You didn't have to.
I'm looking for Mrs.
Stephens, please.
Oh, of course. Right this way.
My goodness, look who's here.
Gertrude! Kermit!
I don't know how you got
here but I'm sure glad you did.
I want to ask you a question.
Would you excuse us?
Yes, of course.
Dirty pool.
All's fair in love and war.
Samantha, once and for all,
stop interfering
in Kermit's wife.
Life!
Samantha, Gertrude
would like you
to join her in the powder room.
She's crying.
What did you say to her?
I asked her to marry me.
Congratulations!
Well, what are you
looking so unhappy about?
I'm the one who's
getting married.
I'm sorry I have
to tell you this,
but there doesn't seem
to be any other way.
Tell me.
You're not gonna believe this.
I believe whatever
anybody tells me.
Gertrude's a witch.
Except that. I'm not kidding!
Listen to me, Kermit.
Now, look, Darrin.
Stop making insinuating
remarks about Gertrude.
Or I won't invite
you to the wedding.
Sweetheart.
Mmm.
You'd better wake up
or by the time we
get to the wedding,
Gertrude will have already
flown off on her broom.
Very funny. Very funny.
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
Oh, dear. It's raining.
An omen of things to
come for poor Kermit.
Darrin!
No witch would let herself
get married on a day like this.
Matter of fact,
no witch would even attend
a wedding on a day like this.
Good.
A union embodying such an ideal
is not be entered into
lightly or unadvisedly,
but reverently, discreetly,
advisedly, soberly
and in the fear of God.
Into such a union you
come now to be joined.
If there be any here present
who knows any just cause
why they may not lawfully
be joined in marriage,
I require him now
to make it known or...
Darrin, you wouldn't
say anything, would you?
Well, um... They're
so much in love.
And it isn't witchcraft.
You do believe me, don't you?
I believe you.
Forever after to hold his peace.
Do you, Kermit, take this woman
to be your lawful wedded wife,
to love and to cherish,
to have and to hold,
and forsaking all others,
will you cleave to her
and to her only so long
as you both shall live?
I will.
Do you, Gertrude,
take this man to be your
lawful wedded husband,
to love and to cherish,
to have and to hold,
and forsaking all others,
will you cleave to him
and to him only so long
as you both shall live?
I will.
I now declare you man and wife.
Wasn't that a marvelous party?
It was great.
You know, I can't get over
how much Kermit's changed.
Changed?
Yes, it's just been a
few weeks and he's...
Well, I don't know,
he's acting like a...
Married man.
You know something, Sam? Mmm?
Love can cast almost as
powerful a spell on a man
as witchcraft.
I'll let you in on a little
professional secret.
It's a lot more potent than
anything we can conjure up.
Yeah.
[CRASH]
DARRIN: Oh, boy.
Here we go again.
Honey, I'm sorry.
Honey, couldn't you have
found a safer place for it?
This was bound to happen again.
Well, I thought it
would be all right.
Would you do me a favor?
Mmm.
Would you put it
back together again?
I thought you didn't like me
correcting mistakes that way.
I'm making an exception.
Would you please put
it back together again?
All right.
That's fabulous.
Would you like me
to do a little magic?
You? Magic?
What did you have in mind?
Something that
you'll like, I think.
Be my guest.
Well, what do you
know? It worked.
That's one you can count on.
It'll work every time.
[♪♪♪]
beautiful, Samantha.
Thank you, Gertrude.
If I look a little
green, it's pure envy.
I break out whenever I
see a friend happily married.
Your turn will come.
I know, but when?
As soon as you
meet the right man.
Have any idea where he's hiding?
I'll bet Darrin knows
plenty of nice single men.
Ohh, I don't want to
seem too eager, Samantha,
but I'm always available.
I'll have him invite someone
to dinner Friday night.
Ohh!
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Don't worry about it. It's
only an inexpensive replica.
It can be replaced.
It didn't look inexpensive.
Looks can be deceiving.
Now, Gertrude, are you
gonna be able to come for dinner
Friday night?
Sure.
But I think you'd be better
off inviting Hurricane Hannah.
