Beverly Hills, 90210 (1990–2000): Season 8, Episode 28 - Skin Deep - full transcript

To Muntz, the first
of my KEG brethren

to freefall into the
clutches of matrimony.

Till death do you part, man.

I'll drink to that.

You know, this
whole marriage thing

is becoming like an epidemic.

First Andrea, then Dylan.

Now Muntz.

'Course Andrea
is getting a divorce.

What made you do it, man?

Was it a crowbar?



Full moon? Venus in retrograde?

Shotgun? No, no.

Uh, Julie's a great
girl, and I love her.

That's all there is to it.

Hmm.

So which one of
you two are next?

Oh, ask me no questions,
I'll tell you no lies.

Ah, commitment's
never been my specialty.

I'll say.

However, bachelor
parties, on the other hand...

Legendary.

Oh. No, no.

Julie kind of wants to
keep things mellow. I...

Muntz, you can't get married
without a bachelor party.



Uh-uh. It's...

It's un-American!
It's un-American.

You're gonna have the bachelor
party of all bachelor parties.

Oh. Oh, yes.

Oh, you're gonna have
the fiesta of all fiestas.

Fiesta del fiestavo. Huh?

Oh, God.

You boys are awfully
chipper this morning.

What do you got there?

Oh, just a little heavy
reading material

I found in your room.

Yes, you did.

It's research.

Oh, really?

Yes.

Guilty Pleasures is
opening tomorrow.

It'll be the first store of
its kind in Beverly Hills.

Well, I guess that's progress.

What, am I

in trouble for reading it?

No, no.

It just makes me feel a
little weird finding it, that's all.

That's the way Guilty
Pleasure" neighbors feel.

They don't want it
in the neighborhood.

Well, I can't say that
I disagree with them.

I wouldn't want to walk past it

- every day, either.
- Maybe not.

But they do have a
legal right to be there.

Hey, Kel,

Muntz here is getting married.

You are?!

Congratulations!

Oh, thank you. So, I guess

you won't be buying
these anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah, I should probably
cancel my subscriptions.

Ooh. God, that's gonna hurt.

Oh, baby, you're
beautiful. Right there.

Oh, don't move, don't
move. Right there.

Beautiful. All right. Beautiful.

Let me see the apple.
Put the apple up. Fantastic!

Let me see those eyes.

Beautiful, baby.
All right, great.

Oh, beautiful. Don't
move. Right there. Ah.

Hey, can I get some more light, please?
- I'm on it.

The set looks great, she
looks beautiful. Thank you.

It's going good, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. Can I help?

Yeah, you can make it perfect.

It will be.

Ah, it has to be.

This catalogue
is really important.

Tell me about it.

It's costing us a fortune.

Worth every penny, though.

Stop. Don't touch
anything! I'm sorry, I...

Look, they're just...
They're the only

dresses I have. I
can't get them dirty.

Here, let me brush
them off for you.

No, please, why...
Look, why don't you go

get some coffee or something,

and I'll take care of this?

Are-are you sure?

Yes, I'm positive. Thank you.

A little over the
top, don't you think?

They're the only
clothes I brought today.

I can't afford to
get them dirty.

Yeah, I know, but you
kind of took her head off.

I mean, she's
just trying to help.

You're right. I did.

Monica, are you in there?

Uh-huh.

I'm so sorry I yelled at you.

That's okay.

I feel better now.

No, it's not.

I-I'm so embarrassed.
I've just...

I'm under a lot of
pressure right now,

but that's no reason to
take it out on you. I'm sorry.

I'm fine.

Thanks.

So, what-what can
I do to help you?

Thank you.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I tell a better story than
the one I heard today ♪

♪ I packed up all your things
and threw them all away ♪

♪ You tore my soul
into a million pieces ♪

♪ Now the memory that
lingers will just fade away ♪

♪ Fade away ♪

♪ Oh, you're such a blur to me ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I'm feeling happy now ♪

♪ I'm feeling happy now ♪

♪ With the slightest
provocation ♪

♪ I dare to write you off ♪

♪ There's a subtle way of
letting go of my thoughts ♪

♪ The toughest
place inside of me ♪

♪ Won't echo with the shame ♪

♪ One thousand
times he calls me ♪

♪ Now I'm full of pain... ♪

Beverly Beat.

You want to place an ad?

Beverly Beat. This is Steve.

Personal ads? Absolutely.

We're the epicenter
of love connections.

Thank you. Can you
call back a little later?

I'm a little swamped. Thank you.

Where's Janet?

This place is chaos central.

I sent her on some errands.

How many errands?

I haven't seen her in days.

It was a long list.

Obviously.

The truth is, Brandon,
ever since the reunion,

it's been kind of
awkward for me.

So what's your point?

I don't know what to say to her.

So your master plan is

to keep her out of the office?

Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry, man,

but you're gonna have to
come up with something else,

because we've got
a newspaper to run,

not to mention the fact

we've got a
bachelor party to plan.

Hey, I never almost dated
someone I work with, okay?

Normally, you go out
with a girl, and if it tanks,

you lose their
number, but Janet...

Is not that easily disposable?

Exactly. This is gonna
be a real challenge.

Janet! You're back so soon.

Yeah, I made an
executive decision,

and I went to the
supermarket for coffee

instead of driving all the
way out to Santa Monica

for your special beans.

Oh.

Your taste buds

aren't that highly evolved.

You'll never know
the difference.

Okay.

Bachelor party strategy.

We're gonna need some food...

Preferably finger sandwiches...

And then some
live entertainment.

I'm gonna leave the
human resources to you.

Brilliant idea. JANET:
You know, you can get

party favors at
that new sex shop.

I was going to go there anyway
to cover the grand opening.

Well, as publisher
of the Beverly Beat,

I feel it's my duty to
accompany you there.

Make sure no
stone goes unturned.

Hmm.

And, uh, no love
oil uninspected.

She seems okay with
this whole sex shop thing.

Healthy girl.

Still waters run deep

and possibly kinky.

I like it.

Hey, David?

Huh?

Wouldn't it be great to
get away for a couple days?

Yeah, that sounds great.

I mean, we could go
up to Lake Arrowhead

and stay at a bed-and-breakfast,
do some hiking or something.

Yeah, you plan
it, I'll be there.

I mean, it just
seems like forever

since we've had
some time to ourselves,

you know? You know,

with this whole jingle thing,

we could schedule
something during the week

if it's easier for you to
get away from the club.

Yeah, that'd be great.

We really need this.

Yeah.

Mmm...

Mmm.

Mmm.

I got to take a shower.

No!

This is one of the last salads
I'm gonna have for a long time,

so I'd better make it last.

Doctor's orders. What's
wrong? Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fine, but I'm
gonna have a facelift

next week, and I won't
be able to chew for a while.

I'll be drinking
lots of smoothies.

You're kidding me.
Honey, this is Beverly Hills.

We never joke
about plastic surgery.

Mom, you look great.
What are you thinking?

40% off for people in their
forties got me started on it.

The thought of losing the bags
under my eyes sealed the deal.

But your eyes are beautiful.

I look tired after
ten hours of sleep.

Want some dessert?

Do we have any frozen yogurt?

Yup. Bought some
just the other day.

I think we've got
chocolate and vanilla.

Is it nonfat?

Ah, the vanilla is.

I'll have that, then.

Erin, I brought you some
Rocky Road ice cream.

Want me to make you a
sundae with hot-fudge sauce?

Ice cream's fattening.

But you're so skinny!

Yogurt only has 80 calories,

and I don't want to be a blob.

Now, that was a great movie.

Yeah.

Very funny.

Funny, romantic.

Great movie.

What's going on?

I was just thinking about
my mom getting a facelift

when she completely
does not need one;

my seven-year-old
sister watching her weight.

You were thinking about your mom

and your sister during
a romantic comedy?

I don't know.

It's like they're all trying
to fulfill this male fantasy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.

I've heard you and Donna
go on and on about Brad Pitt.

No. I don't know.

The movie just made
me think about it.