[LAUGHS]
Don't be silly.
See you Friday night.
Thanks.
What time Friday?
Eight o'clock.
I told you it could be replaced.
[♪♪♪]
Honey, I'm home.
Hi there, sweetheart.
Hi, baby.
Did you have a hard
day at the office?
The usual.
I bet you're glad to have a
nice home to return to after work.
You bet I am.
Can I fix you a drink?
Thank you, sweetheart.
I bet some fellows at
the office aren't that lucky.
None of them are.
Some of them probably
aren't even married.
Are you driving at
something, Sam?
Why would you say that?
Something about your approach.
There are probably lots
of attractive bachelors
at the office, aren't there?
Why?
Darrin, does every question
have to have a "why" behind it?
Look, Sam, nobody
asks a question like that
without having
an ulterior motive.
Now, you own up.
What is it?
Do you have some
single girlfriend
who's looking for a husband?
Well, there is one
lovely girl I know.
Uh-huh. Who?
Gertrude.
Do I know her?
You met her at
the hospital benefit.
Oh.
Was she the one with the...?
No, that's Lola.
Was she the one with the...?
No, I think you're
thinking about Nancy.
I am thinking about Nancy.
Forget about Nancy!
Think about Gertrude.
I'm afraid she didn't make much
of an impression on me, Sam.
She'll make a fine impression
on some poor lonely boy
at your office.
No, she won't.
I don't know any
poor lonely boys.
What about that
artist friend of yours?
Kermit.
Oh, you're kidding!
Kermit's having a
ball being single.
Women throw
themselves at his feet.
What a life that Kermit lives.
You were leading the same
kind of life when you met me.
And you were glad to give it up.
Weren't you?
Sure I was, Sam.
But a girl like you doesn't
come along every day.
Neither does a
girl like Gertrude.
I have an idea.
Why don't you ask Kermit
to dinner Friday night?
Sam, if there's one thing
Kermit is not in the market for,
it's a wife.
Darling, I'm just asking
you to invite him to dinner,
not his wedding.
For me?
Please?
Hi, Kermit. Hi, Darrin.
Mmm. Boy! You like her?
Who wouldn't? Name's Susan.
I know. I met her with you
a few times, remember?
Oh, that's right.
Um...
I guess you're going to be
busy Friday night, aren't you?
Oh, yeah. She asked
me out to her place.
That's that.
That's what?
My wife had the crazy notion
that you might like to
come to dinner at our house.
Is Samantha a good cook?
Pretty good. I'll come.
And walk away from that?
Well, I can always
walk right back.
I hope.
What time?
Dinner's at 8.
I'll be there.
Hey, that's mine, buddy.
Oh, yeah.
Candles?
We always have candles
when we have guests for dinner.
Tonight I'd like
the lights on. Why?
So that Kermit can get a good
look at your friend Gertrude.
Now, darling,
don't make it sound
as if I'm trying to put
something over on him.
Well, aren't you?
When he gets to know Gertrude,
he's going to thank you
for bringing them together.
If she were the kind of girl
that would make an
impression on Kermit,
I'd remember her from
the hospital benefit.
Don't judge everybody's
tastes by your own, sweetheart.
One man's meat
is another man's...
I know this particular man's
tastes, Sam, believe me.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Now, you behave yourself.
I'll try.
Hi. I hope I'm not late.
No, you're the first one
here. Come on in, Gertrude.
Hi, Darrin. Nice
seeing you again.
Hi, Gertrude. Nice
seeing you again.
Married life must
agree with you.
You've put on a little
weight, haven't you?
Oh, have I?
Well, you look just
about the same.
Really?
I'd better retreat
to the powder room
and see whether I can
do something about that.
I don't remember her at all.
Darrin! [DOORBELL RINGS]
I'll get it, honey.
Hello, Darrin. Hi,
Kermit. Come on in.
Thank you. Hi, Samantha.
Hello, Kermit.
Ah, what'll I do
with this, Darrin?
[CRASH]
Oh, my gosh!
Was it valuable?
Don't ask.