Can you imagine a movie

where the 60-year-old woman
gets the 30-year-old stud?

Harold and Maude.

It was a joke.

Just promise me one thing:

When you're old and gray

and distinguished-looking,
and I'm just old and gray

you'll still think I'm the
sexiest thing around.

Well, that's gonna be easy,

but will you be able
to get past my Dunlap?

You like him, don't you?

Oh, goes beyond like.

You know what?

There is a great reggae band

playing at the After
Dark Thursday night.

You should invite him.

I don't know.

I think you should go for it.

So, Donna, I'll
see you tomorrow?

Yes, you will.

There's, um...

There's a reggae band playing
at the After Dark on Thursday.

They're supposed
to be really good.

Sounds like a plan.

See, that wasn't so hard.

I'm actually breathing.

Wait, is there something
on the dress here?

Oh.

Oh, my God, your arm!

Are you okay?

I-I'm so sorry.

I-I just got this new cat.

She's a little
overeager for affection.

Can I get this dress
cleaned for you?

No, no, no, that's fine.

We'll just, we'll
use another one.

Are you sure? Positive.

Those scratches look
pretty bad. Do they hurt?

Oh, no, no, no,
they're mostly healing.

Um, she's finally getting
out of that kitten stage.

Well, maybe you should
just have a doctor check it

in case of infection.

Good idea.

So, um, in terms of
tomorrow, I was thinking

that I'd get here around 8:00,

have things ready to go
by the time Joe gets here.

Great.

You know, maybe you could
look into having the cat declawed.

You know, my apartment
is right next to a bakery.

Why don't I pick up
some pastries and coffee,

and we can use some
of it with atmosphere

for tomorrow's shots?

That sounds good.

Okay.

Um, well, if there's
anything else that you need,

I left my pager number
next to your purse,

and, uh, don't hesitate to call.

Thanks, you've been a huge help.

Okay.

There is no such
thing as a small fantasy.

It starts with dirty
books and movies,

and then it's strip clubs
and plastic surgery.

You're taking this a
little far, don't you think?

I just want to know that
when you're with me,

you're thinking about me.

This is ridiculous.

If it's so ridiculous, then
why do you still have this?

It's research.

I told you that.

Give me a break. Why
do you really have it?

It's a guy thing.

Okay, it's no big deal.

I got it when we weren't
together, how's that?

And that makes it okay?

I don't know why you're making
such a big thing out of this.

It's just a magazine.

Then get rid of it.

Fine.

Happy now?

It's a start.

You know, just 'cause
I threw that one away

doesn't mean I can't
buy another one.

And that makes me
feel real good, thank you.

I'm not trying to make
you feel good, Kel.

This is what I'm
trying to tell you.

This has got nothing
to do with you.

I don't see it that
way, Brandon.

This is a family town!
- No sex shops here!

That's right. We
love our children.

This is a pretty
historic moment, boys.

We are about to
enter the first sex shop

in the history of Beverly Hills.

This could make us pioneers.

It's a good crowd here, buddy.

This is going to make
a pretty good story.

Hey, do you think there's
going to be door prizes?

We'll see you inside, Brandon.

Excuse me, excuse me, hi.

Uh, I'm Brandon Walsh
from the Beverly Beat.

I was wondering, can I
get a comment from you?

Absolutely.

My daughter goes
to elementary school

three blocks away from here.

Who's going to protect
her from the kind of element

that shops at a store like this?

Where are the laws

that protect the people who
live in the neighborhood?

Thanks.

We love our children.

Hey, Mr. Eckersley,

I'm Brandon Walsh
with the Beverly Beat.

I'm wondering, how do you feel

about these people
picketing your store?

Well, I wish my customers
didn't have to deal with it,

but it is added publicity.

A lot of people say
that stores like this

sell literature and products
that objectify women.

You got any comment on that?

Yeah, tell 'em to
read the Constitution.

As long as I'm not
selling anything obscene,

which I'm not, I'm covered
by the First Amendment,

which means I am
free to sell my products,

and they're free to
complain about it.

Oh, hey, check this out.

It's got fuzzy
stuff on the inside.

Let me see that.

Yeah, it says
right here it's fur.

"Fur your enjoyment."

Enjoyment how?

Oh, Muntz.

What?

Whoa, Silver, what do
you got there, buddy?

It's just, uh...

Edible underwear?

Could you keep
that down, please?

Man, I wouldn't know what
to do with half that stuff.

I know you wouldn't, Muntz.

Hey, don't poke fun.

You and Valerie have
some sex life, don't you?

Thanks, guy.

Have I mentioned what a
great guy Mr. Eckersley is?

Do you think?

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

He's going to buy some
ad space at the Beat,

and he's going to
give us a discount

on anything we buy here today.

Do you think that's
such a good idea?

Think about it, Brandon.

20% discount on
inflatable sheep.

So how's the catalog coming?

Great,

except the stylist...
This girl Monica.

I think something's
going on with her.

She has these scars and
these scratches all over her arm,

and she claims
they're from her cat.

You don't believe her? Uh-uh.

I've never seen scratches
like that from a cat.

And she was bleeding.

Don't you think that's weird?

Is she by any chance totally
accommodating, selfless,

always sacrificing
herself for others?

A dream assistant.

Why? What does that say?

Well, I could be wrong,

but it sounds like this
thing called cutting.

What's that?

Well, it's a disorder

where people actually
cut themselves.

We have a pamphlet
on it at the clinic,

and I read an article
in the New York Times.

People cut themselves?

That's horrible.

Is she suicidal? Probably not.

Cutters are really
self-loathing.

By doing this, they can
control the pain they experience.

Maybe we're
jumping the gun here.

We don't actually know
Monica's cutting herself.

To think that someone
would willingly hurt themselves

like that.

You might want to
keep an eye on her.

Do magazines like this
make you uncomfortable?

No.

I mean, I don't mean to
put you on the spot, but...

a lot of woman say they feel

bad about themselves when
they look at this kind of stuff.

Ah, they're just
pictures in magazines.

Severely airbrushed pictures.

And what about this
sex shop in Beverly Hills?

Do you think it belongs there?

I'm probably not
your target audience.

My parents were hippies,

so I was taught that sex was

a good thing and
a healthy thing.

You know, I don't really
have any hang-ups about it.

So it doesn't bother you?

No, not at all.

If places like that help people
express themselves sexually,

I say go for it.

Sex is a beautiful thing,

with or without commitment.

You know, Janet, you and I

may have more in common
than we originally thought,

a lot more.

Let's see. We went
to a dance together.

Yes. And I think you dumped me

before the night was over.

Hmm.

That was a shock. Mm.

Ah.

What's that?

Oyster oil.

I got this at the sex
shop that just opened up.

It's supposed to relax you and
make you a little more mellow.

Um, d-do I seem tense?

No, not at all.

Well, you bought
something for tense people.

It makes sense that
you think I'm tense.

Val, I just... I just thought
you'd like it, that's all.

Come on.

Come on.

Here we go.

Mmm.

How's that? Isn't
that nice, hmm?

Yeah, that feels good.

Uh...

What the hell is that?

Just trust me, okay?

Anything else under that
bed I should be worried about?

Nope.

What do you think
of my editorial?

So you had the
perfect opportunity

to take a stand on
pornography, and you didn't.

You know, Kel, once
you start telling people

where they can shop
or what they can sell,

you're getting on a
pretty slippery slope.

Before you know
it, you're legislating

what people can say and do.

Politics, shmolitics, Brandon.

You think it's okay to
read these magazines.

Those centerfolds aren't real.

I never said they were.

Well, they aren't. Fine.

They're not. Are you happy now?

Are you saying that
because you agree with me

or because you want to
avoid another argument?

You know, Kel,
maybe I'm saying it

because I'm tired of
having my temperature taken

on the subject
every ten minutes.

What about ethics,
what about morals?

Kel, sometimes I
like to go to a movie

or read a magazine
and not think too much.

I don't think that's a crime,
but apparently you do.

Well?

You know, I think the
straps are slightly uneven.

Let me get tape to make sure.

Okay.