Don't kid.
Don't worry. It can be
replaced just like that.
Stop trying to frighten
the poor man. I'll do that.
Hi. I'm Gertrude.
Oh, I'm Kermit.
Thanks for setting me
straight about that vase.
My old buddy here had
me worried for a minute.
Well, that vase happened
to be an authentic relic.
Ha. So am I.
Were you warned about me or
do I come as a horrible surprise?
You're a delightful surprise.
Tell me all about yourself.
Oh, it's a terribly
uninteresting story.
Why don't you tell
me all about you?
With pleasure. You just happened
to hit on my favorite subject.
[WHISPERS] He likes her.
Where did she get the idea
that vase could be replaced?
Oh, don't worry
about it, darling. It can.
Samantha. Mm-hm?
Is Gertrude a...?
A what?
You know.
Really, Darrin! Now, come on.
[KERMIT AND GERTRUDE
CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY]
They seem to have taken
to each other. Isn't that nice?
"Nice" isn't the
word. It's strange.
You're surrounded by
beautiful girls day and night.
I must come as quite a shock.
What do you mean?
Well, I'm not exactly
the model type.
I think you're a
very lovely type
and I wish you'd stop
running yourself down.
Darrin, this girl is terrific.
Where have you been hiding her?
You'll have to ask
my wife that question.
Uh, what are you
people drinking?
I'll have a Crazy Charlie.
Uh, what's that?
It's my own invention.
It's composed of...
Two parts vodka, one part gin
and one part
bicarbonate of soda.
How in the world
did you know that?
I don't know. I must be psychic.
I'll have a Crazy Charlie
too. It sounds interesting.
Two Crazy Charlies coming up.
Make that three.
Three Crazy Charlies.
And one bicarb
of soda. Straight.
I can't get over you
knowing about Crazy Charlie.
I bet you two find you have
a lot of things in common.
Ah, Kermit, come
here. I need your help.
I'll go.
DARRIN: I want Kermit.
Excuse me.
What do you think of him?
As a rule, I don't
like handsome men,
but he's the exception.
Be careful. Of what?
Gertrude.
What's the matter with her?
I'm not sure.
She seems perfectly okay to me.
Believe me, I know more
about these things than you do.
Since when?
Since I got married.
Listen, chum, a marriage
license is not a Master's degree.
I know what I'm talking about!
So do I.
Take my advice:
Ignore that girl.
I've got a better idea.
What?
I'll ignore you.
Oh, Kermit.
Here.
Thank you.
It's, uh... different.
So are you.
[BIRDS CAWING]
The curlew are passing
over early this year.
Don't tell me
you're a bird lover!
It's my one passion.
Don't tell me you are!
Oh, I have many hidden
passions. That's one.
Hey, I've got a great idea.
You want me to go birdwatching
with you tomorrow morning.
Gertrude, that's
absolutely astonishing.
Confess. You possess
supernatural powers.
Samantha, can I speak to
you in the kitchen for a minute?
When? Now!
Excuse me.
Is Gertrude a witch?
Ha-ha-ha. Darrin!
Is that why you've
been acting so funny?
I've been acting funny?!
I'm glad you recognize it.
Oh, come on, Sam! I
want a straight answer.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
For Kermit's sake.
Gertrude is no more
of a witch than...
Than you are! I thought so.
Oh, I forgot
myself for a minute.
Oh, no, you didn't.
All right, Gertrude is a witch.
All of my friends are witches
and we're just waiting
for the right time
to swoop down on
Morning Glory Circle
and claim it in the
name of Beelzebub.
Oh, come on, Sam. Quit kidding.
Who's kidding?
I have to check my roast.
Sam? Yes, dear?
Do something for me, will you?
Anything.
Tell me honestly.
Is she or isn't she?
Is she or isn't she what?
Oh, come on,
Sam. This is serious.
Kermit's stopped dating
all of his old girlfriends.
He's going out with
Gertrude every single night.
Ohh! That does sound serious.
What I want to know is why.
Don't you think you
ought to ask Kermit?
I did ask Kermit. He
can't figure it out either.