What are you doing?

I was just looking
for measuring tape.

Ricki's straps are uneven. Oh.

Here you go.

Thanks.

Monica, I know what
you're doing to yourself.

I'd like to help you.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Your arm, the cutting.

I saw your things.

I saw the knife.

I told you I have a cat.

She's a kitten, they
scratch, end of story.

Those aren't cat marks.

Were you snooping
through my stuff?

I just... I want to help you.

There's people
that you can talk to.

Look, you have no
right to go through my kit.

It's private.

How would you feel if I
went through your stuff?

I wouldn't... Look,
I feel really violated

right now.

I didn't think you
were like that.

I thought you had more respect.

I do, I'm...

I'm sorry.

I was wrong not
to ask you first.

Yes, you were!

Joe needs me to
set up the next shot.

Hey. DAVID: Hey.

Where you going?

Oh.

I wanted to get an early start.

Edible underwear.

Interesting.

What do you say you try
them on, see how they fit?

Uh, can I take a rain check?

I've got a lot to do today.

Hey, what do you say
we grab some breakfast?

I got some new tea.

Jamaican Morning.

I really should go.

I, um... I've got inventory
at the... at the club,

and I got to see bands.

Sounds like a busy day.

Yeah.

Um, what about you?

Just working on
jingles, you know.

Well... I'll see you later.

Bye.

Nice, very nice.

Beautiful.

You look fantastic.

Your eyes are just
coming out at me.

You look gorgeous.

Joe, wait. Hang on a second.

Let me just fix the dress...
It's not laying right here.

Sure.

So, Ricki, you
like reggae? Sure.

Great. Well, there's a concert

tonight at the After Dark

if you'd like to go with me.

Cool. Great.

We can just leave from here,

maybe grab some dinner.

Okay.

You're all set.

All right, let's set up

for the next shot, huh?

Careful.

Hey.

Joe doesn't know
what he's missing.

Mm, that's okay.

They probably have
some special connection.

Chemistry.

You know, I'd give
anything to be like her.

Beautiful, successful.

I bet her biggest problem
is trying to figure out

what to wear in the morning.

No one's life is perfect.

Yeah, it must be pretty lousy

when a guy like
Joe asks you out.

Monica, you are smart

and talented.

You have a great look.

Score one for inner beauty.

Just 'cause Joe blew it

doesn't mean you should give up.

Or hurt yourself.

Hey. What's up, man?

I, uh, came to drop
off a credit card

that Valerie left at
my place last night.

Cool.

Where you been?

Well, I've just
been, uh, shopping.

I think it's called browsing

when you don't
actually buy anything.

Yeah, well, I just didn't
find anything I liked.

What were you looking for?

Oh, just...

looking for stuff.

Like what, like socks

or underwear or, like...
Things like... stuff and...

slippers or a T-shirt?

All right already!

I went back to Guilty Pleasures.

Satisfied?

Obviously a lot
more than you are.

Ouch.

I feel like a jerk.

Steve, why?

We were all in there
together a couple days ago.

Yeah... I know.

But... I went back.

Alone.

And the problem is...?

I think the problem
is, if you boil it down...

I think the problem is,
I don't have a girlfriend.

No, you don't.

Not this very minute, Steve.

You know, places
like that, they...

they kind of split the world

into two different
kind of people.

Notice, you got your...

your couples, and
then, for the most part,

guys...

like me,

who have nothing better
to do on a Tuesday night

other than to troll the aisles.

Alone. Exactly.

Steve, you only
look at it that way

because you're not
in a relationship, okay?

If you were in a relationship,
you wouldn't be going

to a place like Guilty
Pleasures for fun.

You'd be going for work.

I'll take a relationship

over being unemployed any day.

Well, obviously, you've
never had Valerie as a boss.

Still, you get into a fight...

you get to make up.

And makeup sex is some of the
most righteous a guy can have.

I think it's worth
a little trouble.

Yeah, "trouble" being
the operative word.

I'll see you later, man.

Monica.

Look...

it's not what you think, okay?

I know that you're
cutting yourself.

I don't want to talk about it.

I just wish I understood why.

Calms we down.

It... makes me feel better.

I want to be able to help you.

Will you talk to me about it?

I was in college.

Junior year, I'd gotten

a really bad grade
on a design project,

and when I got back to my room,

there was a letter under
the door from my boyfriend

saying that he didn't
want to see me anymore.

I was a mess.

Crying my eyes out, I...

I went to the bathroom
to, um... to wash my face,

get myself together and, um...

And there was a razor
on the side of the sink.

I don't know why,
but I picked it up.

Were you going
to slit your wrists?

No.

I, um...

I just started running it

across my skin,

trying to see how
hard I could push it

before it would
actually break through.

And finally, it did.

Funny thing is, is that
it actually didn't hurt.

Monica, you have to
stop doing this to yourself.

Well, I've tried to stop,

but I can't.

There's doctors, therapists
that you can talk to.

But it's up to you.

You have to want to stop.

And there's going to be
times when all you want

to do is give in.

I know.

I... I was addicted
to pain pills.

I know what it's like.

Even if I did stop, it's not
like it would make a difference.

It's not like I would wake up
tomorrow and be a supermodel.

In the long run...

looks, they don't mean anything.

It's how you feel.

You deserve to be happy.

I don't know.

You do.

You're worth it.

Oh, hey.

I'm looking for Brandon.

He wasn't at the paper.

Oh, they, um...
they went to Muntz's

bachelor party.

That's where all the boys are.

They had it during the day

so Muntz's fiancée
wouldn't find out.

I guess she's not a big fan

of the ritual. Me, neither.

They probably bought
out the new sex store.

Yeah.

You know, I guess it's
the hot spot these days.

You know, I told David

that I want more romance,

and then he goes and
he buys all these toys.

I mean,

it's not like I'm a
prude or anything,

but, you know, why couldn't
we have gone together?

I mean, it would've
made it less...

Sleazy? Yeah.

What do men want?
Because I, for one, am baffled.

They just don't understand
how that stuff makes us feel.

The toys, the magazines.

Fat, inferior.

Completely horrible. Left out.

Like, we're okay

for their daily lives,
but when it comes

to the fantasy part of things,
we're somehow off-limits.

That's because it's
their fantasy, not ours.

I don't want it to
be mine, either.

I just wish that we
could share it, you know?

Men...

They think we're the
complicated species.

Hmm...

Oh, yeah.

Oh, man, if Julie
finds out about this,

she's going to kill me. Hey.

You told her you were with me

having lunch right? Yeah.

Well, you're with me,
and here's your lunch.

And here's your dessert.

Face it, Muntz.

Face it, guy,
you're nailed. Okay?

Women are impossible.

I think you can vouch for
me. Women are impossible.

You're about to sign on

to a lifelong
sentence, my friend.

Hey, hey... This
is a bachelor party.

Thank you. STRIPPER: Hey, guys.

Where do I set up?

Dance floor would
be great. Okay.

- Be with you in a flash.
- Oh, that's okay.

We're not going any hair.

Okay, they want
something, right?

You give it to
them, all of a sudden

they want something
completely different.

You can't win. You're
always in trouble.

Always. You can't figure out

what you might've
done wrong, but now,

you are responsible
for all the sins

of mankind, my
friend... All of them.

Save yourself. Jump out now.

No, no, no.

Not every woman is like that.

Janet's not like that.

She's way more of a free spirit.

She's got... Whatever.

A really interesting
philosophy of free love.

Isn't she the one you
dumped at the reunion?

Yeah.

Yeah. That's ancient history.

Something about a woman
scorned, I don't know.

Kelly has been
on this kick lately.

She's always on about
pornography objectifies women,

turns them into sex objects.

What's your point?

So, which one of you
lucky guys is the groom?

Please, let it be me.

Boing.

Right here.

Front row. There is a God.

Front row. Thank you, fellas.

Thank you!

This is too much.

Oh, boy.

Oh, yeah.

Give it to her,
Muntzy. Give it to her!

Come on, Muntz!

Whoo!