It's obvious they like
each other very much.
It's obvious she's a witch.
Does a girl have to be a witch
to make a man give
up all his old girlfriends?
If the man's Kermit and
the girl's Gertrude, yes.
That's ridiculous, Darrin.
I know your tricks, Samantha.
I didn't use one single
trick to bring them together.
That proves she's a witch!
How does that prove it?
How did she know
about Crazy Charlie?
Oh.
Well, I just did it
to get them started.
She's very shy, you know.
Oh.
And the curlew?
You brought them over a wee
bit early this year, didn't you?
They were on their way anyway.
It was only a matter
of a couple of weeks.
Sam, do you realize
this nonsense of yours
could end up with those
two getting married?
Wouldn't that be nice?
A joke's a joke,
but this is no joke!
Kermit shouldn't be
married under a spell.
Darling, nobody gets
married under a witch's spell.
We haven't got
that kind of power.
No? No.
A man meets a
girl, they fall in love,
and he asks her to marry him.
Just like you asked me.
How do I know I
wasn't under your spell?
Is that what you think?
I don't know what I think.
Except I do think
Gertrude's a witch.
What do you have
against witches?
Well, nothing personally,
but... But what?
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
Hi, Darrin. Kermit.
Did you okay those layouts?
Not yet.
Look, Kermit, I think
we'd better have a talk.
About what?
About the way you've been
treating your old friends.
What friends?
For example, Susan. Susan?
You know, you haven't called
her since you met Gertrude.
I haven't been going out
with anybody but Gertrude.
Is that any reason
to turn your back on
an old friend like Susan?
Susan's not a
friend. She's a girl.
Susan is a person!
And she's interested
in you as a person.
In your career, in your mind.
You've got to be kidding.
Come on, okay
those layouts, will you?
I can't now. I'm too busy.
When will you be able to?
Not until tomorrow
at the earliest.
They have to go
to the engravers.
Maybe late tomorrow.
How late?
Ten o'clock.
At night?
We'll have dinner and drinks.
I'll meet you at the
Interlude at 10:00.
Of course I
remember you, Darrin.
You work with that
treacherous Kermit
who hasn't called me
in more than a month.
A spell?
Well, if he's been sick I'm
sure I can make him feel better.
All right. The Interlude at 10.
I'll be there.
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello, Kermit?
Sorry to disappoint you,
Gertrude. It's only me.
If I sound like a giddy
girl in love, it's your fault.
What are you doing tonight?
I plan on going to sleep early.
It's the first night in weeks
I won't be seeing Kermit.
And I think I know why.
Kermit and Darrin are
meeting at the Interlude tonight.
Darrin says it's business,
but monkey business
is more like it.
He doesn't know it
yet, but I'm going along
and I want you to
meet me there at 10:00.
Good.
You know something?
I miss Gertrude.
That's sweet. It's crazy.
She's the only girl I know
I never run out of
conversation with.
I think I'm gonna
ask her to marry me.
That's wonderful!
What made you suddenly
think of a thing like that?
I didn't suddenly think of it.
I've been thinking
about it for weeks.
Hi.
Susan!
I hope I didn't
keep you waiting.
Oh, hi, Susan.
Waiting?
No, no, of course not.
I don't believe
you've met my wife.
Samantha, this is Susan.
Hello.
You two I'm sure
will like each other.
I'm sure.
Won't you sit down, Susan?
Thank you. Please,
take my chair, Susan.
You know, it's a funny thing,
Kermit and I were
talking about you today.
Weren't we, Kermit?
SUSAN: I'm glad to hear that.
He said some very nice things.
Very nice.
Did you tell him about the
night our car broke down
near that funny roadhouse?
And we had to walk
through the rain.
And you swept me up in
your arms and carried me.
KERMIT: And I slipped.
We went splashing
into that muddy water.
[LAUGHS]
I'd almost forgotten.
Susan's quite a girl.
I'll bet.
When Darrin called me today,
I had some misgivings as to
whether I should see you again.
But now I don't.
I bet you two had
marvelous times together.
Don't bet on that. You'd lose.
But you said...
Kermit carried you
through the rain.
And dropped me
in the mud puddle.
Oh, those rippling muscles
are nothing but butterfat.
But he was doing his best.
I bet you had real fun together.
Fun? Oh, it was terrible!
I'm glad I finally
got the chance
to tell you off.
Now, if you don't
mind, I'd like to leave.
Don't hesitate on
my account. No, wait!
For what?
I've had it with this
musclebound Sir Galahad.
Don't ever call me again.
And that goes for you too.
Susan's never
talked like that before.
It is strange.
She was so friendly at first.
She wouldn't have if my wife
had gone and powdered her nose
instead of twitching it in
other people's business.
I didn't say a word.
You didn't have to.
I'm looking for Mrs.
Stephens, please.
Oh, of course. Right this way.
My goodness, look who's here.
Gertrude! Kermit!
I don't know how you got
here but I'm sure glad you did.
I want to ask you a question.
Would you excuse us?
Yes, of course.
Dirty pool.
All's fair in love and war.
Samantha, once and for all,
stop interfering
in Kermit's wife.
Life!
Samantha, Gertrude
would like you
to join her in the powder room.
She's crying.
What did you say to her?
I asked her to marry me.
Congratulations!
Well, what are you
looking so unhappy about?
I'm the one who's
getting married.
I'm sorry I have
to tell you this,
but there doesn't seem
to be any other way.
Tell me.
You're not gonna believe this.
I believe whatever
anybody tells me.
Gertrude's a witch.
Except that. I'm not kidding!
Listen to me, Kermit.
Now, look, Darrin.
Stop making insinuating
remarks about Gertrude.
Or I won't invite
you to the wedding.
Sweetheart.
Mmm.
You'd better wake up
or by the time we
get to the wedding,
Gertrude will have already
flown off on her broom.
Very funny. Very funny.
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
Oh, dear. It's raining.
An omen of things to
come for poor Kermit.
Darrin!
No witch would let herself
get married on a day like this.
Matter of fact,
no witch would even attend
a wedding on a day like this.
Good.
A union embodying such an ideal
is not be entered into
lightly or unadvisedly,
but reverently, discreetly,
advisedly, soberly
and in the fear of God.
Into such a union you
come now to be joined.
If there be any here present
who knows any just cause
why they may not lawfully
be joined in marriage,
I require him now
to make it known or...
Darrin, you wouldn't
say anything, would you?
Well, um... They're
so much in love.
And it isn't witchcraft.
You do believe me, don't you?
I believe you.
Forever after to hold his peace.
Do you, Kermit, take this woman
to be your lawful wedded wife,
to love and to cherish,
to have and to hold,
and forsaking all others,
will you cleave to her
and to her only so long
as you both shall live?
I will.
Do you, Gertrude,
take this man to be your
lawful wedded husband,
to love and to cherish,
to have and to hold,
and forsaking all others,
will you cleave to him
and to him only so long
as you both shall live?
I will.
I now declare you man and wife.
Wasn't that a marvelous party?
It was great.
You know, I can't get over
how much Kermit's changed.
Changed?
Yes, it's just been a
few weeks and he's...
Well, I don't know,
he's acting like a...
Married man.
You know something, Sam? Mmm?
Love can cast almost as
powerful a spell on a man
as witchcraft.
I'll let you in on a little
professional secret.
It's a lot more potent than
anything we can conjure up.
Yeah.
[CRASH]
DARRIN: Oh, boy.
Here we go again.
Honey, I'm sorry.
Honey, couldn't you have
found a safer place for it?
This was bound to happen again.
Well, I thought it
would be all right.
Would you do me a favor?
Mmm.
Would you put it
back together again?
I thought you didn't like me
correcting mistakes that way.
I'm making an exception.
Would you please put
it back together again?
All right.
That's fabulous.
Would you like me
to do a little magic?
You? Magic?
What did you have in mind?
Something that
you'll like, I think.
Be my guest.
Well, what do you
know? It worked.
That's one you can count on.
It'll work every time.
[♪♪♪]