I was thinking maybe I should go

and chat up our stripper.

Kind of find out who she is.

What her dreams,
what her aspirations are.

Find out what she
does when she's

not taking her
clothes off for people.

You know, treat her like
a person, not an object.

You mean have a
conversation with her?

Exactly.

Oh, come on! Yeah! Oh!

Muntzy, come on!

Maybe not.

Maybe not.

Yeah!

Muntz, you owe me.

I love it!

Hey. Hey.

How was the bachelor party?

Fine, fine, a good
time was had by all.

Hmm, why didn't
you tell me about it?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe I got the impression
you wouldn't approve.

I don't. Well, there you go.

I'm sorry if I'm
offended by the idea that

it's a man's last night of fun
before he commits to a woman.

I think it's a little
disrespectful.

It's tradition.

It's a bonding ritual.

It's no different
than a bridal shower.

I've never been
to a bridal shower

where there are X-rated
movies and strippers.

I'm assuming
there was a stripper.

There was some live
entertainment, yes,

but it was harmless.

Not to me.

You know, it occurs to me

when Dylan was getting married,

we all sat around playing poker

while you ladies went
out to a female strip club.

That was not my idea.

The concept of bachelor
parties isn't my idea.

You know, you have
been like a broken record

the last few days.

I am not responsible

for all of mankind's
attitudes towards women.

I'm not asking you to be.
Then what are you asking?

Brandon, maybe I've
been a little harsh, okay?

But in a typical, ordinary
week in Beverly Hills,

I am running into women getting
unnecessary plastic surgery,

children dieting and
girls just out of college

cutting themselves.

I mean, it's just a
little out of control.

I couldn't agree more.

And now, you are giving me
mixed signals, and it upsets me.

I don't even know
what to say to you.

Brandon!

I'm not gonna stand
here and listen to you

question my morals.

I just don't know
where you stand.

Yeah, you do; you
just don't agree with it.

That's right.

This conversation's over.

Wow!

Is that new?

Yeah, I-I, um...

I got it today.

Well, uh, gosh, you...

you look great.

Thanks.

Um...

I also got these.

Is this what I think it is?

Yeah, it's called a love leash.

What's this?

Body glitter.

You're kidding me.

No, it glows in the dark.

Oh, and this...

This is, um, well, this
is called a tickle whip.

You're into this stuff?

Well, I am if you are.

It's...

It's great.

It-it's, um,

very exotic.

But?

Look, Val, I just, I got...

I have a lot of stuff I
need to do tomorrow,

and I need to start first thing.

So, um, you're saying

that you probably need
a good night's sleep?

Yeah, it'd probably
be a good idea.

Good morning. Morning.

My, you're full of energy.

I'm psyched about
your catalogue.

You saw the proofs, right? Yeah.

Turned out well, didn't they?

A month from now,

20,000 women will
have that catalogue.

That's the problem.

If you're worried
about production,

you don't have to be.

We will definitely
keep up with demands.

No, I'm, uh...

I'm a little concerned about
the message that it's sending.

What, that it's letting

the world know how
great your designs are?

Especially if you're a six-foot

tall model like Ricki.

The average American
woman's what,

I don't know, um,

five-foot-three?

She definitely weighs a
lot more than Ricki does.

Yeah, so? She's a model.

So, by using Ricki as the
spokesperson for my designs,

I'm basically saying that
she's the physical ideal.

And that women out there, if
they don't look like she does,

something's wrong with them.

See, I don't compare myself
to other guys in magazines.

They're models.

Yeah, but women
are totally different.

We always compare ourselves.

And now this thing with Monica

is just making me realize
how extreme it can get.

I hear what you're saying,

but don't you think
she's an unusual case?

Maybe.

I'm just not sure

I want to promote an
unreal sense of beauty.

And maybe this is my
opportunity to make a difference.

Here we go.

One grande mocha cappuccino

with extra chocolate,
because I know you love that.

And a cranberry bagel.

Uh-oh. Where are you
sending me now? Bakersfield?

Nowhere.

I just wanted you to know

how appreciated you are here.

And...?

And I've been doing
a lot of thinking,

and I realized

that I never gave us a chance.

So I was thinking maybe

we should go out
again, see what happens.

No, you were right.

We're not meant to be.

How do you know?

Well, I gave you
a lot of chances.

And none of them panned out.

But I like working here.

So, let's just keep
it professional.

Assuming that you're
comfortable with that?

Yeah. I just asked you out.

How uncomfortable can I be?

Okay, okay, so
I'm a little gun-shy.

But what happened to free love
and sex without commitment?

I'm totally into it.

With the right person.

Mm.

Crash and burn, buddy.

What'd I do wrong?
Where should I start?

No, seriously, Brandon.

She's a great girl.

I can't believe I blew it.

You'll survive. You always do.

The only bright spot in my
otherwise bleak existence is

that the stripper
agreed to trade her fee

for ad space in The Beat.

So she's free.

No, she's not. New policy.

No more trades.

If someone wants to buy
an ad, they can pay for it.

That way, we stay in control.

That means no more free
passes to the Spice Parade.

You're just gonna have to
find a new way to make friends.

Is this your roundabout way

of saying no more
strip ads in The Beat?

In a perfect world, maybe,

but we got bills to pay.

Glad you made it.

Yeah, but I was surprised
when I got your message.

I thought the shoot was over.

Oh, not exactly.

Was there something
wrong with the pictures?

We've got a big problem.

The wrong model.

Amy, Evelyn and
Kim, this is Monica.

Hi.

Okay, I don't get it.

Who are these people?

The four of you
are my new models.

I just figured since

real woman are the ones
who'll be buying my dresses,

I should have real
women modeling them.

You didn't have to do this.

I know.

But it's important to me.

Donna, about yesterday...

No, no,

I was wrong to pressure you.

No, you were right.

I do have a problem.

Well, admitting it
is the hardest step.

I know.

And I really need
to deal with this.

And the fact that I'm so
scared to do it makes me realize

that, uh, getting help
is the right thing to do.

You won't regret it.

Thanks.

Ah, it is beautiful up here.

I can't believe this is LA.

I know, I'm so glad
we got out of the house.

Yeah. It's been kind of a
stressful week, you know?

Wow!

David, I-I... I wanted to talk
to you about the other night.

You know, I've been meaning

to talk to you about that, too.

It's not that I had a problem

with you buying all that
stuff at that sex shop.

No... I blew it.

It's just that if you were
bored or unhappy, I...

I kind of wish you would've
talked to me about it

instead of trying
to fix it on your own.

Wait, wait, I'm,
I'm fine with things.

You're the one who's been
reading the magazine articles.

What are you talking about?

The magazine... the one

with the girl with the
yellow bikini on the

front of it. I was
reading my horoscope.

What?

My horoscope.

Aries.

Wait, you didn't think
I was reading that...

"How to jump-start
your sex life."

David, no.

I'm such an idiot.

Is that why you maxed out

your credit card
at the sex shop?

I thought you were, uh, unhappy.

No, I-I... I thought you were.

That's why I got all
that lingerie and crap.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You know, I've... I've
always been a nature lover.

Really?

Me, too.

Hey!

I was thinking, uh...

maybe we could call a truce.

I think that could be arranged.

I read your new editorial.

And...?

I thought it was terrific.

I'm glad you liked it.

I liked the part where
you said if people

want to put the sex
shop out of business,

they should stop shopping there.

That's how I feel.

You're still going
to run the sex ads?

We can't afford not to.

Like it or not, personal
ads, club ads...

They're the bread and
butter of our business.

But for the record,

I have a very firm grasp

on the difference
between fantasy and reality.

Oh.

And there's nothing
like the real thing.

Wait right there.

What's this?

Just a little something
I picked up at the store.

A Kama Sutra kit?

It's got massage
oil, pleasure balm,

honey dust... Hmm.

I don't know. What do
you say we give it a try?

I thought you had a
problem with things like this.

Um, no, my problem was with you

experimenting without me.

If this brings us closer,

then I am totally
in favor of it.

Honey dust.

What does that taste like?

Mmm.